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[Raph] Previously on
Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:
My brothers don't understand me at all.
I love to fight, but they just can't handle it.
So I found someone who could. My trainer, Spuds.
He just gets me.
Then out of nowhere, Bebop and Rocksteady
start tearing up the city for no reason!
Finally! A chance for me to really let loose!
The other guys got their butts kicked
then got mad at me for like no reason. So unfair!
But Spuds told me how to tap into my inner awesomeness
at a secret underground battle arena.
Like, for real! How could this possibly go wrong?
[siren wailing]
[gasping in amazement]
* dramatic music playing *
[grunting]
-[cars honking] -[grunts]
[cheering]
Yeah!
This is amazing! Let's go!
-[beeping] -No, for real! Go again!
[laughs] Did-Did anyone see--
You!
Dude! You guys come here too?!
-Isn't this place awesome? -Uh...
Wait, don't tell me the Purple Dragons run this place.
Angel, Hun, this is the best day of my life!
I want in! Like, right now!
I can't wait another minute. Like, just saying that sentence
was me wasting a minute. Come on!
No, seriously, what are we waiting on?
* dramatic music playing *
[fly buzzing]
What do you mean you didn't need the mind-control device?
I mean, it wasn't necessary.
He just wants to fight because...
-Woo-hoo! Let's go! -...he likes it, I guess.
Truth! That turtle's got a weird relationship with rage.
Perhaps it's a trick.
-[oinks] -[crowd cheering]
[Raph grunts]
Or...
perhaps not.
* dramatic music builds, ends *
-One, two, three, four! -[drumsticks clicking]
* upbeat rock theme music playing *
[roaring]
[oinking]
[clanging]
-[roars] -[squeaks]
[growls]
[hisses]
[roaring]
* music ends abruptly *
[electric guitar solo playing]
[laughs]
-* hard rock music playing * -[Rocksteady huffs]
-[yells] -Wait, the Dragons went legit?
That's right. This is just
a wholesome underground fighting arena
that the police can never know about.
-My leg! -I don't think you're clear
on what "wholesome" means, but sure.
-Are these hot dogs free? -It's all on the up and up.
You're just not allowed to talk about it, ever, to anyone.
Yeah, yeah, my lips are sealed.
I just wanna body-slam something.
[grunting, screaming]
[crowd cheering]
-Yes! Did you see that? -[groans] So cool!
Look how happy they are!
That was the best smile I've ever seen.
Who-Who are these guys?
Most of them are regular people stuck in some desk job,
looking for some excitement, looking to prove themselves.
Some of them just like to fight.
One guy's an accountant, I think.
Yeah, I-I totally get that.
I mean, not the job part, but...
When are you gettin' in there, big guy? [grunts]
Stop that!
Come on, Hun! Hun Bun! Hunny!
You know you want in there!
-Fighting is bad. -What?! Sorry, can't hear ya.
Fighting is bad!
Dragons aren't allowed to fight,
especially since there's money and loot and stuff involved.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!
You're saying people actually give me stuff to beat them up?
[chuckles] This just keeps gettin' better.
Can I get another hot dog?
[door creaks open]
Whoa!
-[whimpers] -* ominous music playing *
Welcome, Raphael...
to Mutant Battle Arena!
Kitsune, last time I saw you,
you wanted to cut off one of my fingers
and sell me to the highest bidder.
[laughs]
I was kidding!
No, that guy with the chainsaw was gonna do it.
-He-He was serious. -Oh, hi!
Oh. [inhales deeply]
Let's not hold grudges.
We're very excited that you're here!
* tense music building *
-* music ends -Fine, whatever.
-So you came up with all this? -Yes.
I was in Tanzania hunting an elephant when
-I was struck with the idea. -[gasps]
People pay money to fight animals,
so imagine what they would pay to fight mutants!
Rocksteady and Bebop agreed to this?
Th-This is all legit?
[chuckles] Of course!
If I was luring you into a trap, Raphael,
you'd know by now.
Oh, that's true. I never get proper respect for my brains.
So when do I get to fight?
Why wait?
* electronic music playing *
-[cars honking] -[fighter yelling]
-[fighter screaming] -[thud]
[man] I didn't earn my first billion
by not seeing potential, am I right?
This has potential!
Streaming, merch, social,
those little pop-up things kids have
on the backs of their phones,
you name it.
