Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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♪ Here just spike his drink ♪

♪ Why don't you do him in some old way ♪

♪ Supposed to be a funeral ♪

♪ It's been a bad bad day ♪

(foreboding music)

- Baby.

(phone rings)

(screams)

(foreboding music)

No!

No!

(phone rings)

- What?

- [Woman On Phone] He is dead.

He is dead!

- Hold on.

Tell me who is dead.

- Parsons.

Oh, Gram, Parsons.

We met at a bar.

- Are you sure he is dead?

- Yeah, he's really dead.

He's just--

- Listen...

Call an ambulance and then get out of there.

Where are you?

- [Woman On Phone] Joshua Tree Inn, room eight.

- And another flames burns out in the desert.

Gram Parsons, the standard bearer

of the new country music movement is dead

following an overdose of drugs.

While many young America's young people

are saying mornings,

their parents will view this as another example

of how today's new drug culture can so easily claim a life.

- He was so beautiful.

And he understood what my heart was feeling.

I'll never laugh again.

My inner joy has gone.

- He sang country music in a way

it had never been sung before.

It was country rock, although Gram hated that term.

And I think it's fair to say

that when Gram died, he died a star.

- We'll leave you

with the young man's own words.

Gram Parsons wrote a song called In My Hour of Darkness

which contains these words.

- And you are.

- I'm his road manager.

- Oh I see.

His road manager?

- Yeah.

- So, you're not his physician or a close relative?

- No.

- Mr. Parsons is awaiting post mortem,

he will then be delivered to his family.

I suggest you speak to them if you wanna pick

through his personal effects, sir.

- You listen--

- No, you listen here!

Mr. Parsons is dead and no longer appears to need

a road manager.

Which makes two of us.

- Hey.

Hey.

(slow music)

Hello, buddy.

How have you been?

(slow music)

(gasps)

- Good morning, doctor.

- Good morning.

- What are you doing?

Just taking some stiff down to Neurology.

- We have no Neurology department.

- Urology.

Hold your horses!

Let me get my paper work.

- I have the paper work.

- You have your paper work.

I need to get my paper work.

Gram Parsons was the best friend I ever had.

The greatest musician I ever saw.

We loved it down here in Joshua Tree.

We made a pact that whoever died first,

the other would come up here and set his spirit free.

Gram gave me his word and I gave him mine.

♪ We played king of the mountain ♪

♪ Out on the end ♪

♪ The world come chargin' up the hill ♪

♪ And we were women and men ♪

♪ Now there's so much that time ♪

♪ Time and memory fade away ♪

♪ We got our own roads to ride ♪

♪ And chances we gotta take ♪

♪ We stood side by side ♪

♪ Each one fightin' for the other ♪

♪ We said until we died ♪

♪ We'd always be blood brothers ♪

- Goddamn, I'm so sorry, baby.

- Yeah, out of a job again.

- Never would've happened if you'd been there.

- How do you know I wasn't?

- Well, if you were there, you wouldn't have let him die.

- I'm still on staff, he was still my responsibility.

So where've you been anyway?

How long this time?

Two weeks?

- Yeah.

Let's have this conversation again like you haven't

just spent six weeks on the road.

- Yeah, but I usually leave a note.

And there's a paycheck involved.

(dramatic music)

(tires screech)

- Hey, lady!

(banging on the door)

- Barbara, long time no see.

- Don't try and schmooze me, Kaufman,

you repellent slime ball.

Is that the latest victim?

- Meet Barbara.

- [Barbara] Well, it's a lot tidier than I remember.

- Who the hell is she?

- Gram's ex-girlfriend.

- Girlfriend?

I thought he was married.

- Welcome to the '70s, sweetheart.

- What do you want, Barbara?

- I'm here to fulfill Gram's wishes.

- That's nice, but I have no idea what you're talking about.

- Do you know what this is?

- No.

- It's Gram's will.

"To whom it may concern.

"I would like it to be known that it is my wish to leave

"Barbara Mansfield my assets and belongings

"in the event of my death."

Signed, Gram Parsons.

- That absolutely settles it.

I mean, that's the single most impressive legal document

since the Magna Carta.

- Still the jester, Kaufman,

and still very unfunny.

- It's not a will and you know it.

- No, it's better than a will, darling.

It's a signed promise from Gram

to leave me all of his things.

Anyway, it's none of your business, okay?

I'm here for the guitar.

- Oh, okay.

- Thank you.

- There you go.

- Aha.

- Look, I don't have the guitar.

Gretchen, his wife, took it about six months ago.

- Fine.

Then I want the masters.

I'll get them myself, thank you.

- Hey!

(dramatic music)

- Maybe you wanna check the cookie jar, too?

- Why did you let her in?

- It's all part of the grieving process.

Do me a favor, sweetheart.

Will you go grab the guitar?

- Where are you going?

- I have to make a call.

(phone rings)

- Good afternoon.

The Joshua Tree Obsequies.

