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1
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:18,967
*
2
00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:24,233
- Oh, shit!
3
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:27,767
- Ow, ow.
4
00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:31,633
- Yeah.
- Okay. Oh, gosh.
5
00:00:31,633 --> 00:00:33,300
Ow, okay.
6
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,067
Hi.
7
00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:38,900
- I'm Sam.
- I'm Samantha.
8
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:40,567
My friends
call me Sam, so...
9
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,800
- What a coincidence.
10
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,100
My friends call me Samantha.
11
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,133
- Oh!
- So...
12
00:00:44,133 --> 00:00:47,100
- Sam. Sam!
13
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:48,567
Tim's stomach is upset,
14
00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:50,233
and he wants you
to come rub his belly.
15
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:52,867
- He wants you.
16
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:55,633
- Tell him to bring the Vernors.
My guts are going nuts.
17
00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,267
- And he wants you
to bring a Vernors.
18
00:00:57,267 --> 00:01:00,133
- Yeah, I heard him.
- My guts are going nuts!
19
00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:03,100
- I've, uh--I've got to go.
20
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,200
My friend can't poop
unless I rub his belly.
21
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:08,933
I'll be right back if you--
22
00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:10,967
- I think I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
23
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,067
It's probably a no-go, okay.
24
00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:15,633
- Okay.
- Ooh, you're with a lady.
25
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,767
- Shut up, Tim.
26
00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:18,833
- * Next time
27
00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,067
* When they ask you
28
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:22,300
* Where you're from *
29
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,100
* You gon' say Detroit city *
30
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:28,200
* When we get back on our feet,
yeah *
31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,767
* Yeah
32
00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:35,100
*
33
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:38,067
- So WebMD says I have colitis.
34
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,300
Turns out when I lost
all that weight,
35
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,633
I thought I was
getting healthier.
36
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,300
I was actually getting sick.
37
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:46,467
So now I can't have milk,
ice cream, cheese.
38
00:01:46,467 --> 00:01:47,633
Can't have yogurt.
39
00:01:47,633 --> 00:01:49,333
- Dairy.
- Yeah, exactly. Dairy.
40
00:01:49,333 --> 00:01:51,700
Can't have it,
so Chrissy made me
41
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,833
a dairy-free dinner
last night.
42
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,833
It was actually pretty good.
43
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:56,967
God, I love her.
44
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:58,367
Honestly,
every day I wake up,
45
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,233
I'm so thankful
to have her.
46
00:02:00,233 --> 00:02:02,233
When are you gonna
settle down, man?
47
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:05,100
- Sure.
48
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,600
- Excuse me!
49
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,067
We're talking!
50
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:10,833
Move it along.
51
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:12,700
Thanks.
52
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,833
Seriously, man,
when are you gonna settle down?
53
00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:17,100
It's amazing.
54
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,367
- Yeah, Tim, I do want
to meet somebody.
55
00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:22,533
- Hey, I like your shirt.
56
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,067
That color looks great
on you.
57
00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:26,100
- Oh, so you just
interrupt people?
58
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:29,067
Is that your whole gig,
you interrupt folks?
59
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:32,600
We don't know
who you are.
60
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,933
Later, dude.
61
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:39,100
Seriously, why are you
not settling down?
62
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,533
- Because of you, Tim!
63
00:02:40,533 --> 00:02:43,400
It's impossible
to meet girls around you.
64
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,333
- Okay, that's insane.
65
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,500
- Oh, yeah, sure.
Okay, I'm insane, then.
66
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,967
- Suit yourself, man.
Giving you advice.
67
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,867
What if he's right?
68
00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:58,400
What if he is insane
69
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,567
and I'm just a figment
of his imagination?
70
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,667
Oh, man.
71
00:03:07,133 --> 00:03:09,633
Oh, no.
72
00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:11,767
Oh, crap.
73
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:13,667
Tell Sam the Vernors kicked in.
74
00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,767
- Tim said to tell you
the Vernors started working.
75
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:26,333
- Ah, that means he had
to go home and dump.
76
00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:27,933
- Everybody knows
what that means.
77
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:30,133
- Yeah, grown man
can only poop at home.