-[roars] -[screams]
[groaning]
But...
before I pump cash into your operation here,
you got a problem.
Hmm?
Right now, you're BTS without the V.
I have literally no idea what you're talking about, Mr. Knox.
The Turtles, man! [laughs] The heroes of New York!
That's what the people want!
These other Mutanimals are fine, whatever,
but if you wanna get the views, you need the Turtles.
Patience.
The main event is about to begin.
-* bright music playing -[shimmering]
I don't even know where to begin!
-Oh, I want this one! -[sighs]
And this one! And this one! Oh, get over it, Hun.
I've seen you fight. You're born for it. Look at you!
I only fight to protect the other Dragons.
Well, if you get yourself in the ring,
you can protect yourself from me.
I just think people shouldn't fight.
We need better outlets.
I do like the costumes, though.
Come on, bro! You're an actual criminal.
I mean, your whole thing is smashing people with a brick.
Yeah, but I don't enjoy it.
The pig and the rhino are only doing this because--
Turtle! You're up!
* electronic music playing *
[beeping]
[grunts]
[yells]
Wait, are you hugging me?
[bubbles popping on phone]
[weakly] Too much hugging.
-[laughs] -[bubbles continue popping]
You will want to watch this, Mr. Knox.
[truck beeping]
[heroic music playing]
[hissing]
-Ah! -[crowd cheering]
No way!
You got one!
[crowd cheering]
This... is...
awesome!
[roaring, huffs]
Rock! Can-Can you believe this?
Why didn't you guys tell me?
I'm flipping out, I'm so excited.
Don't hold back, okay?
I want it. The whole enchilada. This is gonna be great!
[growls, grunts]
[crowd cheering]
[Raph grunts, groans]
-[groaning] -* intense music playing *
Dude, it is on!
[grunting]
[clangs]
[Raph grunting]
-[Rocksteady growls] -Oh!
[Raph groans]
-[smashing] -[car alarm blaring]
-[laughs] Yeah! -[shutter clicks]
Bring it on.
[groaning]
This is the best day of my life.
[crowd cheering]
Sike!
[laughs excitedly]
Will you reconsider your investment now?
Yeah, yeah. But you're gonna get all the Turtles, right?
[chuckles, sips]
Bring me the collection, then we'll talk.
[Kitsune sighs]
You heard the man.
Get me the rest of them.
[gulping]
[exhales deeply, smacks lips]
Raph, did... did you clean up in here?
Someone organized my comics.
Raph, don't be mad, but I spilled some grape juice
on your white track pants.
[bottle crinkles]
They're just pants, right?
Okay, who are you?
And why do you look like a stuntman
from some '70s action movie?
Is this one of those situations
where an alien took over your body
and it's using its charm to fit in
before it eats all of us in our sleep?
Therapy works, guys.
I've shifted my energy,
and the universe has gifted me for that work.
Brothers, time to get in a pump.
Stay golden.
[whistling]
Yeah, I'm dead.
"Therapy works"? Like, what's that supposed to mean?
-[groaning] -[Raph] Let's go!
* dramatic music playing *
[crowd cheering]
[Rocksteady growling]
[splashing]
[relieved sigh]
[door creaks]
* ominous music playing *
[slow clapping]
Another excellent match, Raphael.
The crowds love you!
Thanks?
Could this wait?
[Kitsune] A token of appreciation.
Keep up the good work.
* tense music playing *
[shimmering]
This is just the beginning.
[gasps] Whoa!
Bling bling.
* bright, cheery music playing *
[chains rattling]
[grunts]
[Scumbug blabbering]
[roars]
[tires screech, engine revs]
[crowd cheering]
* music fades *
[Raph humming]
Where is he getting all this stuff?
Dude, maybe we should all be in therapy.
We'd probably benefit from some therapy.
After all, we've been isolated in a sewer for 15 years.
But also there is no way Raph's going to therapy.
[humming continues]
[grunting]
I caught him again sneaking out last night.
We need to get to the bottom of this.
I know exactly what to do.
* hip-hop music playing *
This calls for a little improvisation.
[Leo and Donnie groan]
You're not even lookin' in the right direction.
Are you watching those dogs again?
No!
Yeah.
[dog whimpers]
Ugh. She's been in there for like an hour.
