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1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,505
I can't believe
we're locked out.
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,140
Mom won't be home
until 6:00.
3
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,875
Hang on. I know
how to get in.
4
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,078
Here it is.
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,012
I'll do it.
6
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,182
Thanks.
7
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,283
That credit card thing
takes hours.
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:21,155
* Yes, no, maybe
9
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,424
* I don't know
10
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,694
* Can you repeat the question?
11
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,862
* You're not the boss
of me now *
12
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,365
* You're not
the boss of me now *
13
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,732
* You're not the boss
of me now *
14
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:35,869
* And you're not so big
15
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,339
* You're not the boss
of me now *
16
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,374
* You're not
the boss of me now *
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,775
* You're not the boss
of me now *
18
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:45,713
* And you're not so big
19
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:49,483
* Life is unfair.
20
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,224
Why do you have to take
your pillow to your sister's?
21
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,126
Well, Hal, I don't know how long
I'm going to be there.
22
00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,760
I want to be comfortable.
23
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,295
Well, what am I supposed
to sniff while you're gone?
24
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,730
Mom's baby doctor
is making her move
25
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,132
to her sister's house
for a while.
26
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,733
Dad's starting
to get used to it.
27
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,935
At least now he goes out
to the garage to cry.
28
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,037
Aha! No coaster.
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,140
Look at that ring.
30
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,475
That is why I have to move
out of this house.
31
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,643
Mom.
32
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,111
Every time you boys
thoughtlessly
33
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,713
mar the furniture
by refusing to use coasters,
34
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:20,948
what are you doing?
35
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,418
ALL:
Killing the baby.
36
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,120
Killing the baby.
37
00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:28,289
Every time
you run through the house,
38
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,158
every time
you destroy furniture,
39
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,126
every time
you fight with each other,
40
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,994
you are killing the baby.
41
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:34,895
Lois, the doctor
just said
42
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,330
you should avoid stress.
43
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:39,133
Which is just medical jargon
for the simple fact
44
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:41,235
that every time
you boys misbehave,
45
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,636
you might as well
be taking a knife
46
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,438
and putting it in that baby's
tiny little heart.
47
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,806
Will you stop
saying that?
48
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,908
I just hope
you boys have the character
49
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,244
to channel the horrible guilt
you should be feeling
50
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,845
into better behavior
while I'm gone.
51
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,315
We're sorry.
Okay.
Yes, Mom.
52
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,487
Oh, my God.
53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,021
I don't think
I can keep this up.
54
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,590
It's just a few more days
until she leaves.
55
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:03,824
We can laugh all we want
56
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,259
when she's backing out
of the driveway.
57
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,328
We're not really
hurting the baby, are we?
58
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,795
Please. A week
before you were born,
59
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,431
we tied our playpen
to the back of her car
60
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,532
and followed
her to work.
61
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,833
She's just trying to save face.
62
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,202
She doesn't
want to admit
63
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,136
that we actually drove her
from the house.
64
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,771
And now we're
in charge.
65
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,106
(giggling)
66
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,009
Helga, this cheese is
magnificent.
67
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,977
(laughs)
68
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,714
Would you like to try
just a little bite?
69
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:27,981
No?
70
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,017
How could you not like cheese?
71
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,187
It is made from something
that comes from you.
72
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:33,987
Hey, Otto.
73
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,789
Ooh. Francis.
74
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,525
Have you seen
Helga's squeaky toy?
75
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:40,228
It's the one that looks
like a little fire hydrant.
76
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,463
No, but I did get in
the new branding iron.
77
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,064
Shh.
78
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,734
Do you want to scare the
poor thing out of her wits?
79
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,636
Otto, I know how much
you love Helga,
80
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,037
but we have to do this.
81
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,906
All the cows have
to get branded and de-wormed.
82
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,309
I promise
I will be very careful.
83
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,410
(fretful mutter)
84
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,911
But don't tell her about it.
