Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:03,837
♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:31,898
Uh, your brain
weighs almost nothing.
3
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:34,234
What a dumbass.
4
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:35,335
Shut up, Butt-Head!
5
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,704
Weigh it again.
6
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:41,207
I'm gonna think
about something heavy,
7
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:44,411
like rocks or something heavy.
8
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,213
Wait a minute, Beavis.
9
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,881
Check it out.
10
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:49,949
Whoa.
11
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:52,219
Wow, that guy is cool.
12
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:53,920
Yes, he is very cool.
13
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:57,723
But look, it says, like,
he did a crime or something?
14
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,759
And if you turn him in
to the police,
15
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,997
you get, uh, a million dollars.
16
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,800
Oh, so if you, like,
find a guy who did a crime
17
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:12,271
and turn him into the police,
you get a million dollars?
18
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,976
Beavis, I've got an idea.
19
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:20,480
Uh, sir, Beavis
did, like, a crime.
20
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,148
I'm turning him in.
21
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,482
That's right. Yeah.
22
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:24,917
Yeah.
Give us a million dollars.
23
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,752
Yeah.
24
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,288
What crime did he do?
25
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,457
Uh...
26
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:36,729
Huh, uh, that one's
a stumper, isn't it?
27
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,332
Uh, sir, can you
give us a minute?
28
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,011
Um, I spanked my monkey.
29
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,614
That's not a crime.
30
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:54,947
It's not?
31
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:55,982
Whoa!
32
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,884
You know, that's cool.
33
00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,385
Are you sure, sir?
34
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,987
I heard him doing it,
and it was violent.
35
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,025
Yeah, that's not a crime.
36
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:09,763
Uh, can you give us
another minute, sir?
37
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,267
Tell him you stole a house.
38
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,501
Yeah, I don't know.
39
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:16,635
If spanking your
monkey is allowed,
40
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:17,871
maybe that's allowed too.
41
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,872
Uh, yeah.
42
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,307
That's true.
43
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,209
This is hard.
44
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,550
We thought of a crime, sir.
45
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:34,221
Yeah, I stabbed a tree.
46
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,489
Just get out of here, okay?
47
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,290
Hey, they look
like derelicts.
48
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,527
We should ask them if they know
anything about all the graffiti
49
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,162
around 26th Street.
50
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,864
Uh, is graffiti a crime?
51
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:45,865
Yeah.
52
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,100
Then Beavis did it.
53
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,670
Yeah. That's right.
54
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,971
Okay. Book him.
55
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,673
Yes!
56
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,508
We're gonna
be millionaires.
57
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,081
I wish it didn't
have to be this way.
58
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,715
I really do.
59
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,284
But sometimes in life, we have
to protect our own heart,
60
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,385
even if it means ripping
it out of our chest.
61
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,422
- Yes!
- Ooh, yeah!
62
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,090
Hell yeah.
63
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,392
That's how we
do it around here.
64
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:14,560
Yeah.
65
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,930
America! Yeah.
66
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,301
I bet we could do
better than those guys.
67
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,303
We should become hit men.
68
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,304
Yeah, yeah, really.
69
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,608
That's a good idea. Yeah.
70
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,443
How do you become
a hit man, though?
71
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,911
Oh, I know.
72
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,413
Maybe I'll ask at the
unemployment office, yeah.
73
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:36,415
See if they have any
hit man jobs, you know?
74
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,286
Uh, sure.
75
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,520
Can't hurt to ask.
76
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,422
You know,
at my last job interview,
77
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,858
the guy asked me
to stop jiggling my leg.
78
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:49,095
And I said, shut up,
or I'm gonna kill you!
79
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:52,398
But see, this time
on this job interview,
80
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,034
that might get me the job,
see?
81
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,602
Oh, this is good.
82
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:57,737
This is good. Yeah.
83
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,074
And I'll tell you something.
84
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:05,545
If I was a hit man, I would be
the model of professionalism.
85
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,813
And I would even clean
the grease traps
86
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,848
if they wanted me to,
you know?
87
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:12,486
Uh, there aren't
any grease traps
88
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,555
when you're a hit man, dumbass.
89
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,991
Yeah, there are.
They're on the grill.
90
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,827
You're thinking
of Burger World.
91
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,828
Oh, yeah, yeah.
92
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,999
Yeah, but, um, you know,
I could do all my hits
93
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,566
in Burger World, you know?
94
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,135
Mix business with pleasure,
you know?
95
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,139
Oh, you know what else, um?
96
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,307
Like, if I ran out of
bullets or something,
97
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:36,510
I'd give 'em, like,
a triple cheeseburger
98
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,511
with a side of Macho Fries,
99
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:42,048
and then they just die
of heart disease, you know?
100
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,150
I got time.
101
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,152
Also, like,
if you were a hit man,
102
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,487
and you didn't wanna come in
to work one day 'cause, like,
103
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,359
it was the weekend, you could
just say your grandma died.
104
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,694
And then if they said
they were gonna go check,
105
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:58,064
you could just kill her.
106
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,333
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wait a second.
107
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,434
I don't like that, Butt-Head.
That's messed up.
108
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:05,205
You said you have to work
on weekends as a hit man?
109
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:07,539
Uh, I think you have to work
110
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,244
whenever someone
needs killing.
111
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:14,213
Uh, yeah, this might
not work out.
112
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,716
It was a beautiful dream.
113
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,391
Felony vandalism.
114
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,192
That's a serious charge.
115
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,862
That's right, sir.
It sure is.
116
00:05:28,963 --> 00:05:31,698
We're gonna get
a million dollars, yeah.
117
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,399
Damn right.
118
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,935
Well, I promise you,
Mr. Beavis, as your lawyer,
119
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,172
I will do everything
I can to get you off.
120
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,173
Well, okay, I guess.
121
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,476
But I'd rather it was
with a chick, you know?
122
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,045
Court is now in session
for the trial
123
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,980
of the State of Texas
versus Beavis.
124
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:50,316
Prosecution, you may
call your first witness.
125
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,685
There's been a whole lot
of graffiti on the side
126
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,521
of the Maxi Mart and all
over the neighborhood--
127
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,690
a lot of gang tags
and obscenities.
128
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,526
Whoa, cool.
129
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,261
Yeah, the crime
I did kicks ass.
130
00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:02,628
Yeah.
131
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,296
You do cool crimes.
132
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,266
Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah.
133
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:10,903
Um, I do lots
of cool crimes, Your Honor.
134
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,572
Can those 12 guys
over there hear me?
135
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:16,075
Did you hear that?
Lots of cool crimes I do.
136
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,448
He told me to my face
that he did it.
137
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:23,784
He confessed.
138
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,152
But isn't it true
that you railroaded him
139
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:27,387
into that confession?
140
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,259
Rail.
141
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,093
My lawyer is a perv.
142
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,534
The defense calls
Mr. Butt-Head to the stand
143
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,235
as a character witness.
144
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,971
You've been friends
with Beavis your whole life,
145
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,206
is that correct?
146
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,409
Uh, he's not
really my friend.
147
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,846
But you lived together
for 20 years.
148
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,449
I'd like to take the 69th.
149
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,859
The defense calls
Mr. Beavis to the stand
150
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,560
in his own defense.
151
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,862
Mr. Beavis, we've heard
a lot here today.
152
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,197
And I bet you're
eager to finally
153
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,033
tell your side of the story.
154
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,967
Eh. This is boring.
155
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,670
How long is this gonna take?
156
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,204
I'm just here to get
my million dollars.
157
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,538
Yeah.
158
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,107
What million dollars?
159
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,743
You know,
my million dollar reward
160
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:27,179
for turning myself in
for doing a crime.
161
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,181
There's no reward,
Mr. Beavis.
162
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,151
If this court finds you guilty,
you don't get any money.
163
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,886
What?
164
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,321
You go to jail.
165
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:37,289
Now, that sucks.
166
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,859
Um, I have one more question
for the judge.
167
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,729
Proceed.
168
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,929
Um, is spanking your monkey
against the law?
169
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,598
'Cause they told me it wasn't,
170
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,968
and now it's just
not as fun anymore.
171
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:55,543
And so, Mr. Beavis, you
didn't do any of this graffiti?
172
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:56,710
No, sir.
173
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,011
In fact, you couldn't have,
174
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,014
because you don't even know
your letters.
175
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:06,085
I'd just like to state for
the record that reading sucks.
176
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,587
The only reason you
confessed to the crime
177
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,756
was you mistakenly
believed you would
178
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,858
be paid one million dollars.
179
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,593
Do I get a million dollars?
180
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,431
'Cause I'm still not
100% clear on it.
181
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,599
No.
182
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,967
Eh, that sucks.
183
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,969
The defense rests.
184
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,473
Your Honor, we have
just come into a new piece
185
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,475
of evidence we'd like
to enter into the record.
186
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,744
I'll allow it.
187
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:36,081
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
188
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:39,252
Yeah, we did do graffiti. Yeah.
189
00:08:39,253 --> 00:08:40,787
Oh, yeah.
190
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:45,057
Uh, let the record show
that it's a butt.
191
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,558
Yeah, I forgot about that.
192
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,662
Um, Your Honor,
was this in 2024?
193
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,931
I was drunk that year.
194
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,166
I don't remember
barely any of it.
195
00:08:56,203 --> 00:09:00,139
We, the jury,
find the defendants guilty.
196
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,308
Wait a second.
197
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,409
Who's the defendants?
I thought we did it.
198
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,644
Yeah.
199
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:07,347
Someone tell her
she got the wrong guys.
200
00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:09,616
At least these guys
know what's up.
201
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:12,118
Yeah, really.
202
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,988
Beavis, we're gonna
get a million dollars.
203
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,192
Our plan worked. Yeah.
14173
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof