Original subtitles

You're watching Picnic Face. To see the full episode, along with bonus features

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Hello?

So...

As you can imagine, as the only two women in the group, Cheryl and I get a

of weird requests.

Yeah, guys are always emailing us saying, like, you guys should kiss and

and, like, touch for men.

Gross.

But men, truth be told, we're going to give you what you want.

That's right.

Cheryl and I are going to kiss.

This is so crazy.

We never do stuff like this. I am so drunk.

It's happening.

Do you want to go make out

with her?

What? Okay.

Mr. Ferguson.

How are you holding up?

It's tough. My father and I were pretty close.

I understand.

This probably isn't the best time, but I have a few forms that I need you to

sign. Anderson Funeral Home will take care of the rest.

And what exactly am I signing?

It's just a standard liability form.

Releasing our company from any responsibility should anything happen

and the time of burial.

What kind of thing was like?

Oh, likely nothing, but if the body were to fall or break an arm or if

there was an accident involving juice.

Sorry, juice?

Yes, juice.

I don't understand.

Oh, it's just if there was a juice -related accident, if you just want to

that. What kind of accident could involve juice?

Likely nothing.

It says juice in here.

There's a whole clause.

Does it?

Yeah. Anderson Funeral Homes will not be held responsible for any juice -related

accidents. Oh, it does. That must be a title. I'll just take care of that for

you. I'm sorry about that. Just an initial add. There you go.

You just wrote juice again.

Yeah.

Your father's fine.

There's no... I want to see my father. Juice.

Juice.

Open the coffin.

I want to see my father. Open it.

Open up the coffin.

I want to see him now.

All right.

Here is the top half of your father.

And here is the bottom half of your father.

Why can't I see all of them? You did.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

Here is your father.

Why are you drinking juice?

What's going on?

What's up?

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What would you have done?

What would you have done?

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So, who did you take that movie last night?

Your mom.

My mom's dead.

Oh, my God.

She's back.

And she's dating my friends.

Remember all the fun we had with this sketch.

Started out with Billy. Kyle drinking beers on a bench. Bill said, who'd you

take to that movie last night? I said, your mom.

Bill said, but my mom's dead.

Oh my God, she's back and she's dating my friends.

And then we froze on Bill's face.

And then I started singing about this sketch.

I sang about how sometimes your mom comes back and dates your friend.

And I sang Bill and Kyle sat on a bench, talking about who Kyle went to the

movie with. And Kyle said, Mom, Bill said, my mom said, she's back.

Did you hear that, honey? He said my name.

Mama, I pick flowers.

Daddy and I caught two fish.

I like how grass smells.

I love you, Mommy.

Mommy loves you too, sweetheart.

John,

I don't... I don't think this is normal.

Hey, what's up, Jamie?

Yo, what's up, bud? Oh, Jamie, that sweatshirt's the best. This is the kind

sweatshirt I know I can wear out of my house. Yeah. And it's going to look good

on me no matter what. Oh, that thing's got trolls on it, Jamie.

Yeah, they're playing hockey. Trolls playing hockey. Yeah, they're hockey

trolls. Yeah. Hey, we should get to class because we're going to be late.

Sweatshirts. Every day, thousands of teens receive compliments on their

sweatshirt. But have you ever wondered how a sweatshirt gets made?

Where does it come from?

And how does it get made?

After all, you didn't make it, not unless you're a Calvin Klein or a Trevor

Clubmonico. To find out, let's take a trip to your local mall.

Ready, Travel Pop?

The local mall, home of the food court, the pregnant lady time -lapse photo

display, and the sweatshirt store.

Every day, the managers of this store receive requests for sweatshirts from

teens like this.

This teen is requesting a sweatshirt with cool sleeves and no gay stuff.

This request will be sent all the way to England.

Here in England, widows make the thread that goes into your sweatshirts. How do

they make the thread? What you wanna know? What you wanna know? Once the

is ready, they send it to the lab where it is mixed with male spermatozoa and

injected into a woman.

The woman will become pregnant, and in nine months, she'll give birth to a

beautiful new sweatshirt featuring cool sleeves and no gay stuff.

Pretty cool, huh?

You see that teacher's face when we walked into class, Jamie?

She couldn't believe how on time we were flabbergasted the whole class.

Boom! Flip a ball on their heads because it's so punctual. Boom, Jamie!

That's the record for most times punctually on time in a row.

Ha ha! In addition to which, we should get to our next class because the clock

is ticking and we don't want to break the streak while we're hot. You're

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Premium.

And unless you change your ways, you will be damned for all eternity.

Tonight, while you sleep, you will be visited by 14 ghosts.

