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1
00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:04,526
Malcolm, Malcolm, in school,
we learned the coolest thing.
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:06,528
There were these people
who did this broadcast
3
00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:08,921
and convinced everyone
that aliens were landing.
4
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:09,748
So, what we do
5
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,620
is we wait for Reese
to fall asleep,
6
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,057
then we flash some lights
outside his window,
7
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,451
and we go to the TV,
but we'll have made a tape...
8
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,714
Dewey, you're totally
overthinking this.
9
00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:22,370
Reese, aliens landed
down the street!
10
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,199
Every man for himself!
11
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,506
Oh.
12
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:32,467
♪ Yes, no, maybe
13
00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:34,686
♪ I don't know
14
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,907
♪ Can you repeat the question?
15
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,344
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,477
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
17
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,175
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,959
♪ And you're not so big
19
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,484
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
20
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:51,486
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
21
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,358
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
22
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,144
♪ And you're not so big
23
00:00:57,187 --> 00:01:00,843
♪ Life is unfair.
24
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,458
Mom is coming home a week early
from Aunt Susan's.
25
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,460
We did all right with her gone,
but we still have
26
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:12,550
a couple things to take care of
before she gets back.
27
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:19,731
Move it, move it.
28
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,038
Now, remember, boys,
if you see the bobcat,
29
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:22,952
don't be a hero.
30
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,519
Stand on a chair
and use your whistle.
31
00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:27,435
Get out of here, Foamy! Go home!
32
00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:31,700
You think she'll notice
the grass fire?
33
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,397
Just remember,
as far as we know,
34
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:36,183
Dewey has always been missing
the tip of his finger.
35
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:37,227
HAL:
Boys, we're home.
36
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,969
Oh, boys, I've missed you so!
37
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:42,014
Dad knocked down
your bedroom wall.
38
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:44,234
What?
39
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:50,806
Honey, I-I know
it doesn't look like much,
40
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,156
but this is just
the beginning stages
41
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,288
of a major expansion.
42
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:55,202
I have
conceptual drawings here.
43
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:56,551
Look, look.
44
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,205
See how it continues
onto my hand?
45
00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:01,208
It was going to be something
really nice for you and the baby
46
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,992
with a window seat,
and please just promise
47
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:04,428
you won't get mad
and leave again!
48
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:07,997
Hal, I'm just so glad
to be home!
49
00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:09,128
Oh!
50
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,522
Ugh! My sister
is the most obnoxious,
51
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:14,612
sanctimonious know-it-all
I've ever met.
52
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:16,962
She spent every
minute of my visit
53
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:19,356
telling me everything I've
ever done wrong in my life.
54
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,618
It was just awful.
55
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:21,663
Tell me about it.
56
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:24,013
Dating her was the worst
five years of my life.
57
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:26,233
Well, you know why she's
like that, don't you?
58
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:27,321
My parents.
59
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,018
Susan was always
the pretty one,
60
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:32,413
Susan was the smart one, Susan
was the one with all the talent.
61
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,893
I was the one that couldn't
do anything right.
62
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:37,026
Hal, it got me
thinking about Reese.
63
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,636
As if you weren't feeling
bad enough.
64
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,031
No, Hal, I don't think that
we give Reese enough credit.
65
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,903
I think that if we gave Reese
a little more responsibility,
66
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,557
he would rise
to the challenge.
67
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,211
Now, I'm not talking
about giving him
68
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,908
a key to the house,
or anything.
69
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,650
I just think some encouragement
would do him good.
70
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,696
Okay.[birds chirping]
71
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:55,479
Ooh.
72
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,220
Honey, come here.
73
00:02:57,264 --> 00:03:00,180
The eggs have hatched.
74
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,923
Morning.
75
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,231
Dewey, Mom's home.
76
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,406
Huh?
77
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,279
Oh. Right.
78
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,280
So, it's going to cost
79
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,847
at least $800
to close up the wall.
80
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,372
I suppose I can go back
to work at the drugstore.
81
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,373
Really?
Yeah.
82
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:20,374
I'm sure I can stand
83
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,245
on my feet
for eight hours a day.
