Original subtitles

It looked like Stephanie had started some

nasty rumors about me.

It's all drama and bull*** with you.

You have just, like, the bitchiest attitude.

But at least Brody always had my back.

- Who knows? - I know... Stephanie.

Lately though, Brody seemed more into Audrina.

She is lookin' pretty good.

Even if Audrina was starting to date Ryan.

You came over to my apartment

'and then wouldn't stop calling me.'

Spencer's anger was getting

way out of control.

Here I'm talking about

my little *** sister

who's not relevant to my life.

And none of us knew how to deal with him.

You're crazy. You lost it.

But it was about to become

clear that as far as Spencer

was concerned, we hadn't seen

anything yet.

Whoa, that was a good set.

Are you gonna go to this rager at Spencer and Heidi's

little Enzo's birthday?

I don't know, I think it's kind of weird

that Heidi's having this party for a six-year-old.

Really? I think it's completely normal.

I mean, I guess Stephanie won't be there

so that's a good thing.

Whatever, I'm over it.

I'm moving on.

The Pratts are a bunch of

crazy, crazy kids.

I mean, obviously.

I don't know if I really like

being around Spencer anymore.

I mean, you saw him at my house, the barbecue.

- He was a little worked up. - Yeah, God.

Oh, this kid can surf. Watch, watch, watch.

'Oh, come on, do something. Why'd you gotta do that?'

- What about Audrina and Ryan? - What about them?

They seem like they're happy.

I just don't know what their deal is.

Like, is she dating him, or is she not?

I think that they're more serious

than they let everyone believe.

Yeah.

Are you upset?

Whatever.

Would I hook up with her?

Yeah.

'Are you gonna go surf?'

I can just lounge here with you and just cuddle on the beach.

Cuddle up on my little blanket? Come here, Brody.

I think I'll move a little bit closer.

Ah.

There we go.

Yeah, this is better than surfing.

♪ Wow ♪

It's for a seven-year-old's birthday.

His name's Enzo, and he's our neighbor's kid.

So I was thinking we could have like, some animals here.

Maybe, um, maybe some wizards over here.

Oh, that would be great.

Whatever you think that would just be

the biggest best party for a seven-year-old.

- Oh, beautiful. - 'Hi, honey.'

- What's going on here? - 'Good to see you.'

What's the surprise?

This is Lisa, the party planner

'from Happiness Unlimited.'

'We are just planning'

Enzo's birthday party.

What?

Since, you know, they don't have as much space as we do--

Um, babe, we already discussed, you told me you were gonna throw

a little thing for Enzo, but you didn't say we were

gonna need a party planner and do, like, an event.

I'm sure when you were young, your mom threw you

great parties, you know, and--

Key word, "Mom." Bam!

His mom lives down the street.

Let's go have her throw him the party.

Okay, honey, I think you need to take a breath

'because you're coming into this situation very negative.'

Everything's gonna be fun.

It could be good for your spirit.

So we're working on my spirit, okay.

We're working on your spirit

'and we're gonna have some of'

your friends here, so it's like

a party for both of you.

Great, love you guys. See you later.

- Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. - I think he's gonna love it.

He just needs to lighten up.

'Hey, guys, I'm having a party'

'with all my six-year-old friends.'

He's yelling in there.

'We're playing laser tag.'

♪ We never settle down and we don't play around ♪

♪ And if you're up to the challenge ♪

♪ Then we'll knock you down... ♪

That sounds alright.

- Damn. - 'Wow.'

- Sounds good, huh? - Sounds awesome.

Who needs a girlfriend when you got this thing?

I'm gonna be honest with that. Oh, man.

My dream car since I've been 18 years old.

- This is your new girlfriend? - This is my main chick.

'Is she coming bowling with us tonight?'

'One hundred percent.'

Kristin's gonna look real good

sitting right there in the passenger seat.

Been there, done that, bro.

Yes, I love Kristin. I think she's a very cool girl.

I enjoy hanging out with her.

'I consider her my friend, though.'

The other night I saw you were talking to Audrina.

Me and Audrina have sort of a past.

We have a chemistry. I think you know what I'm talking about.

Bottom line is, guys, I'm gonna go out with one chick tonight.

- Which one? - Kristin.

- And her name is Betty. - Aah!

So "T," you're gonna take the Ferrari.

I'm gonna take the Porsche.

And you're gonna take your lady.

- We're gonna go race. - And let's race.

