Original subtitles

Looky, looky. Special delivery.

Oh, my God! Who got me those? I bet they're from Mike.

- Nope. Mn-mn. - Barry.

- Chris. Ned. - Mn-mn. Mn-mn.

- The other Chris. - Mn-mn. No.

- The other Barry. - Nope.

Alan, are they for me from you?

[laughing]

Actually, they're for Mitchee.

[laughing]

- Oh, oh, oh.. - Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. Cool.

- There, sweetie. - Wow.

Oh, my God! They're from Zach.

Burn them! Throw them away!

In fact, give them to me.

- Oh. - Farrah, what..

What are you doing?

You're supposed to sprinkle this in the water.

It makes them last longer.

- Who's Zach? - It's a long story.

She met him in grad school. He was the love of her life.

Until he dumped her, thus ruining her life.

He didn't ruin my life.

They went out for a million years

and he broke her heart into two pieces.

Wait, switch that. Two years and a million pieces.

Yeah.

Then one April morning in 2001..

Do we really have to go over all this again?

...she decided to ask about the future of their relationship.

His response was to go for a jog.

Guess what? He never came back.

Well, he's back.

- What? - He's right outside.

[door opens]

Hey. I see you got the flowers.

I swear they didn't look like that when I got 'em.

Zach, what are you doing here?

- I came to apologize. - No need for that.

Lots of people take five years to jog.

You're not welcome here, Zach.

You know what? I can handle this on my own.

Okay, look, I-I know how you all feel.

And you're right, I don't deserve to see Mitchee again.

I don't even deserve to set foot in the same city

where she lives, but I had to come

'cause I needed you all to know how sorry I am.

Tell it to my buttocks.

- And mine. - No, no.

He does not deserve to speak to my wife's buttocks.

You know what, you got a lot of nerve waltzing back in here

after all this time, like nothing ever happened.

As if we'd all forget how you led this girl on

and then tossed her away like a used piece of..

Oh, bagels done. Heh-heh.

[theme song]

? Oh sister sister hey sister ?

? Come on let's rock the boat ?

? When you're tryin' to be on the ground ?

? Now let's all cheero ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ?

? Oh hey sisters don't you wanna rock the boat? ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ??

[elevator bell rings]

Hey, Farrah. Are you ready for lunch?

I can't. Mitchee's in there with her creepy ex-boyfriend.

I just wish I knew what they were saying.

Oh, do you want me to read their lips?

- You can do that? - I had to learn.

For a week in 1996, I suffered from hysterical deafness.

Which sounds like a funny disease, but it's not.

When I broke up with you, I made a huge mistake.

When I woke up at 2:00, I ate a huge tube steak.

Ew!

Since I let you go, nothing's felt right.

Since I let one go, nothing smelt right.

So what looks good?

Oh, my God! That's Terry Hutchins.

- Oh. - The billionaire.

He's the only man to win the America's Cup bicycle

across Australia and hang- glide into Mount Saint Helens

while it was erupting. He's my idol.

I bought you a bike and you never ride it.

Wait, that is not the point, he is one of the most powerful

and influential men on the planet.

Well, good for him.

Oh, my God. Ah. He is coming this way.

- I'm gonna say something to h- - No, no, no, don't.

Alan, you'll embarrass yourself.

Hi, hello, I am Terry Hutchins

and you are my biggest fan.

[chuckling]

Well, it's always a pleasure to meet me.

Lee?

Hello, Terry.

My God, you look sensational.

Thank you. So do you.

- Oh. This is- - Terry Hutchins.

I know. We just met.

So how have you been?

I've been good. I'm married now.

Well, you, sir, are a lucky, lucky, lucky man!

- Terry. Ha-ha. - Thank you.

Look, I gotta run, but, uh..

God, it was great seeing you again.

- Nice seeing you, too. - Really great.

[chuckles] Lucky.

[laughs]

Oh, that Terry Hutchins.

[door opens]

Excuse me.

What were you and him doing in here for over an hour?

I was yelling at him. I mean..

