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1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,671
Who's a big leaguer, huh?
2
00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,005
Who is it?
3
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,740
Ooh!
4
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,843
Hey, what an arm!
5
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,181
Oh! You got me again.
6
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,549
(both laugh)
7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:19,053
Bam! You really nailed me.
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,724
He looked like
he was enjoying it!
9
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:28,996
* Yes, no, maybe
10
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,165
* I don't know
11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,435
* Can you repeat the question?
12
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,670
* You're not the boss
of me now *
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,107
* You're not
the boss of me now *
14
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,574
* You're not the boss
of me now *
15
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,611
* And you're not so big
16
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:46,080
* You're not the boss
of me now *
17
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:48,116
* You're not
the boss of me now *
18
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,684
* You're not the boss
of me now *
19
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,521
* And you're not so big
20
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:57,057
* Life is unfair.
21
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,429
Morning.
22
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,565
What are you hiding?
23
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,699
What are you talking about?
24
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,734
Stop wasting my time.
25
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,402
I can smell the guilt from here.
26
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,904
You know, if you fess up now,
I might go easy on you.
27
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,806
You can't just pretend
to know something,
28
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,442
hoping I'll blurt out
a confession.
29
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,776
I'm not hiding anything.
30
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,481
Okay, I'm hiding something.
31
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,549
Cool, huh?
32
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,816
If I hide it from my parents
33
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,452
for a month until it heals,
34
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,820
then I can take it out
and put it back anytime I want.
35
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,422
And do you know why
I did this?
36
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,358
Me neither.
37
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,894
Hey, that's really neat.
38
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,996
Thanks. It's the
USS Constitution.
39
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,831
In 1803, it sailed all the...
40
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,400
Typhoon!
41
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,768
I can't believe you did that!
42
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:43,837
How about now?
43
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,005
You idiotic...!
44
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,607
I hate you!
45
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,075
I wish you weren't my brother!
46
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,879
I wish you never existed!
47
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,850
Wow. How did that happen?
48
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,286
What?
49
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,687
It's the most amazing thing
I've ever seen.
50
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,754
What is?
51
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,323
I wished as hard as I could
52
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,025
and Reese completely
disappeared.
53
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,360
Yeah, yeah, very funny.
54
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:09,029
Huh. The smell is gone, too.
55
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,432
I wonder if it works
on other things.
56
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,735
Nah. If this were gone,
I'd miss it.
57
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,178
(screams)
58
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,013
You have your father's breasts.
59
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,381
For God's sake,
Mother,
60
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,483
what are you doing here?
61
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,652
A simple "hello"
is asking too much?
62
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,020
I'm sorry.
63
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,356
You scared the living
daylights out of me.
64
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,457
I have news.
65
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,858
Look, if Susan kicked you out,
66
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,460
it doesn't mean
you can stay here,
67
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,828
because we just don't have
the room.
68
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,296
Not with the new baby and all.
69
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,365
Oh, yes, another precious baby.
70
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,867
You wouldn't want
your welfare checks to dry up.
71
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,703
I'm not moving in.
I'm getting married.
72
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,572
What?!
73
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,807
His name is Mr. Li.
74
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,043
I met him on my Alaska cruise.
75
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,245
We're getting married tomorrow.
76
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,648
You're getting married
tomorrow?!
77
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,550
At my age, if he has his teeth
78
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,418
and is good in bed, why wait?
79
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,185
(groans)
80
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,654
Oh, I forgot.
81
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,589
This one doesn't
like girls.
82
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,524
Grandma, I'm not gay.
83
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,493
That's right.
I'm just a liar.
84
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,429
You'll be giving the rehearsal
dinner here tonight.
85
00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:17,431
Tonight? Is Susan coming?
86
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:20,868
No. Maybe next time
your sister will think twice
87
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,936
before she yells the answer
to Wheel of Fortune.
88
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,104
Give someone else a chance.
89
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,339
Wedding's at
2:00 tomorrow.
90
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:26,540
Don't be late.
91
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,175
We have a 6:00 flight
to Hong Kong.
92
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,043
You're going to Hong Kong?
93
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,045
Yes. He has a house
there. That's where
we're going to live.
94
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,447
You're moving to China?
95
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:34,948
I know.
