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1
00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,308
WOMAN [over TV]:
And what do you think, Scott?
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,006
[TV continues quietly]
3
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,987
Give Reese a slice
from the fuzzy side,
4
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,423
and I didn't see a thing.
5
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,424
Deal.
6
00:00:33,468 --> 00:00:37,254
♪ Yes, no, maybe
7
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,517
♪ I don't know
8
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:42,781
♪ Can you repeat the question?
9
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,088
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
10
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,090
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
11
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:49,005
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
12
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,008
♪ And you're not so big
13
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,315
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:56,360
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
15
00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:59,146
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,887
♪ And you're not so big
17
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:05,413
♪ Life is unfair.
18
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,199
That laptop is so sweet.
19
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:10,896
I can't believe
you're already upgrading it.
20
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,290
Are you sure your dad will
sell it to me for 300 bucks?
21
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:16,163
Minus my...
ten percent.
22
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,382
Six months of tutoring kids
23
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,602
who won't even take off
their football helmets.
24
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:21,472
Once I get
25
00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:22,995
my birthday money,
I'll have it.
26
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,607
You keep... your money...
in a book?
27
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:26,956
Yeah.
28
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:29,045
It's the one place no one
in my family will ever look.
29
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,003
Have you seen your brother?
He was supposed to...
30
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,267
[loud grunting]
31
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,137
You...
32
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,052
stupid... kid.
33
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,098
[screaming]
34
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,971
[groaning]
35
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,059
MALCOLM:
You gave me
36
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,191
a black eye, you jerk!
37
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:45,366
You're going to pay for this.
38
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:46,976
No one is paying for anything.
39
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,020
You are going to drop this.
40
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,152
Ow!
41
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:50,414
I'm sick of you two fighting,
42
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:52,024
and you at least should
know better.
43
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,417
Your birthday is coming up.
44
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:54,201
I only want money.
45
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,551
If you want anything,
you will not retaliate.
46
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,249
I don't care who started it.
It ends with you.
47
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:00,424
But he...With you!
48
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,557
You're just going to let him
have the last licks?
49
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,862
Yes, I am.
50
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:06,604
Now, get out of my sight,
both of you.
51
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:10,434
Well... handled.
52
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,654
Fighting like that
right in front of me.
53
00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:16,266
What could possibly
have possessed those two boys?
54
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:26,233
[grunting]
55
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,235
[choking]
56
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,889
Help me!
57
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,456
[choking]
58
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,285
Help me.
59
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:40,072
Oh, I'll help you.
60
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:46,340
Hello, there.
61
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,776
Hello.
62
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,081
It's my son's birthday,
63
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,866
and I wanted
to buy him a comic book.
64
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:52,694
He only wanted money,
65
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,478
but he really loves this stuff
66
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,480
and it just doesn't seem
like a birthday
67
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,960
if there's nothing to open.
68
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:00,919
Do you work here?
69
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:02,094
I have the conn.
70
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:04,358
Oh, great.
71
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,403
So, uh, do you have
any suggestions?
72
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,884
You know, something nice,
like, $20?
73
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,147
Well, if you're
looking for
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00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,367
a $20 comic book,
75
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:16,021
you're in the league
for Mr. Incredible.
76
00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,588
I don't think
he's ready for that.
77
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:18,589
And for only $20?
78
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,025
Have you lost your mind?Hey!
79
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,592
You guys shut up.
No. Tell me about him.
80
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:23,942
Oh, well, he's incredible.
81
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:27,859
He's a rock star by day
and superhero by night.
82
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:30,471
He can shoot flames
out of his eyes
83
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,864
and melt his enemy's
brains with his mind.
84
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,692
Yeah. I think I read that one.
85
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,956
Sir, there is no
Mr. Incredible.
86
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,262
[laughing, snickering]
87
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,872
Well, then-then, why...
88
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,353
Sir, the Middle Earthling
is for clientele
89
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,050
sophisticated enough
to appreciate
90
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,966
cinematic drawing and
nonlinear storytelling.