78
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,233
- I can poop anywhere,
anytime.
79
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:34,733
- Okay.
- Yzerman Drive was bananas.
80
00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:36,433
- Yeah, well,
it's Hockeytown, babe.
81
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,600
- Sandy, get me a pop.
82
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,967
- Make that two pops,
83
00:03:38,967 --> 00:03:41,067
and I'll take
some apps and ranch.
84
00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:42,333
- Excuse us.
85
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:43,767
Can we use your stool
for our jackets?
86
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:45,133
- Yeah, go nuts.
87
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:46,433
- Oh, remind me.
88
00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:47,567
We got to stop at Meijer's
89
00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:49,433
for some crackers and pop.
90
00:03:49,433 --> 00:03:52,433
[The Spinners' "Could it Be
I'm Falling In Love
91
00:03:55,433 --> 00:04:02,433
*
92
00:04:05,633 --> 00:04:07,467
- * Since I met you
93
00:04:07,467 --> 00:04:12,067
* I've begun to feel
so strange *
94
00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:15,567
* Every time
I speak your name *
95
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:16,900
* That's funny *
96
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,067
* You say that you
97
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,333
* Are so helpless too
98
00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:25,167
* That you don't know
what to do *
99
00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:26,867
* Hoo
100
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,567
* Each night I pray
101
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:32,667
* There will never come a day
102
00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:37,500
* When you up
and take your love away *
103
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,133
* Say you feel
the same way too *
104
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,900
* And I wonder what
105
00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:49,833
*
106
00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:58,067
- What the--
107
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,933
- You can't do that.
108
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:08,867
*
109
00:05:24,633 --> 00:05:26,467
I'd like
to order him a martini.
110
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:27,733
- Absolutely.
111
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,467
- I didn't order that,
and I'm not paying for that.
112
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:32,867
It's a freaking scam, dude.
113
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:36,233
- Compliments
of Councilwoman Gwinnett.
114
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:37,800
- Oh!
115
00:05:40,133 --> 00:05:41,567
Ah.
116
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:43,300
- Hi there.
- Hey.
117
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,300
Uh, thanks for the drink.
118
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,533
- Oh, sure.
119
00:05:48,533 --> 00:05:49,800
Are you alone?
120
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,233
- Well, not anymore.
121
00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:56,400
- I'm looking for a good time.
122
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,933
- Well...you found one.
123
00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,367
*
124
00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:16,433
- Cock-a-doodle-doo!
125
00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:25,367
- Hey.
126
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:28,300
That was good.
- Yeah.
127
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:31,100
- So...until the next time.
128
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,433
*
129
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,500
- I mean, well,
there's got to be
130
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,700
a lot of reasons
why she'd leave $300
131
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:43,067
on my nightstand.
132
00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:44,333
- Sure, maybe
she broke something
133
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,733
and she wanted
to pay for it.
134
00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,733
Morning hot dogs for Sam
135
00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:51,100
and hot dogs Benedict
for my lady.
136
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,567
- Thank you, babe.
137
00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:54,067
- Well, she did rip
my Superman underwear
138
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:55,067
when she took them off.
139
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,067
- Well, there you go.
140
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,100
- But if that's true,
141
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,200
she wildly overvalued them.
142
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,233
- Not if you account
for sentimental value.
143
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,967
You loved those.
- I did love those.
144
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:04,333
- You did.
- Well, that's it.
145
00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:06,067
both: That's it.
We figured it out.
146
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,333
- That's easy.
That's actually pretty easy.
147
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:08,633
- That's one of our best
mysteries.
148
00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:10,933
- No. Sam, she thinks
you're a whore.
149
00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:12,567
- Chrissy!
150
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:14,233
Why would she need
a prostitute?
151
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,267
She's amazing.
152
00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:16,400
- Hold on.
153
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,167
Eliot Spitzer was amazing.
154
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:20,267
- Is.
- Is.
155
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:23,100
- He looks like Skeletor
with the skin on.
156
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:25,667
Mm-mm-mm!
157
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,667
- And he used
prostitutes, Sam.
158
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:28,767
- Mm-hmm.
