Original subtitles

Dewey, could you reach

into my sock drawer with your hand

and get me a pair of socks?

Okay.

Not that one. On top.

Not on top of the dresser!

Right in front of you! The sock drawer!

That's your sock drawer! Go next to it!

On the other side!

Not behind the dresser!

[grunting] All you have to do is reach into my drawer and...

[screaming]

You're so stupid, Dewey.

♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big ♪

♪ Life is unfair ♪

After two months of unemployment,

Mom went to Lucky Aide

and begged for her job back.

They finally let her come back

as a probationary employee.

It just goes to show you, Malcolm: If you want

to wear the smock, you can't be afraid to humble yourself.

I had forgotten how well this hangs.

HAL: Honey? Ah!

[chuckles] I've got a surprise.

Oh, we're running late, Hal.

I can't be late while I'm still

on probation at the store.

This is worth it.

Ta-da!

It's a cat habitat.

You know how you're always saying

there's no reason for us to get a cat?

Well, now there is one!

It's got a tetherball, two main decks,

an activity center,

and a crow's nest to look out for other cats.

I call it Cat-man-do!

[grunting]

Like every idea she has is so great.

[grunting]

You think it's gonna snow?

Don't be silly.

It hasn't snowed in a year and a half.

That could change.

We could have a snow day any day now.

I deserve a snow day.

The whole neighborhood's going to see this thing in our trash

and know your mother is nuts.

It's awfully big.

You think the trash man's gonna take this?

Oh, he'll take it.

That's why I'm leaving him a six-pack.

You're the only thing I've ever been proud of.

Come on, Dewey.

Didn't you used to work here

a couple of months ago?

Oh, yeah.

I practically ran this place for about 12 years.

In fact, I think I still hold the record...

Lois! Mr. Kushell said

probationary employees have to wear the pin.

So big.

I've been on probation lots of times, Lois.

You can choose not to feel humiliated.

They're just trying to break your spirit

with the pin and the drug tests

and those draconian hygiene checks.

I suggest, for the next two weeks,

you wash your hands after using the bathroom

just in case.

Oh, by the way, they changed the codes.

The women's room isn't 456892;

it's 630385.

Oh, and if you ever need the men's,

don't try 876466; it's 459929.

Damn it.

Over-ring on two.

[register beeps]

I'm sure you're good at lots of things.

What is this?

It's the new ad campaign for Smoooth Malt Liquor.

You don't find this offensive?

What?

It's a black janitor with a mop

and a six-pack of malt liquor in his hand.

I don't know that he's a janitor.

Maybe he just spilled something.

His name is Slappy?

A delightful throwback to a simpler time.

Well, I'm getting rid of it.

If you get caught, I don't know about this!

And I would have loved to have been called Slappy growing up!

The trash man didn't take it?

Nope.

Where's the beer?

Oh, he took that.

He drank one and poured the rest into his thermos.

And he left this here to mock me.

Maybe we can chop it up.

No, Dewey.

We are not accommodating him.

I did not pour my heart and soul

into this thing so that the trash man

could refuse to take it away!

There are principles that need to...

-Ooh, get out of here! -[cats meowing]

This society is falling to pieces.

-What are you doing? -We had to replace

the one that was stolen last week.

I think Craig took it

so he can use the carpool lane.

Craig didn't take it.

I took it and put it in the trunk of my car.

Mom, what are you doing?

You're on probation.

This is completely racially insensitive.

It has no place in this store.

But Mr. Kushell told me to put it up.

Well, I'm telling you to take it down.

I can't do that.

You're not my boss here.

Mr. Kushell is.

Mr. Kushell didn't tear three inches

getting you out of him.

Now, are you going to take this down or not?

No.

She isn't coming after me, is she?

Excuse me! Excuse me!

-Yeah? -I don't know if you remember.

I put this cat habitat out last week...

Yeah, I can't take that. It's too big.

But you took the six-pack I left you.

You must have known it was an advance "thank you."

Actually, I thought it was an overdue apology.

Apology?

Why would this family give you an apology?

Because you people are pigs.

You don't even use half the stuff you throw out.

And, nine months after your wife leaves

three birth control pills in the pack,

here come the disposable diapers again.

Talk about screwed-up priorities.

And you guys buy those generic diapers

that break apart in the can,

yet I notice someone can afford a Toblerone every Friday.

Hey, buddy, this family's trash

is none of your business!

You know what? Let's start again.

There... there's no reason we can't be civil, hmm?

You have a hard job.

It's a job I respect.

Hey, Oscar...

here's your lunch.

Awful high and mighty for a trash guy.

Oops.

Over-ring on two.

MALCOLM: What's that?

-Hmm? -I threw that picture away!

Oh, we still had the negative.

It reminds me of the old you,

back when you still knew right from wrong.

