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1
00:00:09,078 --> 00:00:11,494
Hey, Mom, I grew an inch!
2
00:00:11,528 --> 00:00:14,221
♪ Life is unfair...
3
00:00:17,086 --> 00:00:19,881
Stevie, come on.
That's ten in a row.
4
00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,987
I'm sick... of this.
5
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,264
It's important!
6
00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:24,852
I worked my butt off
to make the JV team.
7
00:00:24,886 --> 00:00:26,164
I got to stay sharp.
8
00:00:26,198 --> 00:00:27,820
Could you at least
tryto block it?
9
00:00:33,205 --> 00:00:34,379
Still too easy.
10
00:00:34,413 --> 00:00:36,622
Can I put you
on a ladder?
11
00:00:36,657 --> 00:00:37,692
Come back, please!
12
00:00:37,727 --> 00:00:39,073
I'll find us a ride!
13
00:00:39,108 --> 00:00:41,524
Those concert tickets
cost me $40 each.
14
00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:42,939
That's two times 40.
15
00:00:42,973 --> 00:00:45,873
Divide that in two,
and it's $40 a ticket!
16
00:00:45,907 --> 00:00:47,668
But it's not my fault
I can't drive us.
17
00:00:47,702 --> 00:00:49,773
You're the one who had
his license taken away!
18
00:00:49,808 --> 00:00:51,327
Because my public defender
19
00:00:51,361 --> 00:00:53,743
wouldn't even try
the insanity defense.
20
00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:55,331
Well, you better
think of something,
21
00:00:55,365 --> 00:00:56,815
because if we
can't get there,
22
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:58,955
then we're not going!
23
00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:03,339
Don't ever date
anyone smarter than you.
24
00:01:03,373 --> 00:01:04,305
Okay, break's over.
25
00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:05,306
Let's get back to work.
26
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,307
You take it out.
27
00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:07,584
I want to work
on my defense.
28
00:01:07,619 --> 00:01:08,999
And this time,
don't just sit there.
29
00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:10,277
Try to move
the ball around.
30
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,592
My... bad.
31
00:01:15,627 --> 00:01:17,698
I'm sorry. I know
I'm being a little crazy,
32
00:01:17,732 --> 00:01:19,217
but for the first time
in my life,
33
00:01:19,251 --> 00:01:20,735
I'm actually good
at something
34
00:01:20,770 --> 00:01:22,116
that normal people
care about.
35
00:01:22,151 --> 00:01:24,153
Being on the team
is the best thing
36
00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:26,534
that's ever happened to me
and I don't want to screw it up.
37
00:01:26,569 --> 00:01:28,364
All I'm saying is
that if we want to win,
38
00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:29,779
which I think we do,
39
00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:31,643
it seems to me we should
be using an offense
40
00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:33,714
that has a remote chance
of actually working.
41
00:01:33,748 --> 00:01:35,647
I can't be the only one here
who thinks
42
00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:38,098
there's something deeply flawed
with your game plan.
43
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,479
I think if you thought about it
for just a second,
44
00:01:40,514 --> 00:01:43,103
you'd realize you need
to make some changes.
45
00:01:44,207 --> 00:01:45,933
What the hell is wrong with me?!
46
00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:47,762
Why can't I just learn
to shut up?
47
00:01:47,797 --> 00:01:50,627
We're... the same.
48
00:01:51,283 --> 00:01:53,251
We speak...
49
00:01:53,285 --> 00:01:56,806
before... we think.
50
00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,946
LOIS:
Malcolm!
51
00:01:58,980 --> 00:02:02,225
How many times do I have to tell
you to hang up your wet towel
52
00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:03,468
after you've used it?!
53
00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:04,607
Is that so hard?
54
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:05,918
Because if it is,
55
00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:07,161
maybe we should just
take your towel away.
56
00:02:07,196 --> 00:02:08,714
And the next time
you take a shower,
57
00:02:08,749 --> 00:02:10,544
you can run around the backyard
until you dry.
58
00:02:10,578 --> 00:02:14,237
Gee, Mom, wouldn't the front
yard be more humiliating?
59
00:02:14,272 --> 00:02:15,997
Sorry.
60
00:02:16,032 --> 00:02:17,309
And I don't want any...
61
00:02:17,344 --> 00:02:18,310
What did you say?
62
00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:19,380
I'm sorry.