You know, when a guy hurts you that badly

it's rare that you get the opportunity

to really tell him off.

Sorry, I, uh, forgot this. Uh..

So I'll see you tonight at 8:00?

Tonight at 8:00?

That's when I'm really gonna give it

to him.

- Oh, God. You like him again. - Maybe a little.

Mitchee, what is there about him that you could possibly like?

I can't explain it, I mean, it's like

on paper he's not even my type

but it's like... I don't know.

You know how when we were little, on Christmas Eve

we would sneak downstairs and look at all the presents?

Remember that excited, tingly feeling we would get?

Well, I never had that feeling again until I met Zach.

And seeing him just now, I-I felt that way again.

Wow. I had no idea.

Come here.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Oh, God! W.. What's with the tiny pinch?

Wake up, Mitchee.

Maybe you only remember the tingly feeling

but what I remember is six months of misery

with you laying around in your pajamas

eating ramen noodles and watching Lifetime Movies.

Well, maybe he's changed.

Listen, girl, men like him never change.

You're just gonna get sucked back in again.

And then the second you mention the future

he's gonna slap on the jogging shoes

and run out of your life forever.

Okay, okay, fine, fine.

- You're right. I won't see him. - Good, good.

'Cause I don't wanna have to pick up the pieces.

Well, who would wanna pick up the feces?

[instrumental music]

Are you sure you're not upset about Terry Hutchens?

Ah. Lee, I'm not upset.

I'm just a little surprised that you never told me.

I mean, after all, I've told you about all the women in my past.

Yeah. Sylvia.

See, I didn't leave anybody out.

No, you're right. I'm sorry.

I should have told you about Terry.

I just thought that you would be really jealous.

Well, that's absurd.

Lee I have made my peace with the fact

that there have been other men in your past.

What does it matter to me if one of them

is a famous, ruggedly handsome billionaire adventurer?

- Really, Alan? - Absolutely.

Just out of curiosity, how long were you two together?

Oh, it was just for the summer.

That's nice. A summer romance.

And part of the fall.

So you watched the leaves change

and then it was over?

Right. Once the ski season ended.

Well, no one likes to ski alone.

Anyway, the point is, that's all in the past.

That's right, Alan. And it was 30 years ago.

And we're together. And that's all that matters.

- Lee, guess who's here. - Hello, Lee.

Well, of course she's gonna guess it now.

[grunts]

(Terry) 'Forgive me for interrupting'

but I just had to track you down.

How did you find me?

I have a network of

surveillance professionals

dedicated to finding any information I need.

And you're in the book.

Listen, I'm only in the States for a few days

and I'd love to have dinner with you tonight.

Both of you.

Oh, no, no, you two go ahead.

I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do.

Are you sure, Alan?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Great. Say, seven o'clock at Trader Lounge?

Yeah, but you need to make a reservation

like, a month in advance.

Ah, don't worry, if they don't let us in

I'll just buy the place. Aha.

[clicks tongue] See ya.

I really underestimated you.

You're not jealous at all.

Oh, please. The word jealousy is not in my vocabulary.

[chuckles] You know which word's not in my vocabulary?

Nasdaq.

Whenever somebody says it, I just nod my head

and pretend I know what they're talking about.

[instrumental music]

Hey, take off your shoes. I don't wanna wake Mitchee.

Oh, that's a good idea.

[door shuts]

[glass shattering]

Farrah, what are you doing here, I thought

you guys were spending the night at Cara's.

We were gonna, but someone's a little too drunk

to remember her address.

That's not true. There is the 3NA.

Alright. I'll see you in the morning.

Hey, Mitch, wait.

I know I was kind of harsh about the Zach thing before.

- Ah, it's no problem. Goodn- - No, wait, wait.

Wait, it's just because I love you

and I don't want you to get hurt again.

(Zach) Hey, Mitchee, what's going on?

Oh. Hey.

Zach, what are you doing here

in a tank top and sweats and no shoes?

- Mitchee. - I'll be there in a second.