84
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,247
And if you fall,
the amniotic fluid
85
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,727
provides a great cushion.
86
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,163
We'll think of something.
87
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,251
MALCOLM: Hey, there's
tons of stuff
88
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,426
we don't use
in the garage.
89
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:31,254
Why don't we just put it out
on the front lawn
90
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,516
and see if we can sell it?
91
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,865
You mean like
a garage sale?
92
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,476
That's a terrific idea, Reese.
93
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,521
Don't you think
that's a great idea, Hal?
94
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:38,522
Actually,
I was the one...
95
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,741
And you know what?
96
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,699
You can be
in charge.
97
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,397
You can organize the stuff,
you can set the prices,
98
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,311
you can pick the date.
99
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,921
Why? I didn't
do anything.
100
00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,270
Reese, this isn't a punishment.
101
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,272
This is us demonstrating
our faith in you,
102
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,491
because I know
103
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,363
you are going to do a great job.
104
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,451
We believe in you.
105
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,713
Don't we, Hal?
106
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,412
For God's sakes, he's my son.
107
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,630
I mean, I love him.
108
00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:01,241
Just answer the question, Hal.
109
00:04:02,416 --> 00:04:03,852
Who wants juice?
110
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,593
I do!
111
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,552
FRANCIS: You can't just sell
all my old stuff.
112
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:09,684
Everything in that garage
113
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:11,947
represents a precious
childhood memory.
114
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,297
It's a bunch of old magazines,
a broken yo-yo
115
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:16,733
and a Rubik's cube
painted all one color.
116
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,519
Well, you try and solve
that thing!
117
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:19,781
I'm not going to argue with you.
118
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,913
You have ten seconds
to come up with a good reason
119
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:22,958
to keep all that junk,
120
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,002
or I'm getting rid of it.
121
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:26,004
See, this is why
you are a terrible mother.
122
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,355
Because everything has to be
a competition with you!
123
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:29,443
Oh, it does not.
124
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,401
I'm hanging up!I'm hanging up first.
125
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,011
No, I'm hanging...
Damn it!
126
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:36,188
You mustn't talk about
your family like that, Francis.
127
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:39,453
There is nothing
more important than...
128
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:45,110
It's a letter from
our son, Rutger!
129
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:46,677
We must hide
this immediately.
130
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,724
Why do you have to hide
a letter from your son?
131
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:51,595
Otto, no!
132
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:52,596
What are you doing?
133
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,816
Nothing, because this
did not happen.
134
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,208
Nothing happened.
135
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,602
Except for me telling you
that nothing happened.
136
00:04:58,646 --> 00:05:00,212
That happened, but only that.
137
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:03,346
Things will begin
to happen again, starting...
138
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,782
now!
139
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,437
Oh, look, the mail came.
140
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:08,699
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
141
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,049
Soon as the swelling
in my ankles goes down,
142
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:13,400
I'm going to get right back
to work with you boys.
143
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,401
Thank you, honey.
144
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:17,491
No matter what it
does to the baby.
145
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,188
Reese, if you put
the heavy boxes down first,
146
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,842
and thenstack
the light ones on top...
147
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:24,193
It just kills you I'm
in charge, doesn't it?
148
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:25,412
[glass crunches]
149
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,240
Oh, wow!
150
00:05:28,284 --> 00:05:29,459
What's that?
151
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,547
This is the transmitter
152
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,289
from the pirate radio station
I had in college!
153
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,552
It was only a couple of watts,
but I brought the truth
154
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,512
to everyone within three blocks
of the west side of campus.
155
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,730
Until the FCC
156
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:42,559
shut me down
for telling it like it was.
157
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,822
And for not having a license.
158
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,781
See, the way it works...
159
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,086
I was just trying to be polite.
160
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:51,133
I didn't think you were going
to punish me for it.
161
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,571
Hey, there, Sparky.
162
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:55,790
So, half the campus is
163
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,618
goose-stepping down
to the bonfire
164
00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,751
to be brainwashed
by the Stepford cheerleaders--
165
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,840
the pied pipers of pep.
