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1
00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:09,310
[Nametag Alexander's
"Not At All"]
2
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:13,758
- Welcome back to Roman
candle baseball World Series.
3
00:00:13,758 --> 00:00:15,793
Sam Duvet at the bat.
4
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,586
They've just
integrated the league.
5
00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:20,344
He's coming to us from
the Roman candle baseball
6
00:00:20,344 --> 00:00:21,689
negro leagues.
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00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,241
- It's a proud day for me.
8
00:00:23,241 --> 00:00:24,620
- He was not very good there,
9
00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:27,413
but he is fantastic
with the whites.
10
00:00:27,413 --> 00:00:29,689
- I feel like
Superman on Earth.
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00:00:29,689 --> 00:00:31,724
I got powers here, baby.
12
00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:35,172
- Lot of folks in the stands
not happy with the decision.
13
00:00:35,172 --> 00:00:37,482
[Southern accent]
Get him off the field!
14
00:00:37,482 --> 00:00:39,413
This a white man's sport!
15
00:00:39,413 --> 00:00:42,172
They'll steal our women!
16
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,793
- Say hello to a new day,
you white pieces of shit!
17
00:00:44,793 --> 00:00:46,551
- Here comes the first pitch!
18
00:00:46,551 --> 00:00:49,068
[Roman candle fires]
Strike one!
19
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:50,517
[Roman candle fires]
Strike two!
20
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,448
[Roman candle fires]
- Crap!
21
00:00:52,448 --> 00:00:54,689
[Roman candle fires]
- Oh sh--Chrissy, spray him!
22
00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:58,172
Spray him, Chrissy,
spray him off!
23
00:00:58,172 --> 00:00:59,793
- Dumbass.
24
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,586
- Actually, all y'all
are a bunch of dumbasses
25
00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:03,448
if you ask me.
- Hey, Lois.
26
00:01:03,448 --> 00:01:05,448
- Hey, girl.
27
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:07,586
Tim Cramblin, you still here?
28
00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:09,517
- Hey, Lois.
29
00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:11,620
- I've been working
the line next to your wife
30
00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:14,655
for the last ten years,
and every day I ask her
31
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:17,586
when is she gonna
dump your sorry ass?
32
00:01:17,586 --> 00:01:20,172
- What does she say?
She says she's not, right?
33
00:01:20,172 --> 00:01:22,620
- [laughter]
Hey, Sam.
34
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,655
- Hey, Lois.
35
00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:26,586
- If you're not careful, I'm
gonna have to leave my husband
36
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,275
and run away with you.
37
00:01:28,275 --> 00:01:29,827
Actually, I've got
30 seconds right now.
38
00:01:29,827 --> 00:01:31,379
You want to show me
what you got?
39
00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:32,793
- Oh, I'm gonna need
more time than that.
40
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:33,862
Like at least a half hour.
41
00:01:33,862 --> 00:01:35,689
[laughter]
42
00:01:35,689 --> 00:01:37,793
- Yeah, that's because he
gonna have to take a dump
43
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,724
before and after.
44
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,206
- First of all,
how do you know that?
45
00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:42,517
Second, shut up.
46
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:43,862
- You want to make me?
47
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:46,827
- Do I have to?
48
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:48,379
- Don't hit her
in the face, Sam.
49
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:50,310
Actually go ahead.
It might shake
50
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,551
that shit back into place.
51
00:01:51,551 --> 00:01:53,344
[laughter]
52
00:01:53,344 --> 00:01:55,586
- You think I enjoy working
next to you every day?
53
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,724
You're like a chimney
with titties!
54
00:01:57,724 --> 00:01:59,655
- Yeah, old baggy ones too!
55
00:01:59,655 --> 00:02:01,655
You better look out,
Tommy Hearns will come by
56
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:02,620
and bounce those
things around like--
57
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,827
[imitates speedbag]
58
00:02:04,827 --> 00:02:07,206
- Yeah, Lois, you're
no prize yourself.
59
00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:09,275
You're pretty old,
you smoke, you eat like crap,
60
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:11,310
Frickin' disgusting.
- Tim!
61
00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:13,482
- How is that different from
what you guys were doing?
62
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:15,896
- It can't be like real, Tim.
63
00:02:15,896 --> 00:02:17,413
- I see you still
don't have kids.
64
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:18,862
You still shooting blanks,
Tim?
65
00:02:18,862 --> 00:02:20,827
- Heck no, I'm packed
full of sperm.
66
00:02:20,827 --> 00:02:23,551
They're huge too. I can feel
them inside me right now.
67
00:02:23,551 --> 00:02:25,310
Sometimes they hurt
when they blast out.
