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1
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:14,800
*
2
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,767
- Doughnut!
3
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,267
*
4
00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:19,700
- * It goes one
for the struggle *
5
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,133
* Two for the muscle cars
6
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:22,367
* Three for the trouble
7
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,600
- Tim!
- That's on me.
8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,433
That's on me.
- Oh, Lord.
9
00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:27,967
- Hey, guys.
10
00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:29,233
Thank y'all for letting me use
the copier.
11
00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:30,600
- You needed
that many copies?
12
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,100
- No, I only made
three copies, man.
13
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,733
The rest of this printer paper's
for my house.
14
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:35,900
Y'all coming to the show?
15
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:37,300
- We wouldn't miss it,
Doughnut.
16
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,567
- See you there,
Doughnut.
17
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:40,633
- Doughnut!
18
00:00:40,633 --> 00:00:43,433
Yeah, y'all gonna need
more paper, man.
19
00:00:43,433 --> 00:00:45,267
- All right, no pressure.
20
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:46,300
- Stop it.
21
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:47,900
- No pressure.
- Stop.
22
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:49,133
You know, when you say
"no pressure,"
23
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,600
it just adds pressure.
24
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,267
- I honestly don't mean it
like that, though.
25
00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:53,800
- I know you don't, bud.
You're my best friend.
26
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,267
- You're my best friend.
27
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:58,900
- Irv and Doris Smith
are here to see you.
28
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:01,067
They don't have an appointment.
29
00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:03,200
- It's no worry, Sheila.
You can send them in.
30
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,200
Aw, Irv and Doris Smith.
31
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,067
What an unexpected pleasure.
32
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:17,267
Can we get you anything?
33
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:18,800
- No, no, no.
Thank you, dear.
34
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:19,967
- Well, you're getting
this hug.
35
00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:22,133
I can tell you that.
Come on.
36
00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:25,533
- Oh. Mm. Mm.
37
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:29,367
- So what can we do
38
00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:31,533
for Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture?
39
00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:34,800
- Boys, we have
to let you go.
40
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:38,800
- It's not you.
41
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,633
It's nothing you've done.
42
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,433
It's just that, I mean,
we don't have the--
43
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:43,833
We have--
44
00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:46,333
- We have to prioritize
our finances.
45
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:47,467
- I see.
46
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:48,800
Uh...
47
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,300
This is some
very unexpected news.
48
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:56,367
Uh, please allow me a moment
to process it.
49
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,500
- We just can't afford
to advertise.
50
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,700
We can't.
I mean, the business is--
51
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:10,767
- We have to prioritize
our finances.
52
00:02:10,767 --> 00:02:13,233
- I don't know
what that means, Irv.
53
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,867
- Boys, don't make this
any harder than it already is.
54
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:17,533
- Please don't do this.
55
00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,167
- I will get revenge on you.
56
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,267
- We're gonna bury you
and your crap store.
57
00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:27,567
- Please take us back.
We can change.
58
00:02:27,567 --> 00:02:29,533
- Oh, when we're done with you,
59
00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,100
people are gonna laugh
60
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,367
when they hear the name
61
00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:34,200
Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture.
62
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,833
They'll laugh.
63
00:02:35,833 --> 00:02:37,700
- Let's go, Doris.
- Yeah, go!
64
00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,167
Go on, get out of here.
65
00:02:39,167 --> 00:02:40,200
Who needs you?
66
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,200
Please don't do this, Irv.
67
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,900
- I'm sorry.
We've made our decision.
68
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,533
- Okay.
Okay, great.
69
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,433
Good riddance.
We'll see you guys around, okay?
70
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,667
- Good-bye, boys.
- Yeah, good-bye.
71
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,400
I hope the elevator falls
as you get in
72
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,600
and it chops you in half.
73
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,767
- Tim.
74
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:56,867
- * Next time
75
00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:58,067
* When they ask you
76
00:02:58,067 --> 00:03:00,400
* Where you're from *
77
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,167
* You gon' say Detroit city *
78
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:06,300
* When we get back on our feet,
yeah *
79
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:07,800
* Yeah
80
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,633
- Bet it's just a mistake.
