Original subtitles

You shouldn't smoke so much, you really shouldn't

after all those dreadful warnings.

Mrs. Carpenter's husband gave it up and he got run down by a bus a week later.

That's got nothing to do with him giving up smoking.

No, but it didn't do him any good, did it?

Mrs Cragg...

I am Ms Pinsent, your area supervisor.

Were you smoking, Mrs Cragg?

You know it's against company rules. I shall report you.

You do that.

Area supervisor... she's all mouth and trousers.

Spy is in. Fags out.

Good morning, Mrs Merryweather.

Morning, Miss.

Spy is in. Fags out.

Jim?

Jim?

Where the hell is he?

- Morning, Sid. - Sid here.

You got my wire.

What's good about it? And yes, I got your wire.

Would I have got up in the middle of the night to be here otherwise?

You're lucky I've been up all night in the blasted train,

I couldn't get a sleeper, no breakfast either.

What's all the excitement about?

Poor McFarlane, he can't raise the money.

He's dropping out.

The Waldron's take over bid will fall through.

Not on your Nelly, it won't mate.

Sidney, Sidney my boy.

You and I are going to make a bid to take over Waldron's properties.

- On our own? - Sidney, you're so quick!

The shares were down to 15 bob last night.

We are going to offer Waldron a pound, cash.

A pound, cash?

Jim Ryder, have you gone raiding bad?

Where's that dumb blonde put that Waldron file?

I found her, ha -look as soon as I got that wire I knew it meant trouble.

Anyway, where the hell are we going to find the money?

Borrow it.

Borrow it, at 40 percent? Now I know you've gone mad.

Of course I have.

You buy me breakfast and I'll explain why.

Come on, we'll go to that cheap dump around the corner,

it won't cost you so much.

A pound, cash.

I'd give them a quid out of my own pocket

if only they'd stop walking over my clean floor.

I thought I heard voices.

Can't you finish this floor yet?

I did, but a herd of rhinoceroses just went through.

Rhinoceroses?

Oh dear.

Well if he doesn't want it, I know somebody what does.

Good morning Mrs C.

Morning Colonel.

Bills, bills, bills.

They say rain is on the way.

Well I hope so.

I need heavy going for Epson this week.

You and your horses.

What happened to that one yesterday, you know, the one what couldn't lose?

Last in a field of 15.

Well then, better luck next time.

How long can this sort of luck last Mrs C?

It doesn't matter what it is, horses, dogs, the boat race.

I get a tip to buy Bellings Machines tools straight from the horses mouth,

I buy the shares,

- They double their profits. - Well that's nice, isn't it?

Lovely, what do they do?

They dropped half a crown.

Oh, you never can tell with horses.

Horses? You don't listen to a word I say, do you?

Oh yes I do. I don't understand a word of it, but I do listen.

- I've got something for you. - What is it?

Oh, a cigar.

Good condition too. Where did you pinch this?

I didn't pinch it, I don't pinch things as well you should know.

Mrs C, you didn't buy it. There's no band and it's been pierced.

That's why I took it.

I found it in the waste paper basket.

Thanks very much, very kind thought.

Now you sit there and have a little smoke, it will do you good.

I'll go and make you a nice cup of nice tea.

- Mrs. C. - Oh dear, you did give me a turn.

I'm sorry, where did you get the cigar?

Why, what's the matter with it? Isn't it any good?

- Just shows you can never tell, can you? - Posh offices and all.

There's nothing the matter with the cigar dear,

it's probably one of the best cigars that's made, where did you get it?

The place where I work early mornings.

I saw it lying there and I says to myself, I said,

oh that colonel would love that, I says.

So I took it and he didn't want it.

Mrs C, who is he?

- The man I work for, Mr Ryder. - Not James Ryder?

That's him, Jim Ryder.

You know him well enough to call him Jim?

Oh me, yeah I've never spoken to him in my life.

Why, what's so special about him anyway?

Nothing really.

He's just one of those wide boys who's making a fortune

just now to property development.

Oh he can't be the same bloke.

If you'd have heard him carrying on about a quid one way or the other

and he'd have to borrow that anyway.

What wouldn't I give to know what's going on in his mind.

Not much, I shouldn't think.

If you could have seen the way they was marching up and down on my clean floor.

I could have killed them stone dead, the pair of them.

I though the other bloke was going to drop dead

when he said he was going to offer Waldron a quid.

Mrs Cragg, are you sure he said that?

Sure as I'm here.

He said: I am going to offer Waldron �1 cash.

Gave me quite a turn it did.

Because Waldron was Mr Cragg's second name.

Oh dear, another for the nuthouse if you ask me.

Yes, all right, hold on.

Here's your cup of tea, it's getting cold.

Damn the tea, I'm sorry Mrs C but this is important.

This is probably the hottest tip I've ever had.

Dear of dear, you and your horses.

Mrs C, this has nothing whatever to do with horses.

Yes, I'm holding on.

You see, a chap is going to buy a firm called Waldron's.

According to this, he changed his mind, the shares will go down.

I shall buy some and I shall wait for Ryder to make his offer.

The shares will rise and I shall sell them at a profit.

It's as simple as that.

It's just about as simple as that horse that couldn't lose yesterday.

- I'll make you a fresh cup. - Are you holding on sir?

Yes, I am holding on.

- Your cousin, the gallant colonel. - Oh blimey, more dud tips.

Hello Cyril, what can I do you for?

Roderick, can you give me a quotation for Waldron's this morning?

I might have guessed, he wants a quotation on Waldron's.

Listen, one hour ago, the news broke that McFarlane's bid had been withdrawn.

We haven't been off the phone since, you can't even give them away.

You can't? Splendid.

I want you to buy me �5000 worth of Waldron's ordinaries.

5000?

Are you completely out of your tiny mind?

Where the hell could you find 5000 quid?

I don't have to find it, I'm buying it for the account.

For the account?

My dear idiot, do you realize they're going to be paid for eventually?

And on the present share, they wouldn't be worth the paper they're printed on.

I'll give you a security.

Security, such as what?

A pair of cufflinks, a watch?

Sorry old man, I'm a stock broker not a pawn broker.

