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1
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:04,172
Boys...
you see what I have?
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:07,375
This is a movie I asked you
to return three weeks ago.
3
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,876
What if we want
to watch it again?
4
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:11,011
I found it in the dishwasher.
5
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,581
21 days times $2.99 a day,
that's...
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,716
$62.79.
What?!
7
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,318
What is it going to take
for you boys
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,919
to learn some responsibility?
9
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,689
You can't just go through life
letting things slide?
10
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,093
Sooner or later, you are going
to learn that...
11
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:27,027
Is it the tenth already?
12
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:30,531
* Yes, no, maybe
13
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,067
* I don't know
14
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:36,404
* Can you repeat the question?
15
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,672
* You're not the boss
of me now *
16
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,075
* You're not
the boss of me now *
17
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,444
* You're not the boss
of me now *
18
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,579
* And you're not so big
19
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,082
* You're not the boss
of me now *
20
00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:50,084
* You're not
the boss of me now *
21
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,586
* You're not the boss
of me now *
22
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,389
* And you're not so big
23
00:00:55,423 --> 00:01:00,060
* Life is unfair.
24
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,469
Mom's been at her sister's
for a month,
25
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,803
resting while she's pregnant.
26
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,639
Things were kind of chaotic
for a while,
27
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,741
but we've settled
into a pretty nice rhythm.
28
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,782
Can I use a glass?
29
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,951
No. Nothing
that requires washing.
30
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,986
Okay,
let's clear the table.
31
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,294
Oh, I talked to your mother
last night.
32
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,929
She misses you all very much,
and she'll be home soon.
33
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,898
How soon?
34
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,468
A few weeks.
(sighing)
35
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,802
Oh, and Reese,
she wanted you
36
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,171
to sweep the leaves
off the garage roof
37
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,405
when you get home
from school today.
38
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,340
What? But today
is the one day
39
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,176
that Alison's parents
aren't home.
40
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,344
To interfere
with our homework.
41
00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,246
Reese, your mother...
This isn't fair!
42
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,114
Mom can't control us
when she's not even here!
43
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,151
Nobody is being controlled
by your mother.
44
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,320
For instance, I'm inviting
an old friend over tonight,
45
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,155
and even though
we're never going to tell
46
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,924
your mother about it, it doesn't
mean we're being controlled.
47
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,494
To repeat: Your mother is never
to hear about this.
48
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,762
And you boys are just going
to love Larry.
49
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,698
We were inseparable
in high school.
50
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,033
But seriously, your mother
cannot find out
51
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,268
he was in this house.
52
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,104
Dad, you're hurting me.
Oh.
53
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,539
Sorry, sweetheart.
54
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,441
WOMAN:
Malcolm... Stevie!
55
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,942
Hi, Mrs. Hooper.
56
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,277
Do either of you
hooligans
57
00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,778
know where my son,
Dabney, is?
58
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,380
I don't know.
He was excused from gym.
59
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:28,382
What is a nervous eyelid
anyway?
60
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:31,719
It's an allergic reaction
to either gluten, whey or air.
61
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,287
I suppose
you boys are coming
62
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,223
to Dabney's birthday
party tonight.
Yeah.
63
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,225
Sure.
Just a little reminder:
64
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,992
I don't want either of you
65
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:42,296
showing up with any punk hairdos
or racy outfits.
66
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,798
BOY: What are you doing
on the pavement, huh?
67
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,634
I told you to walk
on the grass.
68
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,701
There's another guy
69
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,703
who doesn't let me walk
on the grass.
70
00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,839
Fine, you like the pavement
so much, kiss it.
71
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,142
Oh, my God... Dabney!
72
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,244
You come away from there!
73
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,311
Did you make
74
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,646
eye contact
with that big boy?
75
00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,813
When you're
in danger,
76
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,515
you tuck and cower.
77
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,351
I was cowering;
he wouldn't let me tuck.
78
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,090
* I'm a little teapot,
short and... *
79
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,425
Ow!
80
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,060
* Here is my handle
81
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,229
* Here is my...
82
00:03:15,263 --> 00:03:16,764
Ow!
83
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,433
* When I get all steamed up
84
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:20,934
* Hear me...
Ow!
85
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,203
* Tip me over and
86
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,338
* Pour me...
Ow!
87
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,573
(phone ringing)
88
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,940
Not it.