- Obs what?

- It's Latin, it means burial.

- Gram Parsons was shipped into you yesterday.

Is he with you?

- Yes, he was here.

It was a real thrill for such a small facility.

We nearly had Jane Mansfield, back in '67

when she passed through but she was diverted to Frisco.

We've done him up real nice too,

but he's been moved on.

- Where to?

- New Orleans.

Although he just left, so he's still

on the road to Los Angeles airport.

Hello?

Hello?

- Phil?

Phil?

What you doin'?

- These things aren't that big.

- Okay.

Is that a problem?

- Not really.

- So what are you up to?

- It's best you don't know.

- All right.

Keys.

I don't know what this craziness is

but I'm not getting involved.

- That's the point.

- I don't know what it is you're planning,

but I'm not bailing you out this time.

- Right.

- I'm leaving!

- Again?

- This time I'm not coming back.

- I simply can't give you any money

based on this piece of paper.

- Well, this isn't a piece of paper.

This is a promise from Gram to give me all of his money.

- Ms. Mansfield, Mr. Parsons is a valued customer of ours.

- Was.

- Was.

We can't just pass his money across to someone

who says they're in his will.

We have rules.

- You don't seem to understand.

These are his wishes.

(sobbing)

- Ms. Mansfield, I truly understand.

(sobbing)

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Well, will you please just tell me

how I'm supposed to get my money?

- Well, I imagine you first you need to prove that

Mr. Parsons is actually dead.

As we have no record here.

- Are you saying I'm lying?

- No, no.

Absolutely not.

To get any copy of his death certificate

would probably be a good first step.

- Thank you.

(calm music)

(knocking on the door)

- Hey, man!

I'm looking for Larry Oster-berg!

(knocking on the door)

(calm music)

Are you Oster-berg?

- Welcome to my home.

- Nice place.

What the hell is that noise?

- Manomanjari on the sitar by Nikhil Banerjee.

- Okay.

- There's no smoking in here, I'm afraid.

- All right.

- [Larry] Who are you, please?

- I'm Phil Kaufman.

- And how may I help you, Phil Kaufman?

- I'd like to hire your car.

- Why?

- I'm picking someone up at the airport.

- Don't you know anyone with a car?

- Yes, I know someone with a car

but I'm told yours is more suitable.

- Why is mine more suitable?

- It's a hearse.

- Yeah.

How is a hearse gonna be more suitable for picking

someone up from the airport?

- It's a joke.

- A joke?

- Yeah.

A prank, a surprise.

- Oh, okay.

Is a 200 dollars worth of surprise?

- No, it's more of a 50 dollar surprise.

- I can lend you a bicycle.

- Besides, the car is booked.

- Booked how?

- I use it to carry equipment for a band.

- Look, here's 200 bucks to unbook it.

Let 'em carry their own trombones.

You don't have to count it, you can trust me.

- Let's see.

I never met you in my life,

you shout at me through my window,

you wanna hire my hearse as a joke and...

you're 20 dollars short.

Why should I trust you?

- The last 20 is for gas.

And besides I'm the one operating on trust.

I haven't seen the car yet.

- It's a hearse.

What else do you need to know?

Meet Bernice.

Bernice is a Cadillac Superior Royal

Tiara Limousine Funeral Coach.

You got a 429 V8 engine,

offering 340 BHP,

4600 revolutions per minute.

You're looking at a 21 foot beauty

with 156 inch will base.

Containing a four barrel Rochester quadrojet carburetor,

with turbo hydromatic transmission.

Bernice weighs over 6,000 pounds.

- It's yellow.

- Yeah, it's yellow.

Bernice comes in yellow.

- It's supposed to be black.

- But they're all back.

- That might be my point.

- So how is a yellow hearse covered with flowers

gonna be less of a surprise than a black hearse?

- Because I paid you 200 dollars for a black hearse.

- No, you paid me 180 for a hearse,

and a hearse is what you got.

Take a long hard look at Bernice

and you'll see she's one of a kind.

She's big, she's fast, she's beautiful, comfortable,

but she's not black.

- All right.

Give me the keys.

- Why?

- Because I gotta go.

- Oh, no, she's not going anywhere without me.

(grunting)

(engine roars)

("Flying High")

♪ I'm stuck on the L.A. freeway ♪

♪ Got rain water in my boots ♪

♪ My thumbs done froze can't feel my toes ♪

♪ I feel a little destitute ♪

♪ Wheels throwing water all over my ax ♪

♪ And Mr. Jones won't lend me a hand ♪

♪ Up come two cats in a Cadillac ♪

♪ And they say won't you hop in man ♪

♪ I went flying high ♪

♪ all the way ♪

- Oh, shit.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

- Well, what flight are they on?

- We'll wait here.

- Okay, well, what time is your flight gonna?

- Soon.

- Okay.

How soon?

- Why do you ask so many damn questions?

- I don't know.

Shouldn't we be at Arrivals?

