Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,482
So, after I was indicted,
my wife lost her job
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,615
and had a nervous breakdown,
3
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,573
and if that wasn't bad enough,
4
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,662
one of our sons stole
his brother's girlfriend,
5
00:00:10,749 --> 00:00:11,924
which madehim run away
from home and join the Army.
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:12,751
Left, right...
7
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,318
[grunting]
8
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,539
We don't even know where he is.
9
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:19,367
We've entered
Afghani airspace.
10
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:23,327
Remember, pull the green cord
before the light green cord.
11
00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:26,635
We're just worried
sick about him.
12
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:29,594
It's just that you feel
so helpless, you know?
13
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:32,249
Look, I don't set
the prices, mister.
14
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:35,165
They're four bucks a box.
Take it or leave it.
15
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,079
Oh, all right.
16
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,255
Just the Thin Mints.
17
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,694
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
18
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,827
♪ I don't know ♪
19
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:48,178
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
20
00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:50,398
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
21
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,835
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
22
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:54,402
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
23
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:57,361
♪ And you're not so big ♪
24
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,842
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
25
00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,844
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
26
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,759
♪ You're not
the boss of me now
27
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:07,154
♪ And you're not so big ♪
28
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:11,201
♪ Life is unfair ♪
29
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,899
HAL: It doesn't have
to be tuna surprise.
30
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:15,771
It can be chicken
surprise, or beef,
31
00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:18,339
but there will be
a surprise involved.
32
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,515
You know, we can wait
for Mom to make dinner.
33
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,386
I'm sorry, she went to talk
34
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:24,301
with some Army
administrator about Reese.
35
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,650
She'll be gone for hours.
36
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,217
LOIS:
Get your hands off me!
37
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:28,523
Your authority stops
38
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,307
at my property line!
39
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,314
What did she do?
40
00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:38,794
She completely
41
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,143
destroyed an office,
made explicit threats
42
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,058
against the United States Army,
43
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,974
attacked my groinage region,
and captured same.
44
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,629
Uh... Listen,
maybe there's a way
45
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,805
we can make
this whole thing go away.
46
00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,372
Sir,
47
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,287
if she comes
within 500 feet of my perimeter
48
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:56,072
I've been given
the authority to engage.
49
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,943
Mom, what happened?
50
00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,859
I'll tell you what happened.
51
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:03,906
I told them how my underage son
ran away and joined the Army
52
00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:06,169
under false pretenses
and was sent off to combat,
53
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,779
and you know
what they said?
54
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:10,520
They said if you can
find out what name he used,
55
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,697
they can have him
back to us in six months.
56
00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,612
Six months!
57
00:02:14,699 --> 00:02:17,876
They'll have him
back to us in six months?
58
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:19,313
-HAL: Honey...
-I don't know if she's upset
59
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,662
he's gonna get killed,
60
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,098
or mad someone else
is gonna do it.
61
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,578
HAL: Try to relax.
62
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,275
Honey, you know, you're
gonna lose a nail
63
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,581
inside your palm again.
64
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:27,712
Just calm down
and let the Army...
65
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,192
I don't trust the Army,
66
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,107
which means this family
has to find him,
67
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,936
and I don't trust this family,
which means I have to find him!
68
00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:38,288
Two Purple Hearts
and a Bronze Star?
69
00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:39,898
And he blubbered
like a baby.
70
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,117
MALCOLM: The Army.
71
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,074
What do you expect
of people
72
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:42,814
who would give Reese a gun?
73
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,773
Oh, that's right.
74
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,601
It's the Army's fault
if your brother gets killed.
75
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:49,038
Now, Lois, we can't blame
Malcolm for stealing
76
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:51,562
Reese's girl and causing this
whole mess in the first place.
77
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:52,955
Huh?
78
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,087
Kids his age are nothing
but raging hormones
79
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,002
and hideous self-involvement.
80
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,874
They are all
amoral little creeps.
81
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,310
Don't defend him, Hal.
82
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,094
Just help me make dinner.
83
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:06,403
[pans clanging]
84
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,057
Great, angry meat loaf.
85
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,059
Thanks a lot.
86
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,150
We don't have
to worry about Reese.
87
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:18,372
All he has to do is lay low
and not do anything stupid.
88
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,069
Oh, God.
89
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,421
REESE: I'm a lean, mean
fighting machine.
90
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:27,032
I'm a lean,
mean fighting machine.