63
00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,969
Yes. Well...
64
00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:24,799
I can see you boys
are studying,
65
00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:27,630
so maybe this isn't the best
time to deal with this.
66
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:32,635
Do you want any sodas
or anything?
67
00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:37,640
You're sure you like
your birthday present?
68
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:38,951
Dad, the boots are perfect.
69
00:02:38,986 --> 00:02:40,677
They're just what I wanted.Listen,
70
00:02:40,712 --> 00:02:42,679
they were really expensive,
so take good care of them, okay?
71
00:02:42,714 --> 00:02:44,094
I will. Don't worry about it.
72
00:02:44,129 --> 00:02:46,269
Thanks again, Dad.
73
00:02:46,304 --> 00:02:47,236
[sighs]
74
00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:49,514
What the hell
are you doing?
75
00:02:49,548 --> 00:02:51,240
Piama, this is an
old cowboy trick.
76
00:02:51,274 --> 00:02:52,827
You soak your
boots in water,
77
00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:55,140
and you don't take them off,
even for a minute,
78
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,728
until they are
completely dry,
79
00:02:56,762 --> 00:02:58,281
even if it takes days.
80
00:02:58,316 --> 00:03:00,490
And when you're done,
they fit like a glove.
81
00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:01,940
I know it
seems drastic,
82
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,631
but believe me,
I know what I'm doing.
83
00:03:03,666 --> 00:03:05,944
Those are $300 boots
you just ruined.
84
00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:07,325
I didn't ruin
anything.
85
00:03:07,359 --> 00:03:09,119
This is what you're
supposed to do!
86
00:03:09,154 --> 00:03:11,018
You're going to have
to trust me on this.
87
00:03:11,052 --> 00:03:15,160
Why do you always talk to me
like I'm an idiot?
88
00:03:18,059 --> 00:03:20,407
"...and everyone
but the rabbit
89
00:03:20,441 --> 00:03:22,340
lived happily ever after."
90
00:03:22,374 --> 00:03:24,169
And the moral
of that fable, son,
91
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,275
is that turtles
are pathological liars
92
00:03:26,309 --> 00:03:28,035
who won't give you their gold.
93
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:29,519
Got it.
94
00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:37,355
♪
95
00:03:46,881 --> 00:03:48,987
Dad?
96
00:03:57,754 --> 00:04:01,827
It's like watching the gods
return to Olympus.
97
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:04,278
Oh, uh, hello...
excuse me...
98
00:04:04,313 --> 00:04:06,349
Hey! What is
this called?
99
00:04:06,384 --> 00:04:08,006
We're racewalking.
100
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,008
I've never seen anything
like it.
101
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,665
The... the style, the grace.
102
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:14,115
Well, it's not
all just about looking good.
103
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:17,360
It's the best low-impact
aerobic exercise ever invented,
104
00:04:17,394 --> 00:04:19,673
despite what you hear
from all those Tai-Chi punks.
105
00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:21,329
Yeah, but how
do you do it?
106
00:04:21,363 --> 00:04:24,091
Well, the International
Racewalking Federation specifies
107
00:04:24,125 --> 00:04:26,266
you must have one foot
on the ground at all times.
108
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,577
But...
109
00:04:27,612 --> 00:04:28,854
And your front leg
must remain straight
110
00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:29,821
until it's completely under you.
111
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:32,306
Something
like this?
112
00:04:32,341 --> 00:04:34,377
Hey! I think you've got it!
113
00:04:34,412 --> 00:04:37,277
Look at that, guys. I think
we got ourselves a natural!
114
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,278
[giggles]
115
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,728
[all cheering]
Wow!
116
00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:41,729
Look at me!
117
00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:44,663
I can walk!
Yeah!
118
00:04:44,698 --> 00:04:46,009
NICKI:
So then what happens is
119
00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:47,666
I'm sitting there
eating my lunch when
120
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,599
Carla comes up to me and
she's completely furious at me
121
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:50,945
because Cody dumped her.
122
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:52,361
I mean, yeah, I'm the
one who set then up,
123
00:04:52,395 --> 00:04:54,673
but does that make it
my responsibility?
124
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:55,881
Why are you asking me?
125
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:59,333
I don't even know these people.
126
00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:01,335
I know, I know.
I can see her side, too,
127
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:03,579
but she was completely
screaming at me.