159
00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:33,667
- * If you want to know
160
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,633
* Where it all belongs
161
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:37,667
- Ow!
162
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:38,667
- * It's magic *
163
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,067
- Aw, suki, suki!
164
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,433
- * Oh
165
00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,500
*
166
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:49,300
* If you ever go
167
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,600
* Don't be scared *
168
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,067
* 'Cause you know *
169
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:57,433
* There's magic *
170
00:07:57,433 --> 00:08:01,067
* Na-ah, na, na-na
171
00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,900
* Na-na, na, na
172
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,633
* Na-na, na, na, na-na-na
173
00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:06,967
* Na, na
174
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:08,733
* Na, na, na
175
00:08:08,733 --> 00:08:11,300
* Na, na, na, na
176
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,567
* Na-na, na, na, na-na-na
177
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:15,067
* Na, na
178
00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,867
* Na, na, na
179
00:08:16,867 --> 00:08:18,800
* Na, na, na, na
180
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:23,100
* Na-na, na, na,
na-na-na, na *
181
00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:28,067
- Oh, my God, you're
a full-on prostitute now.
182
00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,300
- No, I'm not.
183
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,367
My lady just likes her baby
looking fine,
184
00:08:31,367 --> 00:08:32,967
so she gives me monetary gifts
185
00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:34,200
so I can buy nice things.
186
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,533
Now, where's the remote?
187
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,300
Rachel's giving
a press conference,
188
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,400
and she said she's gonna
work my name into her speech.
189
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,700
- I would like to assure
the people of Detroit
190
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,733
that I have done no wrong.
191
00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:46,533
And at the Sam time--
192
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:47,667
- Psh, barely.
193
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:50,200
- I'm sorry, at the same time,
194
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,700
I would also like to apologize
to Speaker Roberts
195
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,600
for...calling him a Minion.
196
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:58,633
Any questions?
197
00:08:58,633 --> 00:09:00,600
- Look at him.
198
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,100
- Over here.
199
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:04,633
- Right here, right here,
right here.
200
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,133
- Councilwoman,
I have a question for you.
201
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,900
- Hey.
202
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,233
- I'm good.
203
00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,467
Anything happen?
204
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,433
- You know Cheryl who works
on the line next to me?
205
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:16,867
- Of course.
206
00:09:16,867 --> 00:09:18,867
- Turns out she was
an undercover boss.
207
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,467
- No shit.
208
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:23,233
- Yeah, fake hair,
fake nose, everything.
209
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:25,067
She's, like,
the CEO of Chrysler.
210
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,467
- Wow.
211
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,400
- Sam's a full-on
prostitute now.
212
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,467
Yeah, monochrome suit, earring,
the whole nine yards.
213
00:09:32,467 --> 00:09:34,267
- What an idiot.
214
00:09:34,267 --> 00:09:37,067
- Such an idiot,
getting all dressed up,
215
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:39,767
having drinks at fancy hotels.
216
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:42,567
- Then going upstairs
for dirty, meaningless sex
217
00:09:42,567 --> 00:09:44,400
with no strings attached.
218
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,100
- Monochrome suits, earring,
the whole nine yards.
219
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:50,733
- No names,
just sweat and bodies.
220
00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:52,600
- Monochrome suit.
221
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,867
What do you want for dinner?
222
00:09:53,867 --> 00:09:55,400
- Milk and cheese, please.
223
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,933
- You can't have dairy.
- Pizza.
224
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,067
- I got you something.
225
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:07,800
It's a PANDORA bracelet.
226
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,233
'Cause, you know,
227
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,800
that's the nature
of our relationship.
228
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,400
We both give each other
things, you know.
229
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,867
Yup, this one's a heart,
you know, for obvious reasons.
230
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,933
This one's an owl
because you finished college.
231
00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:24,900
And this one's a soccer ball
because it's rad.
232
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:26,033
- I'm sorry.
233
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:28,300
Sam, did I misinterpret
something?
234
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,067
Are you a prostitute?
235
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,467
Are you a prostitute?
236
00:10:36,467 --> 00:10:39,067
- I'm sorry,
one more time.
237
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:41,700
Are you sure
you're a prostitute?
