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1
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,206
- And the commercial would
begin with a cartoon version
2
00:00:11,275 --> 00:00:13,931
of you who keeps popping up
and talking about all the deals
3
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,241
you have at Mr. Alvin's.
4
00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:16,241
- [gravelly voice]
Oh, I love that.
5
00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:17,517
Looks just like me.
6
00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:19,172
- Yeah, we figured
that he'd keep on
7
00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:20,551
popping up and he'd be like,
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:21,793
[gravelly voice]
"Come on down to Mr. Alvin's.
9
00:00:21,862 --> 00:00:24,379
We've got FILA 29,
or two for 50."
10
00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:27,413
- [gravelly voice]
"Nike, 29 or two for 50."
11
00:00:27,482 --> 00:00:29,620
- Why does he sound like that?
12
00:00:29,689 --> 00:00:30,827
- I'm sorry?
13
00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:33,000
- Why does the cartoon
sound like that?
14
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:35,862
- Oh, he doesn't.
15
00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,275
- Yeah.
[stammering]
16
00:00:37,344 --> 00:00:38,379
You do.
You sound like that.
17
00:00:38,448 --> 00:00:40,862
- That's right.
18
00:00:40,931 --> 00:00:42,689
- I like the cartoon.
19
00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:45,965
Just don't make him sound
all stupid and shit.
20
00:00:46,034 --> 00:00:48,241
- Have you heard your voice?
21
00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:51,172
- That is our
eighth yes in a row!
22
00:00:51,241 --> 00:00:53,689
- My friend, we are
officially on a hot streak.
23
00:00:53,758 --> 00:00:55,068
- Officially!
- Officially!
24
00:00:55,137 --> 00:00:56,965
- Gentlemen, are you
ready to go to dinner?
25
00:00:57,034 --> 00:00:58,655
- What are you talking about?
26
00:00:58,724 --> 00:00:59,517
- Oh sh--
27
00:00:59,586 --> 00:01:00,655
Oh, yes.
- No.
28
00:01:00,724 --> 00:01:01,862
- That's right.
- Dinner.
29
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,344
- Oh, your
anniversary dinner!
30
00:01:03,413 --> 00:01:05,137
Oh, well, two reasons
to celebrate!
31
00:01:05,206 --> 00:01:06,344
Shall we go?
32
00:01:06,413 --> 00:01:08,931
- Guys, you're
dressed like shit.
33
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:09,965
- Yeah, but you look like
34
00:01:10,034 --> 00:01:11,172
you're about to go
on the Titanic.
35
00:01:11,241 --> 00:01:13,206
- Oh, boom, beast.
Let's go.
36
00:01:13,275 --> 00:01:15,275
- Come on, let's go!
- Come on now!
37
00:01:16,413 --> 00:01:19,275
[gentle music]
38
00:01:19,344 --> 00:01:20,620
- I guess you didn't
like your food.
39
00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:22,137
- Then why'd I finish it,
butt-munch?
40
00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:24,379
- Don't be an asshole.
41
00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:26,896
To Sheila!
42
00:01:26,965 --> 00:01:29,758
And her 50 years
with the company!
43
00:01:29,827 --> 00:01:33,137
- That old gray mare is still
what she used to be.
44
00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:34,517
- [laughing]
45
00:01:34,586 --> 00:01:36,310
- You must have seen it all.
46
00:01:36,379 --> 00:01:38,689
- Yeah, what was it like back
when you started, Sheila?
47
00:01:38,758 --> 00:01:41,172
- It was the golden
age of advertising.
48
00:01:41,241 --> 00:01:43,862
And your father was the best.
49
00:01:43,931 --> 00:01:45,931
I even had my moment.
50
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,758
Did you know I came up
51
00:01:47,827 --> 00:01:51,482
with the tagline
for Wick's pantyhose?
52
00:01:51,551 --> 00:01:55,482
"Control top
to make him lose control."
53
00:01:55,551 --> 00:01:57,724
- [chuckles]
That's pretty racy.
54
00:01:57,793 --> 00:02:01,482
- I was talking about making
the man ejaculate early.
55
00:02:01,551 --> 00:02:03,068
- Oh, cool.
- Mm-hmm.
56
00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:06,551
- Of course there was
no credit and I wasn't paid,
57
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,724
because I was just a secretary.
58
00:02:08,793 --> 00:02:10,000
It was a different
world back then.
59
00:02:10,068 --> 00:02:12,413
Sam, you would've had
a hell of a time.
60
00:02:12,482 --> 00:02:13,931
- Oh, I know.
- Yeah, we all would've.
61
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:14,965
- Well--
62
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,034
- We all would've
had a bad time.
63
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:18,103
- Not the same.
64
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,413
Well, happy 50th, Sheila.
65
00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:22,379
- And happy hot streak!
66
00:02:22,448 --> 00:02:24,172
- Eight in a row, baby!
67
00:02:24,241 --> 00:02:25,620
[laughter]
68
00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:26,965
- Gentlemen, thank you.