91
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,338
I'm a robot.
92
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:31,385
Robots are cool.
93
00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,735
Green Lantern fought a robot.
94
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:35,737
I love Green Lantern.
95
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:38,043
I love pie.
96
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:43,005
Pie... Pie... Pie.
97
00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:45,094
Why am I thinking about pie?
98
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,270
I'm supposed to be thinking
about something else.
99
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,098
Does it rhyme with "pie"?
100
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:50,012
Buy?
101
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,231
Cry?
102
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,232
Die?
103
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:53,189
High?
104
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,190
Pie?
105
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,931
Pie!
106
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,237
No...
107
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:58,368
Pie?
108
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,369
Green Lantern.
109
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,892
Fighting robot.
110
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:01,763
Fighting machine.
111
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:02,807
Me...
112
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:05,114
I'm a fighting machine.
113
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:07,551
I'm a lean, mean
fighting machine.
114
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,684
I'm a lean,
mean fighting machine.
115
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,903
[automatic weapons firing,
men shouting indistinctly]
116
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,167
[indistinct yelling]
117
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:17,779
[grunts]
118
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,433
[shrieking]
119
00:04:21,738 --> 00:04:22,740
[screams]
120
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,618
DEWEY: What is that?
121
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:33,011
I made a list of
every bad thing
122
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,143
Reese ever did to me.
123
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,579
A list?
124
00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:37,364
I'm sick of having
to defend myself!
125
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:38,626
No matter what
I did to Reese,
126
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,149
he's done way
worse stuff to me,
127
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:42,804
and it's all here
on this list.
128
00:04:42,891 --> 00:04:45,241
So we're admitting
we have lists?
129
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,292
Mine starts January '95.
130
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,380
When does yours start?
131
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:57,514
Uh... October 3, 1996:
132
00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:59,386
my first
knuckle pizza.
133
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:02,737
July 10, 1997:
my first atomic swirly.
134
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,608
The big bruise of '99.
135
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:07,655
"Backyard Dentist,"
"Lighter Fluid Donut."
136
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:10,048
That's worse than stealing
a girlfriend, right?
137
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,485
I don't know...
were you in love
138
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,225
for the first time
with that donut?
139
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,184
Shut up, Dewey.
I had every right.
140
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:17,534
In fact, I owe him.
141
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,275
So you're saying if he dies,
then you'll be even?
142
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,972
I didn't say he
was going to die!
143
00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:23,801
Malcolm, he almost killed
himself with Bisquick once.
144
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,063
I'm just saying
he deserves
145
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:27,022
whatever he gets.
146
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,939
No, he doesn't.
147
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:32,593
That's something
Reese would say.
148
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,290
I'm not Reese.
149
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,248
Just because he's horrible
doesn't mean I have to be.
150
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,902
I'm better than that.
151
00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:41,341
Wow, for a brother-killer,
you sure are conceited.
152
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:45,780
Oh, uh, excuse me.
153
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,085
Hi, uh, Sergeant Rick.
154
00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:48,696
I'm wondering if
you can help me.
155
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,567
My son is underaged,
156
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,439
and I-I think you
may have recruited him.
157
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,266
Take a look.
158
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,572
Oh, yeah, Private Jetson.
159
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,400
Oh! Yeah.
160
00:05:57,487 --> 00:05:58,923
SGT. RICK:
Yeah, let's see, uh...
161
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,403
he was sent
to Fort Roberts.
162
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,622
I'll get you
the address.
163
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,363
Oh, I really appreciate this.
164
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,669
I just don't understand
what would make him go and do
165
00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:07,758
-a crazy thing like this.
-Well, the truth is
166
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,021
is today's Army's
a pretty attractive package.
167
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,327
Competitive salaries,
168
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:14,243
health benefits,
college tuition...
169
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:15,679
Lois, I didn't sign anything.
170
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:16,854
Just hear me out.
171
00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:18,552
It's only two
weekends a month,
172
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,206
plus we might qualify
for a housing allowance.
173
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,731
Okay, there's a slight
possibility of active duty,
174
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,037
but Sergeant Rick expects
global events to stabilize
175
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,865
in the next
three months.
176
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,748
MALCOLM:
Excuse me.
177
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:43,359
-What do you want?
-I'm Malcolm.
178
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,274
I'm here Monday, Wednesday,
Friday, 3:00 to 7:00.
