Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:05,657
[whimpering]
2
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,706
HAL:
Ow!
3
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,023
Ow!
4
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,550
[Hal screaming]
5
00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:31,901
Finally.
6
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:35,339
All right, you stupid,
useless old man.
7
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,863
There's going to be some
big changes around here.
8
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:41,171
♪ Yes, no, maybe
9
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,913
♪ I don't know
10
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:47,351
♪ Can you repeat the question?
11
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:49,440
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
12
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,921
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
13
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,097
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,273
♪ And you're not so big
15
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,928
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,930
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:03,280
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:06,370
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:10,418
♪ Life is unfair.
20
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,773
Hal.
21
00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:19,253
Wake up. It's time.
22
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:20,297
Already?
23
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,907
The baby's not due
for a month.
24
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,692
I told you it wasn't conceived
in the elevator.
25
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,955
It was Dewey's
parent-teacher conference.
26
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,305
Here, there's something
in this one. Let's go.
27
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,177
No, Hal,
I'm not having the baby.
28
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,614
We said we'd finish
making out our will tonight.
29
00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:33,702
Tonight?
30
00:01:33,745 --> 00:01:35,356
I didn't agree to that.
31
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,227
Besides, how do you know
you're not having the baby?
32
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,272
You're not a doctor.
33
00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:39,403
Come on. I'll meet you there.
34
00:01:39,447 --> 00:01:42,537
Hal, I have both sets
of car keys.
35
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,974
And I took the seat
off your bike.
36
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:47,629
Why do we have to do this
37
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,500
in the middle
of the night anyway?
38
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:51,546
I will not have the boys
see us writing a will.
39
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,504
If they start thinking
about a future without us,
40
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,202
we'll totally lose control.
41
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:56,377
I'm telling you, Lois,
we are not equipped
42
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:57,943
to deal with these issues.
43
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,597
We get into a giant,
stupid fight
44
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,295
every time we work
on the will.
45
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,253
Hal, last time we tried
this was ten years ago.
46
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:04,559
And it led to a fight.
47
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,822
You called me thin-skinned
and overly sensitive.
48
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,389
Hal, you can stall all night,
but we are going to do this.
49
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,305
Fine.
I'll get a pencil.
50
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:17,833
[sharpener whirring]
51
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,198
[sharpener whirring]
52
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:55,131
[sharpener whirring]
53
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,488
This pencil's too short.
54
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,228
Hal.
55
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:06,621
Oh, all right.
56
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:07,926
Just remember,
57
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,450
we're not doing this
for ourselves.
58
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,060
We're doing this
for the children.
59
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:14,019
What if there was a terrible
accident and we had no plan?
60
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,587
Our poor boys would be
alone and defenseless.
61
00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:18,067
And I guess
you kids
62
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,590
really didn't do any major harm,
63
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:21,201
so I've decided
to let you off...
64
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,552
[grunting]
65
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,303
Okay, tangible assets.
66
00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,392
How do we expect
to find anything?
67
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:39,871
We just shove stuff
in boxes.
68
00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:41,743
Look, there's
a fortune cookie in here.
69
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,397
Wait, here's something
we already did.
70
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,398
This'll save time.
71
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,747
We already decided Malcolm
72
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,357
gets the coin collection.
73
00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,098
Great.
What coin collection?
74
00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,883
You remember that proof set
we had hidden in the closet?
75
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:54,059
The one that Dewey found
and swallowed...
76
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:56,671
Oh, yeah, that was 500 bucks
down the drain.
77
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,282
And not one dime
in the strainer.
78
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,457
Whatever happened
to the silver tea set?
79
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,633
The boys pounded it
into a suit of armor.
80
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:06,420
Wedding china, antique stemware,
hand-blown crystal butterflies.
81
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,552
Why did we even buy those?
82
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,381
Hal, we have fewer assets today
than we did ten years ago.
83
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:12,295
We can't be
this broke.
84
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:13,557
We just can't be.
85
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:14,950
Where are
the bank statements?
86
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,081
Right here.
87
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,168
Checks and everything,
88
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,997
but you are not going
to find anything helpful.
89
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,651
By the way, I would
like it noted
90
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,871
that I tried to avoid
this whole evening
91
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,742
because I knew
this would happen.
92
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:27,310
Maybe in the future,
you'll trust my judgment.
93
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:31,358
You spent $300 on sequins?