81
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:14,600
I bet Irv and Doris
call us tomorrow
82
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,133
and ask us to come back.
83
00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,600
- I wouldn't go back to them
84
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,500
if Irv pleasured me orally.
85
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,667
- Or maybe we go to them
86
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,133
and beg them
to take us back,
87
00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:27,333
you know, tell them
we'll work for free.
88
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:30,433
- I wouldn't work for them
if Irv pleasured me orally.
89
00:03:30,433 --> 00:03:32,633
- You keep saying that.
- Oh, sorry.
90
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:34,900
Yeah, it's just 'cause
of that billboard up there.
91
00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:37,667
- Smilin' Jack.
92
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:40,600
What amateur put him on
a billboard with his mouth open?
93
00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:43,567
- I mean, every ad
might as well come
94
00:03:43,567 --> 00:03:45,800
with a stepladder
and a giant can of spray paint.
95
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,933
- Smilin' Jack
is Irv and Doris'
96
00:03:48,933 --> 00:03:52,067
number one competitor
in furniture.
97
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,067
- Yeah, lookit,
right by the pubes.
98
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,467
You see it says "furniture"?
99
00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:58,433
- Oh. He'd be a great client.
100
00:03:58,433 --> 00:04:01,567
- Irv would be so pissed.
101
00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:05,633
*
102
00:04:08,633 --> 00:04:12,467
*
103
00:04:12,467 --> 00:04:14,167
- I have never
eaten here before.
104
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:15,900
This is really, really nice.
105
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:18,133
- Well, only the best
for our client.
106
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,467
- I'm not your client just yet.
107
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,667
- Well, we'll see
about that.
108
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,167
- Can I start you gentlemen
with something to drink?
109
00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:28,067
- Oh, here we go.
110
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:29,333
- I'm good with just water.
111
00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:31,067
The bar has everything.
112
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,400
- Oh, no, no, thanks.
No, I don't drink.
113
00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:45,800
- No, no, no, of course not.
114
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,500
- Oh.
115
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,700
- So, like, I almost started
to tear up.
116
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,200
- Oh, my God,
I fricking crapped my pants.
117
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,133
- Yeah, man, I'm like,
"Oh, no."
118
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:56,500
- Yeah, "What am I
gonna do here?"
119
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,867
I'll have a double bourbon
and a Vernors.
120
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:01,067
- I'll have a giant glass boot
filled with beer.
121
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,700
- I'm sorry.
We don't have that.
122
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,367
- Well, then your bar
doesn't have everything.
123
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,367
- Sam.
124
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:06,433
- You know, I really--
125
00:05:06,433 --> 00:05:08,433
I hate to waste your time,
126
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:11,533
but I'm really not looking to do
more advertising right now.
127
00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:12,600
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, no.
128
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,767
I'm so sorry.
129
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:15,233
- Yeah, no worries.
I hear that.
130
00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:17,300
- Okay, that gives me
a certain amount of relief.
131
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,533
- Definitely hear that.
- Thank you.
132
00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:20,800
- I'm in the sweet spot,
133
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,800
not too drunk,
not too sober.
134
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,467
- Me, too, baby.
Let's go in for the kill.
135
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:27,467
- You got it, pal.
136
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:29,900
- Jack, you're known
all over town as the guy
137
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,067
with a dick in his mouth.
138
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,267
- Well...it's not just dicks.
139
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:39,433
- No, it's not.
- It's not.
140
00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:41,133
- I've seen boobs.
- Yes.
141
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,433
- I've seen poop.
- I have too.
142
00:05:42,433 --> 00:05:43,933
- I've seen a butt
pooping boobs.
143
00:05:43,933 --> 00:05:45,733
- Yup, yup.
- I've seen Andre the Giant.
144
00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:47,400
- I've seen that.
Don't get it, but I've seen it.
145
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,433
- And let's not forget
about the speech bubbles.
146
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,867
- Yup, yup.
- "I'm hungry for turds."
147
00:05:51,867 --> 00:05:53,300
- That's right by my church.
148
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:54,733
- "I'm thirsty for dongs."
- Mm-hmm.
149
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:56,500
- "Feed me wieners."
150
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,767
- Do you think
it's just one guy?
151
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,267
- No, Jack.