166
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:06,278
They want us to forget
why we came to this institution,
167
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:08,019
but not Kid Charlemagne.
168
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,891
I am here to seek knowledge.
169
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:12,023
Let's get going, Hal.
170
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:15,026
And don't forget your head.
171
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,942
Righty-o.
172
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,556
I remember this toy.
173
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,253
I begged for it for months.
174
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:26,821
It was supposed to move and talk
and learn my name.
175
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,345
But the stupid thing
never worked.
176
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,869
Robot, robot, robot,
177
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,959
robot, robot, robot...
178
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,576
Okay, now I need
a five-inch girder.
179
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:43,881
Coming right up.
180
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:52,455
Hey, look, my baseball glove.
181
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:56,764
Hey, look, my baseball glove.
182
00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:00,115
Dad, is this yours?
183
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:01,377
No, it must have
been my roommate's.
184
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,466
You know, I think
it might be something...
185
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,946
Throw it out.
It's garbage.
186
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,122
Reese, maybe we should
try to find out what it is.
187
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,123
Mom!
188
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,168
Malcolm's not respecting
my leadership!
189
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:12,736
LOIS: Malcolm, you respect
Reese's leadership!
190
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,608
[glass crunches]
191
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:27,621
♪ Jeremiah was a bullfrog...
192
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,536
Ooh, come on.
193
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:30,711
Come on.
194
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,887
[static crackling]
195
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,932
[song continues over radio]
196
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:36,586
Yes!
197
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:37,761
He said he'd return.
198
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,546
He couldn't be silenced.
199
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:42,636
Kid Charlemagne
is back on the air.
200
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:43,854
GRETCHEN:
Otto always planned
201
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,421
that when Rutger
finished college,
202
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,119
he would come out here und
live with us on the ranch.
203
00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,731
But instead, he insisted
on going to medical school.
204
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,950
And when he was named chief
surgeon of his hospital,
205
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,430
Otto was crushed.
206
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,953
It's so strange he never
207
00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:57,085
mentioned any of this.
208
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,348
That is Otto's
Teutonic pride.
209
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:02,960
He will never, ever show
his feelings to anyone.
210
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:04,179
OTTO [crying]:
Welcome to the Grotto.
211
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:07,182
I'm sure you will
enjoy your stay.
212
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,357
[blowing nose]
213
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,535
And don't forget to
visit the gift shop.
214
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,537
[crying]
215
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,234
Oh... perhaps tomorrow,
216
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:19,586
you would like to
go horseback riding
217
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:22,023
on Uncle Otto's pony!
218
00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:24,068
[crying loudly]
219
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,376
LOIS:
Malcolm, dinner!
220
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:30,466
Hal, I'm not going
to call you again!
221
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,728
There are so many things
222
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:34,208
the government
doesn't want you to know,
223
00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:38,212
and that's why they don't want
Kid Charlemagne on this mic.
224
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,607
Do I love my country? Yes.
225
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,825
Do I vote?
226
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:44,741
I used to, until they moved
our polling place
227
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,569
to the house with the big dog.
228
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,093
LOIS:
Hal! I said dinner!
229
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,447
Kid Charlemagne is
back on the air.
230
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:57,841
I think we should start
the garage sale around 7:00,
231
00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:00,365
because serious shoppers
like to get an early start.
232
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,802
Unless you have
a different idea,
233
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,673
which I'm sure would be great.
234
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:04,718
I was thinking 11:30.
235
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,807
So I could watch cartoons.
236
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:07,851
Oh, so you'll be
237
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,941
well rested
and better able to focus.
238
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,639
Good thinking.
239
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,249
Where were you
this afternoon?
240
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,382
I instructed you to separate the
twist ties according to length.
241
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,819
He's been like
this all day.
242
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,168
I was doing homework.
243
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:22,823
No homework takes
more than 20 minutes.
244
00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:24,825
Hal, what are you
doing out there?
245
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,087
I've been gone for six weeks,
246
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,828
and now that I'm home,
I barely see you.
247
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,829
I missed you, too.
248
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,874
Why don't I put
on some music?
249
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,311
What is this childish need
you have to defy my authority?