94
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:35,710
♪ And bad mistakes
95
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:39,888
♪ I've made a few
96
00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:43,979
♪ I've had my share of sand
kicked in my face ♪
97
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:46,373
♪ But I've come through
98
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,725
♪ And we mean to go on
and on and on and on♪
99
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:57,688
♪ We are the champions,
my friends ♪
100
00:04:57,732 --> 00:05:05,043
♪ And we'll keep on fighting
till the end ♪
101
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:12,834
♪ We are the champions,
we are the champ... ♪
102
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,358
That was for the car.
103
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,229
And what about this?
104
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:21,016
$520 to the hospital
for toy extraction?
105
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:25,629
Live, live, die.
106
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:26,543
Live,
107
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,415
live, live, live, die.
108
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,068
You know, son,
109
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,418
maybe you've
been spending too much...
110
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,506
Silence.
111
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,638
Seize him.
112
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,254
All right, son,
113
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,648
I think it's time
you goose-stepped off to bed.
114
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:48,870
Dad, you're embarrassing me
in front of my men.
115
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,046
Hal!
116
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:53,657
Why is this still here?
117
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,485
[screaming]
118
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,689
[weakly]:
Ow.
119
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,212
Oh, my God.
120
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,127
Do you realize
how much money we spent
121
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:30,433
sending Francis
to military school?
122
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,130
That one we couldn't avoid.
123
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:33,436
He needed the discipline.
124
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,351
No! No, no!
125
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,876
Now we are going to do this
until you get it right.
126
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,096
All right, now once more.
127
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,924
With feeling.
128
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,273
And...
129
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:47,102
♪ Candyman...
130
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:51,628
♪ Hey, Candyman
131
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:54,065
♪ Who can take a sunrise...
132
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,458
♪ Who can take
a sunrise...♪
133
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,242
♪ Sprinkle it with dew
134
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:59,375
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh♪
135
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,639
♪ Cover it with chocolate
and a miracle or two? ♪
136
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,380
♪ Candyman...
137
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,730
♪ Candyma-an♪
138
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,645
♪ The Candyman can...
139
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,299
♪ The Candyman can♪
140
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:13,476
♪ The Candyman can
'cause he mixes it with love ♪
141
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:16,392
♪ And makes the world
taste good ♪
142
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,654
♪ Oh-oh-oh♪
143
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:21,092
♪ The Candyman makes
everything he bakes ♪
144
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:25,575
♪ Satisfying and delicious ♪ Do-do-do-do♪
145
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,970
♪ Talk about
your childhood wishes ♪
146
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:32,060
♪ You can even eat the dishes.
147
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,627
Why would
a bank let us
148
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,411
keep an account
this messed up?
149
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,282
There are checks
out of sequence...
150
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:38,632
Look, a check
from next year.
151
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,938
And this is two different
checks taped together.
152
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,505
What difference
does it make, Lois?
153
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,550
You know better than anybody.
154
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,377
We are in the crapper.
155
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,292
You sound like
you're blaming me.
156
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:49,512
Oh, you're blaming me?
157
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,819
BOTH:
We both agreed that you would
be in charge of the finances.
158
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,083
This may be part of the problem.
159
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:57,694
Okay, let's forget
about the finances.
160
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,784
"Property transfer to
the surviving spouse."
161
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:01,916
We can do this.
162
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,658
I think that whoever goes first,
the other one
163
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:05,528
is going to want
to stay
164
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,182
in the house
with the kids until...
165
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,444
What?
166
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,793
Nothing.
167
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,316
Why are you looking
at me like that?
168
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,362
No, I'm just, you know...
169
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,973
just I've always known that...
170
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,106
you'll die first.
171
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:19,934
What?
172
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,544
And then I'll commit suicide
a few days later.
173
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,241
I don't want to live
without you, Lois.
174
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,591
What?!Oh, don't act
so surprised.
175
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,897
We both know
what I'm talking about.
176
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,246
No, I...
177
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,118
You're wishing me dead?
178
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:31,946
Why would you say such a thing?
179
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,557
Oh, and there is no reaction
at all to my suicide.
180
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:35,905
Oh, that's a real eye-opener.
181
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:38,561
What makes you think that
I am going to die first?
182
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,346
Honey, you just have
that kind of personality.
183
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,567
You operate at
a very high level of stress.
184
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,788
Are you aborigines?!
185
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,703
I have had it!
186
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,706
Fire? Fire?!
187
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:55,230
Whose damn dog is this?!
188
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,188
I said whose damn dog is this?!
189
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,451
This is the property line!
190
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:03,194
The property line!