152
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:07,367
- But we at Cramblin-Duvet
153
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,533
can put an end
to all that nonsense
154
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:11,467
by rebranding you
155
00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:14,333
in a television commercial.
156
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,633
- To be honest, the billboards
don't really bother me, okay?
157
00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:19,267
I actually--I think
they're kind of funny.
158
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:20,533
You know what I mean?
159
00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:23,067
Young man, I know
what you're doing.
160
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:24,967
You're busted.
Yeah, that's great.
161
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:26,533
You're using
forced perspective
162
00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:28,667
to make it look like
I'm fellating that bread stick.
163
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,933
Grow up. Grow up.
164
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,333
Oh, and there we go.
Dinner roll balls.
165
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:36,267
Dinner roll balls,
really original.
166
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:39,500
You know what?
I am tired of this.
167
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,267
Sign me up.
Let's do this.
168
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,367
- All right.
- Oh, man, okay.
169
00:06:43,367 --> 00:06:45,633
- Champagne...of beers.
170
00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,267
- You've already had
five drinks each.
171
00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:49,167
- Just bring them!
172
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:50,833
- Oh, I am really excited
right now.
173
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:53,067
This feels good.
- It's gonna be great, Jack.
174
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:54,133
- Whoo!
175
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,200
- You guys, uh--
176
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,467
are you guys okay to drive?
177
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:05,433
I'm not okay to walk.
178
00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:08,233
- Okay, well, come on.
I'll give you a ride.
179
00:07:08,233 --> 00:07:10,067
- Thank you so much.
Shotgun!
180
00:07:10,067 --> 00:07:12,367
- Oh, come on.
- Here you go, buddy.
181
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:13,600
Thanks.
182
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,100
You guys heading
back to the office?
183
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,533
- Yeah, but we need to make
184
00:07:16,533 --> 00:07:18,967
a little stop somewhere
along the way.
185
00:07:18,967 --> 00:07:20,900
- Okay.
- Oh, sweet.
186
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:26,633
- * Oh, what the future holds
for me *
187
00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:29,533
* Yeah
188
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,633
- Hello, Doris, Irv.
189
00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:36,100
We just landed a little account
that we like to call
190
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:40,200
Smilin' Jack's Furniture.
191
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,200
It's the premier adult
furniture store in town.
192
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,633
- And not porno furniture.
He doesn't mean that.
193
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:50,800
- No, I mean furniture
for adults,
194
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,367
the big time, the show.
195
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,600
- We met at a conference once.
196
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,067
- Yes, Jack.
- Of course.
197
00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,433
How's her hip?
198
00:08:00,433 --> 00:08:01,600
- It's really nice of you
to remember.
199
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,067
She's back on her feet again,
200
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,433
just trying to keep
those damn squirrels
201
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:05,800
out of her bird feeder.
202
00:08:07,267 --> 00:08:08,600
- Enough!
203
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,500
What are you
doing here, Irv?
204
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,700
Construction dude,
blueprints.
205
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,633
I thought you had
to prioritize your finances.
206
00:08:16,633 --> 00:08:19,633
- Yes, we're using
our entire advertising budget
207
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,433
to build a giant
bunk bed on the roof.
208
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:24,833
We think that will raise
awareness of the store.
209
00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:26,667
- How big a bunk bed
we talking about?
210
00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,533
- 30 feet.
211
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:30,067
- Oh, cool.
- Whoa. Stupid.
212
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,933
It's too big.
213
00:08:31,933 --> 00:08:34,867
Come on, Sam.
We got a lot of work to do.
214
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:36,833
- We wish you boys nothing
but the best of luck.
215
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,700
- And we hope
your store burns down.
216
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,433
- No, we don't.
217
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,667
- And the fire department
can't find a fire hydrant,
218
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:45,367
so they have to put
the fire out with piss!
219
00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:46,767
- Tim, come on.
220
00:08:48,933 --> 00:08:51,067
- You really think
a giant bunk bed's
221
00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:54,267
gonna be better
than one of our commercials?
222
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,667
- I guess I do.
223
00:09:04,567 --> 00:09:09,267
- Guys, I really got to get back
to the store.