128
00:05:03,613 --> 00:05:05,857
And now I feel bad
because she was crying,
129
00:05:05,891 --> 00:05:07,134
and I just kept thinking,
130
00:05:07,168 --> 00:05:09,309
"Did I do something
so totally wrong?"
131
00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,758
I honestly don't care.
132
00:05:10,793 --> 00:05:12,691
My parents are going
to be home any minute.
133
00:05:12,726 --> 00:05:15,453
Can weplease start making out
while we still have time?
134
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,352
Uh-uh.
135
00:05:18,387 --> 00:05:20,043
Oh, Malcolm, thank you so much.
136
00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:21,459
I'm so lucky to have you.
137
00:05:21,493 --> 00:05:22,977
You make me feel so good.
138
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:24,876
Wow, this is fantastic.
139
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,534
I'm never going to say
what's on my mind ever again.
140
00:05:27,568 --> 00:05:29,743
All I have to do
is keep my mouth shut.
141
00:05:29,777 --> 00:05:32,159
Just not say a word and let her do all the talking and...
142
00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:33,747
Dad, please.
143
00:05:33,781 --> 00:05:35,576
The concert's Saturday night.
I need a ride!
144
00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:37,337
Reese, no!
145
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,615
Your mom has to work
and my car's in the shop.
146
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:42,065
You'll just have to
find someone else.
147
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,135
Are my hips even?
148
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,896
Watch my butt
while I walk.
149
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,001
Dad, I swear to God,
150
00:05:47,036 --> 00:05:49,556
if you don't drive me,
I will leave home forever!
151
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:52,421
Or I'll never leave--
whatever's worse.
152
00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:55,044
It's your choice, pal.
153
00:05:56,114 --> 00:05:57,943
I think you're
going to like this.
154
00:05:57,978 --> 00:05:59,980
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
155
00:06:00,014 --> 00:06:01,326
I put it in my mouth,
156
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,052
your toenail
clippings are in it,
157
00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:05,744
I spit it out, and you've
got it all on video.
158
00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:06,814
It's been done.
159
00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:08,333
I am so sorry about that.
160
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,784
But we've both grown up
a lot since then,
161
00:06:10,818 --> 00:06:13,856
and I have a proposal I think
you might find interesting.
162
00:06:15,444 --> 00:06:18,032
It's still warm.
163
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:20,483
Now, I know
a hip guy like you
164
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:22,451
keeps up with
the current music scene.
165
00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:24,004
It's awfully short notice
166
00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:26,006
and you're probably
not even available.
167
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,318
What are you
talking about?
168
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:30,666
There's a concert
this Saturday,
169
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:33,358
and Alison and I were wondering
if you'd like to go.
170
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,499
You want meto go to
a concert with you?
171
00:06:36,534 --> 00:06:38,812
Yeah, pretty much.
But the real fun part
172
00:06:38,846 --> 00:06:40,952
is the drive there
and the drive back.
173
00:06:40,986 --> 00:06:42,850
But I don't have
to tell you, right?
174
00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:44,818
I mean, look who
I'm talking to--
175
00:06:44,852 --> 00:06:47,061
a single, middle-aged guy
with a cat?
176
00:06:47,096 --> 00:06:49,098
You know all about
the dating scene.
177
00:06:49,132 --> 00:06:51,341
Well, sure, that's
my rep, but...
178
00:06:51,376 --> 00:06:52,929
I mean, it's not
like you're even excited
179
00:06:52,964 --> 00:06:54,344
to go out on a realdate.
180
00:06:54,379 --> 00:06:55,622
It's not
like it's something
181
00:06:55,656 --> 00:06:57,037
that you'd be bragging
about for weeks...
182
00:06:57,071 --> 00:06:58,487
[laughs]: Of course not.
I mean, who cares?
183
00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,454
But... if people
were to ask,
184
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:03,008
I'm not forbidden
to tell them, am I?
185
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:05,459
Not at all.
This is going to be great.
186
00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:07,219
And you say I can
tell people, right?
187
00:07:08,842 --> 00:07:11,223
Hello, everybody!
188
00:07:11,258 --> 00:07:13,640
Hey, Hal!Hey, it's "The Natural!"
189
00:07:13,674 --> 00:07:15,400
I have to tell you, Hal,
I've never seen anybody
190
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,712
take to the sport
as fast as you.