96
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,418
Chickens in the streets,
children in the sweatshops,
97
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,952
everyone smokes.
98
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,721
It's a dream come true.
99
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,956
It's just so sudden.
100
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,092
I understand
it is hard for you.
101
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:48,262
I know how much
you loved your father.
102
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:51,265
Yes, that's probably it.
103
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,035
Can you believe this?
104
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,737
She'll be almost exactly
105
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,472
on the other side
of the Earth.
106
00:03:58,506 --> 00:03:59,907
We'll be separated from her
107
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,042
by the entire molten core
of a planet.
108
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,578
It's like Christmas!
109
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:10,217
Francis, I've done something
wonderful for the hotel.
110
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,920
(quietly):
I hired an acting group
111
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:16,824
to stage a murder-
mystery weekend.
112
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,291
Oh, dear God.
113
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,928
The best part is, the
actors will be checking in
114
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,430
as regular guests.
115
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,632
They could be
among us right now
116
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,467
and we would never know it.
117
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,735
(man clears throat)
118
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,403
(British accent):
Attention, please!
119
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:32,506
A room for Sir Reginald
Drake and his vengeful,
120
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:36,377
alcoholic wife, Evelyn.
121
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,313
I don't have any clean socks,
Dewey.
122
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,648
Why don't you ask Reese?
123
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:41,815
Who?
124
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,751
Here, Dewey,
put this on the table.
125
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,985
What was that?
126
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,320
Reese, for God's sake,
pick it up!
127
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,287
(doorbell rings)
128
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:48,589
Oh, great.
129
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,857
HAL:
Honey, don't worry.
130
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,525
Everything's going
to be fine.
131
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,961
Just relax and let's
have a nice dinner.
132
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,464
Ida's quite a catch!
133
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,999
Hi, I'm Lois.
This is Hal.
134
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,368
Welcome to our home.
135
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,169
MR. LI:
Hello. Nice to meet you both.
136
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,203
Get your coat?
137
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,338
Stay away from me.
138
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,773
Ooh. Strong and independent.
139
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,841
Yet not so independent
that she won't be
140
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,677
a fully participating partner
in your marriage.
141
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,812
Shut up. You're blithering
like an idiot.
142
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,047
And delightfully honest.
143
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:17,851
How can you be so callous,
Cedric?!
144
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,621
CEDRIC: I told you
never to speak of that!
145
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:25,726
Now quit these pointless
hysterics and come to dinner!
146
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,496
You'd best watch
147
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,297
your step, Cedric.
148
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:36,370
An old English hunting lodge
can be a very dangerous place.
149
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,472
Please, can't you get these
morons out of here?
150
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,508
I know.
I'm very sorry.
151
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,542
Just... try to ignore them.
152
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:42,876
(gunshot)
153
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,513
Alas, I am slain!
154
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,715
Utterly slain!
155
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,983
Who would have guessed
156
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,721
that I would have been murdered
by none other than...
157
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:57,190
(grunting, groaning)
158
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,726
(screaming with pain)
159
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,195
That's it.
We're checking out.
160
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,163
No!
161
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,332
Please, wait.
162
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,768
Otto, you have
to stop this.
163
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,737
It's ruining
everyone's time.
164
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,739
Francis, try to be
more understanding.
165
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,707
They may be
a little under-rehearsed,
166
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,409
but they're working
with us.
167
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:18,178
They were completely open
to cutting the musical numbers.
168
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,180
Our guests are
leaving in droves.
169
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,550
We lost 12 in
the last hour alone.
170
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,854
I am not a big game hunter,
171
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,224
I am actually
a police inspector.
172
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:35,195
Specialty... murder.
173
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,565
I must insist
that no one leave the room!
174
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,733
Angela, I know things
didn't go so well
175
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:40,968
the last time,
176
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,970
but I'm ready to try this again.
177
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,538
Yes, Warren? Yes?
178
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,708
We'll start our questioning
with you, sir.
179
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,078
If you've nothing to hide,
you've nothing to fear!
180
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,414
If you struggle, it'll only
make it worse for you.
181
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,316
Maybe I shouldn't
have given him
182
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,486
all the keys
to the guest rooms.
183
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,795
Dinner's going okay so far.
184
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,329
Mr. Li seems nice.
