Original subtitles

.

- It looks good.

- Yeah, I know. I cleaned it.

- Ah, ah, ah.

It looks good to the eye.

Let's see how the glove feels.

- Do you own a pair of those just for this,

or are you half a mime also?

- Either you cleaned all the dirt,

or the dirt is white.

- Thank you.

You know, Steve, I can't help but notice

you seem to be enjoying the fact that we have

a health inspection today.

- He loves it.

He calls health inspectors "gods that walk among us."

- When other people run away from dirt,

they run towards it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, there is a kitchen

awaiting the white glove.

- You don't need to slam the door.

- It's clean.

- Emmett, you know how bad it can be

if we don't pass with flying colors.

So I'm asking you, please, let me deal

with this like a professional.

Bobbie, Emmett's standing in my way!

- What's going on out here?

- Emmett's clean-blocking me.

- I don't want Steve judging my kitchen.

It's bad enough I have to put up with Inspector

What's-His-Face later on.

- Hank? I thought you liked him.

He's always coming in here saying

so-and-so traded for so-and-so for some sports reason.

- I don't like him. You're the one that likes him.

- We get along, that's all.

- Well, he'd like to do a lot more to get along with you.

- Oh, I get it.

Emmett's jealous. This is cute.

I mean, not that look, but the situation.

- Is that right?

Is that why you're acting like such a butt?

- I've seen how he looks at you.

- Oh, grow up!

This is a business, not a playground.

- Well, good thing for Hank, or I'd take him out

behind the monkey bars.

- I hate it when Mom and Dad fight on Christmas morning.

- Wow.

Who knew my two favorite people could make such a weird vibe?

- Well, he's acting like an idiot.

It's embarrassing.

- Well, why are you smiling?

- Am I?

- I found a popcorn machine for Isabella's movie night.

- Ha ha! - Gabby, what are you doing?

- I found a popcorn machine for Isabella's movie night.

I thought what I said was pretty clear.

- No, we have health inspection today.

We can't take a chance on this old thing

giving us a bad grade.

- Oh, I do hate poor grades, as we know.

- Well, don't you worry.

I have cleaned this baby inside and out.

I even got all the gunk out from the back.

[mouse squeaking] - [screams]

- Oh, uh- [sighs]

Oh, OK, that was that squeaking.

Yeah, I can't believe

I wasted so much time oiling those wheels.

- * Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight *

* To get through the day *

* And sleep on through the night *

* But here you'll find a place *

* That'll surely lift your spirits *

* You belong at Happy's Place *

- I found it. - Oh! The mouse?

- No, the bracelet that my daughter made for me.

It keeps slipping off. I have thin wrists.

- [sighs] Come on, guys, focus.

We gotta find this critter.

- That's right, people. OK? No disasters on our watch.

Let's go! - You know what?

Maybe we're looking at this all wrong.

I mean, what if the mouse turns out to be a great chef?

Like in "Ratatouille."

- That's a great movie,

one that kids and adults cry at.

- First of all, that was a rat.

The movie was not called "Mouse-a-touille."

And could everybody please stop these idiotic conversations?

- Bobbie. - What?

- I know you're stressed,

but Gabby really is just trying to help.

Why don't you go relax and let me be the calm,

measured leader we need-

ah! It just ran over my foot!

[screaming] - Stomp on it!

- Are you crazy? That's how they explode!

- OK, all right. It is a mouse.

You are a baby, and you are a monster!

OK, nobody panic.

I just need a tiny syringe filled with knockout juice.

- Oh, you can't stab a mouse, Gabby!

- It's for you, Isabella!

- OK, knock it off.

Do you understand how devastating

this will be for the restaurant?

- Or Isabella.

- Me? No. I'm fine.

I just touched it, and that's not how

you get diseases from it because I just touched it.

- OK, guys- - [yelps]

- Get it together! Hank will be here any second.

And if he sees that mouse, it's over.

Goodbye, A-rating, and hello, bankruptcy!

- Well, you do kind of have an ace in the hole.

- What are you talking about?

- I mean, Emmett did say Hank likes you.

- [gasps] No! - Yes.

- No. - Yes, that's right.

- No.

- OK, all right, what are we getting so worked up about?

We don't need a mouse trap.

We got ourselves a honey trap.

- I can't flirt with another man!

I'm in a relationship.

- Well, to be fair, you weren't great flirting with men

out of a relationship.

- I don't like it either, Bobbie, but if it's that

or shut down the restaurant, how can you not?

- Fine.

- Where are you going? - To the kitchen,

which I now call the baby's room!

.

[upbeat music]

- This thing with Bobbie, I'm being an ass, aren't I?

- Yes.

- You could take a minute to think about it.

- Emmett, Bobbie's the most considerate person I know.

She would never do anything to make someone feel bad,

least of all you.

- Thank you, Michael Jackson.