69
00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:29,689
You've made an old lady
very, very drunk.
70
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,482
- We'll walk you out.
- No, no, no, no, no.
71
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,172
We got that big pitch tomorrow.
72
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:34,931
We have to get hammered so
we can get a good night's rest.
73
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,448
- Oh, that's right.
You know how to get out, Sheila.
74
00:02:36,517 --> 00:02:37,724
Same way you came in,
just backwards.
75
00:02:37,793 --> 00:02:38,965
- You good to get home?
76
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,275
You're gonna take
an Uber, right?
77
00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:41,689
- Oh, yeah.
78
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,068
- This beer's
giving me heartburn.
79
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:46,379
I gotta switch over to
Bob Seger's diet tequila.
80
00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:48,689
- Yeah, me too.
Excuse me, waiter?
81
00:02:48,758 --> 00:02:50,896
Can we have two
"Light Moves," please?
82
00:02:50,965 --> 00:02:54,068
[upbeat music]
83
00:02:54,137 --> 00:02:55,620
- Tim Cramblin?
84
00:02:55,689 --> 00:02:57,689
- Yes, I'm Tim Cramblin.
- Come on, asshole.
85
00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,275
- Yep, I'm Tim Cramblin,
and I'm gonna take a dump
86
00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:00,793
in the backseat of your car.
87
00:03:00,862 --> 00:03:02,689
- Don't you take a dump
back there, Tim Cramblin!
88
00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:03,896
- Oh, I'm gonna.
- Asshole!
89
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:05,620
Stop trying
to lower my rating!
90
00:03:05,689 --> 00:03:08,344
♪ ♪
91
00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:13,517
- ♪ Next time when they ask
you where you're from ♪
92
00:03:13,586 --> 00:03:15,068
♪ You gonna say Detroit City ♪
93
00:03:15,137 --> 00:03:17,724
♪ Where we get you
back on your feet ♪
94
00:03:17,793 --> 00:03:20,310
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
95
00:03:20,379 --> 00:03:23,379
- When we get in there,
let me do the talking.
96
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:24,827
- Why?
97
00:03:24,896 --> 00:03:26,275
- Let me do some
of the talking.
98
00:03:26,344 --> 00:03:27,310
- Well, yeah.
99
00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:28,448
[laughter]
100
00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:29,655
- Aw, damn it!
101
00:03:29,724 --> 00:03:31,551
Ryan Lepchek from
Doner Advertising.
102
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:32,965
- We're dead.
103
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:35,551
- Oh my God. Tim! Sam.
104
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:37,137
- Suck it, Lepchek!
105
00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:38,448
- Suck it, Cramblin!
106
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,482
Wow, pitching
the Science Center, huh?
107
00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:41,724
It's certainly
a step up for you fellas.
108
00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:44,241
- Step down for you.
- [laughs]
109
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:47,931
- Oh, okay. Well, look,
good luck in there, all right?
110
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,517
And good on you guys,
swinging for the fences.
111
00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:52,137
- Bad on you,
swinging an aluminum bat
112
00:03:52,206 --> 00:03:53,137
to the back of your head.
113
00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:56,310
- Boom! You're a vegetable!
114
00:03:56,379 --> 00:03:57,413
[laughter]
115
00:03:57,482 --> 00:03:59,034
- Thank God we're
not at the zoo.
116
00:03:59,103 --> 00:04:00,965
That place stinks like shit!
117
00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:02,965
[laughter]
118
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:06,482
- Detroit Zoo is
a prison for animals!
119
00:04:06,551 --> 00:04:08,206
[laughter]
120
00:04:08,275 --> 00:04:11,103
[funky music]
121
00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:13,344
- Nine in a row!
122
00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:16,517
- The Science Center
is another level!
123
00:04:16,586 --> 00:04:18,793
- Yeah, man!
It's the Science Center!
124
00:04:18,862 --> 00:04:20,517
We beat Ryan Lepchek
from Doner!
125
00:04:20,586 --> 00:04:22,482
- With a yes in the room!
126
00:04:22,551 --> 00:04:23,482
- Uh-huh.
127
00:04:23,551 --> 00:04:24,827
♪ ♪
128
00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:26,241
- You want to ride it again?
One more time?
129
00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:27,862
- Yeah, let's ride it again.
- One more time.
130
00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,137
- One more time
and then we'll come back up
131
00:04:29,206 --> 00:04:30,620
and then do it
another time after that.
132
00:04:30,689 --> 00:04:32,379
- It's gonna be okay, Sheila.
133
00:04:32,448 --> 00:04:34,758
- It took me a while to realize
it was perfume and not cologne.
134
00:04:34,827 --> 00:04:36,586
I still like it.
- I think you're good to go.
135
00:04:36,655 --> 00:04:37,931
- Why didn't you
call her a cab?
136
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,827
- What?
Sheila, what happened?
137
00:04:39,896 --> 00:04:43,344
- She got a DUI after
your dinner last night.