89
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,109
Hello?
90
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,944
MAN: Hello.
This is a recorded greeting
91
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:31,945
from the Malgacore Financial...
92
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,014
Hi, Mom. We're fine.
93
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,383
(drops slingshot)
94
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,884
Okay, I'll ask him.
95
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,052
Mom wants to know
if you swept the leaves
96
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,121
off the garage.
I'm doing it now.
97
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,624
(recorded message continues)
98
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,061
So Piama called-- she and
Gretchen got to Tucson okay.
99
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,564
Tucson...
the city that never sleeps.
100
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,534
They think they're going
to have so much fun
101
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,403
but we will show them, eh?
102
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:56,370
Just us guys.
103
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,705
Where do you want
your things, Otto?
104
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,039
Just put them in Francis' room.
105
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,408
What?
106
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,776
Oh, and Gretchen left this
for you.
Wh...?
107
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:05,145
Hold on. Why is he bringing
your things to my room?
108
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,448
Because I'm staying with you
this weekend.
109
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:12,052
I have not slept alone
in a bed for 35 years.
110
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,888
You're planning on sleeping
in my bed? With me?
111
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:18,091
It would be presumptuous of me
to ask a guest.
112
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,594
"Don't forget to sweep
the leaves
113
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,463
"off my roof
'cause I'm a mean old lady.
114
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,997
"Who cares if it's wet
and slippery?
115
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,299
"The roof
has to be cleaned
116
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,634
'cause I'm stupid."
117
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,935
(phone ringing)
Not it.
118
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,102
Hello?
119
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:30,904
Oh, hi, Mom.
120
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,340
I wasn't talking about her.
121
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,341
What do you mean "Mom"?
122
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,842
It's me, Francis.
Did you page me?
123
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,410
Yeah, Reese is right here.
124
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,845
I'll tell him, Mom,
125
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,147
but does he really have
to stay up all night?
126
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,281
Can't he fix
127
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:42,450
my bike tomorrow?
128
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,751
Well, you're right.
129
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,854
Saturday morning
is the best time for riding.
130
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,255
FRANCIS:
Okay.
131
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:48,989
Now I get it.
132
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,157
Just go easy on him.
133
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,925
You're a lot smarter than he is.
134
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,293
I've got to go.
135
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,597
OTTO:
Whoo!
136
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,698
Whoo!
137
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,032
This floor is so cold.
138
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,768
Get me under those
warm blankets.
139
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,703
Aah...!
140
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,705
Aah.
141
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,040
Aah...
142
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,542
This is sort of weird.
143
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,845
I haven't had a sleep-over
since I was in the third grade.
144
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,948
I was at Jeffery Feldman's house
and his mom, uh...
145
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,385
Otto, what the hell
are you doing?!
146
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,887
I know, I am a
notorious blanket hog.
147
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,355
(chuckles)
148
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,990
Mmm.
(screams)
149
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,792
Otto!
Ooh. Sorry.
150
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,727
Popsicle toes.
(laughs)
151
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,662
(laughing playfully)
152
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:32,366
(Otto laughs, sighs)
153
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,802
(woman screaming)
154
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,637
MAN (on TV):
Push! Push!
155
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,905
Look! I'm starting to crown!
156
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,239
(Dorene screaming)
157
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,410
DORENE:
Get this horrible thing
out of me!
158
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,144
(screaming continues)
159
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,414
Can he open presents now?
Yeah, can I?
160
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,716
Oh, okay, but go slow.
161
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:52,219
We don't want to
end up covered in
paper cuts, do we?
162
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,087
Boy, this is such
a great party.
163
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,823
It's twice the turnout we had
164
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,725
last year.
165
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,427
(mouthing words)
166
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,762
DABNEY:
Can I open
Grandpa's present
167
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:02,930
first, Mom?
168
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,032
Well, we might as well
get that out of the way.
169
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,202
STEVIE:
Whoa.
170
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:12,506
The XJ... 7000!
171
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,507
Cool!
172
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,942
What is it?
173
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,076
It's a paintball gun.
174
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,545
It's, like, the best
one you can buy.
175
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,012
I'll take that.
176
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,515
But, Mom!
When will your thoughtless
grandfather learn?
177
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:22,850
These gifts do nothing
178
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,217
but overstimulate you.
179
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,053
And when the
so-called fun ends,
180
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,756
you're left all red and giggly
and up until 9:00.