68
00:02:25,310 --> 00:02:26,965
- Tim, come on.
69
00:02:26,965 --> 00:02:29,793
- I'm joking. I don't know
how to do it, I guess.
70
00:02:29,793 --> 00:02:31,724
♪ ♪
71
00:02:34,448 --> 00:02:36,344
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
72
00:02:36,344 --> 00:02:37,655
Can we have one of those?
73
00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:39,758
- Oh, by all means.
74
00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:41,931
Ladies, be my guest.
75
00:02:41,931 --> 00:02:45,655
- "Be my guest."
You proper!
76
00:02:45,655 --> 00:02:47,689
- Excuse me?
- You talk proper.
77
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,206
- What do you even mean?
78
00:02:49,206 --> 00:02:52,551
- The way you talk is proper.
79
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:57,896
- Proper? Shoot, girl.
Far from it.
80
00:02:57,896 --> 00:03:00,724
- Oh, okay.
Is this your house?
81
00:03:00,724 --> 00:03:02,827
- Yeah, this the crib
right here.
82
00:03:02,827 --> 00:03:04,551
- Okay.
83
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:08,793
This is my homegirl Jasmin,
but she got a boyfriend.
84
00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,931
I'm Angel, though.
85
00:03:10,931 --> 00:03:12,517
- Oh, for real--oh, word?
86
00:03:12,517 --> 00:03:13,620
- Word.
87
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:14,689
- I'm Sam.
88
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,620
[fireworks exploding]
89
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:19,620
Oooh!
90
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:22,482
I mean, that's it?
Shoot.
91
00:03:22,482 --> 00:03:24,689
I mean that last one,
though, was spectacular.
92
00:03:24,689 --> 00:03:26,758
- Sam! Did you
see that last one?
93
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:28,965
Whoa!
- [mouthing]
94
00:03:28,965 --> 00:03:31,793
Yo, patriotic as a muh.
95
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:34,310
- Happy Fourth of July,
everybody!
96
00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:35,931
- Happy Fourth, Lois.
97
00:03:35,931 --> 00:03:38,689
- I love you,
you little bony bitch!
98
00:03:38,689 --> 00:03:41,689
[soft organ music]
99
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:47,241
♪ ♪
100
00:03:47,241 --> 00:03:48,689
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
101
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,620
- How you doing?
- I'm holding up.
102
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:54,310
- Hang in there, dum-dum.
Love you.
103
00:03:54,310 --> 00:03:57,827
- Guys, this is Elwood.
He was Lois' husband.
104
00:03:57,827 --> 00:04:02,344
- Oh, we're so sorry for your
loss. We loved Lois very much.
105
00:04:02,344 --> 00:04:04,551
- Damn emphysema.
If only I told her not
106
00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:06,551
to smoke that last cigarette.
107
00:04:06,551 --> 00:04:09,689
- I don't think it was the
last cigarette that did it.
108
00:04:09,689 --> 00:04:11,482
[whispered]
Plus she ate like shit.
109
00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:12,965
- Tim!
110
00:04:12,965 --> 00:04:14,827
- Let us know if
you ever need anything.
111
00:04:14,827 --> 00:04:17,931
Someone to hang out with
or just someone to talk to.
112
00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:19,620
- Tomorrow.
113
00:04:19,620 --> 00:04:20,862
- Huh?
114
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:24,551
- Well, let's
hang out tomorrow.
115
00:04:24,551 --> 00:04:26,448
- Okay.
116
00:04:26,448 --> 00:04:28,793
Yeah, that'll be nice.
117
00:04:28,793 --> 00:04:30,793
- Oh!
- Oh, no!
118
00:04:30,793 --> 00:04:32,724
- What in the world?
119
00:04:32,724 --> 00:04:35,724
- Move on! This was her final
wish. We respected it.
120
00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:37,310
Now just move on!
121
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:40,896
- Ohh.
- So waxy.
122
00:04:40,896 --> 00:04:44,758
She looks lovely.
- Thank you.
123
00:04:44,758 --> 00:04:46,827
both: Whoa!
124
00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:50,793
- ♪ Next time when they ask
you where you're from ♪
125
00:04:50,793 --> 00:04:52,793
♪ You gonna say Detroit City ♪
126
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,517
♪ Where we get you
back on your feet ♪
127
00:04:55,517 --> 00:04:58,068
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
128
00:04:58,068 --> 00:04:59,862
- Good afternoon.
129
00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:03,724
Lois Warfield
was a dedicated friend,
130
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:06,793
a loving wife, and
a proud union autoworker.
131
00:05:06,793 --> 00:05:11,103
And while we mourn her loss,
let's look at the bright side.
