Original subtitles

Okay, everybody. Listen up.

On Thursday night, when those trucks get here

our shipment has got to be ready, okay?

Maya, I want you in-charge of parking permits.

Tobey, you're in charge of traffic control.

And, Jorge, you have the most important job of all.

Get 300 donuts and two dozen copies of Playboy.

Remember, we're dealing with teamsters here.

Okay, everyone, now let's get going!

Wow, considering we're loading a bunch of underwear

onto a truck, that was really inspiring.

Farrah, this is our core shipment.

It's a quarter of our business.

Everything has got to be perfect.

Okay, I get it. So what do you want me to do?

Uh, you already have a pretty full plate

with your new duties as Office Safety Marshall.

Yeah, about Office Safety Marshall.

I'm starting to think that's a made-up job.

Guess what?

Jordan's on his way up here to ask you out.

- Oh, my God! - How do you know?

He just asked me if you like Spanish food.

Oh, my God!

Maybe he's just making conversation.

Here's the clincher. When I told him you did like Spanish food

he gave me one of these.

[clicks tongue]

Mitchee, you've been waiting so long for this.

Quick, do something with your hair. It looks awful.

- What am I supposed to do? - Neil, how much time do I have?

He'll be here any second.

Wow, I love what you've done with your hair!

Okay, you guys, stop. You're making me nervous.

Let's not make a big deal about this.

Does my face look shiny? It's shiny, isn't it?

- 'Cause it feels shiny. - Oh, I'm sorry.

- Is this a bad time? - No, we were just leaving.

Oh, and Mitchee, to answer your question

the answer is yes, like a brand-new penny.

- Hi. Hey. - Hey!

- Hi. - Hi.

So, I-I-I wanted to ask you something

but it's kind of awkward.

More awkward than our game of hey-hi ping pong?

Well, what makes this awkward is that you're my boss.

Okay, well, I promise it won't be awkward.

Okay, well, do you think that Thursday night you could-

- I'd love to! - You-you'd love to what?

I'd love to answer your question. Continue.

Well, do you think you could possibly let me out by 7 p.m.?

I have date.

Uh, sure, yeah.

No problem.

- Have a good time. - Thanks.

Oh, and on Thursday night, would you like to be my date?

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah, I'd love to be your date.

That's great. And I already talked my boss

into letting me out early, so that should be no problem.

[door opens]

[clicks tongue]

Hue!

[clicking tongue]

[theme song]

? Oh sister sister hey sister ?

? Come on let's rock the boat ?

? When you try to be on the ground ?

? Let's all cheero ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ?

? Oh let's head to dock ?

? You wanna rock the boat ?

? Whoa-oh-oh-oh ??

- Can I get you anything, Lee? - No thanks, Dolly.

I'm good. I have my magazine.

On second thought, I'd kind of like to have a tuna fish..

...sandwich.

[chuckles] Thank you.

- Anything else? - 'No, that's good.'

Just the sandwich.

Actually, I'd sort of like to have a cup of coffee.

Thank you, Dolly. Where would I be without you?

I'd say hungry, thirsty, and looking for your glasses.

My glasses, hey. Where are my gla.. Thank you.

[chuckles] God, no wonder Kate Hudson looks so bad.

That's David Spade.

[Dolly chuckles]

(Alan) 'Dolly?'

We have to talk.

Alan, are you having a growth spurt?

Do you know what happens when you put

a linen suit in the dryer?

You get really angry and turn into The Incredible Hulk?

[laughing]

Lee?

I'm sorry, you're right. It's not funny at all.

It's...very, very serious.

Thank you. How could I possibly wear this suit out of the house?

Maybe if you hold a giant lollipop no one'll notice.

Why didn't you send it out to be dry cleaned?

Well, I guess you put it in your laundry hamper.

And you didn't bother to notice?

When I'm doing your laundry

I try to keep looking, touching

and smelling to a minimum.

This is an expensive suit, and now it is ruined.

Well, don't throw it out. My nephew can wear it

to his kindergarten graduation.

Dolly, I do not enjoy being the butt of your jokes.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

- Okay, you're done. - How is it?

Amazing, you look like you could totally be

hanging out with me and my friends.

Mitchee, the trucks aren't here yet

and the loading dock is filling up with boxes of underwear.

- Damn it! - 'Yes.'

We literally have our panties in a bunch.

[door closes]

Great, now I can't go on my date.

No, this is too important to you. Just go.

I'll take care of the trucks.

Farrah, look, I appreciate the offer

but you don't know how to oversee

a shipment of this magnitude.

I watch them load the trucks

and then I sign my name on a clipboard.

Okay, you do know how to oversee a shipment of this magnitude.

Okay, just go, have an awesome time.

Okay. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Do I need any last-minute adjustments?

Uh..

Go!

[instrumental music]

Do you know what I just found Dolly doing?

Scrubbing the grout in our shower.

- So? - With my toothbrush.

