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And that's why you should never let gunk
build up on your plates.
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The end.
3
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Well, read us another one, Grandpa.
4
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Yeah, a good one this time.
5
00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:58,750
Well, you didn't like the story of Mr.
Rabbit's very clean plate?
6
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I feel like I got it right away.
7
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Your brother liked it.
8
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I love bunnies dressed as people.
9
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You would.
10
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It had a pretty sweet moral.
11
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That you should always clean your plate?
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Yeah.
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Keep your plates clean? I guess so.
Well, there's books full of great tales
14
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that. Mr. Badger's Dirty Laundry, Gary
the Bear's Messy, Messy Cave, Cynthia
15
00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:24,930
Minnow's Sloppy Pond.
16
00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:27,710
What's this book about?
17
00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:31,250
Oh, that right there is a very special
book.
18
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But you two wouldn't be interested in
that. Why? Why? What is it?
19
00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:41,790
That book right there is the tome of all
stories.
20
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:47,340
Every yarn ever spun is contained within
those pages.
21
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,640
Does it have magic? And romance?
22
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:50,970
And a gun?
23
00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:53,020
Yes, it has all of those things.
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00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,780
Let's have a look at it.
25
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,840
Let's start here.
26
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:06,160
There was once a party. A very civilized
party.
27
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600
Yes. Really?
28
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,220
And the fog was rolling thick on the
Karsten matter.
29
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:17,920
A group of friends had gathered for a
very special occasion.
30
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,840
One of them was getting married.
31
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,650
Wow.
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00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:28,920
Thank you, friends, for being here on my
last night as a single man.
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00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:34,440
I'm excited and honored to have you join
me for my stag party.
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00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:41,830
Nobody get the lights. All right.
35
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:45,540
Nobody move.
36
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:52,950
Stanley's been murdered.
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00:02:57,310 --> 00:03:01,569
The first thing we must determine is
what weapon was used to commit... It was
38
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:02,620
knife.
39
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:05,070
Ah, a clue.
40
00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:06,970
Yes. A knife. Good.
41
00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:08,240
Well done.
42
00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:09,339
Thank you.
43
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:14,399
But even more importantly, the murderer
must have been one of the people in this
44
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,450
room.
45
00:03:15,451 --> 00:03:17,159
I'm sorry?
46
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:18,600
Oh, I just thought that was me.
47
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,690
You murdered him? Yeah, that's why I had
the knife.
48
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,220
Uh, why?
49
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,520
Why? Yeah, why did you murder him?
50
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,630
Would you get back to me? You murdered a
guy!
51
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,140
What's that in your back?
52
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,750
Is that a knife sticking out of your
back? Ah, yeah, it is. Who stabbed you?
53
00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,820
Yeah, who stabbed me? Who stabbed Barry?
54
00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:44,980
You stabbed him, Belinda?
55
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:46,670
Why?
56
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,090
You don't know.
57
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,170
Why would you know?
58
00:03:49,171 --> 00:03:52,959
Did anyone else get stabbed while the
lights were out for four seconds? Right
59
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,679
here. Kevin?
60
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:54,940
Okay, who stabbed Kevin?
61
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,540
I stabbed myself.
62
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,300
Why am I not surprised, you idiot?
63
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:10,230
Let's just calm down for a second, okay,
Clark? You're doing a great job.
64
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,819
Yeah, I think you're doing one... Shut
up, Mavis! All right, let's just find
65
00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:16,880
exactly what happened, all right?
66
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,240
So, Clark, I'm going to take that knife.
67
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:23,159
Okay, we're going to take it. So, Mavis,
would you like to play Stanley? Okay.
68
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,240
Oh, a little role play.
69
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,920
The lights went out.
70
00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:28,800
Then I took out my knife.
71
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:33,350
And then I just kind of... No, Mavis,
step away. Do not walk towards the
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00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:34,249
Mavis. No!
73
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:35,300
No!
74
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,670
No, Mavis! What are you doing?
75
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,730
It's solved. Why would you will it?
Kevin! No, Kevin!
76
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,770
I guess I'm being an idiot!
77
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,450
Oh, my God!
78
00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,240
Everyone, stop!
79
00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:51,730
You've been awful quiet tonight.
