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1
00:00:02,761 --> 00:00:04,694
So apparently,
there's a risk
2
00:00:04,728 --> 00:00:06,730
of extra blood loss
with a cesarean section
3
00:00:06,765 --> 00:00:10,217
but Dr. Howard is pretty sure
I can deliver vaginally.
4
00:00:10,251 --> 00:00:12,495
He says I have a nice,
thick placenta.
5
00:00:13,461 --> 00:00:14,704
What's a placenta?
6
00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:16,361
Don't tell him. God!
7
00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:18,466
Why are you boys
being so squeamish?
8
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:19,743
Come on, Mom.
It's gross!
9
00:00:19,778 --> 00:00:21,124
What are you
talking about?
10
00:00:21,159 --> 00:00:22,160
You should
be grateful.
11
00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:23,437
When you were in my womb,
12
00:00:23,471 --> 00:00:25,128
you were feeding off my placenta
for nine months.
13
00:00:25,163 --> 00:00:27,475
Okay, that's it.
14
00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:31,997
I told you we only needed
a medium.
15
00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:36,795
♪ Yes, no, maybe
16
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:39,246
♪ I don't know
17
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,594
♪ Can you repeat the question?
18
00:00:42,628 --> 00:00:44,734
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
19
00:00:44,768 --> 00:00:46,943
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
20
00:00:46,977 --> 00:00:48,600
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
21
00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:51,741
♪ And you're not so big
22
00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:53,260
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
23
00:00:53,294 --> 00:00:56,159
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
24
00:00:56,194 --> 00:00:58,472
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
25
00:00:58,506 --> 00:01:01,509
♪ And you're not so big
26
00:01:01,544 --> 00:01:05,582
♪ Life is unfair.
27
00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:10,794
Lois, you're not being fair.
Every year you tell me
28
00:01:10,829 --> 00:01:13,107
what you want for
Valentine's Day-- every year.
29
00:01:13,142 --> 00:01:15,627
Now, this year you want me
to buy you a present
30
00:01:15,661 --> 00:01:16,835
without so much as a clue?
31
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,078
Can we discuss
this later?
32
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,493
When? After I've
brought home
33
00:01:19,527 --> 00:01:20,563
a gift you hate
34
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:21,943
that makes me
look like a jackass
35
00:01:21,978 --> 00:01:23,255
and you never
forgive me?
36
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,360
Here, mint
or original?
37
00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,258
I don't remember
the morning sickness
38
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:27,466
lasting this long.
39
00:01:27,501 --> 00:01:29,054
Well, you are
a lot older.
40
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,331
Honey, you know,
like we all are.
41
00:01:30,366 --> 00:01:32,195
That's what happens--
everyone gets older
42
00:01:32,230 --> 00:01:33,541
and older
until they die...
43
00:01:33,576 --> 00:01:35,750
and can we get
back to your gift?
44
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:37,925
Hal, you're going to have at
least four hours at the mall
45
00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:39,064
while I'm shopping
with the boys.
46
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,341
You'll find
something.
47
00:01:40,376 --> 00:01:41,308
This isn't fair.
48
00:01:41,342 --> 00:01:42,550
You want to trade?
49
00:01:42,585 --> 00:01:43,827
You want to take
50
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,450
three teenage boys
to the basement sale
51
00:01:45,484 --> 00:01:47,245
at Hanning's
and force them to try on
52
00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:49,178
a year's worth
of school clothes?
53
00:01:49,212 --> 00:01:50,869
No, I'm good.
54
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,974
Oh, God. My feet
are so swollen,
55
00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:55,287
I'm going to need
clown shoes.
56
00:01:55,322 --> 00:01:57,324
I can't believe I'm going
through this again.
57
00:01:57,358 --> 00:01:59,636
So, a boy or a girl?
58
00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:00,948
What?
59
00:02:00,982 --> 00:02:02,191
Oh, come on--
just between us,
60
00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:03,709
would you rather
have a boy or a girl?
61
00:02:03,744 --> 00:02:05,263
Hal...
Oh, I know, I know.
62
00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:08,300
"As long as it's healthy."
We both know the drill.
63
00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:09,232
But deep down,
64
00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:11,510
you must want one
more than the other.
65
00:02:11,545 --> 00:02:12,511
[ sighs]:
Well...
66
00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:13,547
MALCOLM:
Give it back!
67
00:02:13,581 --> 00:02:15,169
[ crashing]REESE:
You stupid runt!
68
00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:17,482
I'll get
the vacuum.
69
00:02:17,516 --> 00:02:18,897
[ yelling]
70
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,658
You broke my
Space Fighter!
71
00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:23,177
Give it!
You give it!
72
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,868
What is going on here?
73
00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:26,732
He stole my pen!
My favorite pen!
74
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,078
Look at him
holding it!
75
00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:30,046
Why is it he
always gets
the pen?