- Eww! - I know.

You mean she put your mouth germs where I put my feet?

She has to go. She isn't competent.

She's unapologetic, and she's a terrible cleaner.

In her defense, she did finally get

that red wine stain out of the rug.

She put that red wine stain in the rug.

- I'm going to fire her. - Okay.

- I'm serious. - I believe you.

You don't think I can do it, do you?

Nope.

You've never been able to fire anybody in your whole life.

- I most certainly have. - Who?

That newspaper boy who kept throwing the papers on the roof.

Alan, you didn't fire him. He went off to college.

Yes, well, no thanks to me. That letter of recommendation

I wrote him was lukewarm.

- I've gotta get home. - Dolly, wait.

There's something I have to tell you.

Make it quick. It's "Teen Week on Jeopardy."

Well?

There's been an accident on the freeway.

- Take surface streets. - Thank you, Alan.

You saved me the trouble of turning on my AM radio.

I wanna fire her, not make her Miss Jeopardy.

- I just wanna jump your bones. - Really?

Yeah, that's exactly what Ryerson said

when he discovered panoplasaurus.

I didn't know Ryerson had such a sense of humor.

Well, he is a paleontologist. So you know he's funny.

[chuckles] So, so what are we gonna do here?

Ah, let's see.

You think the garlic shrimp has garlic in it?

I'm guessing yes. Why do you ask?

Well, I'm thinking I might want to kiss someone later.

Well, maybe if you kiss that person now

then later you can have all the garlic shrimp you want.

Good point. I'll be right back.

Yeah, that bit gets funnier every time.

Well, I am gonna order the garlic shrimp, so..

[phone ringing]

Oh, crap.

I-I'm sorry, it's the office. I have to take it. Hello?

I am so, so sorry to interrupt the big date, but I had to.

- It's fine. What's going on? - You sound distracted.

Oh, God, is this one of those Paris Hilton moments

where you're talking on the phone while he's doing you?

Ew. That's disgusting.

Are you talking to me or him?

Stop it!

Me?

Yes, you, Neil, on the phone. What's going on?

There was a major screw- up with the Corigan's order.

Oh, my God. I knew I couldn't trust Farrah with that.

Actually, Farrah was on top of it.

The delivery went fine. But after everyone left

I got a call that there was a problem with the packaging.

- What problem? - Well, you know..

...how the slogan on our underwear packages reads

- "Makes a woman come alive?" - 'Yeah.'

They left out the word "alive."

Oh, no.. Oh, my God.

That, I mean, that's a disaster. That's horrible.

It's also false advertising.

Unless there's something about them I don't know.

Okay, look. Whatever you do, do not tell my father.

Got it. Don't tell you I already told your father.

Check.

God, what did he say?

He said this is the biggest marketing screw-up

we've ever had, and it's gonna cost us

a quarter of our business for the year.

And he wants you to fire whoever's responsible.

Well, marketing..

Oh, my God.

I have to fire Jordan.

(Neil) 'I'm so, so sorry, Mitchee.'

But look on the bright side. This would be even more awkward

if he was doing you right now.

[instrumental music]

So...dish! Tell me everything. How was the big date?

- Well, it was great. - Yay!

But it couldn't have gone that great 'cause you're not

wearing the same clothes from last night.

Oh, my God. Those are his clothes.

- You slept with him. - No, I didn't.

- These are my clothes. - Even the shoes?

- Yeah, even the shoes. - Right on.

So.. Did you give Jordan the pink slip last night?

No, I didn't fire him.

Oh, right, that was my next question.

Wait, why would you fire Jordan?

He screwed up the slogan on our packaging.

And now the biggest shipment of the year is worthless.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Yeah, I've been fielding angry

calls from store managers all morning.

They refuse to sell underwear that makes a woman come alive

minus the "alive."

Why is that..

[chuckles] Oh! Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm smiling.

This is my company too.

[laughs]

I mean, I really like Jordan. How am I gonna fire him?

Well, for me, the quickest way to get rid of a man

is to sleep with him.

And, too soon.

What am I supposed to do?

So we're just gonna dismiss Neil's idea

without a discussion?

And still too soon.

Mitchee, why is Jordan still here?

I've been thinking about it, dad

and maybe he deserves a second chance.

Honey, I understand this is hard.

But there are times when an employee screws up so badly

you can't give them a second chance.

Otherwise, you end up losing your business.

Or walking around in a doll-sized

linen suit while they taunt you and ask

"Which way to the Emerald City?"

What are you talking about?

Well, that last part was for me.

But the point is, we both know what we have to do.

[instrumental music]

Dolly, uh, I need to speak with you.

I'm on my break. Jennifer Garner pushes her own shopping cart?

That is normal.

I'm sorry, I know it's your break, but there's something

I have to say to you that can't wait.

- This better be good. - Good? Uh, uh..

Uh, well, it's all in how you interpret it.

Uh, good?

[chuckles lightly] You're fired.