80
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,130
You hiding something?
81
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:56,590
No. Of course, there isn't anything I
should know about.
82
00:04:59,979 --> 00:05:01,029
Yeah. There it is.
83
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,350
Little dagger.
84
00:05:02,351 --> 00:05:06,919
What better night to bring it out? A
night when everyone gets stabbed. Mavis
85
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,439
dead now. Kevin's dead. Cool. This was
supposed to be a special night for
86
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,600
Stanley. Now he's dead.
87
00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:14,220
I even rented him a fun train. Stag is a
joke.
88
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,220
Why are they making that sound?
89
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,720
We've got him some day.
90
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:22,970
We've got him what?
91
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,560
We've got him some day.
92
00:05:25,561 --> 00:05:29,309
Yeah, add volume to the word you're
saying at the end there. We fed him some
93
00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,930
daggers. You fed him some daggers.
94
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:34,109
You two stay right there, because I'm
calling the police.
95
00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:37,949
Nope. I'm going to check this out first,
because I have a sneaking suspicion
96
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:40,630
that... Yeah, okay.
97
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:42,390
That's what I thought.
98
00:05:44,150 --> 00:05:45,470
Who stabbed the stripper?
99
00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:47,780
What?
100
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:53,550
Why would you do that?
101
00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:58,420
Wait. Stop. You didn't like the stabby
murder mystery?
102
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,210
No.
103
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,060
Big softy.
104
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,180
All right, fine.
105
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,740
Let's try another one. This one's about
burgers.
106
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,560
One burger and fries, please.
107
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,200
Wow, that's fast.
108
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,740
You think that's fast?
109
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:21,799
You should check out Nick J's. Nick J's
food is so fast, you'll actually meet
110
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,350
yourself coming to order the food that
you just ordered. It's that fast.
111
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:27,670
Hi, can I get... Ooh, thanks. That's
fast.
112
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:30,300
Hey, you're me.
113
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,700
Yeah, I was just going to get some Nick
J's. Yeah, here you go.
114
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,340
Thanks. That's fast.
115
00:06:35,341 --> 00:06:39,119
Now there's two of us in the universe.
Can't have that. What? See ya. Jesus,
116
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:39,899
no, no, no.
117
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,860
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hey.
118
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,760
You're me. Yeah, I was just going to get
some Nick J's. Yeah.
119
00:06:46,809 --> 00:06:48,490
Here you go. Thanks. That's fast.
120
00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:50,650
Now there's two of us in the universe.
121
00:06:51,751 --> 00:06:54,249
I don't want to kill myself.
122
00:06:54,250 --> 00:06:56,549
You've got to kill yourself. Well, I
don't want to kill myself. You have to
123
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:59,109
yourself. I'm not killing myself. Hey,
you're me. Yeah. I was just going to get
124
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:02,449
some Nick J's. Yeah. Here you go.
Thanks. That's fast. Now there's two of
125
00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:05,089
the universe. Actually, there's three.
This guy won't kill himself. What? Kill
126
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,649
yourself, man. I don't want to kill
myself. You've got to kill yourself.
127
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:10,209
the gun. Put it in your mouth. I don't
want to do that. Hey, you're me.
128
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:11,260
I was just... What the...
129
00:07:11,261 --> 00:07:14,239
Fuck is going on? I don't want to kill
myself. Quit. I'm not interested in it.
130
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,440
Put the gun in your mouth.
131
00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:18,719
You're holding up the line. Dude, will
you kill yourself, please? You know
132
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,700
Fucking kill yourself. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
133
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,360
Fuck you. Fuck you.
134
00:07:22,820 --> 00:07:23,870
Fuck this.
135
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,250
Nick J's.
136
00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:31,379
It's temporal paradox fast. It's so fast
that when you order your food at Nick
137
00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:34,959
J's on the way out of the restaurant,
you'll meet yourself coming to order the
138
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,860
food you just ordered. Nick J's.
139
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:38,860
Don't forget to kill yourself.
140
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,180
Don't forget to kill yourself.
141
00:07:41,181 --> 00:07:45,459
Don't forget to kill yourself, kill
yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself,
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00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:46,720
yourself, kill yourself.
