Original subtitles

You do this, this, or this? Yeah. Try this. Thanks. Now I do this.

Call 1 -triple -0. Try this.

Don't try this.

We just got our network demographics.

Shows how each of us tested with different age groups. Everyone did

with 14 and 28 -year -olds, except Andy.

You really hit the 65 -plus demographic.

No, you're the old one. That's your thing.

That's not my thing. What do you mean it's my thing? I'm not the old one. My

thing is, like, I'm the, you know, the racist? Yeah. No, I'm not the racist.

It's not your fault. There's just a generation gap between us. It's not a

generation gap. You're four years younger than me.

There's still a gap.

Like, what's your middle name?

Martin.

Martin, what's your middle name?

Hot Groove. Hot Groove. Your middle name is Hot Groove?

Yeah. Scott is, like, the same age as me. In fact, I think he's three months

older than me. So? Yeah, but Scott does things that make him seem young.

Mom's up!

Mom's up!

Yeah! What is Mom's up?

I've never heard of that. Mom's up. You go, Mom's up.

Okay, you know what? I'm going to prove to all of you that I am the youngest

skewing person here.

Oh, how'd you do?

Um, people think I'm gay.

You didn't expect to get robbed by truckers, did you?

It's a trucker!

What?

It's a cop.

What are we doing?

We're not robbers. We're truckers.

Bad luck.

Bad luck?

How did they know we were going to be here?

We were ratted out.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Well, one of you is a rat.

Listen, with regard to our... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

With regard to?

I just mean in terms of how we approach... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

In terms of?

What is this, word college?

Please, I just... Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Please?

Looks like we found ourselves a rat.

I'm not a rat.

I'm a trucker. Well, if you're a trucker, what's the trucker password?

Truck?

Checks out.

Lucky get...

What's that? Nothing.

It's just my big fat trucker guts.

It's your big fat trucker... It's not trucker guts!

They're just tiny bags of chips!

Tiny bags of lies!

Wait a second.

This isn't a blue collar!

It's just a white collar painted blue!

And his mullet is just attached to his high hat! You can't...

It can.

It's sweet.

You're not a trucker at all.

You're a bag of sugar.

I've been talking to a bag of sugar the whole time.

Bill, this must have been in their minds.

Bill?

Bill, you're cold to the touch.

You're not a trucker.

You're a spoon.

A bag of sugar.

And a spoon.

Oh, and this ain't a convenience store.

It's a bowl of cereal.

I'm not a trucker.

I'm a deer.

I'm a deer in a bowl of cereal.

Baby deer, baby deer.

Delightful reels of the baby deer.

No more tears with the baby deer.

Throw away your beautiful baby deer.

Honey, oats, and deer. Honey, oats, and deer. Baby deer.

Baby deer, deer, deer.

Life Cereal, now with baby deer.

Hello, I'm Victor Life Cereal, founder and CEO of Life Cereal. In

each box of Life Cereal, you'll find a baby deer.

How do you like me now, Gregory Cheerio?

Can your cartoon bee compete with what a live baby deer can do?

I'm Gregory Cheerio.

I hear your challenge, Victor Life Cereal, and you're on. From now on,

of Cheerios will come with a swarm of live bees.

Every box is going to be pre -shaken in the factory to ensure optimum bee

rage. I see your challenge, Victor Life Cereal, and I'm into it.

Sorry.

Can I see a script for a minute? Yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, what's up, cool dudes? It's me, cool young Andy.

If you're 65 and over, you better tune out right now because this is not for

you. I'm going to do a cool prank right now in front of everybody.

I'm going to chug my own piss.

Yo, what's up, old fogies?

What's going on?

What are you doing? Yeah.

My name is Andy, and this is Piss Chug.

Oh.

Whose piss is that?

It's my own piss.

Can we get him out for a second before we throw him out? We're behind, Andy. I

know we're behind. In the hallway, please.

If you don't mind, it's just that we've got five minutes to get this.

Stop chugging him.