Crocodiles are slow on land.
-[beeping] -Piece of junk!
What? You're gonna lecture me?
Doesn't feel right,
controlling people's minds like this.
That thing in there is not a person.
-It's an animal. -That's even worse!
We got eyes on one of the Turtles. The orange one.
But... there's a complication.
So... we're following him...
following his brother.
* funky, upbeat music playing *
Oh yeah.
Anything?
Yeah, he's ordering a deluxe,
just flexing all over town.
Oh crud, he's coming out!
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
Ah! Ah! No! [chuckles nervously]
Mikey, what are you...
Are-Are you following me?
What?! Nah, I'm here to get a slice.
Then why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?
Uh, it's, uh, you know,
I'm, uh, improvving.
My prompt was a spy getting pizza.
I'm a spy!
-[dings] -* soft, funky music playing *
Leo and Donnie too?
-Ugh, Mikey! -He's the worst!
What? Leo's just here for the... for the pizza.
Whatever. I know for a fact Leo hates this place.
Stop following me.
[truck door opens]
[engine starts, revs]
[car alarm blaring]
[clanging]
[tires screeching]
-They're on the move. -Which one?
They are really hard to tell apart!
[Angel] Hun, go!
[dog barks]
[grunting, panting]
[tires screeching]
* intense music playing *
[engine revving]
-I'll take street level. -Good, he's a terrible driver.
You and Mikey back me up.
Wait, where'd Mikey go?
-[engine roaring] -[shrieks]
Over there!
[tires screech]
Follow that car!
[driver] I've waited my whole life for this.
Let's ride, baby.
-[engine revving] -[tires screeching]
* mellow music playing *
What? Oh, come on!
Like you could go in and not order anything.
Besides, Leo's got this.
He's the master sleuth!
[engine starting, backfires]
* mysterious music playing *
[humming] Ninja!
[tires screech]
Ya lost him, Hun!
[screaming] Ugh!
Ugh! Can you believe them? They don't even trust me!
Sure, I'm sneakin' out at night and showin' up all beat up,
drippin' all kinds of bling, but still!
[sighs] Gosh.
They'll never understand.
We found something special here, you know?
You, me, even Mondo.
I honestly didn't think he had it in him,
but that gecko is dynamite.
I think Mutant Battle Arena
is... is honestly making me a better person,
a better friend, and a better sibling.
I know, you're probably thinking they're just jealous.
Like, I'm happy and now my awesomeness
is just shining a light on their imperfections, you know?
[huffs]
[grunts]
[sighs] Thankfully I got you bros.
You just get it.
Plus you're great listeners.
Okay, let's fight.
[thuds]
[humming]
-Ah! -[clanging]
[engine starting]
-[Leo screaming] -[banging]
-[Leo groans] -[thuds]
[whimpering]
* dramatic music playing *
[crowd cheering]
[grunting]
-Yes! -What the actual heck?
[Angel] How hard is it?
They're color-coded!
We already have the red one!
-Where'd the others go? -I don't know!
They're ninjas. Their whole thing is disappearing!
[Angel] You know what Kitsune's gonna do
-if we don't show up with-- -[screams, groans]
[nervously] Oh, hey, Purple Dragon people.
-I don't think we've met. -Get him!
* dramatic music playing *
[clanging footsteps receding]
Get up there! We can't let him get away!
[Leo groans]
[grunting]
[panting]
[grunts]
[humming]
[humming, grunting]
[screams]
* dramatic music playing
Well, well, well.
-If it isn't Fighty McFightface. -* music warps, ends *
-What is wrong with you? -You ruin everything.
We know about your little club.
[scoffs] It's not a club. It's a battle arena.
Run by the Purple Dragons!
No, they've gone legit. They're gonna start streaming
the battles on TV, they're getting sponsors.
I could be the face of my own line of protein shakes.
Really? That's awesome!
Don't encourage him!
You've left us no choice but to tell Dad.
What the heck, man?! You don't see me
trying to shut down Mikey's underground improv classes
or Donnie's illegal esports team.
Hey, my esports are sanctioned by a legit governing body.
And no one gets hurt at improv.
People get hurt... emotionally.
Like if they can't land a joke.
Hurts way worse than getting punched in the face.
He's not wrong. One time I dropped
this killer Mark Wahlberg impression.