179
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,276
No one volunteers here.
180
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,669
They're all signing up
181
00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:50,584
for the glamour jobs
at the burn unit.
182
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:53,369
I just want to do something
to help veterans.
183
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:56,720
Really? You think you can handle
helping around here?
184
00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:59,419
How 'bout trying to give
Mr. Skoros a sponge bath?
185
00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:03,945
Sure.
186
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,818
Or maybe you'd prefer to clip
Mr. Ditmar's toenails.
187
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,561
Okay.
188
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,867
Or how 'bout going
room to room,
189
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:15,130
emptying bed pans
and stanching bed sores?
190
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:18,655
You know, I think I can save us
both a little time here.
191
00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,352
This is how I see it
playing out:
192
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,702
you're going
to keep thinking
193
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,138
of worse and worse
jobs for me to do.
194
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:24,400
And you know what?
I'm going to do them.
195
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,271
All of them,
no matter what.
196
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:27,403
Why? It doesn't matter.
197
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:28,665
I have my reasons.
198
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,102
So go ahead,
knock yourself out.
199
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:34,802
Well, it kind of takes some
of the fun out of it, but okay.
200
00:07:34,889 --> 00:07:37,457
You can start the afternoon
enemas with Mr. Klegman.
201
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,329
It'll be my pleasure.
202
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:44,899
[men laughing and chattering]
203
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,150
Well, ma'am,
how can I help you?
204
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:20,978
It's about my son, Reese.
205
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:24,329
Um, I think you know him
as Private Jetson.
206
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,072
Private Jetson.
207
00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:30,422
Ma'am, let me
shake your hand.
208
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,337
This boy is the finest soldier
209
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,078
that this old
dogface ever
210
00:08:34,164 --> 00:08:35,558
had the privilege of commanding.
211
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:37,342
I wish I had a hundred
more just like him.
212
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:38,692
He's a fine boy.
213
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:42,043
Yes, well...
we think so, too.
214
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,523
I'd be proud to help you
in any way that I can.
215
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,915
Now you just name it.
216
00:08:45,002 --> 00:08:47,004
The problem is he joined
under false pretenses.
217
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,441
He ran away; he's not even
18 years old yet.
218
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,095
We need to know
where he is
219
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:53,445
so we can find him
and bring him back home.
220
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,796
I'm sorry, ma'am,
I can't help you.
221
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,189
That's classified.
222
00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,148
If your son were
on a secret mission,
223
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,629
which I'm not saying he is
nor that one exists,
224
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,761
it would compromise
said mission...
225
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:07,198
if indeed there were one.
226
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,331
My hands are tied.
227
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,813
You know, Sergeant,
228
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,728
you and I aren't
so different.
229
00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,251
I mean, if you
think about it,
230
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:18,253
we both have the same job.
231
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:21,473
Taking a bunch of mindless,
irresponsible teenagers
232
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,605
and turning them
into something
233
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,476
vaguely useful
to the world.
234
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,956
It is a challenge, ma'am.
235
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,393
[chuckles]
Last week, one of my boys
236
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,048
was trying to iron his shirt
while he was still in it.
237
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:32,876
One of mine interrupted
a war game
238
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:36,097
because his rifle was kind of
digging into his shoulder.
239
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,577
[chuckling]
240
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,882
Did you make
everyone suffer
241
00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:40,231
for what
the one kid did?
242
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:41,450
Of course.
243
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:42,886
But it never lasts,
does it?
244
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:45,976
It is stunning how much
punishment they require.
245
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,325
Tell me about it.
246
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,936
I'm amazed I get
anything else done.
247
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,548
Did you ever try
the opposite?
248
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,028
What do you mean?
249
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,291
Give one of them special
privileges for no reason.
250
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,380
Now, how does that work?
251
00:09:58,467 --> 00:09:59,947
It's really pretty neat.
252
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,514
The others don't know why
he got special privileges
253
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,908
so they start doing everything
right just to catch up.
254
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,867
Then the one you singled
out starts getting
255
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:08,346
suspicious and paranoid
256
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:10,131
and he starts informing
on the stragglers.
257
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:11,349
That sounds pretty good.
258
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,003
You mind if I steal
that one?
259
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,352
Yeah, be my guest.
260
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:15,658
You know another
good one?
261
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,791
Let them pick punishments
for each other.
262
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,183
It exercises
their creativity
263
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,924
and keeps them from
ganging up on you.