76
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,944
I never get the pen!
77
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:34,119
All I want is the pen!
78
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,362
What is wrong with you boys?
79
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,950
You have a whole drawer
full of pens right here.
80
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:39,987
Why does he have to have
everything I want?!
81
00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:41,575
I never have
what I need!
82
00:02:41,609 --> 00:02:43,197
I don't even have
my own bed!
83
00:02:43,232 --> 00:02:45,337
Why does everything
in my life suck?!
84
00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:47,857
You owe me a new Space Fighter!
85
00:02:47,891 --> 00:02:48,892
Shut up and get your own pen!
86
00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:50,273
[ yelling]
87
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:53,828
Give it to me!
Give it to me!
88
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:55,105
Give it to me!
89
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:56,693
[ girls yelling]
90
00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:00,456
Renee, please
don't touch it.
91
00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:02,561
Mallory, you're being silly.
It's just a pen.
92
00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:04,391
I was going to do
homework with it.
93
00:03:04,425 --> 00:03:06,047
Unless there's
a reason
94
00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:08,326
this pen's
important to you.
95
00:03:09,637 --> 00:03:10,500
It's stupid.
96
00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:12,295
No, it isn't, Mallory.
You can tell her.
97
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:13,641
Daisy's right.
You can tell me.
98
00:03:13,676 --> 00:03:15,885
How come you never say
what's on your mind?
99
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,406
Yeah, you're
always so quiet.
100
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,756
MALLORY:
Well...
101
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:28,449
this boy dropped it
in biology class.
102
00:03:28,484 --> 00:03:30,037
He chewed on
it a little.
103
00:03:30,071 --> 00:03:31,176
Oh, I am so sorry.
104
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,902
I should have known that.
105
00:03:32,936 --> 00:03:33,696
I hate being dumb.
106
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,387
If I didn't grow
such great hair,
107
00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:36,733
my head would be useless.
108
00:03:36,768 --> 00:03:38,528
You don't have
to be a genius.
109
00:03:38,563 --> 00:03:40,289
You're sweet
and thoughtful...
110
00:03:40,323 --> 00:03:41,600
and that's
what counts.
111
00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:44,431
DAISY:
Wow.
112
00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:47,157
That was the worst fight
we've had in months.
113
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,331
[ giggling]
114
00:03:48,366 --> 00:03:51,576
Why don't you just die?!
115
00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:53,233
Give me my pen!
I'm warning you...
116
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,269
Ooh, I'm scared.
What are you gonna do?
117
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:57,271
What's the baby
gonna do?
118
00:03:57,306 --> 00:03:58,514
[ grunts]
119
00:03:58,548 --> 00:03:59,549
Malcolm!
120
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:06,176
Malcolm, you can
take Reese?
121
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:07,695
No one's "taking" anybody.
122
00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:09,041
I can't believe
you boys.
123
00:04:09,076 --> 00:04:10,146
[ groaning]
124
00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:12,528
Oh, my God, look at you!
125
00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:15,462
He better not need stitches.
126
00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:16,738
[ groans]
127
00:04:16,773 --> 00:04:18,567
Yeah, like you
weren't begging for it.
128
00:04:18,603 --> 00:04:19,535
[ groans]
129
00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:21,295
LOIS: Come on!
130
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,503
We've got a lot
of shopping to do!
131
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,815
[ phone rings ]
132
00:04:23,849 --> 00:04:25,748
Hello?
133
00:04:25,782 --> 00:04:27,646
Mom! Great.
Listen, I need a favor.
134
00:04:27,681 --> 00:04:29,234
I need you to go in the garage.
135
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,478
Under the paint tarps,
next to the rat poison
136
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:33,169
is my old box of Madmagazines,
137
00:04:33,203 --> 00:04:35,551
and the one I need you to find
is in the middle stack.
138
00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:37,138
Francis, what are you talking
about?
139
00:04:37,173 --> 00:04:39,313
I got a $20 bet on
whether the cover is
140
00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:42,005
Stagnum P.I. or Magnum P.U.
141
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,766
Francis, I don't
have time for this.
142
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,354
Of course you don't!
143
00:04:45,388 --> 00:04:48,149
Because every time something
important to me comes...
144
00:04:52,153 --> 00:04:54,363
[ groans ]
145
00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:55,743
Will you hurry up?!
146
00:04:55,778 --> 00:04:57,780
We're going to have to
park, like, a mile away?
147
00:04:57,814 --> 00:04:59,920
Why do we have
to go shopping, anyway?
148
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:01,508
Because you ruin
everything you own.
149
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:04,373
New clothes don't just magically
appear in your drawers.
150
00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:05,926
Mine do.
151
00:05:09,688 --> 00:05:10,551
[ beeping horn]
152
00:05:10,586 --> 00:05:12,657
Hal, hurry up!
153
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:14,175
Why can't you go
shopping without us?