181
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,190
Well, not this time.
182
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,291
Give it to Mommy.
183
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:34,428
(grunting)
184
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,097
That's okay.
185
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,633
I wouldn't know
how to paint with it anyway.
186
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,969
Why don't you open
one of my gifts?
187
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,475
A new hairbrush.
188
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,142
Thanks, Mom.
189
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,277
Want to give it a try?
190
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,645
Sure.
191
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,814
Count down
from a hundred.
192
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,083
You boys can help.
193
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,251
One hundred...
194
00:06:58,285 --> 00:06:59,887
99...
195
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,055
BOTH:
98...
196
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,091
97...
197
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,427
Oh, ha, ha!
198
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,962
Here he is!
199
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,999
Hey, you big jackass!
200
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,970
It was just Mrs. Haggerty
turning around in our driveway.
201
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:19,339
So how come Mom won't let you
hang out with this Larry guy?
202
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,008
Oh, she thinks
he's a bad influence.
203
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,342
You know Mom, she's always
204
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,011
blowing things
out of proportion.
205
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,245
Just like at our wedding.
206
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,680
Okay, he missed
the ceremony,
207
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,449
but he did show up
with these two totally hot...
208
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,318
Well, that's a bad example.
209
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,154
Oh, there was this time
in New Orleans when we...
210
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,756
No, that's no good either.
211
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,324
Oh! Here's on.
212
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,293
Our families went
to the same church...
213
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,095
Oh... well, you
know your mother.
214
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,931
She just makes
stuff up.
(doorbell ringing)
215
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,298
He's here!
216
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,167
Dewey!
217
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,637
(rock music playing)
218
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,704
Hoo!
219
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:51,672
Oh, ho!
220
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,041
Pass complete!
Larry!
221
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,042
Hal!
222
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,443
Man, you look like crap.
223
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,878
You, too, buddy.
Come on in.
224
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,947
Boys, I'd like you
to meet Larry Ross.
225
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,314
These are my boys.
This is Reese
226
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,482
and Dewey.
Malcolm is at
227
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,483
a birthday party.
228
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:04,952
So, you got custody, huh?
229
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,053
Good for you.
230
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,788
Little word to the wise,
I heard, uh,
231
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,190
you should talk nice
about the ex, even if she is...
232
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,526
No, no, no, no, no, I'm
still married to Lois.
233
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,627
Oh, really?
234
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:14,962
Oh, yeah.
235
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,196
Well,
that's-that's great, man.
236
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,464
That's-that's just great.
237
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,567
You know, there's a little bar
down the way that...
238
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,068
No, no, she's out
of town for a while.
239
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,970
Sweet!
First beer, 7:04.
240
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,739
One of you kids
ought to write that down.
241
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,074
(laughing)
242
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,109
Isn't he great?
(laughing)
243
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,081
FRANCIS (to self):
This is kind of a landmark
night for me.
244
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:38,217
My first psychological trauma
not caused by my mother.
245
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,488
But I guess I do owe Otto for
everything he's done for me.
246
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,892
I mean, he and Gretchen
have just been amazing.
247
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:47,094
Gretchen....
248
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,396
I wonder what was in
that note?
249
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:50,664
(screaming)
250
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,667
(screaming continues)
251
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:55,903
(screaming)
252
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:59,539
(screaming)
253
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:05,613
(screaming continues)
254
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,047
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
255
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...
256
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,052
They had to take
that tractor apart
piece by piece
257
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,787
to get it out of
the teacher's lounge.
258
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,856
But you never gave me up, man.
259
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,125
(laughing)
260
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,360
What happened?
261
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,528
I mean, look at me.
262
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,396
Middle-aged, lousy job.
263
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,699
Dumpy little house
that can't hold the kids I have
264
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,234
and another one on the way.
265
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,936
Don't get down on yourself, man.
266
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,604
The only reason
you're a failure
267
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:33,106
is because society hates
free spirits like you and me.
268
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,141
It's the price we pay
269
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,876
for being in
the vanguard.
270
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,244
You remember
the way Dawkins
271
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,478
screwed us over?
272
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,080
Who?
Dawkins.
273
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,649
Our boss back
at Carmello's.
274
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:44,117
You remember senior year,
Labor Day weekend?
275
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,619
The kitchen flooded.