85
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,680
You know, she is not as brave
as she looks.
86
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,351
I told her one ghost story
around the campfire,
87
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:07,187
and she had to sleep between
me and Gretchen for a week.
88
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:09,423
(guitar strumming)
89
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,658
* And I don't give a damn
90
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,692
* About a greenback-a dollar
91
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,894
* Greenback dollar *
92
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,195
* Spend it fast as I can
93
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:16,764
* As fast as I can *
94
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,433
* For a wailin' song
and a good guitar *
95
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,935
* The only things
that I understand *
96
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:22,936
* Poor boy
97
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,104
* The only things
98
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,275
* That I understand.
99
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,443
(strums last note)
100
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,878
Yes!
All right!
101
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:31,779
(laughter)
102
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,247
That little elbow move
103
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:35,215
you added-- where did you
come up with that?
104
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,084
You got me.
I was in the zone.
105
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,352
HAL:
All right, all right.
106
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,587
Can we get back to work?
107
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,854
What? That was perfect.
108
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,022
Yeah.
Yeah. Come on.
109
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,457
Really? Was it so perfect
110
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,259
that you are ready
to go up on stage with it
111
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:46,960
at the Elks Club
Founders Dinner?
112
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,028
(gasps)
113
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,196
What did you say?
114
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,698
I've been waiting to tell you.
115
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,899
I got us the gig!
116
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,233
Impossible!
117
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,635
They haven't taken
a new act in years.
118
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,304
It's easier to get
on the waiting list
119
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,305
for a new heart.
120
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,606
I know, but this morning
121
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,641
at the gas station,
I saw Eddie Eigen.
122
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,444
He come up to me to say hi,
and he slipped on an oil stain.
123
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,878
He can't perform.
124
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,113
You're kidding.
No, I tell you,
125
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,582
it's like God
backed up that minivan
126
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,050
over his ventriloquist hand.
127
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,319
So, Eddie uses
128
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,621
my cell phone to cancel
with the club.
129
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:16,724
Two minutes later, I push redial
and got us the gig.
130
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,625
(cheering)
131
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,327
You are the man.
132
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,229
NICKI:
I cannot believe
you don't trust me, Daddy.
133
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,431
I am not seeing Malcolm!
134
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,665
I don't even like him.
135
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,634
I haven't talked to him
in over a month.
136
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,636
Nicki's such a good liar.
137
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:31,038
That's good
in a girlfriend, right?
138
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,642
He is such a jerk.
139
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,044
I can't believe he's making us
hang out in closets.
140
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,614
Once my mom's gone,
141
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,249
we can hang out at
my house after school.
142
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,451
Thank God.
143
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,786
I can't get away
with anything here.
144
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,957
You were with that girl,
weren't you?
145
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,492
No! I was at the library
studying.
146
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:52,660
HAL:
You were supposed
147
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,462
to pick your brother up
at school.
148
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,696
There were rocks.
149
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,297
There was a beehive.
150
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,699
But where were you?
151
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,668
You are not allowed
to see that girl.
152
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,936
Her name is Nicki,
and I'm not seeing her.
153
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,538
Every time you lie to me,
154
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:07,841
it is like you are digging
a tiny little grave.
155
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,009
I am not lying to you!
156
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,878
(door slams)
157
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,279
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
158
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,781
(sirens approaching)
159
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,016
You know, Mom,
you're looking lovely today.
160
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,051
People don't appreciate
161
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,987
how lovely you can be
in the right light.
162
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,288
I'm always telling kids
at school
163
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,990
that I have
the loveliest mother.
164
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,825
I'll put on the coffee.
165
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,026
It's Henson.
166
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,961
Make decaf.
167
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,663
HAL:
"A Day in Prison?"
168
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:31,231
We have no choice.
169
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,733
I am not leaving you here
with Reese like this.
170
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,668
It just sounds so scary.