- Will you please shut up asking me stuff?

- Okay.

Okay.

So how long are we gonna wait?

- Morning.

- Morning?

What do you mean, morning?

- We'll make the pick-up in the morning.

(laughs)

Hey!

- You wait until morning.

I'm going home.

I'm only back because I don't trust you with Bernice.

If you...

I don't even know you.

And if you think I'm just gonna walk away

and leave you with the car,

you got another thought on the way.

(dramatic music)

- Parsons.

- You just arrived from New Orleans, Mr. Parsons?

- Yes.

- And you're flying directly back to New Orleans?

On the same plane?

- That's correct.

- Well, I hope you enjoyed your stay

at Los Angeles airport, Mr. Parson.

- Thank you.

I'm here to pick up my son's body.

He died out here, you see,

and I'm here to take him home.

I hope that's enough information for you.

- I'm so sorry.

We'll see to it that you get every assistance

you need on your journey, sir.

- Most kind.

(dramatic music)

- Can I help you?

- Yeah.

I'm here to pick up a coffin.

- Name?

- Mine or the stiff's?

- The deceased.

- Parsons.

- What was his name again?

- Parsons.

P-A-R-S-O-N-S.

- Parsons.

And he is a

musician.

- Was.

He was a musician.

(sighs)

(dramatic music)

(sighs)

- Papers.

- Oh yeah.

They'll be right along.

It's been a rush job,

they said you'd understand.

- Yeah, well, you better tell them

that we've got rules.

And this would the exception that proves

that particular rule.

- Well, I'm afraid we can't issue a certificate

until we have official notification of death.

- Well, he's dead.

- (clears throat) At this current time,

the great Los Angeles Register of Births,

Marriages and Deaths does not regard

the local newspaper as an official recorder of record.

- And here's your deceased.

- Much obliged.

- Good luck with her.

- Yeah, that's a she.

- And yours is supposed to be male?

- Yeah.

- Gone.

- Gone?

What do you mean gone?

- They must've got the wrong box.

The box has been loaded.

- How do I get it back?

You're a damn thief.

- That's very hurtful.

(dramatic music)

- Gram...

- Barney, are you receiving?

- What the hell?

Excuse me.

- Why?

- I've gotta get off the plane.

- I just got settled in.

(dramatic music)

- Excuse me!

Is that your hearse?

- Hearse?

- Are you okay, boy?

- Okay?

Sure.

- [Police Officer] What you doin' here, boy?

Huh?

- Shit.

Can we speed things up a little?

- What's your hurry?

- I wanna get to Joshua Tree when it's still light.

- Joshua Tree?

They said New Orleans.

- What?

When you came in you said you're driving the casket out

to New Orleans, but just now

you said you're heading on to Joshua Tree.

- Joshua Tree, yeah.

Joshua Tree City, Louisiana.

- I never heard of that.

- It's small.

It's just another local community struggling to get by.

- I don't like the look of you.

Wherever there is a hippie, there's a crime.

Even if that crime hasn't happened yet.

It's what I always say.

- And here we are.

You should have told me it was a Berkeley.

- Hey!

- I need you to sign before you go.

And three more.

(Phil grunting)

- So what are you doing here?

- We're meeting someone off a flight.

- You're meeting someone off of a flight?

- Yes.

- In a hearse?

- Yes, it's a surprise.

- Which part is the surprise?

The fact that you're in a bright yellow hearse?

The fact that you look like something out of a horror film?

Or the fact that you're a half a mile away

from the terminal and they're gonna have

to walk across two runways to reach you.

- The first part.

- The first part?

- Okay, would you go ahead and tell me what the hell

is going on.

- Well, I don't care if it's first thing in the morning

but I need a drink!

Never signed so many darn bits of paper.

The hell with Vietnam.

It's paperwork which is slowing this great country down.

We're drowning in triplicate.

Good morning, officer.

- Good morning.

- I was saying how people with work to do,

people like yourself, officer, are engulfed by paper.

Grab the end, will you?

Doesn't that just drive you crazy?

- [Police Officer] Yeah, I guess it does.

- One casket, six sheets of paper to sign.

Six!

That can't be right.

Does that sound right to you?

- No, sure don't.

- The last thing I wanna do is hold you up with any chatter.

You have a good day now, officer.

Thanks for your help.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Just a moment, boys.

Your sidekick here just got finished telling me

about you picking someone up from the terminal.

A surprise, he said.

And here you are, loading a coffin into your vehicle.

- You see, the gentleman we're meeting at the airport

doesn't yet know about the sad passing of his aunt.

- And you're gonna meet him off his flight with her coffin?

- Yeah, we're doing it this way for the avoidance

of all doubt.

- That's a real nice touch.

- The ignition is a bit temperamental.

- All right.

- You have to use the screwdriver.

- I see that.

- Have a good day now, officer.

- We did it!

We did it!

- What did we do?

- What was all that babbling about?

- I didn't babble.

- Goddamn hippies!