[laughs]

Good one, Alan.

Teri Hatcher feeds coffee to her dog?

That's not normal.

I'm serious. You're fired.

Well, my break's over.

No, you're-you're not hearing me.

I have had it with your incompetence

your insubordination, and your utter disdain for..

Are you dusting with my underwear?

You want clean underwear or a clean table?

You can't have both.

Dolly, stop it! You're fired.

- You're serious? - Yes, I am.

So you're gonna throw away 12 years, just like that?

Believe me, Dolly, this isn't easy for me.

Twelve years of loyalty mean nothing to you?

I'm sorry.

[door closes]

[chuckles]

? I did it do do ?

? I did it do do do do ?

? I did it oh-oh-oh ?

? I did it oh-oh-oh.. ??

- My car won't start. - Sure, why would it?

- Can you call me a tow truck? -Uh, yes, of course.

Yes, I need a tow truck.

Is it an emergency? Oh, God, yes.

No, no. I can't hold, I..

Well, then why did you ask? I..

Holding.

So Teri Hatcher feeds coffee to her dog?

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, Jordan, come on in.

Wow. What are those for?

Well, at the restaurant last night

I feel things got a little awkward between us.

That's kind of what I wanted to see you about.

Yeah, and-and I think I know why.

It was that call you took from the office, wasn't it?

- Yeah. - I knew it.

'Cause it interrupted this.

Wow! Uh.. That's, uh..

That's good stuff!

Do you have plans Saturday night? 'Cause I don't know

if you like Italian food but I read about this

great new place on the wharf.

Yeah. Ugh. Here's the thing.

There's really no nice way to say this. Um..

You're fired.

These are lovely.

Wait, wh-why are you firing me?

Here's why.

"Makes a woman.."

Uh-oh. No, n-n-no. I-I couldn't have done this.

I-I mean, I can do that, but I-I couldn't have done this.

Yeah, I wish you hadn't have done it. Uh, this.

Mitchee, I-I don't know what to say. Th-there's..

...there's no excuse, I..

...I-I take full responsibility.

- I'm sorry, Jordan. - No, Mitchee.

Don't feel bad about this. This is all on me.

You-you're only doing what you have to do.

I'll go clean out my desk.

- Wait. - What?

You know, I do believe in second chances.

What do you mean?

I mean, everyone makes mistakes.

Look where Farrah had the fire extinguisher mounted.

- Well, what are you saying? - I'm saying you're not fired.

You serious?

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. I promise

you are not gonna regret this, 'cause I'm gonna be

the best director of marketing this company's ever had.

I'm gonna get right on the phone

and start doing some damage control.

- Oh, and about Saturday night. . - Oh, don't worry about that.

- Are you sure? - Absolutely.

You gave me a second chance. But-but if people thought

you only did it because you and I are, you know, a-a thing

well, that would completely compromise your leadership.

'And after what you've done for me'

I could never do that to you. So from now on..

...it'll be strictly professional between us.

Yeah, thanks for understanding.

No, thank you, boss.

[door closes]

I was gonna say I love Italian.

[music fades]

[instrumental music]

Hello? Yeah.

Ah, uh, it's just a recording.

But good news. My call is important to them.

And it will be answered in the order in which it was received.

You know, Lee should be getting home

from shopping any minute now.

Well, just leave her out of this.

This whole thing was my decision.

No, I mean, you should get started

on her tuna fish sandwich.

She likes to have one after she's been shopping.

Do you know how to make tuna salad?

Just pop open a can of tuna, right?

Lee likes it better with diced apples in it.

Thank you.

And be sure to cut off the bread crust.

- She hates that crust. - No crust, got it.

And serve it with a cup of coffee.

But don't leave room for the cream.

She likes cream.

But she likes being skinny better.

And do you tell her how beautiful she is every day?

Some days I get distracted.

Write it down on little notes

and leave them all over the house.

Otherwise, she'll get sad and won't know why.

I guess I didn't realize how much

you went out of your way for Lee.

What do you think I've been doing for the past 12 years?

Well, maybe I wasn't thinking enough about, uh

how much she needs you.

I was just thinking about myself and my elf-like suit.

What's your point?

Maybe I acted too hastily. Would you mind...staying?

I'll think about it.

But of course, you don't expect me

to come back for the same salary.

You want a raise?

You just took me on an emotional roller coaster ride.

I think I deserve an extra $100 a week.

- Fine. - Too quick. Now I want $150.

- Okay. - My God, I was just kidding.

Now I want $200.

A hundred's fine.

[door opens]

- Hello, family. - Hi, sweetie.

I'll go make your sandwich. I would have had it ready

but Alan gave me a serious talking to.

Thanks for the raise.

So I guess you didn't fire her.

Actually, I did. And then I hired her back.

Of course you did. Who you talking to?

I'm holding for a tow truck. Dolly's car won't start.

Honey, Dolly takes the bus.

[musical sting fades]

[outro music]

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