138
00:04:43,413 --> 00:04:46,103
- Sheila, we asked you
if you were gonna take an Uber,
139
00:04:46,172 --> 00:04:47,241
and you said yes!
140
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:49,724
- I don't know what Uber is!
141
00:04:49,793 --> 00:04:51,103
- Why did you say yes?
142
00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:52,689
- I didn't want to seem old!
143
00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:54,586
- Oh, Sheila,
you're not old.
144
00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:57,586
- Uh, Tommy,
Sheila is old, so...
145
00:04:57,655 --> 00:05:00,448
- You know what, Sheila?
We'll get you a lawyer.
146
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:03,448
We'll take care of everything.
147
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:04,793
- Tommy, not the head!
148
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:06,275
- Not the head, Tommy.
- Tommy.
149
00:05:06,344 --> 00:05:10,896
Okay, so I've narrowed
it down to two lawyers.
150
00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:13,620
- Do you know your rights?
Because I do.
151
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:16,034
If you are weak,
I will fight for you.
152
00:05:16,103 --> 00:05:18,965
And if you are strong,
we will fight together.
153
00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:21,413
I am Joumana Kayrouz.
154
00:05:21,482 --> 00:05:23,000
[whip cracks]
155
00:05:23,068 --> 00:05:26,379
- I like her.
- Yeah. Check this guy out.
156
00:05:26,448 --> 00:05:30,827
- Have you been injured in an
accident or a slip and fall?
157
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:33,137
Call me, Walt Worsch.
158
00:05:33,206 --> 00:05:34,551
I'll try my best.
159
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:36,413
- I got hit by a city bus,
160
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:40,793
and Walt got me some
of the money I asked for.
161
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,862
- I got arrested
for drunk driving.
162
00:05:42,931 --> 00:05:45,551
I got found guilty
and served six months.
163
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:48,551
But I could tell Walt
tried as hard as he could.
164
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:50,448
He even cussed when we lost.
165
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,965
- Call 313-Waltries.
166
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:56,931
I'm Walt Worsch,
and I try my best.
167
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,413
- He included a testimonial
from a guy who lost?
168
00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:00,758
- Yeah.
169
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,068
- I mean, I think
we gotta go with Joumana.
170
00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:04,827
- Whoa, wait a minute.
Look at this.
171
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:08,103
Walt Worsch has
an "April in the D" video?
172
00:06:08,172 --> 00:06:09,758
- Hey, what's up, Detroit?
173
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,448
It's April in the D,
that magical month
174
00:06:11,517 --> 00:06:13,068
when the Pistons,
Red Wings, and the Tigers
175
00:06:13,137 --> 00:06:14,793
are all playing
at the same time.
176
00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:18,448
This is my video submission
for the Fox Sports Detroit
177
00:06:18,517 --> 00:06:19,827
theme song contest.
178
00:06:19,896 --> 00:06:21,517
Please vote for me.
Check it out.
179
00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:23,517
♪ Pistons and Tigers
and Red Wings oh my ♪
180
00:06:23,586 --> 00:06:25,482
♪ It's April in the D ♪
181
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,931
♪ Three Detroit sports teams
playing at one time ♪
182
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:33,103
♪ All Detroit ladies
looking oh so fine ♪
183
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:36,724
♪ ♪
184
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,379
- He is so confident.
185
00:06:38,448 --> 00:06:41,344
- I meant that's how he should
be in his ads, right?
186
00:06:41,413 --> 00:06:43,379
♪ ♪
187
00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:47,379
- Ooh, you know what? If we
hire him to represent Sheila,
188
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,724
that would be a foot
in the door for his business.
189
00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,241
- Uh-huh.
190
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:53,344
- And if we got his business,
that would be ten in a row.
191
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,551
- Ten in a row.
192
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:59,068
- ♪ It's April in the D ♪
193
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,896
Well, I'll do my best, guys,
194
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,793
but I can't make
any promises.
195
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:06,103
DUIs are tough.
196
00:07:06,172 --> 00:07:08,344
- Will they take away
my driver's license?
197
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,862
- I do not know.
198
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:11,413
Look, to be honest,
199
00:07:11,482 --> 00:07:14,344
I'm kind of a mack
when it comes to dog bites.
200
00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:16,965
When the officer pulled you
over, did you get bit by a dog?
201
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:19,758
- No.
- Oh, crap.
202
00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:22,275
'Cause I'm kind of
a mack at dog bites.
203
00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:24,827
- Gentlemen, shall we go?
- Oh, hold on a minute.
204
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:27,000
He didn't say
he was bad at DUIs.
205
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:28,655
He just said he's
a mack at dog bites.
206
00:07:28,724 --> 00:07:30,379
- Kind of a mack.
- Kind of a mack.
207
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:32,172
- Thank you for
your time, Walter.
208
00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:34,482
But we really need to meet
with other lawyers
209
00:07:34,551 --> 00:07:35,827
before we make a decision.