Just pull tighter and I can be the line. No, no, it's good.

It's good he's back.

I'm

Gregory

Cheerio.

I see your challenge, Victor, that's serial.

And you're on.

You drink it. You drink it. You know I'm drinking your goddamn piss. I don't,

man.

Previously on Picnic Face.

Piss, piss, chug my old piss.

Rage!

Hi, I'm Patrick Corn Pops. Right now, every box of Corn Pops comes with its

own box.

You don't have to put it in your hands anymore.

It's great. Find what you love and punch a hole through it.

Give me your kids!

I'm Harold Honeycomb.

Every box of honeycombs now comes with a small...

Holy shit.

Oh, man.

Okay.

In every box of honeycomb cereal, you'll now find a small to medium -sized human

skull. Some might say to me, Harold, why put a human skull inside of a box of

honeycombs? To which I would reply, why not? To which they reply, because it's a

cereal for children.

And I wouldn't have an answer to that.

Hey, we're the Shreddies brothers, Tom and Jim Shreddy. And every box of

cereal finds something very special. But if you want to know what it is, you

gotta pull up your pants.

Buy a box of Shreddy.

Hi, I'm Tad Muesli.

Now each box of Muesli comes with Muesli.

I love my wife.

Yeah, let's see how many boyfriends you have.

Uh -oh.

Looks like no boyfriends.

Actually, I'm her boyfriend.

Hey,

what's up, dudes? I'm going to get fresh with this old bogey over here.

Okay? My name is Andy.

I'm what's up with the what?

And this is Skateboard Trick.

Check this out. You're not going to believe it. What are you doing? Check it

out.

What's up,

kids?

Do this at home. You don't need helmets.

Who cares?

Helmets are for old people.

It's for old people.

Why does your breath smell like piss? Oh.

Oh, hey there, girl.

Hey, stop right there.

Where you headed so fast?

You looking for a nice cold pootie party?

You bring the pootie, we'll bring... We will thank you for bringing the pootie.

Get that fine little tush on up here.

Push that tush. Yeah, have a little seat on my lapsicle.

I'll make love to you like a confused bear.

Awkwardly. And in a manner that suggests I'm trying to escape.

Man scared.

Scared of that pootie. I like my women like I like my scotch, girl.

On rocks.

Show your rocks.

Oh, I got a pocket full of stones, girl.

You love it. Yeah, I'll make love to you on these.

Rock and roll.

Shack -a -mock.

Blap. I like my women like I like my rocks.

In scotch. Ba -doom -boom.

You can't fathom my length, girl. Oh, you can't. You'll be like stringing two

tin cans together. You'll be like, hello?

I'm in ya.

Brat, brat. Oh, yeah.

Cheap potato pie. Wacker bean. Pete Rose.

Pootie potty. Pootie pootie potty. Pootie potty. Pootie pootie potty. Shack

boom. Shack boom. Shack shack. Ba -doom -boom. Pootie potty. Glow some cheek.

Glow some cheek.

Glow some cheek.

girls on the street girls on the street girls on the street

Hey,

I'm Scott Vroman, the actual person.

Lately, I've observed a large number of hilarious internet videos featuring

cats. Based on this empirical evidence, I've formed a hypothesis.

Cats are inherently funny.

To test this hypothesis, I'm going to add a cat to a scene to see if it makes

that scene more amusing. In the sketch you just saw, there were no cats.

Let's see what happens when we add one.

Where you going there, girl?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'll make love to you, girl.

Yeah, I'll make love to you like a confused bear.

Well, clearly that was a success.

But let's increase the cat variable by one cat.

So two cats.

Well, obviously, comedically, that didn't work.

Let's split the difference.

One and a half cats.

One cat is optimal.

Previously on Picnic Face.

I love my brother.

McCory.

Dance.

It's time to dance.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

Hey,

Liz. How you doing?

How was your trip?

It was okay.

It was good.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I was in my hotel and a seagull crashed into the window.