Look, I don't wanna hear it. I know what you're thinking.

And I know what mom and dad think, but Zach's changed

and I'm going to give him another chance.

- He doesn't deserve it. - Well, you know what?

I think he does, and that's all that matters.

So stay out of it, Farrah.

Farrah, do you mind if I crash here? Ooh.

[thuds]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

- Morning. - Hey. Good morning.

- What's this? - I made you breakfast in bed.

[chuckles] Okay, Zach, I know you're not that into furniture and stuff.

- This is actually a table. - Heh.

Well, I know how you feel about crumbs in your sheets.

So this is breakfast in bed, Mitchee style. Sit down.

Oh, I can't, I'm late for work because someone

couldn't keep his hands off me this morning.

When I find the guy, I'm gonna kill him.

- Heh-heh. - Well..

Could you have just a piece of toast or something?

Oh, is that what we're calling it now?

[chuckles] Come on.

I cut the crust off and everything.

But the crust is my favorite part.

Oh, I know. This is for me.

These are for you.

Oh, you remembered.

I'm sorry, I'm late.

Okay, well, hold your hands up.

Toast to go.

[laughs]

Alright. Maybe I should just blow work off.

No, no, no. Go to work, go to work.

Just know that when you get back, I'll have a fire made

and I will be sitting right here.

And you see this spot? This spot will be reserved for you.

Well, there. It was..

[mumbles] Mm..

Only you could make sitting on your butt all day seem romantic.

- Mm. Bye. - Bye.

[door opens]

Good morning.

Wait a minute. Are you being nice to me?

[chuckles] Sure. Why wouldn't I be?

Well, for one thing, I didn't put the seat down

and you fell into the toilet.

After the third time, I only have myself to blame.

But anyway, that's all in the past. Listen.

What we should really talk about is the future.

You mean like robots, spaceships and cities on the moon or..

No. Like, your future with Mitchee.

Oh. Well, Mitchie and I really haven't talked about the future.

I mean, we're just hanging out and having fun.

- Not even the house? - What house?

The one she's picked out for the two of you to live in.

You know, it's one of those cute old six-bedroom valedictorians.

Why does she want six bedrooms?

For the five kids you're gonna have.

Come on, you must know about this.

She wants to get started on it right away.

- Right away? - Yeah. Like, tonight. Oh.

Damn it. Remember to act surprised.

Yes! Just like that.

[instrumental music]

Here's the file of the proofs.

Neil...I think I did a dumb thing.

And I need you to reassure me.

Okay. You did a dumb thing.

You haven't even heard what it was yet.

I told Lee to go have dinner with an old beau.

Well, that's good. Take her mind off Terry Hutchins.

Did you see him in here the other day?

He is hot, hot, hot hot!

- Neil. - And rich.

He makes more money during a long burp

than most people make in their whole lives.

Neil, it was Terry Hutchins.

Ooh.

[clicking tongue] Uh, the..

Ai-ai-ai-ai.. Ar-ar..

[inhales sharply] Choo-choo-choo..

Ah..

[inhales sharply]

Ai-ai-ah..

[gibberish]

[blowing a raspberry]

Poo. Ah. Nah.

[gibberish]

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Your reassuring skills need some work.

I-I'm sorry. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

- Lee's a happily married woman. - That's right.

And Northeastern was a happily independent airline

until Hutchins decided he wanted it. Heh.

I think that's the thrill for guys like that.

Just taking things that don't belong to them

just 'cause they're pretty and he has to have them.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

You're welcome.

[instrumental music on TV]

(Farrah) 'Hey, Mitchee.'

[door shuts]

Why are you already in your pajamas?

(Farrah) 'Wait. Ramen noodles?'

Oh, my God, what are Joely Fisher

and Joanna Kerns doing on the TV?

Trying to adopt a crack baby.

You're watching Lifetime? What happened?

- Zach's gone. - Really?

That's terrible.

- He left a note. - 'What did it say?'

Just how he's not ready to give me what I want

and he doesn't wanna hurt me and blah, blah, blah.

