All language subtitles for Picnicface s01e02 Demographics.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,040 You do this, this, or this? Yeah. Try this. Thanks. Now I do this. 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,540 Call 1 -triple -0. Try this. 3 00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:15,750 Don't try this. 4 00:00:36,441 --> 00:00:40,079 We just got our network demographics. 5 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,339 Shows how each of us tested with different age groups. Everyone did 6 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:46,080 with 14 and 28 -year -olds, except Andy. 7 00:00:46,540 --> 00:00:49,500 You really hit the 65 -plus demographic. 8 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:51,599 No, you're the old one. That's your thing. 9 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,479 That's not my thing. What do you mean it's my thing? I'm not the old one. My 10 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,460 thing is, like, I'm the, you know, the racist? Yeah. No, I'm not the racist. 11 00:00:58,461 --> 00:01:01,719 It's not your fault. There's just a generation gap between us. It's not a 12 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,250 generation gap. You're four years younger than me. 13 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,410 There's still a gap. 14 00:01:05,411 --> 00:01:07,259 Like, what's your middle name? 15 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:08,310 Martin. 16 00:01:08,311 --> 00:01:10,169 Martin, what's your middle name? 17 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,950 Hot Groove. Hot Groove. Your middle name is Hot Groove? 18 00:01:12,951 --> 00:01:16,629 Yeah. Scott is, like, the same age as me. In fact, I think he's three months 19 00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:20,120 older than me. So? Yeah, but Scott does things that make him seem young. 20 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:21,049 Mom's up! 21 00:01:21,050 --> 00:01:22,009 Mom's up! 22 00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:23,850 Yeah! What is Mom's up? 23 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,670 I've never heard of that. Mom's up. You go, Mom's up. 24 00:01:26,671 --> 00:01:29,289 Okay, you know what? I'm going to prove to all of you that I am the youngest 25 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,690 skewing person here. 26 00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:33,420 Oh, how'd you do? 27 00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:36,550 Um, people think I'm gay. 28 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,110 You didn't expect to get robbed by truckers, did you? 29 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,500 It's a trucker! 30 00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:54,110 What? 31 00:01:55,260 --> 00:01:56,310 It's a cop. 32 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,410 What are we doing? 33 00:01:57,740 --> 00:02:00,060 We're not robbers. We're truckers. 34 00:02:00,061 --> 00:02:01,439 Bad luck. 35 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,179 Bad luck? 36 00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:04,290 How did they know we were going to be here? 37 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:05,680 We were ratted out. 38 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:08,350 It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Well, one of you is a rat. 39 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:11,030 Listen, with regard to our... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 40 00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:12,340 With regard to? 41 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,030 I just mean in terms of how we approach... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 42 00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:17,540 In terms of? 43 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:20,320 What is this, word college? 44 00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:23,200 Please, I just... Whoa, whoa, whoa! 45 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,330 Please? 46 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:30,520 Looks like we found ourselves a rat. 47 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:31,950 I'm not a rat. 48 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:36,400 I'm a trucker. Well, if you're a trucker, what's the trucker password? 49 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,090 Truck? 50 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,750 Checks out. 51 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,520 Lucky get... 52 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,030 What's that? Nothing. 53 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,190 It's just my big fat trucker guts. 54 00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:57,350 It's your big fat trucker... It's not trucker guts! 55 00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,570 They're just tiny bags of chips! 56 00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:01,650 Tiny bags of lies! 57 00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,810 Wait a second. 58 00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,930 This isn't a blue collar! 59 00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:11,030 It's just a white collar painted blue! 60 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:15,770 And his mullet is just attached to his high hat! You can't... 61 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,010 It can. 62 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:21,930 It's sweet. 63 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,000 You're not a trucker at all. 64 00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:28,500 You're a bag of sugar. 65 00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:31,730 I've been talking to a bag of sugar the whole time. 66 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,400 Bill, this must have been in their minds. 67 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,130 Bill? 68 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:41,700 Bill, you're cold to the touch. 69 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,660 You're not a trucker. 70 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:45,630 You're a spoon. 