♪ There's some hustlers in this house ♪

♪ There's some hustlers in this house ♪

♪ If you see 'em point 'em out ♪

♪ If you see 'em point 'em out ♪

♪ There they go ♪ ♪ Where they at ♪

♪ There they go ♪ ♪ Where they at ♪

♪ There they go ♪ ♪ Where they at ♪

♪ Pull up in this thing like wowsers ♪

♪ Hundred dollar shirt ♪

♪ With two hundred dollar trousers... ♪

Oh-ho-ho!

Oh! Oh-ho-ho!

Oh! Do your dance. You need to dance.

I'm like, "It's too heavy."

Need some help with your shot here?

I do. Why, you wanna help me?

I think we need to change something here on the score.

Shut up.

Huh, I'm exhausted.

- 'I don't know.' - 'He likes you.'

'I like him too. Obviously, I like Brody.'

I've liked Brody for seven years of my life.

We got the crew.

- Hi. - Hey, guys.

- How are you? - Good.

- Hello, hello, hello. - Hello, beautiful.

- How are you doing? - Good. How are you?

- Good. Good to see you. - 'Good to see you.'

You think they'll let me bowl with these?

I don't know about that. Actually--

They'll probably slide around nice.

I don't know if these are regulation.

Fruitiest shoes I've ever seen in my life.

Twinkle toes, ten inches off the ground light on his feet.

I just can't let him, I can't let him win.

You know what I mean? I just can't. No.

- God! - 'That's it.'

It doesn't fit my fingers.

If I was bowling, bowling this would be something different.

Hey, Brody, so I thought it was gonna be boys' bowling.

Now, it's like, couples' bowling.

It's not couples' bowling, because there's no couple

'between me and Kristin, we're hanging out, we're friends.'

- 'You're flirting though.' - Yeah, we flirt.

We always flirt.

No, I mean, like, I still don't understand, like

why he'd be mad at me or us.

Are you ready to go?

Oh, watch this.

Oh!

Alright, we're out.

♪ Time to disappear ♪

- Bye. - Bye.

I'll text you.

♪ 'Cause I can't make you happy ♪

♪ What's the point ♪

♪ In staying here with you ♪

♪ Get down get down ♪

♪ Get down get down ♪

♪ You know it's where it's at ♪

♪ I got you shakin' fat ♪

♪ And tell the DJ ♪

♪ To zoom zoom zoom... ♪

Yay! Whoo!

King Enzo!

'Happy birthday! Whoo!'

Oh, my gosh.

- This is scary. - No, we're good.

I can't believe there's an elephant up there.

I'm still tripping on that.

I keep looking at it and going

"Why is there an elephant?"

'There's a giant pachyderm.'

'Oh, this does not look fun.'

This is Spencer's life.

'This is what he's created for himself.'

Just think about Spencer three years ago

and look at him right now.

- 'This is a nightmare.' - No chicks.

A bunch of little kids.

So that's why you brought me here

thought there'd be some chicks, huh?

I thought there'd be some chicks here. Some older ones.

You just wanted Audrina, or Kristin to come, didn't you?

Dude, I just figured, with so many little kids

there's gotta be hot moms.

'Did you've been all over Audrina lately?'

No, you guys looked pretty comfortable though.

I saw the natural chemistry...

They've always had that though, always.

Lost in the eyes and stuff.

There's plenty of others, plenty of fish in the sea.

'Enjoy being single.'

I don't need to dip into the homies' seconds.

♪ Without you there's no reason for my story ♪

♪ And when I'm with you I can always act the same... ♪

I love boots.

'Oh, I like those a lot. Who makes those?'

- 'Givenchy.' - 'God, they are really cute.'

I think I like these better than the Miu Miu ones actually.

Those are so cute.

'Chunky heels are easier to walk in too.'

I know, they're so much easier.

'So how are you and Ryan? What's going on?'

'Um, we're doing really good.'

We have that connection, where it was just right away

and it feels so natural.

Oh, good, then I'm happy for you.

'But I feel like it's gotten'

to the point where, like

the talk needs to happen.

Have the talk then. Bring it up, you know what I mean?

I think that if you wanna be in a relationship

it makes no sense to sit here and wonder.

Yeah.

I think that you should just talk to him.

Makes no sense not to.

Well, hopefully he'll wanna commit.

I know.

Did you girls need some sizes?

Can I get these in a seven and a half?

Oh, yeah, can I try these on too?

Yes, absolutely.

Let me see what I have.

Um, are you going to Enzo's birthday?