143
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,520
That wasn't a story.
144
00:07:49,291 --> 00:07:51,239
Sure was.
145
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,680
Oh, that was an ad for burgers.
146
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,340
Hmm? Yeah.
147
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,250
I don't see how that would sell anything
either.
148
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,560
There you go. It was the story of an
unsuccessful advertisement.
149
00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:08,930
Picnic Faces, the tome of all stories,
will be back after these messages.
150
00:08:21,470 --> 00:08:26,209
All right, let's see. I got another one
here that you'll both enjoy. It's a
151
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:27,490
story about pants.
152
00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:29,130
Pants? Pants!
153
00:08:29,490 --> 00:08:32,510
Are they dangerous pants? No, they're
not. You're such a...
154
00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:37,349
No, just pants, okay? Take it or leave
it. Going once, going twice. We'll take
155
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,090
the pants story. All right, sold.
156
00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:40,890
Here gets your pants story.
157
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:45,250
This story takes place in an apartment.
158
00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:49,990
Oh, is it like an enchanted apartment or
anything? It's just a normal apartment,
159
00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:53,250
yes. Can I begin now? Can I please
begin?
160
00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:58,870
There was a bunch of dudes hanging out
in an apartment.
161
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:02,620
Having a very civil discussion about
pants.
162
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,120
Oh, I got one. One time, my girlfriend
asked me if her pants made her look fat.
163
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:12,800
What'd you say? I said no, but what I
really meant was sort of.
164
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,210
Nice!
165
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:16,550
Oh,
166
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,420
yeah! Yes!
167
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:25,530
Oh, I remember her looking sort of fat
in those pants.
168
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,789
That's a shame, because those were nice
pants.
169
00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:29,010
Those were nice pants.
170
00:09:29,011 --> 00:09:31,389
There was one time I was seeing this
girl, right?
171
00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:34,229
And I told her that I was really into
her, but I really wasn't into her. I
172
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:36,460
lied to her so that I could get into her
pants.
173
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:43,860
And then after I borrowed her pants, I
fucking dumped her.
174
00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:47,740
Suck it, girl.
175
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:49,800
What's up?
176
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,250
Pretty cool, eh?
177
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,330
Yep.
178
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,520
Where did you pick up those?
179
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,880
Uh, you know, I gilded my girlfriend out
of them. You're beautiful.
180
00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:03,470
Those are nice pants.
181
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,890
I love ladies' pants.
182
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:10,400
Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants. I like
ladies' pants. I like ladies' pants.
183
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:17,279
I like ladies' pants. I like ladies'
pants. Do you want my pants? Oh, yes, I
184
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,980
girl. Do you want my pants? On my lower
part.
185
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,410
Do you?
186
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,600
Oh, girl, I do.
187
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:34,700
I now pronounce you man and lady's man.
188
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,500
Those are some great pants.
189
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:45,400
Do you want my pants? I don't. Do you
want my pants?
190
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,480
I'm willing to take them by four.
191
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:52,419
I'm going to rip those pants off your
body, girl. I'll take them for myself.
192
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:53,470
Okay, get ready.
193
00:11:07,829 --> 00:11:10,970
So there you go. You got your pants
story. Are you happy now?
194
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:16,829
Oh, you kids don't know anything about
stories anyways with your video games
195
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,150
your TV games.
196
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:22,450
Back in my day, television was called
books.
197
00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:23,780
Why?
198
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,070
That's confusing.
199
00:11:25,071 --> 00:11:27,459
Yeah, wouldn't books have been called
books?
200
00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:30,959
Very funny. You guys want me to read you
another book? Because I got a hardcover
201
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,040
back here. It's called A Swift Beating
with a Hardcover Book.
202
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,170
Sorry, Grandpa.
203
00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:37,270
That's more like it.
204
00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:42,819
Now may I proceed, or would you two
rather drive your grandfather to an
205
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:43,870
grave?
206
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,739
I could keep going. I could keep going,
I guess.
207
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,060
I noticed your hesitation.
208
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,370
I didn't like it.
209
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:55,749
This next story begins with a group of
young dudes gathered at a patio bar and
210
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,790
grill. Hey, to Miller.
211
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,270
Best damn friend a guy could ask for.