The property line!
191
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:06,415
You can't cross
the property line!
192
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:09,026
Come out here and apologize
to me like an adult!
193
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,811
[gasping]
194
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:14,989
Oh, that's real mature.
195
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,600
I can't believe
that you are wishing me dead
196
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,646
and insulting my personality.
197
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,386
Calm down, Lois.
198
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,040
I am just pointing out
199
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:26,000
that I am the far more
relaxed person.
200
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,263
[growling]
201
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:32,528
[yelping]
202
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:37,751
[screaming]
203
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:44,888
[bawling]
204
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:52,679
[all talking]
205
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:53,897
Get in the car and go.
206
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:59,729
[all talking]
207
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:11,523
Shut up!
208
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,308
I just don't
let the stress get to me.
209
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,919
I haven't had any special
training; it's just my way.
210
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,051
You are going
to pay for this.
211
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,053
Oh, see, that kind of comment
doesn't help anyone.
212
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:22,534
I'm sorry, I only just learned
that I am a human time bomb.
213
00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:23,797
And you're not
the least bit curious
214
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:24,841
about how I'm going to do it?
215
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,887
Oh, you are not going to
kill yourself.
216
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,063
You can't even rip off
your own Band-Aids.
217
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:32,457
I happen to be very hairy,
but this is different.
218
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:33,763
I have thought this through.
219
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:37,375
It is going to be beautiful
and romantic
220
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:41,336
and it's going to make
everyone forget about
your stupid funeral.
221
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,555
Shh! The boys.
222
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,907
Ow!
223
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,256
Shh! You can't handle that.
224
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,692
How are you going
to kill yourself?
225
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,650
You startled me!
226
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:52,521
Ow! Stop it.
227
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:53,348
Shh.
228
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,479
Ow!
229
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,742
Shh! How you like that?
230
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:56,264
Ow!
231
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,265
Shh! Ow!
232
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,919
Shh!
Ow!
233
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,094
Ow!
Shh!
234
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,922
Ow!
Shh!
235
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,756
Okay.
236
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:13,803
I think we both have
a lot to apologize for.
237
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,371
I am sorry
for pulling your hair.
238
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,373
I'm not proud
of the Dutch rub...
239
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,375
or the ear twisting.
240
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,203
See? We're back on
the path to adulthood.
241
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,857
Let's get to work.I agree.
242
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,380
Let's stop and go to bed.
243
00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:26,424
Hal, sit down.
244
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:27,556
We're past the worst of it.
245
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:28,775
Okay. In the event
246
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,951
of death of bothparents,
247
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,170
who do we want to appoint
as a guardian?
248
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,998
My family's out.
249
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,521
Well, they're not going
to my family.
250
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:37,784
Hello.
251
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,394
[explosion]
252
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,308
Ow!
253
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:41,875
Ow!
254
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,748
Ow!
255
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,141
Grandma.
256
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:50,100
Ooh, geez.
257
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,885
Shouldn't we have
more choices?
258
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,669
Doesn't it seem
if we die,
259
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,192
there should be
more people willing
260
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:56,541
to give our kids a home?
261
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:58,326
[talking baby talk]
262
00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:00,023
[screaming]
263
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,025
You want to see a strike?
264
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,635
Malcolm, what
are you doing?
265
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:04,811
Look at me.
266
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,029
I'm the world's greatest bowler.
267
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,205
I care so much about bowling.
268
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,817
Bowling is so important.
269
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,123
Malcolm, come back here.
270
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,691
You want a strike,
I'll give you a strike.
271
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,824
Here's your damn strike.
272
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,524
[all laughing]
273
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:28,965
[sirens blaring]
274
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,273
Where is he going?
275
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,665
[sirens blaring]
276
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,667
♪ The faster we're falling
277
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,452
♪ We're stopping, stalling
278
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:41,673
♪ We're running
in circles again ♪
279
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:43,850
♪ Just as things
were looking up ♪
280
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,808
♪ You said
it wasn't good enough ♪
281
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:51,031
♪ But still we're trying
one more time ♪
282
00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,424
♪ Maybe we're just
trying too hard ♪
283
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:57,777
♪ When really it's closer
than it is too far... ♪
284
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,954
Wow. Nice.
285
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,825
It was.
286
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:07,090
♪ 'Cause I'm in too deep
and I'm trying to keep ♪
287
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:11,051
♪ Up above in my head,
instead of going under... ♪
288
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,140
Reese, that was amazing.