154
00:05:14,210 --> 00:05:16,005
I'm a medium,
I like blue.
Go crazy.
155
00:05:16,039 --> 00:05:17,213
Seriously, Mom,
think about it--
156
00:05:17,247 --> 00:05:18,283
you're dragging
us to a place
157
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,180
that we don't like,
158
00:05:19,215 --> 00:05:20,872
to buy clothes
we don't care about,
159
00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:22,080
for money you
don't want to spend,
160
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,288
to look nice for
people who hate
our guts.
161
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,531
MALLORY:
...and if we go
to the shoe store
162
00:05:24,565 --> 00:05:25,739
before we look
for jeans,
163
00:05:25,773 --> 00:05:26,981
we can get yogurt
in between.
164
00:05:27,016 --> 00:05:28,293
Will you help me
pick out earrings?
165
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,433
No, she's going to
help mepick out tops.
166
00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:31,538
You know what
we should do?
167
00:05:31,572 --> 00:05:33,022
You two take
the first floor,
168
00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:34,092
and we'll take
the second floor,
169
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:35,473
and we'll meet
every 45 minutes
170
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:36,853
at the pretzel place
and see what else
171
00:05:36,888 --> 00:05:38,096
we need to get,
and then...
172
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,098
Girls, girls,
calm down.
173
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,858
We do this, like,
five times a week.
174
00:05:41,893 --> 00:05:43,273
You think you'd be bored by now.
175
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:45,241
I know why Mallory wants to meet
at the pretzel place.
176
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,587
That's where Jason McNeil works.
177
00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:47,830
Daisy!
178
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,659
That'swho you have
a crush on? Jason?
179
00:05:49,694 --> 00:05:50,557
Maybe.
180
00:05:50,591 --> 00:05:51,661
Mallory, he has
a mustache.
181
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:52,904
You don't want
anything to do
182
00:05:52,938 --> 00:05:54,146
with a boy like that.
183
00:05:54,181 --> 00:05:55,907
You're always so
protective of me.
184
00:05:55,941 --> 00:05:57,115
Come on, Daddy, hurry.
185
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,048
Dad, come on, the
mall is calling!
186
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:01,430
[ all shouting]
187
00:06:01,464 --> 00:06:02,879
Damn it. That's enough!
188
00:06:02,914 --> 00:06:05,157
Now, we are going shopping,
and that is it!
189
00:06:05,192 --> 00:06:07,021
[ all complaining at once]
190
00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:08,678
I don't even need
new clothes!
191
00:06:08,713 --> 00:06:10,300
I don't even want
to go the mall!
192
00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:11,681
Do you want big,
do you want small?
193
00:06:11,716 --> 00:06:12,786
Do you want for you?
194
00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:13,787
Do you want
for the house?
195
00:06:13,821 --> 00:06:14,822
Do you want
sincere...?
196
00:06:14,857 --> 00:06:16,893
Hal, you know what I like.
197
00:06:16,928 --> 00:06:19,171
Yes, because
you've always told me!
198
00:06:19,206 --> 00:06:21,208
For the past five
Valentine's Days,
199
00:06:21,242 --> 00:06:22,934
you've asked
for a lawn mower,
200
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:24,384
bath salts, earrings,
201
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,419
a Hibachi,
202
00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:26,178
a porcelain cat.
203
00:06:26,213 --> 00:06:27,870
Th-there's
no pattern, Lois.
204
00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:28,974
It is madness!
205
00:06:29,009 --> 00:06:30,562
I'm telling you,
it's madness!
206
00:06:30,597 --> 00:06:32,944
Okay, I'm going to let
you do this to yourself.
207
00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:34,394
My feet are killing me.
208
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,706
We're going to hit the
food court before the sale.
209
00:06:36,741 --> 00:06:39,260
Fine! Be that way!
210
00:06:39,295 --> 00:06:40,641
Don't come crying to me
211
00:06:40,676 --> 00:06:43,403
when you end up with a pair
of puppy oven mitts!
212
00:06:45,646 --> 00:06:48,615
Do you like puppy oven mitts?!
213
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,067
One salad with light dressing
214
00:06:53,102 --> 00:06:55,207
and three grande
chili stampedes--
215
00:06:55,242 --> 00:06:56,588
one with extra onions,
216
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:59,246
one with extra beans
and extra onions,
217
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:03,423
and one with extra beans
and extra, extra onions.
218
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,045
You've shot down
my star-pod
219
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:07,047
for the last time, Zoltan.
220
00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:08,531
What you gonna do?
221
00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:11,500
What's the baby gonna do, huh?
222
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:13,191
Aah! My lip!
223
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,055
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
224
00:07:15,089 --> 00:07:17,229
It hurts!
225
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:24,444
I don't want
a hat, Hal.
226
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,652
Damn.