191
00:07:16,746 --> 00:07:18,127
What's it been,
three days?
192
00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:20,094
Already, you're
better than I am.
193
00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:22,338
Now, now, it's not
about the competition.
194
00:07:22,372 --> 00:07:24,892
I mean, it's not a race, right?
195
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:26,238
ALL:
Whoa!
196
00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:32,555
It's only a matter of time
till we're surrounded.
197
00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:34,695
Now, we've got to get word
to Allied Command,
198
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:36,490
but any radio messages
will be intercepted.
199
00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:37,664
You think I don't know that?
200
00:07:37,698 --> 00:07:38,803
I've sent
201
00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:40,287
for our secret weapon.
202
00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:45,395
[panting]
203
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,225
You called for me, sir?
204
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,640
Corporal.
I don't need to tell you
205
00:07:48,675 --> 00:07:50,884
the fate of the entire
free world
206
00:07:50,918 --> 00:07:53,334
depends on you
delivering this message
207
00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:55,198
to Allied Command by morning.
208
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:57,822
My God, that's 60 miles away.
209
00:07:57,856 --> 00:08:00,203
I'll say hello to
the boys at HQ for you
210
00:08:00,238 --> 00:08:02,412
over waffles, sir.
211
00:08:06,451 --> 00:08:10,248
Let's just thank God
he's on our side.
212
00:08:11,387 --> 00:08:14,632
Oh, my God,
it's Wheeler.
213
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,222
He must be back
from the Nationals.
214
00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,333
On your left.
215
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:28,404
On your left![yelps]
216
00:08:29,439 --> 00:08:31,580
On your right!
On your left!
217
00:08:31,614 --> 00:08:32,788
On your right!
218
00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:34,962
[yelps]
219
00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:43,143
Okay, just be cool.
220
00:08:43,177 --> 00:08:45,455
No matter what he says,
don't say anything.
221
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,285
How much simpler
can it get?!
222
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,943
You pass, pass, pass,
dribble, dribble, pass,
223
00:08:49,977 --> 00:08:51,323
dribble, pass, shoot!
224
00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:53,912
Um, excuse me, Coach.
225
00:08:53,947 --> 00:08:57,398
Well, well, well...
look who's here.
226
00:08:57,433 --> 00:09:00,298
Coach, I'd like to apologize
for the other day.
227
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,576
I'd like to get
back on the team.
228
00:09:02,611 --> 00:09:05,786
So, you'd like to apologize
and get back on the team?
229
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:08,133
I think I just said that, yes.
230
00:09:09,065 --> 00:09:11,171
Do you know what this is?
231
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,554
A symbol of my authority.
232
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:18,454
They don't just hand these
whistles out to just anybody.
233
00:09:18,488 --> 00:09:20,767
It means that I'm in charge.
234
00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:22,976
I call the plays. Understood?
235
00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:26,980
Yeah. It's amagic whistle
that makes you all-powerful.
236
00:09:28,844 --> 00:09:30,155
All right.
237
00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,571
You're back on the team.
238
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:40,165
[panting]
239
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,442
Time!
240
00:09:41,477 --> 00:09:43,755
25 minutes
and 43.2 seconds.
241
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:44,894
Damn!
242
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:46,344
Are you sure you
started it exactly
243
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,001
when I called
you from work?
244
00:09:48,035 --> 00:09:49,796
Yes. Do you want me
to lie to you?
245
00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:52,488
All right, go ahead
and log in the time, son.
246
00:09:52,522 --> 00:09:54,145
Hey, look, Malcolm, come here.
247
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:55,836
I need you to help me
make sense of all these times.
248
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,631
Now, these are
the last three days.
249
00:09:57,666 --> 00:09:59,599
Some of these are with the cap,
some without.
250
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,359
Some with bike shorts,
some without; one with both,
251
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,636
one in just my pajamas.
252
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,258
So you can whip up
253
00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:06,191
some kind of scientific analysis
of all this, right?
254
00:10:06,226 --> 00:10:10,126
Sure, I've only got better to
do with the rest of my life.
255
00:10:10,161 --> 00:10:11,196
Okay.
256
00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:13,509
You're a good son.
257
00:10:13,543 --> 00:10:15,994
By the way, how much
allowance are we giving you?
258
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:18,376
What family do you live in?