132
00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,655
God's car's gonna be running
a little smoother tonight.
133
00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:15,758
[laughter]
134
00:05:15,758 --> 00:05:17,655
And trust me,
you know the big man
135
00:05:17,655 --> 00:05:19,551
won't be driving an import.
Amen.
136
00:05:19,551 --> 00:05:21,517
[laughter]
137
00:05:21,517 --> 00:05:23,103
- It's not funny.
138
00:05:23,103 --> 00:05:24,931
They're just laughing
'cause he's a pastor.
139
00:05:24,931 --> 00:05:26,689
- I know, he's capitalizing on
these people's sorrow.
140
00:05:26,689 --> 00:05:28,517
It's bullshit.
141
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:30,448
- Some of Lois' friends
and family have asked
142
00:05:30,448 --> 00:05:31,758
to say a few words.
143
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,896
- Looking in the crowd at
the faces of all my coworkers,
144
00:05:41,896 --> 00:05:44,655
I'm gonna miss all the shit
that Lois said about you
145
00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:45,758
every single day.
146
00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:47,827
[laughter]
147
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:51,068
- I mean, Fred, with Lois gone,
who I'm gonna laugh with
148
00:05:51,068 --> 00:05:52,724
about your double chins?
149
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:53,931
- Double chins?
150
00:05:53,931 --> 00:05:55,862
That's muscle, playa.
151
00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:58,137
- A lot of people
thought Lois was mean,
152
00:05:58,137 --> 00:06:00,103
but I knew with every jab,
153
00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:02,206
every insult,
154
00:06:02,206 --> 00:06:06,310
it was just her way
of saying "I love you."
155
00:06:18,206 --> 00:06:20,758
- I don't know what
I'm gonna do without Lois.
156
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,137
Who's gonna make my sandwich?
157
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:29,827
Who's gonna make my bed?
158
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:36,034
- Mm? That's it?
159
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,034
- Okay, then.
- That's all he's gonna say.
160
00:06:38,034 --> 00:06:40,137
- And we gotta hang out
with this guy tomorrow.
161
00:06:40,137 --> 00:06:42,137
- Well, you do.
- Thank you, brother Elwood.
162
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:44,034
- Thank you.
- No problem.
163
00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:46,241
- It was a lovely service.
Thank you.
164
00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:48,551
- Thank you, thank you.
I'm sorry again for your loss.
165
00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:50,206
- Thank you.
- All right.
166
00:06:50,206 --> 00:06:52,000
- Yeah, I just want to say it
was a beautiful service,
167
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,793
but you and I both know
you wouldn't have gotten
168
00:06:53,793 --> 00:06:55,517
those laughs
if you weren't a pastor.
169
00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:57,068
- [scoffs]
I'm sorry?
170
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,862
- Oh, it's no big deal.
I don't care.
171
00:06:59,862 --> 00:07:02,000
I'm just saying you're
not actually funny,
172
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,896
so don't feel proud
about today.
173
00:07:04,896 --> 00:07:06,206
- People grieve in
their own ways, son.
174
00:07:06,206 --> 00:07:07,793
- No. No.
- I just wanted to say,
175
00:07:07,793 --> 00:07:09,793
beautiful service.
- Oh, thank you.
176
00:07:09,793 --> 00:07:11,517
- I hope you don't think you
deserved any of those laughs--
177
00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:13,103
- No, I just told him.
I just told him.
178
00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:15,000
- Oh, okay.
- I just gave him the heads up.
179
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,689
- Okay, yeah, that's the worst
kind of hack there is.
180
00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:18,275
- Beautiful service, though!
- Beautiful!
181
00:07:18,275 --> 00:07:19,655
- Thank you again, gentlemen.
My condolences.
182
00:07:19,655 --> 00:07:21,000
- Can't wait for tomorrow, Tim.
183
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,241
- Yeah, me neither.
I'll be by then.
184
00:07:23,241 --> 00:07:24,827
- And you'll stay a while?
185
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,000
- Yes.
186
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:34,965
Ugh. You invited Angel
to a funeral?
187
00:07:34,965 --> 00:07:36,586
- Nah, she's just
picking me up.
188
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,103
I wanted her to see me
in this suit.
189
00:07:38,103 --> 00:07:39,551
- I mean, you do look good
in that suit.
190
00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:41,655
Oh, and some buffs!
191
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,103
Oh!
192
00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:45,172
- You're ready?
I'm sorry about your friend.
193
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:48,724
- No, no, it's cool,
it's cool. I mean, she flown.
194
00:07:48,724 --> 00:07:51,068
But I tell you what, baby, why
don't you go grab the whip.