185
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,499
But my tongue is killing me.
186
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,967
No one told me that putting
a metal spike through it
187
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,769
would be so uncomfortable.
188
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,838
So, you two lovebirds met
on a cruise.
189
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,139
What was that like?
190
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,408
What is this,
the third degree?
191
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,944
People meet.
Happens every day.
192
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,513
It's an interesting story.
193
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,981
The woman I dined
with the first night
194
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:31,685
was confined to sickbay
after she fell overboard.
195
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,288
We had rough seas.
196
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,157
LI:
But as often happens,
197
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,960
misfortune brings opportunity,
198
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:44,264
for it was then
I met the beautiful Ida.
199
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,833
(chokes)
200
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,035
Sorry. Swallowed a bug.
201
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,202
Come on, Dewey.
202
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,138
Have a dumpling.
They're your favorite.
203
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,940
And the only way
you can get one
204
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,542
is by taking it
off this plate
205
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,945
that I'm holding,
which proves that I exist.
206
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,881
If no one's eating
this, I will.
207
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:04,051
Mom, Jamie's got
your cigarettes.
208
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,619
Who the hell is Jamie?
209
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,387
Your grandson.
210
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,526
Huh. We never named them
211
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,228
till we were sure
they would survive.
212
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,363
(chuckles)
213
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,031
I love this dark humor of hers.
214
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,332
I'm telling you,
215
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,635
you have nothing but fun
ahead of you.
216
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,171
Reese, this firecracker shrimp
is fantastic.
217
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,874
Yes. I didn't know you can get
such hot peppers in America.
218
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,876
(groans)
219
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,043
Something wrong?
220
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,815
I just realized that
Grandma's really leaving!
221
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,216
I need to be alone.
222
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,287
You should get him a woman
before it's too late.
223
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,255
An ugly one.
224
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:44,625
They're cheaper,
they work harder.
225
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,262
It's okay.
226
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,264
I'm sure I had yellow goo
coming out of my tongue
227
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:52,700
before it got pierced.
228
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,434
Drink your tea.
229
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,236
You hate it when
it gets cold.
230
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,206
Oh, darling, you have
something in your hair.
231
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,207
What?
232
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,609
Under your wig.
233
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,243
What are you doing?!
Get out of there!
234
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,245
What is this?
235
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,581
A list of my bank accounts...
236
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,249
and the amounts in them.
237
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,322
I had to know what
I was getting into.
238
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,293
Wise as well as beautiful.
239
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,695
If we are going
to get married,
240
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:25,565
it is only fair you know
how much money I have.
241
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,601
If you're done tearing
at me like a hyena,
242
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,569
I have to go fix myself.
243
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,606
Thank you so very much
244
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,574
for allowing me
into your home.
245
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,977
Put on your makeup
somewhere else, Nancy!
246
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:42,382
So, I am just
so incredibly curious.
247
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,252
You're in love with... my mom?
248
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:48,121
I know it seems strange
to people.
249
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:51,258
I know that we are
so very different.
250
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,393
But ever since
I met your mother,
251
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,896
I've...
252
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,198
She just makes me happy.
253
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,267
I'm the happiest
254
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,336
I've ever been in my whole life.
255
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:09,176
And "happy" in your culture
means the same as...?
256
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,611
(knocking)
257
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:14,281
MAN:
It's open.
258
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,515
Ah, gentlemen.
259
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,751
I was expecting
my fellow thespians.
260
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,653
We're going to add
a few delicious wrinkles
261
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,288
to the plot tomorrow.
262
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,423
Actually, that is what
we wanted to talk to you about.
263
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,792
Uh-uh-uh.
264
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,459
If you think I'm going
to give away the ending,
265
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,494
you're sadly mistaken.
266
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,962
Although...
267
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,699
(old lady voice):
I might pay particular attention
268
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,668
to the enigmatic Mrs. Pomfreet.
269
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,337
Otto...
I'm sorry.
We have to cancel the show.
270
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,039
(Scottish accent):
Or Lord McGregor,
271
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:39,973
the gruff, but...
272
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,474
What?
273
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,510
You've all done a wonderful job,
274
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:47,114
but we had a scheduling mix-up
and you'll have to go.