Its wings were broken and one of its legs was messed up. It was just out

making this horrible noise. Awful.

I grabbed my pillow from my room and I snuffed it out. The pillow?

Weird. It kind of felt good to just end the suffering, you know?

I understand that.

I mean, sometimes it's got to be a mercy kill.

Yeah.

Well, hello, you.

Hello, yourself.

What's gotten into you today?

Well, I did a little bit of good today, Linz. What did you do? Well, there was a

squirrel in the backyard really struggling with this particular nut.

Went on for three minutes, it couldn't even open it to feed itself, and then I

went out back and took care of it with my pillow.

I don't... I think maybe we need to have a conversation about what you think a

mercy killer is. I know what it is. It's like when you look in the neighbor's

yard and there's a dog chasing its tail, just a hopeless, eternal struggle.

So you, naturally, go get your pillow. Oh, my God, did you murder Gloria's dog?

I didn't murder anything, but the dog is dead.

Oh, my God!

I killed your parrot, Linz.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

You're so sad.

Suffering does not have to continue.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

To the left.

Let's switch it up.

To the left, to the left, to the left, to the left...

Let's punch it up a bit. I'll punch it up a bit.

Son of a bitch!

We got a first -timer taking off the show

tonight, so please give a warm welcome for Mrs.

Shelley DuPont!

What is the difference between a man and a chair?

A chair has four legs, and a man will sleep with a prostitute while on a

business trip to Delaware. Am I right, ladies?

How about this one, ladies?

A woman walks into a doctor's office, and the doctor says, Mrs.

DuPont, you have herpes.

What? Herpes, Ms. DuPont.

Seriously?

Yes.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Have you had any unprotected sex lately, Ms. DuPont?

Only with my husband, son of a bitch, am I right? Ladies!

I am right.

I am right.

That was pretty good, but let's punch it up a

bit.

Makes everything better.

Oh, man.

I should be a scientist.

Mahoney, this is the last time.

I want you to give me your badge.

You want my badge, Chief?

Yes, I want your badge. You want my badge? Please don't make this difficult,

Mahoney. Oh, I'm not.

I'm just trying to ascertain exactly what it is you want from me. Am I right

assume it's my badge? That's correct.

Fine. Take my badge. It's a bag of candy. Perhaps I misunderstood the badge

wanted. Please don't do this. This badge?

That's not a badge. Is it not?

It's a brick. Just let me get this straight, okay?

Let's say this is you. You're represented by this dog.

And this slice of pizza is me. And my badge will be played by this snowman.

You want me to give you the snowman?

I can't give you anything.

I'm pizza.

Do not make me take it with force, Mahoney. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay,

just trying to get this straight. I will be represented by this staff of Hermes.

And you will be this young ingenue who just arrived in the big city and is

hoping to make a splash on Broadway.

Give me a badge. No. Give me a badge.

I don't have it.

Where is it? I got drunk and pinned it to a bear.

What? Well, he could be an asset to the force. Officer Bear. Where is this bear

now? Well, the last I saw, he borrowed my car.

He commandeered my car. You're going to jail. Give me your firearm.

Uh... Can I offer you a bag of candy, Chief?

Oh, hey.

I'm Ron Fruits.

And here's a box of Fruit Loops.

You'll find me.

We're on Fruit Loop.

Only one box of Fruit Loop sold per day. Or as long as it takes for me to get

from one box to the other. Just dial this toll -free number.

I'll find my way to whatever grocery store you're at.

Slip my body into a box of cereal that you can buy.

old man bush ruining the take oh you think old man bush doesn't know what's

with the what well guess what guys i don't care okay i do not care because

juvenile is ridiculous you really want me to be juvenile is that what you want

hold this i'm gonna light my fart on fire that's right that's cool and hip

you know with it whatever awesome iphones okay my name's andy and this is

fart

Oh, my God.

Did you just shit yourself? No.

Oh, my God. Someone help me.

Guys, wait. Just hang up. Hang on for a second.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mom's up.

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