171
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:35,669
That's the point.
172
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:36,870
You take them to prison,
173
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,238
a bunch of criminals scream
at them,
174
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,239
and they come home good.
175
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,075
Hey, they include a snack.
176
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:49,349
There you go, Helga.
Almost done.
177
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,418
How's it going?
178
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,519
Just finishing
the de-worming.
179
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:55,022
God, these fumes are horrible.
180
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,024
All right,
let's get this over with.
181
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,826
Wait a minute.
You didn't brand them first?
182
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,628
No. Why?
183
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,866
That'd be the main reason.
184
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,735
(whistling in awe)
Wow!
185
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,437
The Founders Dinner.
186
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,772
Three hours from now,
we'll be singing on that stage.
187
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,906
In the dessert slot!
188
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,041
You can't beat that.
189
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,243
No, you can't.
Big time.
190
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,611
Dewey, I have
to focus,
191
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,079
so I want you to sit
and watch quietly
192
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,280
right over here.
193
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:21,682
Why do I have to be here?
194
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,517
Why couldn't I go snowboarding
with Reese?
195
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,018
Reese isn't
snowboarding.
196
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,454
That was just a lie
Mommy and Daddy told.
197
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,688
Reese is in jail.
198
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,589
For how long?
199
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,122
A few hours.
200
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,058
Oh.
201
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,360
MAN:
Since there was no
contraband found on
202
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,361
or inside your bodies,
203
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,563
I think
you're ready
204
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:38,065
to meet some of
the inmates now.
205
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,935
This is Samuel.
206
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,937
I would tell you
what he's in here for,
207
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,807
but it's against the law
for me to say it to minors.
208
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,481
Be with you in a minute.
209
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,686
The ankles were a bit
unnecessarily tight.
210
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:01,989
(sighs)
211
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,256
(clears throat)
212
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,726
(chains clanking)
213
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,894
All right, so we need
214
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,395
to get a few of
the ground rules
215
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,697
straight.
216
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:13,634
I own you!
217
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,503
You are my
property!
218
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,137
And you should know,
219
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,173
I don't take very good care
of my things.
220
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,743
Stand up.
221
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,845
(shouting):
I said stand up!
222
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,480
Turn around!
223
00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:28,348
All the way.
224
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,850
Faster!
225
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,752
See that?
226
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,654
Like a little top.
227
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,356
Sit down!
228
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,493
See how that works?
229
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:40,594
'Cause in prison,
230
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,696
you got to make your own fun.
231
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:46,767
And when they toss in punk kids
like you and you, whoo--
232
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,802
it's like Christmas for me!
233
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,538
If you displease me,
234
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:55,108
I will not hesitate to grab you
by your pretty little neck,
235
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:58,045
just squeeze
till your eyes
236
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,781
bulge out of your head,
237
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,383
and then pop them
with a fork.
238
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,719
(laughing)
239
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,354
(gasps)
240
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,689
You think that's funny?
241
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,824
I thought you were trying
to be funny.
242
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,494
So, I got me a
volunteer, huh?
243
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,129
Well, let me tell
you, cupcakes,
244
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,232
what your first day
up in here gonna be like!
245
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:25,338
And don't expect no
flowers afterwards.
246
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,341
Malcolm, we have to go!
247
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,810
I'm sorry, Nicki.
248
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,411
I've got to help my mom
drop off the first load
249
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:32,746
of her stuff
at my aunt's house.
250
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,313
There and back is like
three hours,
251
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,015
but when I get home,
I'll sneak over.
252
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,517
Malcolm!
253
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,519
What were you doing in there?
254
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:40,921
Finishing up my homework.
255
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:45,492
(banjo strumming)
256
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:49,362
* Charlie's wife goes down
to the Scollay Square station *
257
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:52,032
* Every day
at quarter past two *
258
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:55,703
* And through the open window
she hands Charlie a sandwich *
259
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,205
(deep bass voice):
* As the train
comes rumblin' through *
260
00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,239
Whoo! Whoo!