238
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,967
Of course I'm a prostitute,
all right?
239
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,567
- Just checking.
240
00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:50,700
- Good.
241
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,133
- Good night, Sam,
242
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:55,133
or whatever your real name is.
243
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,367
- It's Sam.
244
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:02,767
- From the lady.
245
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,067
- I don't want it.
246
00:11:10,433 --> 00:11:11,900
Hey, wait...
247
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,367
I'm a fricking whore.
248
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,600
*
249
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,667
- Sam.
250
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,833
What is the meaning of this?
251
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,833
"Get satisfied today
by Sam 'The Man' Duvet"?
252
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,600
- Tim, she pressed me
about really being
253
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,267
a prostitute;
I freaked out.
254
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:36,133
You know, I thought I got
to create a paper trail.
255
00:11:36,133 --> 00:11:37,600
- This is offensive.
256
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,800
- Tim, I'm not actually
a prostitute.
257
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,933
- No, I'm offended you didn't
come to me to produce this ad.
258
00:11:43,933 --> 00:11:45,967
I could have done
so much with you.
259
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:47,633
Can't even see your nipples.
260
00:11:47,633 --> 00:11:48,933
How's it doing?
261
00:11:48,933 --> 00:11:50,200
- Not bad.
262
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,933
A lot of texts,
mostly wang pics.
263
00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:53,667
The real mistake was using
my actual phone number.
264
00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:55,833
- Oh, sure, yeah.
265
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,400
- Oh, come on.
266
00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:00,167
- Oh!
267
00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:04,200
- Tim, you think
this is all worth it?
268
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,667
Do you think
she really likes me?
269
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:07,167
- No, man.
270
00:12:07,167 --> 00:12:09,167
I think she thinks
you're a fricking prostitute.
271
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:12,433
- Yeah, but I really,
really like her,
272
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:14,700
and, you know, maybe if I
keep this up long enough,
273
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,067
she'll discover that she
really, really likes me too.
274
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:20,533
Like in "She's All That"?
275
00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:22,467
- Exactly like
in "She's All That."
276
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:26,067
- I have a delivery
from Councilwoman Gwinnett
277
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:27,733
for Sam Duvet?
278
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:29,367
Councilwoman Gwinnett
would like to see you
279
00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:30,533
at the charity event tonight
280
00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:32,100
at the Detroit
Institute of Arts.
281
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,333
She'd like you to wear this.
282
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:37,900
*
283
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,267
- Tim, a tuxedo,
284
00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:42,600
a charity event,
a museum?
285
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,900
- Mm.
286
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:46,233
- Tim, tonight might be
the night.
287
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,067
- You did it.
288
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,533
You "She's All That'd" her.
289
00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:50,467
- I sure did.
290
00:12:58,233 --> 00:13:04,533
*
291
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,133
- Change in plans.
292
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,633
I need you
to get out of here.
293
00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:19,633
- Yes.
294
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,367
Is that another pro?
295
00:13:22,367 --> 00:13:24,067
Does he have an ad
in the paper?
296
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:25,233
Because I do.
297
00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:27,300
- That's my husband.
298
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,567
- Yes.
299
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:32,300
- Sam, would you keep
your voice down?
300
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,467
- I will not
keep my voice down!
301
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:36,300
- Okay, Sam, you need
to pull it together.
302
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,500
- A man that I pay for sex.
303
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,133
- Yeah, but when we met,
304
00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:42,833
didn't you feel
a connection?
305
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:44,667
- No, not really.
306
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:46,300
You were
at the Jefferson Hotel.
307
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:47,667
You were holding
a single rose.
308
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:49,067
That's the signal
for a honey boy
309
00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,367
open for business.
310
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:52,567
- So that's all I am
to you, huh?
311
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:54,500
Just some honey boy, huh?
312
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,867
That's all I am,
313
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:58,667
just some big dick
for money, huh?
314
00:13:58,667 --> 00:13:59,900
Is that it?
315
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:03,200
Just a veiny wang
with a knot at the end
316
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,300
and two huge,
pendulum balls?
317
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,400
Is that all I am, huh?