227
00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:27,688
Okay, if one of you boys
wants to get napkins,
228
00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:28,758
we can start...
229
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:32,659
[ ravenous grunting]
230
00:07:33,694 --> 00:07:35,489
Boy, keep the windows
open tonight,
231
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:36,628
'cause I'm gonna rip
232
00:07:36,663 --> 00:07:37,560
the biggest...
233
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:39,631
DAISY:
...hole in
my sweater.
234
00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:40,632
Look at this.
235
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,358
I think I snagged it
on something.
236
00:07:42,392 --> 00:07:44,291
I hate when
I ruin my things.
237
00:07:44,325 --> 00:07:46,051
Remember when
I was two,
238
00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,191
and I got cake
on my jumper?
239
00:07:48,226 --> 00:07:50,228
Don't worry.
I snagged a blouse once.
240
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:51,919
That's when Mom
taught me how to sew.
241
00:07:51,954 --> 00:07:53,852
Why isn't Daddy back
from the pharmacy yet?
242
00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:55,992
I'll bet he's
sneaking a
cigarette.
243
00:07:56,027 --> 00:07:56,924
You girls let him be.
244
00:07:56,959 --> 00:07:58,098
Sometimes he just needs a break.
245
00:07:58,132 --> 00:08:00,134
It's not easy being
the only boy in the family.
246
00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:02,447
Oh, look.
247
00:08:03,552 --> 00:08:05,933
Hi, honey,
we're over here.
248
00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:07,072
Hi, Daddy.
249
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:08,246
Hi, Daddy.Hi Daddy.
250
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,730
Hi, girls.
Sorry it took so long.
251
00:08:09,765 --> 00:08:11,663
No one's upset with me,
are they?
252
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,115
Bought everyone some cookies.
253
00:08:15,149 --> 00:08:18,256
Oh... they're gone.
254
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,085
Daddy, you know
how you like
255
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,190
to make me happy?
256
00:08:21,224 --> 00:08:23,606
[ whimpers]:
Yes?
257
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:24,745
Well, there
is the cutest
258
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:26,333
little makeup kit at
the Clinique counter.
259
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:27,437
Oh, honey, no.
260
00:08:27,472 --> 00:08:29,301
Now, absolutely not.
261
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:31,372
I don't even like
262
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:32,442
you wearing makeup,
263
00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:33,754
and that stuff
is so overpriced.
264
00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:35,480
And what's
such a hurry... ?
265
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,549
Hal, it's all right.
266
00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:39,241
Mallory, stop manipulating
your father.
267
00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:40,658
You know there's no sport in it.
268
00:08:40,692 --> 00:08:42,452
She wants to look pretty
for Jason.
269
00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:43,557
Who's Jason?
270
00:08:43,592 --> 00:08:44,696
Daddy, keep
your voice down.
271
00:08:44,731 --> 00:08:46,595
He's right over there.
272
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:47,699
God, I can't
believe you.
273
00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:50,253
I don't know what
you see in that guy.
274
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:51,461
Daddy, don't you think
275
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:52,704
Mallory should be
with someone else?
276
00:08:52,739 --> 00:08:54,119
No.
Well, that's easy
for you to say.
277
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:55,811
You have, like,
50 guys after you.
278
00:08:55,845 --> 00:08:57,882
50?!
[ choking]
279
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:02,956
All right, girls,
that's enough.
280
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:05,510
Now, Renee, I know
you love your sister,
281
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,857
but you can't live
her life for her.
282
00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:09,065
And Mallory,
283
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:11,274
I know you want to look older
and more sophisticated,
284
00:09:11,309 --> 00:09:12,724
but trust me...
285
00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:15,693
that three-dollar lip gloss
is working just fine.
286
00:09:15,727 --> 00:09:16,901
You're right, Mom.
287
00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:18,903
You're alwaysright.
288
00:09:18,937 --> 00:09:21,664
DEWEY:
Hey, I was
gonna eat that!
289
00:09:21,699 --> 00:09:22,872
REESE:
Tough luck, runt!
290
00:09:22,907 --> 00:09:23,873
MALCOLM:
What the hell's
wrong with you?!
291
00:09:23,908 --> 00:09:24,909
Get your hands
off me!
292
00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:33,607
No.
293
00:09:35,505 --> 00:09:36,645
Damn.
294
00:09:37,646 --> 00:09:39,371
Can I help you?
295
00:09:44,135 --> 00:09:46,171
Don't do it.
296
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:48,518
Thank you.
297
00:09:48,553 --> 00:09:49,623
All right,
we're going in.
298
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:50,969
You see anything
in your size,
299
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:52,212
grab it and hold onto it
300
00:09:52,246 --> 00:09:54,145
no matter what anyone
tries to do to you.
301
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,112
Protect your heads.
Don't trust anyone.
302
00:09:56,147 --> 00:09:57,769
What are you trying to do,
scare us?