91
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:50,621
And I can see by your
office drone shirt
92
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,494
that you're not a serious
graphic novel collector.
93
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:54,669
Is the new Metamorpho in?
94
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,540
Yes, Ricky, right away.Well, wait.
95
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,063
Hey, I was...Excuse me...
96
00:03:58,107 --> 00:03:59,543
I'm helping a customer.
97
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:06,376
Is that for my costume?
98
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,159
What costume?
99
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:08,422
The school play.
100
00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:09,336
I'm in the school play!
101
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,467
Oh, right.
102
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,468
You're a... tree?
103
00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,122
I'm Abraham Lincoln!
104
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:13,992
I'm reciting
105
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:14,993
the Gettysburg Address.
106
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,343
Why do always do this to me?
107
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:17,517
Oh, calm down.
108
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:18,997
I always pull it together,
don't I?
109
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,999
Remember that great
Frankenstein costume I made
110
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,087
that everybody loved?
111
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:23,350
Yeah.
112
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,308
Can we use that again?
113
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,570
[sighs]
114
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,400
Hey, Otto, I think we have
some vandals or something.
115
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,532
There's more fences down,
116
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:34,143
and this time some
chickens were killed.
117
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:36,145
It almost looks like they
were stomped to death.
118
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:37,451
La vaca diablo...
119
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,453
...ha regresado.
120
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:40,976
It was only the wind.
121
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:43,370
But the chickens look
like they exploded.
122
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:45,372
Well, obviously,
the broken fences flew
123
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,721
to the other side
of the ranch,
124
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:49,593
hitting the chickens
in a slamming motion
125
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,726
and dragging them
across the ground in a manner
126
00:04:51,769 --> 00:04:53,902
that closely resembles stomping.
127
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,382
You see, there is
128
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,776
a perfectly logical explanation
for everything.
129
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,213
!¡La vaca diablo!
130
00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:02,606
Fue asi la vaca diablo!
131
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:04,129
Perfectly logical.
132
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,522
Was he saying
"Devil cow"?
133
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,785
Ah, it is a silly legend.
134
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:10,745
Many years ago they say
135
00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:14,183
there was a cow
who one day tasted human flesh
136
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,141
and went bad.
137
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:19,406
And now
whenever the moon is red,
138
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,364
she comes down
from a mountain lair
139
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:25,150
to drink the blood
of the innocent.
140
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,631
You're talking
about a cow.
141
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,503
Yeah, I know.
Silly, isn't it?
142
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:32,375
[goofy laugh]
143
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,551
Oh...
144
00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:40,862
Wake up.
145
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:42,559
What do youwant?
146
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:45,388
I just want to let you know
you're not getting last licks.
147
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,085
Huh?I'm sick of you always
148
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,522
having an edge
just 'cause you're an idiot
149
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,437
and I'm smart and understand
about consequences.
150
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,483
I can be just as vicious
and shortsighted as you.
151
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:54,441
Oh, yeah.
152
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,529
I'm really scared.
153
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,574
Why don't you just...?
154
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,622
[screams]
155
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:02,753
What did you do?
156
00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:05,539
I sunk to yourlevel.
157
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,671
And I have to say...
it feels good.
158
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:10,674
[grunting]
159
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,118
[screaming]
160
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,471
How did comic book
shopping go?
161
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,560
Bad.
162
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,563
I'm just out of my depth.
163
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:32,653
Look, we both hoped
it wouldn't come to this,
164
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,698
but you know
what we have to do.
165
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,483
Hal, we promised
ourselves we wouldn't.
166
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,615
What other choice do we have?
167
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,576
Isn't this interesting?
168
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:45,230
Once more, I'm the only
person that can help you.
169
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,623
I'm your best friend
when you need someone
170
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,713
to pick up your mail
or sit on a suitcase,
171
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,454
but when it's time
for a barbecue,
172
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:53,587
I have to watch
from the car.
173
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,502
I got to tell you, Hal,
174
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:58,896
this beer is tasting
mighty bitter.
175
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,681
I'll take another.
176
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:02,117
Are you going to help me
or not?