261
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,774
* But did he ever return?
262
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,275
* No, he'll never return
263
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,678
* And his fate
is still unlearned *
264
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,413
* He may ride forever
265
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:09,116
* He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston *
266
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,451
* He's the man
who never returned *
267
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,053
* Play that banjo, Steve-o
268
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,454
(banjo riff)
269
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,724
* Yeehaw!
* Yip, yip, yeehaw!
270
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,458
* A-ha
271
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,728
* Or else he'll never return
272
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,696
* No, he'll never return
273
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,765
* And his fate
is still unlearned *
274
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,566
* Just like Paul Revere
275
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,802
* He may ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston *
276
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,905
* He's the man
who never returned *
277
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,574
* He's the man who
never returned. *
278
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,610
(strumming final notes)
279
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,346
(laughter)
280
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,982
So, what'd you think, Dewey?
281
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,117
It's cool.
It's fun the way you guys move.
Yeah.
282
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,585
How come you're always
in the back?
283
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,921
I'm not always
in the...
284
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,125
Well, even if I am, it-it's
not about where anyone is.
285
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,061
It's about what's
best for the group.
286
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:54,995
Okay.
Yeah.
287
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,496
Why is it best for the group
288
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,931
to put you in the back?
289
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,905
So, a three-hour drive.
290
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:05,939
Should be nice.
291
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:06,907
Uh-huh.
292
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,308
We don't get
to be alone
293
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,743
that often anymore,
just the two of us,
294
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,178
and I've been wanting
to talk to you.
295
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,681
What are we going to talk about
for three hours?
296
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,949
Sex.
297
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,018
(panting)
298
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,320
(door locks clunk)
299
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,695
Mom, don't do this!
Malcolm, in
a few days,
300
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,462
I'm going to be gone
for a very long time,
301
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,864
and I need to know
that you're okay.
302
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,266
We are going
to have this talk.
303
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,268
I know about you and Nicki.
304
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,771
I'm not seeing Nicki!
I'm not having sex!
305
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,373
I know about protection!
I know all that stuff!
306
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,675
Malcolm, there's a lot more
307
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,010
to being a sexually
responsible person
308
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,945
than what they teach
you in health class.
309
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,280
It's very different when you're
experiencing it yourself.
310
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,315
Mom, stop.
311
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,050
I'll do anything you ask.
312
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,519
Just don't have
this conversation.
313
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,154
Oh, honey, it's going to happen.
314
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,889
(groaning):
No.
315
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,124
You think I like it?
316
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,726
You think I like
the embarrassment
317
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,027
we're going to be feeling
for the next few hours?
318
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,528
But, Malcolm,
I have no choice.
319
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,363
I cannot be there when
you are having sex.
320
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,699
God!
So I'm going to
try to give you
321
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,534
the benefit of
my experience.
322
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:10,704
I'm going to bury you with every
piece of information I have.
323
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,306
I don't know what will be
helpful and what won't,
324
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,008
so I'm just going to
tell you everything.
325
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,744
Oh, my God!
326
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:18,746
The sooner we start,
the sooner it'll be over with.
327
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:22,850
Now, this is
a diaphragm.
328
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,684
Look, Otto keeps asking me
where Helga is,
329
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,019
and I'm running
out of excuses.
330
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:27,520
You got to tell
him what happened.
331
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:28,722
I know.
I'm working on it.
332
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:29,757
It's just a cow.
333
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:31,391
A cow that's in his will.
334
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,927
Francis, I've got to thank you
for what you did to Helga.
335
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,362
My budget is
really tight,
336
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,364
and getting a couple
of extra sides of beef
337
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,932
really helped me out.
338
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,601
(laughs): And how did you
achieve that smoky flavor?
339
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,370
That's great stuff, Arnold.