224
00:09:09,267 --> 00:09:12,433
- See you around, Irv.
225
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:14,533
- See you, Doris.
226
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,767
- Say it meaner.
227
00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:17,100
See you, Doris.
228
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,400
- Best of luck to you guys,
229
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,233
and I'll say hi
to my mother for you.
230
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:23,733
!
231
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:24,867
Whoo!
232
00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:26,500
- A bunk bed.
233
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,400
We've been replaced
by a bunk bed.
234
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,567
- We need an idea.
235
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:32,167
Oh, I got it.
236
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:34,833
What if he has a pumpkin head
237
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:37,500
and he's
Smilin' Jack
238
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,100
- Tim, that's your third
Halloween idea so far.
239
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:45,433
- Oh, what if he's a wolf man,
240
00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:47,867
and he's always howling
about low prices?
241
00:09:47,867 --> 00:09:49,567
- You know, I don't think
we should draw attention
242
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:51,067
to what his mouth is doing.
- It's just his head.
243
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:52,567
You don't see his mouth.
244
00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:54,767
- You're a fricking
brick wall tonight.
245
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,333
- I know. I know. I know.
I'm sorry.
246
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:57,600
There's no bad ideas.
247
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,733
- A spooky skeleton.
248
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,200
- What if--
249
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:08,400
Is this my wolf man idea?
250
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,900
- No, Tim.
Let me get this down.
251
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,733
- Oh.
252
00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:15,267
Oh, wow.
253
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:17,233
And then this.
- Oh, my--
254
00:10:17,233 --> 00:10:19,367
Oh, that is cute!
255
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:20,733
- This is cute!
256
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,033
Yup!
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:10:22,033 --> 00:10:23,233
- Yes!
258
00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:24,600
Yes, Sam!
259
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,667
What if a witch flies in?
260
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,100
- No, Tim.
- Put it in!
261
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,933
- I'm not.
- Sam...
262
00:10:28,933 --> 00:10:31,167
this might be
your masterpiece.
263
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,933
- This is funny.
Really good, guys.
264
00:10:34,933 --> 00:10:36,433
And the end is really sweet.
265
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:38,333
- Yeah.
- Just it's a lot to remember.
266
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,000
- You are going to be fine.
267
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,667
All you have to do is,
you are gonna step over here,
268
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,233
and you're gonna say,
"My furniture is so nice,
269
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:44,833
when you see it, you'll pop."
270
00:10:44,833 --> 00:10:46,233
Then you're gonna pop
one of these balloons.
271
00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:48,700
- Then you say,
"My selection is so wide,
272
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,233
you'll go off your rocker."
273
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,067
Then grandma flips backwards
off the rocker.
274
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:53,500
- Then you head over here,
and you'll say,
275
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,600
"When you see my prices,
you'll go ape,"
276
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,667
and then in comes the ape,
277
00:10:57,667 --> 00:11:00,300
and we're gonna see a little
more energy from the ape.
278
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,767
- A lot more.
279
00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,167
- And then it goes
on and on from there.
280
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,433
You'll for sure get--
Oh, one thing.
281
00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:06,267
- Yeah.
- When you smile--
282
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,067
- Keep my lips closed.
- That's right. He's got it.
283
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,967
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
284
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:11,167
- Chrissy.
- Sam.
285
00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:12,667
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hey, babe.
286
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,600
I just wanted to stop by
and wish you luck.
287
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,433
- Thank you so much.
- I'm gonna go home and change.
288
00:11:16,433 --> 00:11:18,400
But don't forget,
tonight's Doughnut's show.
289
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,233
- Oh, yeah, I will be there.
290
00:11:20,233 --> 00:11:23,233
- Tim, tonight means
a lot to Doughnut.
291
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,667
Promise me you'll make it.
292
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:27,167
- I promise you
that I will be there.
293
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:28,433
- We'll both be there.
294
00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,100
- Nobody cares
if you're there.
295
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,933
- You're flat as a board,
and everyone knows it.
296
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:35,400
- Sam. I'll be there.
- Thanks.
297
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,500
- Yeah.
- Good luck, everybody.
298
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,733
Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture
299
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,267
can suck my dick.
300
00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:45,233
- All right, everybody,
let's shoot one.
