Original subtitles

I knew that was going to happen. What? How?

I could see the future. Then why didn't you stop it from happening? I think

we'll only see four -tenths of a second in the future. Okay, well, that's

stupid. Stupid.

Oh, what the fuck?

I knew that was going to happen. That's because you did it. Open credits.

What?

Hey, guys, we're Picnic Face, and welcome to our very first episode.

We are super excited to have a television show, but we should probably

ourselves. Mark. Kyle. Andy.

Cheryl. Brian McQuarrie. It's kind of bad timing, because this place that we

live in and shoot in is really expensive.

We're going to have to get part -time jobs, then.

Well, I mean, we're...

Working in part -time jobs, we just basically have to wait till the

show money comes in, I guess. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone working in Canadian

entertainment has a part -time job, Andy.

Name a person.

I don't know.

Christopher Plummer. Does Christopher Plummer have a part -time job?

Yeah, works for the passport office.

Brian Adams is a Brian Adams impersonator.

Yeah, for times they can't afford the real Brian Adams.

David Suzuki, Kraft Dill. That is not a job.

Hey, what did our accountant say?

No, we've got to get a part -time job.

What?

Accountant! Is he going to walk all the way to the accountant?

That's in Vancouver. That's the other side of the country. Is that what he's

doing?

Accountant!

Accountant!

Accountant!

Accountant!

Mr. Matheson, I know that you are in financial trouble.

This box may be the answer to your problem.

If you push this button, two things will happen.

One, someone somewhere in the world who you don't know will die.

You just push the button.

You didn't let me finish. Yeah.

Someone somewhere in the world will die. Got it. Don't hit it again.

That's the second. No, just let me finish.

But you'll get a million dollars.

Oh. Yeah.

Okay.

Great. That's great. Yeah, you've hit it three times. You killed three people.

Why can't I have my million dollars?

It was supposed to be like a moral puzzle.

Yeah, no, that's not how you solve the puzzle. It's not that kind of puzzle.

just killed four people.

Do you understand that?

Yeah.

You killed four people. You hit them four times.

What?

Is that... Don't hit it again.

Okay, no, don't round up. Round up to what? Five. To five?

I don't understand. You don't want to kill... Okay, look. Yeah, here.

Okay? Here's your million dollars. There you go.

Why'd you hit it again? Why'd you hit it again? I would like a second million

dollars, please. It doesn't work that way. You just get one million dollars.

Take it.

No deal. That's not what? No what deal?

I choose the box. Stop hitting the button. You're not choosing the box. You

don't get the box. The box isn't part of the deal.

Ow, my finger got caught in the box.

He dunked it.

They're getting married tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Goddamn, Cassio, you're my best friend.

I know you got my back through thick and thin.

And you sing so sweet. Get me up on my feet. Got me singing your praises to a

priest at Samba Beat. And you'd never stab me in the back unlike that bitch

Sarah. Remember when we found her with my boyfriend and her bride took you

And we wrote a song that night.

Here's a little taste of what that sounded like.

How could you, Sarah?

I didn't kill you.

I didn't kill you.

C to the A to the SIO. You're the only one I trust because you're the only one

who knows all the secrets that I whisper to you late at night when we're under

my blankets with a flashlight.

Let's burn this mother down with a little rock, too.

Good morning, sir.

Cut the chitchat, Jameson. What do you got? Sir, I've got a whole campaign for

our new line of men's products.

I'm listening so hard right now.

Razor. Love them. Men use them, but here's why they'll use ours.

We'll show a guy shaving, then all of a sudden, boom, check out these jet

planes. Whoa. Rawr.

Shaving. It's like jet play.

Exactly, sir. This is your pilot speaking. Prepare to be so fucking

that. Deodorant. Spoiler alert.

I'm listening. Why would people use our deodorant? Oh, I don't know. Maybe

because our ads.

feature a lion riding a sea -doo?

You just shit my pants. Thank you, sir. How'd that lion get on that sea -doo?

The same way our deodorant'll get on men's pits, sir. Magic. Magic. What

our line of tweezers? How does a slice of pizza karate kicking the Statue of

Liberty in the pit sound, sir? Jesus, you're giving my ears a boner. Let's

finish those ears off, sir. Check this out. Is that a head of lettuce piloting

helicopter into a bear?

That's right, sir.

Floss! Amazing work. If this sandwich were a woman, I'd get it to fuck you

now. I'll fuck that sandwich, sir. Yeah. We're bad.

We're bad. We're bad.

We're bad. We're bad.

We're

bad.

In cinema's pornography genre, the male point of view shot has long been

popular, allowing the viewer to feel as though they are experiencing the sex act

themselves. But in 1978, porn director Kane Ronson turned the tables and the

cameras in his hit film, Pumptown.

Ooh, you like that?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, put it in me.

Oh, way ahead of you.

female point of view shot, revolutionized pornographic

rocketed Ronson to fame, along with his favorite leading man, Bob Morris.

And we're in the middle of Pumpdown, and I got an idea.

And I said, what do I say to you? Well, you said, why don't you try this one

right down the barrel? Down the barrel. Yeah.

Down the barrel. And you know what? We turn those cameras around.

Beautiful. And I said, more of this.

I want more of this. This is all I want.

You know?

Right down the barrel. Down the barrel.

Do your voice.

Do it.

Oh, you like that dipstick, baby?

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to fill you right up with premium diesel.

Yeah, where are you looking?

Right down the barrel. That's my boy.

The female point of view shot became Ronson's hallmark and was used

in his 1980 hit, 18 Wheeler.

Oh, yeah, it's going to be a long haul.

By 1981, Ronson was the best paid director in pornography.

But his fast lane lifestyle began to take a toll.