Just because I'm not doing what you want

doesn't mean you get to humiliate me!

Humiliate you?

You mean there's an offensive image on display in the store?

WOMAN: My son used to love to play dress-up

just like that.

[woman laughs]

Give him a call.

Take that down!

Gee, I'm not doing what you want.

You're not doing what I want.

Maybe we should bring Mr. Kushell into this,

since he's the only one

whose opinion you seem to care about.

"No employee may display personal items

in his or her work space."

Don't worry, Mom.

It only added a day to your probation.

I'm sorry, God.

You're against the rules here.

[sobbing] I don't know who I am anymore.

Now, that's the name of that tune.

I have to admit I didn't see this coming.

[seagulls squealing]

Well, the Sanitation Department claims

that our trash man has an airtight alibi for last night.

If I want to haul this stuff away myself,

I need $1,200 for a 19-ton truck

and a Class 5 sanitation license,

which I'm pretty sure I don't have.

Honey, I don't want you to worry about this.

I will get rid of this crud

no matter how long it takes.

Hey! What makes you think that's okay?

Honey, I am not gonna tell you that this is ideal,

but if we refuse to fight this fight,

then we're really living in garbage.

Garbage of the spirit.

And that's got to be the worst kind.

I feel sorry for our neighbors

with no garbage on their lawns.

But we don't want to sound too superior.

Everybody's doing the best they can.

You know, Lois, there are things I don't say!

Like none of this would have happened

if you'd let us have a cat!

["Sleigh Bells" playing]

Can you believe some of the stuff people throw out?

Did you shut the door, tape the cracks, and spray?

You know, if you just dive in, you get used to it.

REESE: How am I supposed

to tell if the milk is bad?

Everything in this house smells the same.

[sniffing]

Principles don't always smell like roses, boys.

We are in this temporary situation

because this family stands for something.

I expect a little stoicism around here.

Oh, I'll be stoic, Dad.

Until the massive pile of trash we're living in

starts to decompose,

and the maggots start fighting with the roaches

over who gets to eat the rats' fecal matter,

and then you're going to hear some complaining from me.

[sniffing]

I think we've got a leak in here.

Reese, check the windows.

[grunting]

[exhales, panting]

-I didn't think I'd make it. -On the table.

[inhales deeply] Ahh...

Hi, Craig. Ready to go.

Craig's driving you?

Yeah. You can take the car.

But we could just go together.

Could we? Hah!

You've been so intent on acting

like we weren't in the same family.

No, that's not what I've been doing.

I'm just mature enough to draw a distinction

between what goes on at home and what we have to do at work.

Oh, I see. So it's okay to sell out your principles

as long as you're doing it for money.

Yes, Mom. Big money!

I've thrown away all morality

and agreed to go to hell for $6.25 an hour.

You know that sign is a bigoted image, Malcolm!

It's not that bad!

It's a picture of a man

with a mop and a beer.

People who mop drink beer.

People who drink beer mop.

Oh, Slappy? That thing's amazing.

He's tripled our Smoooth Malt Liquor sales.

I can't believe I've raised a son

who is so insensitive to things that really matter.

If I'm insensitive, I got that way by watching you!

Both of you, stop it!

You're making this place unlivable!

[tape ripping]

Let's go, Craig.

I think it's nice when someone does

a little something extra for poker night.

I mean, a six-ton pile of trash?

You really know how to make a guy feel special.

You know, I think the smell around here

actually makes Hal's dip taste good.

[laughter]

Man, who dealt me this hand?

I'm going to throw it out on the front yard.

-[laughter] -Come on, guys,

I really don't know what I'm going to do.

If I give up now, I mean, what kind of example

does that set for my boys?

Yeah, that's a tough one, Hal.

A man keeps chipping away at his authority,

the next thing you know, he's not the king

of his own massive pile of garbage.

[laughter]

ABE: Come on, guys, Hal's suffering.

We really should be more sensitive.

No, wait-- I got one.

I see my favorite band out there--

A Flock of Seagulls.

[laughter]

Oh! Damn.

If anyone looks at my cards, I'll be able to tell.

MAN: He can't tell.

[overlapping chatter]

What the hell are you doing?

I just thought I'd show this to the guys.

You can explain why you've been fighting

to keep this up at the store.

I wasn't fighting for it.

I was just told to put it up by my boss.

You also added, very vehemently,

that, "It's not so bad."

Maybe you can explain to everyone here

why this isn't racist.

First we pick their cotton,

then we have to solve their moral dilemmas for them.

It's probably the saddest sight

of all when racism impacts on white people.

How many white mothers and sons must be torn asunder

before we learn our lesson?

TREY: It's bad enough we have to watch them

-dance at weddings. -[laughter]

Shaking their flat asses around.

-Whoo... Ooh yeah! -[laughter]

Will you stop it?!

I need your help.