I can't believe it.

Well, no crying over spilt milk.

- Let the healing begin. - I don't get it, though.

I mean, I really thought it was gonna work out this time.

What did I do to scare him off?

Look at my purse. It's new.

Let's face it. I ruin everything.

I'm worthless, and I deserve to die alone.

Okay, I don't know if this will help or not

but the handle's real turtle.

I wish someone would make a bag out of me.

I've had dinner with kings and princes

Nobel Prize winners. Uh..

I've seen the Titanic from a submarine

sunrise over Kilimanjaro.

I made more money than I could spend in a thousand lifetimes.

But are you happy?

[chuckles] Are you crazy? My life kicks ass.

- Alan. - That's it. Get up! Oh.

[panting] Get your hands off me.

Okay, but not so tight.

- It's okay. - Well..

What can I do for you, Alex?

It's Alan. And you see this woman?

She is my wife and not some struggling airline.

- You can't have her. - Alan.

You think you're better than me because you have billions

and a private island and a pack of goons.

No offense, fellas.

But you will never love this woman as much as I do.

- Oh, honey. - Alvin. May I call you Alvin?

- No. It's.. - Alvin.

If I could have taken Lee

I would have done it a long time ago.

Then why didn't you?

Because one night she told me she was

in love with another man.

Oh, my God, there's another one?

- He means you. - He does?

- Of course he does. - Yeah.

Lee, it was great catching up with you.

Until next time. Goodbye, Lee.

- Bye. - I'm sorry.

- I forgot your name. - Alan.

Eric. Thank you.

Alan, you said that you were okay with this.

I was lying through my teeth.

[sighs] Oh, Lee, I'm sorry

but you know what they say.

When you love someone, sometimes you gotta freak out

and make a scene.

Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you

that you have nothing to worry about?

I am so in love with you.

Okay, okay, uh, I-I-I promise

from now on I-I will never let

any man from your past make me jealous.

Okay, good.

And I promise I will never keep

anything from you ever again.

Hm.

Oh, my God! Is that Mick Jagger?

Let's get out of here.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Oh, good for you, Mitch.

You got out of your pajamas and you came to work.

You came to work!

I'm just here to say I'm fine.

That's the spirit.

[door shuts]

[door opens]

[knocking on door]

Hey, sweetie.

[door shuts]

Hi, mommy.

Daddy.

- What is it, Farrah? - 'It's Mitchee.'

Oh, honey, she's upset now

but trust me, she is better off without that creep.

It's not that simple.

See, I'm a tiny bit responsible.

Yeah, and someday, when you're older

you will be more responsible. Mm.

No. For Zach leaving.

Don't tell Mitchee, but I kind of scared him away.

Well, don't feel bad, sometimes when people make

the wrong choices, we have to help them make the right ones.

Yes, I guess enough time has gone by that we can tell you

that when you were dating that fellow with the forehead tattoo

we broke up with him for you and told you that he moved.

Oh, my God! You mean Lizard didn't move?

No. He died.

[knocking on door]

- Mitchee. - Zach?

- What are you doing here? - I had to see you.

Why are you wearing pajamas?

- Oh, it's casual Friday. - Today's Wednesday.

That's how we do it here. What do you want?

Listen, I'm sorry I took off so abruptly

but I felt like I needed to go away to figure something out.

Wait, you said that Mitchee wanted him

to deliver the babies, too?

In a cabin, by candlelight?

To the soothing sounds of Kenny G's greatest hits.

I feel so terrible.

Farrah, there is no other way to say this.

What you did was absolutely despicable.

Yeah.

And we absolutely love you for it.

- You do? - Yes.

Sometimes the ends justify the means.

You lied, but at least Zach is out of her life

once and for all.

Will you marry me?

Oh, my God.

Uh, oh, my.. Y..

I mean, of course.

- Of course I'll marry you. - Oh.. Mwah.

There's just one thing. Five kids seems like a lot.

- Heh. Yeah. - Yeah.

[upbeat music]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

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