259
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,033
Nothing, why?
260
00:10:20,067 --> 00:10:22,552
Well, how does five bucks
a week sound?
261
00:10:22,587 --> 00:10:24,485
Great.
Hey!
[yells]
262
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,005
Dewey, he's older, and he
doesn't give me as much malarkey
263
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,973
when I ask him for a favor.
264
00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,285
Are you biting
your nails again?
265
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,321
Those look horrible.
266
00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:34,564
No. They're fine.
267
00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:37,222
[doorbell ringing]
268
00:10:37,257 --> 00:10:39,017
Look, I've only
got two minutes.
269
00:10:39,052 --> 00:10:41,675
A woman thinks I'm looking in
the stock room for a humidifier.
270
00:10:41,710 --> 00:10:43,539
Now, I want you
to listen to this tape
271
00:10:43,573 --> 00:10:45,127
and tell me whether
you think it's better
272
00:10:45,161 --> 00:10:48,371
to go ELO-Kansas-Doobies
or Doobies-Kansas-ELO.
273
00:10:48,406 --> 00:10:50,028
I'm not telling you
which one I'm voting for.
274
00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:51,167
What are you
talking about?
275
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:53,066
The mix tape! For our date!
276
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,827
Didn't you get my e-mails
or phone messages
277
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,484
or the notes I left
under your door?
278
00:10:57,518 --> 00:10:59,037
No, I have a lot of homework
to do during the week,
279
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:00,901
and I can't
really spend...
280
00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:02,489
Look, just listen
to it tonight
281
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,525
and get back to me with
your top four choices.
282
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,562
Now, what do you
think for a shirt?
283
00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:08,150
I like the blue,
but I'm worried
284
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:10,324
the open-collar look
is a bit racy.
285
00:11:10,359 --> 00:11:11,912
You don't have
any pants on!
286
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:13,569
That's what these are for.
287
00:11:13,603 --> 00:11:15,329
I want you to pick your
favorites separately,
288
00:11:15,364 --> 00:11:16,848
then we'll decide
what goes together.
289
00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:19,437
Whatever.
[giggles]
290
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:23,372
I am going to call you
a million times before Saturday.
291
00:11:23,406 --> 00:11:25,374
I haven't been this
excited in years.
292
00:11:25,408 --> 00:11:27,825
Now I know why people
look forward to weekends.
293
00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:29,689
[giggles]
294
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,621
[alarm clock blares]
295
00:11:31,656 --> 00:11:33,416
♪
296
00:11:39,871 --> 00:11:41,942
[humming]
297
00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:08,141
♪
298
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:30,577
[exhaling sharply]
299
00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:43,176
[chuckles]:
Oh, please.
300
00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:48,250
[gasping]
301
00:12:50,079 --> 00:12:51,667
[grunts]
302
00:12:58,260 --> 00:12:59,813
You know, you're not finished
303
00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:01,953
till you put those away
and wipe down the counters.
304
00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:03,437
Why don't I buff the floor
305
00:13:03,472 --> 00:13:05,336
and lick your shoes
while I'm at it?!
306
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:06,544
Yes, ma'am.
307
00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:09,685
Look at me.
308
00:13:09,719 --> 00:13:12,101
Are you on drugs?What?
309
00:13:12,136 --> 00:13:13,447
You've been acting
really strange lately,
310
00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:15,277
and I want to know
what's going on.
311
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:17,417
Well, apparently no one
in this house can tolerate it
312
00:13:17,451 --> 00:13:19,971
when someone's
actually being pleasant!
313
00:13:20,006 --> 00:13:21,283
Nothing.
314
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:22,663
Nothing?
315
00:13:22,698 --> 00:13:24,458
So, everything's fine,
everything's normal,
316
00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:26,633
you're not acting any different,
and I'm just crazy.
317
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,531
She's begging for it! Nail her!
318
00:13:28,566 --> 00:13:30,430
I'm fine, really.
319
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,328
Well, you're looking
a little tired.
320
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:33,916
Why don't you let me finish up?
321
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,987
All right.
322
00:13:38,887 --> 00:13:42,442
Dad, please,
it's been three hours.
323
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:44,202
Come on, Wheeler,
324
00:13:44,237 --> 00:13:45,272
give me something.
325
00:13:45,307 --> 00:13:46,377
What's your secret?