264
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:22,360
-Nice.
-You can also
265
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:23,927
take their breakfast,
lunch and dinner,
266
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,581
put it the blender
and grind it up
267
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:26,669
into a gray paste.
268
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:27,539
Eventually, they eat it.
269
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,759
That's kind of fun.
270
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,500
You are an artist.
271
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:34,590
No, I'm just
a talented amateur.
272
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,679
[sighs]
273
00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,420
I wish I could help you.
274
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,077
I wish I could just
open this drawer up
275
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,427
and show you
the information you need.
276
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,081
But I can't.
277
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,561
It's got me so frustrated
278
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,173
that I just want to stare
intently out this window
279
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,870
for, oh, say...
280
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,046
120 seconds.
281
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,182
[speaking Farsi]
282
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,285
What is wrong with these guys?
They're just like zombies.
283
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,069
It's the medication
that makes them that way.
284
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,463
Except for Kowalski.
I mean, he came to us like that.
285
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,205
Look, I don't think you
should be giving them so much.
286
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:25,815
I was reading to Donaldson
for a half an hour,
287
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,469
then a bee crawled out
of his nose.
288
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,036
Believe me, it's better
for everyone
289
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,603
to keep these men
as calm as possible.
290
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,916
Hey, Ed, you want to play?
291
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:42,876
Here we go.
292
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,225
You know what, Ed?
293
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,443
You can do this.
294
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,881
I believe in
you, all right?
295
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,621
I'm here to help you,
however long it takes.
296
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:53,582
Maybe you feel ignored here.
297
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,149
Maybe you feel
like you don't exist.
298
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:57,586
I know you exist, Ed.
299
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,196
Let me help you.
300
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,809
[pop, Ed choking]
301
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:03,940
[Malcolm gasps]
302
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:05,768
[talking baby talk]
303
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,336
Where have you been?
304
00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:09,772
You've been gone all day.
You haven't called.
305
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,340
I've been worried sick
about you.
306
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,733
Well, I have to eat, Lois.
307
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,299
I'm a human being.
308
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,474
I'm sorry I'm so late.
309
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:17,911
I had to take
the bus home.
310
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:19,608
I sold the car.
311
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,088
I bought a plane
ticket to Kabul.
312
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:22,654
There's $400 left.
313
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,917
I'd give it to you to
pay down the Visa bill,
314
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,179
but I need it for bribes.
315
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,093
What?!
316
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:27,834
I'm gonna go get him.
317
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:28,965
What are you talking about?
318
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:30,401
You can't just
go get him.
319
00:12:30,488 --> 00:12:31,968
Yes, I can.
320
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:33,753
Tonight, I'm gonna buy
enough frozen dinners
321
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,537
to last you and the boys
for three weeks.
322
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,408
Then tomorrow,
I'm flying to Kabul.
323
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,149
If I don't get anywhere
with the Army,
324
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,151
I'll hire an interpreter
and get the locals to help me.
325
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,066
If I have to, I'll make
friends with a warlord.
326
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,372
Those guys are
pretty organized.
327
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,590
I'll find him, Hal.
328
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:46,983
And when does the little bird
329
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,680
pop out of your head
and start singing?
330
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,204
This is what's
happening, Hal.
331
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:51,901
Lois...
332
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,511
you can't do this.
333
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,647
At some point, you
have to check your ego
334
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:00,127
and leave it to
the professionals.
335
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,911
I can't!
336
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:04,871
Lois, you have this reckless,
crazy belief in yourself
337
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,568
that lets you do amazing things.
338
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:09,005
It's something this family
has always depended on.
339
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,137
I would be
lost without it,
340
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:11,921
but sometimes that reckless,
341
00:13:12,008 --> 00:13:14,097
crazy belief is just, just...
342
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:16,404
reckless and crazy.
343
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:17,971
You've got to accept
344
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,842
that some people can do things
that you can't.
345
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:20,930
Heart surgeons,
346
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,192
rocket scientists,
347
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,672
that lady at the mall
348
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,021
who carves your name
into a grain of rice.
349
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:26,370
How does she do that?
350
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,763
No one knows.
351
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:29,809
Honey, honey, look...
352
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,683
I am giving you permission
not to be omnipotent.
353
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:38,078
I know it's gonna be hard,
but everything will be okay.
354
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,688
I know it will.