301
00:11:45,233 --> 00:11:48,900
- Smilin' Jack Furniture,
take one.
302
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,300
- And action.
303
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,500
- My furniture is so nice,
304
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,233
when you see it, you'll pop.
305
00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:58,400
My selection is so wide,
306
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,633
you'll go off your rocker.
307
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:03,333
And my prices are so low,
308
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,833
you'll go ape.
309
00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:05,833
Scheisse.
310
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,400
- Cut.
311
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,533
Hey, Jack.
312
00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:13,867
Oh, God, yes.
I'm sorry.
313
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,200
I am so sorry, guys.
I just--I got a little scared.
314
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,067
There was a--an ape
was barreling down on me,
315
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,700
and you just go
on the defensive, you know?
316
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,400
- Yeah, that's okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
317
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,067
You had never seen him
with the head on.
318
00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,533
- As a matter of fact, Mike,
319
00:12:24,533 --> 00:12:26,067
maybe put the head on
so Jack can see you with it?
320
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:28,133
- That's not necessary.
I'm not stupid.
321
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,533
I'm not an idiot, okay?
322
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,067
I can see
that he's not a real ape.
323
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:33,167
- Yeah.
- So, uh...
324
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:34,833
Can we just go again?
325
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,333
- Yeah.
326
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:38,067
- I am sure.
I'm 100% sure, yes.
327
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:39,367
I'm sorry, everybody.
328
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:42,200
- Smilin' Jack, take two.
329
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,900
- And action.
330
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:46,233
- My furniture is so nice,
331
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,533
when you see it, you'll pop,
332
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,567
and my selection is so wide,
333
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,900
you'll go off your rocker.
334
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,967
My prices are so low,
335
00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:57,567
you'll go ape.
336
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:58,800
Holy shit!
337
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,367
- Cut.
- Oh, man.
338
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,533
I'm sorry.
I am sorry. That's me.
339
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:04,600
Let's just go again, please.
That's the last time.
340
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,900
This is the last time,
I promise.
341
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,567
I promise.
That's embarrassing.
342
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:08,767
Boy, oh, boy.
343
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,067
Smilin' Jack, take three.
344
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,567
- My prices are so low,
345
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:14,700
you'll go ape.
346
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:15,867
No, don't.
347
00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:16,867
- Take four.
348
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:18,133
- My prices are so low
349
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:19,533
that you'll go ape.
350
00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:22,733
- Cut.
351
00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:24,133
- Oh!
352
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,267
- Smilin' Jack Furniture,
take 17.
353
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:26,767
- It's not a real ape.
354
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,967
It is not a real ape.
355
00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:30,733
.
356
00:13:30,733 --> 00:13:31,900
- 37.
357
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:32,967
- You'll go ape.
358
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:35,933
- Take 42.
359
00:13:35,933 --> 00:13:37,200
- You'll go ape.
360
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,233
- Cut.
361
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:42,900
- Guys, that's
a natural reaction.
362
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,133
Come on, Jack.
Get it together!
363
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,867
- How are you
getting more scared?
364
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:49,300
- Guys, I'm sorry.
Hey, listen.
365
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,933
Maybe we can just, um,
lose the ape part
366
00:13:51,933 --> 00:13:54,867
and skip straight to the gymnast
who's flipping over my prices.
367
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,067
- We can't just lose
the ape part, Jack.
368
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,133
I mean, you can't go
from grandma to gymnast.
369
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,200
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, am I crazy?
370
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,533
- No, you're not.
371
00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:04,133
The script is not
the problem here.
372
00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,533
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
373
00:14:05,533 --> 00:14:07,133
- Oh, okay.
- No, no, no.
374
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:08,800
Hey, look, why don't
we just take a break?
375
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,300
We'll regroup,
and we'll calm down.
376
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,233
- I'm calm.
377
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:16,267
- We've done 42 takes.
- Yeah.
378
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:17,600
- We're not even close.
379
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,800
We're gonna miss
Doughnut's show.
380
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,467
Maybe we should
just simplify it.
381
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,300
- No way. Right now,
the Smiths are sitting
382
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,300
on their giant bunk bed,
and they're laughing at us.