276
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,220
We spent the whole
weekend cleaning it up,
277
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,056
and then he stiffed
us out of 200 bucks.
278
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,290
Wait! Yeah!
279
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,759
(growls):
Unbelievable.
280
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,326
200 bucks. I mean,
you take that,
281
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,095
plus the interest
over all these years,
282
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,496
we're rolling in it.
283
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,298
Boy, if I had that money
right now,
284
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,100
I could afford to build
a nursery.
285
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,334
Thanks a lot, Dawkins.
286
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,937
You want a nursery, Hal?
287
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,572
We could do it.
288
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,274
Yeah,
I got a contractor's license.
289
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,810
We could add on to your bedroom
here no problem at all.
290
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,178
What?
You knock out this wall,
291
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,646
you extend out a little bit.
292
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,314
We could do the whole thing
for cost.
293
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,849
We'll make do.
294
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,584
You're not being fair
to the baby, Hal.
295
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,853
I know, but...
Come on. Eye of the tiger!
296
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,488
We create our own futures.
297
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:24,792
Well, you know, you-you...
you do what you can.
298
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,294
I mean, we'll be okay
as long as we...
299
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,628
(crashing)
300
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,532
Oh, my God!
301
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,834
Now you're committed.
302
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,035
Let's get to work.
303
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,637
Larry, I don't believe you!
304
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,506
I invited you over
for a couple of beers,
305
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,208
and you punch a hole in my wall?
306
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,475
This is exactly why
307
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,978
I haven't seen you
in all these...!
308
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,214
That little bat did all that?
309
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,650
(laughing)
310
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:51,852
This is great.
311
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:55,322
Wait till Lois sees this.
312
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,966
Dad? I don't know
what he did last night,
313
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,567
but there's no hot water,
314
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,536
and the toilet's full
of sawdust.
315
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,338
Dewey, if Dad wakes up
by dinner,
316
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,340
tell him I'm at Dabney's.
DEWEY: Okay.
317
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,208
WOMAN (over phone):
Good afternoon.
The current time is...
318
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,377
Yeah, Mom. My bed's
going in the sunny spot.
319
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,980
Reese's bed is going in the
closet like you wanted.
320
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,481
This is ridiculous.
321
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,884
We're never going
to make that movie.
322
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,518
I'm moving as fast
as I can, okay?
323
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,687
He's doing a really
good job, Mom.
324
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,356
You may want to give him
a break.
325
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,091
Thanks, Dewey.
You're a good brother.
326
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,192
She said no.
327
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,693
Don't you think it's
328
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,428
a little strange that
your mom keeps calling
329
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,865
just so you can do
Dewey's homework
330
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,067
and-and fix Dewey's
bike, and move
331
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,368
Dewey's furniture around?
332
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,003
What are you trying to say?
333
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,337
It's obvious, isn't it?
334
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,106
She wants you to do
stuff for Dewey.
335
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,875
Hey, if you want to talk
to her about it...
336
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,242
As a matter of fact, I do.
337
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,112
Hello?
338
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,680
Yes, good afternoon to you, too.
339
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,182
Well, thank you,
340
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:58,185
but I really don't need to know
what time it is.
341
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,452
Wait, listen to me.
342
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,854
Listen to me!
343
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,589
Forget it,
there's no talking to her.
344
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,690
Good-bye.
345
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,793
Okay, good afternoon.
346
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:09,696
God, she's polite
and rude at the same time.
347
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,732
Ow! Careful!
348
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,234
Hold still, Mom.
349
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,603
(knocking on door)
This is a tough area
for us.
350
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,872
Dabney, you get that. I'm going
to go hop in the shower.
351
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,941
If that's the Thompsons,
tell them to move their car,
352
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,275
then they'll get
their cat back.
353
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,812
Hi, Malcolm.
Where's your mom?
354
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,546
In the shower.
Good. Then I won't have
355
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,981
to put the laxative in her tea.
356
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,883
We have to meet Stevie
at paintball in an hour.
357
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,551
Malcolm, I can't
go-- Mom and I
358
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,720
are going to put on our
pajamas and watch videos.
359
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,789
Dabney, your grandfather
got you this amazing gun,
360
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,624
and you have to use it.
361
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,093
Look, Malcolm, I know you
think I'm a mama's boy...
362
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,595
No. Mama's boys are laughing
at you with their mothers.