212
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:01,680
They're here.
213
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,910
Chug. Chug.
214
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:06,790
Chug. Chug.
215
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:12,829
Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.
Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.
216
00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:13,849
Chug. Chug. Chug. Chug.
217
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:16,650
Yeah! That was great. Oh, thanks.
218
00:12:17,130 --> 00:12:18,180
Fight.
219
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,880
Fight. Fight.
220
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:25,120
Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.
Fight. Fight.
221
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:27,290
Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.
Fight.
222
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:28,810
Stop.
223
00:12:30,820 --> 00:12:34,420
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
224
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:35,690
Yeah!
225
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,150
Stop.
226
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,620
You have to stop. Oh, what?
227
00:12:47,621 --> 00:12:51,579
Just, it really seems like every story
in this book begins with a group of
228
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:54,980
dudes. Well, at least half of them is a
group of young dudes.
229
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,399
One of them starts with once upon a
time. Well, once upon a time, a group of
230
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,619
young dudes, et cetera, et cetera. It
says in the bibliography here that it
231
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,540
written in large part by a group of
young dudes.
232
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,840
More stories about young dudes when we
return after these messages.
233
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:32,589
This next story begins with three young
dudes approaching a haunted house. Are
234
00:13:32,590 --> 00:13:36,209
you kidding me? The haunted house was
terrifying, and they needed to have a
235
00:13:36,210 --> 00:13:39,250
means to decide who goes into it first.
236
00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:46,650
I guess we'll just have to inky pinky
ponky for it.
237
00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:48,870
All right, do it up, Matt. All right.
238
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:53,810
Inky pinky ponky, daddy bought a dog.
239
00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:56,240
What's that?
240
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,940
Don't you know about Brad's dad?
241
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,440
What happened to your dad?
242
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:03,060
I don't have one. His dad left him and
his mom.
243
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,560
I'm super sorry, man.
244
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,980
Thanks. That means a lot. You know, I
just have the pizza.
245
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,940
I don't want to win the pizza like that.
246
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,010
Yeah, for sure.
247
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:17,480
I'll change it to Mommy.
248
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:18,679
Hi there, Mommy.
249
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:19,639
Yeah, okay.
250
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,160
No worries. Okay.
251
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:26,060
Inky pinky ponky, mommy bought a donkey.
252
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,250
God.
253
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,170
Donkey?
254
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:38,099
I don't have a donkey, thank you very
much. Most people don't have donkeys.
255
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,400
mom can't afford to buy a donkey since
his dad left.
256
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,140
We can play a different game.
257
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,450
No.
258
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:46,940
We're playing this game.
259
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,280
He doesn't want your pity.
260
00:14:48,540 --> 00:14:51,790
Okay, if he's going to win this pizza,
he's going to win it fairly.
261
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:57,460
Okay. All right. I'll make it fork.
262
00:14:58,540 --> 00:14:59,590
Okay.
263
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,050
Okay.
264
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,880
Fork. Okay. Sure.
265
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:09,220
Inky pinky ponky, mommy bought a fork.
Thank you.
266
00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:11,100
Fork died.
267
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,360
Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. What?
268
00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:19,820
Fork? When his dad left, he took their
collection of antique dead forks. Matt,
269
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,260
God. He took all of them. It doesn't
make any sense.
270
00:15:23,261 --> 00:15:26,909
Sometimes life doesn't make any sense.
None of this makes sense. We're in an
271
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:27,960
industrial kitchen.
272
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:31,489
We're supposed to go to a haunted
mansion. When his dad left, he took all
273
00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,510
ghosts from the mansion. Oh, shut up.
274
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,770
Okay? Why are we dressed like this?
275
00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:40,169
What? We look like eight -year -olds.
This is way too small for me. You knew
276
00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:42,640
uniform when you signed up for the
hoodie cap gag.
277
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,010
And what's this girl doing here?
278
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,929
It was supposed to be you, me, and a
dude. Three dudes going to a haunted
279
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:51,640
mansion. And why aren't you eating one
piece of pizza?
280
00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:52,960
I'm hungry. Nope.
281
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,000
Enough. I can't do this.
282
00:15:55,420 --> 00:16:01,220
What is it this time? That story was
barely a story. It's a fine story.