195
00:07:51,068 --> 00:07:53,758
Uh... I gotta holla at
my--my baby right here
196
00:07:53,758 --> 00:07:54,896
about some business real quick.
197
00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:57,896
- Okay.
- All right.
198
00:07:57,896 --> 00:07:59,965
- Shut up, Tim.
- All right, then.
199
00:07:59,965 --> 00:08:01,862
- All right?
- You're gonna get busted.
200
00:08:01,862 --> 00:08:03,655
- I'm not gonna get busted.
I can keep this up.
201
00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,000
- Sam!
- Huh?
202
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,689
- You comin'?
- Chill, baby,
203
00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:08,965
I ain't said nothing
but a motherfu' word.
204
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:13,827
- See ya, Sam.
205
00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:18,586
- Yeah, baby. No,
oh, word? Shoot!
206
00:08:18,586 --> 00:08:20,206
[laughs]
Yeah.
207
00:08:20,206 --> 00:08:22,862
Yeah, yeah, no.
It ain't nothing but a thing.
208
00:08:22,862 --> 00:08:25,793
All right. Yeah,
I'll run through then.
209
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:28,068
All right, peace.
That was Angel.
210
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:30,137
- Yeah, I know,
because of how you talked.
211
00:08:30,137 --> 00:08:31,758
- Did it sound natural?
212
00:08:31,758 --> 00:08:33,931
- No, you're gonna
get busted.
213
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:39,206
- Shoot, I'm gonna be
just fine, pl-pl-pep boy.
214
00:08:39,206 --> 00:08:40,724
- Pep boy?
- Oh, no.
215
00:08:40,724 --> 00:08:42,206
- Uh-oh!
216
00:08:42,206 --> 00:08:44,000
- See you later.
I'm going to work.
217
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,758
- Okay. You're gonna
be all right?
218
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,344
It's gonna be tough
working with someone new.
219
00:08:47,344 --> 00:08:49,689
- Yeah, I know, but I'm
gonna go in with an open mind.
220
00:08:49,689 --> 00:08:50,862
- Mm-hmm.
- She won't be Lois,
221
00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,344
but no one is.
222
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:54,344
- Ah, but, Chrissy,
think of how hard
223
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,931
it's gonna be on your new
linemate when she finds out...
224
00:08:56,931 --> 00:08:58,206
Never mind.
225
00:08:58,206 --> 00:09:00,620
- What?
226
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,137
- It was just
a perfectly-worded slam
227
00:09:02,137 --> 00:09:03,275
that would've totally
devastated you,
228
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:05,862
but you're grieving, so...
229
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,137
- Thank you, Sam.
- Thank you, Sam.
230
00:09:07,137 --> 00:09:08,689
- You're welcome.
- So nice of you.
231
00:09:08,689 --> 00:09:11,586
Bye. I love you.
- Love you too.
232
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:15,655
[doorbell rings]
233
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,862
- Hey, I'm here.
- Come on in,
234
00:09:20,862 --> 00:09:22,000
I'll show you
around the house.
235
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,620
- Okay. Sure.
236
00:09:28,793 --> 00:09:31,034
- This used to be our room.
237
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:34,241
Pictures. Lamp.
238
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,103
That used to be our bed.
239
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:41,413
Sorry it's a mess,
but Lois used to make the bed.
240
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:46,068
Now, she's gone.
241
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:49,344
- Hey, I can make the
bed for you, Elwood.
242
00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,655
- You'd do that for me?
- Yeah, I'd be happy to.
243
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:52,827
Yes.
244
00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,862
- Wow, look at you.
245
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:01,172
You're a pro at that.
246
00:10:01,172 --> 00:10:03,413
- Oh, I don't know about that.
247
00:10:03,413 --> 00:10:05,965
Thank you.
248
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:07,827
- This is the kitchen.
249
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,724
Lois used to make
sandwiches for me
250
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:11,793
in here when she was alive.
251
00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:14,103
Now she's sandwiches
for worms.
252
00:10:14,103 --> 00:10:16,862
I sure am hungry.
253
00:10:16,862 --> 00:10:18,896
- I can make you
a sandwich, Elwood.
254
00:10:18,896 --> 00:10:20,793
- Well, you were so
good at making that bed.
255
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:22,275
- [laughter]
Shut up.
256
00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:27,000
- You're a good man, Tim.
257
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,689
- Yeah, well,
everybody loved Lois,
258
00:10:28,689 --> 00:10:30,310
so it's no
problem at all.
259
00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:36,931
- What's the ETA
on that sandwich?
260
00:10:36,931 --> 00:10:40,068
- It's coming.
- Like five?
261
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:42,344
Ten?
- Probably ten.