- You hit the wall.

- I clipped it, I clipped the wall.

- There's a gap 50 yards wide,

all you gotta do is aim for the gap

and you missed the gap!

- I was distracted.

We are supposed to be picking someone up

and you arrivde with a coffin.

I just woke up.

- Are you on drugs, boy?

- Hello, officer.

Guess they make these hearses wider than they need to.

- Shut up!

Are you on drugs, boy?

- Not at this time.

- Not at this time?

Well, let's see, you just missed a gap of 50 yards

and you hit a wall on broad daylight.

Why was that?

- Well...

(indistinct talking on the radio)

- Well...

(indistinct talking on the radio)

- Wait.

- Fantastic, well done!

- Oh, yeah.

Now it's all my fault.

- You hit the wall, of course it's your fault!

Jesus!

Here it comes.

(siren wailing)

Well?

- Well what?

- What are we doing now?

- He said to wait.

- Nice doing, you made it through the gap that time.

(laughs)

Jesus!

What now?

- Get out.

- What are you talking about?

Come on, we gotta keep moving.

- Get out and take your friend with you.

- Look, I can see you're a bit sensitive

about this whole casket thing.

- Get out!

- Stop saying that.

I can't get out.

- Why not?

- Look man...

It ain't right to throw me out into the street

with a coffin.

Thank God.

What the hell are you doing?

- [Larry] I'm driving back to the mortuary.

- [Phil] You can't do that.

- [Larry] I'm driving you back to the mortuary.

- [Phil] Stop.

Goddamn it!

Come on, I can explain.

- Parsons?

- Parsons.

- Was he in a Berkeley?

- What's a Berkeley?

A luxury casket of solid mahogany,

finished with a splint hinged lid,

eight brass plated handles

and an engraved inscription plate.

- Empty?

- Absolutely, completely, totally.

- It seems awfully heavy for an empty coffin.

- They're made of the finest poplar,

and that's very heavy wood.

- Poplar?

No way!

Mahogany or oak.

But not poplar.

- Well, I'm not gonna argue with you over it.

Poplar is very well-suited into making the coffin.

- Okay, so, why is there an empty coffin

in the back of my car?

- I'm selling them onto a company in Palm Springs.

Lots of stiffs, lots of money.

And then of course they're very environmentally sound.

And perhaps, under these circumstances,

you and I should renegotiate the financial agreement

between us.

- You just gave the body away?

- It's not like a bank.

People around here don't generally just take

bodies they're not entitled to.

- Why did you give it to him?

- Because he signed for it.

- Who signed for it?

- John Nobody.

- John Nobody?

And where do I find this John Nobody?

(engine starting)

- There.

- Hey, wait!

Wait!

- So then, Bobby transfers them over into hardboard boxes

just prior to cremation and I'd drive the caskets

over to a guy I know from Palm Springs who resells them.

- As new?

- Well, I'm not sure the one careful owner thing

works with coffins.

- The whole thing is completely immoral.

- Yeah, well, I saw how upset you were back there

when I mentioned money.

Just think of it as recycling.

- Look, I really need to get home.

- Why?

- I just do.

- Well, while I acknowledge the power of your argument,

we have some place we need to be.

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

- What do you mean, the body was stolen?

Who the hell steals a body?

Kaufman.

Hey!

Where's that son of bitch?

- The son of a bitch isn't here.

- Yeah, well, he's stolen Gram.

- Stolen Gram?

- Mm-hmm.

They had some sort of weird pact.

I don't know, I think he's taken Gram out to the desert.

- Why?

- I don't know.

Some voodoo thing with hot wax

and dolls to stick pins in.

- That's ridiculous.

- That's a wise move, if you ask me.

- I didn't ask you.

- So where are the cops?

- I called them.

There's supposed to be a funeral in New Orleans,

I gotta find my son.

- New Orleans?

The man said he was driving the casket

to Joshua Tree, Louisiana.

- Joshua Tree?

♪ Won't you scratch my itch sweet Annie Rich ♪

♪ And welcome me back to town ♪

♪ Come out on your porch or I'll step into your parlor ♪

♪ And I'll show you how it all went down ♪

♪ Out with the truckers and the kickers ♪

♪ And the cowboy angels ♪

♪ And a good saloon in every single town ♪

♪ Oh and I remember something you once ♪

- I still don't fully understand what you do.

- Well, I do everything.

- Everything?

- This number's for drinking money.

By trade, I'm a road manager.

- One of those!

Like a well-paid gopher?

- No, not like a well-paid gopher.

I'm in charge of movement, maintenance and management.

I'm a patron and a partner.

I'm a confidante and companion.

Ally, agent and ambassador.

I'm like an executive nanny.

Not a gopher.

- Executive nanny, not a gopher.

Thanks for clearing that up.

- He's a brainless interfering asshole!

- Look, I don't know what it is that you want exactly,

but...

(phone rings)

- That's him, isn't it?

- Phil?

- Hey, baby!