71 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,240 A bag of sugar. 72 00:03:47,241 --> 00:03:48,399 And a spoon. 73 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,360 Oh, and this ain't a convenience store. 74 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,200 It's a bowl of cereal. 75 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,480 I'm not a trucker. 76 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:55,750 I'm a deer. 77 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,680 I'm a deer in a bowl of cereal. 78 00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,680 Baby deer, baby deer. 79 00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:04,900 Delightful reels of the baby deer. 80 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,120 No more tears with the baby deer. 81 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,380 Throw away your beautiful baby deer. 82 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:15,040 Honey, oats, and deer. Honey, oats, and deer. Baby deer. 83 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,600 Baby deer, deer, deer. 84 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:19,200 Life Cereal, now with baby deer. 85 00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:35,059 Hello, I'm Victor Life Cereal, founder and CEO of Life Cereal. In 86 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,520 each box of Life Cereal, you'll find a baby deer. 87 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,700 How do you like me now, Gregory Cheerio? 88 00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:45,550 Can your cartoon bee compete with what a live baby deer can do? 89 00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:47,650 I'm Gregory Cheerio. 90 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:54,229 I hear your challenge, Victor Life Cereal, and you're on. From now on, 91 00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:56,950 of Cheerios will come with a swarm of live bees. 92 00:04:57,350 --> 00:05:03,609 Every box is going to be pre -shaken in the factory to ensure optimum bee 93 00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:08,310 rage. I see your challenge, Victor Life Cereal, and I'm into it. 94 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:09,880 Sorry. 95 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:13,310 Can I see a script for a minute? Yeah, yeah, sure. 96 00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:17,190 Hey, what's up, cool dudes? It's me, cool young Andy. 97 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:20,939 If you're 65 and over, you better tune out right now because this is not for 98 00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:24,070 you. I'm going to do a cool prank right now in front of everybody. 99 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,860 I'm going to chug my own piss. 100 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,740 Yo, what's up, old fogies? 101 00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:29,190 What's going on? 102 00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:30,479 What are you doing? Yeah. 103 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,060 My name is Andy, and this is Piss Chug. 104 00:05:36,340 --> 00:05:37,390 Oh. 105 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,250 Whose piss is that? 106 00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:43,590 It's my own piss. 107 00:05:44,140 --> 00:05:47,899 Can we get him out for a second before we throw him out? We're behind, Andy. I 108 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:50,980 know we're behind. In the hallway, please. 109 00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:53,919 If you don't mind, it's just that we've got five minutes to get this. 110 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,970 Stop chugging him. 111 00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:59,900 Just pull tighter and I can be the line. No, no, it's good. 112 00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,150 It's good he's back. 113 00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:01,999 I'm 114 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:08,659 Gregory 115 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:09,710 Cheerio. 116 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,760 I see your challenge, Victor, that's serial. 117 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,220 And you're on. 118 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:19,940 You drink it. You drink it. You know I'm drinking your goddamn piss. I don't, 119 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,010 man. 120 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:35,540 Previously on Picnic Face. 121 00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,140 Piss, piss, chug my old piss. 122 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:51,810 Rage! 123 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,539 Hi, I'm Patrick Corn Pops. Right now, every box of Corn Pops comes with its 124 00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:58,590 own box. 125 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,250 You don't have to put it in your hands anymore. 126 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,120 It's great. Find what you love and punch a hole through it. 127 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:08,530 Give me your kids! 128 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:10,680 I'm Harold Honeycomb. 129 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:17,340 Every box of honeycombs now comes with a small... 130 00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:19,720 Holy shit. 131 00:07:21,290 --> 00:07:22,470 Oh, man. 132 00:07:22,870 --> 00:07:23,920 Okay. 133 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:32,329 In every box of honeycomb cereal, you'll now find a small to medium -sized human 134 00:07:32,330 --> 00:07:38,409 skull. Some might say to me, Harold, why put a human skull inside of a box of 135 00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:44,269 honeycombs? To which I would reply, why not? To which they reply, because it's a 136 00:07:44,270 --> 00:07:45,570 cereal for children. 