340
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:44,838
Ray's dad
has a week to live.
341
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,840
Maybe you can do
ten minutes on that.
342
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,942
Otto, I have
to tell you something.
343
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:52,145
Francis, have
you seen Helga?
344
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,615
No, I haven't.
345
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,151
It is not like her
to wander off alone.
346
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,554
I'm starting
to get scared.
347
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,689
Mmm!
348
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:03,891
This is delicious.
349
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,092
(chuckles)
350
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,726
Do you think
351
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,396
she ran away because
she was angry with me?
352
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,231
I don't think so.
353
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,601
Well, I should have been
there when you branded her.
354
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,105
I could have held
her little hoof.
355
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,139
(chuckles)
356
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,473
(moans)
357
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,810
So tender, so moist.
358
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,077
You must try some.
359
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,278
(chuckles)
360
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,479
Mm-hmm.
361
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,882
(forced chuckle)
362
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,652
Look at me, enjoying myself
while my Helga is out there,
363
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,054
alone and scared.
364
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,222
That is it.
365
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,790
I will go, and I
will look for her,
366
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,058
and I will find her,
367
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,260
if I have to spend
all night searching!
368
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,095
Otto, if I don't say this
right now,
369
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,396
I am never going to say it.
370
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,998
Yes, go ahead.
371
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,001
Pass the béarnaise
sauce, please.
372
00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,438
FRANCIS (shouting):
Helga!
373
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,606
Helga, meine Liebchen!
374
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,242
Helga!
375
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,944
All that crap you "tough"
guys have been pulling,
376
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:59,112
well, this is where
it's got you!
377
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,613
This is...
378
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,450
Are you paying attention?!
379
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:06,653
No. I just realized.
380
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,455
You're in prison.
381
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,290
You're locked up in here
for life.
382
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,792
What do I need to be afraid
of yo for?
383
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,763
Because the way you've
been screwing up,
384
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,099
you're likely to
end up in here,
385
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,501
and when that
happens, whoo-wee!
386
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,603
You know, Sammy,
you might want to have someone
387
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,038
smuggle some mouthwash
in a cake.
388
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,473
(boys laughing)
389
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,277
Let me tell you what
happened to the last guy
390
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,711
who made fun of me.
391
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,948
They found just enough
of him to convict me!
392
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,950
Ooh! I am so scared
of prison boy.
393
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,451
What are you going to do,
394
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,854
stretch out your arms
70 miles through the bars
395
00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:41,955
to my house?
396
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,157
(laughter)
397
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:47,627
And if the sperm
doesn't take,
398
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,962
the uterine wall
sloughs off cells,
399
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,463
and that's what
creates a period.
400
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,831
Women can be very
emotional at that time,
401
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,300
but God help you
if you point it out
402
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,902
because then you're
creating two problems...
403
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,670
* Me-may-ma-mo-
me-may-ma-mo-moo *
404
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,340
* Me-may-ma-mo-me-
may-ma-mo-moo... *
405
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,309
I hope I don't get
too nervous tonight.
406
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,144
Kitty bought a new
antiperspirant
407
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,413
I don't have much
confidence in.
408
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,249
No one will even notice
ifsweat.
409
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,884
Since I'm (whistles)
in the back the whole time.
410
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:13,386
I'm in the back
for every song, you know.
411
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,822
And frankly,
I don't think that's fair.
412
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,225
We all agreed on the
choreography, Hal.
413
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,526
Where is this
coming from?
414
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,194
From the back, that's where!
415
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,730
You have such a good voice.
416
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,265
Why don't you ever sing lead?
417
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,867
I don't know.
418
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,570
I was told I sound
a little throaty
419
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,239
in my upper register.
420
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,873
Are you the leader?
421
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,275
Well, there's no leader.
422
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,510
We make all our decisions
as a group.
423
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,879
I don't remember any "group"
vote on these sweaters.