210
00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:37,655
- Now hold on, Sheila.
I mean, after all,
211
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,103
we are footing the bill here.
212
00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:41,689
And I think Walter here
might secretly be
213
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:42,965
the best lawyer in town.
214
00:07:43,034 --> 00:07:45,137
- I'm not.
I'm not.
215
00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:48,724
- Look, Walt, we--we saw
your "April in the D" video.
216
00:07:48,793 --> 00:07:50,344
- Oh, boy.
217
00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:52,620
- And it's breathtaking.
218
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:55,068
I mean, you exude confidence.
- Yeah, you ooze it.
219
00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:57,448
But in your commercials you
come off a little bit stiff.
220
00:07:57,517 --> 00:07:59,827
And in person.
- But we can help with that.
221
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,344
- That's not why we're here.
- Shh.
222
00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:04,344
- You see, we run
a small advertising firm
223
00:08:04,413 --> 00:08:07,034
that's on a little
bit of a hot streak.
224
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:09,172
- Oh, really. Would I know
any of your clients?
225
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:12,000
- Um...the
Michigan Science Center.
226
00:08:12,068 --> 00:08:16,413
- Whoa. The Science Center?
Holy shit!
227
00:08:16,482 --> 00:08:18,448
What are those guys
really like?
228
00:08:18,517 --> 00:08:19,758
- They're honestly so nice.
229
00:08:19,827 --> 00:08:21,620
- I knew it.
- Mm-hmm.
230
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:22,862
- So what do you say, Walt?
231
00:08:22,931 --> 00:08:24,896
How about you let us
put that rock star
232
00:08:24,965 --> 00:08:26,827
from that
"April in the D" video
233
00:08:26,896 --> 00:08:30,448
in a commercial
for your law firm?
234
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:32,689
- Ms. Portnadi, it looks like
you got yourself a lawyer.
235
00:08:32,758 --> 00:08:36,241
And if we're being 100,
it would help me out a ton
236
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:39,034
if you get bit by a dog
between now and the court date.
237
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,724
- I'm not getting bit by a dog.
238
00:08:41,793 --> 00:08:43,896
- Okay, well, I wouldn't
be doing my job
239
00:08:43,965 --> 00:08:45,448
if I didn't suggest it.
240
00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:48,206
And really, between you and I,
it's really easy.
241
00:08:48,275 --> 00:08:51,068
Just wait until they're eating,
and then you grab their crotch.
242
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,241
So...yeah.
243
00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:57,241
[hip hop music]
244
00:08:57,310 --> 00:09:01,448
- Ten in a row!
- Walt Worsch, baby!
245
00:09:01,517 --> 00:09:04,137
♪ ♪
246
00:09:06,137 --> 00:09:09,379
- I'm Walt Worsch.
- ♪ 313-Waltries ♪
247
00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,551
- Have you been the victim
of an accident or a bite?
248
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:13,310
[gavel bangs]
249
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:15,344
- I will fight for you.
- ♪ 313-Waltries ♪
250
00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:16,620
[gavel bangs]
251
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,862
- And I always try my best.
252
00:09:18,931 --> 00:09:21,793
- ♪ 313-Waltries ♪
253
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,275
♪ ♪
254
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:28,344
♪ 313-Waltries,
I try my best ♪
255
00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:36,689
- That one's ours.
256
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:38,379
- Excuse me, ma'am?
257
00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:40,724
That commercial
that just played, ours!
258
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:43,482
- A local man is in dire
need of a kidney tonight
259
00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:45,793
and he's not telling
anyone why.
260
00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:48,448
But first, a different story.
- Excuse me.
261
00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:49,793
Do you know what
this meeting is about?
262
00:09:49,862 --> 00:09:51,344
- I don't.
263
00:09:51,413 --> 00:09:53,344
- Oh, well, they were
very vague on the phone, so...
264
00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:55,241
- Well, I'm sorry.
I can't help you.
265
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,827
- Well, you should
get some desk candies
266
00:09:56,896 --> 00:09:58,241
that don't taste
like medicine.
267
00:09:58,310 --> 00:09:59,517
- That is my medicine.
268
00:09:59,586 --> 00:10:01,517
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
[gags]
269
00:10:01,586 --> 00:10:03,137
I'm so sorry I ate all your
medicine. But you know what?
270
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:04,517
You shouldn't keep 'em
on the desk like that,
271
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,103
so really it's both
of our faults, really.
272
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,551
- Yeah, it's both your fault.
It's both your fault!
273
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:09,965
- ♪ Tim and Sam ♪
274
00:10:10,034 --> 00:10:12,586
Get up here.
Can we get you anything?
275
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,793
- I'll take a Vernors.
276
00:10:13,862 --> 00:10:14,758
- Vernors.
I'll take a Vernors.
277
00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:16,034
Do you have any chips?
278
00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:20,551
- You guys enjoying
your Vernors?
279
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,896
- [coughing]
280
00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:25,310
Yeah, I just
drank it too fast.