137 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:49,770 And I wouldn't have an answer to that. 138 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:56,029 Hey, we're the Shreddies brothers, Tom and Jim Shreddy. And every box of 139 00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:59,769 cereal finds something very special. But if you want to know what it is, you 140 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:00,970 gotta pull up your pants. 141 00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:11,150 Buy a box of Shreddy. 142 00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:18,480 Hi, I'm Tad Muesli. 143 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,560 Now each box of Muesli comes with Muesli. 144 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:36,500 I love my wife. 145 00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:49,240 Yeah, let's see how many boyfriends you have. 146 00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:50,700 Uh -oh. 147 00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:51,970 Looks like no boyfriends. 148 00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,150 Actually, I'm her boyfriend. 149 00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,200 Hey, 150 00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:07,370 what's up, dudes? I'm going to get fresh with this old bogey over here. 151 00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,330 Okay? My name is Andy. 152 00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:10,990 I'm what's up with the what? 153 00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:12,530 And this is Skateboard Trick. 154 00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:15,939 Check this out. You're not going to believe it. What are you doing? Check it 155 00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:16,990 out. 156 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,980 What's up, 157 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,060 kids? 158 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,900 Do this at home. You don't need helmets. 159 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:36,310 Who cares? 160 00:09:37,580 --> 00:09:38,900 Helmets are for old people. 161 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,560 It's for old people. 162 00:09:41,870 --> 00:09:43,920 Why does your breath smell like piss? Oh. 163 00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,330 Oh, hey there, girl. 164 00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:52,870 Hey, stop right there. 165 00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:54,390 Where you headed so fast? 166 00:09:54,391 --> 00:09:56,649 You looking for a nice cold pootie party? 167 00:09:56,650 --> 00:10:01,470 You bring the pootie, we'll bring... We will thank you for bringing the pootie. 168 00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:03,710 Get that fine little tush on up here. 169 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,810 Push that tush. Yeah, have a little seat on my lapsicle. 170 00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:09,160 I'll make love to you like a confused bear. 171 00:10:11,609 --> 00:10:15,070 Awkwardly. And in a manner that suggests I'm trying to escape. 172 00:10:15,470 --> 00:10:16,520 Man scared. 173 00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:20,290 Scared of that pootie. I like my women like I like my scotch, girl. 174 00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,589 On rocks. 175 00:10:21,590 --> 00:10:22,589 Show your rocks. 176 00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,990 Oh, I got a pocket full of stones, girl. 177 00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:27,540 You love it. Yeah, I'll make love to you on these. 178 00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:28,549 Rock and roll. 179 00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:29,600 Shack -a -mock. 180 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,990 Blap. I like my women like I like my rocks. 181 00:10:33,849 --> 00:10:35,390 In scotch. Ba -doom -boom. 182 00:10:35,391 --> 00:10:39,229 You can't fathom my length, girl. Oh, you can't. You'll be like stringing two 183 00:10:39,230 --> 00:10:41,340 tin cans together. You'll be like, hello? 184 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,429 I'm in ya. 185 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:43,570 Brat, brat. Oh, yeah. 186 00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:45,880 Cheap potato pie. Wacker bean. Pete Rose. 187 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:50,289 Pootie potty. Pootie pootie potty. Pootie potty. Pootie pootie potty. Shack 188 00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:53,900 boom. Shack boom. Shack shack. Ba -doom -boom. Pootie potty. Glow some cheek. 189 00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:54,949 Glow some cheek. 190 00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:56,000 Glow some cheek. 191 00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:07,750 girls on the street girls on the street girls on the street 192 00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:29,960 Hey, 193 00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:32,330 I'm Scott Vroman, the actual person. 194 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:37,149 Lately, I've observed a large number of hilarious internet videos featuring 195 00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:41,430 cats. Based on this empirical evidence, I've formed a hypothesis. 196 00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:43,570 Cats are inherently funny. 197 00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:49,269 To test this hypothesis, I'm going to add a cat to a scene to see if it makes 198 00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:53,750 that scene more amusing. In the sketch you just saw, there were no cats. 199 00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,330 Let's see what happens when we add one. 200 00:11:57,630 --> 00:11:59,070 Where you going there, girl? 201 00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,040 Oh, yeah. 202 00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,730 Yeah, I'll make love to you, girl. 203 00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:06,070 Yeah, I'll make love to you like a confused bear. 204 00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,190 Well, clearly that was a success. 