275
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,683
Thank you for the wonderful
work you've done.
276
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,018
Oh, God, please don't fire us!
277
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,853
If we lose this job, it's over.
278
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,155
There's no place lower
in show business we can go.
279
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,556
If you think
I'm bad at this,
280
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,859
you should have seen me
at the Dairy Queen.
281
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,193
This is our last chance.
282
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,228
Please don't do this.
283
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,530
Please.
284
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:07,234
Please? Please?!
285
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,536
Please?
286
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,205
Please?
287
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,643
Please?
288
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,478
I can't believe
you didn't fire them.
289
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,547
I remember him
from Dairy Queen.
290
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,682
He was bad.
291
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,087
Oh, no, no, no.
292
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,688
LOIS: Malcolm,
quit messing around in there
293
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:29,723
and get out here.
294
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,158
We're leaving
for the wedding.
295
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,259
I'll be out in a minute.
296
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,560
(lisping):
Hold your horses.
297
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,527
What?
298
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:35,495
Nothing.
299
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,097
(lisping):
Horses...
300
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,200
Oh, my God, it's swollen
so much, I can't say my S's.
301
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,802
Mom's going to kill me.
302
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,773
Wait. I can hide it.
303
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:50,043
I'll be careful... how I talk.
304
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:53,914
And avoid...
that letter completely.
305
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,583
(lisping):
Simple.
306
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:00,720
Well, looks like all
of Ida's friends showed up.
307
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,389
Let's hope this thing
starts soon.
308
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,958
Hey, Malcolm, what time
does the parking lot close?
309
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,426
6:00, 6:30, 7:00?
310
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,629
Military time,
that would be 1900, Dad.
311
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,034
Ah, here's the
blushing bride!
312
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,703
I'm sorry, the hotel doesn't
allow smoking in here.
313
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,038
Back off, you cow.
314
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,907
This is my special day.
315
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,876
Hal, do you think...?
316
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,544
Lois, I know it's weird,
but love is blind
317
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,947
and it's none of our business,
so we might as well
318
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,149
just let it go, wish them well,
and move on.
319
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,483
I know I have.
320
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,421
Okay, I admit I've been
a crummy brother,
321
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,456
and I shouldn't have
smashed your ship,
322
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,426
and I probably should have
tried out that new choke hold
323
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:42,129
on an animal before
using it on you.
324
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,798
So, anyway,
I got you this.
325
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,167
Oh, wow!
326
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,802
That's so cool.
327
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,270
And you can play
against the robots
328
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,939
or you join them
and fight the mutants.
329
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,406
I've always wanted this game.
330
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,075
I can't believe it.
331
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,144
And there's a trick to skip
levels. Here, let me show you...
332
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:01,014
Mom, I just found the exact
game I wanted for my birthday
333
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:03,016
just lying on this chair.
334
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,954
How can he be so insensitive?
335
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,358
Jamie?
336
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,198
LI:
Ah, my love.
337
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,499
I almost forgot--
338
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,102
my grandmother wore
this very necklace
339
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,503
on her wedding day.
340
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,637
It's called
341
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,039
Shuang Hsi,
342
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:29,309
the Chinese symbol
for double happiness.
343
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:33,280
White people aren't impressed
with this junk.
344
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,382
You're not supposed
to see me before the wedding.
345
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:36,816
Go back to your room
346
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,718
before someone mistakes
you for a waiter!
347
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:41,989
Whatever my bride wants.
348
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:45,058
I'll see you in a little while.
349
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,336
Oh, my God.
350
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:57,704
Opiate,
351
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,806
opiate, mood elevator,
352
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,509
large mammal tranquilizer...
353
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,411
He's not in love
with her at all.
354
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,413
She's got him drugged!
355
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,653
Skies are clear at the airport.
356
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,422
No problem with
their flight leaving.
357
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:16,723
I'm checking the freeways.
358
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:17,724
Dad, Mom,
359
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:19,692
I have to tell you...
360
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:20,994
a thing.
361
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:21,895
What?
362
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,530
Grandma...
363
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,265
be drugging...
364
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,667
the man from China.
365
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,902
What?
366
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,737
Grandma be drugging
the man from China.
367
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,941
What the hell is this?
368
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,909
Powerful mood elevator.