281
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:26,827
- Yeah, you can't slug it too
fast, or the bubbles--
282
00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:28,103
- The bubbles.
- [clearing throat]
283
00:10:28,172 --> 00:10:29,551
- So what's this all about?
284
00:10:29,620 --> 00:10:31,413
You pissed because
we got the Science Center?
285
00:10:31,482 --> 00:10:34,241
- Yeah, looks like
we swung for the fences,
286
00:10:34,310 --> 00:10:37,482
and your ass struck out.
- [laughter]
287
00:10:37,551 --> 00:10:41,068
- We would like to buy
Cramblin Duvet.
288
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:46,137
- Is this a joke?
289
00:10:46,206 --> 00:10:48,482
- 'Cause if it is a joke, I
just want to say that I get it.
290
00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:50,413
I get the joke,
and I'm in on it also.
291
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:52,000
And it's hilarious.
- No.
292
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,241
No, it's not a joke.
293
00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:54,827
It's--you guys
are up-and-coming, okay?
294
00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:57,413
We want to get in on it
before everyone else realizes.
295
00:10:57,482 --> 00:11:00,620
At Doner, we believe if you
can't beat them,
296
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:02,448
you buy 'em.
297
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:06,413
- What does--what does
this mean, exactly?
298
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:09,586
You'd own Cramblin Duvet--
- Correct. Mm-hmm.
299
00:11:09,655 --> 00:11:11,310
- So what would we do?
300
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,103
We'd own Doner.
- We'd own Doner, right.
301
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,862
Yeah. That's interesting.
302
00:11:14,931 --> 00:11:16,068
- Then yeah, I'll do it.
303
00:11:16,137 --> 00:11:18,068
- It's not a trade.
304
00:11:18,137 --> 00:11:19,275
- Yeah, we know.
305
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,413
- Yeah, I know.
I'm not stupid.
306
00:11:21,482 --> 00:11:22,965
- Basically,
you would be getting paid
307
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,413
to do exactly what
you've been doing,
308
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:27,034
you would just be
doing it for Doner.
309
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,344
- And--and we
would keep our name?
310
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:31,310
- No, we would
change the name.
311
00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:32,965
- Team Viper.
- Excuse me?
312
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:34,586
- Team Viper Snake Squad.
313
00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:36,310
- No, no. It would be
under the umbrella of--
314
00:11:36,379 --> 00:11:37,448
- Rowdy Boys.
- Rowdy Boys. That's it.
315
00:11:37,517 --> 00:11:39,068
- Rowdy Boys.
- Rowdy Boys.
316
00:11:39,137 --> 00:11:40,517
- Yeah, we're the Rowdy Boys.
- Guys, look.
317
00:11:40,586 --> 00:11:43,034
I think you'll find it's
a generous buyout fee, okay?
318
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,689
Not to mention
a bump in salary,
319
00:11:44,758 --> 00:11:47,551
and you'd have all of Doner's
resources at your disposal.
320
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:51,241
Seriously,
you got something.
321
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:54,172
You made the worst lawyer
in town look cool.
322
00:11:54,241 --> 00:11:56,310
- I don't know
if he's the worst.
323
00:11:56,379 --> 00:11:58,482
- He's pretty bad.
My cousin got bit by a dog.
324
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,137
He couldn't do
anything for him.
325
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:02,068
- I thought he was
a mack at dog bites.
326
00:12:02,137 --> 00:12:03,620
- That's what he said.
327
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,896
- Guys, think about it.
Talk to your lawyer.
328
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,137
Sleep on it.
329
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:09,068
- Well, I mean
I'd rather sleep in a bed.
330
00:12:09,137 --> 00:12:11,000
[laughter]
Not my best.
331
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,448
I'm a little overwhelmed,
so who cares?
332
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:16,896
- Oh, my God.
333
00:12:16,965 --> 00:12:18,551
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
334
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:20,137
- I ate her medicine.
335
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,068
And you should probably
call a doctor for her.
336
00:12:22,137 --> 00:12:23,689
- Dani.
337
00:12:23,758 --> 00:12:26,000
- Ooh, you like her.
338
00:12:26,068 --> 00:12:27,517
[taps gavel]
- Next!
339
00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:31,482
- Case 2251: The People
vs. Sheila Portnadi.
340
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,689
Miss Portnadi was pulled
over on Cass Avenue,
341
00:12:34,758 --> 00:12:37,655
and her BAL was .09.
342
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,275
- Counselor.
343
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:43,551
- Your Honor,
I'm not here to try my worst.
344
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,689
[laughter]
345
00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,379
All right, settle down,
everybody.
346
00:12:48,448 --> 00:12:51,965
Your Honor, look at my client.
347
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:53,827
Now close your eyes.
348
00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:57,137
And imagine my client
is not a woman, but a man.
349
00:12:57,206 --> 00:12:58,551
And black.
350
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:01,413
And named Barack Obama.
- Your Honor--
351
00:13:01,482 --> 00:13:03,241
- And imagine that this
arresting officer
352
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,551
is a dog, Your Honor.