It's your love machine.

- God, what a horrible thought.

Look, you're gonna rot in jail because you--

(vomits)

When I get you, you are--

Phil?

Phil!

Hello?

- Sorry, Barbs, I've gotta go.

- Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

- Kaufman?

Kaufman!

- What was that about?

- Sun stroke.

- You've hardly left the car since we met,

how can you have sun stroke?

- I'm susceptible.

- Oh, you're a winner.

You are a winner!

- You wanna see what Phil Kaufman is all about?

You wanna see what that asshole is capable of?

Huh?

Are you coming?

(calm music)

- [Phil] Pull up here.

- [Larry] This isn't the way to Palm Springs.

- [Phil] It is if you're a coffin smuggler.

- I give up.

- [Phil] What now?

- [Larry] Gas, now.

- Are you an undertaker?

- Sure I am.

- Ain't you supposed to be in black?

- No, we're special rock'n'roll undertakers.

Musical morticians.

Hey, can you slam some high test in there for me?

- This car runs on regular.

- Who says it's for the car?

- It ain't for the car?

(bangs on the door)

- Come on, hippie, let's roll!

Sun stroke, huh?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

(dramatic music)

- Good afternoon.

- Hello.

- I was wondering...

Did you happen to see a hearse pass by here

in last couple of hours?

- What's it look like?

- It's a big car, a couple of guys inside.

- Did one of them guys get sick over there?

- I don't know. Maybe.

- Yup, I've seen them.

♪ Open up the sky ♪

♪ Cause I'm coming up to you ♪

♪ So send down your wings ♪

♪ And let 'em bring me to you ♪

♪ You know I'm standing at the station ready to go ♪

♪ Oh big 'ol aeroplane ♪

♪ I'm trusting you so ♪

♪ Get on up big bird ♪

- So, the yin represents negative, the dark side,

and yang represents positive, good.

If you like the first is earth and the second, heaven.

The yin yang symbol is really evocative

about the whole concept.

As you travel around the circle,

white and black will increase.

Let me give you an example.

So, what seems to be...

In order to truly know good, you must first know evil.

Without good as a comparison...

You welcome yang.

You are waiting--

(crashes)

- It would be so nice if we could to a couple of hours

without crashing the car.

- I was distracted.

- Of course you were.

I don't believe it.

In the middle of nowhere!

Quick!

Get out of the car.

- What now?

- Pretend to have a conversation.

Okay.

- What about?

- I don't know what about, ever since I met you

you talked yabber, yabber, yaba.

Religion, your supersonic super charged car,

the dark side, now you gotta talk and you can't think

of anything to say?

Whatever your fool religion is, I think it worked.

- It's more of a philosophy than a religion.

Religion is more--

- Shut up.

(indistinct talking on the radio)

- G' afternoon, gentlemen.

- Good afternoon, oficer

How's it going?

- It's going just fine, thank you.

And how are things with you?

- Good, good.

We just stopped to take a look at this fine view

you guys got.

- Uh-huh.

It is nice around these parts, if you like the desert.

How are things with you today, sir?

- Well.

Really well, actually.

Thanks.

- The reason I ask you is you seem to have run

into one of our road signs.

I'm surprised you hadn't noticed earlier

as it does appear to be impeding your forward progress.

- That's a funny line.

- Thank you.

I was wondering if you gentlemen could give me a hand?

- Sure, anything.

- I'm looking for some fellows that stole a body

back there at the airport.

- A body?

Stole a body?

- Uh-huh, body.

Rather like the one in the back of your vehicle there.

- That's an empty coffin, officer.

- Uh-huh.

- I know it sounds strange, but these guys,

there were two of them.

They stole the body, loaded it into the back

of an old yellow hearse painted with flowers,

and they're supposed to be headed out this way.

- A hearse?

Flowers?

- I think he's onto us, Larry.

He's just having a little fun at our expense.

- Uh-huh.

In the car.

Take the keys.

- Goddamn!

- He said body.

He said we stole a body.

- He meant a coffin.

- He didn't say coffin, he said body.

- I apprehended suspects in yellow hearse with stolen body.

- Tell me we have not stolen a real person.

- Look, the place I get the coffins from

probably hasn't filed a report yet,

it'll be sorted out within the hour, trust me.

- I'm overflowing with trust for you, man.

I feel this overwhelming feeling of trust

every time I look at you.

- Damn!

- What are we gonna do?

- Time.

- What?

- We're going to get arrested

and then we're gonna go to court

and then we're gonna go to jail,

and that's what we're gonna do for a while.

- What if I could slip out of these cuffs?

- That would be great.

And then maybe we can suspend you

from a bridge in a strait jacket and light you up on fire.

- No really.

I can slip out of these cuffs.

- Show me.

- I think we should go.

We'll be moving on now that your sign

no longer appears to be impeding our forward progress.

- Hey!

Stop that car!

You hit my bike!

- [Phil] What the hell are you doing?