355
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,476
[engine humming]
356
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,611
Sarsi or Diet Sarsi?
357
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:55,835
[bird screeching]
358
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:04,495
[whimpering]
I can't do it.
359
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:05,583
[inhales wheezily]
360
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,237
I can't go on.
361
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:12,721
MAN: Is this any way
to start your morning?
362
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,984
[family laughing,
birds tweeting]
363
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,248
Mr. Waffles?
364
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:23,819
Reese, you can't give up!
365
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,038
You got
to keep going.
366
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,996
You got to keep trying!
367
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,694
You don't know
what I've been through.
368
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,958
I've been shot at, chased,
369
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:34,134
married...
370
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,745
and when the guy found out
I was a dude,
371
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,703
it wasn't
like a total deal breaker.
372
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,357
Son, I know it's hard.
373
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,794
But everything worth
doing is hard.
374
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,101
When third quarter profits
were down,
375
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,537
did Mr. Waffles give up?
376
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:48,278
No, he did not.
377
00:14:48,365 --> 00:14:51,281
He put more lip-smacking delight
in every bite!
378
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,327
I don't think I can move.
379
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:54,894
You have to move, Reese!
380
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,896
You have to get home
to your family and friends
381
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:58,288
and your country.
382
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,812
These people have no idea
what breakfast is.
383
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,293
They take rice
from the night before
384
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,817
and cook it up
into a thin paste.
385
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,994
Is that your idea of breakfast?
386
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,865
No, but...
387
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:13,434
Do you ever want to taste
my buttery goodness again?
388
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:14,565
You know I do.
389
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:15,436
Reese,
390
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,785
listen to me.
391
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,222
I now have 20% more blueberries
392
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:20,658
in every box.
393
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,269
My legs.
394
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:23,923
They plump up in the batter!
395
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,970
They're so juicy that way!
396
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,841
[panting]
397
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,322
I'm coming home!
398
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:34,368
I'm proud of you, son.
399
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:36,718
Whatever happened
to Mrs. Waffles?
400
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:37,893
She was hot.
401
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,590
Yes, she was.
402
00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:41,897
But she didn't increase
product awareness
403
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,508
in girls three to 18
a single percent.
404
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:48,164
[train whistle blows]
405
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,953
[goat bleating]
406
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,460
Nurse Peterson,
you'll be interested to know
407
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:24,766
I took everyone's tranquilizers
408
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,985
and flushed them
down the toilet.
409
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,508
What?
410
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:28,900
I came here to help
because I owe someone something,
411
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,424
a soldier like these men.
412
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:31,991
I didn't come here
to stand by and do nothing
413
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,993
while you crush their spirits
with chemicals.
414
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,169
He deserved better,
and they deserve better.
415
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,605
What the hell is
wrong with you?
416
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,215
You can't take these
men off their sedatives.
417
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,478
[loud clatter]
418
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,741
[clattering,
old men shouting]
419
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:44,873
NURSE:
Oh, my God.
420
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,614
-Security!
-[man grunting]
421
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,094
[grunting, glass breaking]
422
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:49,356
Guys, please calm down.
423
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,661
Guys!
424
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,446
[yelling]
425
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,840
[loud, chaotic chatter,
martial music]
426
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,233
[screaming]
427
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,800
-You have to stop.
-Come on, come on!
428
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,889
-You have to...
-[clang]
429
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:03,892
Ow!
430
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:05,415
Oh, I don't
want to hear it.
431
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:06,895
Isn't it bad enough
with your mother gone
432
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:08,243
and your brother
missing?
433
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,897
You have to go out
brawling in the streets?
434
00:17:09,984 --> 00:17:11,160
[sighs]
435
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,335
I'm sorry.
436
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,858
Yeah.
437
00:17:14,945 --> 00:17:16,425
Wait a minute.
438
00:17:16,512 --> 00:17:18,472
This is our dinner.
439
00:17:19,646 --> 00:17:21,431
[sighs]
440
00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:24,434
Well, good news.
441
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:25,914
God decided I don't deserve
442
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,349
to redeem myself.
443
00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:28,917
I get to carry this
soul-crushing guilt
444
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:30,962
for the rest of my life.
445
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,488
Yeah. I've been trying
to compose a requiem for him.
446
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,011
It's hard getting
in the right mood
447
00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,534
using a glitter marker.
448
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,538
Maybe we've been trying
to honor Reese the wrong way.