250
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,183
Bite me.Just when I was starting
251
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:36,619
to feel confident
in my abilities.
252
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:39,666
Malcolm, I am sick of you always
putting your brother down.
253
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:42,103
This is Reese's project, and you
are going to be supportive.
254
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:43,974
HAL: And if the government
doesn't have a car
255
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,846
that runs on water,
then what are they
256
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,412
building all those dams for?
257
00:09:47,456 --> 00:09:49,066
Reese is in charge
of this garage sale,
258
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,415
and you are going
to obey him.
259
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:51,982
No matter
what he asks you to do,
260
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,070
you are going to do it.
261
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,637
But he's...Malcolm, you can either let him
262
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,465
be in charge of you
for the garage sale,
263
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,685
or you can let him
be in charge of you
264
00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:01,513
every day for the rest
of your life.
265
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,558
HAL: In case
you haven't noticed,
266
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,300
"Evian" spelled backwards
is "naive"!
267
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,257
Wow, it's like
268
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,782
that guy is saying
what we're all thinking.
269
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:09,913
Hal, will you
270
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:11,045
turn that racket off?
271
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,134
Well, I guess I can't expect
272
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:16,528
a suburban housewife
to understand.
273
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:24,275
Dewey, what are you doing?
274
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,713
A tennis ball doesn't go
with the football.
275
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,715
It goes
with the ceramic bananas.
276
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,716
This is stupid.
277
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,718
Why are we sorting everything
by color?
278
00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:32,893
Because I say so.
279
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:35,678
And because alphabetical order
was slowing us down.
280
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:37,941
Us?
281
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,160
This better be good.
282
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,335
There'll be hell to pay
283
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,250
if Jellybean wakes up
from her massage
284
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,818
and doesn't see me
on the table next to her.
285
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:45,732
[gasps]:
Oh, my God!
286
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,124
Is that a Nortair?
287
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,344
It's a Nortair 680b.
288
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,607
It's, like, the first
personal computer ever made.
289
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,827
You have an interest in this
type of stuff, don't you?
290
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,089
There aren't many
of these left.
291
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:57,482
I'll give you
five bucks for it.
292
00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:58,527
Yeah, right.
293
00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,310
I checked online.
294
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:00,834
This is in
mint condition.
295
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:01,922
It's worth at
least $1,300.
296
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:02,966
Deal. No take-backs,
297
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,751
double black magic,
tap it, bomb it,
298
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,143
flush it down the toilet.
299
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:08,102
You understand it's going
to take me a couple days
300
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,713
to get the money.That's exactly what I want.
301
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,975
I want you to buy it
302
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,368
this Saturday
at our garage sale.
303
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:14,761
In front of everybody.
With cash.
304
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,719
You're going to react in horror
305
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:19,156
when I tell you Reese was going
to throw this in the trash.
306
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,288
And then
you're going
307
00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,419
to tell everyone they should
308
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:22,986
have listened to meall along.
309
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,335
You know, right now
310
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:26,163
you're sounding a lot
like a James Bond villain.
311
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,557
Me? There's nothing
wrong with me.
312
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,645
I'm fine.
313
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,733
And right.
314
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:31,952
And right!
315
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:32,779
And on Saturday,
316
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:35,390
everyone's going to know it.
317
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,610
Okay, but these revenge plans
have a way of backfiring.
318
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:39,829
Word to the wise,
319
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,918
if you ever make someone
an Ex-Lax milkshake,
320
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:44,355
don't do it on an empty stomach.
321
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:46,183
HAL [over radio]:
Someone is looking down at you
322
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,012
from a satellite with his finger
on the death beam,
323
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,884
and somewhere,
someone is watching him.
324
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,886
But who's watching that...
325
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,452
[signal fades]
326
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:06,943
[siren whoops]
327
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,118
[gasps]
328
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:09,990
Oh, no! Oh, no.
329
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,601
[whimpers]
330
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:18,389
Sir, do you know why
I pulled you over?
331
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:21,131
Certainly not for operating
an illegal pirate radio station.
332
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,220
I mean, even if I did
have the equipment in college,
333
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,396
I wouldn't have kept it
and be using it today.