283
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,859
Okay, what's the premise?
284
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:08,059
The premise is that in order to make a
decision, three dudes have to employ a
285
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:09,140
classic rhyming game.
286
00:16:09,141 --> 00:16:13,579
You're looking at me with these dead
eyes, and I feel like I'm telling a hot
287
00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:17,579
story from a hot tome right now, and I'm
not getting any goddamn respect out of
288
00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:20,579
you two little turds. It seems like
you're really grabbing at straws. I am
289
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,400
grabbing at straws. That story wasn't
hit.
290
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,300
Even I thought it was kind of dumb.
291
00:16:25,301 --> 00:16:28,339
Even he thought it was kind of dumb.
What does he know? He's just a big fat
292
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:33,179
bozo. You know, given the option, I
think I'd rather go back and look at
293
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,520
the earlier stories. No!
294
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:38,679
You must not do that. That is the one
rule of the tome. But it's easy. We just
295
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,439
have to flip the pages. No, please don't
do that, children. Children, do not do
296
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,490
that, children. No!
297
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,530
Ah, well.
298
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:49,460
Where are we?
299
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:52,740
We're in the story.
300
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,560
Hey, you're me.
301
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:57,030
Yeah, I was just going to get some
McChea's.
302
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,300
Yeah, here you go.
303
00:16:58,301 --> 00:17:02,119
Thanks. That, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Be
careful with that little girl. What?
304
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,880
Why? Just tell us what you want.
305
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,660
I want those burgers.
306
00:17:10,540 --> 00:17:11,590
These burgers?
307
00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:15,590
Yeah!
308
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:17,590
I'm so sorry.
309
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:18,959
Thanks for the burgers.
310
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:20,409
Bye.
311
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,000
And then after I borrowed her pants, I
fucking dumped her. Yeah!
312
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,030
Cut to me.
313
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,340
Whoa. Who are you?
314
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,610
Who am I?
315
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:41,340
Andy. Nice pants, bro.
316
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,330
Yeah, thanks.
317
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,620
Okay. What do you want?
318
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:47,940
I want your pants.
319
00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:08,900
I'm really sorry.
320
00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:11,830
Bye. See you, jerk!
321
00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:17,090
I don't recognize this story.
322
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:18,620
Me neither.
323
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:20,590
Where are we? I don't know.
324
00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:22,730
Hey, you guys background?
325
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,360
We're kids.
326
00:18:24,530 --> 00:18:25,610
Sweet and muffin.
327
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:27,870
Nice pants, kid.
328
00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:29,570
Oh, thanks. They're new.
329
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:31,660
Pretty awesome.
330
00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:33,490
Oh, man, I needed this.
331
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:35,000
Hey.
332
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:38,660
Give me that muffin.
333
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:40,340
No, I'm eating it.
334
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,170
Please give her that muffin.
335
00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:44,650
There's a bowl full of them.
336
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:46,360
But I want that one.
337
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,720
But you can't have it because I'm eating
it.
338
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:51,840
Give me your muffin.
339
00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:53,840
Oh,
340
00:18:55,970 --> 00:19:02,670
come on! Oh, my God, you shot him.
341
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,370
Brian? Brian?
342
00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:08,100
What do kids do?
343
00:19:08,810 --> 00:19:09,860
Hello?
344
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:13,030
Is anybody there?
345
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:17,970
You have reached the end of all stories.
346
00:19:18,350 --> 00:19:24,109
All that is left is a tale of a
grandfather reading to his grandkids
347
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,450
group of young dudes.
348
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:48,630
Did you do the premium membership thing?
Yeah, I think so.
349
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,350
What was that?
350
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,120
Brian? Brian?
351
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,180
What did you kids do?
352
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,760
Mark? Did you see those kids?
353
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,490
No. They were there and they just
disappeared.
354
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,260
I don't see them. I think they shot
Brian. Oh my God. Brian?
355
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,210
Brian?
356
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,430
Is he okay?
357
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,650
He's dead.
358
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,370
Ah.
359
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:14,670
Oh my God.
360
00:20:16,230 --> 00:20:18,820
Okay. Well, let's shoot my Weekend at
Bernie sketch.