326
00:13:46,411 --> 00:13:48,103
You're starting
to ruin TV for me.
327
00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:50,726
I study your moves,
I copy your techniques,
328
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,212
but somehow you continue
to blowme out of the water.
329
00:13:54,247 --> 00:13:55,869
Why?! How?!
330
00:13:55,904 --> 00:13:57,698
Maybe he's just
better than you.
331
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:59,562
Have you ever
thought of that?
332
00:13:59,597 --> 00:14:00,770
Billy Vargas can spit
333
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:03,394
ten feet further than I can.
334
00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:04,982
I accept that.
335
00:14:05,016 --> 00:14:07,191
Why can't you?
336
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,641
Oh, Dewey, maybe
you're right.
337
00:14:09,676 --> 00:14:12,299
Maybe God didn't put me on
this Earth to beat this guy.
338
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:13,335
I mean, look at him.
339
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:14,888
Perfect posture,
340
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:17,511
great hip rotation, his...
341
00:14:17,546 --> 00:14:19,582
Wait a minute.
342
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,033
Both feet off the ground
343
00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:24,001
at the same time!
344
00:14:24,035 --> 00:14:27,521
Dewey, do you see that?!
345
00:14:27,556 --> 00:14:29,109
That's air.
346
00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:31,353
That... that's air!
347
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:32,699
That's it!
348
00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:34,494
I'm going to go read a book!
349
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:37,255
I hope you're happy!
350
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:40,500
Now, since Jeanette got the
T-shirt from my last 50K,
351
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:43,744
I think it's only fair to
give you girls my socks.
352
00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:44,918
[both gasp]
353
00:14:44,953 --> 00:14:46,092
Oh, my God!
354
00:14:46,126 --> 00:14:47,507
Sorry to interrupt, Wheeler,
355
00:14:47,541 --> 00:14:48,888
but I thought
we could have a little race.
356
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,407
Apparently, this man's
a lot like you girls--
357
00:14:51,442 --> 00:14:53,858
you all can't get enough
of looking at my backside.
358
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,928
[laughter]
359
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,241
This shouldn't
take long.
360
00:14:57,275 --> 00:14:59,174
Oh, and just
one more thing.
361
00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,970
This time,
just to be different, let's...
362
00:15:02,004 --> 00:15:03,764
walk.
363
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:05,870
What are you talking about?
364
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,320
You thought
no one would discover
365
00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:08,908
your dirty little secret,
didn't you?
366
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,219
That clever little
367
00:15:10,254 --> 00:15:11,738
flail of the wrist
every four steps,
368
00:15:11,772 --> 00:15:12,946
masking the hop.
369
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:14,879
[crowd gasps]
370
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,398
But you can't fool the tape.
371
00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:18,538
The tape sees all,
and I see the tape.
372
00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:20,229
You are not a racewalker
at all.
373
00:15:20,264 --> 00:15:22,231
You're nothing
but a common jogger.
374
00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:23,957
[crowd gasps]
375
00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:26,270
That is so rid...
376
00:15:26,304 --> 00:15:28,720
Don't worry.
377
00:15:28,755 --> 00:15:29,859
He won't get far.
378
00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:32,793
[crowd cheering]
379
00:15:32,828 --> 00:15:35,624
One-two-three, there!
One-two-three, there!
380
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:37,488
One-two-three, there!
381
00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:46,600
[screaming]
382
00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:48,982
[screaming]
383
00:15:56,679 --> 00:15:58,509
[screaming]
384
00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:05,412
[grunting]
385
00:16:11,315 --> 00:16:12,902
So, then, when I was 13,
386
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:15,905
I got my first velour shirt,
and everything changed.
387
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,839
Suddenly, there was an opening
in the astronomy club.
388
00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:21,394
People started sitting
on my side of the bus.
389
00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:23,292
But I'm a Libra,
so I like to think
390
00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:24,638
the best of people.
391
00:16:24,673 --> 00:16:26,433
So, Craig, I was telling Alison
392
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:28,642
how well you focus
on your driving.
393
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:30,230
No, you were
just telling me
394
00:16:30,265 --> 00:16:31,956
that if I really loved you,
I'd let you get under my...
395
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,200
So, you guys like
to take long walks on the beach?
396
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:35,925
I sure do.
397
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,066
Plus, I'm a grand master
at Battleship.