334
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,833
What's with all these questions,
anyway?
335
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,138
Do you have a warrant?!
336
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,793
You ran a stop sign
a half mile back.
337
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:31,794
What?
338
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,230
There's no stop sign back there.
339
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,667
It's at the driveway
to the country club.
340
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:36,799
They just put it up.
341
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,717
That stop sign is
a declaration of war!
342
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,979
It's for the fat cats
343
00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,851
up on top of the hill
playing golf
344
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:47,418
while us regular Joes are late
for our second job,
345
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:50,030
or church or dinner
with our families.
346
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,248
"Well, I'm sorry
347
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:53,250
"I missed Little Bobby's
first steps, honey,
348
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,470
"but I had to come
to a complete stop
349
00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:59,953
just because those robber barons
can't look both ways!"
350
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,216
Gretchen, what
are you doing?
351
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,826
I was just going
through some
352
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,697
of Rutger's things
from when he was a boy.
353
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:06,960
[whinnies]
354
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,352
[laughs]
355
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:13,923
Boy, I don't remember
that he was so fat.
356
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:14,837
[gasps]
357
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:15,969
Schlupi!
358
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,274
Who's Schlupi?
359
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,973
Otto and Rutger used
to love Schlupi.
360
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:21,322
Otto would put Schlupi on,
361
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,933
and Rutger would laugh
and laugh.
362
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:24,847
It was almost
363
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,457
like a little brother to him.
364
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,850
[laughs]
365
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:30,897
Schlupi could say all of
the things that Otto couldn't.
366
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,724
Like, "Go to bed."
367
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,465
And "Behave yourself."
368
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:37,425
And "Take your finger
out of there, it's disgusting!"
369
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:38,513
[laughs]
370
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:41,951
Oh, the love in that house.
371
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:43,866
And now...
372
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,738
it's gone.
373
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,436
Gretchen, I hate
seeing you so upset.
374
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,307
You've got to talk
to Otto about this.
375
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,005
There is no getting through
to him.
376
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:54,094
He won't even admit
that anything is wrong.
377
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:57,532
OTTO [crying]:
Oh!
378
00:13:57,575 --> 00:13:58,098
Oh... Oh.
379
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,795
♪ Oklahoma
380
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,580
♪ Where the wind comes
sweeping down the plain ♪
381
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,626
♪ And the waving wheat...
382
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:10,762
So you have
the money, right?
383
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,460
Yes. It cost me
three Little Lulus
384
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,983
and a Captain
Picard plate.
385
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:15,028
I hope you're happy.
386
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,072
I'll go get the computer.
387
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,857
You memorize this script.
388
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:22,949
Reese, that's a great idea
you're probably having
389
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,124
to help that lady
390
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,038
who's trying to buy something.
391
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:26,648
Yeah, okay.
392
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:28,780
Can I help you?
393
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,478
How much for the vacuum?
394
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:33,089
That's a set. You can only
buy that if you buy the lamp.
395
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,612
But I don't need a lamp.
396
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,440
Then you don't need a vacuum.
397
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,704
She'll be back.
398
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:41,968
And the lamp isn't going
without the blender.
399
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:45,972
You've obviously put a lot
of thought into this.
400
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:48,278
Where the heck does your father
401
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,801
keep disappearing to?
402
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,804
And then the stop sign army
spring into action,
403
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:54,067
all in support
404
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:57,592
of the military industrial
country club complex.
405
00:14:57,635 --> 00:15:00,029
But that's not where it ends.
406
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:01,161
[feedback squeals]Ooh.
407
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:04,033
Okay, pay attention to this.
408
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,601
How many sides to a stop sign?
409
00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:08,081
Eight.
410
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,213
That's just a little too close
to the number of judges
411
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,172
on the Supreme Court
for this citizen.
412
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:15,305
[feedback squeals]
413
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,264
Hang on a second, America.
414
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,789
[gasps]
415
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:27,622
[gasps]
416
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,019
Thank you very much.
417
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,108
That's mypiggy bank!
418
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:36,587
That was in my room!
419
00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:38,459
Relax, dipwad.
I got two bucks for it.