361
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:22,150
Brian is dead, Mark.
362
00:20:22,151 --> 00:20:25,969
Yeah, and we've only got like 20 minutes
left on the screen screen.
363
00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,020
Crew's all here.
364
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:28,350
Let's shoot the sketch.
365
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,860
Nobody calls 911 until we shot the
sketch.
366
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:32,850
Then we can make all the calls we want.
367
00:20:33,070 --> 00:20:34,150
Okay? 20 minutes?
368
00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,050
Okay, uh, fine.
369
00:20:37,051 --> 00:20:40,809
Why don't you guys just switch
characters? Brian can play Bernie, and
370
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:43,069
can put... No, no, no. I wrote the
sketch. I'm Bernie.
371
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:44,120
You two are the teens.
372
00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:48,309
Brian is dead. Can we at least maybe
switch him out with another Picnic Face
373
00:20:48,310 --> 00:20:49,189
member who's alive?
374
00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:51,130
Brian wanted to be in this sketch.
375
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:55,150
He's in the sketch. You two are the
teens. I'm Bernie. Start sketch.
376
00:21:00,650 --> 00:21:06,349
And so Andy tried to lift up Brian and
Bernie. I don't even know who I'm
377
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,400
to anymore.
378
00:21:07,430 --> 00:21:09,930
The kids are gone and it's just me here.
379
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,550
Don't even have the book.
380
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,400
Damn it.
381
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,900
Is he going to be okay, Doctor?
382
00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:22,380
Actually, we generally don't treat dead
people. Yeah, he did.
383
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,650
I told you, Mark.
384
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:27,040
Frankly, I'm surprised you got him past
the front desk.
385
00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:32,400
He's been dead for quite some time. That
smell, that's him.
386
00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:34,080
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
387
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,210
I'm sorry, we would have admitted him
earlier, but we had to finish that.
388
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,520
We're not talking about it, though. We
don't talk about it.
389
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,690
Talk about what?
390
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:52,640
I'm not in the... Oh, we're just talking
about the business show.
391
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:57,519
We already did the meta thing. Now this
is like... I'm sorry, what... We're
392
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,410
coming back out, so... What level of
meta are we at right now?
393
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,070
Third? I don't know, because we did a
sketch.
394
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:05,699
Inside of a sketch, and you're playing a
doctor.
395
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:09,200
Yeah. But you're yourself. I don't even
know anymore, and Brian's not...
396
00:22:09,201 --> 00:22:13,269
Dead? Brian's dead. Is he dead? No, I'm
not dead. He's not dead. What? Okay,
397
00:22:13,270 --> 00:22:14,189
what? All right.
398
00:22:14,190 --> 00:22:18,089
And you're actually pretending to be
real? And I... Are you really freaked
399
00:22:18,090 --> 00:22:19,830
by it? I... Yeah.
400
00:22:19,831 --> 00:22:23,369
Are you really freaked out? Yeah, I am.
Or are you just being... I thought he
401
00:22:23,370 --> 00:22:25,469
was dead. No, you didn't. What about
those two kids?
402
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:28,720
What two kids? The kids that shot him.
Yeah, the kids that shot him.
403
00:22:28,790 --> 00:22:32,510
Bill and Ebony in wigs. Yeah, that's
what... What?
404
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:36,469
Yeah, don't even... That's a camera
right there. I'm looking down the lens
405
00:22:36,470 --> 00:22:37,520
now. That's a camera.
406
00:22:38,130 --> 00:22:42,609
That's a boom mic right there. Those are
some lights, and that's the crew right
407
00:22:42,610 --> 00:22:43,660
over there, man.
408
00:22:43,670 --> 00:22:45,630
You should be more convincing.
409
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:48,680
Be more convincing. Be more like you're
really, really...
410
00:22:49,390 --> 00:22:51,440
Just be real freaked out. Bring it back
in.
411
00:22:51,690 --> 00:22:52,740
I'm the doctor.
412
00:22:52,741 --> 00:22:53,769
You're emotional.
413
00:22:53,770 --> 00:22:54,449
You're dead.
414
00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:56,410
None of this is real. Go.
415
00:22:56,460 --> 00:23:01,010
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