262
00:10:42,344 --> 00:10:44,862
- Five would be better.
263
00:10:44,862 --> 00:10:46,862
- Okay, yeah.
264
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:49,758
I'll see what I can do.
Everybody loved Lois very much.
265
00:10:49,758 --> 00:10:51,862
♪ ♪
266
00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:56,413
- ♪ You came into my life ♪
267
00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:59,137
- Oh, baby, how about
"Star Century Prime"?
268
00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:00,793
You know? I heard it
just came out today,
269
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,206
it looks good as mud.
270
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,724
- No, let's just go
see "Fat Bieber."
271
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:05,172
- Yeah, it does
look hilarious.
272
00:11:05,172 --> 00:11:07,068
- Yeah.
- Hell yeah.
273
00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:09,137
But you know, I heard
"Star Century Prime"
274
00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:11,793
is 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.
I mean that's consensus.
275
00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:14,137
- Well, you know, Jasmin
saw "Fat Bieber" yesterday,
276
00:11:14,137 --> 00:11:16,862
and she said it was real funny.
- Jasmin said that, huh?
277
00:11:16,862 --> 00:11:19,482
Yeah, well, I guess she knows
more than Leonard Maltin.
278
00:11:19,482 --> 00:11:21,413
- Leonard Maltin!
- [laughter]
279
00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:23,448
No, you know what? Let's
go to "Fat Bieber" then.
280
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:25,793
Shoot, we might mess
around and see two movies.
281
00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:27,793
- You play too much.
- No.
282
00:11:27,793 --> 00:11:31,896
- ♪ Whoa, baby, whoa, baby
I'm coming home ♪
283
00:11:31,896 --> 00:11:34,000
♪ Baby, whoa, baby ♪
- Yo, Chrissy!
284
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,482
Bring it in, bring it in.
285
00:11:35,482 --> 00:11:37,413
Chrissy, this is Margaret,
your new linemate.
286
00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,275
Margaret, this is Chrissy.
287
00:11:39,275 --> 00:11:41,827
She gonna be showing you the
ropes, all right? All right.
288
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,241
- Hey, Margaret.
- Chrissy, nice to meet you.
289
00:11:44,241 --> 00:11:46,344
- You check out Fred
and his double chins?
290
00:11:46,344 --> 00:11:48,344
His neck lookin' like
a sideways butt.
291
00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:50,137
- He was very nice to me.
292
00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:52,275
- Yeah, sure, sorry.
293
00:11:52,275 --> 00:11:54,482
My old linemate and I
used to make fun of people.
294
00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:56,000
Just our way of showing love.
295
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,896
- Well, I was
bullied as a kid,
296
00:11:57,896 --> 00:12:00,206
so that sort of thing
isn't fun for me.
297
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:03,275
- Oh, sorry.
Kids can be so mean.
298
00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:05,931
Kids made fun of me because
my head was always in a book.
299
00:12:05,931 --> 00:12:08,172
- My hairline started
at my eyebrows.
300
00:12:08,172 --> 00:12:10,103
- [suppressed laughter]
301
00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:12,137
That must've been
very hard for you.
302
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:14,000
- It was.
303
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,172
- So you were like Moe
from "The Three Stooges?"
304
00:12:17,172 --> 00:12:18,310
Shit!
305
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:23,965
- Okay. Back door's locked
and I checked the crawlspace.
306
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:25,931
Nobody in there.
307
00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:28,896
Well, Elwood, I've had a great
entire Sunday with you.
308
00:12:28,896 --> 00:12:32,413
- Do you mind staying until
I fall asleep? Lois used to.
309
00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:34,068
- Yeah, but she used
to live here.
310
00:12:34,068 --> 00:12:35,517
- And she died here.
311
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:39,275
- [sighs]
312
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:41,000
- I don't know how I'm
ever gonna get to sleep
313
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,275
without the smell
of smoke in here.
314
00:12:43,275 --> 00:12:46,758
- I'm not smoking, Elwood.
I don't smoke.
315
00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:49,862
Nighty night.
316
00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:57,137
- Oh, no! Yo, I grew up
and got fat, yo!
317
00:12:57,137 --> 00:12:59,068
[laughter]
318
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:00,482
I'm gonna have to go back
in Usher's time machine
319
00:13:00,482 --> 00:13:03,206
and warn myself
not to smoke weed!
320
00:13:03,206 --> 00:13:05,000
- Mm-hmm!
Don't you do it, Justin!
321
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,586
You smoke that kush!
[laughter]
322
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,206
- Babe, I'm trying
to listen, okay?