- Stay there!

- [Phil] Turn it on.

- [Larry] I can't, he's got the key.

- So we can escape, but we can only drive in a circle?

- Yes.

- You're going to jail.

Hey!

Hey!

Are you crazy?

(rock music)

- Wow.

That's it.

They're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.

- Why would they do that?

- You saw what happened I drove into a cop's bike,

that's destruction of police property or something.

- You worry too much.

- Not until I met you.

- [Voiceover] What are we doing?

- [Barbara] What do you mean?

- What are we doing here?

What are we chasing?

- I don't know about you, honey, but I need Gram.

- That's really touching,

but you gotta come to terms with the fact that he's dead.

- I know he's dead, honey.

Okay?

It's just that his body hasn't been officially identified

and there's no certificate of death.

- This is all about money, isn't it?

- Isn't everything?

Look, I was an orphan at 14, and a waitress at 15.

I do things the way I do them

because it puts food on the table.

Now, I just want what's mine

and then I'll be gone.

Gone real fast.

- And why do you deserve anything, Barbara?

Without my support, he would have never even made it.

Until Kaufman came along and shit on everything.

- He's not responsible for your problems with Gram.

You lost him on your own.

- What do you know?

- I know that he can be a pain in the ass,

but when it came to Gram he only did the right thing.

- Never in his life has Phil Kaufman ever done anything

because it was the right thing to do.

I will bet the ranch that wherever he is right now,

he's having some fun

because that's what he does.

That is all that he does.

- Jesus, what the hell is that?

- It's a dinosaur.

- That's very perceptive.

What's it doing?

- Polyonax Place?

Polyonax is probably some kind of dinosaur.

Dinoburgers, reptile steaks, primeval soup.

Titanosaurian portions, pre-historical prices,

liqueur served.

- Pull over, let's eat.

- Let's not.

The cop is probably right on our trail.

We'll get on to Palm Springs and do this thing

and I can go home.

And you can do whatever it is you do.

Just do it.

- We need to stop, I'm starting to get hungry,

and I ain't very nice hungry.

- I vote to keep going.

- What gave you the impression that this was a democracy?

Pull over!

- Do you have any idea what it's like to love someone?

- Sweety, that's very touching that you're in love

with Phil Kaufman but unfortunately so is he.

I'm sure you're just handy to have around.

- Okay, you vindictive, bitch.

I am going with you to Joshua Tree

'cause I wanna know what the hell is going on.

But don't you ever tell me how or what

to feel about anybody.

Or I'll smash that pretty little face of yours

off the road, got it?

- Do you kiss your mamma with that mouth?

♪ Love hurts ♪

♪ Love scars ♪

♪ Love wounds ♪

- You frighten him.

- I do not.

- Everyone else he brings the food he announces it.

Diplodocus this, alosaurus that.

With us, he slaps it down and runs cover.

Probably something to do with that rabbit food

you're eating.

- Look, I'm a vegetarian.

I have a problem with dead flesh.

- I get it.

This stuff'll mess you up every time.

(dramatic music)

♪ I'm young ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ But even ♪

- Howdy.

- Yep.

- Beer.

- Mm-hmm.

- Would you put slug of bourbon in that please?

- Sure.

Bad day?

- Yeah.

Real bad day.

- What happened?

- My boy died out here the other day

and a couple of punks stole his body.

- Oh, man, I'm sorry.

That's worth a shot on the house.

- Obliged.

- We gotta go.

- I haven't finished my drink.

- Why would someone steal a body?

- All gone.

- Maybe they are souvenir hunters or something.

He was sort of famous.

- Thanks, guys.

Who is he?

- Gram Parsons.

- Gram Parsons!

- Gram Parsons?

Gram Parsons.

That's Gram Parsons's dad?

- We better get goin'.

- He said someone took Gram Parson's body.

Two people.

- Yeah, he was a real clever mouth,

I don't think he's never going to shut up.

And although that's real interesting,

we gotta keep our schedule.

- Schedule?

What schedule?

There is no schedule.

- We gotta make our delivery,

we gotta get our package to Palm Springs, remember?

- Package?

We've stolen that man's son!

- Stolen?

His son?

That's outrageous!

I'm appalled that you could even think we would do

such a thing.

- I don't know what you take me for.

I wanna see in that box.

- We gotta go.

- It's heavy.

- Of course it's heavy, wood is heavy.

- Yeah, I remember, the finest poplar.

(gasps)

Jesus!

Jesus!

Jesus! Jesus!

- Oh boy!

Yup.

They gave us a full one!

Look, we'll sort all this out when we get in Palm Springs.

- Oh, my God!

You stole Gram Parsons!

- Technically, we stole Gram Parsons.

- I stole a coffin,

I didn't know there was a body in it.

- Save that line for court.

What are you doing?

- I don't know.

What am I doing?

I mean, what am I doing!

Why am I here?

Why am I with you?

What is going on?

- Calm down.

- It was bad enough when I ran over the cop's bike.

Now I'm a fuckin' body snatcher!

- If you can wrap it up, we could go.

- Go?

You go.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go inside and I'm gonna give that man

his son back.

I'm gonna do the right thing,

I'm going to follow my conscience.

I'm going.

- Shit.

Jesus.

Come on, hippie.

Hippie, come on.

Hippie.

Hippie, come on.

Shit.

Come on.

Sorry about that, hippie, but that's something I gotta do.

("Bad Penny")

♪ Well like a bad penny you've turned up again ♪

♪ You're in my sight ♪

♪ There's a mist on my lens ♪

♪ I think you know how it was ♪

♪ When I tripped and fell ♪

Welcome back, hippie.

- Why did you do it?

- Do what?

- Have a guess.

- I gave my word, this is what Gram wanted.

- What?

Cruise him around the desert until he started to smell?

Well?

- I made a promise, I keep it.

(tires screech)

- You made me do it, you jerk.

I never hit anyone in my life.

You pushed and you pushed.

You gave me no choice.

(dramatic music)

Come on, Bernice.

Not your lights.

Not now.

(clicking)

Shit.

Shit, shit!

Shit!

(dramatic music)

- Yeah?

- I'm one of the guys that took your son.

- Where is he?

- May I come in?

- Phil!

Phil.

What happened to your head?

- A hippie hit it.

I thought you had gone.

- Hold that thought.

- What the hell does that mean?

It means I need to know what the hell is going on here.

- I told you what's going on!

He's gonna set fire to my Gram at some freaky ceremony

with black magic and dolls.

- Dolls?

- I want my man back.

I had enough of this shit.

- Where are the keys?

Shit.

- Whatever happened to peace,

love and understanding, hippie?

- You're Kaufman?

- Yeah.

- Oh, hello, Stanley.

Remember me?

The psychotic girlfriend?

- Hello, Barbara.

Nothing wrong with your memory.

You boys mind telling me why you stole my son?

- I didn't know he was in the box.

- I'm gonna cremate him out here in the desert

where he felt at home.

That's what he wanted.

- The hell you are, Kaufman.

- No, I can't let you do that.

- I know you have to.

- I don't have to do anything, Mr. Kaufman!

This is my loss, my son.

- It's to late to claim him now.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- All he ever wanted from you was your approval.

He wanted you to be proud of what he'd achieved.

- Of course I was proud of him.

I saved everything.

Every photo, every album, every article.

- It's no good telling me, you should have told him.

- I understand you were his right hand man,

as well as his friend.

- I was both, yeah.

- And that when he died, you weren't there.

When he needed you the most.

- That's right.

- So the guilt is not all mine then.

- I guess not.

I lost him once in life, and now you're trying to

to take him away from me again.

- Oh, God, can we just cut through this?

Okay?

Now, you two stole the body.

Theft.

And you are an old fool who should've called the police

but hasn't.

Stupidity.

Now, let's just call the cops and get this thing done.

Okay?

The sooner we get a death certificate and bury him,

and then his soul will be properly laid to rest.

- That's it.

- Hey.

(grunts)

Get your hands off of me!

- Give me a chair.

- [Barbara] Let me out of here!

You're in trouble, Kaufman!

This is bullshit, Kaufman!

- I was his road manager and his friend.

We both loved it out here in the desert.

We had a pact that whoever died first,

the other would come out here and set him free.

Gram gave his word and I gave mine.

- You're a couple of druggies, why should I believe you?

- Sir, I don't take drugs.

- What about you?

Are you a druggie?

- Yes, I am.

- [Barbara] Stanley!

They're gonna burn your son, Stanley!

- Nice work.

- [Barbara] Sick bastard!

- Let's go.

- [Larry] Hey, man.

- What?

- I can't do this.

- Just do what feels right to you.

- Goddamn it.

- You called them?

- No.

- Are you gonna call them?

- You haven't given me a reason not to.

- There is no reason.

If someone tried to steal my son's body,

I'd stop them for sure.

- So, are you prepared to go to jail?

- We're expecting to.

- [Barbara] Don't you worry, Kaufman.

It's gonna happen.

- Mr. Parsons.

- What is it, son?

I've been a junkie for over four years--

- You don't need to--

- I've taken heroin, speed,

uppers, downers, blues,

morphine, methadone, mushrooms, Quaaludes,

acid, valium, barbiturates,

straight LSD, marijuana,

marijuana laced with opium.

Nembutone,

mescaline, of course,

and medicinal methaqualone which

made me shake uncontrollably

for six days and vomit on the hour.

- It's very impressive, son.

- Not my point, sir.

- You'd better make that point.

- I started working my way through this list

on June 5th, 1969 and since then,

there hasn't been a day when I didn't at least

smoke a joint.

- Are we sure this is helping?

- And now I stopped.

I stopped because it seemed I had

something more important to do.

He is doing this because he gave his word.

And I'm prepared to do it now because I think it's right.