424
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,714
Hey, we all agreed
on these sweaters!
425
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,550
You like these sweaters,
don't you?
426
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,584
Yes, I do.
427
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,953
What's he going to say?
428
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,387
"My brother-in-law,
who's the only reason
429
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,788
"I'm in the group
in the first place,
430
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:49,889
picked out ugly sweaters"?!
431
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,124
Excuse me?!
Dewey,
432
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,259
what do you think
of these sweaters?
433
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,560
I like them. They're funny.
434
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,928
Oh, see?!
435
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,063
We're going to look
ridiculous tonight!
436
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,397
HAL:
Well, it doesn't matter
437
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,631
how I look.
438
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,934
No one's going to
be able to see me!
439
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,469
Oh, for heaven's sake!
440
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,404
Maybe if you guys worried
more about your voices
441
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,872
and less about
your sweaters...
442
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,474
Oh, now you're
criticizing my singing?!
443
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,376
Puh-lease. You
can't say your name
444
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,743
without changing keys.
445
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,379
I think Malik
sings beautifully!
446
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,981
Of course you do.
447
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,048
You're tone deaf!
448
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,316
Well, at least
when I dance,
449
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,051
it doesn't look like
I hooked my butt up
450
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:18,952
to a paint mixer!
451
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,320
Oh! Oh, that's it!
452
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,989
You can go up here
without me tonight!
453
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,290
I won't be here either!
454
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,257
Neither will I!
455
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:25,425
Me, neither!
456
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,759
I don't know why
it took so long
457
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,461
for the scales
to fall from my eyes!
458
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:31,098
And to reveal you
as you really are!
459
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,466
(all shouting angrily)
460
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:38,938
And believe me, it's
a lot more sensitive
461
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,773
than most men
understand.
462
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,809
A little bit
goes a long way.
463
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,077
Helga!
464
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,845
Oh, we will never find her!
465
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,347
And it's all my fault!
466
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,515
(sobbing)
467
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,783
No, Otto, it's not.
It's my fault.
468
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,086
I have to
tell you this.
469
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,990
There was an accident,
a tragic branding accident.
470
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,993
I killed Helga,
and I fed her to you,
471
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,761
and I couldn't be more sorry.
472
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,130
What?
473
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,131
She's gone.
474
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,698
She's dead.
475
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,301
I don't think
she suffered.
476
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,836
I'm sorry.
I-I should have told you
477
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,205
right from the beginning,
but I couldn't.
478
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,374
Let me tell
you something.
479
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,509
You are the only boss
I've ever had in my life
480
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,511
that I actually liked,
and what's weird is,
481
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,381
you're the only one
I've ever lied to.
482
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,617
I just couldn't stand the
thought of hurting you.
483
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,687
Thank you for telling me
the truth.
484
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,789
If you want to
fire me, feel free.
485
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,824
Oh, no, no, no.
486
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,026
(sighs)
487
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,361
It was an accident.
488
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,863
I think we should try
to put it all behind us.
489
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:40,067
I don't deserve a boss like you.
490
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,001
Let us go home.
491
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,204
Oh, Francis,
492
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:47,507
there is an expression
that you used
493
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,909
that I am unfamiliar with.
494
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,546
What does it mean when you say
"fed her to you"?
495
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,883
(vomiting)
496
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,224
(panting):
Okay.
497
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,227
So, on the night
I lost my virginity,
498
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,195
I learned something
very important
499
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,930
about relationships
and trust.
500
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,700
Your body can be telling
you to do something...
501
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:14,867
I hope you all appreciate
502
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:17,204
what those men
were doing for you.
503
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,372
And you might be happy to hear
that in part
504
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,242
because of the fine work
Samuel's done with this program,
505
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,411
he's getting paroled next week.
506
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,549
(mouthing)
507
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:35,888
Hey, I don't care
if you get out!
508
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,491
You'll never figure out
how to find me.
509
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,363
Jackass.