323
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,551
If we're gonna talk,
we're gonna talk,
324
00:13:09,551 --> 00:13:10,931
but if we're gonna
watch the movie,
325
00:13:10,931 --> 00:13:12,310
let's just
watch the movie.
326
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,379
- Okay, here I go!
Come on, Sammich.
327
00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:15,517
- Man, that nigga fat!
328
00:13:15,517 --> 00:13:17,965
[laughter]
329
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,344
- Let's maybe leave the
jokes to the professionals.
330
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:21,000
- Man, turn your ass around!
331
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,862
[dramatic cinematic music]
332
00:13:22,862 --> 00:13:25,172
- I will have you ejected,
just so you know.
333
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,068
♪ ♪
334
00:13:27,068 --> 00:13:29,068
[laughter]
He wild!
335
00:13:29,068 --> 00:13:31,965
- Yeah.
- Wild! Wild!
336
00:13:31,965 --> 00:13:34,931
Look at how fat he is.
[laughter]
337
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:36,931
♪ ♪
338
00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:38,931
That big ol' fat negro.
[laughter]
339
00:13:41,344 --> 00:13:44,379
- Oh! Oh, my God!
340
00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:46,965
Oh! This is amazing!
341
00:13:46,965 --> 00:13:48,482
- What?
342
00:13:48,482 --> 00:13:50,034
- Uh, we smashing,
you know what I mean?
343
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,034
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
344
00:13:51,034 --> 00:13:52,344
[both moaning]
345
00:13:52,344 --> 00:13:54,862
- Oh, yeah!
Talk more to me, daddy!
346
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:56,448
- Nah, dawg.
347
00:13:56,448 --> 00:13:58,517
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
I'm putting in work!
348
00:13:58,517 --> 00:14:00,275
I'm all up in them guts.
- Oh, no!
349
00:14:00,275 --> 00:14:02,137
- Whoa! Jesus!
- I'm sorry.
350
00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:04,413
- Sam, if Dad heard
you talking like that,
351
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:05,689
he would beat your ass.
352
00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:07,689
- [scoffs]
I would knock Dad out.
353
00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:10,172
I mean, don't tell Dad.
354
00:14:10,172 --> 00:14:11,689
- Sam, I don't know why
you're acting
355
00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,275
like somebody you're not,
356
00:14:13,275 --> 00:14:15,068
just to impress
some hoochie mama.
357
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,551
- Chrissy!
"Hoochie mama"?
358
00:14:17,551 --> 00:14:19,379
Shame on you for
judging people,
359
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:21,379
when you yourself are
the biggest piece of shit
360
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:22,586
I've ever seen.
361
00:14:22,586 --> 00:14:25,034
- Sam, her linemate just died.
362
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:26,517
- Ah, a week ago.
Gloves are off.
363
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,448
She's got a new linemate.
Who cares?
364
00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:30,965
- But I can't say anything
to Margaret or she'll cry.
365
00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:32,965
- What do you mean?
366
00:14:32,965 --> 00:14:35,241
- She was bullied as a kid,
so I can't say shit about her
367
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,172
or anybody else.
368
00:14:37,172 --> 00:14:40,275
The other day, Fred farted
so hard his back went out.
369
00:14:40,275 --> 00:14:42,275
[laughter]
370
00:14:42,275 --> 00:14:44,034
She didn't even giggle!
371
00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:47,344
She said, "It's not funny!
He's actually hurt!"
372
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:50,344
[laughter]
373
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:53,103
- I'm sorry, babe.
That sucks.
374
00:14:53,103 --> 00:14:55,448
- He's getting
workman's comp.
375
00:14:55,448 --> 00:14:57,103
[laughter]
376
00:14:57,103 --> 00:14:59,862
- See? It's funny!
- Yes!
377
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,310
- Lunchtime.
378
00:15:04,310 --> 00:15:07,068
Mm-mm-mm! Look at that hamper.
379
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:10,655
You know, Lois used
to do the laundry.
380
00:15:10,655 --> 00:15:13,620
- Yeah, yeah, she did
everything around here.
381
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:14,620
And you know what?
382
00:15:19,517 --> 00:15:22,034
- Ohh.
Ohh.
383
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,310
I am not Lois!
384
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:30,724
Elwood, it's time for you to
start making your own damn bed!
385
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:32,172
It's time for you
to start making
386
00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:34,344
your own damn sandwiches.
387
00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:37,655
It's not hard!
Just put two pieces of bread
388
00:15:37,655 --> 00:15:39,724
around slices of meat!
389
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:42,068
- Is this it?
- No, that's a ball!
390
00:15:42,068 --> 00:15:44,344
Come on, I feel like you're
getting it wrong on purpose.
391
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,413
- No, I'm not!
I can't do it.