I believe everybody has a soul

and Gram's soul does not belong

in some family plot surrounded by strangers.

It belongs out right here, where it was happiest.

(dramatic music)

- I'll go outside and say goodbye to my son.

- Did you really take all those drugs?

- I don't remember.

- Where did he go?

- [Barbara] You're going to prison!

You'll be somebody's bitch in there, Kaufman!

(grunts)

(dramatic music)

Oh, thank God.

(indistinct talking on the radio)

Hi, listen, I know I was going really fast,

but you have to help me, okay?

They have stolen my boyfriend's corpse

and they are going to perform a ritual with his body.

- May I see your driver's license, please, ma'am.

- Excuse me. What?

- Your driving license, ma'am.

- I just told you they stole a body

and you wanna see my driver's license?

Okay.

Okay.

Officer Larcen.

You people are supposed to be on the lookout for a hearse.

Okay.

A hearse is a big long car.

Now, you can usually tell which ones are the hearses

because they have coffins in the back of them!

Now, the one you're looking for is painted yellow.

Does this look like a yellow hearse to you,

you homosexual!

Is that a ticket?

Are you writing me a ticket?

- Yes, it is, ma'am.

And yes, I am.

(grunts)

- Turn off here, man.

Could you give me a hand here?

Jesus, Gram!

Sorry, Gram.

- What now?

- Now we do it.

- Lift up the lid.

- What?

Why?

- Flesh burns easier than wood.

- I have a problem with dead flesh.

- You look a little peaky, man.

- A little decorum would be nice.

- Right.

You think that's enough?

- I don't know.

Maybe a little more.

- Enough?

- I'm not having a conversation with you about how much gas

you need to burn a human body.

- That should do it.

- There's a little left.

I'm sorry I wasn't there

when you threw away your damn fool life.

I was there before

and I've been there ever since.

Good luck, Gram.

Here's my last one, buddy.

("A Song For You")

♪ Oh my land ♪

♪ Is like a wild goose ♪

♪ It wanders ♪

♪ All around everywhere ♪

♪ Trembles and it shakes ♪

♪ 'Til every tree is loose ♪

♪ It rolls the meadows ♪

♪ And it rolls the nails ♪

♪ So take me down ♪

♪ To your dance floor ♪

♪ I won't mind the people ♪

♪ When they stare ♪

♪ Paint a different color ♪

♪ On your front door ♪

♪ And tomorrow ♪

♪ We will still be there ♪

♪ Jesus built a ship to sing a song to ♪

♪ It sails in rivers and it ♪

(explosion)

- Jesus, what the hell is that?

- That would be Gram Parsons on fire.

- Maybe too much fuel.

- No, I didn't factor in the amount of booze he had in him.

(siren wailing)

- Shit!

- How do you know that's your boyfriend?

- I recognize the birth mark on his shoulder.

You know, officer, can I make an observation?

- Knock yourself out.

- We're in the desert, and it's dark.

And if you wanna catch somebody in the dark,

it's probably best not to turn on your big flashing lights

and make a big loud noise with the siren.

- You wanna know what I think, ma'am?

- No.

- It was suicide.

Maybe he just wanted to get away from you.

(sighs)

(dramatic music)

- Hello, Gram.

- Phil.

- You think you should?

- It's not gonna hurt me now, is it?

Nice wheels.

It's very stylish.

- They come in handy for transporting dead people.

Nothing better.

- I'm dead, then, huh?

- You're more than dead.

You and the box are down to bones and brass.

- Well, all right.

Here's mud in your eye.

- What can I do for you, Gram?

- I guess I just wanted to say thanks.

I'm just taking care of business.

That's what you paid me for.

That's what I do.

- You shooting for a raise?

- Actually, I just quit.

Goodbye, Gram.

- Goodbye, Phil.

- I'm glad it all worked out.

- What?

- I'm glad it all worked out.

- Oh, what worked out?

- It doesn't matter?

Can we go?

I'm getting sick of sand.

Baby, we're boogying.

("Movin' On Up")

♪ I was blind ♪

♪ Now I can see ♪

♪ You made a believer ♪

♪ Out of me ♪

♪ I was blind ♪

♪ Now I can see ♪

♪ You made a believer ♪

♪ Out of me ♪

♪ I'm movin' on up now ♪

♪ Getting out of the darkness ♪

♪ My light shines on ♪

♪ My light shines on ♪

♪ My light shines on ♪

♪ I was lost ♪

♪ Now I'm found ♪

♪ I believe in you ♪

♪ I got no bounds ♪

♪ I was lost ♪

♪ Now I'm found ♪

♪ I believe in you ♪

♪ I got no bounds ♪

♪ I'm movin' on up now ♪

- Get out of here.

Finish it.

- Well, we did it.

We saved his soul.

- Singed my damn mustache, that's for sure.

- Shall we?

- Yeah, let's roll, hippie.

- You got the wrong guy.

I didn't do it.

(rock music)