449
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:42,539
What do you mean?
450
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,106
Reese wasn't into helping people
451
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:45,107
and doing good deeds.
452
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:46,369
He loved to smash stuff
453
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,154
and destroy things
for no reason.
454
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,720
If we're gonna honor Reese,
455
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,592
maybe we should think
about doing it his way.
456
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:53,289
You have something in mind?
457
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,900
This kind of caught my eye.
458
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,554
An art fair?
459
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:59,861
Just think what Reese
would have done with this.
460
00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:04,170
They've got driftwood art,
yarn owls, dream catchers,
461
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:06,302
face painting, folk dancing.
462
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:08,870
They are kind of
begging for it.
463
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:10,437
I don't know.
464
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,352
There's rapping grannies.
465
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:13,831
Let me see that.
466
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,834
REESE:
Let me go, please!
467
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,228
Come on. How was I supposed
to know it was your god?
468
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,839
It looked like
a monkey man! Uhh!
469
00:18:21,926 --> 00:18:23,798
You're gonna regret this!
470
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:24,973
If my husband finds out,
471
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:26,366
he'll make you pay.
472
00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:29,238
Then you'll really be sorry.
473
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,023
Mom?
474
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,200
Thank you so much.
475
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,549
-There you are.
-[coins clink]
476
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:40,293
What in the name of God
were you thinking?!
477
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,208
Look at you.
You are filthy!
478
00:18:42,295 --> 00:18:44,166
Your nails
are a disgrace.
479
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:46,037
You've been tomb robbing!
480
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,518
Well, the fun stops
now, young man!
481
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,477
Oh, you are in
so much trouble!
482
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,087
[crowd chattering]
483
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:07,015
I just can't believe
he could really be gone.
484
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:08,234
I know.
485
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:13,978
Wow, this diaper's got
to be a five-pounder.
486
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,938
I'd like to think
Jamie knew what it was for.
487
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,157
[sighs]
488
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,680
It's so weird.
489
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,377
It seems like all my life
490
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:22,639
I've wished
for something horrible
491
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,032
to happen to Reese,
492
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,122
and now that it has, I...
493
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,732
I...
494
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,778
-Miss him?
-Yeah.
495
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,348
I do, too.
496
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:37,480
Remember when he
shaved my eyebrows
497
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:38,873
and glued them back on,
498
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,875
so I looked
permanently surprised?
499
00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:43,094
That was genius.
500
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,577
[beep, balloons popping]
501
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:50,014
-[crowd groaning]
-MAN: This is horrible!
502
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:52,930
Remember that look of pure joy
he'd get on Christmas morning
503
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,323
when he was smashing
our presents?
504
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,107
MAN: [whimpering]
Oh, it's in my eyes!
505
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,675
No matter how hard I tried,
506
00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,373
I could never make Mom's face
507
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,245
turn that special
purple color.
508
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:04,681
Reese purple.
509
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,684
Why couldn't I have said
something meaningful
510
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,208
to him before he...
511
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,339
[sighs]
512
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,123
Don't do this to yourself.
513
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,910
[popping, screaming]
514
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:19,522
MAN: Oh, no! Oh, no!
I can't believe...
515
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,002
He would have
liked this.
516
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,438
[disgusted exclamations]
517
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,048
I only wish he could have
been here to see it.
518
00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:25,224
REESE:
Me, too.
519
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,705
Reese!
520
00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:30,838
-DEWEY: You're not dead!
-MALCOLM: I can't believe it.
521
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,535
Reese, I'm so glad to see you.
522
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:33,449
All right, all right.
523
00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:35,016
Don't 'mo me.
524
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,278
How does this work?
525
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:38,019
Oh, well,
526
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:40,413
we have the remote here,
and you pick out a good one...
527
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,241
Here. We were
saving this one.
528
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,286
It's from when
Jamie had swine flu.
529
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:45,635
Nice.
530
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,770
♪ We're the rapping grannies
and we're here to say ♪
531
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,032
♪ Rapping grannies
like to kick it ♪
532
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,555
♪ The old school way ♪
533
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,209
♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪
534
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,254
♪ Rapping grannies
in the house... ♪
535
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,952
[beep, screaming]
536
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:01,347
God, I love this country.
537
00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:02,826
[commotion continues]
538
00:21:38,427 --> 00:21:40,864
Captioned by Post Haste Digital
35011
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof