All language subtitles for Twins s01e08 Horse Sense.eng

Lee, I'm sorry, but it's just not appropriate

to bring her to work.

Of course it is.

Janice in accounting brings her kid in

when she can't find a sitter.

Janice's kid doesn't kick,

doesn't bite, and doesn't let loose

with a river of pee every ten minutes.

All of my life, I have wanted a horse

and I finally have one.

You know, you're just
grouchy because you're sick.

[scoffs] This is a place of business.

What are people gonna say when they see you

leading livestock off the elevator?

Oh, my God, you guys. Look, it's Tink.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Nobody gets that excited over Janice's kid.

[theme song]

? Oh sister sister hey sister ?

? Come on let's rock the boat ?

? When you're tryin' to be on the ground ?

? Now let's all cheero ?

? Whoa oh-oh-oh ?

? Whoa oh-oh-oh ?

? Oh hey sister ?

? Don't you wanna rock the boat? ?

? Whoa oh-oh-oh ??

[instrumental music]

Mitchee, take five, mini horse in the house.

Farrah, not now.

Mini horses can't drag you away.

Okay, Mr. Birnbaum, 1:00 tomorrow.

- I'll be there. Bye! - Hot date?

Yes, with Schlomo Birnbaum.

He's 82 and he supplies our satin.

Go easy on him, at least till you get the ring.

Farrah, stop kidding around. I have a problem.

I'm supposed to meet with him tomorrow at 1:00

and I have a meeting with the landlord

to renegotiate our lease at the same time.

Well, can't Schlomo do it any later?

No. He has to be in bed by 4:00.

You know what? Maybe I'll just call our landlord.

- And see if I can reschedule. - No, wait.

You don't have to do that.
Let me take the lease meeting.

[chuckles] Good one.

No. I'm serious.

I'm a partner in this company. I can handle it.

Look, don't take this personally, Farrah

but renegotiating the lease

isn't like getting the office birthday cakes.

At which I am excellent.

Last week, you left Rita's ice cream cake

in the trunk of your car overnight.

Mitchee, come on, let
me do the lease negotiation.

So we're blowing by the ice cream cake thing.

I want to prove that I can do this.

I don't know, I mean, do you know anything

about real estate?

No, but you do, and you can teach me.

Come on. It'll be like high school.

Every time I tried to help you, in high school

you ended up tuning out
and playing with your hair.

This is different. This time I care.

Okay, let's start at the beginning, alright.

Our goal here is to pay
as little rent as possible.

Got it.

Our landlord's name is Lou

and the first thing he's
probably gonna say to you

is that statewide commercial
rents have increased 11 percent.

Hmm. Interesting.

Okay. Don't let him get away with it.

Because in this area, comparable long term leases

have capped out at seven percent, not eleven.

I'm listening.

Okay. What did I just say?

- Something about a 7-Eleven. - Right.

We're gonna be running our office

out of a tent under the freeway.

No, listen, I can use the seven and eleven

to remember the boring stuff.

It'll be a memory trick. Like a moronic device.

- You mean a mnemonic device?
- Then what's a moronic device?

I don't know, the clapper?

Anyway, when Lou says he's
gonna raise the rent 11 percent

I'm going to remember
making out with Chris Collins

in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven.

- And.. - And it was great.

What does that have to do with our lease?

I don't know, but I have
all day to think about it

and this is all I'm going to focus on.

Okay, well, the other thing you should know

is there is a glut of available office space

in the city right now.

No, that's not right.

- Yes, it is. - No. Chris Collins was a ampm.

I made out with Pete Ponziani in the 7-Eleven.

Ah-ha..

[sneezes]

- Ew! - What?

Oh. Never mind. It's a glazed doughnut.

[sneezes]

You're a sick man, Alan.

Your eyes are watering. Your nose is running.

You really should go to the doctor.

No need for that.

It's been three weeks

and you're not getting any better, you know?

So it'll go away or I'll die.

Either way, problem solved.

[sneezes]

Okay, that time you got it.

I think that you have the flu. And you know why?

Because you didn't get your flu shot.

You know why you didn't get your flu shot.

It's because you're afraid of needles.

Oh, please don't say that word.

[sneezes] I'm fine, Lee.

I don't know why I even bothered

to blow dry my hair this morning.

Okay, I'll go see the stupid doctor.

Thank God.

[sneezes]

Alan, I think you're scaring Tink.

Well, what's she gonna do? Pee?

[instrumental music]

Where have you been?

Lou, the landlord is gonna
be here in less than an hour.

Relax. I have everything under control here.

It's locked and loaded.

Wait, you learned everything in that folder?

No, I'm not gonna use any of that.

I'm just gonna go in there and do my thing.

- What's your thing? - You know.

Your thing is making a fish face.

No. Flirting.

Lou's not into numbers. He's into models.

I'm gonna go in there with a tight skirt

and a push up bra and a look on my face that says

"Who knows, Lou? Stranger things have happened."

What are you talking about?

- Where is this coming from? - Mom.

She used to negotiate the lease.