289
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:17,884
Listen, when the kids at
school ask you about this...
290
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:20,060
...tell them I got
under your bra.
291
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,678
Give 'em a reason.
292
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,723
REPORTER:
The suspect appears
to be resisting.
293
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,073
Oh. It looks like
294
00:13:33,116 --> 00:13:34,639
they're taking out
the pepper spray.
295
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:35,858
[Reese screaming on TV]
296
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:40,776
♪ Can you hear the drums,
Fernando? ♪
297
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:45,520
♪ I remember long ago another
starry night like this ♪
298
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:52,092
♪ In the firelight, Fernando
299
00:13:52,135 --> 00:13:54,572
♪ You were humming
to yourself ♪
300
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:57,662
♪ And softly
strumming your guitar ♪
301
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,926
♪ I could hear
the distant drums ♪
302
00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:06,019
♪ And sounds of bugle calls
were coming from afar ♪
303
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:09,674
♪ There was something
in the air that night ♪
304
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:14,027
♪ The stars were bright,
Fernando ♪
305
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:18,161
♪ They were shining there
for you and me ♪
306
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:22,296
♪ For liberty, Fernando
307
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:26,126
♪ Though we never thought
that we could lose ♪
308
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:29,825
♪ There's no regret
309
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,176
♪ If I had
to do the same again ♪
310
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,352
♪ I would, my friend...
311
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,009
[siren wailing]
312
00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,493
Well, there's one bright
spot in all of this.
313
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,016
We finally agree
on something.
314
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,800
There's no one to
take care of our kids.
315
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:52,065
You're not going
to even mention Francis?
316
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,805
Let's go to bed.
317
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:55,851
No. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
318
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,157
Why won't you even consider it?
319
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,506
Hal, this is hard enough
320
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,160
without you getting
us sidetracked.
321
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,509
This isn't about Francis.
322
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:03,032
This is about our children.
323
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:04,555
You know what I mean.
324
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,383
Why is Francis such a bad idea?
325
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,211
He's working, he's married.
326
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:09,560
He's showing responsibility.
327
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:10,822
Look, I will be the first
328
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,999
to admit that Francis
was not the easiest kid
329
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:15,218
for you to deal with,
but he has changed.
330
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,220
Oh, yeah. Big change.
331
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,005
He quit school,
moved 3,000 miles,
332
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,616
and married someone that he
knew for exactly 20 minutes.
333
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:22,660
You can't make
life decisions
334
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:24,662
on a whim and be a good parent.
335
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:28,231
A good parent understands
that actions have consequences.
336
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:32,540
Lois, we are parents precisely
because we can't remember that.
337
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,194
You have never been able
to give him credit
338
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,369
for anything good he does.
339
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:37,110
Good he does? Like what?
340
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:37,806
Like...
341
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,418
Look, I am not
a performing seal, Lois.
342
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,420
I can't just bark out
a list of good deeds
343
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:45,118
while you take a bow
and throw me a mackerel
344
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,684
out of your fanny pack.
345
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,382
I can't talk to you
when you're hysterical.
346
00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:50,210
No, no, no. You can't
get out of this
347
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,994
by playing the
"my husband is crazy" card.
348
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,865
It didn't work with
the airport security screener,
349
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,215
and it is not going
to work now.
350
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,173
I am stunnedthat
you are even thinking
351
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:59,219
of having him take
care of the boys.
352
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,482
He's the worst-behaved
of all of them.
353
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,500
I love you somuch.
354
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,067
Why don't you just admit it,
Lois?
355
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,678
You have never liked Francis.
356
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:24,722
Is it any surprise
357
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,073
why he's been
such a mess growing up?
358
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,423
You can't blame
the way Francis is on me.
359
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:32,948
You-you honestlydon't see
your part in all of this?
360
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:35,124
Parents' weekend
at the military school.
361
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:38,040
You two got into a sword fight.
362
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:39,302
You dragged him
363
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,043
off the field in the middle
of a tee-ball game
364
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,306
because you thought
he gave you a look.
365
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,308
His first words were,
"Youshut up."
366
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,181
Lois, you two have been
at each other's throats
367
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:50,183
since the day he was born.
368
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:54,317
He started it.
What?
369
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,188
Nothing.
No, no.
370
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,972
You said he started it.
What does that mean?
371
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:57,973
Just leave me alone.
372
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,496
How the hell can
a baby start anything?
373
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:01,281
I don't know, Hal.
374
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,412
It's just,
375
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,153
everything started so badly
376
00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:05,502
right after he was born.