303
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:58,908
Yes. Fear is good.
304
00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:00,427
It's an 80%-off sale.
305
00:10:00,461 --> 00:10:02,291
Fear will keep you alive.
306
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,226
Don't worry.
We're with Malcolm.
307
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:12,197
Ooh.
308
00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:13,785
Oh...
309
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:17,582
Oh, the foot spa.
310
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,721
Those are good,
right?
311
00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:19,688
Oh, yeah, they're amazing.
312
00:10:19,722 --> 00:10:20,792
I already have two.
313
00:10:20,827 --> 00:10:22,414
This one's for
my downstairs bathroom.
314
00:10:22,449 --> 00:10:23,657
Well, enjoy.
315
00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:26,798
I would like the deluxe foot spa
with remote control,
316
00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:28,973
and I'd like it gift-wrapped,
please.
317
00:10:29,007 --> 00:10:30,802
I'm sorry.
That was our last one.
318
00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:32,252
No!
319
00:10:32,286 --> 00:10:34,219
What about the one
in the window?
320
00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:36,532
It's a display model.
It's just to show.
321
00:10:36,566 --> 00:10:38,672
But you have to...
322
00:10:38,707 --> 00:10:41,364
I need the... the perfect...
323
00:10:41,399 --> 00:10:43,401
My wife...
324
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:45,610
Sir! Sir!
325
00:10:46,715 --> 00:10:47,888
[ chuckling]
326
00:10:47,923 --> 00:10:48,958
Excuse me. Hi.
327
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:50,201
I'm Hal, remember?
328
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:51,858
Your friend from
just now in the store.
329
00:10:51,892 --> 00:10:53,342
Yeah, hi.
Hi.
330
00:10:53,376 --> 00:10:55,827
I was trying to get one of
those foot spas for my wife.
331
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,104
Oh, really?
332
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:59,141
Yeah, my pregnant wife.
333
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:01,488
For Valentine's Day, you know.
334
00:11:01,522 --> 00:11:04,249
And apparently,
you bought the last one.
335
00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:06,182
So, I was wondering,
336
00:11:06,217 --> 00:11:07,667
since you already have two,
337
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,773
uh, if you wouldn't mind
selling me that one.
338
00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:14,156
No, I don't
think so. Sorry.
339
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,398
Look, you don't understand.
340
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:17,677
I have been searching
and searching.
341
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,748
I'll give you double
what you paid for.
342
00:11:19,782 --> 00:11:21,888
No!
I'll give you triple.
343
00:11:21,922 --> 00:11:22,992
Look, I'm sorry, but no.
344
00:11:23,027 --> 00:11:24,476
This is mine. I bought it.
345
00:11:24,511 --> 00:11:25,926
I'm sure if you just
keep looking around,
346
00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:27,065
you'll find something else.
347
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,033
Oh, okay, okay.
348
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:32,243
Um, ah, how about this?
349
00:11:37,075 --> 00:11:38,801
Ooh... oh!
350
00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,330
[ yelping]
351
00:12:00,892 --> 00:12:03,792
[ panting]
352
00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:06,242
[ gasping]
353
00:12:06,277 --> 00:12:07,796
[ screaming]
354
00:12:10,799 --> 00:12:14,423
[ shouting and clamoring]
355
00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:20,947
I can see through
that old lady's bra.
356
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:24,329
We've got to get
out of here before
we're scarred for life.
357
00:12:24,364 --> 00:12:25,779
Come on.
358
00:12:27,298 --> 00:12:28,540
Hey, Mom, we've...
359
00:12:28,575 --> 00:12:29,818
You did not already
try on those clothes.
360
00:12:29,852 --> 00:12:30,888
And you do not
361
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:32,337
have a term paper due,
and you are not
362
00:12:32,372 --> 00:12:33,753
going to suddenly
develop stomach cramps.
363
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:34,857
How did you...?
364
00:12:34,892 --> 00:12:35,962
Please, who do you think
365
00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:36,859
you're talking to?
366
00:12:36,894 --> 00:12:38,792
Now, go, try on
those clothes.
367
00:12:38,827 --> 00:12:39,828
Reese.
368
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:41,415
Takes these and go
with your brother.
369
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,210
Mom, what are you doing?
370
00:12:43,245 --> 00:12:44,556
Why are you giving
me a pink shirt?
371
00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:46,213
I don't wear pink.
I've never worn pink.
372
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:47,697
That shirt is red.
373
00:12:47,732 --> 00:12:49,561
If you have something to say,
just come out and say it.
374
00:12:49,596 --> 00:12:51,011
[ sighing]
375
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:53,151
For the love of God,
I'll find you another one.
376
00:12:55,464 --> 00:12:56,672
Excuse me.
377
00:12:58,329 --> 00:13:00,849
Wow, what happened to your face?
378
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:03,230
I slept on it wrong.What do you mean?