420
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:41,201
It had $16 in it!
421
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:42,115
Wah-wah.
422
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:44,160
Spilt milk.
423
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,250
Mom, stupid Reese just did
424
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,469
the stupidest thing to my...
425
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:49,687
You're as bad as Malcolm.
426
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,907
I don't want to hear any more
complaining out of you
427
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,474
for the rest of the day,
understood?
428
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,084
Now, go! Help your brother.
429
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,216
[scoffs]
430
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,218
Excuse me,
431
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,262
do you have a microwave
for sale?
432
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,309
No, we...
433
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:05,921
Well, actually, yes.
434
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,140
Yes, we do.
435
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,619
Follow me.
436
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:10,882
Excuse me, Malcolm,
it's me, Craig.
437
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,146
What's that
you're holding in your hands?
438
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:16,149
You mean this thing that
I've been trying to save?
439
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:18,803
That Reese has
insisted all along
440
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:19,891
was mere junk?
441
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,154
Mere junk?
442
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:24,157
Why, your brother couldn't
be more wrong,
443
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,072
nor you more right.
444
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,290
Please
445
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,031
allow me to buy it from you
446
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,250
for the princely sum of...
447
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,251
HAL:
Come with me.
448
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:33,514
Dad, what are you doing?
449
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:34,602
Craig, get back here!
450
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:36,212
Mom...
What are you doing
with that?
451
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,474
I ordered you
to throw this away!
452
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,085
Let go of it,
you idiot!
453
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,174
Give it!No!
454
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,175
There you go-- $16.
455
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:43,219
Thank you.
456
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,787
Hey, is that stereo for sale?
457
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,181
Make me an offer.
458
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:50,531
HAL: ...because we believe
in the Constitution!
459
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,272
We don't think
that the Constitution
460
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,490
is an empty promise.
461
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,492
We believe in the Bill
of Rights, don't we?
462
00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:56,885
Well, I never understood
463
00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,539
what the big deal was
about quartering soldiers.
464
00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,715
I mean, as long as I don't have
to change in front of them.
465
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,847
It's the spirit of free speech!
466
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:04,458
It's the fundamental
467
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:06,329
freedom that thousands of men
have given their lives for!
468
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,548
Hang a left here on Riverton.
469
00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:09,897
MAN: Attention, you are
conducting a broadcast
470
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:12,683
in direct violation
of FCC Rule 27.
471
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:13,510
Pull over.
472
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:17,123
I'm not going down
without a fight!
473
00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:18,993
I'm the voice of the little man!
474
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,213
The man on the girder.
475
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:21,736
The man on the streets.
476
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:24,130
The man
that fights The Man!
477
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,305
Oh, my God!
478
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:27,829
You're Kid
Charlemagne.
479
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:30,788
Give it!
No!
480
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:31,876
Let go!
481
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:32,703
Reese, don't,
you stupid jackass.
482
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,096
You don't know
what you're doing!
483
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,576
That is enough out of you!
484
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:38,144
Are you really
so insecure that you can't stand
485
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:40,146
anyone else getting
any attention?
486
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,756
Your brother has worked so hard
487
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,584
to make this yard sale
a success,
488
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:46,239
he doesn't need you
undermining him at ever turn.
489
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,241
Mom, you have
to listen to me.
490
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:50,243
We have a Nortair 680b.
491
00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,331
It's a type of computer
492
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,810
that was built in 1976.
493
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,812
There's only a few
in existence.
494
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:57,946
And Craig is going
to give us $1,300 for it.
495
00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:00,383
$1,300?
496
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,516
Oh, my God.
497
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,825
What are you doing?!
498
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,131
I have a lot
of things to sell,
499
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,351
and I don't have time
to argue with this bozo.
500
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:12,134
I've got a Jet Ski
501
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,484
on hold, and the place closes
at 6:00.
502
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:15,920
What are you
talking about?
503
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:18,140
I'm buying a jet ski
with my yard sale money.
504
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,489
That money
isn't yours.
505
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,187
It's going to rebuild
our bedroom wall.
506
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,579
But you said
I was in charge.