And I go up to the next one and the next one and the next one. There's so many

girls in my swimming pool. I do a cannonball into the pool and girls go

out to the side. It's amazing.

I once had a dream. I was fucking the moon.

I don't even know if that was a dream.

I think that actually happened.

It's not going to stop. It's down the barrel. It's never going to stop being

down the barrel. That's life. Life is down the barrel. You know, you look life

in the eyes and you can fuck it. But the porn world would be rocked in 1982 when

Ronson. at the peak of his fame, was convicted of drug trafficking and

to ten years in prison.

In order to fulfill his contractual obligations, he had his eight -year -old

son, Ducton, take over his writing and directorial duties.

Here's a scene from Boobies and Toots.

Ooh, your vagina is all hairy like my dog.

His name's Puccini. Oh, can I come to your house and play with your dog? No,

in a pee -pee -white pee -pee. I like you. Let's get married.

Okay.

In 1985, unable to withstand the isolation of prison, Ronson took his own

He wrote his suicide note into the script of his posthumous film, The Final

Curtain.

I love you all, and I'm sorry if this decision causes you any pain, but I look

into the future, and all I see is black.

Down the barrel. Down the

barrel.

So what are you going to do?

For what? For your job.

I don't know. I'll just do it.

I always do. Stuff usually just sort of comes to me. Like two summers ago, I got

money from a guy because I let him shave my head bald.

That was the summer I went to Europe. It was fortuitous because I met a fun pack

of bald guys in Belgium at a hostel.

And then we all hung out. We were like the bald guys.

We all got matching tattoos. Didn't I show you that?

Matching throwing star tattoos.

That's not a throwing star, Mark.

Yes, it is. No, it's not. That's a swastika.

Oh, no.

We joked around a lot.

Although, looking back, yeah, some of those jokes were definitely Nazi jokes.

What's white and white and white all over?

Perfect world.

Yeah, that's a Nazi joke.

Why don't you tell the joke to Ebony and see how she feels? Why? Why wouldn't I?

Okay, well, maybe because Ebony is Jewish, so why don't we... Yeah, she's

Jewish. Oh.

Don't make that face. No, I'm sorry.

So, what's white and white and white all over?

A perfect world.

We're not putting this on television.

Because I'm going to edit it out. I'm editing this piece and there's no way

going to put this in. Mark, do you want everyone to think that you're racist?

How about this? I edit this piece and right now you've got a horse for a head.

What do you mean I have a horse for a head? Okay, so this tangent has gotten

horrifying.

Point is, we really need to get part -time jobs.

You son of a bitch!

Mr. David, congratulations, you're a father.

And he's healthy.

Got ten fingers and ten toes.

But that's all.

Oh, God. No. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Some people can't even have babies.

Black hole.

Black hole.

Black hole.

Doing it dirty.

On my signal, we're going over that ridge and we're not coming back till

goddamn German is dead.

Oh, man.

Can you imagine if we actually won this thing?

Wouldn't that be weird?

What would you do if we actually won?

Would you be like, yeah, we did it.

Yeah,

sure. Yeah, I guess so. What if we went over there? We got in the trench.

And then I turned out no one was there.

It was just the flies.

And those were the enemy? The flies were the enemy? What would you do?

I don't know. I don't... What if I got over there and I got shot right in the

head? And I couldn't say any of my answers anymore?

Wouldn't that be weird?

Yeah, I guess it would be weird, sure.

Would you help me out?

No, I would not help you out. That's just not that big of a disability. What

you think of the hues? Keep your head down. Hey, the moon is out.

They can see us. Can you imagine if there was no moon?

There'd be no werewolves. There are no werewolves anyway.

Yeah, but what if there were werewolves? No, there's never going to be. Just

shut up. Why do you keep doing this?

What would you do if you only had two weeks to live, but you were trapped in a

plaster mold of your own fate?

I don't know.

Who asked that question?

I'm just curious. What would you do if your name was Beef Soup?

I would change it.

Kevin!

Kevin! Oh, my God, you've been shot.

Oh, my God.

I'm not going to make it, man.

You're going to make it.

Just stay with me, buddy. Look at me.

I need you to get this letter to my wife.

Okay.

Listen, Kevin, look at me.

Kevin, can you imagine if when I gave this letter to your wife, it turned out

she was an owl?

Wouldn't that be weird?

Do you know the internet password?

Yeah, it's RVG98765.

It didn't work.

Put a rubber on that dunk.

Accountant!

Accountant!

Accountant!

Accountant!

Yeah.

Jumba Wumba!

So, we all got fired from our jobs, pretty much.

I liked my job.

Okay,

Cheryl, you know what? You gotta put that away.

Don't you fucking tell me what to do, Andrew!

That will be our landlord coming to the big desk. Oh, hey, Mark.

We actually thought you were the landlord just now.

I am.

What?

Yeah.

You'd be surprised how much money you can make walking down the street with

face. I bought the place.

That's amazing.

Yeah, that's great.

We were so worried.

Yeah. So, um, when are you guys moving out?

I'm sorry?

I'm a landlord. This is what I do for a job right now. Am I being crazy here?

Bummer. You're a friend.

No.

I am your landlord.

I don't know what part of this you don't understand, but let me make it very

clear. You pay rent.

To stay in the house that I own.

How you doing, big guy?

Better. Hey, listen.

I thought about it, and you guys can keep the apartment.

I guess I had a change of heart.

Okay, can someone take care of this for me, please?

Oh,

a nurse?

Oh, hey, guys.

I'm just here mascotting for Ed's bedpans.

The real nurse will be here in a minute.

I got that!

Late

afternoon,

another day is nearly done.

A darker gray is breaking through a lighter one.

A thousand sharpened elbows in the underground.

A hollow hurried sound.

Feet on polished floor.

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