I don't know, um...

- 'I'm not gonna go.' - You're not going to?

- Spencer's crazy. - Crazy.

And it's like, what do you do, reach out to Heidi?

But I feel like any time you call Heidi

it's like Spencer's right there listening.

I know, I know. I feel like she can't even breathe, you know?

Like, he's always, he just controls her.

I know.

♪ I just wanna run ♪

♪ Hide it away ♪

♪ Run because they're chasing me down ♪

♪ I just wanna run ♪

♪ Throw it away ♪

♪ Run before they're finding me out... ♪

'Whoo! Enzo!'

'Whoo-whoo!'

'Yay, Enzo!'

'Happy birthday, whoo!'

I gotta be honest, this is the most fun I've had

at a party in a long time, truly.

No, no, 'cause this is the first time I've been at a party

where there aren't people I wanna murder...

- Where's your sister at? - I have a sister?

Yeah, yeah, her name's Stephanie.

That was in my old life.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

I'm gonna send him after Darlene.

'Just gonna put him on a plane, "Go get Heidi's mom."'

What happened there?

Uh, Heidi goes home, because, like

'she wanted, like, motherly love.'

Guess her mom didn't have a good

run on the mountain that day

'because when Heidi got there'

she decided to try to rape my wife emotionally

'in every single crevice on her body.'

'It was one of the worst experiences.'

- 'I've ever had in my life.' - 'Why? What happened?'

- Like, there was just no love. - 'Was she concerned or...'

No, no, it was more about, like

"How come I wasn't there

and how come I didn't know?"

'and it was all about, like, her'

'and not like, "Are you okay?"'

'Think she's offended that her'

'work of art wasn't good enough.'

But she's not God. She didn't make Heidi.

She's just a vagina.

I understand getting mad, for like...

'Whoa, Spencer.'

'I'm just real. God made Heidi.'

'She was really upset.'

'She just wasn't prepared.'

'And yeah, she handled a lot of it wrong.'

Holly, this is my house, you keep defending her.

- I'm gonna ask you to leave. - It's my mom.

'Well, you can defend her off of our property'

in about five seconds.

- Just take a breath. - So, just stop.

- Take a breath. - Thank you.

And I'm being so serious right now.

I will personally carry you off this property.

'You're fine, take a breath. Take a breath.'

You hear that, lamby?

'You guys sound like you have'

'a lot of stress in your life.'

You need a break from all this.

I need a lamb to love.

I need a *** drink now.

♪ Sick of this sad ache ♪

♪ Lay down it's over-dramatic ♪

♪ Give me a break I won't have it ♪

♪ I'm so I'm so fed up with this static ♪

- Have you ever been here? - No, I like it, though.

So what did you think of all of my friends?

They're all, like, nice-ish.

'What's up with Brody?'

He was, like, trying to make me jealous.

He's like, "Yeah, you know, me and Audrina

have been flirting back and forth."

- I'm like, "Really?" - Could you sense the drama?

'Well, I just, I-I didn't know like'

I mean, like, I've know you forever

but I didn't know if, like, you'd wanna invite

that into, like, our life.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't do that.

'Like, if we're gonna be together, like'

I want our relationship to be opposite

of all that stuff, you know?

Like, I want it to be

the best relationship ever.

That means a lot.

So, does that mean we're exclusive?

You mean, like, you were

actually thinking that we weren't?

No, I knew we were.

The second that we started hanging out, I was like

"I'm not even thinking about another girl."

This is... amazing.

I'm so happy with you.

♪ Let me guide your steps ♪

♪ I'll move you in time ♪

♪ We'll dance the night away... ♪

- Well, well, well. - Oh, my God.

- 'Hey.' - Did you show up?

- Can you believe it? - It's incredible.

- What's up? You're actually... - You look, you look hot.

- Thanks. So do you. - Really?

I got real dressed up, nice and classy.

I'm very surprised actually.

I thought you'd be in a T-shirt

and flip-flops.

I didn't see you at Enzo's birthday party.

First of all, it was the most awkward thing

I've ever been to in my whole life.

- Who was there? - It was extreme.

Enzo and all his little friends?

- Like, John and Mike. - I wanted to meet Enzo.

It was still awkward because I don't know Enzo that well.

Oh, neither do I, but...

But Spencer was out of his mind you know, as always.

How's Heidi?

Seems like there's a big

issue with Holly and Spencer.

Like, Spencer will go to throw Holly out of the house

and try to strangle her across the little kiddie table...