177
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,248
I will help you.
178
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,163
But one day--
and that day may never come--
179
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,731
I will ask you
to perform a service for me.
180
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:10,168
Actually, it'll be tomorrow.
181
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,256
I'll be here
about 10:00,
182
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,302
and if it's nice,
wear a bathing suit.
183
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,740
What?
184
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:17,698
What happened?
185
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,177
It's horrible.
186
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,483
What, the rug?
187
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,919
That's no rug.
188
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,705
It's an... antelope.
189
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,402
Oh, my God!
190
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,622
It's been completely flattened.
191
00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,754
Look. There's pieces
in the tree.
192
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,495
What could have done
something like this?
193
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,279
It-It was me.
194
00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:35,193
You?
Yeah.
195
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:36,630
On-on my moped.
196
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,632
A-A terrible accident.
197
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:39,720
It was dark.
198
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:42,505
It jumped right in front of me.
199
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:43,506
I had perhaps
200
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,727
a few too many Cajun martinis.
201
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,859
That should be a lesson
to all of us, hey?
202
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,295
[chuckles]
203
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:53,473
Go get a shovel
and some sawdust.
204
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,793
Okay, hold still.
205
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,621
I don't think I want
to be in this play.
206
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,144
Now, I've been
doing some reading,
207
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,625
and this Lincoln person
wasn't such a great guy.
208
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,714
Did you know that the
Emancipation Proclamation
209
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:20,238
wasn't about slavery
at all?
210
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,762
It was strictly
a political move.
211
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:22,937
Honey, you're just nervous
212
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,374
'cause you've never had a part
with lines before.
213
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,680
Or where you move.
214
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:27,768
For the love of God!
215
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:31,511
He suspended the writ of
habeas corpus in Maryland!
216
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,688
You should have seen Reese.
It was hysterical.
217
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,559
Are you sure...
you want...
218
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,606
to push him?
219
00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:40,736
It's the only way
to get through
220
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,390
to his primitive
little monkey brain.
221
00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:44,436
He has to know
that I'm not going to back down.
222
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,787
What is this?
223
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:50,791
Oh, my God!
224
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,793
If you can be vicious,
225
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:53,794
I can be smart.
226
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,012
How many copies did you make?
227
00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:56,231
I don't know.
228
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,625
How many copies are there
in a pack of 500 sheets?
229
00:08:58,668 --> 00:08:59,713
This is over, Reese.
230
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,410
I don't know
why you're so upset.
231
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:04,108
Look at you going
like a big boy.
232
00:09:11,463 --> 00:09:12,856
[airhorn honking loudly]
233
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,771
[screaming]
234
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,601
All right, two
scoops, fudge ripple.
235
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,648
Noware we going to
the comic book store?
236
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,780
[imitates Yoda]: Patience, Luke.
You are reckless.
237
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,739
We've gone to the beach,
we've gone to the movies.
238
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,958
I won you an animal
at the church bazaar.
239
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,874
We've gone out for coffee,
lunch, Slushees, pie.
240
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:34,443
I can't negotiate unless
I'm firing on all cylinders.
241
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,837
Just have many
cylinders do you have?
242
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,403
Pull over.
243
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:39,796
No, you're right.
I'm sorry.
244
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,058
That was uncalled for.
245
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:42,233
Pull over.
246
00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:43,974
Craig, I am not
pulling over.
247
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,193
Just let me out of the car.
248
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:47,848
Craig, I am not
stopping this car.
249
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:48,631
[whistle blowing]
250
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:49,719
All right,
all right!
251
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,678
Calm down.
252
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,462
You are going
to have to learn
253
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:56,683
how to get along
without Craig Feldspar.
254
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,816
My ducky.
255
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:00,774
[toy squeaks]
256
00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:03,690
[laughter]
257
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,300
Hey.
258
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,518
Get out of here. I'm busy.
259
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,737
I'll be quick.
260
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,696
You know, while I was
ripping down all those flyers,
261
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,262
I was racking my brain
trying to come up
262
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,742
with some way
to get back at you.