205 00:12:13,730 --> 00:12:16,970 But let's increase the cat variable by one cat. 206 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:18,720 So two cats. 207 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:35,080 Well, obviously, comedically, that didn't work. 208 00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:37,360 Let's split the difference. 209 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,600 One and a half cats. 210 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:58,780 One cat is optimal. 211 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,420 Previously on Picnic Face. 212 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,540 I love my brother. 213 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,130 McCory. 214 00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:37,990 Dance. 215 00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:41,640 It's time to dance. 216 00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:43,860 To the left. 217 00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:45,680 To the left. 218 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:47,780 To the left. 219 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,840 To the left. 220 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,800 To the left. 221 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:53,640 To the left. 222 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:55,850 To the left. 223 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:57,700 To the left. 224 00:13:58,580 --> 00:13:59,630 To the left. 225 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,650 To the left. 226 00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,670 To the left. 227 00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:05,630 To the left. 228 00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:07,670 To the left. 229 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:09,570 To the left. 230 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,570 To the left. 231 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:13,560 To the left. 232 00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:31,710 Hey, 233 00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,520 Liz. How you doing? 234 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:37,780 How was your trip? 235 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,120 It was okay. 236 00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:42,139 It was good. 237 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,190 Are you okay? 238 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:47,540 Yeah. I was in my hotel and a seagull crashed into the window. 239 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:52,139 Its wings were broken and one of its legs was messed up. It was just out 240 00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:53,820 making this horrible noise. Awful. 241 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:58,080 I grabbed my pillow from my room and I snuffed it out. The pillow? 242 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,530 Weird. It kind of felt good to just end the suffering, you know? 243 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,090 I understand that. 244 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,630 I mean, sometimes it's got to be a mercy kill. 245 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,750 Yeah. 246 00:15:12,220 --> 00:15:13,380 Well, hello, you. 247 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:14,890 Hello, yourself. 248 00:15:14,891 --> 00:15:16,639 What's gotten into you today? 249 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,819 Well, I did a little bit of good today, Linz. What did you do? Well, there was a 250 00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:23,370 squirrel in the backyard really struggling with this particular nut. 251 00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:27,419 Went on for three minutes, it couldn't even open it to feed itself, and then I 252 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,770 went out back and took care of it with my pillow. 253 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:35,019 I don't... I think maybe we need to have a conversation about what you think a 254 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,439 mercy killer is. I know what it is. It's like when you look in the neighbor's 255 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:42,300 yard and there's a dog chasing its tail, just a hopeless, eternal struggle. 256 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,800 So you, naturally, go get your pillow. Oh, my God, did you murder Gloria's dog? 257 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,260 I didn't murder anything, but the dog is dead. 258 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:50,590 Oh, my God! 259 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,220 I killed your parrot, Linz. 260 00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:01,580 Sweetheart, I'm sorry. 261 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,300 You're so sad. 262 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,800 Suffering does not have to continue. 263 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,800 To the left. 264 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:10,870 To the left. 265 00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:12,830 To the left. 266 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,810 To the left. 267 00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:17,040 Let's switch it up. 268 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:23,600 To the left, to the left, to the left, to the left... 269 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,640 Let's punch it up a bit. I'll punch it up a bit. 270 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:56,120 Son of a bitch! 271 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:06,118 We got a first -timer taking off the show 272 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:08,500 tonight, so please give a warm welcome for Mrs. 273 00:17:08,740 --> 00:17:09,790 Shelley DuPont! 274 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:27,020 What is the difference between a man and a chair? 275 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:33,479 A chair has four legs, and a man will sleep with a prostitute while on a 276 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,000 business trip to Delaware. Am I right, ladies? 277 00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:41,240 How about this one, ladies? 