318
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,433
Yeah, just a guy with
a Joe Louis fist in his pants
319
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,300
and a freshly bleached butthole
you could eat off of?
320
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,633
Mwah! Mama mia.
321
00:14:14,633 --> 00:14:16,067
Is that it?
322
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,767
Well, Rachel, this huge,
323
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:20,367
honking pecker
is attached to a body,
324
00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:22,400
and that body has a heart
325
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:26,367
and a soul and a brain
326
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:31,967
and arms, feet, neck,
327
00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:33,467
and--and--and--and--and--
328
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:34,567
- Sam.
- Yeah, I know.
329
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,433
I lost the thread there.
330
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,700
What was I s--
331
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:39,733
And just a huge pecker!
332
00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:48,967
*
333
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,533
- From the lady.
334
00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:58,967
*
335
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,833
- Thanks for the drink.
336
00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,333
- I'm looking
for a date tonight.
337
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:09,667
- That's gonna cost you.
338
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,700
How much?
339
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,633
- $1 million.
340
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:22,333
- Worth every penny.
341
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:23,700
- No, thanks.
342
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,633
- What do you mean,
"No, thanks"?
343
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,300
We're pretending.
What's it matter?
344
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:29,700
- It's pretend money.
345
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,833
- Okay,
346
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,267
what does a million dollars
get me?
347
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:43,667
Salad tossing,
to completion.
348
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:48,067
$500,000.
349
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,067
- Ooh!
350
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:53,167
Fine, I'll do it,
351
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:56,333
but my pimp's
gonna kill me.
352
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:57,867
- Say, pretty boy,
353
00:15:57,867 --> 00:15:59,867
what's your name?
354
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,867
- Sam Duvet.
355
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:07,433
- Ugh, Tim, that's nasty.
356
00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,700
You could pick any name
in the world,
357
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,567
and you pick my brother's?
358
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:13,067
- My name is...
359
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:15,767
Chrissy Cramblin.
360
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:17,533
- That's my name.
361
00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:20,267
- I'm not good
at making up names.
362
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:22,433
- Just come on.
363
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:24,267
Bubba Sparxxx.
364
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:34,200
*
365
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,767
- Hey, pal.
You all right?
366
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,100
- I don't want
to talk about it.
367
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,533
- Scandal rocks
local government
368
00:16:44,533 --> 00:16:46,500
as Councilwoman Rachel Gwinnett
369
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,233
was caught using city funds
370
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:51,500
to buy the services
of a local male prostitute.
371
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,533
- Oh, no. My parents
are gonna see this.
372
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,267
- Don't worry.
They won't know it's you.
373
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,767
- The honey boy in question,
Sam "The Man" Duvet,
374
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,733
was confirmed
to be a prostitute
375
00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:02,900
thanks to the following
unreleased ad.
376
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,733
I can dance all night, baby.
377
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,767
Touching.
378
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,467
Licking.
379
00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:11,933
Butts.
380
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,167
*
381
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:18,900
Orgasmic.
382
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:21,500
Well, how'd they get that?
383
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,100
- I sent it in.
384
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,900
It's the best thing
we've ever done, Sam.
385
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,667
- We now go live
386
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:28,733
to Councilwoman Gwinnett's
press conference.
387
00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:33,133
- Once again, I apologize
to the city of Detroit.
388
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,667
I've let you down.
389
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:36,100
I should have never
consorted
390
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,967
with that bimbo.
391
00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:40,733
And the worst thing is,
he wasn't all that good.
392
00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:42,433
- Oh, well,
she's lying about that.
393
00:17:42,433 --> 00:17:44,267
- Sure, I know.
- He wasn't all that good.
394
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:47,567
And he had
an aggressively medium wang.
395
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,300
- She's lying!
She's a liar.
396
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,833
- Next up, Red Wings fans
397
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,933
have something to cheer about,
398
00:17:53,933 --> 00:17:56,267
as they recover two
frozen bodies from the ice.
399
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,367
- See those girls
playing pool?
400
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,467
One of them
was looking at you.
401
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,767
Come on, I'll introduce you.
402
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:08,200
- No way.
- Oh, don't be nervous.
403
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,867
- I'm not nervous, Tim.