263
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:13,656
And I began to wonder.
264
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,875
What's the point?
265
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,486
No matter how hard I try,
nothing ever stops you.
266
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,749
Maybe you're just better
at this than I am.
267
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,229
Well, yeah.
Then again,
268
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,753
maybe we should ask your friends
what they think.
269
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,060
What?
270
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,148
Your friends.
271
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,715
These are friends,
aren't they?
272
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,672
You're always hanging out
273
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,456
with them or near them anyway.
274
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:34,764
Hey, do any of you know
this kid's name?
275
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,810
This kid right here.
276
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:38,246
Do any of you know his name?
277
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:40,770
But he's always
following you around.
278
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,685
You never noticed
him before?
279
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:46,471
So he's been sitting
right next to you for months
280
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:48,169
just pretending
to be your friend?
281
00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:50,693
Wow. That's sad.
282
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,956
Well, uh,
his name's Reese.
283
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,959
And guess what?
I'm better than you.
284
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,874
I win. It's over.
285
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,105
[retching]
286
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:17,459
♪
287
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,599
Gretchen?
288
00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:28,862
Gretchen, I...
289
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:31,603
Whoa, uh!
290
00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:32,866
[screaming]
291
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:37,000
Otto, what?I have seen it, Francis!
292
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,175
The devil cow!
293
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,134
It had eyes like
burning embers
294
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,658
and breath
from the bowels of hell!
295
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,007
Oh, it was horrible.
296
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:44,965
More horrible than this?
297
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,314
We must leave this place.
298
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:47,576
Burn it down.
299
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:48,795
Start over.
300
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:49,752
Yeah.
301
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,188
No. Enough is enough.
302
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,408
We're not running
away from a cow.
303
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,626
We're not?
304
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,628
No. We're not.
305
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:59,022
From now on...
306
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,721
I'm lactose intolerant.
307
00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:08,684
Okay, Dewey,
here's your costume.
308
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,033
Now, your father and I
309
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,034
will see you at the show
this afternoon.
310
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,122
I'm going to throw up.
311
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,167
What if I forget my part?
312
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,386
What if something
flies out of my nose
313
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,953
like it did at show and tell?
314
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,347
Dewey, I'm going to let you in
on a little secret.
315
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,914
When you're
up on that stage,
316
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,133
all you have to do
is look out in the front row.
317
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,787
Your father and I
will be sitting there,
318
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,572
and you just look me in the eyes
and you'll know
319
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:30,184
that everything's going
to be all right, okay?
320
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,968
Okay.
321
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:34,666
And if you still feel
like throwing up,
322
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,016
use the hat.
323
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,931
MALCOLM:
Reese totally had that coming.
324
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,020
I'm not... arguing.
325
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,456
Seriously, humiliation
is the only thing
326
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,892
that jerk understands.
327
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,111
Fine.
328
00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:45,852
Why are you
taking hisside?!
329
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:47,549
Ooh, a birthday card.
330
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:51,596
Five dollars Canadian.
331
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,077
Pretty good
for Grandma.
332
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,384
So, I'll have the rest of my
birthday money on Saturday,
333
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:59,343
so I can give you the 300 bucks
for the computer when...
334
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,955
"Dear Malcolm, Ha-ha.
335
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,391
"Now I win.
336
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,915
Your friend,Reese."
337
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,747
They'll try you...
338
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,357
as an adult!
339
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:35,336
Uh, yes, I'm looking for
a serious graphic novel
340
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,121
with cinematic drawings
341
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:41,690
and neat, linear storytelling.
342
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,300
Weren't you in here
the other day?
343
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,911
No, I...
344
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,001
Okay, look.
345
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,786
I just want to buy a present
for my son, okay?
346
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,874
I don't think
that's a crime.
347
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,877
As I see it, my only crime
is not knowing as much as you.
348
00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:58,141
Look, you all have parents,
don't you?
349
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,927
I am appealing to you
as decent human beings
350
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,364
to help me give my son
a happy birthday.
351
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:05,932
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
352
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,325
I guess we did kind of get off
on the wrong foot.
353
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,023
We all got to
start somewhere.
354
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,070
This one's called
Dead Man's Shoes.
355
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,593
It's 50 bucks.
356
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,030
It's all about
alienation.
357
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,988
I think your son
will really like it.
358
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,947
Thank you.
359
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,862
Not so fast.
360
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,258
This transaction does
not concern you, Feldspar.
361
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,694
It's Craig Feldspar.
362
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,783
He's a level 45
Dungeon Master.
363
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,135
What cereal box
did you shake this out of, Dean?
364
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,572
It's the first print.
It's totally collectable.
365
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:39,791
Oh. Should we check
the Overstreet?
366
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,924
Wait, we don't have to.
367
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,318
1997-- first and only printing.
368
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:47,060
50,000 returns,
all in circulation.
369
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,757
I'd keep this
in my bathroom,
370
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,150
but not for reading.
371
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:52,587
This isn't a comic book store.
372
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,154
It's a novelty shop!
373
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:55,111
Oh, really?
374
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:59,202
Well, I'd like to see
the novelty shop
375
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:02,292
that carries an original
Spider-Mannumber 14
376
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:05,426
with the first appearance
of the Green Goblin.
377
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:06,383
You're kidding.
378
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,298
If you changed
to a more respectful tone,
379
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:10,170
I just might let...
380
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,084
What are you doing?!
381
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,172
Fear not.
382
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,390
It's the 1993 reprint.
383
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,783
If it had been an original,
384
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:17,133
he would have thrown himself
in front of it.
385
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:21,050
Dude, you told me
that was real.
386
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,660
Now...
387
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:25,620
let's talk business.
388
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,100
[chortling]
389
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,971
Craig, I can't
thank you enough.
390
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,146
That was fantastic!
391
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:32,888
You were so heroic.
392
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,585
I like to think we all have
393
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,805
a little bit of Aquaman
right here.
394
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,242
Well, I must say, you
really know your stuff.
395
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,417
I'm impressed.
396
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,767
Well, you know...
if you're interested,
397
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,987
there is a convention
next Saturday.
398
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,294
I have a life, Craig.
399
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,734
[Malcolm grunting]
400
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:57,173
MAN:
Car number 15, no bumping.
401
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,392
Return to the pit area.
402
00:15:58,435 --> 00:15:59,436
What the hell are you doing?!
403
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,829
MALCOLM:
You had no right!
404
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,874
You stole from me!
That was my money!
405
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,354
Fine. Let's see.
406
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,226
I've done 63 laps.
407
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,270
Keep the change!
408
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,229
MAN:
Car eight, let's be courteous.
409
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,665
It ends here, Reese!
410
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,362
I don't care about the money!
411
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,016
I don't care about my birthday!
412
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,366
I don't care about your safety
or mine!
413
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:19,587
I don't care about anything
except making you suffer!
414
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,110
Well, I don't care either!
415
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:24,418
Fine! Let's see
who cares the least the most!
416
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,594
MAN:
Okay, you just lost
417
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:28,204
two weeks arcade privileges.
418
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,859
This is a game of chicken
Reese is not going to win!
419
00:16:30,902 --> 00:16:33,079
I'm too angry to blink!
When he sees my face,
420
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,906
he's going to know
he doesn't have a chance!
421
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:38,084
♪ He's off and flying as he guns
the car around the track ♪
422
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:41,043
♪ He's jamming down the pedal
like he's never coming back ♪
423
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,176
♪ Adventure's waiting
just ahead... ♪
424
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,220
He'll stop.
425
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,917
I know he'll stop.
426
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,702
Maybe this wasn't such a good...
427
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,487
[crash]
428
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,455
Ugh!
429
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,198
I should have told
the doctor
430
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,113
to sew fur and tails
on you boys
431
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:08,288
because you're animals!
432
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,506
Only, animals
would be easier
433
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,117
'cause then
I could have you fixed.
434
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,641
For all the good it does,
you're grounded, again.
435
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,556
Thanks for getting me
grounded on my birthday.
436
00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,471
Oh, boo-hoo,
I was grounded on my birthday.
437
00:17:17,513 --> 00:17:19,864
MALCOLM: I was just
standing up for myself.
438
00:17:19,907 --> 00:17:21,736
There is such a thing
as justice, you know!
439
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:23,085
Well, there is such a thing
as "shut up!"
440
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:25,174
Stop it.
441
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:26,262
Malcolm, do you remember
442
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,176
what you did for your birthday
last year?
443
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,179
Nothing. I was
grounded then, too.
444
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,311
And what about your birthday?
445
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,225
You grounded me after
446
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:34,009
I smashed Malcolm's face
into the cake.
447
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,402
And your birthday before that?
448
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:37,795
Pretty much this.
449
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,970
Wait.
450
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,102
When did you push me
off the pony?
451
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,496
Do you realize
that neither of you
452
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:45,977
has had a birthday party
in his entire life?
453
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:50,156
Don't you think that's sad?
454
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:52,941
Every chance you have had
for a little happiness--
455
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,987
a little something special--
you threw it away.
456
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,774
At some point, this has to stop.
457
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:02,037
Is revenge ever worth it?
458
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,691
Is it worth it now?
459
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,215
Do you feel happy?
460
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:08,043
There's no reason to
compete with each other.
461
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,132
We love you
both the same.
462
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:13,179
There are no favorites
in this family.
463
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:15,268
Where isDewey?
464
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:24,190
I said, there's
Mr. Lincoln now.
465
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,507
We love you, Dewey.
466
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:38,769
You can do it, son.
467
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,336
We're so proud of you.
468
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,514
[singing with beautiful
countertenor voice]
469
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:49,867
♪ Fourscore
and seven years ago ♪
470
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:54,959
♪ Our fathers brought forth
471
00:18:55,003 --> 00:19:00,748
♪ Unto this continent
472
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:04,230
♪ A new nation
473
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:08,190
♪ Conceived in liberty
474
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:16,242
♪ And dedicated
to the proposition... ♪
475
00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:20,811
♪ By the people,
for the people ♪
476
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:31,996
♪ Shall not perish
from this Earth. ♪
477
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,694
[cheering]
478
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:38,307
You know, Daniela
could do that, too,
479
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,135
if your affair
hadn't scarred her for life.
480
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,267
Oh, bravo.
481
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:43,399
Why don't you
have another drink?
482
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:48,665
Francis, this is not the time
to study animal husbandry.
483
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,276
We have a cow to kill.
484
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:53,366
There's got to be something
in here that can help us.
485
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,716
You know what will help us?
The bullet.
486
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:58,284
The bullet is always the answer.
487
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,242
Oh, my God, it is here!
488
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:01,461
That's it!
489
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,376
I know what we have to do!
490
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:08,468
Ah! Oh! Francis! Oof!
491
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,643
[yelling]
492
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:10,687
Oof!
493
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,212
Oh...
494
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,302
No, please, please,
495
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,433
no!
496
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,087
[sobbing]:
No!
497
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:21,307
All right, Bessie,
498
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,134
you've been causing
a lot of trouble,
499
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:24,571
and it stops now.
500
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:29,315
You are going to be milked.
501
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,406
There you go.
502
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:36,147
You been up in those mountains
so long all engorged,
503
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,758
no wonder you were so angry.
504
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,195
You're not evil at all.
505
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,633
You're just a lady
with a little too much milk.
506
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:45,896
[moos]
507
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,550
Well, this new
game is good,
508
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,422
but it doesn't
quite buy me off.
509
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:51,380
You still didn't
come to my play.
510
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:54,731
Well, how would you like
Malcolm's comic book, hmm?
511
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:57,343
I'm starting to get over it.
512
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:00,433
Happy birthday, Malcolm.
513
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:03,436
Thanks.
514
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:08,005
Don't eat
that blueberry.
515
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,920
I'm saving it.
516
00:21:14,403 --> 00:21:16,362
What's the worst
that can happen?
33006
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