398
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,309
I've got the hat
if you'd like to see it.
399
00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:43,278
So, Ali, do you have any
brothers or sisters?
400
00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:45,659
What do you think
you're doing?!
401
00:16:45,694 --> 00:16:47,282
You don't talk to me.
You just start kissing?
402
00:16:47,316 --> 00:16:48,904
I am a person,
and I deserve
403
00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:51,286
some conversation
and some of the social niceties
404
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,839
before the kissing starts.
405
00:16:52,873 --> 00:16:54,530
You know what, I was okay
when he pulled over twice
406
00:16:54,565 --> 00:16:56,049
to change his shirt,
but I really don't think
407
00:16:56,084 --> 00:16:57,326
he should be yelling at me.
408
00:16:57,361 --> 00:16:59,052
Okay, don't freak out.
I can handle this.
409
00:16:59,087 --> 00:17:00,985
My family kind
of owns him.
410
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,263
You know, Craig, another
thing girls really like
411
00:17:04,299 --> 00:17:06,094
is the strong,
silent type.
412
00:17:06,127 --> 00:17:08,819
Craig, Craig,
you just passed the concert!
413
00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,098
Oh, no, I don't think so.
414
00:17:10,132 --> 00:17:12,031
But there was a sign,
and it had an arrow,
415
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,654
and we're supposed
to follow the pointy end!
416
00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:15,862
Oh, come on.
417
00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,691
There's other fun things
we can do.
418
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,659
I thought we'd start
with a hayride,
419
00:17:19,693 --> 00:17:21,108
and then a light
dinner at Cicero's.
420
00:17:21,143 --> 00:17:22,489
I've already tipped
the violinist
421
00:17:22,523 --> 00:17:24,112
to drop by our table,
for the lady.
422
00:17:24,146 --> 00:17:26,079
Then I thought
we'd cap off the evening
423
00:17:26,114 --> 00:17:28,185
with a nice, romantic bonfire
at the lake.
424
00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:30,877
Craig, you are
ruining our date!
425
00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:32,499
[tires screech]
426
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:33,707
Now, listen here!
427
00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:35,088
Do you know how long
428
00:17:35,123 --> 00:17:36,986
I have dreamed
and planned for this night?
429
00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:39,058
34 years!
430
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,612
And I am not going to let
you little brats ruin it!
431
00:17:41,646 --> 00:17:45,133
We are going to have a hayride
and dinner and a bonfire,
432
00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:47,652
and this is going
to be a magical evening
433
00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:50,069
that will live
in our hearts forever!
434
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,691
What's that
on your glasses?
435
00:17:51,725 --> 00:17:53,313
What?
436
00:17:53,348 --> 00:17:54,866
[screaming]
437
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:56,144
Oh, my God!
438
00:17:56,178 --> 00:17:59,492
Reese, you said
she'd be nice to me!
439
00:17:59,526 --> 00:18:02,495
You said she'd like me!
[sobbing]
440
00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,876
Yeah, let's ditch this loser.
441
00:18:04,911 --> 00:18:06,154
Okay, okay.
442
00:18:06,188 --> 00:18:07,362
See you at school.
443
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:10,089
CRAIG [sobbing]:
Why?
444
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,331
Well, as you can see,
445
00:18:11,366 --> 00:18:13,161
Miss Doubting Piama,
it may have taken
446
00:18:13,195 --> 00:18:15,335
days and days
of wearing sopping wet boots,
447
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:19,028
but they are now snug, supple
and perfectly form-fitting.
448
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,306
You were right, honey.
449
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,928
Which would also make you...
450
00:18:21,962 --> 00:18:23,205
Mistaken.
451
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,689
You know, I could
452
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:27,658
push for a more abject admission
of your wrongness,
453
00:18:27,692 --> 00:18:29,901
but I'm going
to be a bigger man.
454
00:18:29,936 --> 00:18:31,179
With better boots.
455
00:18:31,213 --> 00:18:33,042
Call me
when you get tired of this.
456
00:18:33,077 --> 00:18:34,768
Could be late.
457
00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:36,425
[door closes]
458
00:18:39,428 --> 00:18:41,120
Oh...!
459
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,850
If I hold out for a few days,
460
00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,957
maybe the fungus
will eat the mushrooms.
461
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:54,029
How can we be losing
to a team
462
00:18:54,063 --> 00:18:56,273
that hasn't won a game
in three years?!