14? 14 ghosts.

One an hour. The first ghost is the ghost of Christmas Day.

The second ghost is the ghost... If one comes an hour, I only sleep like six,

seven hours.

Do I need to be asleep? Then you are sleeping.

The third ghost is the ghost of Christmas future.

The fourth ghost is the ghost of the number four.

The fifth ghost... The number four has a ghost? The fifth ghost is the ghost of

the ghost of Christmas past.

I'm not going to remember all this, but just maybe if... The sixth ghost! Just

introduce them one at a time. The sixth ghost!

It's the ghost of showing up too early.

The seventh ghost.

Am I early? Yes, you're

early. I'm always here. Yes, you're always early.

Am I the first ghost? Yes, you're the first ghost.

Yeah, I'm always the first. You're always the first ghost.

She just introduced me first.

That would defeat the point, though, wouldn't it? No, because I'm the ghost

shows up early.

Ebenezer Scrooge, you have been a greedy man.

And unless you change your mind. Who is Ebenezer Scrooge?

You!

Jeff Bart.

Jeff Bart.

Is it December 24th, 1843?

No, it's June 20th, 2011.

We should probably go.

Yeah. All right, well, we're sorry. Jeff Bart's 40th.

Let's go.

Okay, we can take my car.

You have a car. Why do you have a car? You're a ghost.

Did I do all right, Mr.

Scrooge? Well done, Jeff Sparks. You put those ghosts right off my tail.

Away with you! To the factory!

To the factory with those bad, bad bones!

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Hey, everyone. We get a lot of fan mail and fan art, but recently we received

something that really...

Cross the line. Our name is Picnic Face, but sending us picnic baskets with

faces in them isn't appropriate.

It's disgusting.

And if you recognize this or

whatever it belongs to, please call the police.

Call the hospital. Just, we need to get in touch with this person and make sure

that they're okay and that they get the help. What's up, man?

What's up?

What's up? It's Scott freaking Rowan, man.

This is your face? You got my face, bro?

Oh, make it nice.

Make it nice.

Oh, shit.

I'm on TV.

Oh, my God.

I bet you my buddies are watching this, man.

Let's do some shots.

Shout -outs to Joan.

Shout -outs to Johnny and Tripp. This is a bitch!

Tell me what's the future of fashion, Cheryl.

Sweaters.

Tell me what's the future of fashion, Cheryl.

Crop tops.

Tell me what's the future of fashion, Cheryl.

Anglet.

Tell me what's the future of fashion, Cheryl.

Headband. Breaking time.

Sweaters, crop tops, anglet, headband. Sweaters, crop tops, anglet, headband.

Sweaters, sweaters, she said sweaters.

She said sweaters. Jeans, jeans, jeans, she never said jeans.

Hey, man, are you digging that hot dog or what?

Oh, yeah, I love it. You got relish on that thing?

Totally. And what about barbecue sauce?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, you would.

What do you mean?

You would. You would like barbecue sauce.

What do you mean I would, though?

I don't know. You just like it. Okay, I get that I like it, but what do you mean

exactly? I don't mean anything.

No. Tell me specifically, what is it about me?

And barbecue sauce.

I don't know. You just... Just tell me. You put it on a lot of things. Yeah?

Yeah, you put it on your toast this morning. Yeah?

And you had to throw your wallet out because it was covered in it. And what

your point? The brakes on your car don't work anymore.

And the SPCA had to take away your dog.

I know.

You're right. I need help.

I don't know what I can do.

Please, you're the only friend I have.

Hey, I've got problems of my own. Oh, yeah? Like what?

Look. In my mouth.

I forgot about your mouth, Napoleon.

Your mouth is next, Carl.

Please don't get me. We will kiss you softly and slowly.

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afraid of heights i just i don't care for them i can't be bothered let me put

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right now premium member the platinum

member experience Woo!

All right, A, cut.

Okay, that's great. We got it.

That's a wrap for today. Thank you.

Thanks, everybody.

Come to bed.

Yeah, as soon as I learn these lines.

They work you too hard.

Yeah, that's my job.

Did Michael come home?

Not yet.

Hello?

I don't understand.

Is he okay?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Michael's in the hospital.

The hospital?

There's been an accident.

Oh, my God. Is he all right?

He's... He's... Premium member.

Find out if my son survived by visiting premiummembership

.ca.

Premium membership with a platinum.

Screw it.

Spoiler alert. My son is dead.

Find out what happened to the premium membership guy by signing up for premium

membership at www .premiummembership .ca.

Premium membership. The platinum experience.

Everything is possible.

I don't know.

I don't know.