- Are you serious? - He wanted to.

It's an interesting world they live in over there.

God.

That's so funny that we introduced them.

- Look what we did. - I was about to say...

- Look what we did. - God!

- I feel terrible. - I know.

Who keeps on texting me?

Oh, Audrina is texting me.

Shut up.

Oh, look, it's all my boyfriends.

Oh, yeah, that sounds--

Oh, wow, I have a lot of boyfriends.

That sounds really believable.

So did you hook up with Audrina or not?

- Why do you care? - I don't care that much.

- Why would you ask then? - Please, Brody--

Would you mind if I hooked up with her?

- No, I wouldn't mind. - Not at all?

If you didn't lie to me, I wouldn't mind.

- Cabrera though, really? - I know.

I mean, he's a nice guy. I like him, but, like...

Well, I don't know.

You were like

"Eh, I don't know."

- There you go. You're welcome. - Thank you.

Oh, I'm so glad they cleaned up after that elephant.

I'm sorry I didn't stay longer to help you out.

No, it's good. We got it covered.

'Everything's okay with you?'

Well, to be honest

I was really shocked

at some of the things

that Spencer was saying.

That whole thing was just...

'Whoa.'

What's the vibe in here, ladies?

A little tense.

Hello, sister.

- Hi, brother. - How are you?

We were just, uh, talking about you.

Hope all good things.

I felt really disrespected

'at Enzo's birthday.'

I thought by this time you would

have enough respect for me

that you would be able to

refrain from speaking about

my mom like that

in front of me.

For me, that was the best like, I was proud of myself

for not doing what I wanted to do to you.

'Cause what I wanted to do

and say to you, dear...

Whoo! I didn't.

'Cause I was praying, praying

like I do every day to not say

'the things that I wanna say'

to you, to your mom.

No, no, I'm not-that's why...

Do you see how I'm not saying them?

- Yeah. - I'm very proud of myself.

Look like your head's about to explode, so just take a breath.

So I'm sorry if I disrespected you

'but I'm very emotional these days.'

Very, very.

So I say things that I feel.

I was the one that wanted to kill anybody that would

ever talk like that about my sister, and I still would.

But that goes for my mom too.

And as a family, that's how we all should be.

Well, I didn't say anything negative about your mom.

Your mom is just the vagina

that made Heidi come on to earth.

Your mom is not Jesus, or God, or the creator.

She never said she was...

So why can't I say that?

So why can't I say that?

- Because it's disrespecting. - 'No, it's not.'

- Your mother. - It's my opinion...

'The Bible says, "Honor thy mother and father."'

'That's one of the Ten Commandments.'

Hey, preacher, preacher, this isn't Bible study.

You guys are the ones always preaching all the time

and practice what you freaking teach.

No one's preaching here. This is life.

Let's all take a breath.

You're not her sister. You're not her friend.

You're a liar, and I'm gonna walk away from these lies

'cause she's gonna sit here and keep lying to you.

You're the biggest poser in this town.

'You know it, and you're gonna burn for it.'

Stop it. Stop it, Spencer!

Spencer, that's so out of line.

'Spencer, that's so out of line.'

You *** liar.

'I'm sorry, that was really out of line.'

All I do is love you.

If he doesn't like me we're never gonna be okay.

'That's not true.'

It doesn't matter

if he likes you or not, Holly.

You can call me.

I don't even have your number

and he's always with you.

He scares me.

He doesn't scare you.

He scares me.

I don't know what to say.

I'm just so sick of this.

All of this.

Me too.

I just don't wanna do this anymore.

♪ I got too much on my mind ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ You take too much of my time ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Call and you aggravate me ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Fed up I had it baby ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you... ♪

We're clear you're not welcome here, right?

Wait till I walk all the way away and then yell at me.

I wanted to make sure you were off the property.

- 'Whatever. You're pathetic.' - Exactly, exactly.

Next time, I'll call the police.

You scared of a little *** girl?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep walking back to Colorado.

'No one wants you in Hollywood. Keep walking.'

♪ You don't wanna get back get that we're through ♪

♪ If you sad the store got tissues ♪

♪ But I ain't gonna deal with your issues ♪

♪ You ain't winning this time so just lose ♪

♪ You're really making me sick as the flu ♪

♪ I got too much on my mind ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ You take too much of my time ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Call and you aggravate me ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ Fed up I had it baby ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪

♪ I've got too much on my mind ♪

♪ I shouldn't be thinking 'bout you ♪