392
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,551
- Well, then you're gonna have
to figure this shit out, man.
393
00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,620
One day, I'll die and Chrissy
will have to figure out
394
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,344
how to go on without me!
395
00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,413
- Maybe she could remarry.
- No!
396
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:57,620
If your spouse dies and you
remarry, you go to Hell, man!
397
00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,965
Come here.
398
00:16:03,034 --> 00:16:05,241
Good-bye, Elwood.
399
00:16:05,241 --> 00:16:06,172
You can do this.
400
00:16:08,275 --> 00:16:11,275
[funky, upbeat music]
401
00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:14,172
♪ ♪
402
00:16:21,482 --> 00:16:24,655
- Margaret, I'm sorry we
got off on the wrong foot.
403
00:16:24,655 --> 00:16:26,344
But I can't work in
silence every day.
404
00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:28,206
I have to talk,
or I'll go crazy.
405
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:30,413
- You want to make fun of
people. I don't like bullies.
406
00:16:30,413 --> 00:16:32,241
- I know.
407
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,103
- It's because my hairline
used to start at my eyebrows.
408
00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:36,448
- Oh, I know, and it sucks
that happened to you.
409
00:16:36,448 --> 00:16:38,379
- They used to say
the meanest things to me.
410
00:16:38,379 --> 00:16:41,206
They used to call me
"Bride of Chewbacca."
411
00:16:41,206 --> 00:16:44,206
- Maybe you should tell me
what else they would call you.
412
00:16:44,206 --> 00:16:46,172
You know, to get it
off of your chest.
413
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,620
- They used to call me
the Forehead-less Horseman.
414
00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:50,413
- Assholes!
415
00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:53,620
- 'Sup, ladies?
416
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,620
- What do you think
those jerks would've said
417
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,310
about Little Joey?
418
00:16:57,310 --> 00:16:59,172
- Oh, man, they'd probably
say something like,
419
00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:00,620
"Little Joey's so short,
420
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,862
he needs a ladder to
go down on Tinkerbell."
421
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:04,896
You know, like he'd have
to climb up that ladder
422
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:06,827
to eat out her vagina
or something like that.
423
00:17:06,827 --> 00:17:09,586
- That is so mean. What do you
think they'd say about Fred?
424
00:17:09,586 --> 00:17:12,241
- They'd say,
"Fred's neck is so weak,
425
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,620
he has to ask his tits
for lunch money."
426
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:17,586
- These are my people.
They gonna love you.
427
00:17:17,586 --> 00:17:18,758
What up, y'all?
428
00:17:18,758 --> 00:17:21,206
This my man, Sam.
429
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,379
- Ha. 'Sup, 'sup, 'sup?
430
00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:24,724
Ooh, y'all--y'all
drinkin', huh?
431
00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:26,827
Uh, let me get a Hpno.
432
00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:28,655
[laughter]
You know what I'm saying?
433
00:17:28,655 --> 00:17:31,379
- Yo, Sam, your pants
tight as hell, my nigga.
434
00:17:31,379 --> 00:17:33,620
- Yeah, that's funny
you mentioned that,
435
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,620
'cause this is the only pants
I had that was, uh... clean.
436
00:17:36,620 --> 00:17:39,413
I went--I bought some--
I thought I was getting these
437
00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:41,931
in a XXL, and I got home,
these are medium.
438
00:17:41,931 --> 00:17:44,482
I was like, I gotta
go to the store
439
00:17:44,482 --> 00:17:46,379
and talk to these people
face to face.
440
00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:48,862
So I went to the store,
I was like, "Hey!
441
00:17:48,862 --> 00:17:51,827
Hey, my brah, uh...You gave
me the wrong size pants."
442
00:17:51,827 --> 00:17:53,689
And it was like, "Nothing
I can do for you, man."
443
00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:56,172
I was like, "Really, bro?"
[laughs]
444
00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:58,379
And then, so I was like,
"Let me talk to your manager."
445
00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,586
And then the manager
came out, and it's like,
446
00:18:00,586 --> 00:18:03,241
"Nothing I can do for you.
We have no refund policy."
447
00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:05,551
So, I was like,
"You about to come up
448
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:08,517
with a refund for me,
nigga."
449
00:18:08,517 --> 00:18:10,586
- You ever notice how some
folks say the word "nigga,"
450
00:18:10,586 --> 00:18:11,724
it just doesn't sound right?
451
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,620
- Leave him alone, Ray.
Okay?
452
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,931
'Cause he may talk white,
but he's still cute.
453
00:18:15,931 --> 00:18:17,517
- Actually, I'm sexy,
454
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:19,620
but I don't even
really talk white, baby.