369
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,210
A lot of them.
370
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,079
Bottle after bottle
after bottle.
371
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,347
She's drugging him?
372
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,781
How is she doing that?
373
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,016
The tea.
374
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:45,585
My God, of course,
the tea!
375
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,921
Remember, she kept
refilling his cup all night.
376
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:49,856
That's how I'd do it.
377
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,926
You're sure that
this is her purse?
378
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,261
Ye...
379
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,262
Affirmative.
380
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:56,363
Oh, stop screwing around.
381
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,330
Yes or no?
382
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,299
Yes or no?!
383
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,268
Not no.
384
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,936
Stealing
385
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,304
an old woman's purse.
386
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,139
I should have you all arrested.
387
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,076
Us? We know what you're doing
to that poor Mr. Li.
388
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,711
My God, I thought you were an
evil, conniving monster before,
389
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,281
but this, Mother,
this is beyond the pale!
390
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,782
HAL:
He's a human being,
391
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,584
and you're drugging him!
392
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,152
It's called seduction.
393
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,921
It's no different
from wearing perfume
394
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,557
or padding your bra
with potatoes.
395
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,294
What girl doesn't look
for a little edge?
396
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,262
You are out of your mind!
397
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,597
Either you march up
398
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,499
to his room and tell him
this wedding is off
399
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,001
or we're calling the police!
400
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:37,770
All right, I'm going.
401
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:38,972
Split the take?
402
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,307
Mom, go!
403
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,611
...and how could
our murderer
404
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,746
leave no footprints?
405
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,617
Because I submit to you
406
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,352
that he did not walk,
407
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,321
but rather swung...
408
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:58,025
into the room... on a rope!
409
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:02,962
And the only
former circus acrobat here is...
410
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,297
That man!
411
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,666
And... that woman!
412
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,900
(gasps)
413
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,371
Oh, Edward, the game's up.
414
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,274
(Cockney accent):
Yeah, we done it.
415
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,177
And we'd do it again, Guv'ner.
416
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:20,880
Mystery solved.
417
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,685
Oh, bravo!
418
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,456
Oh, my God.
419
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,657
Did you feel that?
420
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:31,991
It was wonderful!
421
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,693
That was the best reaction
we've ever had.
422
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,994
Thank you so much.
423
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,696
Thank you for giving us
this chance.
424
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,131
No need.
425
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,899
The important thing is you
believed in yourself
426
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,668
and you did a great job.
427
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,503
(stilted):
What a delightful display
428
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,405
of intrigue and whimsy.
429
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,640
(reciting):
I will remember this
430
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,908
for years to come.
431
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,111
I cannot wait
to tell my friends.
432
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,347
(chuckling)
433
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,183
You hired the audience?
434
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,585
I hated to see him
so depressed.
435
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,321
Within its framework
of commitment and loyalty,
436
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,891
marriage enables
the establishment of a home...
437
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:07,327
They look so
nice together.
438
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,162
Yeah, they do.
439
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,231
I just love weddings.
440
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,599
...with trust and patience,
your love will grow stronger.
441
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,535
Weren't we supposed
to stop this?
442
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,569
Hmm. I think you're right.
443
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:18,905
I wonder why we didn't.
444
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,240
Who cares?
445
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:21,608
It's nice.
446
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,343
Oh, I'm not
worried about it.
447
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,113
I... I'm just... happy.
448
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,348
MINISTER: Your love and respect
for each other,
449
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,350
your trust and understanding
of each other
450
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,552
will increase
your contentment...
451
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,621
They're all empty.
452
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:35,788
Every bottle.
453
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,724
She drugged us all.
454
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,493
That filthy,
hateful monster.
455
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,097
But how'd she do it?
456
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:46,032
The buffet.
457
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,900
Oh, that's right.
458
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,637
It showed up right after
she went to talk to Mr. Li.
459
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,139
That evil genius.
460
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,407
You know, she knew we couldn't
pass up free food.
461
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,609
This is simply the
most diabolical,
462
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,778
hateful thing
she's ever done.
463
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,215
But I sure do like
her dress. Don't you?
464
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,616
I agree.
465
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:06,886
It's weird-- I used to
just think thoughts.
466
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:09,756
Now my thoughts
are thinking thoughts.