I wasn't thinking of cufflinks or a watch.

I was thinking of this house.

Do I get this right?

You'll put that house up against my buying �5000 worth of Waldron's shares?

Yes.

Get your solicitor to send the deeds around right away.

Bye sir.

Well Mrs Cragg, I've done it, I've plumbed for Waldron's up to the hilt.

Well I hope it wins, here's your tea.

If it does, we'll split the profits 50-50.

Well that's very kind of you Colonel, but if you...

No, no, no, I insist. One doesn't get a tip like that everyday.

Fair is fair, 50-50.

I was about to say Colonel,

as how I haven't had no wages for the past fortnight,

so that's going to be �2.10 if you don't mind.

Well I am a little bit short of the ready this week.

I wonder if you could possibly wait till next Monday?

Looks as though I shall have to, doesn't it?

Thank you.

If we get control of Waldron's, we can take over this site, just like that.

Think of it.

All of the one conveyors, one owner due for demolition in the next 30 years.

Nice and tidy ay.

And we get a wiggle on, we can have the whole thing completed in 8-10 months,

say a year at the outside.

I still don't like it Jim I mean, we've got enough on our plate as it is.

Do you realize if I'd have listened to your gloomy warnings

we'd still be in Stepney with 18 quid in the bank

and you made sure I could only get that out at three quid a day, didn't you?

18 quid is a lot more than we got in the bank at the moment Jim Ryder.

Hello?

Yes sir, would you hold on a moment sir, I'll just see if he's in.

Out.

I got the tip this morning.

Excuse me sir, you're wanted on the telephone.

'Ello, Ryder.

What?

What?

No, I certainly did not.

Okay, thanks.

Only two people knew that we'd made a takeover bid for Waldron's,

you and I.

Have you been talking?

No. Why?

Because this morning somebody bought 5000 quids worth.

What?

They sent the price up to one and six pence already.

Come on, we better get back.

I'll get in contact with Waldron's before that price rises any higher.

Hello. Oh hello Roderick,

What's been happening, I've been trying to get you all the morning.

Well I didn't think they could sink any lower but they managed it.

Lower, oh no.

And I was just coming round to measure the house for carpets and curtains

when the rumours of Ryder takeover began to circulate.

Your shares started to rise.

And the rumour was confirmed and they rocketed.

Rocketed? Well, what are they standing at now?

19 and 6.

This means you've already doubled your investment.

Yes, you've made a nice cool �5000.

Sell them, sell the lot.

You're a lucky devil, you must have had a tip straight from the horse's mouth.

From my charlady.

Charlady?

- Good morning Colonel. - Good morning Mrs C.

Here we are.

Hello, you don't look too good.

You stay there and I'll get you a nice pick me up.

And what brought this little lot on if it's not a rude question?

Mrs C, remember when we bought those shares,

I told you we'd split the profits 50-50?

Yes sir, you did. I'd forgotten all about it.

Don't you worry about that here.

Take this, it will make you feel better.

I'll go and put the kettle on, your tea will be ready in no time.

You see, when I bough the shares, you see I didn't realize what might happen.

Oh Colonel, you haven't lost a lot of money over that bit of paper

I've give you, have you?

No, I didn't lose money Mrs Cragg, I made it.

You made it?

Oh I am glad, isn't that nice.

You could do with a few quid.

It is more than a few quid Mrs Cragg, it's quite a lot more.

More?

Yes, guess.

- �50? - More.

- Not a hundred pounds? - More.

More? Not as much as �200?

Yes Mrs Cragg, as much as �200.

Well that's wonderful, isn't it?

And remember, you're in 50-50.

Oh no -Oh nonsense Mrs Cragg, I insist, a bargain is a bargain.

�200?

I'll go make the tea.

No Colonel, that money, it isn't right.

Well, I may have slightly underestimated it, you see I'm not very good at figures.

No Colonel, it was your idea.

- Yes, but Mrs Cragg... - No, I will take �50 and not a penny more.

Is that as much as you expected?

As much as I...?

I didn't expect a brass farthing.

I'll go and make the tea.

It was real nice of you giving me that �50 Colonel.

I know you did promise me half,

but a lot of people would have kept their mouth shut.

And I would have been none the wiser, would I?

Nonsense Mrs Cragg, you had my word as an officer and I trust a gentleman.

Oh you could have only told me you made a fiver.

I would have been quite happy.

Hats off your trouble Colonel, you're too honest.

I know we was a bit posh for the street outing

and the kids don't half enjoy that no mistake.

So it was lucky that you made that �200 wasn't it?

- I didn't. - Didn't what?

I didn't make �200.

But you distinctly told me...

Never mind what I told you Mrs Cragg, I didn't make �200,

I made �5000.

Did you say �5000?

I did Mrs Cragg.

Here.

I think perhaps it would be safer if I was to give you your share right away.

Now, just a minute Colonel, let me get this straight.

Are you telling me that you made �5000 out of that bit of paper I give to you?

That and a little bit of specialized knowledge.

Then somebody must have lost �5000.

Nobody lost �6000 Mrs Cragg.

We bought shares at a certain price and sold them at a better price.

That's high finance.

It smells odd to me.

That's what the stock exchange is for Mrs Cragg.

So that ordinary people you know, people like you and I

can express out trust in this or that industrial concern

and keep the great wheels of commerce turning.

I didn't see no wheels of commerce.

All I saw was a bit of paper.

And I didn't have no confidence in that because I didn't know

what was written on it either, and you didn't have no confidence neither

because you never knew it existed, not until I gave it to you with that cigar in it.

It isn't right, it can't be.

A few pounds is one thing, but �5000 is a different kettle of fish.

Nonsense Mrs Cragg, people are doing it all the time.

Not people like me, there must be something wrong somewhere.

Mrs Cragg, there's nothing, you don't think I'd do anything dishonest, do you?

Yes.

Well, I did it in the end, didn't I? But it's legal, Mrs Cragg.

What's legal can't be dishonest.

In that case, there won't be any harm in my telling him about it, will there?

Telling who?

Mr. Ryder, it was his bit of paper and he can have this and all.