379
00:13:03,265 --> 00:13:06,164
Well, I'm sleeping like this,
and then my knee
380
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:08,649
went up into my elbow,
and my elbow hit my hand
381
00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:10,790
and it went into my mouth,
and no one hit me, okay?
382
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:13,965
I don't want to hear
any more of your whining.
383
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,209
You try this on right now,
understood?
384
00:13:23,009 --> 00:13:24,631
LOIS:
Why are you
standing here?
385
00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:26,012
You're wasting time.
386
00:13:26,046 --> 00:13:28,152
I'm not changing out here
in front of everybody.
387
00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:30,119
You know what?
I don't even need new clothes.
388
00:13:30,154 --> 00:13:31,776
I'll just live off the lost
and found at school.
389
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:32,984
It's all better
than this crap anyway.
390
00:13:33,019 --> 00:13:35,849
MALLORY:
Mom, Mom,
there you are.
391
00:13:35,884 --> 00:13:38,956
Look, it's a $200 dress
they marked down to $30.
392
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,681
Oh, my God.
This is like a dream.
393
00:13:40,716 --> 00:13:41,821
Mom, you will not
believe this.
394
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,167
I had Daisy
dig through the cabinets
395
00:13:43,201 --> 00:13:45,272
under the sales table,
and we found all this stuff
396
00:13:45,307 --> 00:13:47,136
they were saving to put out
for tomorrow.
397
00:13:47,171 --> 00:13:49,656
We've got all the
clothes we need
for the whole year.
398
00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:50,968
Good work, girls.
399
00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:53,349
Uh-oh, look who's here.
400
00:13:58,251 --> 00:13:59,873
You know, I wouldn't
be insulted if you wanted
401
00:13:59,908 --> 00:14:01,185
to go for an ice cream
with him.
402
00:14:01,219 --> 00:14:02,117
Maybe later.
403
00:14:02,151 --> 00:14:03,566
This is our
special day, Mom.
404
00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:06,086
Yeah, and we haven't even gotten
to the best part yet.
405
00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:07,950
When we help find things
for you.
406
00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:11,264
I can't really describe him.
407
00:14:11,298 --> 00:14:13,162
He was just
an average-looking guy,
408
00:14:13,197 --> 00:14:14,888
but he had
kind of crazy eyes.
409
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:15,924
Is that helpful?
410
00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:17,926
Sir, I'm so sorry.
411
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,238
I don't know what
came over me earlier.
412
00:14:20,273 --> 00:14:22,102
I'm really not
that kind of person.
413
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:25,657
I-I just think it was all
the pressure of Valentine's Day,
414
00:14:25,692 --> 00:14:28,660
and I was so upset
and irrational.
415
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:33,113
But the bottom line is that
I made a mistake and...
416
00:14:33,148 --> 00:14:35,288
grabbed the wrong bag.
417
00:14:37,704 --> 00:14:40,569
[ yelping]
418
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,991
[ yelling]
419
00:14:52,236 --> 00:14:54,272
[ sobbing]
420
00:14:54,307 --> 00:14:56,067
Oh, God...
421
00:15:06,526 --> 00:15:09,701
[ panting]
422
00:15:14,637 --> 00:15:16,156
[ screaming]
423
00:15:22,887 --> 00:15:25,717
[ shouting and clamoring]
424
00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,758
Look at him.
Yeah.
425
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,933
I assume you'll want
the same deal I had with him.
426
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,210
What are you talking about?
427
00:15:35,244 --> 00:15:36,280
Reese is as good
428
00:15:36,314 --> 00:15:38,799
as dead, at least
on the inside.
429
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,560
That puts you in charge.
430
00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:42,803
You get half my candy,
full control of the remote,
431
00:15:42,838 --> 00:15:44,771
and since I can't do
yourhomework for you,
432
00:15:44,805 --> 00:15:46,117
how about a nice warm towel
433
00:15:46,152 --> 00:15:47,567
whenever you come out
of the shower?
434
00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,189
Will you shut up?
He's going to be fine.
435
00:15:49,224 --> 00:15:51,502
Whatever you say... sir.
436
00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:53,159
Come on.
437
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,471
Hey.
438
00:15:55,506 --> 00:15:57,680
I'm sorry, I was here first.
439
00:15:57,715 --> 00:15:59,096
No, you weren't. We're next.
440
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:00,683
I'll only take a minute.
441
00:16:00,718 --> 00:16:03,307
I've only got two things
to try on.
442
00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:05,136
Lady, we've been waiting
in line for a half hour.
443
00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:06,586
We have to meet our mom.
444
00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:08,346
I'm sorry, but we're next.
445
00:16:08,381 --> 00:16:09,451
Back off, brat!
446
00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:10,797
This may be
your first sale,
447
00:16:10,831 --> 00:16:11,763
but it isn't mine!