463
00:18:56,307 --> 00:18:58,861
Maybe because
you're a complete moron!
464
00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:00,208
You know I can shoot!
465
00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:01,795
Why won't you put me in?!
466
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:03,176
For God's sake,
that's it.
467
00:19:03,211 --> 00:19:04,384
Time-out!
468
00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:06,386
All right,
everybody up, come on!
469
00:19:06,421 --> 00:19:07,525
All right,
470
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,975
you yo-yos.
471
00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:10,908
Do you want to know why
we can't beat this team?
472
00:19:10,942 --> 00:19:13,152
Because you're
not letting anyone shoot!
473
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,395
We're just passing the ball
back and forth!
474
00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:17,052
Nobody on this team
has any heart.
475
00:19:17,086 --> 00:19:18,778
Not a man.
476
00:19:18,812 --> 00:19:21,229
You know, when the Allies
first hit the beach at Iwo Jima,
477
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:23,955
they didn't have better weapons
than the Germans.
478
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,372
They had something more
than firepower.
479
00:19:26,406 --> 00:19:28,960
Have you completely
lost your mind?!
480
00:19:28,995 --> 00:19:30,169
Put me in!
481
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:34,552
Let me shoot... the... ball!
482
00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,244
Not one of you
has been able to forget
483
00:19:36,278 --> 00:19:39,212
about the water in your boots,
or the sand in your mess kit
484
00:19:39,247 --> 00:19:42,250
long enough to focus on
the success of the entire unit!
485
00:19:42,284 --> 00:19:44,873
[distorted]: Tell him to shut up
and put you in.
486
00:19:44,907 --> 00:19:46,978
Tell him, tell him!
487
00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:50,430
Malcolm... do you think
youcan follow my game plan?
488
00:19:50,465 --> 00:19:52,329
No, because
you're a freakin' idiot.
489
00:19:52,363 --> 00:19:53,985
I hate you.
490
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:56,505
I want to kill you and dance
on your shallow grave.
491
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,438
That's my game plan.
492
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:01,338
All right, get in there.
493
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:02,960
Thanks.
494
00:20:07,551 --> 00:20:09,242
A peptic ulcer?
495
00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:11,313
How did you manage
to get a peptic ulcer?
496
00:20:11,348 --> 00:20:13,488
The doctor said you
have the stomach lining
497
00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:15,490
of a 60-year-old air
traffic controller.
498
00:20:15,524 --> 00:20:17,250
You are a teenager,
for God's sake.
499
00:20:17,285 --> 00:20:19,287
What do you have
to be stressed about?!
500
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,429
For your information,
501
00:20:23,463 --> 00:20:25,327
I just spent the past
three hours on a gurney
502
00:20:25,362 --> 00:20:27,191
next to a guy
who is still trying to smoke
503
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,434
out of the hole in his neck.
504
00:20:28,468 --> 00:20:30,781
And the jackass
who put in this I.V.
505
00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:33,024
couldn't find a vein
with two hands and a flashlight!
506
00:20:33,059 --> 00:20:34,716
My call button
doesn't work!
507
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,165
These stupid sheets
are itchy.
508
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,857
There's only one channel
on the TV.
509
00:20:37,891 --> 00:20:39,721
And what's this
about a bedpan?!
510
00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:43,518
This is great, isn't it?
511
00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:45,209
Alison's nice,
but I have to say
512
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,211
I think a date's better
with just two people.
513
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,213
Can we stop calling this a date?
514
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,697
Well, whatever it is,
515
00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,803
I can't wait to see the look
on my neighbor's face
516
00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:54,977
when I come strolling
home after 11:00.
517
00:20:55,012 --> 00:20:57,842
Eat your heart out,
Mrs. Klevesahl.
518
00:20:57,877 --> 00:20:59,430
I think I just missed my curfew.
519
00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:01,881
There are no curfews
on a night like tonight.
520
00:21:01,915 --> 00:21:03,262
[playing chords]
521
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,544
♪ Here I am,
the one that you love ♪
522
00:21:09,578 --> 00:21:13,789
♪ Asking for another day
523
00:21:13,824 --> 00:21:17,655
♪ Understand
the one that you love ♪
524
00:21:17,690 --> 00:21:19,692
♪ Loves you in so many ways...
35162
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