After all, it must be his. It was him who had the confidence.

You're not going to take my cheque to Mr Ryder?

I am, my mind is made up.

There is no time like the present.

Come in.

- Good morning, can I help you? - Good morning miss.

I'm the lady what does here of a morning.

Oh yes.

Well I was wondering if I might see the gentleman...

Oh, Mr. Ryder?

Of course if they have their way, they'd bang us all into crowded

grottoes like the Germans did.

I told you it was big business, and if a superb block of luxury offices

ain't big business, I'd like to know what is.

Ryder Enterprise Limited.

Sounds like a cartel to me.

What is a cartel?

All...

Well anyway, they're the worst.

You mark my words, they'll ground us all to pieces just like the rest of them.

Ground us to pieces? Who?

The capitalists.

And what will they say when our bellies are flapping for lack of bread?

What will they say?

Let them eat cake.

I like cake.

What can I do for you?

Well...

Yes?

Mr Baker of Southern Demolition for you sir.

Put him through.

- Ryder. - Oh Ryder, it's George here.

- Hello George. - Hello mate, how are you, you all right?

- I'm fine old boy, fine, I've got a little job for you. - Oh?

I want you to give me a price on pulling down some houses on Pitt Street.

- I beg your pardon? - No, Pitt Street.

You know, it's a property we've just taken over.

Are you in a hurry about it mate?

- Of course I'm in a hurry. - And the sitting tenants?

Sitting tenants? Well aren't there always old boy?

Don't you worry about it.

I'll have them out of there before you can say "Bulldozer.�

- Okay. - Good.

Well I'll pick you up in a few minutes and we'll go straight down to the site.

All right, see you down there Jim. Arrivederc -Bye.

Now Mrs Cragg...

Well sir, there were two things really.

Two?

Look sir, this won't take up much of your valuable time.

So you're the man who's going to pull down Pitt Street?

That's right.

- You live there? - Yes I do,

- and all my friends live there and all. - I get it.

And they've asked you to use your position here to persuade me not to pull it down?

Nobody has asked me to do nothing. I've come here off my own back.

Now look Mrs Cragg, the world is changing

and it's no good you and your friends resisting that change.

You've got to accept it, assist it and if possible anticipate it.

Let me tell you what the Ministry says about Pitt Street:

These buildings are scheduled for demolished in the next 10 years

as they no longer measure up favourably to the required standards of housing.

Those houses are no better nor no worse than the day they were built,

they haven't changed.

And human beings haven't changed neither.

They've still got two legs and two hands, haven't they and they've only got one head,

nothing has changed.

Some of them families have lived in their houses all their lives,

they've grown up together.

Well, there's one old lady there of over 80.

She's lived there 60 years.

It's about time she had a change then, isn't it?

It's always the same with progress.

As soon as anybody wants to build anything, somebody squawks.

Now look Mrs Cragg, if you and your friends had any sense,

they'll take the alternative accommodation I'm offering and get moving.

Alternative accommodation? And what had you in mind for me?

Well, let's see.

Here's a nice little house in Burgh Borough.

Burgh Borough, I wouldn't live there if you paid me.

That's one of those new towns, isn't it?

I don't understand you people.

The Ministry goes to all this trouble and expense of building these new towns and...

- Take Burgh Borough... - You take it.

- These got the lot, pubs. - I've got a pub.

- Dance halls. - Dance halls.

Golf course.

Do you know I haven't had a round of golf for I don't know how long.

All right then, what has Pitt Street got that Burgh Borough doesn't?

My friends.

And I'm not getting out.

And you can't bundle us into the street because the law wouldn't let you,

you're forgetting that.

But you're forgetting that technically this is a condemned slum.

- Slum indeed. - Yes, slum.

And any judge would lend a sympathetic ear to any proposition I might make

especially as I'm offering alternative accommodation.

It might and then again it might not.

Granted, even if it didn't, I could appeal.

Can't you see, you're playing a game you can't possibly win.

- You mean because we haven't got no money? - Partly.

Their money isn't everything.

You mean it's something else?

It might do you a bit of good to want for something me lad.

To know what it's like to struggle.

Now Look! Let me tell you something.

Do you know Orpington Street?

Yes, Orpington Street, just behind Pitt Street.

I was born there.. Number 13.

Do you know how much my own mother got when she was a child?

A bloody sight less than what you get now.

Nine pence an hour, that's what she got.

When she could get it.

When the landlord kicked her out of the house,

there was no alternative accommodation.

She went into a workhouse. I went into a home.

I learned, nobody gives you anything for nothing.

- Don't they? - Of course they don't, girl.

You think I'm hard, don't you? Maybe I am.

A good business is sentimentdomics.

If you want anything, you've got to go out and get it.

So long as it's legal.

So long as it's legal.

Thank you sir.

I'll remember that.

That letter, is it for me?

No Sir, it's for me.

So you didn't give him the check, Mrs Cragg?

No, I want you to...

What do you call it? Reinvest it.

Reinvest it, oh I don't think I'd care to do that.

You see, it wouldn't be the same next time.

I only wish we could get a tip like this every day.

There is no reason why we shouldn't.

Do you know what he said to me?

He said to me, if you want something, go out and get it.

Anywhere you can, he said it, I didn't.

So he's only got himself to blame for what happens next.

Next?

What's been done once can be done again and again.

Steady on Mrs Gregg, I mean I don't know...

Do you know these people?

Well of course, these are household names in the city.

Property tycoons, investment trusts, washing machine.

These are some of the smartest operators there are.

But you don't work for them, do you?

No, but I know the ladies who do.

I'm not having nobody telling me where I'm going to live.

And the only way to stop them pushing us around...

- is to fight them. - What with, where are we going to get the money?

Where everybody else gets it from. We are going to make it.

Make it, how?

Out of bits of waste paper that we find lying about in the offices what we clean.

I don't think that will be much good Mrs Cragg.

Mum had 200 copies of Rivelli she wanted me to sell.

And when I took them to the fish shop they only gave me a shilling.

Do you mind.

We are not going to sell this waste paper. We are going to make use of it

- for information. - Information?