- Hey, Steve. Can we have a minute please?

- Of course.

I'll just...beat it.

- Listen to me- - No, let me start, please.

OK? I'm sorry.

It doesn't matter how Hank acts.

It only matters how you do.

And I know you will be 100% professional.

- [chuckles] Mm. Oh, boy.

- What is it?

- Well, there's a little incident that's

happening out at the bar...

- [screaming]

- That Steve just found out about.

Gabby let a mouse loose, and it's running around everywhere.

- Well, what can I do? What do you need from me?

- Well, here's the interesting part.

I need you to be OK with me flirting with Hank.

- Uh-huh.

- See, we need to keep Hank distracted.

And if something goes wrong, he needs to cut us

some slack on the inspection.

- Uh-huh.

- It won't mean anything.

It's just something I have to do for the business.

And I just need to know, are you OK with that?

- [grunts] - I'm sorry.

Was that second word a "huh" or a "nuh"?

- No, I'm not OK with it.

There's gotta be a better way. - Well, there's not.

And I was hoping you'd be mature enough to realize

I need to do this for the tavern.

- Are you seriously asking me to be OK to let my girlfriend

flirt with another man? - Why not?

It's not like we're going on a date.

It-it's not gonna be real.

- Well, he doesn't know that. - So what?

- So everything!

- O-M-G, I never thought of it that way.

Thanks, Emmett, for opening my eyes.

- Look, if you don't understand that that bothers me.

I can't explain it to you.

- No, no, I got it. "So everything."

[laughs] Yeah.

Clear as a bell.

- [clacks tongs] Are you being sarcastic?

- Yes, I'm being sarcastic!

- Oh, hey.

So how'd it go with Emmett? - Oh.

We shared our feelings, and he cried while I held him.

- Really? - No.

Oh, sorry, we're closed this morning

for a health inspection. - I know.

I'm Monica Ulrich, Department of Health,

badge number 168.

- You're not Hank.

- I know.

Monica Ulrich, Department of Health,

badge number 168.

- I don't understand. Where's Hank?

- Hank was fired for letting some owners slide

because he liked them.

Lost his pension too.

Got off easy, if you ask me.

Shall we proceed?

- I think she killed Hank.

* *

- Have I told you how happy we are that you're here?

- Mm-hmm. - Well, we are.

We're happy, happy, happy! [chuckles]

- You have, to a suspicious degree.

- What? No!

I'm just glad that a sister is doing so great in the world.

We have to stick together. Am I right?

- You're not. - OK.

- Oh, I've never seen anyone take this much time

inspecting a bar.

- Is that a problem?

- Only if you have a problem making me swoon.

- OK, these bar mats are properly placed,

but I want you to make sure to clean underneath them

after every shift.

- Aye, aye, cap'n.

- [breathes deeply]

I'm not a cap'n.

I'm a health inspector, badge number...

[together] 168.

I know. [chuckles]

Oh!

- What are you doing?

- [sighs] Fanning.

Whew! I get hot flashes.

Better.

- Oh, hello. What's this?

Got a piece of trash here that looks like

it's been chewed by something. - Oh, that's me.

I'm a-I'm a- a paper chewer.

I had a menu for breakfast.

- Oh, Bobbie.

- I'm trying to quit.

I'm down to two napkins a day.

- OK, this cannot be as hard as we're making it.

How did Tom catch Jerry?

- He didn't.

That was the whole point of that cartoon.

- OK, you know, why are you giving me attitude?

- Because you brought in a rodent.

- Yeah, which I would have already caught by now

if you hadn't jumped on a chair like a 1950s housewife.

- That was fight or flight. - Mm-hmm.

- That was instinctual, OK?

But I am a boss, and I will solve this problem.

[gasping]

There he is!

- Oh! - Shh! Shh!

- Shh! Shh! I got it! I got it!

Shh, shh, shh!

OK, OK, OK. Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go.

Ooh, it's so much worse up close.

Look at how tiny its body is.

Oh, how are all its organs in there?

[gags] Gabby, Gabby, take it.

Ugh. [coughs]

- OK. All right, here. Shh.

[tense music]

Never caught Jerry, huh?

[laughing ominously]

Ha! - Ah!

[mouse squeaking] - Oh! Chaka Khan!

[sighs]

Really?

- It's the boss's chair. I can sit in it.

.

[upbeat music]

* *

- You can't possibly be this interested in hygiene.

- I have a little vacuum to clean my big vacuum.

- Hey, Bobbie.

Emmett said he needs to see you right away.

- Now? What for?

- Mm-mm-mm. - Fine.

Guard the door in case that mouse comes out.

- And do what?

- What is it?

- Is Hank gonna be out there much longer?

Because I need to use the bathroom.

- Seriously?

You are being such a child.

- Well, this child needs to go wee-wee.

