Original subtitles

-* upbeat music plays -Okay, what's next?

I can do improv all day.

Who's got a prompt?

It can be anything!

-Hit me! -[Bailey] Oh... Mutants!

[Madison] Ooh! Yeah, uh fighting other mutants!

Usually, it's something like pirates going grocery shopping

or detectives at the beach.

[Bailey gasps] Mutant detectives!

* music abruptly stops *

What are you guys doing?

Giving you prompts?

No, you're just shouting out "mutant" over and over,

which makes me think you don't want to help me hone my craft,

you just want to hear cool mutant stories!

That's not how improv works.

Oh, come on!

We've been hanging out for months and you never tell us

any of the cool mutant stuff you do!

You've gotta have some stories!

We don't! We go to high school just like you.

The most exciting thing we've done lately

is find our dad's favorite tea brand

after he claimed it was discontinued.

And it wasn't even discontinued!

The bodega just moved across the street!

That's a terrible story.

[sighs] Okay, fine! You want a story?

Well, gather 'round 'cause I've got a tale for you!

This one has everything:

-mystery, danger... -* intriguing music plays *

...friendship, betrayal,

-and lots and lots of improv. -Finally! Yeah!

-One, two, three, four! -[drumsticks clicking]

* upbeat rock theme music playing *

[roaring]

[oinking]

[clanging]

-[roars] -[squeaks]

[growls]

[hisses]

[roaring]

* music ends abruptly *

* upbeat music plays *

-[grunts] -[bottles clink]

That's everything, right?

We got the T-P, jalapeño poppers,

nasal spray for Dad, and 12 frozen pizzas?

Check, check, and... check!

This was a lot cooler when we had to hide and sneak around.

I mean, you know, almost getting caught,

ready to fight our way out.

Except we never got caught, did we?

Because we are ninja.

-The shadows are our home-- -* tense music plays *

Why have we never considered just getting this delivered?

But this is way better, right?

We get to talk to people.

Talking to people is good.

-Friends are good, Donnie. -[tires screeching]

-[Donnie groans] -[Leo] Again?!

[overdramatic] Oh no! It's mystery mercenaries!

I wonder who sent them?!

You know who it is, Mikey!

Yeah, man, I love fighting,

but even I'm getting tired of this.

This is the fourth time this week!

[fighting grunts]

How can you still be trying to defend him?

Defend who? [grunts]

And for real, why is it always about the blood?

[fighting grunts]

Huh? [faints]

Maybe just once, someone could try to kidnap us

because they love and admire us?

[crickets chirping]

I'm just saying, it could be anyone!

Like the Earth Protection Force!

Ugh! Donnie, wha-- No!

-That's not real. -Believe what you wanna believe.

But just know, they're out there!

Guys! Can we focus?!

Hang on, Leo!

-[Mikey grunts] -[yelps]

[pained grunt]

[bottles clink]

[scoffs, laughs]

[grunts]

Dude, what the heck?

Ugh, you've gotta be kidding me.

Rod Team 6.

[sarcastic] Okay. What a shocker.

Fall back! Fall back!

[tires screech]

-[backup alarm beeps] -[vehicle alarm blaring]

[clears throat] Told you.

Maybe it's Rod, like, you know,

some cool supervillain team name, or it could be--

[sighs] Okay, you got me.

Look, Rod's a good dude!

He just really wants to be a mutant,

and yes, sometimes sends people after our blood,

but is that so bad?!

[all] Yes!

[humming]

[grunting] Oof!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

-[doorbell chimes] -Hey, Wingnut!

[doorbell chimes]

[weapon powers up]

[sighs in relaxation]

[Leo grunts] Uh, hello?

Is there something I can help you with?

-[horse nickers] -[Leo] Excuse me?

I can't help but notice you put a bag over my head?

Okay, so maybe it was more than a few times.

But I'm pretty sure his heart isn't in it.

-Yeah, or his brain. -Or logic.

-Common sense. -[phone buzzing]

-It's him, isn't it? -Huh?

[pings]

-[laughs] -You're texting with Rod,

who literally tried to kidnap us a minute ago.

Mikey! Rod Underwood tried to wipe us out!

That's how we met him!

But ironically, he's one of the only people

who truly gets me.

Oh, and we have a lot of the same interests.

Also, it's Rod Jr.

His dad is Mr. Underwood.

Dude, for real, stop talking to that guy! Seriously.

I can't just end our friendship like that!

-Sure ya can! -Doesn't seem hard.