There is lots of information to be had from waste paper baskets, blotters,

writing pads and such like.

But we do nothing dishonest, understand? Nothing that isn't strictly legal.

What Mrs Cragg means... ow!

What Mrs Cragg means is we only make use of material which is in the public domain.

The things that have been thrown away or left lying around for anyone to see.

No opening of drawers or prying private letters,

If you know what I mean.

I don't know what you mean, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

We just pick up anything what looks interesting

and give it to the Colonel.

It will be my job to examine and evaluating the contents.

Oh dear.

And acting on the information evaluated,

we buy stocks and shares and such like.

What with?

With money of course, what do you usually buy things with?

You can't make money without money.

What could we raise?

We'd be lucky to put up 40 quid between the lot of us.

We shall start with a modest capital of �5000.

Did I hear you say 5000?

5000 is what Mrs Cragg and I made this week

from one piece of information from one paper basket.

No I'm sorry, my hubby would never...

I mean, we've always been a respectable family,

I can't be a party to anything like that.

But why not madam, it's perfectly legal.

It couldn't be, not like bingo or football pools.

But it's exactly like the football pools,

except that we know the results beforehand.

- Does that satisfy you Mrs...? - Merryweather.

I suppose so.

The stock exchange is a cancerous growth on the dying body of capitalism.

A slave market of the buying and selling of the workers.

After the revolution, there won't be no stock exchange.

Oh do leave off about the perishing revolution.

Are you coming in or stopping out?

Well?

Well.

It seems the revolution don't seem to be happening yet a while, all right.

But don't you forget, it's against me principle to make money

- out of the exploitation of workers. - Very well then.

I'll set about forming the company and finding us some office premises.

Don't forget, absolute secrecy is essential.

A careless word to a husband or a fellow char...

I mean, office cleaner and well, need I go on.

Well, if you're sure it's all right.

Well, of course it's all right.

Good heavens, there's nothing to prevent any of you ladies being accepted

into the Salvation Army.

Now, there are only two thing to remember,

You may be able to obtain useful information

from ladies in your profession.

Pick their brains by all means but don't confide in them.

And remember, however well we do, we shall all of us have to go on

being charladies...

I mean of course, I shall have to... Any questions?

Yes.

I'm sure it's a wonderful organization, I don't want to join.

You don't want to join us, why not?

I want to join you,

I don't want to join the Salvation Army. It's them hats.

- Should I take that? - No, I can manage.

- It's all right, I'll do it. - No, don't bother Mrs Higgins.

It's no bother. Two is as easy as one.

- Good morning, Mrs. Parish. - Good morning miss.

It's all clear.

32.

33, that's it. Oh no, can't be.

That looks foreign.

Perhaps it's 53.

53.

Oh come along ladies. You're late.

How do you expect us to find the place when you've got that Ladezulu on the door?

Not that bright, are we? That is our name.

Ladez Ulu. Ladies Who Do.

Oh yes, very comical.

Cor..

This must be costing us a bomb.

Well, it's one of the finest places in the city, naturally it's not cheap.

How much?

Well, including the rates, the central heating and of course the lift,

- it comes to... - Don't tell me, it will spoil my day.

Well ladies, welcome to the first board meeting of Ladies Who Do Limited.

I see you've all brought your basic material with you.

Now remember, information is the source of all wealth.

And hidden in these shopping bags is the information we need.

All we have to do is to sift and sort and sift again.

Naturally there will be a lot of rubbish,

but among the rubbish will be what we're looking for,

glittering, shining gold.

Well now, have any of you ladies any questions?

Well, shall we get on with the business?

- Excuse me, are you his lady cleaner? - Am I his what?

Certainly not. I'm his wife.

Well I only..

Well you said to develop contact.

I meant with fellow office cleaners, not the wives of the national leaders.

Well now ladies, I have to report very a satisfactory progress.

Our cash balance now stands at 2600? Pounds 6 shillings 4 pence h'penny.

Yes, on paper, yes.

Got you.

What on earth are you doing Mrs Cragg?

Morning Miss, still cold?

I said, what are you doing Mrs Cragg?

Mosquito, the place is teaming with them.

It's the central heating.

It isn't on.

Eh no, that's just the point.

It's cold outside so they come inside looking for the warmth.

When they can't find it, they try to get out again,

mistake the mirror for the window and get stuck on the glass.

- Guess what I found in my toilet? - A mosquito?

That's right, a dirty great mosquito.

See, the place is teaming with them.

He's done it again.

Up another 12, they've gone mad.

Say Kenny, how does he do it?

He doesn't know anything or anybody.

Well for somebody who doesn't, he's doing very well.

This means he's nearly doubled his capital again.

Why didn't I buy any of the wretched things?

That will be all.

Well gentlemen, we've all been hit by this thing.

I'm getting so jumpy, I don't even trust myself.

What we want to know is, who this Whitforth fellow?

Where does he get his information?

He seems to be able to anticipate every move I make.

Gentlemen, has it occurred to you that he may be an agent?

What the hell for?

Some foreign power who shall remain nameless.

No, not that again, oh my god.

Mr Ryder, perhaps you have a better explanation.

Perhaps he's psychic.

Spiritualists say that the power of transferring thought...

I'm interested in the power of transferring shares.

Now let's get down to cases.

Take this Waldron business, I hadn't discussed it with a soul,

living or dead.

Not even my partner.

It was all in my mind.

Do you talk in your sleep?

I'm not married.

I expect you're wondering why I've called this special meeting.

Well two pieces of information have recently come into our possession.

Neither of them are of much importance alone, but together.

Well, let me explain.

On the one hand, we know that the shares are an Irish concern,

Pig Produces Limited have fallen,

apparently they are having marketing difficulty.

Your scribbling pair Mrs Higgins.

On the other hand, your blotting paper Mrs Cragg,

Cash & Carry Supermarkets, one of the largest in the country,

has bought land within five miles of Pig Producers.

They are planning to open a bacon curing factory.

This will send the shares of Pig Producers Limited rocketing.

- That makes sense. - Well, what's on your mind Colonel?

I suggest we go for the killing, put the lot on Pig Producers.