507
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,190
That means
Iget the money!
508
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,452
No, it doesn't.
509
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,149
Then why the hell would I want
to be in charge?
510
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:30,152
Reese, this is helping you
become a better person
511
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,632
by building your
self-esteem,
512
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,416
which you are obviously
going to need
513
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:37,333
if you are stupid enough
to throw away $1,300
514
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:40,075
that this family
desperately needs!
515
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,208
[tires screech]
516
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,253
I'm cooperating!
517
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,602
I never met this man before.
518
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,213
I hate the Constitution.
519
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:48,214
I hate free speech.
520
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,258
I'll snitch.
521
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,303
I know things!
522
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,652
What on earth?
523
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,220
Stop! Government agent!
524
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:56,222
Fare warning, sir!
525
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:59,703
Running adds an additional
$80 to your fine!
526
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,184
Otto, come out.
527
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,099
I know you're in here.
528
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,274
This is ridiculous.
529
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:06,623
It's been three days.
530
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,104
Look, I know you don't want
to talk about this,
531
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,628
but you can't
just keep hiding.
532
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,327
Are you happy like this?
533
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,459
Don't I look happy?
534
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:17,460
[crying]
535
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:18,766
Gretchen is freaking out.
536
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,681
The guests are leaving
in droves.
537
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:22,204
And Muffy wants her stall back.
538
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:23,771
You have to stop this.
539
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:27,992
There is nothing to stop,
because there's nothing wrong.
540
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:30,125
Now go away.
541
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,606
Look, if there's one thing
I'm an expert at,
542
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:34,216
it's pointless family conflict.
543
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,262
And if Rutger is anything
like me,
544
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:38,133
you're going to have
to make the first move.
545
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,049
That means you're going to have
to deal with your feelings.
546
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:42,398
I can't.
547
00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:43,617
[cries]
548
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,835
I know you can't.
549
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,924
That's why I want you
to do something for me.
550
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:47,838
Hmm?
551
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:49,318
Look at your wedding ring.
552
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:50,319
Hmm?
553
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:53,322
Oh.
554
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,281
Schlupi?
555
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,457
Yes, Schlupi.
556
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,373
I think it's about time
he weighed in on all this.
557
00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,248
I guess I was a little
disappointed
558
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:10,339
when Rutger wouldn't come.
559
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:11,122
And then
560
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:12,298
when the letters came,
561
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:13,647
it was so painful.
562
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:14,822
I couldn't bear it.
563
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:18,913
I love him so
much, Francis.
564
00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:22,133
And I swore that I would never
do that to my son,
565
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,396
and now look!
566
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,049
[crying]
567
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,661
Rutger is such a wonderful boy.
568
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,315
He's so sensitive.
569
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:30,664
He's-he's so bright...
570
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:32,883
I'm going
to get Schlupi a phone.
571
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,974
HAL: [groans]
I'll tell you one thing.
572
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:39,673
20 years ago, I would
have cleared that fence.
573
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:41,152
And the open manhole.
574
00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:42,502
Oh, God.
575
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:45,287
How could I have been so wrong
about Reese?
576
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,941
Hal, just say it again, please.
577
00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:48,508
I really need
to hear it.
578
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:49,509
Okay, okay.
579
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:51,511
Reese...
580
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:54,165
is hopeless.
581
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:55,210
Thank you.
582
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,343
[phone ringing]
583
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,387
Ah, sorry.
584
00:20:58,431 --> 00:20:59,388
Hello?
585
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:00,955
Mom?Francis?
586
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,652
Listen, I've been doing
some thinking,
587
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,175
and I just wanted to tell you
588
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:06,482
that even though
we haven't always gotten along,
589
00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:08,223
I guess you thought
you were doing
590
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:11,922
what was best for me, and...
well, I appreciate it.
591
00:21:11,966 --> 00:21:12,793
Wow.
592
00:21:12,836 --> 00:21:14,360
Francis, what brought this on?
593
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:15,535
I don't know.
594
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,754
I guess
I just had a breakthrough.
595
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,452
Anyway, I wanted to tell you
about this thing
596
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:20,801
that happened in junior high...
39044
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