[clears throat] "I'll eat any kind of burger
'cause I'm cheesy-going."
Nothing. I didn't sleep for days.
-Yeah, because... -That impression is terrible.
-...impersonation was trash. -It's so bad.
[toilet flushing]
I'm so sorry, I couldn't help but overhear your squabbles.
Is he upset about all the spying?
-Pete! -Oh!
Your timing is the worst!
How much spying have you been doing?
Not much. Uh, just, oh...
Several days. I warned them, but...
Jeepers! Is that another black eye, you young'un?
They say fighting is the last resort of the weak-minded.
[Leo] Uh, Pete, maybe now's not the best time.
I don't need this. I don't need any of you!
Just like Wahlberg didn't need the Funky Bunch.
You're all just jealous! Just like Rocksteady said.
To think I offered you rides in the Turtle Tank.
-I'm done! -[chair clatters]
I can't help but to think I escalated that.
[Turtles groan]
[siren wailing]
* upbeat, funky music playing *
Dude, you know he's gonna be so cheesed
we're following him again, right?
It doesn't matter. He needs our help
whether he admits it or not.
This doesn't look so bad.
Just wait till you get inside.
Whoa, is that a Lambo?
That's not just any Lambo. That's a Countach.
-There's a Bugatti?! -Those are Italian, right?
I can do an Italian accent.
[in accent] Ay, this is my Countach.
[in accent] Do you like-a my Countach?
[in accent] Bugatti.
Got that out of our system? Can we do this now?
Like, how are we gonna get in there?
[engine revving]
[in accent] It's-a time to go undercover.
[shouting]
-[Rocksteady growls] -[shouts]
[screaming]
That's it? I thought you had something else for me.
We do have a new mutant opponent.
But not a Turtle, right?
I'm going back to my bubbles.
[bubbles popping]
* soft, tense music playing *
What is wrong with you, Leo? We're not gonna fool anyone!
Shh! Not with that attitude.
[cats mewing on phone video]
[snapping fingers]
[clears throat] Donnie, the dogs.
[cart clangs]
Oh! Uh, my bad. Uh...
One glizzy comin' up.
[Leo] Let's move.
Sweet!
Aw.
[Bebop shrieks]
[Rocksteady growls]
[metallic creaking]
[Mikey groans]
[Donnie] B? Rock?
Hey, guys...
You guys okay?
It's... It's like they're zombies or something.
[croaking softly]
Maybe they're doing that statue meme.
You know, where you take a video and everyone acts like--
We know the meme. There's clearly no one taking a video.
-[metallic creaking] -Ah!
Oh, thank God. Perfect timing.
Yeah, something's off. We need your--
-Wait, is she beeping? -[roars]
-Whoa! -Ah!
[Bebop grunting]
Why are they attacking us?
[grunts]
Are you unhappy with the catering?
We didn't make the hot dogs!
-Ah! -[groans]
-[grunting] -* intense music playing *
[smashing]
[grunts]
[whimpers]
[gasps, screams]
-[Bebop shrieks] -[Donnie screams]
Could really use Raph right about now.
[both whimper]
We... need that rage!
[roaring]
Uh...
[Leo grunts]
[Bebop and Rocksteady growling]
[roaring]
[gagging]
[panting]
[sipping] Turtle!
Uh, quick, the other way!
[roaring]
Uh...
[echoing slam]
[grunts] Never thought I'd say this,
but you're my only family right now.
You, Spuds, Bebop, Rock.
It's gonna make for a pretty fun Thanksgiving dinner.
I don't like Thanksgiving.
Turkeys are friends, not food.
Hey, look, I-I know you don't like violence,
but I also know you struggle to channel your anger at times.
And sometimes, you get so blinded by anger,
you can't see what's going on around you, Turtle.
-You are so weird. -[door opens]
Your family gave you only pain,
but here we accept you.
We allow you to harness your rage for good.
I want you to remember that when you go out there.
We are your family.
Yeah, whatever you say, lady.
[door closes]
[heavy electronic music playing]
[shouting wildly]
-Yeah! Woo-hoo! Come on, baby! -[cars honking]
Let me hear it! Whatcha gonna do, huh? Make some noise!
[neck cracks]
Who's next?
* dramatic music playing *
[glass shattering]
[gasps] Guys?
**
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