278 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:49,400 A woman walks into a doctor's office, and the doctor says, Mrs. 279 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,640 DuPont, you have herpes. 280 00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:56,990 What? Herpes, Ms. DuPont. 281 00:17:58,350 --> 00:17:59,400 Seriously? 282 00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:01,820 Yes. 283 00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:03,530 Oh, no. 284 00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,310 Oh, no. 285 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:13,770 Have you had any unprotected sex lately, Ms. DuPont? 286 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:19,650 Only with my husband, son of a bitch, am I right? Ladies! 287 00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:25,800 I am right. 288 00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:32,070 I am right. 289 00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:44,749 That was pretty good, but let's punch it up a 290 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:45,800 bit. 291 00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:54,710 Makes everything better. 292 00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:56,180 Oh, man. 293 00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:58,070 I should be a scientist. 294 00:19:16,050 --> 00:19:17,690 Mahoney, this is the last time. 295 00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:19,379 I want you to give me your badge. 296 00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:20,499 You want my badge, Chief? 297 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,879 Yes, I want your badge. You want my badge? Please don't make this difficult, 298 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:24,930 Mahoney. Oh, I'm not. 299 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:29,119 I'm just trying to ascertain exactly what it is you want from me. Am I right 300 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,380 assume it's my badge? That's correct. 301 00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:35,279 Fine. Take my badge. It's a bag of candy. Perhaps I misunderstood the badge 302 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,330 wanted. Please don't do this. This badge? 303 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,780 That's not a badge. Is it not? 304 00:19:38,781 --> 00:19:41,079 It's a brick. Just let me get this straight, okay? 305 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,719 Let's say this is you. You're represented by this dog. 306 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,660 And this slice of pizza is me. And my badge will be played by this snowman. 307 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,590 You want me to give you the snowman? 308 00:19:50,591 --> 00:19:52,029 I can't give you anything. 309 00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:52,989 I'm pizza. 310 00:19:52,990 --> 00:19:56,169 Do not make me take it with force, Mahoney. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, 311 00:19:56,170 --> 00:20:00,209 just trying to get this straight. I will be represented by this staff of Hermes. 312 00:20:00,210 --> 00:20:04,149 And you will be this young ingenue who just arrived in the big city and is 313 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:05,890 hoping to make a splash on Broadway. 314 00:20:05,930 --> 00:20:08,210 Give me a badge. No. Give me a badge. 315 00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:09,560 I don't have it. 316 00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:12,570 Where is it? I got drunk and pinned it to a bear. 317 00:20:12,571 --> 00:20:16,589 What? Well, he could be an asset to the force. Officer Bear. Where is this bear 318 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,070 now? Well, the last I saw, he borrowed my car. 319 00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:23,980 He commandeered my car. You're going to jail. Give me your firearm. 320 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:30,610 Uh... Can I offer you a bag of candy, Chief? 321 00:20:36,030 --> 00:20:37,080 Oh, hey. 322 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,530 I'm Ron Fruits. 323 00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:41,990 And here's a box of Fruit Loops. 324 00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:43,730 You'll find me. 325 00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:45,510 We're on Fruit Loop. 326 00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:51,989 Only one box of Fruit Loop sold per day. Or as long as it takes for me to get 327 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:56,210 from one box to the other. Just dial this toll -free number. 328 00:20:56,930 --> 00:20:59,930 I'll find my way to whatever grocery store you're at. 329 00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:04,630 Slip my body into a box of cereal that you can buy. 330 00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:22,549 old man bush ruining the take oh you think old man bush doesn't know what's 331 00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:28,989 with the what well guess what guys i don't care okay i do not care because 332 00:21:28,990 --> 00:21:32,509 juvenile is ridiculous you really want me to be juvenile is that what you want 333 00:21:32,510 --> 00:21:37,349 hold this i'm gonna light my fart on fire that's right that's cool and hip 334 00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:43,129 you know with it whatever awesome iphones okay my name's andy and this is 335 00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:44,180 fart 336 00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:51,239 Oh, my God. 337 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,980 Did you just shit yourself? No. 338 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,720 Oh, my God. Someone help me. 339 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,740 Guys, wait. Just hang up. Hang on for a second. 340 00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:04,590 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 341 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,629 Mom's up. 342 00:22:14,630 --> 00:22:19,180 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 25595

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.