353
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,896
Well, Your Honor,
this dog bit my client.
354
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:08,344
- Mr. Worsch.
355
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,103
- Your Honor, I'm only...
356
00:13:10,172 --> 00:13:12,689
♪ Trying my best ♪
357
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,551
[cheering]
358
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,413
- 16 hours community service.
359
00:13:16,482 --> 00:13:18,448
And Ms. Portnadi,
in the future,
360
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:21,172
take a cab,
or get a better lawyer.
361
00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,724
[gavel taps]
Next.
362
00:13:24,551 --> 00:13:27,448
- 16 hours of
community service.
363
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:28,896
- Ah, Sheila.
It won't be that bad.
364
00:13:28,965 --> 00:13:31,586
- It'll just be mowing
the median on 75.
365
00:13:31,655 --> 00:13:33,206
- Whoa, Walt, she's pretty old.
366
00:13:33,275 --> 00:13:35,448
- Yeah, well,
it's the best I could do.
367
00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:36,758
- Hey, Walt,
while we have you,
368
00:13:36,827 --> 00:13:38,206
can we get your legal
advice on something?
369
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,172
- Yeah, can you take
a look at this contract?
370
00:13:40,241 --> 00:13:41,448
It's an offer
to buy our company.
371
00:13:41,517 --> 00:13:42,862
- Who offered
to buy the company?
372
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:44,137
- Ryan Lepchek from Doner.
373
00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:45,965
- When did this happen?
- Earlier today.
374
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,551
What do you think, Walt?
375
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:50,172
- Doner has way more money
and way smarter people than you.
376
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:51,448
So if this deal
is good on their end,
377
00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:53,034
it's probably bad on your end.
378
00:13:53,103 --> 00:13:55,586
- Oh, well, couldn't it be
a good deal for both of us?
379
00:13:55,655 --> 00:13:58,965
- Are they smarter
or are you smarter?
380
00:13:59,034 --> 00:14:00,310
- They're smarter, sir.
381
00:14:00,379 --> 00:14:03,379
- Then, no.
Hey, you know what?
382
00:14:03,448 --> 00:14:05,931
Let's make this
a working lunch.
383
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,241
How about Zoup, you two?
384
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:08,379
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
385
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,241
- Sheila, good luck on 75.
386
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:13,241
Bring a hat, because
it gets so hot out there.
387
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:16,758
[upbeat music]
388
00:14:16,827 --> 00:14:21,551
♪ ♪
389
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,379
- The testimonials
aren't working.
390
00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:25,068
I can't find
any cool kids here.
391
00:14:25,137 --> 00:14:26,965
- How about that guy?
392
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,448
- Ugh.
393
00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:32,275
I wouldn't jerk that guy off
with Freddy Krueger's hand.
394
00:14:32,344 --> 00:14:33,551
- You just like
come up with that?
395
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,724
Was that a joke?
396
00:14:34,793 --> 00:14:36,827
- Yeah.
- Like a prepared joke?
397
00:14:36,896 --> 00:14:38,586
- I just thought of it.
- Nobody just talks like that.
398
00:14:38,655 --> 00:14:40,034
- Nobody talks like that,
399
00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,689
and plus it doesn't
even make sense.
400
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,482
Like Freddy Krueger's hand,
like, the palm is still good.
401
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:45,310
- Yeah, the palm does
all the jerking off.
402
00:14:45,379 --> 00:14:47,620
- Enough.
- Well, you got
to find somebody.
403
00:14:47,689 --> 00:14:49,172
We told them we'd find
testimonials
404
00:14:49,241 --> 00:14:50,758
of people saying
science is cool.
405
00:14:50,827 --> 00:14:53,724
And it's not gonna be
convincing coming from a dork.
406
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,758
- Is it true you guys
are selling the company?
407
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:57,517
- Well, we'll let you know
when we've made a decision.
408
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,379
Thank you very much, Lea.
409
00:14:59,448 --> 00:15:01,896
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
410
00:15:01,965 --> 00:15:04,137
- I just don't think
there's any amount of money
411
00:15:04,206 --> 00:15:06,413
that would allow me to take
my dad's name off the wall.
412
00:15:06,482 --> 00:15:08,137
It's been there for 50 years.
413
00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:09,275
- Well, we say
we want to return
414
00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:10,689
the company
to its former glory.
415
00:15:10,758 --> 00:15:12,724
This would do that.
- Tommy's freaking out.
416
00:15:12,793 --> 00:15:14,103
- Why, what's up?
417
00:15:14,172 --> 00:15:16,103
- He keeps saying how
none of this is in the Bible.
418
00:15:16,172 --> 00:15:18,862
[whooshes]
419
00:15:20,448 --> 00:15:21,551
[upbeat music]
420
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,827
- Get the edge, Portnadi!
421
00:15:23,896 --> 00:15:26,206
What is wrong with your head?
Get the edge!
422
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,724
They not gonna hit you!
Get the edge!
423
00:15:28,793 --> 00:15:29,758
- I'm scared!
424
00:15:29,827 --> 00:15:30,896
- Oh, you're
scared-scared, huh?
425
00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:32,206
You should've
thought about that
426
00:15:32,275 --> 00:15:33,896
before you drove
drunk-drunk.
427
00:15:33,965 --> 00:15:35,241
Get that edge!
428
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,862
Get that mower on that edge!
429
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:41,344
- Okay, now this
is a work in progress.
430
00:15:41,413 --> 00:15:43,000
- Unless, of course,
you like it.
431
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,517
- Yeah, if you like it,
it can be the finished product.
432
00:15:44,586 --> 00:15:48,275
- Yeah.
[laughter]
433
00:15:48,344 --> 00:15:50,310
- Come on down to
the Michigan Science Center,
434
00:15:50,379 --> 00:15:52,793
where science is cool.
435
00:15:52,862 --> 00:15:55,103
- This is fun,
and I'm not even a nerd!
436
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:58,344
- The word dork
actually means whale penis.
437
00:15:58,413 --> 00:16:00,758
So I'm definitely not a dork.
438
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,724
- Do I look like
a whale penis?
439
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:04,448
- [together]
We're not dorks!
440
00:16:04,517 --> 00:16:06,379
- Would a dork do this?
441
00:16:08,896 --> 00:16:11,310
- And even if you are a dork--- I'm not a dork!
442
00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,793
- The Michigan Science Center
is a bully-free zone.
443
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:16,034
Our security guards are
former bullies themselves.
444
00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:17,551
So they know
what to look for.
445
00:16:17,620 --> 00:16:20,172
- Hey, watch out.
I want to do it.
446
00:16:20,241 --> 00:16:21,655
Hey, get your hands off me!
447
00:16:21,724 --> 00:16:23,689
[exaggerated punching noise]
Visit today!
448
00:16:23,758 --> 00:16:26,724
It's not just for
dorks and nerds anymore!
449
00:16:29,793 --> 00:16:32,344
- I thought you said you were
gonna get real testimonials.
450
00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:33,896
- We couldn't get
any good ones.
451
00:16:33,965 --> 00:16:36,931
- Yeah, besides,
these actors seem very real.
452
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,310
- No, they don't.
453
00:16:38,379 --> 00:16:40,586
- And not to mention you
portrayed a Science Center
454
00:16:40,655 --> 00:16:42,034
employee hitting a child.
455
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:45,137
- A child bully. It's a very
important distinction.
456
00:16:45,206 --> 00:16:46,965
- Maybe we need to start
looking for a different firm.
457
00:16:47,034 --> 00:16:49,137
- No, don't do that
in front of us.
458
00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:50,862
I told you this is
a work in progress.
459
00:16:50,931 --> 00:16:53,862
- Look, Cramblin Duvet is as
professional as any big firm.
460
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:56,172
- How about we set up
a meeting for next week?
461
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:57,620
Sheila, can you come in here?
462
00:16:57,689 --> 00:16:59,551
We'll have a whole
new concept for you.
463
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:00,931
- Are you sure you're capable
464
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,413
of delivering
a Science Center worthy ad?
465
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:05,000
- No, they can't.
466
00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,965
These two guys
are pieces of shit.
467
00:17:10,310 --> 00:17:12,241
- [chuckles nervously]
- What?
468
00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:14,551
- I can assure you
that we are not.
469
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,068
- She just got a DUI.
470
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:18,793
- Guys, look,
going with you guys
471
00:17:18,862 --> 00:17:21,034
was kind of just
an experiment on our part.
472
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:23,275
We just wanted to try
something fun and kitschy,
473
00:17:23,344 --> 00:17:25,241
but let's just
face it, okay?
474
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:29,034
We're the Science Center,
and, frankly, you're not.
475
00:17:30,206 --> 00:17:32,517
- That is devastating.
476
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:35,413
[funky music]
477
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,758
♪ ♪
478
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:41,000
- ♪ That's not enough baby ♪
479
00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:42,034
♪ No ♪
480
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:46,137
♪ ♪
481
00:17:46,206 --> 00:17:48,620
- We're sorry we hired
you a terrible lawyer.
482
00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:51,344
- We wanted his business,
and we were assholes.
483
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:52,551
Please forgive us.
484
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,965
- You were raging assholes.
485
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,034
And you want to know
what really pisses me off?
486
00:17:57,103 --> 00:17:59,758
I worked for this company
for 50 years,
487
00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,172
and you never once
asked me what I thought
488
00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:03,517
about you selling it.
489
00:18:03,586 --> 00:18:05,344
When Big Hank left,
490
00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:08,310
I was the only employee
who stuck with you.
491
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:11,862
Now you just treat me like some
old lady you have to deal with.
492
00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:14,965
- You're right.
493
00:18:15,034 --> 00:18:17,137
- We're two idiots who
you call gentlemen every day.