363
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,064
Come on, I saw
the look in your eye
364
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,332
when you opened it.
365
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,767
Admit it.
You're dying to do this.
366
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,837
You just have to break free
from your mom.
367
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,671
Malcolm, you don't understand.
368
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,641
In exactly 17 minutes, she's
going to open that shower door
369
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,111
and expect to see me there
with a warm, cozy towel.
370
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,181
All right, let's go.
371
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,450
(snoring)
372
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,264
(loud gasp)
373
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,132
Oh, my God!
374
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,870
Damn it, Larry!
375
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,872
Okay, think, think.
376
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,940
How can I blame this
on the boys?
377
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,041
Good morning, princess.
378
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,677
Larry!
379
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,679
What have we done?
380
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,682
I've actually made
my crappy house even crappier.
381
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,185
Yeah, we got a hell of
a lot of work to do.
382
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,619
You're damn right we do!
383
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,288
First things first--
we're going to pay
384
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,023
a little visit on our
old friend Dawkins.
385
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,126
What?
Did a little
research last night.
386
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:50,797
Turns out he lives in a place
called Carlson Estates.
387
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,832
Estates, man!
Can you believe that?
388
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,167
He's living a
life of luxury.
389
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,169
You... you don't
even have a wall.
390
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,837
We're going to
get this guy.
391
00:13:57,871 --> 00:14:00,240
Larry, we-we have
to fix this.
This?
392
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,808
This is nothing.
Two days, tops.
393
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,576
You lay your
foundation here, zam!
394
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,478
Little electrical,
zing, zing!
395
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,248
Put in a bay window, vrunt!
You're done.
396
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,751
Now, let's go get Dawkins.
397
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,355
Okay.
398
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,590
Someone was out of bed
bright and early this morning.
399
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:18,691
(chuckles)
400
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,393
Yeah, Gretchen left me a note.
401
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,029
Can't seem to find it anywhere.
402
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,363
I think it may have been
403
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,864
about your violent
night terrors.
404
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,333
What are you talking about?
405
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,001
I don't speak terrified German,
406
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:30,337
but you must have been having
some pretty horrific dreams.
407
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,539
That's ridiculous.
I never dream.
What?
408
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,174
I never dream-- I go to sleep;
409
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,576
eight hours later, I wake up
with a slight sore throat
410
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,011
just like everybody else.
411
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,347
You screamed for hours.
412
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,682
I think it was you
that had the bad dream,
413
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,918
but don't worry,
I know just what to do.
414
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:48,455
I will give you a nice,
oily massage before bedtime,
415
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:51,891
you will sleep like a baby.
416
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,962
HAL:
This is going to be sweet.
417
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,197
LARRY:
Now, once we jump
the inner fence,
418
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,000
I'll take care of the dogs,
you take out the cameras.
419
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,376
He lives in a trailer park.
420
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,044
Yeah, an awesome
trailer park.
421
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,879
I mean, look at
that double-wide.
422
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,881
You don't got a
trailer like that.
423
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,649
All right, commando mode.
424
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,499
All right, you scale
the side of the trailer.
425
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,002
See if you can get in up there
where the paint's peeling.
426
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,236
Okay.
All right, move.
427
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,504
What's going
on out there?
428
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,139
Larry?
429
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,240
Hal?
430
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,742
Mr. Dawkins? Is that you?
431
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,777
(chuckling):
What a pleasant surprise.
432
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,413
Come on in.
433
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,448
I just put some tea on.
434
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,152
(paintball guns popping)
435
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,025
Stevie, cover me!
436
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,828
(vicious yelling)
(rapid popping)
437
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,264
I'm so glad
I dragged Dabney here.
438
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,300
This is exactly
the kind of thing he needs.
439
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:10,203
(guns popping)
440
00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:11,338
(gun pops)
(gasps)
441
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,206
Aren't I dead by now?
442
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,108
In the game, you are.
(gun pops)
443
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,377
(whimpers)
Dabney, just fire back!
444
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,945
Don't fire back. And don't move.
445
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,547
We're going to go get more ammo.
446
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,418
Get... up!
447
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,787
You have to shoot.
448
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,023
You have to do this.
Mom was right.
449
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,559
I could be home watching
Dark Victory right now.
450
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,827
You have to fight back!
Just pull the trigger!
451
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,030
But there could be
adverse consequences.