467
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:13,326
It's like, if I don't exist,
who's saying if I don't exist?
468
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,594
You know what I mean?
469
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:17,730
I'll tell you who's saying it.
470
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,299
Me.
471
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,402
It's like I think, therefore...
472
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,671
Oh, wait.
473
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,239
I had it.
474
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,475
Don't worry, Reese,
it'll come back around.
475
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:29,476
Yeah.
476
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,312
Hey, you spoke to me.
477
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,446
I exist.
478
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,681
For now.
479
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,782
MINISTER:
...buds are yet to blossom
480
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:36,983
and with care...
481
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,618
You know, I have to admit,
482
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,488
part of me wishes we could
just stay this happy forever.
483
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,957
Can we, Malcolm?
Can we?
484
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,293
Not really.
485
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,195
(lisping):
I mean, most of these drugs
486
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,929
wear off
after four or five hours.
487
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,464
Malcolm, why
are you lisping?
488
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:53,333
I pierced my tongue.
489
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:56,035
I've been hiding it because
I knew you'd go psycho.
490
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,271
I'll show you psycho.
491
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,840
When we get home, I'm going
to pull that thing out
492
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,175
with a pair of pliers.
493
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,976
Sounds fair.
494
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,613
Be constant and consistent
in your love.
495
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,281
From this comes the knowledge
496
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:11,218
that you can
weather any storm...
497
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,019
Did you drink your tea?
498
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:13,886
What tea?
499
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:14,887
The tea I gave you
500
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,189
right before the ceremony.
501
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,457
Oh, I'm sorry.
502
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,859
I thought that was for me.
503
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,994
Did anyone ever tell you,
504
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:25,031
you have a beautiful smile?
505
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,699
I haven't been
to the dentist in years.
506
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,301
I should really
give him a call...
507
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,069
Get on with it, God boy!
508
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,740
Well, someone's eager for the
sacrament of married love, huh?
509
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:34,974
(chuckling)
510
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,809
I think Mr. Li's
coming out of it.
511
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,211
Ah, what a shame.
512
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,547
The old bat used up
all her happy pills on us.
513
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:41,848
Oh, also,
514
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:45,218
this is so very, very,
very important.
515
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:46,719
Never go to bed angry.
516
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:49,489
I should say,
never go to sleep angry.
517
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,391
(laughs)
518
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,360
And you know what?
519
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,561
Never eat salad angry.
520
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:55,928
Never eat soup sad.
521
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,730
Give me these.
522
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:58,898
Here.
523
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,066
Go.
524
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,401
Shall we pray...?
No!
525
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,002
All righty then.
Do you take...?
526
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:03,936
Yes!
527
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:05,004
And do you...?
528
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,038
Yes!
529
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,574
Then I now pronounce you...
530
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,242
Who the hell are you?
531
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,412
Oh, darling, don't be silly.
532
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:13,680
Get the rings!
533
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,115
Wait, I know you.
534
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,351
You're that horrible woman
at my table
535
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,186
who kept spitting
at the busboys.
536
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,221
Oh, no, no.
That was someone else.
537
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,290
No, it was you!
538
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:24,424
My little honey lamb.
539
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,192
Let me go!
Hoochie-coochie.
540
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,760
(Li speaking Cantonese)
541
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,262
Ow! Ooh!
542
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:30,263
Ooh!
543
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:31,364
You take your...
544
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,266
take your hands
off of me!
545
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,569
You can't leave me now!
546
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,871
I'm pregnant! Oh!
547
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,240
(sobbing)
548
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,242
Why, why?!
549
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,479
Why can't I ever be happy?!
550
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:47,747
(crying)
551
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,351
I promised I wasn't
going to do this.
552
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,820
There's still dirt
under the rim.
553
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,322
I've been scrubbing
for an hour.
554
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,789
It's not coming off.
555
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,791
Well, since you don't care
about your tongue,
556
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,960
maybe you could use that
to clean the toilet.
557
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,495
I found Grandma's thermos.
558
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:05,998
Looks like there's still
a half cup left
559
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,266
of this terrible potion.
560
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,835
You know, the lawnmower
needs some work.
561
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,870
I think I'll go out
to the garage...
562
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,275
Good. Yeah, good idea.
35530
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