The lot?

Well that's taking a hell of a risk, isn't it?

Well of course it's a risk, but we might wait a lifetime

to get two bits of information like this.

Putting money on pigs is like putting money on horses, isn't it?

Well I don't see why, I mean after all the pigs are there.

They're going to build the factory.

The shares must double.

If it comes off, we shall have �120,000 in the Kitty.

Well ladies, shall we vote on it?

Those in favour?

Well I can't sit here all day, I've got my ironing to do.

I always did fancy a bit of Irish bacon myself.

I might as well be hanged for a pig as a lamb.

What are we voting for?

Pigs.

Carried unanimously.

Now, if we can kid them into signing an undertaking and move straight away,

it's worth paying them a hundred quid each.

I don't like it Jim I don't like it.

And legally they're in the right.

Oh god blimey, here we go again.

Can't you understand?

Unless we kept moving right away, we're going to borrow money

at 50 percent to pay back a 40 percent loan.

Jim, Jim you...

I can't understand those people around here.

They'd be much better off in one of those new towns.

Fly there when we pass through on the great North road the other week.

Marvellous.

And another thing, I'm surprised that you, a working man

a lick spit for the capitalists bosses and look at you.

Not an ounce of flesh on you, probably weeks since you had a square meal.

What did you have for your dinner? If you had any dinner.

I'm asking you, what have you had for your dinner?

And I'm trying to tell you...

- A matter of fact I didn't have any. - No, of course you didn't.

And what about your bosses ay?

Look at them, sitting there stuffing themselves with goose and caviar.

Well you go and tell them

that the bourgeois and proletarian blood will mingle in the gutters of the

Charing Cross Road before they get tossed out of here. Go on.

Go tell them, come on.

Go on, try one. I think you'll find them very nice.

Ta.

- Who is it Clay? - We have to put the hole in, don't we?

- Ah, Mrs Gubbins? - Yes?

You have arrived just in time to see your husband receive

the sum of �100.

Oh, whatever for?

All you have to do is to sign this undertaking

to move within the next month.

- We couldn't do that I'm afraid. - Why don't you shut up

and let the gentleman finish.

- You'll sign? - Uh-ha.

A wise decision Mr Gubbins. One I'm sure you won't regret.

I'm sure I won't neither.

You see, we was moving out next week anyway. Ta-da.

- Good afternoon madam. - We don't want any today, thank you.

Oh yes you do, madam.

Believe me you do.

If you wake my husband before he's finished his lay down, he'll kill you.

Not if he knows what I've come for.

- What have you come for? - To give you �100.

A hundred pounds?

A hundred pounds?

- Mrs. Merryweather... - Shh, whatever for?

As you know, these houses are being pulled down

to make way for new blocks of offices.

Now my firm are very anxious to get started as soon as possible.

But all you have to do is sign this form here

stating that you are prepared to leave the house within the month.

And I shall give you a hundred pounds.

My husband doesn't want to move.

He said something about it the other day.

- It's not a question of what he wants to do. - Shh.

It's not a question of what he wants to do,

it's a question of what he's going to have to do.

Now, we have the law on our side Mrs Merryweather, and the council.

Dear, put the the council man in hospital last year.

Now look, Mrs Merryweather,

I'm being as nice as I possibly can about this.

It's not a question of what he wants to do, now we've got the law on our side.

You'll have to get your husband to see reason.

- Otherwise I'm afraid that I shall... - Otherwise you'll what?

You're lucky I'm in a good mood today

so I'm going to explain something.

- Yes, of course. - We ain't going to move.

No, no.

- Not for nobody. - No, no.

And if you come back here, annoying me and my little missus,

I will splatter you all over that wall. Do you understand?

You make yourself abundantly clear sir.

Come back here again and I'll break your neck.

- What's this? - Tea, silly, what do you think it was?

I wouldn't say what I thought it was, but it isn't tea, warm dishwater more like.

- Mine tasted all right. - Perhaps you like tepid water?

- Some people prefer theirs boiled. - It's was boiled.

You heard the kettle whistle.

It doesn't matter what I heard, it's what I taste that counts.

This water wasn't boiled.

Go and boil your head.

God may forgive you for that, but I won't. Never, not even when I live to be 100.

But she's lived here for 60 years. She is over 80.

It would Kill her to move. She's very frail.

How frail?

What I mean, one doesn't like to think of such things with...

How long will the poor old... do you think?

Well, it's difficult to say.

Her mother, my gran lived to be 104.

104? 104! That's 24 years.

Now look, Miss Parish, we're starting on this site right away.

It's for her own good, you know.

I mean, all these old houses around here are going to be torn down.

There will be bulldozers and dynamite and dust.

It will be like the blitz all over again.

Oh she loved the blitz.

She was very happy when the bombs were falling.

She'd look out of her window and she'd shake her fist and...

Miss Parish, if people aren't reasonable with us, we can take it to the court

and let the judge decide.

Oh dear, I'm sure...

Quite right, you are sure that any court would say that a nice, modern flat

is better than a dusty old relic like this.

Let me talk to her.

I'm quite sure I can make her see the wisdom of it.

We can but try.

How dare you imagine such a thing? Go on, get out of my house and stay out.

Parish, better mark that one as doubtful.

- How are you doing? - How am I doing?

Would you really like to know?

I've just been dragged through the Kremlin backwards

and bounced by a bruiser.

Filled out the one signature.

It was a bit of a struggle but I finally persuaded him.

One? What is the good of one?

You've got to get the last one before you can start work here.

Do you know what she just said?

She said the gutters will be flowing with blood before they leave here.

I think she's right.

Don't tell me you're worried about a few old scrubbers.

You're forgetting there's a fortune in this deal and half of it is yours.

Nearly half.

No, Jimmy boy, it's all yours.

Because I am going back to the office to dissolve the partnership

before you have to borrow money at 60 percent

to repay the money you borrowed at 50 percent

to pay back the 40 percent loan.

Sid?...Sid!

Old yellow legs.

Morning.

Good morning.

I expect you're wondering why I spent the night here?

I was waiting for you.

What's in the flask?

Tea.

- Can you spare a drop? - Help yourself.

I have a throat like an axel.

I've been celebrating.

Rags to riches in 15 years.

Yeah, that's the truth and all.

I started out buying rags, did you know that?

My partner thinks I'm going back again.

My ex-partner I should say.

He's walked out and taken his share of the capital with him.

Does that mean you'll be giving up Pitt Street?

Not on your nelly.

Well if you're that skint, how can you go on with that great big office building?

Come here.

Don't let high finance baffle you girl, It's dead simple.

The secret is in using other people's money.

The building contractor cuts himself in for a share of the profits.

So he works for nothing.

I sell the offices blocks floor by floor, in advance.

So I've had a huge profits before they've even got the foundation in.

Oh that's clever, isn't it?

When it comes off.

No thanks, I'd rather smoke my own.

Go on, treat yourself, do you good.

Ta.

I'll be frank with you.

Unless I can get to work on Pitt Street,

I'll have to sell the whole site at a thumping great loss.

I'm in it up to my neck.

If I'm going to save anything out of this mess, I'm going to have to

get on to work on Pitt Street.

- Look ma, you can help me. - How?

- There's 500 quid in it for you. - 500?

- To doing what? - Nothing.

You told me yourself that nobody gives you anything for nothing.

Practically nothing.

All you got to do is persuade the sitting tenants to sign on the dotted line by Monday morning.

1000.

That's my top.

Now don't tell me you couldn't do it.

Oh, I bet you don't have two ha'pennies to scratch yourself with.

You don't understand, do you? We don't want to move.

And you don't understand.

Somebody some time is going to go ahead with a scheme down there even if I don't.

So why fight it?

So cash in, do yourself a bit of good.

What good will it do me to sell my friends?

There's one thing that money can't buy, and that's friends.

No, I reckon we'll just stick where we are.

All right, Alright I'm going to have to do it the hard way.

- Spy's in fags out. - Who is it?

Spy's in fags it? Another Jim with the wrong number.

Hey, you were saying what you was going to do.

Was I? Don't worry about it ma.

You will find out soon enough.

Thanks for the tea.

Hello, is that James Ryder?

This is Mark Strang.

I've spoken to my associates, we're prepared to come in with you

on the Pitt Street Project.

But we have to start right away.

We don't want our capital tied up indefinitely.

The contractor will start on the empty houses on Monday.

- Is that soon enough? - Yes.

I'll be frank with you Ryder, a little dicky bird told us

you had some trouble down there.

A few old bags being difficult. I can handle them.

Don't you worry.

I hope so, because if there's any trouble at all, you can count us out.

Oh, there's the pips, I'll be down first thing Monday morning.

Did I hear voices?

I was singing.

And then the supervisor came in and I just switched it off.

Yes, it's all very interesting, but I don't see how it helps your situation.

You see, even if you make things difficult for Mr. Strang and he drops out,

somebody else will step in and buy it.

- Yes, we will. - What did you say?

- I said we'll buy it. - Whatever for?

What will we do with it?

Look, if Ryder is going to get permission to build offices,

we can get permission to put up two blocks of flats with shops underneath.

They are letting our cupcakes.

But we haven't got the capital.

We will have, when the Pig Producer deal comes.

I'm afraid you don't know what you're saying.

I know exactly what I'm saying.

Look, supposing we did buy the area,

that would leave us with not a penny in the bank, right?

But how are we going to get the money to put up two blocks of flats?

I don't know how much you know about high finance.

It's not a question of high finance, it's a question of simple arithmetic.

The secret is to use other people's money.

We cut the contractors in for a share of the profit so they work for nothing

then we let off the flats before even the foundation is laid.

All we've got to do now is to wait for the pigs to bring home the bacon.

Just a moment.

Hello, Colonel Whitforth speaking.

- Roderick here. - Oh hello Roderick.

Roderick, I hear you helped yourself to some of those pig producer shares.

- Wise fellow, always follow the... - Wise fellow, have you heard the news?

- What news? - They've gone bust.

- Are you sure? - Sure.

Colonel, what is it? What is wrong?

- Swine fever. - Not our pigs?

- They haven't passed away? - All 15,000.

- Where is our capital then? - Gone, all gone.

Oh Marvellous, that is just marvellous.

What did I tell you? I told you we shouldn't risk our lot on this...

There he goes...

Order! Order!

Listen to me all of you.

The Colonel here put it to the vote and we all voted.

So it's no good blaming him, and it's no good blaming one other.

After all, it's not as if we saw the money.

It was only writing on bits of paper.

Sometimes it don't seem so important to me.

Now what is important is we can't stop Ryder pulling Pitt Street down on Monday.

High finance.

It's a funny business.

10 minutes ago we had 15,000 pigs.

Now we haven't got a ham sandwich between us.

Cor look at that.

Well that's that then. Let's have a nice cup of tea.

No, and I told you big business will beat you in the end.

Wait.

Don't tell me they've started on my place already?

I'll tell them a thing or two.

- Colonel, what brings you around here? - Important news ladies.

Colonel, what ever has happened?

Don't tell me them pigs have come back to life again?

Better than that. This just came in on the ticker tape.

Large deposit valuable minerals found in Ireland.

They discovered the deposit when they were burying the pigs.

Causing heavy speculation in Pig Producers shares.

'Ere does this mean we'll get our capital back?

Almost certainly, that and a great deal more.

Pity that happened too late to save the street.

Maybe it isn't too late.

Do you remember what Mr. Strang said?

He said, if there is going to be any trouble, I am getting out.

So we are going to see that he gets plenty of trouble, aren't we?

Colonel, you go back and look after that contraption of yours

and leave us to look after Mr Ryder and Mr Strang.

Ladies.

Shall we take your car or mine?

It will have to be yours I'm afraid.

My Rolls is away having a second telephone installed.

Had to sell it, have you?

This little bus has done me very well for 17 years.

So I don't see the sense in wasting my breath on a Rolls Royces.

Mind my handle.

'Ere look out, here comes big head.

Right oh lads, this is it.

Well I've got you again, have I?

Well lads, these are the houses we're going to knock down.

Starting of course with the empty ones.

Don't want to make any mistakes about them, do we?

6, 8, 13, 15, 18 and 22. That's the one at the end, right.

Come on lads, get the compressor going. Get the gear out of the truck.

Come along, let's be havin you, let's be havin you,

I just can't understand it.

From her heartbeat, I'd say she'll live another 20 years but.

I can find absolutely nothing wrong with her.

There it is.

But sometimes these old people know best, they know

when their time has come to pass on.

How true. How very true.

She must have absolute quiet of course

and around something to make her sleep later on.

In the meantime, give her anything she fancies, anything she fancies.

Within reason.

A drop of thin gruel or weak tea. Poor soul.

I'm going, I know I'm going.

Don't forget, absolute quiet.

Oh the noise.

Do you hear me?

Would you mind explaining what the hell you think you're trying to do?

Do you know that...

And do you realize there's a dear old lady dying in that house?

- Dying? - Yes, dying.

- You heard that bit, I suppose? - Oh yeah.

Well, if you start up your damn machinery before she...

Anyway, if you started it up I'll have the authorities on you.

Well I, I was only trying to get the work done.

How would you like it if it was your poor old mother lying up there

breathing her last?

Poor dear old lady. Lying there, wandering in her mind.

Terrified. Thinking the air raids have started all over again.

- I don't know what to do. - I can only suggest one course of action.

What's that?

We'll have to have a meeting, won't we?

- Right, brothers? - Right.

Come on, let's go.

Right brothers, I see we have a quorum

and I needn't prevail upon you to show your cards.

So I think we'll go straight ahead with the...

Would you close in a little bit brothers,

we have a spy on the outside of our little community here.

Now...

That's Ryder. And look, that must be Strang.

Are we all in agreement? Hands up then.

Must be their tea break.

Oy, what is going on here? Who is the foreman?

I am the foreman sir.

Why aren't your men working?

What?

Why aren't your men working? What the bloody hell is going on here?

Be quiet.

I'll tell you what it's all about.

There's a poor old lady lying in there sick, and dying.

And these gentlemen have kindly agreed to stop work.

Kindly agreed to stop?

Yeah, and we held a meeting.

And this resolution was passed unanimously.

This meeting seriously deprecates the derogatory effect on the old lady's health

and unanimously decides to adjourn work until status quo reins.

Are you talking about old mother Parish?

You couldn't have a derogatory effect on her health if you ran her over

with a bulldozer.

Don't listen to him.

Here's the poor old lady's daughter.

- How old is your mother, dear? - 81.

Did you hear that? Did you hear that? 81.

Isn't she entitled to a little peace and quiet?

Laying there so frail and weak.

Frail and weak? She wasn't frail and weak when I saw her.

She went into a rapid decline.

Rapid decline how...

If she's so sick, she should be in a hospital.

I'll send for an ambulance in my own expense.

She's too weak, she can't be moved.

This is a frame up.

Can't you see what she's doing?

She's trying to stop you pulling down the houses.

Have you actually seen the old bird?

No, I've actually not seen her.

Of course you haven't.

Well why don't you ask if you can see her.

After all, it's going to costs your firm a lot of money when [ sue, isn't it?

Yes, well I mean it wouldn't do any harm, would it, I mean just like to have a.

- Look. - All right then, just a look.

But remember, she's unconscious.

Well if she's unconscious, the noise can't be worrying her.

She unconscious from time to time.

Would you step this way please?

Now mother, you sure you know what to do?

Of course I know what to do.

I've seen more people snap it than the rest of this

perishing street put together.

I must ask you to keep very, very quiet please.

If you'll come this way.

Here they come.

Poor old soul.

How long do you think?

She might linger for days.

There he is, that's him.

I've thrown him out once and I throw him out again.

Get out of my house all of you.

Get out.

I told you to stay out of my house and I meant it.

Go out and stay out.

- I'm going. - She hasn't even got her hand in yet.

You stop me..

See what I mean?

What do we do now?

It's 11 o'clock.

She'll either get tired or run out of ammunition soon.

Bringing out the heavy artillery hey.

You won't get me out of my house in a million years.

Not in a million trillion years.

Take more than a bulldozer to put that old battle axe out of the ground, right?

I'll talk to the men.

'Ere what happened?

She ripped the old perishing thing, that's what happened.

Everything was going fine until she caught sight of Ryder.

Then she went start raving blooming mad.

Well?

I'll phone the police.

The sight of a couple of bobbies will knock some sense into them.

Oh believe me, once this thing gets rolling, nothing will stop it.

Absolutely nothing.

All right, I'll give it till noon.

Council of war in my house, come on.

Well I reckon they have made proper Charlies out of us.

- Definitely. - Well...

Well sir, we passed this resolution.

This meeting deplores the diabolical liberties taken and applies

non ratification to the resolution taken by the previous meeting

and declares a state of status quo now reins.

- What the hell does all that mean? - What does it mean?

It means that we go back to work.

- Wonderful, marvellous. - After tea break.

What do they want a tea break for? They haven't done anything yet.

They've been on the clock since 8:00.

Look, I'll pay them to work through their tea break.

What the... They can't do that. That would be creating a precedent.

Now what's the matter?

Well, the men are having a tea break.

- This is where came in? - No, not quite.

The men are hopping mad.

But you'll see, you'll see, when they've had their tea.

The women will wish they'd never started this.

That makes two of us.

- And they've gone to phone the police. - Oh!

So they've called in the police now, have they?

Well what can we do?

We can't fight the police whole Metropolitan police force.

Oh yes we can if we have to so no more despondent talk.

If you don't mind.

Well, what about the machines? What about when they start using them?

What about it, we'll have to stop them won't we?

I saw a picture once about the French resistance.

They didn't do so badly against the old German army.

There's more than four of them, there will be more than four of us

by the time I'm finished.

Now Harry, I want you to deliver these to all the people in the street

just as quickly as you can.

Do I understand you wish to bring a charge of assault against

poor old Mrs Parish?

I don't wish to bring a charge against anybody.

I've got some very hard men working here.

I'm warning you there might be more trouble.

Still sir, I don't see what harm they can do to a bulldozer?

You don't know those old dragons mate.

Now listen, I'm telling you straight,

if there is any more trouble and there are no police around,

I shall make out a report and see it gets to the right quarters.

Take this around to Orpington Street quickly as you can.

Come on lads, let's be having you, Come along now.

Right on, get the compressor started.

Now then, I want you to get all the plank stones out to get the bulldozer in.

Don't strain yourself, will you?

Na.

They're not jumping very fast, are they?

You know the British workman.

- Loses every battle but the last. - Does he?

Come on girls, let's get out there.

And remember, behave absolutely normal and don't do nothing illegal.

And if you do, don't get caught. Come on.

- Good morning Mrs. Pine. - Good morning all.

- Good morning. - Off you go.

Rose.

Rose.

Fancy bumping into you like this.

I haven't seen you in ages.

No it's all right, not since my operation.

Excuse me ladies I...

I come over queer on the Wednesday... no wait, I'm a liar,

it was the Tuesday.

- Oh I was, poor day. - Well I can tell, you look peaky now.

- I see you here. - I've never gotten over it you know.

You go down there and stop that shovel thing. Go on -right.

You and you, go down there and make a nuisance of yourselves there.

Where the hell have those police gone to?

Could you tell me where I can find Mr Ryder?

You have found him.

What appears to be the matter, sir?

- Saunders. - Sir.

Ask those women, ladies, to move out of the way of that shovel, will you?

Yes sir.

Comes the Friday, back I go to hospital again.

- Again? - Yeah.

The ambulance come at 1:00 and at 2:00 they was getting me ready for the table.

- When I saw that, I thought... - Ladies, would you mind please.

- Hello my girl, hello. - If you wouldn't mind...

Have you been up to something?

Look at yourself, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

A little further ladies, thank you.

Oi, Get out of it.

Well, when they turned me up and I come round,

the doctor told me I was lucky to be alive to tell the tale.

Oh how awful.

Yeah, Five hours I was laying on that table...

Now ladies, I'm afraid you're going to get hurt if you stay here.

Did they ever find out what he was in?

Are you all right... You I don't look so good.

I said you don't look too good.

I aint', I've just had a diabolical operation.

Well you ought not to be using that thing.

Quick, come here, give us a hand.

Pick him up, Right ho Here we go.

Why the hell doesn't he get some help?

Mr Ryder, if you need me, I'll be in my car.

It's bad enough with that lot, now don't you start.

Are you all right?

What a shame.

Get more help.

Get on to HQ and tell them to send around another patrol car right away.

- Go on. - Yes sir.

- You haven't had an operation, have you? - No guv'nor.

Thank God for that.

If you don't get that thing started and knock something down...

I shall go stark raving mad.

Somebody's done all my blinking fuel out.

B-Blue to MP.

B...

Now ladies, please will you move over?

Why don't you arrest them lot of them?

How the hell can I do that? They're only standing still long enough

to be locked up for obstruction.

Besides, what would I put them in? There are 50 of them at least.

- Did you get that message away? - No sir.

What do you mean no sir? I distinctly told you...

Why the hell didn't you get it away?

Well sir, my aerial dropped off. I can't understand it.

I can.

There is a telephone box over there. Go and get that message in.

And tell them I want two Black Mariahs as well now.

Yes sir.

- Do you mind madam? - Do you mind?

It's five to twelve, and I am...

I know, I know.

If something doesn't get moving soon, E Ba Gum you're going back to Bradford.

Come on, you can't stand here all day.

Excuse me ladies, thank you.

I'm not interrupting you, am I?

And I wonder if I can impress upon you how important it is

for me to carry on with this work?

Well sir, as soon as the driver comes back...

- As soon as what? - Patrol car.

The steaming nit still standing outside the telephone box.

Madam, can you make way please?

There is a woman in the box, sir.

Well get her out, man. Get her out.

Excuse me madam but...

Excuse me, now look, I am fed up with you policemen busting in here like this.

- This is a public phone box, isn't it? - I know that madam.

And I am a member of the public and I am using it, aren't I?

I have a very important call madam.

And I have a very important call and I have paid for it.

And I am making it.

Excuse me, Colonel.

There's a blue bottle in the box and it rather put me off...

- Saunders. - Sir.

Get in that car,

Go round to the station and tell them if I don't have two patrol cars

and two Black Marias here in 15 minutes...

I'll let the whole force down on the beat.

I'm a man of my word Mr Ryder.

I said I'd give it until noon and I will.

That gives you just three minutes to knock something down.

Look what you've done you.

Murderer.

Well there's no need to go out like that.

It was only an old wreck, it couldn't have been worth more than 50 quid.

Couldn't have been more than... Do you know what you're saying?

I said I'll pay.

Pay.

Pay!

Oh you'll pay all right, don't you worry.

The moment I get to Bradford, you'll be hearing from my solicitors.

I'll be suing you for shock, damage, expenses, default...

and the car.

- Funny how your luck changes, innit. - Yes it is.

To think there was going to be two blocks of offices there.

And down there a fountain.

And a golden statue. Painted, of course.

- And now? - And now you're thinking of selling.

That's right.

Just a minute, who the hell are you?

Whitforth is the name, Colonel Whitforth.

Why don't we talk it over at lunch tomorrow.

Suppose you call for me at my office.

12:00 o'clock?

Ah this is a pleasure, Mr Ryder.

Won't you come in.

I want you to meet my board.

Mrs Cragg.

You, chars, all of you, chars.

Do you mind?

So that's how you did it?

Why didn't I think of that?

You crafty old...

Now now Mr Ryder, flattery won't get you nowhere.

Mr Ryder, we've decided to invite you to join the board.

I suggest we discuss the whole matter over a bite of lunch at the Savoy.

Something terrible has happened.

All right, let's have it.

When I told mother we were going to put her in a nice new flat,

she said we wouldn't get her out of her house, not in a million years.

Oh blimey.

She can't do that to us!

We are offering her alternative accommodation.

Oh well, let's go and have our luncheon.

And then I'll go and butter up the old...

Watch it.

Shall we go?

Well, shall we join the ladies?