452
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,231
That is your mother talking!
453
00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:39,699
Just shoot it!
454
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,235
If you want to be any kind
of man, shoot it now.
455
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:45,772
(gun pops)
456
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:59,386
(gasps):
Haul ass!
457
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:09,628
Brush your own damn hair!
458
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,803
(vicious yell)
(rapid popping)
459
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,907
Get your own damn towel!
460
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,109
(yelling)
461
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,613
100! 99!
462
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,582
98! 97!
463
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,550
Aaah!
464
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,721
I call... Dabney's team.
465
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:35,722
(yelling)
466
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,457
The tea is great.
467
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,226
I wish I had more
468
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,195
to offer you,
but the Meals on Wheels van
469
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,731
only comes around
twice a week now.
470
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,966
No, this is fine.
471
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,636
You've been so... nice.
472
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,604
Can I ask you something?
473
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,106
See, Larry and I
were talking
474
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,108
about old times
at the restaurant,
475
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,909
and a certain
Labor Day weekend came up.
476
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,646
Oh, you mean the time
you boys flooded the kitchen.
477
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:00,747
Huh?
478
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,149
You two were doing chin-ups
479
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,383
on the water pipe.
480
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,119
Oh... yeah!
481
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,054
We busted it!
482
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,656
Larry, I think
he's right.
483
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,090
Mr. Slocumb
didn't want me
484
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,992
to give you your paychecks,
485
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,662
but I snuck them to your dads.
486
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:19,699
I almost got fired for that,
but what's right is right.
487
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,508
Well, that was illuminating.
488
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,743
We now know
the face of all evil
489
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,246
is a feeble old man
in a trailer park
490
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,748
who whittles bird feeders.
491
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,418
Well, I hope we've both
learned something here.
492
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,552
Oh, yeah.
493
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,828
What the hell
is wrong with you?!
494
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,930
Eye of the tiger, Hal.
495
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:55,802
DAWKINS: Larry? Hal?
Are you boys all right?
496
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,109
Yeah, Mom, he just
finished digging
497
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,811
that underground fort
you wanted.
498
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,112
I think you're
going to have
499
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,181
a lot of fun in it.
Give me that.
500
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:10,183
Honey, don't say anything.
Just listen.
501
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,118
You were right.
You're always right.
502
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,354
From now on, I will do
whatever you say,
503
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,456
because I have been happier
just mindlessly obeying you
504
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,057
than doing what I think I want
505
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,959
with any
of my so-called friends.
506
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:20,960
I love you.
507
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,195
I miss you.
508
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,996
Here's Dewey.
509
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,334
Really, Mom?
510
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,736
You want me to cut Reese's hair?
511
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,239
But he loves his hair.
512
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:33,206
Okay.
513
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,208
This is so unfair.
514
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,545
Just get it over with.
515
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,247
Mohawks are kind
of out, Mom.
516
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,481
What if I...
517
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,182
(phone ringing)
518
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,554
Do you hear a strange
ringing, Mom?
519
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,822
You are so dead!
520
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,924
(screaming)
521
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,860
And the last thing I remember
522
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,896
is him shoving paint balls
up my nose.
523
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,432
Good. Then let's just say
that's where he stopped.
524
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,435
DORENE:
Where's my boy?!
What have you done
525
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:05,672
with my poor, delicate boy?!
526
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:08,441
Oh, my God!
527
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,849
This is your fault, you
evil little Svengali!
528
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,552
I knew I shouldn't let
Dabney have any friends!
529
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,255
Now, Dabney, where...
Get the car.
530
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,090
We're going home.
531
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,793
Dabney, you've never spoken
to me like this before.
532
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,261
Well, get used to it.
533
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:30,663
I'm not your little
boy anymore, Mom.
534
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,267
I'm your little man.
535
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:36,603
Oh, my.
536
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,405
Oh...
537
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,540
Oh, Dabney. Oh!
538
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,710
(loud yelling)
539
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:46,245
(yelling continues)
540
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,221
"Dear Francis,
to stop Otto's night terrors,
541
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,256
"just caress his Ohrlappchen.
542
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,258
Gretchen."
543
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,093
(yelling continues)
His Ohrlappchen?
544
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:14,140
Please, please, please,
please, please.
545
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:16,443
(quietly):
Ah...
546
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,811
(sighs)
Thank you.
35415
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