[ambient traffic noises]

* dramatic music plays *

[Bailey] Mikey... Mikey!

Mikey!

Psst! Mirror!

You're not mirroring!

Huh? Oh. [clears throat] Sorry, sorry.

Hey, do you guys ever have that thing where you have a friend

but your other friends don't like him because your friend

-is trying to kidnap you? -This is about Rod, isn't it?

I said a friend. I didn't specify who.

How are you even friends with that guy?

He's always coming here and messing up our rehearsals!

"Rod wants a snack. Rod wants to know if you saw his livestream.

Rod forgot how to tie his shoes."

[Bailey] And honestly, he doesn't smell great either.

I keep it au natural in the pits.

My body is a temple, son!

[can rattles]

[can spraying]

[choking, coughing]

We're in a windowless basement with no AC, Rod!

This is exactly what we're talking about, Mikey.

He's a distraction!

You know what?! I don't need this or you guys!

I quit the team!

You were never on it!

[grunts] Fine!

You want me gone? I'm gone!

And don't forget, I'll be going live tonight on all socials,

"at" the "R0dfather," like The Godfather with a zero

instead of an "O," 8:00 p.m. Eastern time.

And, dog, hit me up on the app for that merch.

5% best friend discount.

[yells] Okay! Now I'm storming out!

He said 8:00, right? What time is it now?

[groans]

[slurps]

Hey, Rod, we gotta talk.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, which thumbnail should I use for my next post?

You own two private jets?!

What? No, those are my dad's.

I gotta get the views by any means necessary.

[sighs deeply] Look, Rod, I love hanging out with you,

but my brothers, my improv group,

the sign spinner in Times Square,

those two strangers I met on the subway...

maybe they're all right.

[sighs] I think maybe we need some space.

-Are you breaking up with me?! -* dramatic music plays

No, Mikey, come on, man! Let's talk!

-Please, let's talk about this! -[groans]

It's not you, Rod, it's me.

Although there's a lot of evidence that it's you.

I'm sorry, okay? But for real, you're like my best friend.

You're one of the only people that gets me.

I feel the same way!

But maybe you could, I don't know,

stop trying to kidnap me and my brothers

and steal our blood too?

-Whoa, whoa! -* music stops *

Let's not get crazy here!

[ambient traffic noises]

[sighs] Okay, fine. I'll stop.

But if the opportunity is there,

you can't expect me to not take it.

Like if you got a nosebleed or something,

then it's like fair game, right?

Shake on it.

Even better.

Eehhh, maybe we just make this a verbal agreement.

[bottles clinking]

And that's how ol' Rod, me,

best friend to the Ninja Turtles,

is gonna become a mutant.

Probably Mutagen Man!

Although Power Rod is still a contender.

Hey, for anyone just joining the live,

don't forget to smash that button and subscribe!

[objects clatter]

Hey, check it out,

two dudes in ski masks

just kicked down my door.

They're looking around... They see me. Yep!

Now they're coming right at me-- [pained grunt]

Ah! Ah! I think I'm being kidnapped! Ah!

Whatever happens... [grunts] ...don't forget to subscribe

and put down in the chat when you think I'll be rescued!

[chuckles] And smash that button! Woo!

* dance music playing *

* upbeat music plays *

[slurping loudly]

Mikey, buddy, you doing alright?

Yeah, usually you, you know, talk more.

What? Oh, yeah, it's just weird.

I haven't heard from Rod since yesterday.

It's just odd, you know?

-Not really. -I'd be celebrating.

-Yeah, he's the worst. -[slurping loudly]

[train whooshes]

Come on, Mikey, you're better off without him.

You've got us, you've got your stand-up comedy--

-It's improv! -Sure, yeah, whatever, dude.

We're just saying, you don't need Rod.

But I-I am gonna miss beating up Rod Team 6.

[frustrated growl] I am a multilayered,

complicated person, okay?!

Not just some one-note joke-telling, skateboard-riding,

pizza-eating dude.

We all have friends that maybe

not everyone approves of.

Like Raph and the Purple Dragons, or Irma.

-What's wrong with Irma? -But somehow, Rod is a problem?

I think maybe you just don't want me to grow as a person!

The only thing you're going to grow

hanging around Rod is a rough foot fungus.

Whoa. Check it out.

Uh... Can we help you?

My name is Lexis, I work for Rod Underwood Sr.

He would like to speak with you at his office uptown.

-[laughs] We're going in a limo! -This is awesome!