448
00:16:11,798 --> 00:16:12,868
Let him go.
449
00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:14,145
It's our turn.
450
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:15,284
Looks like you need someone
451
00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:16,976
to teach you
to mind your elders.
452
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:20,980
You looking for a dance partner?
453
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,499
You think you can do whatever
you want, don't you?
454
00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:24,914
That people
aren't going to say
455
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:28,297
or do anything
because you're... "frail."
456
00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:29,367
Deal's off.
457
00:16:29,402 --> 00:16:31,542
All right, Reese is back.
458
00:16:31,576 --> 00:16:34,062
You want to take your teeth out
before we start this, Grandma?
459
00:16:34,096 --> 00:16:37,479
Oh, no, Reese is back.
460
00:16:38,583 --> 00:16:40,792
Hi, I'm Karen Tracy.
461
00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:42,553
I was speaking to one
of your boys earlier.
462
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:44,658
Oh, my God, I'll kill him.
463
00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:45,970
See, these kind of outbursts
464
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,937
are exactly the sort of thing
we can help you with.
465
00:16:47,972 --> 00:16:49,663
I'm with the Department
of Child Services.
466
00:16:49,698 --> 00:16:51,562
What? What are you
talking about?
467
00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:53,357
Look, we're not making
any judgments yet,
468
00:16:53,391 --> 00:16:54,530
but the department takes
469
00:16:54,565 --> 00:16:56,187
the safety of children
very seriously.
470
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:58,155
I'd like you to come in
for an evaluation.
471
00:16:58,189 --> 00:16:59,363
What's the last known
472
00:16:59,397 --> 00:17:01,399
address of the boy's father?
473
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,952
Wait a minute.
This is a mistake.
474
00:17:02,987 --> 00:17:04,781
My boys are fine.
475
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,404
It wasn't me--
somebody planted
those teeth on me.
476
00:17:07,301 --> 00:17:08,441
These your kids?
477
00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:09,820
I was just trying
to buy a slip
478
00:17:09,856 --> 00:17:11,512
and they all jumped
on me like jackals.
479
00:17:11,547 --> 00:17:12,755
MALCOLM:
She's lying.
480
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:14,204
We were just trying
to pull Reese off of her.
481
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,104
Oh, Lois, thank God I found you.
482
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:18,037
Look, we got to get
out of here before...
483
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,624
[ screaming]
484
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:23,663
Run!
485
00:17:27,115 --> 00:17:30,187
Mom, seriously,
get the lead out.
486
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,194
You must be so happy.
487
00:17:37,228 --> 00:17:39,782
You wouldn't believe
some of the families
488
00:17:39,817 --> 00:17:41,163
I have to deal with.
489
00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:42,475
Oh, girls.
490
00:17:42,509 --> 00:17:43,579
Hurry up.
491
00:17:43,614 --> 00:17:45,305
It's our turn at the register.
492
00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:47,756
I can't decide between
the peach, the melon,
or the salmon.
493
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:49,171
I just have to
get all three.
494
00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:51,277
No, honey, now you're
going to make a choice.
495
00:17:51,311 --> 00:17:53,037
Gee, Mom, if you're
going to force me
496
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,694
to wear knock-offs,
can I at least
497
00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:55,729
just get
what I want?
498
00:17:55,764 --> 00:17:56,834
Here you go, sweetie.
499
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:57,869
Here's the makeup
you wanted.
500
00:17:57,904 --> 00:17:58,905
Oh, thank you
so much, Daddy.
501
00:17:58,939 --> 00:18:00,113
Hal, what are you doing?
502
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:01,770
We said she couldn't have that.
503
00:18:01,804 --> 00:18:03,220
Well, she asked me again
504
00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:05,912
and told me that you said
it would be okay after all,
505
00:18:05,946 --> 00:18:07,707
and then, you know,
she started...
506
00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:09,743
getting all teary-eyed.
507
00:18:09,778 --> 00:18:13,644
You know, I...
I-I just... I...
508
00:18:13,678 --> 00:18:16,233
Mallory, how could you do that?
509
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:18,235
Don't worry, Mom. I won't
wear it around the house.
510
00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:20,340
I know how desperate you are
to be the prettiest.
511
00:18:25,587 --> 00:18:28,141
Mallory, I think we're all
getting a little bit frazzled.
512
00:18:28,176 --> 00:18:30,178
Why don't we
talk about this when
513
00:18:30,212 --> 00:18:31,938
we're modeling our clothes
for each other at home.
514
00:18:31,972 --> 00:18:33,250
Yeah, that's
really good, Mom,
515
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:35,700
because by that time
the buzz from
her diet pills
516
00:18:35,735 --> 00:18:36,908
will have worn off.
517
00:18:36,943 --> 00:18:38,151
Diet pills?
518
00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:39,704
I have a slow
metabolism, okay?