377
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:06,502
What, the staph infection?
378
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,288
What does that have
to do with anything?
379
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:11,204
I was stuck in a hospital
without my baby.
380
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,640
Completely isolated.
381
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,163
For six weeks
382
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,644
all I could do was lie there
and-and worry about him
383
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:19,167
and think about how much
he needed me to nurse him
384
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,734
and to... and to hold him.
385
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,171
And when
they finally
386
00:17:22,214 --> 00:17:24,347
let me out, I run home
as fast as I can
387
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,522
to take care
of poor little Francis,
388
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:29,265
and when I get there,
I discover... he's happy.
389
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,875
He couldn't
have cared less
390
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,094
I was gone
all that time.
391
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,878
You were taking
care of him.
392
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:35,228
He was happy
as a clam.
393
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:37,882
I was just an intrusion.
394
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,319
Honey, I had no idea...
395
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,364
I know it's wrong
396
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,584
and I know it's creepy
397
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:46,065
and I can't help it.
398
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,329
I'm the worst mother
of all time.
399
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,331
It's just as much my fault.
400
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:54,247
We've just never
gotten this right.
401
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:57,250
We are utter failures
as parents.
402
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:59,121
I mean, look at this pigsty.
403
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,340
Look at how we live.
404
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,342
Why are we bothering
even making a will?
405
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,344
All we can leave
our children is misery.
406
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:08,174
We are a walking advertisement
for forced sterilization.
407
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:12,352
Who are the idiots in Washington
that allowed us procreate?
408
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:16,878
I mean, this family is
an unmitigated disaster.
409
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:18,967
[groaning]
410
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,229
[thudding]Oh!
411
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,491
Aah!... Oh!
412
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,971
[grunting]
413
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,329
[growling]
414
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,379
[explosion]
415
00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:40,728
Ow! Ow!
416
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:41,772
Oh!
417
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,646
[screams]
418
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:47,822
[grunts]
419
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,519
[screaming]
420
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,261
Eat chalk, evildoer!
421
00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:54,655
[loud thump]
422
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,178
DEWEY:
Ow!
423
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,571
I hit my head!
424
00:18:57,614 --> 00:18:58,528
Ow!
425
00:18:58,572 --> 00:18:59,834
Shh.
426
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:01,009
Honey, honey,
calm down.
427
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,228
Let me have a look.
428
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,316
It really hurts.
429
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,317
It's bleeding,
isn't it?
430
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,405
I know it's bleeding.
431
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:06,667
Dewey, what's 19 times five?
432
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,321
I'm in... What?
433
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,757
19 times five.
Try to figure it out.
434
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,237
Yeah.Well...
435
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,327
Ten times
five is 50, so...County or St. John's?
436
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,329
St. John's. Pediatric
emergency opened again.
437
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,201
Okay, Dewey,
everything's going to be fine.
438
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,333
Yeah, for Dr. Flannery.
Please tell him
439
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,117
my son Dewey got
a bad bump on his head.
440
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,684
My husband will meet him
at St. John's.
441
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:26,121
They'll be there
in ten minutes.
442
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,862
Okay, sport.
Field trip.
443
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,298
[grunts]
444
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,126
Can I have a box
of apple juice?
445
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,302
Oh, all we have
is apple-cherry.
446
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,869
Of course that's
all we have.
447
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:37,176
We're the worst parents
in the world.
448
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:43,094
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you just
call my wife "wide ride"?
449
00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:44,922
I get it. You got to
make a big show for...
450
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,143
Now, you are going
451
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,231
to get up and
apologize...
452
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,102
[groans]
453
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:53,409
BOY:
All right, fight.
454
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:55,585
Get him, Dad!
Come on.
455
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:56,760
Come on, work the gut.
456
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,504
Hold this.
457
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:04,159
[groans]
458
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,177
[crowd clamoring]
459
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:27,095
♪ All my life was a paper
460
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:32,492
♪ Once plain, pure and white
461
00:20:32,535 --> 00:20:35,321
♪ Till you moved
with your pen ♪
462
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:43,503
♪ Changing moods now and then
till the balance was right ♪
463
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:53,730
♪ And you decorated my life
464
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:59,345
♪ By painting your love
465
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:03,392
♪ All over my heart
466
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:09,137
♪ You decorated my life
467
00:21:12,532 --> 00:21:15,012
♪ Ooh, ooh♪
468
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:17,450
♪ Ooh, ooh.♪
30396
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof