Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

This line sucks.

Yeah, yeah, it sucks.

But the doctor says I need medicine for my arthritis

and the cholesterol

and now, he says I have diabetes for some reason.

Doctors don't know everything.

No, sir.

Remember when every time you ate a lot of sugar,

you'd go crazy?

Did I?

I don't remember. - Yeah.

You'd, like, run around and pull your shirt over your head.

My shirt over my head?

No. No, it doesn't ring a bell.

Yeah.

And then you'd, like, scream stuff about your bunghole.

My bunghole? No.

Are you sure you're not thinking of Stewart?

You know, the blond kid?

Uh, yeah, maybe it was Stewart.

He's a wuss.

Well, whoever it was, that was a long time ago.

Those days are over.

Next.

Uh, my name's Beavis.

Can I have your prescription?

Uh, no.

All I have is this piece of paper from the doctor.

This is from the unemployment office.

Well, that's what I got.

Wait, are you gonna give me a job?

No.

Oh. Oh, good, yeah.

Yeah, that was close.

I can look you up in the computer, Mr. Beavis.

Looks like you have prescriptions

for diabetes, arthritis, high cholesterol,

and prostatitis.

What's that one?

Do you wake up in the middle of the night a lot to urinate?

No.

Most nights, only like 15 or 20 times.

Let me get these for you.

Yeah, you're gonna need a prior authorization.

Well, how do I get one?

You'll have to call your insurance company, sir.

Ugh.

You gotta do everything yourself in this place.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, you do. Never coming here again.

Oh, OK, yeah.

So, um, do I have to get my medicine myself, then?

Uh, I guess so.

I think it's, like, self-serve.

OK, then.

Let's see. Where to begin?

I'm gonna try one of these.

Huh. Well, pretty good.

How about some of these?

Couple of these.

Wash them down with some syrup.

Whoa, these taste strong.

Whoa, I feel young again.

Come on! Come on!

More! More, more!

I am Cornholio!

I need TP for my bunghole.

♪ I'm not afraid of getting older ♪

♪ One less day ♪

This one of those videos where they show everyone

who died during the year?

Uh, oh, yeah. I think it is.

It's like one of those in memorba--

memoratorium.

So all these people died this year, huh?

Well, I thought that guy died years ago.

Wow.

Uh, he might as well have.

He kind of looks like that room mom,

you know, in kindergarten that used to give, like,

juice boxes to everybody.

He drives a Subaru.

How come there's all this fire around them?

I think that means that all these people went to hell.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, good for them, yeah.

You know, I've heard good things about hell, you know?

Yeah.

I've heard they have fornication.

Yeah, a-a-and fire too. Yeah.

Fornication and fire.

Yeah, yeah, it's like a Benihana's down there.

You know, Butt-Head, um--

I'm always afraid I'll see one of these

and then I'll see myself and that's how I'll find out.

And I'll be like, wait a second,

I must have died this year.

Don't worry, Beavis.

You'll never be in one of these.

No one will notice when you've died.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

Come on.

You could be dead right now and I would not know or care.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

You're freaking me out. Come on.

I'd just step right over you.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

You'll be in the section of the show

called "Good Riddance."

Oh, yeah.

And now, a look at the people we lost this year

who sucked.

Sir, you can't be back here.

Are you threatening me?

No, but this area is for pharmacy staff only.

I need pharmacy for my bunghole!

And my prostatitis. Yeah.

You will give me all your diabetes!

Would you like to see my cholesterol?

My cholesterol is in my bunghole!

Yes, we have an older gentleman here

who took a lot of geriatric medications.

My bunghole demands arthritis!

You will give me all your arthritis now!

You'd better send the police right away.

I have no co-pay for my bunghole.

You must give me your co-pay.

Side effects may include my bunghole.

My bunghole is old.

I am Oldholio.

I must take a load off my bunghole.

My bunghole shall nap.

It shall rest now.

For it is weary.

My bunghole.

Cornholio.

Bunghole.

Prior authorization for my bunghole!

I demand pharmaceuticals for my bunghole!

Do you have a co-pay?

I demand to see your co-pay!

Get out the scooter. You're under arrest.

I have a prescription in my bunghole.

This is your last warning.

Are you threatening me?

Yes, I am.

You will not threaten the almighty

Oldhol--

You will not threaten my bunghole!

No!

It is my bunghole!

He just took 50,000 volts like it was nothing.

He took so many pills, he must be

completely impervious to pain.

The way those drugs are interacting,

he could be capable of anything.

You must bow down to the flames of my bunghole!

My bungholio is an inferno!

Additional units on standby. 56223.

Suspect is wanted for felony theft

of prescription drugs, reckless driving,

first-degree arson.

And one time, I caught him spanking his monkey

to a cartoon about a train.

Get him.

Something's coming.

Give me all your pharmaceuticals!

You must give me Lipitor for my bunghole!

Oh, my God.

I am the great Oldholio.

I have no bunghole.

What could possibly cause a man to do this?

Well, I think it's 'cause he never scored.

I demand TP! You must give me all your TP!

What's he saying?

You will not disrespect my prostatitis!

For I have prostatitis in my bunghole.

Prostatitis?

Doctor said I got that too.

I must have prescriptions for my bunghole.

Do you need prescriptions for your bunghole?

Yes, I do.

Me too, Chief.

Me too.

Titicaca.

Let him go.

I'll pay for the medicine he stole.

- But Chief! - If it weren't

for the grace of God, that could be me out there.

That could be me.

You can take my bunghole with or without food.

My bunghole is en fuego.

He's going straight to hell anyways.

Ask your doctor if your bunghole is right for you.