383
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,600
This next take is the one.
I can feel it, Sam.
384
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,600
He's ready.
385
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:34,967
- He's ready.
386
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,067
- Detroit, show your love
387
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:39,467
for Doughnut Perkins.
388
00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:42,367
How y'all feeling, huh?
389
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:44,767
That's right. Doughnut!
390
00:14:46,133 --> 00:14:47,600
You know what
drives me crazy, y'all,
391
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,500
is nerdy white guys
who marry black women.
392
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,100
Am I right?
393
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,800
I mean, look at this nerdy
white guy right here.
394
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,667
Uh...
395
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,833
Chrissy, where's Tim?
396
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,800
- He had to work.
397
00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,600
He was my whole set.
398
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,533
- I'm sorry, Doughnut.
399
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,167
- Uh...
400
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:12,933
uh, moving on, y'all.
401
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:15,067
Doughnut!
402
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:17,200
You ever--so basically, um--
403
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,667
- Yes, you missed it.
404
00:15:22,667 --> 00:15:24,800
- I am so sorry, Doughnut.
405
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:25,933
- You should be, man.
406
00:15:25,933 --> 00:15:27,333
I was counting on you, Tim.
407
00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:28,700
I'm never gonna
forgive you for this.
408
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,200
You either, Sam.
409
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,200
Can we have
two Downrivers, please?
410
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,367
- The body was found dead
in an apartment
411
00:15:42,367 --> 00:15:46,500
the FBI is claiming belonged
to the real Santa Claus.
412
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,600
More after these messages.
413
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:52,067
- Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture
414
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:53,700
is the only place
you need to go
415
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:57,533
for your teens and babies.
416
00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:01,067
I said babies, Irv,
not babes.
417
00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:04,733
Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture.
418
00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:07,233
- Ask for Irv
and Doris Smith.
419
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,267
We'll be here.
420
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:10,533
- Aw.
421
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,367
We shot that commercial
in one take.
422
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:15,433
Then Irv and Doris had us over
to their house for dinner.
423
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,667
I miss them so much.
424
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,867
- Why did they
do this to us?
425
00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:29,800
*
426
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:39,400
- Guys...
427
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,933
I don't want
to run the ad.
428
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,267
- Oh, thank God,
'cause that thing
429
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:44,233
is turning out
like pure crap.
430
00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:45,700
- Thank you for saying that.
431
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,067
I can't imagine
what else it could be.
432
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:48,333
- Yeah. Oh, whew!
433
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:49,500
It's okay, though.
It's okay.
434
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,167
You know, what we can do
for you is,
435
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:53,067
we can set you up
with some new billboards.
436
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:55,867
- Guys, I don't want
to do the billboards either.
437
00:16:55,867 --> 00:16:57,833
Advertising,
it's...
438
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,567
it's brought me nothing
439
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,633
but pain and embarrassment.
440
00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:03,433
I...
441
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,333
Look, I think we should
just go our separate ways.
442
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:13,400
Un...be...lievable.
443
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,833
I mean, first,
444
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,133
you ruin
our perfect commercial.
445
00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:17,567
- Yeah.
446
00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:18,967
Ooh, I want
to bounce your head
447
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:20,733
against every glass window
in this place!
448
00:17:20,733 --> 00:17:22,933
- Listen, fellas, fellas,
I think we all know
449
00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:25,833
that this wasn't working out.
450
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:28,767
- All that means is that
we need to try harder.
451
00:17:28,767 --> 00:17:32,533
- Tim, I just think--
I think it's over, okay?
452
00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:36,667
- Welcome back.
Are you ready to order?
453
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,933
- Of course.
454
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,067
- All right, then I guess
I'll just have a surf and turf.
455
00:17:41,067 --> 00:17:42,767
- Yeah, I'll do
the surf and turf as well.
456
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,300
- Yeah, and the calamari
to split.
457
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:46,567
- Can we get mozz sticks
with all the dips?
458
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,933
- Yeah, and then maybe a bowl
of pasta to split for the table.
459
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,333
- Do you get bread sticks
with the dips?
460
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:54,133
- And a triple bourbon
and a Vernors
461
00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:55,233
and an arancini ball.