Guys! Guys, guys!

We can't just get in a random limo!

-Uh, yeah we can. -Dude, it's a limo.

I've never even been this close to a limo.

And it's not random!

-It's from Rod's dad! -That's even worse!

What if it's a trap so he can kidnap us for our blood?

There's unlimited snacks inside.

No amount of snacks is gonna convince us to--

When a limo pulls up, you just get in!

-Check out this sound system! -Leo! Get in!

What kind of snacks?

* cheerful pop song plays

And there's an ice maker?!

Oh man, and it's the fancy circle kind! [chokes]

[window divider whirring]

I feel like I'm in an early 2000s rom-com!

-[man] Out of the way! -[horn honks]

-[man] Move it already! -But with more traffic.

* elegant music plays *

-[Turtles] Whoa! -Guys!

Check it out!

Huh! This is awesome! I wanna throw some golf clubs!

Dude, I think this is a first edition!

Wow! Everybody looks like little ants from up here!

Oh, there's an ant getting mugged!

Sell 27 shares of the Swiss bank stat!

No, don't short it! I said sell it! Dump it!

[business lady] You got it, Mr. Underwood!

This is so cool.

I feel like a master of the universe.

Like an illuminati.

Yeah, if you're in charge of the world,

we're all in trouble.

Fore!

[gasps]

[yelps]

-[gasps] -* tense music plays

So, you're the things my son is so obsessed with.

Lexis tells me you're all idiots.

-Harsh. -[footsteps approaching]

Move.

I brought you here because earlier today,

I was sent a package.

Open it.

Do we have to?

-Uh, that's-that's all you, man. -I'm not touching that.

He's your friend's dad.

* suspenseful music plays *

[gulps]

Uhh, ew!

What is that?! Crushed cheese puffs??

-Ugh! -Or hairy corn nuts?

Wait... Oh no!

[Donnie] Ew! Is that Rod's beard?

I-I think I'm gonna throw up on you, Rod's dad.

How was it shaved off in one piece?!

There's a note.

"Hello. We have taken Rod Jr.

If you ever want to see him again, send."

That's it. It just stops.

[sighs in frustration]

-Turn it over. -Oh. [chuckles]

"One million dollars in fives and twenties.

No tens or else. Please and thank you."

[gasps] Rod's been kidnapped!

By extremely polite kidnappers.

You don't need to raise your hand.

Uh, sir? You're rich, why don't you just pay the ransom?

-Because I don't want to. -* tense music plays *

Rod has been a waste of money since the day he was born

and I will not waste any more of it on him.

But you're his dad.

Unfortunately.

But you're his friend, he tells me.

The mutant heroes of New York.

Feels like this is something you could handle, for free?

I want you to find Rod and deal with the people responsible

for taking him.

-Can we borrow your limo? -No!

[Mikey] What?! Come on!

Are you serious? You're not going to help?

This is literal karma.

He tried to kidnap us, and he got kidnapped.

It's kinda funny, honestly.

The universe is speaking, brother,

all you have to do is listen.

[grunts] Dude!

Leo, come on!

Regardless of who he is and what he's done,

it's still a person in trouble who needs help!

Isn't that, like, our whole thing?

I know you like him, Mikey,

but maybe this is just for the best.

[Mikey] I can't believe this!

Rod gets kidnapped and nobody cares!

Not his dad, not my brothers. Just me!

Uh, this is, uh, kinda not specific

for our scene work today?

[sighs in exasperation] Come on, Mikey.

Maybe your brother is right, maybe this is for the best.

Yeah, I mean, we're so close to taking our show

out of this small theater and--

And besides, Rod is... kind of awful.

Yeah, I mean, obviously being kidnapped is a terrible thing,

but everyone sort of...

hates him.

-[light bulb dings] -That's it!

Everyone does hate him!

So whoever kidnapped him has to hate him the most!

Uh...

Who would hate Rod the most?

Way to keep the scene going!

Probably someone who knew him really well.

His dad, me, you guys, my brothers,

a lot of online delivery drivers.

He's never had a job or really worked with--

[gasps] Bishop! They worked together!

She hates Rod and is probably still

trying to get money for her robot stuff!

Ha! Come on, you guys! We have to find Bishop!

Didn't Bishop try to, like, wipe you out with killer robots?

Yeah, but she's super nice now!

Come on! I promise you, nothing bad is going to...

[Mechazoid] Destroy all mutants!

Okay, so I may have missed the mark on this one.