494
00:18:17,206 --> 00:18:19,586
- You mean the world
to us, Sheila.
495
00:18:19,655 --> 00:18:21,379
And we'll do whatever
it takes to show you
496
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,517
what you mean to the company.
497
00:18:22,586 --> 00:18:23,620
- Make me a partner.
498
00:18:23,689 --> 00:18:24,896
- [laughs]
- A partner?
499
00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:26,896
- No!
- What are you talking about?
500
00:18:26,965 --> 00:18:28,379
[laughter]
501
00:18:28,448 --> 00:18:29,896
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
502
00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:31,896
- We weren't expecting that.
We got a little overwhelmed.
503
00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:33,517
- Yeah, you really had that
locked and loaded, didn't you?
504
00:18:33,586 --> 00:18:35,448
- I have given it
a lot of thought.
505
00:18:35,517 --> 00:18:38,793
♪ ♪
506
00:18:38,862 --> 00:18:41,310
- We'll make you a partner.
- Silent partner.
507
00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:45,344
- And I'll be involved
with all the major decisions?
508
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:47,034
- Starting with the big one.
509
00:18:47,103 --> 00:18:48,620
♪ ♪
510
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:51,965
We've thought long
and hard about your offer.
511
00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:56,517
- Yes, and this is
the amount that we are willing
512
00:18:56,586 --> 00:18:58,724
to sell our company for.
513
00:18:58,793 --> 00:19:02,068
- Yes. Yeah. That's good.
514
00:19:02,137 --> 00:19:04,000
Here you go.
515
00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:07,275
Okay, I'll give it to you.
516
00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:10,000
Excuse me.
517
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:12,931
Sorry.
518
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,000
Don't act like
it hurt, you idiot.
519
00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:18,310
That's good.
There we go.
520
00:19:23,724 --> 00:19:24,965
- What is this?
521
00:19:25,034 --> 00:19:26,758
- That is a middle finger,
butt-munch.
522
00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:28,379
- Thank you for
the offer and everything.
523
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,448
- But it's a respectful no.
524
00:19:31,517 --> 00:19:33,758
- That felt good.
525
00:19:33,827 --> 00:19:35,793
- Nice work, partner.
526
00:19:35,862 --> 00:19:37,310
You good to drive?
527
00:19:37,379 --> 00:19:39,931
- Oh, yeah.
528
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,034
- ♪ I can laugh
I can smile ♪
529
00:19:44,103 --> 00:19:48,344
♪ Hold my head
way up high ♪
530
00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:51,517
♪ Baby it's all ♪
531
00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:56,586
♪ All because of you ♪
532
00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:01,000
- Sheila, could you come
in here for a second, please?
533
00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:07,068
- Sheila, years ago, you did
some work for this company
534
00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:11,379
that went uncredited,
and we would like to fix that.
535
00:20:11,448 --> 00:20:12,655
- Here's the check
536
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:13,689
you should've been
paid 40 years ago.
537
00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:16,586
- Inflation not included.
538
00:20:16,655 --> 00:20:19,758
- Oh, thank you, gentlemen.
539
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,034
How do I cash it?
540
00:20:21,103 --> 00:20:22,965
- Oh, you don't.
It's like a ceremonial...
541
00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,724
- Do I take the whole
thing to the bank?
542
00:20:24,793 --> 00:20:27,137
- Wait, just don't cash it.
It's like for you to have.
543
00:20:27,206 --> 00:20:28,551
- Yeah, you just put it
on the wall or something.
544
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:29,931
- Oh.
545
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,931
- And we have another
surprise for you.
546
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,310
I found Tim and Sam's
April in the D video,
547
00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:36,275
and it really sucks.
548
00:20:36,344 --> 00:20:37,379
- No way it sucks.
549
00:20:38,931 --> 00:20:41,034
- ♪ April in the D
April in the D ♪
550
00:20:41,103 --> 00:20:43,172
♪ April in the D
April in the D ♪
551
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,724
♪ You got the Tigers, the
Pistons, the Red Wings, B ♪
552
00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:48,344
♪ Everything you want
right here in the D ♪
553
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,551
♪ Hardwood, ice,
and so much grass ♪
554
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:53,034
♪ Slapshots, hits,
and bouncing chest pass ♪
555
00:20:53,103 --> 00:20:55,241
♪ April in the D
April in the D ♪
556
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:57,655
♪ April in the D
April in the D ♪
557
00:20:57,724 --> 00:20:59,724
♪ Three teams ♪
558
00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:02,103
♪ Three leagues ♪
559
00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:04,413
♪ One dream ♪
560
00:21:07,172 --> 00:21:09,655
- What are you laughing at?
Sorry it's not Bing Crosby.
561
00:21:09,724 --> 00:21:11,137
- ♪ One Dream ♪
562
00:21:13,965 --> 00:21:16,482
♪ Three teams
Three leagues ♪
563
00:21:16,551 --> 00:21:18,931
♪ One dream ♪
41035
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