510
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,732
And people, they hop
from one person to another
511
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,767
trying to get some
sense of validation.
512
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,968
They do this all
through college,
513
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,370
all through
their twenties,
514
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,971
having all sorts
of casual encounters.
515
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,973
And sometimes they
even convince themselves
516
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,542
that the relationship
is serious
517
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,377
because the sex is
so great, but that...
518
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,112
Wait. Stop.
519
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,813
What did you mean
by validation?
520
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,382
Validating what?
521
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,584
Well, sometimes people
will attract other people
522
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,053
just to prove to themselves
that they're likable.
523
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:10,056
And if that's the reason that
you're having sex with someone,
524
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,624
you can cause
a lot of damage.
525
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:12,925
But if you want
to have sex with someone,
526
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:13,960
doesn't that mean
you really like them?
527
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,428
Oh, no, honey.
528
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,897
That's exactly the trap
people fall into.
529
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,332
You see, a lot of people...
530
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:22,635
(Irish music playing,
shoes tapping)
531
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,138
(song ends)
532
00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,844
That was cool.
533
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,147
How comes he doesn't dance
as fast as you?
534
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,519
I'm sorry.
535
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,688
I'm sorry I said
anything before.
536
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:42,922
Mm-hmm!
537
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,090
This is our shot!
538
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,692
We can't blow it like this.
539
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,427
The whole point of
the Gentlemen Callers
540
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,029
was to have fun and help
Malik tone down his drinking.
541
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,431
We're friends!
542
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,132
I don't even know
why we're fighting.
543
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,336
(angry shouting)
544
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,438
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce an act
545
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,373
we haven't seen before
at the Founders Dinner.
546
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,974
(moaning murmurs)
547
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,443
Simmer down.
548
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,044
Now let's give a warm welcome
549
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,046
to the Gentlemen Callers!
550
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,349
(applause)
551
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:16,356
Well, I for one, am
a Gentleman Caller.
552
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:21,894
Uh, well, th-thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
553
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:26,165
The six of us couldn't be
more honored to be here,
554
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:28,635
and we're going to sing
a little song about brotherhood.
555
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,270
And forgiveness.
556
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,740
And friendship.
557
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,621
(crowd murmuring)
558
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,862
Whoo-hoo!
559
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,072
* Play that banjo, Steve-o
560
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,042
* Yeehaw!
561
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,614
* Now all night long Charlie
rides through the station *
562
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,717
* Crying,
"What will become of me? *
563
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,186
* How can I afford to see
564
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,788
* My sister in Chelsea?
565
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,624
(deep bass voice):
* Or my cousin in Roxbury
566
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,858
* But did he ever return?
567
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,094
* No, he never returned
568
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,297
* And his fate
is still unlearned *
569
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,198
* Fame and scandal *
570
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,934
* He will ride forever
'neath the streets of Boston *
571
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,104
* He's the man
who never returned *
572
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,240
* He's the man who
never returned. *
573
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,442
(song ends)
574
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,910
(wild cheering)
575
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:50,249
(laughing):
They loved us!
576
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,884
We got more applause
that the Whistling Whittlers!
577
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,219
Yeah.
578
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,254
Now everyone over to my house
for pizza!
579
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,656
(all cheering)
580
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,125
How come you always go
to his house?
581
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,929
Sometimes after a fight,
582
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,164
you feel closer than you feel
when you're getting along.
583
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:06,966
Can I ask you something else?
584
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,568
Sure.
585
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,970
Well, sometimes when I'm with
Nicki, I have this feeling
586
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,739
that she wants to be doing
something else,
587
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:13,940
but I don't know what it is.
588
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,342
Then I try to guess.
589
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:17,243
Oh, that's never good.
Yeah, suddenly it's like
590
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,978
I did something wrong,
but I was just trying to help.
591
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,447
I mean, what am I supposed
to do? Just sit there...
38648
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