455
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,551
I don't even know--
- Sam.
456
00:18:22,551 --> 00:18:24,206
Listen to your voicemail.
457
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:26,000
- Yello, you've
reached Sam Duvet.
458
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,862
You know what to do,
and that is leave a message.
459
00:18:28,862 --> 00:18:31,655
[laughter]
460
00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:33,862
- "Yello, you've reached
Frasier. Leave a message."
461
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:35,724
[laughter]
462
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:38,517
- All right!
You got me!
463
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:41,862
I talk "proper"!
464
00:18:41,862 --> 00:18:43,413
I can't even see with these on.
465
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,931
So, okay. So what?
466
00:18:44,931 --> 00:18:47,862
So because I talk proper
that means I talk white?
467
00:18:47,862 --> 00:18:50,655
And then thus,
to speak improperly
468
00:18:50,655 --> 00:18:53,689
means you speak black?
Are we okay with this?
469
00:18:53,689 --> 00:18:55,620
Are we okay with this
as a people? Hmm?
470
00:18:55,620 --> 00:18:57,379
[laughter]
471
00:18:57,379 --> 00:18:59,724
You know what's cool?
[laughter]
472
00:18:59,724 --> 00:19:02,275
Being your ding-dong self.
473
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,862
How 'bout that?
474
00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:05,586
Unless you are being
yourselves,
475
00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,448
which I--you
probably are,
476
00:19:07,448 --> 00:19:09,310
I don't know! I don't care!
I guess my point is--
477
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:13,034
is just have a good time!
Cheers!
478
00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:15,482
Oh, heavens, is there pineapple
in this Hpnotiq?
479
00:19:15,482 --> 00:19:16,758
I'm allergic to pineapple!
480
00:19:16,758 --> 00:19:18,620
[laughter]
It's not funny!
481
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,275
It's a legitimate allergy!
482
00:19:20,275 --> 00:19:23,310
I need an antihistamine
or an EpiPen!
483
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:26,586
- Once I got her talking,
Margaret never stopped.
484
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:28,793
Today was actually
a pretty fun day.
485
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:31,862
- Chrissy, you just tricked
her into being mean.
486
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:33,689
You're a bad person.
487
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:35,689
- Go eat pineapples,
you fat head.
488
00:19:35,689 --> 00:19:38,413
- Shut up.
489
00:19:38,413 --> 00:19:40,793
Hey, this is Sam.
Leave a message.
490
00:19:40,793 --> 00:19:42,344
- Why do we still
have to do this?
491
00:19:42,344 --> 00:19:44,724
I thought Angel dumped you.
492
00:19:44,724 --> 00:19:48,551
- You've reached Sam Duvet.
Leave your thing at the bizzay!
493
00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:52,034
- Just use your regular voice.
- I'm trying!
494
00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:55,310
Hey, you've reached
Slammin' Sammy Duvet!
495
00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:58,862
I'm not here right now, because
I'm out rocking the jocks!
496
00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:00,310
There it is.
- There you go. Thank you.
497
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:01,896
That's all I ask.
- That's it.
498
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,482
- That one felt right.
- Use your regular voice.
499
00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:04,689
- That was it.
- That's normal me.
500
00:20:07,517 --> 00:20:10,517
["Wait for a Moment"
by Vulfpeck]
501
00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:13,517
[sunny organ melody]
502
00:20:13,517 --> 00:20:16,413
♪ ♪
503
00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:25,310
- ♪ Yeah, oh yeah ♪
504
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,482
[stovetop igniter clicking]
505
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:30,413
- No, I'm on my own now.
506
00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:32,724
I have to do this for myself.
507
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,551
- ♪ Gone home, went to bed ♪
508
00:20:35,551 --> 00:20:39,655
♪ While the other kids
they're still outside ♪
509
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,793
[explosions]
510
00:20:40,793 --> 00:20:43,793
[somber organ music]
511
00:20:43,793 --> 00:20:45,862
♪ ♪
512
00:20:45,862 --> 00:20:48,724
- Elwood Warfield
was a dedicated friend,
513
00:20:48,724 --> 00:20:50,517
a loving husband,
514
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,551
and though unemployed,
he made life his job,
515
00:20:53,551 --> 00:20:56,655
which I guess he's now
been fired from.
516
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,413
[laughter]
517
00:20:58,413 --> 00:21:00,034
- It's funny.
- That's a good joke.
518
00:21:00,034 --> 00:21:01,448
- That was actually funny.
- That was pretty funny.
519
00:21:01,448 --> 00:21:03,068
- Damn it.
520
00:21:03,068 --> 00:21:05,862
[whispered]
Yep, it was good.
37697
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