- Mom? - Yeah?

Who do you think coined the phrase?

"Who knows, Lou?

Stranger things have happened."

Okay, I refuse to believe

that mom negotiated the lease by doing this.

- Ask her. - Okay, fine, I will.

Mom, Farrah said that you
used to handle the lease every year

by flirting with the landlord.

- Um, that's not true. - Yeah, I didn't think so.

No, one year, I was sick,
and your dad had to do it.

Our rent went up ten percent

and we had to bring our
own toilet paper from home.

See? I told you that's how she did it.

Okay, I love mom, but with all due respect

the woman brought a small
horse shopping to Bloomingdale's.

Alright? All I'm saying
is that we are in charge now.

And you're too smart to be using your body

as a negotiating tool.

But it's called using what you've got.

I've got it. I'm gonna use it.

You don't see me judging your thing.

"I've always been prepared and organized."

Yes, that's because my thing..

...isn't unprofessional or demeaning to women.

Yeah, well, my thing works and it's been proven.

I'm not saying that it doesn't work.

Okay, then why are we still talking?

I don't know, why are we?

Why don't I just go crank up the AC

so you can nip out?

I'm one step ahead of you.

It's set to 53.

[upbeat music]

Here, Tink. Here's some sugar for my sugar.

Pardon me, Lee.

- Yeah, Bob. - A-are we out of sugar cubes?

No, there's some right here. Want some?

I'll try honey.

- Hey, Alan, where were
you? - I went to the doctor.

- How'd it go? - 'Not well.'

They had to take some blood.

So they pierced my flesh

with one of those long, pointy, you know..

- Needles? - Oh!

Alan can't stand the word "needles."

Well, what's wrong with needles?

Well, he's terrified of needles.

(Lee) 'So when someone says "needles,
" it makes him think of needles.'

I have an aunt who's afraid of needles.

Oh, really? All needles.

Not sewing needles or knitting needles.

Oh, for the love of God, stop!

The first time I talked to the boss

in six years and I blow it.

Well, the good news is no flu.

It seems I just have allergies.

- Oh, to what? - Well, to two things.

One is loganberries.

Oh, that shouldn't be a problem.

Oh, no! The Loganberry Festival.

Well, I could still go.

A-as for the pie eating contest

it seems I would never
get up from the table alive.

Well, you never win anyhow.

I mean, the way your throat
closes up after two bites.

Yes. Well, now we know that wasn't just nerves.

So what's the other thing you're allergic to?

Well, that's the bad news.

- It's horses. - Oh!

Thank God it's not miniature horses.

Well, it turns out they, too, are made of horse.

[sneezes]

Well, maybe there's some kind
of medicine that you could take.

Well, technically there is a way to control it

but it involves seven incredibly painful shots

every three weeks.

But you're gonna get them, right?

- Please? - Well, I..

No, Lee. I'm not.

Honey, that makes me so sad.

You're gonna be so uncomfortable.

Lee, I don't plan to be uncomfortable.

Are you saying..

...that you wanna get rid of her?

I don't want to.

Tink, go into mommy's office.

Okay. You're right. You deserve to hear this too.

Sweetheart, I know how attached you've become

but you can't expect me
to be tortured every three weeks.

Well, you can't expect me to just give up my baby

just because you're afraid of needles.

The doctor showed me the one they use.

It comes in its own case.

She has to assemble it like a pool cue.

So you were allergic to Mitchee and Farrah

would you ask me to just get rid of them too?

Lee, this horse is not your daughter.

To me, she is.

Well, that's an impossibility.

Despite those disgusting
Swedish movies we watched

when we were dating.

Well, before you go, let me just say one thing.

- What? - Needle, needle, needle.

Needle, needle, needle, needle.

- Mom? What's wrong? - Oh, nothing.

Your father just doesn't want me to be happy.

You need more lip gloss.

- Got it. - Okay, now, remember.

Lou is gonna do most of the talking

so you just sort of stand there and giggle

and then you touch his arm,
even though it's really hairy

and try not to look too grossed out, okay?

And when you're tired of giggling

then you just sit down on the desk

in front of him and you cross your legs.

Should I go all "Basic Instinct" on him?

No, honey. You're a lady
and a professional businesswoman.

Okay? Now let's just push these up a little bit.

- There you go. - Thank you.

- Welcome. - Come on, Tink.

Excuse me. I'm looking for Farrah Arnold.

- I'm Farrah. - I'm Lisa.

I'm here for the lease meeting.

Oh. Where's Lou?

- Lou retired. - What?

He can't. Who am I having the meeting with?

Me. I'm Lou's daughter. I'm your new landlord.

[chuckles]

Please don't touch me.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Okay, well, I'm sure you probably have

a lot of facts and figures
you want to share with me.

So why don't I let you start?

- Um, why don't you go first? - Fine.

I'm sure you're aware that
California commercial rents

have increased by 11 percent.

I actually disagree.

- Based on what? - You know.

- No, I don't. - Do you really need to know?

- Yes. - Just give me a second.

It'll come to me.

I think that was Chris Collins.

Or was it Peter Ponziani?

Oh, something about the ampm.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm using a moronic device.

Clearly.

- Yes, it was Chris Collins. - What?

I don't know, it's been eight years.

I'm not even in touch with either of those guys.

Look, I don't know what
you're trying to pull here

but you're aware that legally

I could raise your rent by 13 percent.

What are you doing?

Did you ever see the movie "Basic Instinct?"

[elevator dings]

[sneezing]

That means the pee-spewing
beast is still here, isn't she?

Janice in accounting?

No.

I blew it again!

Don't be mad at daddy, Tink.

It's not that he doesn't love you.

(Lee) 'I mean, who couldn't love you?'

And here, here's a hug from daddy.

'Cause he can't give it to you himself.

You don't cry.

[instrumental music]

[clatters]

Mr. Arnold.

[stuttering] Uh, hi.

Just, uh, uh, put it on my tab.

So you're here for the horse allergy shots?

Uh, yes. But by any chance,
does it come in any other form?

A pill or perhaps a lozenge?

Relax. I've given these shots a thousand times.

I promise I'll be very gentle.

Thank you, thank you.

Because I'm really very, very, very..

Ooh, boy, that is big.

Don't worry, Mr. Arnold,
you're in really good hands.

I have an idea.

Uh, why don't you just inject that

into a sandwich and I'll eat it?

[phone rings]

Excuse me. Hello?

Hi, honey. Can I call
you back? I'm with a patient.

What? You're telling me this now?

- Over the phone. - Do you want some privacy?

You're throwing away 12 years
of marriage for that little tramp.

I-I could reschedule.

No, don't tell me to calm
down, you son of a bitch.

Let's not rule out calming
down before you try it.

God, I hate men.

Okay, let's do this.

Maybe we should do it another time.

Sit down and roll up your sleeves.

[instrumental music]

[elevator dings]

Oh, Mitchee, thank God you're here.

I've been trying to reach you.

Why have you been answering your cell phone?

That's my cell phone.

Oh, why didn't you call me to tell me

when you were coming back?

Once again, that's my cell phone.

What's going on? Something go wrong with Lou?

I've explained this eight
times on your voicemail, Mitchee.

- Assume I didn't get them.
- It's not Lou anymore.

His daughter's the new
landlord, and she's a woman.

- That is fantastic. - No, it's not.

Mitchee, she's gonna raise her rent 13 percent.

See, that's why you have to be prepared.

That's why you can't rely on this.

Mitchee, I need your help.

Can you please save the gloating for later?

You always say that, but
then you never make time for it.

Fine. Tonight at 7:00.

- I have therapy. - Okay, 8:00.

Perfect. Let's go.

- Oh! - Alan. What happened to you?

I got the shots, Lee.

- You did? - Yep. All ten of 'em.

But I thought there was
only supposed to be seven.

Well, evidently, in medicine,
you're allowed practice shots.

I can't believe you got the shots.

Well, it was worth it, Lee.

Now you can keep Tinkerbell.

Um, Alan. Tinkerbell's gone.

What? Where is she?

She went away to live on a farm.

You killed her?

No. I gave her to the Thornleys granddaughter

who lives in Modesto.

Why would you do that? You love that horse.

Yeah, but I love you more.

And I couldn't stand to see you suffer.

Lee, I am touched beyond words
that you would do that for me.

Well, you got the shot, Alan.
And that is so sweet of you.

- Come here. Oh! - Ow! Ow! Ow!

I'm still throbbing from the shots.
You can hug me.

Just-just stay away from
the arms, legs and buttocks.

Okay.

- That's good. - Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]

It's even better.

Mmm.

What? What is it, Alan?

Did you have loganberry pie this afternoon?

Oh, my God, I don't know what I was thinking.

Um, I'll call 9-1-1.

[instrumental music]

Look, all I'm saying is, we're only willing

to go up two percent.

Anything beyond that, and we walk.

You wouldn't walk.

Oh, she would. She walks everywhere.

She's got these lame cross trainers

that make her feet look like lifeboats.

Is that the sound of me handling this?

Farrah, would you give us a minute?

(Farrah) 'Fine.'

Um, Farrah. Can I ask you something?

I don't know, I'm kind of upset right now.

I just found out that
there's no room for sexuality

in the workplace.

Never mind.

So we're all set.

It was a pleasure doing business with you.

- Thanks, Lisa. You too. - See you next year.

Mitchee, you did so great in there.

Oh, thanks.

And you know what else? You were right.

Business is about being prepared

and doing your work and knowing stuff

not about trading on your looks

and not knowing stuff.

Yeah..

...she hit on me.

- What? - Yeah.

After you left, I reiterated my offer

and she accepted because she says

I'm, and I quote, "smoking hot."

Oh, my God, that's unbelievable.

So what did you do?

I did the only thing I could.

I giggled, touched her arm and accepted

the best lease we've ever had.

See, maybe there is room
for sexuality in the workplace.

Maybe not.

[instrumental music]

[ending theme]

[production theme]

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