[Mechazoid growling]

-* tense music plays -Alright, does anyone have

any ancient Japanese weapons on them?

No, we don't have ancient Japanese weapons on us!

Uh, okay, not sure how this is gonna go then.

But hey, it's just like improv.

Your prompt is survival.

[female voice] Mechazoids.

Stand down!

Bishop! Hey, it's been a while!

Good to see you!

Can I call you Josefina? Josie?

No. What do you want, mutant?

Uh, just some casual conversation about Rod and...

maybe not to get murder-botted?

Rod? [scoffs]

What about that imbecile?

See? Everybody hates him.

[Mechazoid growls]

Uh... He's been kidnapped.

And I thought, you knew Rod, you didn't like Rod,

and you need money to fund your--

Hey, uh, last time we teamed up to stop the Mechazoids,

and you, me, us...

We're cool, right?

* ominous music plays *

Of course.

* music intensifies *

What exactly are you doing here?

What is "Earth Protection Force?"

-Government stuff. -* music stops *

A lot of paperwork. Red tape, very boring.

What were you saying about Rod?

Right, right. Sorry. [holding in sneeze]

Hang on. [holding in sneeze] Rod was kidnapped.

And?

And, uh... [holding in sneeze]

...we're trying to figure...

We're trying to figure out who...

who took-- [sneezes]

[Mechazoid] Mutant threat detected!

-Attack in progress! -[Mikey] No, no, no!

-No, no, no! Not an attack! -Initiating protocol.

It was just a sneeze!

[both scream]

* tense music plays *

* music abruptly stops *

-[clanging] -[grunts]

-[fighting grunts] -* intense music plays *

This was just a friendly visit!

I just had some questions!

[grunts]

You're really holding on

to this destroy all mutants thing.

Whoa!

Wah!

-[grunts] -[clanking]

Ugh!

[clangs]

[laughs]

[whizzing]

[grunts]

-[growling] -Wait, wait, wait, don't!

[impact grunts]

[growls]

Okay, I'm no scientist, but that's not gonna--

-[whizzing] -Okay! Guess it did work!

[grunts]

[shrieks]

Oof!

[groans]

[phone rings and buzzes]

[ringing continues]

-What? -[man] Call off your machines.

-But we can learn from-- -The mutants could be valuable!

-[sighs] -Do as you're told.

Fine. When we're ready.

[whizzing]

Mechazoids, stand down!

-[shrieks] -[whizzing stops]

[panting]

What the heck was that?! I thought we were friends!

Or at least begrudging allies?!

Huh! It sounds like you have poor judgment

when it comes to friends, then.

Where is Rod?!

Did you kidnap him?

If mutants are so amazing,

then why not use that mutant brain

and think for a second?

Your brother seemed intelligent enough.

Be more like him!

Wait, are you insulting me or complimenting me?

-I can't tell. -Ay, idiota!

Why would I want to spend more time with Rod!

Look around! I have all the funding I need!

I don't care where Rod is or isn't,

but for the sake of getting you out of my hair,

Rod has a brother and sister you should talk to.

Really?!

He never stopped telling me how much

they disliked him.

Maybe start there.

Now please, can you leave?!

I have work to do!

Okay, so it's not you, but I got a lead!

I gotta tell my brothers!

Guys! Guys! I'm doing it! I'm like a real detective!

I interrogated a suspect and got a new lead--

Mikey, you're probably gonna want to see this.

...and subscribe!

[Mikey] You guys are watching Rod's livestream?

This must be from the night he got kidnapped!

Yeah, it's hilarious! Look at this.

They see me-- Yup! Now they're coming at me!

[audio rewinds]

-They're coming right at me. -[laughter]

They're coming right at me. [grunts]

-Guys, he was kidnapped! -[Leo clears throat]

That's not--

[laughs] Look at his face.

There was a comment about something

right before the kidnapping,

so we watched it and found this.

Before we go any further, I have breaking news to share!

-No! He didn't! -* tense music plays *

Yes, that's right, I finally did it!

Now I have in my possession real mutant blood!

And soon, I too will be a mutant!

We have to get that blood back.

If it falls into the wrong hands,

who knows what will happen?

We have to...

-get Rod. -* music intensifies *

* music fades out *

Oh sure, now you want to help!

* dramatic music plays *

[gasps, breathes heavily]

Hello? Hello?!

Can anyone hear me?!

Was the beard necessary?!

Do you know how long it took me to grow this out?!

My face is cold, dude!

* music fades out *

**