This is a completely offensive, false image

of African American men.

[laughter]

You know what's really bothering you?

You don't think I'm prejudiced.

You're just mad that, at work,

I don't have to obey you.

And now that I'm

getting older, you're losing

more and more control over me every day.

You can't stand that soon I'll be free.

He has a dream.

Sing it, my brother!

Should we talk about

what's really bothering you?

It's that you know I'm right!

You do have a code of ethics

that you're trying to deny.

What do you know about ethics?!

Bringing this in here to embarrass me

in front of Dad's friends?

Did I tell Dad how you said sooner or later

he'll realize he looks ridiculous

and quit this stupid fight with the trash man?

Did I? No! Because, no matter how mad I get,

I always treat you with some level of decency!

I'll "realize I look ridiculous"?

Hal, that's not the point!

Stop this! Just stop!

What do we need to fight for?

It's a nice night.

We came here to play cards.

Can we just play cards?

Why? What have you got?

Nothing.

-I'm out. -I fold.

DEWEY: Dad?

Dewey?

DEWEY: Dad?

Dewey?

Dewey, where are you?

I don't know.

My garbage fort collapsed.

Can you breathe?

Yes, but I don't want to.

Just keep digging until you reach daylight.

Hey. Got your note.

I need some help with this. I am in over my head.

You did the right thing coming to me.

Your mother can never know.

-That's not a problem. -Okay.

There's a way to solve this little trash dilemma.

But I need to know that you'll go all the way.

You have to want it bad.

The fact that I came to you should prove how desperate I am.

Good enough.

From here, there's no turning back.

We can implement my plan tonight.

Meet me back here at exactly 6:00.

That's in 20 minutes.

You want to go now?

Okay.

HAL: It's not stealing.

It's just borrowing.

Not stealing, just borrowing.

First, we pick up

all the trash from our lawn.

Then we top it off with a little

medical waste,

and we pay a visit to a certain garbageman.

And those guard dogs will be okay?

They'll wake up in half an hour.

They may have a slight headache.

Son, if you could just apply this kind of focus

and determination to your schoolwork...

Oh, that ship has sailed.

Only six more hours till that pin comes off.

The last six hours of probation are what I call

the Danger Zone.

Your eyes are so focused on the finish line,

you don't even realize your hands

are stuffing your pockets full of trail mix.

Damn it, Craig.

Do you believe in right and wrong?

I'm not sure I follow.

Let's just say there's something you have to do,

and you've been hoping someone else would do it,

but you've gradually realized

you have to do it yourself,

even if it breaks the rules.

Dear God, I thought I'd

-lost my chance years ago. -Huh?

Let's just get in the car and drive.

You don't have to pack.

I have clothes for you in the trunk.

Oh, for the love of God.

Thank the Lord you're getting rid of that thing.

Shirley, I had to.

I just couldn't stand it any longer.

Oh, believe me, I know.

Ever since that thing went up,

I swear we've had so many more black people in here.

What?

That is not our clientele.

We just don't have the personnel

to follow them around.

Thank you, Lois.

What are you doing?

-I'm putting this back. -Really?

You know I've always believed in admitting when I was wrong.

There were things about this that I hadn't considered.

Maybe I was too focused on controlling you.

The point is, I want this to stay.

This has to stay.

Wow!

Now all I want to do is take it down.

I mean, look at this thing.

It's horribly offensive.

What year are we living in?

His name is Slappy, for God sakes.

But, if I take it down now,

she'll think I'm only doing it to be contrary.

Am I only doing it to be contrary? No.

I really am offended by this. These are my true feelings,

which I wasn't able to have before

because I was only being contrary.

Unless it's the opposite of that.

Okay, I am definitely taking this down

while I'm walking away and leaving it here

while I pretend to do nothing and figure out what to do.

[whimpers]

[grunting]

[hoarse whisper] Okay, go ahead.

Reese, what are you doing?! Come on!

Dad, I followed a possum that led me out.

Dewey, not now. This is Daddy's time with Reese.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Dewey, I don't need you talking sense to me right now!

Reese, quit screwing around!

[shrieks]

Ohh!

[whimpering]

[screaming]

[crash, car alarm blaring]

[screams, whimpers]

What good is running gonna do?!

We live here!

HAL: Nice try, little boy!

If I leave it up, Mom gets what she wants.

If I take it down,

Mom still has her hooks in me,

which is what she really wants.

No matter what I decide...

Wait a minute.

I don't have to decide.

I can leave it to chance.

Heads, I take it down.

Tails, I'll leave it up.

I'm not listening to my mom anymore.

From now on, I'm listening to you.

[gasps]

[opera music playing]

I'm so glad you liked the filet.

It really brings out the finish in the wine.

So, we'll be taking away three bags today?

Two. Of course, two.

Captioned by Post Haste Digital