462
00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,300
- It's, like,
an Italian rice dish,
463
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,500
sometimes with mac and cheese.
464
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:00,667
- Mac and cheese too, yeah.
465
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:01,867
Yeah, we'll take that one too,
466
00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:03,567
please, with a little dip.
467
00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:05,733
- Oh, I'll just share with them.
468
00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:08,233
- This guy.
Can you believe it?
469
00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:10,067
Can you fricking believe it?
470
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,200
- Shh, calm down, Sam.
471
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,067
- Now that I've had time
to process it,
472
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,500
I'm not even mad anymore.
473
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,867
- Nah, Smilin' Jack's
a piece of shit.
474
00:18:18,867 --> 00:18:21,467
What a week.
- Yeah.
475
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,067
- You know what would make me
feel good right about now?
476
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,067
- Going to see a giant
30-foot-high bunk bed
477
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,067
on top of a baby and teen
kid furniture store?
478
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,700
- Exactly that.
- Let's do it.
479
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:35,733
*
480
00:18:35,733 --> 00:18:38,900
- Sam, Tim, hello.
481
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:41,967
- Not too good.
482
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:44,633
Turns out nobody cares
about our giant bunk bed.
483
00:18:44,633 --> 00:18:46,800
- 30 feet seems big
until you put it
484
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,233
way up there
on top of the roof.
485
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:56,067
- This was supposed to be just
the first step in a grand plan.
486
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:58,233
Doris had the idea
to have two inflatable teens
487
00:18:58,233 --> 00:18:59,900
getting into the bunk bed.
488
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:02,133
- Preteens, dear.
- Sorry, preteens.
489
00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:04,300
- Beautiful,
beautiful preteens.
490
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,700
You know, fuzz
above the boy's lip
491
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:10,433
and gorgeous, innocent faces
just covered in zits.
492
00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:12,900
Best part...
493
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:15,933
we were gonna have a pump
attached to the boy's crotch.
494
00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:19,733
You know, teen boys
just can't control it.
495
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:22,900
Now, it's not that he likes
his sister in that way.
496
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,400
It's just that, well,
they do share a bedroom,
497
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,533
and things get confusing.
498
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:30,433
Now it's never gonna happen.
499
00:19:30,433 --> 00:19:32,133
Boys, would you like to hear
500
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,833
the world's saddest
nine
501
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,533
For sale,
502
00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:42,600
shoes for two
inflatable preteens,
503
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,900
never used.
504
00:19:46,767 --> 00:19:48,867
- Boys, will you
take us back?
505
00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:50,733
- Only if you'll
have us, Irv.
506
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:51,733
- Oh!
507
00:19:54,733 --> 00:19:59,300
*
508
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,800
- Would you boys like
to come over for dinner tonight?
509
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,433
- Actually, there's someplace
we'd like to take you.
510
00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:08,467
[sniffling
- Oh.
511
00:20:11,833 --> 00:20:13,300
- You know what drive me crazy
512
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,200
is nerdy white guys
that marry black women.
513
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,267
Am I right?
514
00:20:17,267 --> 00:20:19,367
Look at this nerdy
white guy right here.
515
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:22,267
Oh, his black wife cook him
collard greens,
516
00:20:22,267 --> 00:20:23,867
he's like, "Oh, thank you
for the green beans."
517
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,600
Old small-ass dick.
518
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,767
His wedding day,
he was like, "I do."
519
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:33,600
His wedding night, he was like,
"Uh, I'm in."
520
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:38,367
What was your first dance,
the Macarena?
521
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,033
Old dumbass white boy.
522
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:50,300
Doughnut!
523
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:53,000
Whoo!
524
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,367
Oh, shit, there's two
old white people.
525
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,600
- Oh!
- Oh!
526
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,867
- Can somebody tell me
what the "Titanic" was like?
527
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,700
Doughnut!
528
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,800
Doughnut.
529
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,467
- Smith's Baby and Teen
Kid Furniture.
530
00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:18,100
- Ask for Irv
and Doris Smith.
531
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:19,767
We'll be here.
532
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,533
- Cut. Cut. We're good.
- We're good.
533
00:21:25,533 --> 00:21:26,467
- Cut!
- That's a cut.
37004
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