- I don't have time to deal with your hurt feelings.

And for your information, Hank got fired.

And the new health inspector is a nightmare.

- It's not Hank?

Who is it?

Monica?

- Emmett!

You get over here! - Oh, my God.

- You get over here!

You get over here!

- Let me take a look at you.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Emmett Hawkins! Oh.

I always wondered what happened to you.

Hey, you know that barbecue place

went under three months after you left.

- No. - Yes!

I guess nobody does ribs like Big E!

- [laughs] You remembered.

That's nice. - Big E?

- Oh, we had nicknames for each other,

didn't we, Little M? - We did.

- Yeah. - Those aren't nicknames.

Those are initials.

- That's true, that's true.

But I also used to call him Hot Sauce!

- [laughs] - Oh, that's cute.

Around here, we just call him Sir Farts-a-Lot!

- Um, excuse me.

We're in the middle of an inspection,

and I've been looking forward to this for a year!

- You heard the man. Get away from each other.

- Ah! Don't do that! - OK.

Mickey is in the clubhouse.

I repeat, Mickey is in the clubhouse.

- You deal with the clubhouse.

I gotta keep an eye on the henhouse!

- [sighs] Go ahead, I got this.

It's for the tavern, right? - Hmm.

You keep winking like that, you're gonna be Little E!

OK, make this quick.

Somebody's trying to steal my hot sauce out there.

- It just stares at me and flexes its tiny hands

and fingernails. Why are they like that?

- I don't know.

Maybe we can ask him when we catch him.

OK, I need someone else to help me trap the mouse.

And currently, Isabella is-

I'm sorry, is this fight or flight?

- [sobs] Leave me alone.

- All right, Bobbie, we need to get rid

of this little intruder.

[gasps] There you are.

- Yes, we do.

The intruder has to go!

You think you can just come in here and take what's mine?

- Bobbie, it's a mouse.

It probably doesn't speak English.

You know what? Grab that box over there, OK?

All right. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

- Fence him in. Go around the other side.

All right, game over, Little M.

- Fencing, fencing. - Three, two...

- Bringing in. - One.

- Whew! Ha! - [sighs]

- And that's how you catch a mouse.

- Ah! That's not funny.

- OK, it's all clear.

- Where's Big E and Little M?

- They went to inspect the kitchen.

- Alone? - Yeah.

I lost her.

- I'm sure they're keeping it professional.

- [laughing] Oh!

Gosh, I miss this!

- Take this.

- You're nuts.

- What's going on in here? - [screams]

- What's going on out there?

- Would it make it any better if I told you it was

my emotional support mouse?

.

- I'm sorry I dropped the box, Bobbie,

and that I screamed and the mouse ran away.

It's just I heard its little fingernails

skittering around inside. Why are they like that?

- Oh, right?

- That's OK, Steve.

I shouldn't have ever given that box to you.

I let my emotions override my common sense.

- Mm, I'm sorry I snapped at you, Gabby.

I know you really were just trying to help.

Mice just kind of freak me out.

- I picked up on that.

And I'm sorry too.

I shouldn't have mocked your fear of mice.

I'm afraid of silence.

- I'm sorry too.

- What for? - I don't know.

I just want to be part of the group.

- And here we go.

- All right, give me the bad news.

How many days you shutting us down for?

- None.

Aside from the kitchen fire extinguisher being low,

everything looks good here.

- But what about the mouse?

- It's an old building. They have mice.

Just put out a few traps, and I'll be back

next week for a follow-up.

- That's it?

To think I ever loved you.

- See you later, Big E!

- Good to see you, Monica!

- Thanks for being an ally.

- I'm not an ally.

I'm Monica Ulrich,

Department of Health, badge number...

ALL: 168.

- Well, that didn't turn out so bad after all.

- Well, I'm glad y'all are all happy,

but this ain't over yet.

Hey. - Hey.

- Crazy morning, huh?

- If you want something to eat, I'd be happy to whip up

a little crow for you. - Ha, ha, ha.

I'm not the only one that was acting like an idiot.

- I know. There was plenty of dumb-ass to go around.

- You know, it's not like I don't trust you.

I do, completely.

- Well, so do I. But this is new, Bobbie.

I've never had much luck when it comes to relationships.

- Why? - A lot of reasons.

Every time I thought something was too good to be true,

it turns out I was right.

And this?

This is almost perfect.

- Hmm.

Come here.

You make me feel like a teenager again,

right down to the stupid parts.

And I'm not gonna let anything or anybody

take that away from us.

- Ditto. - Hmm.

- Mm.

- What did you mean by almost perfect?

- Well, I was pretty embarrassed

how you acted in front of Monica.

- Then why are you smiling?

- Am I? - [giggles]

- Mm-hmm.

- Mouse! - [squeals]

- Oh, I am gonna love this.

[upbeat music]

* *

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