519
00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:42,742
And I don't burn up calories
having sex with a different boy
520
00:18:42,776 --> 00:18:44,261
every night
down by the creek.
521
00:18:44,295 --> 00:18:46,332
I thought you were
at band practice every night.
522
00:18:46,366 --> 00:18:47,540
There is no band.
523
00:18:47,574 --> 00:18:48,506
Shut up,
524
00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:49,783
flatsy patsy, you
don't know anything.
525
00:18:49,818 --> 00:18:50,922
I know you're pregnant.
526
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,822
She is lying.
That is ridiculous.
527
00:18:53,856 --> 00:18:55,375
I am not pregnant,
because I know
528
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:57,446
that sex is wrong
and immoral and fun.
529
00:18:57,481 --> 00:18:58,551
No, wait...
530
00:18:58,585 --> 00:18:59,759
It's all right, Renee.
531
00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,036
It's good
that they know.
532
00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,626
I'm ready for
teenage marriage.
533
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:05,765
It'll be awesome.
534
00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:06,904
He's the father?
535
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:07,939
You only slept with him
536
00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:09,424
because you knew
that I liked him!
537
00:19:09,458 --> 00:19:11,702
Maybe you should have asked
to use my hair brush first.
538
00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:14,429
[ shouting]
539
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,676
Girls, please, can you just...?
540
00:19:20,711 --> 00:19:22,851
Girls, don't do this.
541
00:19:22,885 --> 00:19:24,059
You're supposed
to be easy.
542
00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:25,405
No, Mom,
you're easy.
543
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,027
DAISY:
We can fool you
about anything.
544
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:29,271
We're girls.
We know how you think.
545
00:19:29,306 --> 00:19:31,204
And we're not above using it.
546
00:19:31,239 --> 00:19:33,517
FRANCIS:
Mom, Dad, hi.
547
00:19:36,244 --> 00:19:37,590
Francis,
what are you doing here?
548
00:19:37,624 --> 00:19:39,350
You're supposed to be
away at college.
549
00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:41,594
I dropped out,
but don't worry, I'm working.
550
00:19:41,628 --> 00:19:43,699
At the new Hooters
out by the lumberyard.
551
00:19:43,734 --> 00:19:44,735
With tips I can
552
00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:45,701
pay rent on the trailer
553
00:19:45,736 --> 00:19:47,151
and still keep
my husband in beer.
554
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,428
Hey, got to go.
555
00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:49,809
Cockfight starts
in half an hour.
556
00:19:49,843 --> 00:19:51,811
You still got to load
the cages into my pickup.
557
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,847
Uh, you know, you could
talk to my daughter...
558
00:19:53,882 --> 00:19:54,883
Leave him alone.
559
00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:55,918
You never like
560
00:19:55,953 --> 00:19:57,196
any of my husbands.
561
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,611
You've always tried
to come between us,
562
00:19:58,645 --> 00:20:00,302
and that's why I hate you!
563
00:20:00,337 --> 00:20:01,959
Ever since you lost
all that weight,
564
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,063
nothing is ever
good enough for you.
565
00:20:03,098 --> 00:20:05,100
[ shouting]
566
00:20:05,134 --> 00:20:07,447
This isn't right.
567
00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:10,588
Girls don't do these things.
568
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,694
Girls are nicer.
569
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:14,937
Girls are better.
570
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:16,042
Oh, come off it.
571
00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:17,285
Who do you think
made us this way?
572
00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:19,390
It's all your fault.
573
00:20:19,425 --> 00:20:21,703
[ shouting]
574
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:29,883
Honey, come on, you can do it.
575
00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:32,161
It's just another 300 yards
after Señor Jelly Bean's.
576
00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:33,715
Trust me, Hal.
There's no escape.
577
00:20:33,749 --> 00:20:35,993
There's no escape
no matter what.
578
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:43,966
Happy Valentine's Day,
honey.
579
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,175
It finally came
to me last night.
580
00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,729
The perfect gift.
581
00:20:47,763 --> 00:20:50,283
And I know you'll love it
because it's not for you.
582
00:20:53,631 --> 00:20:55,599
Thank you, Hal. It's perfect.
583
00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:57,394
Come on, Dad,
let's go.
584
00:20:57,428 --> 00:20:58,705
Oh, I get Malcolm.
585
00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:00,707
Wait, we almost
forgot the thing.
586
00:21:03,503 --> 00:21:05,333
Happy Valentine's
Day, Mom.
587
00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:06,368
Yeah, happy
Valentine's Day.
588
00:21:06,403 --> 00:21:07,921
We saved you
the coconut ones
589
00:21:07,956 --> 00:21:08,784
'cause we know
they're you're favorite.
590
00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:11,442
Thank you, boys. I love it.
591
00:21:12,409 --> 00:21:14,100
See you
in a bit.
592
00:21:18,346 --> 00:21:21,176
I hope you're a girl.
38416
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