You're just a terrible wingman.
404
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:14,100
- Fine, I'll just stay here.
405
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,433
You go on over there.
406
00:18:15,433 --> 00:18:17,933
I'm just some guy at the bar
407
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:21,333
who doesn't even know you,
doesn't love you.
408
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,267
Go on, buddy.
409
00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:25,533
- Thanks, buddy.
- Yeah.
410
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,333
- I got next.
411
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,200
- Well, that means
you'll be playing me.
412
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,067
- Mm-hmm.
413
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,200
- I'm Sam.
- Vickie. Nice to meet you.
414
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,967
- Nice to meet you.
- Sorry, ladies.
415
00:18:37,967 --> 00:18:41,333
- Don't.
- I don't know this guy.
416
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:42,600
But I want to say...
417
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,433
- He seems like
a great guy,
418
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:46,700
the kind of guy
you'd be proud
419
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,967
to bring home
to your parents.
420
00:18:48,967 --> 00:18:51,667
Just thought I'd drop by
and say that.
421
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,067
I'll get out of your way.
422
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:56,633
*
423
00:18:57,833 --> 00:19:00,067
- That was weird.
424
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,533
Well, he's not wrong.
425
00:19:01,533 --> 00:19:03,100
- Yeah.
426
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,100
- Mm!
427
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,400
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry.
428
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,267
I just realized
that last interaction
429
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:11,733
may have come across
a little weird.
430
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:14,067
That's because I forgot
to introduce myself.
431
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:16,667
My name's Mike Cyclops.
I work for NASA.
432
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,700
- And let me just tell you,
433
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,500
there is a lot
they're not telling you, man.
434
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:22,933
Trust me.
435
00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:25,667
I worked security at Area 51.
436
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:29,067
Got kicked out for banging
one of the aliens.
437
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,400
She was hot too.
438
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,933
She, he, it--
it had everything,
439
00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:38,100
and I love that.
440
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:41,767
Oh, God, I miss her.
I really do.
441
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,600
*
442
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,833
- Uh--
443
00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:51,833
Uh, so what--
444
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:53,100
- I'm sorry.
--
445
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,500
- I lied. I lied.
446
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:55,933
I do know him.
447
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:58,833
I was his Uber driver.
448
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:01,000
I just wanted
to come over here
449
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,767
and tell you that,
in case you felt
450
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:05,733
that there was an undeniable
preexisting chemistry.
451
00:20:05,733 --> 00:20:07,600
Yeah, I'm an Uber driver.
452
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,700
It's actually pretty fun.
It can be fun.
453
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,833
- Yeah, all right.
Yeah, great.
454
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,733
*
455
00:20:15,733 --> 00:20:18,367
So--
456
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:19,700
Are you kidding me?
457
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,700
After you farted in my car?
458
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,100
- Tim!
459
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,433
- Didn't even
roll down the window.
460
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,233
- Ew!
461
00:20:26,233 --> 00:20:27,233
- I don't know.
462
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:28,400
I think, deep down,
463
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,933
I want to sabotage
your relationships
464
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:32,067
so I can have you
all to myself.
465
00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:33,700
He's a piece of shit.
466
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:38,533
- Uh...
467
00:20:38,533 --> 00:20:41,000
So, uh, Veronica...
468
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,100
- Vickie.
- Vickie.
469
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,200
- Whatever.
- Vickie, yeah.
470
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,067
I couldn't help but notice
you were watching me,
471
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:49,167
checking me out
from over at the bar.
472
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:52,367
- Yeah, you're that prostitute
from the news, right?
473
00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:02,567
I was never really
a prostitute.
474
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:03,900
Let's make that clear.
475
00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:06,467
She just paid me for sex.
476
00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:14,767
- So that's all I am
to you, huh?
477
00:21:14,767 --> 00:21:16,567
Just some honey boy, huh?
478
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:17,933
That's all I am,
479
00:21:17,933 --> 00:21:20,567
just some big dick
for money, huh?
480
00:21:20,567 --> 00:21:21,833
Is that it?
481
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:24,900
Just a veiny wang
with a knot at the end
482
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,067
and two huge,
pendulum balls?
31523
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