Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

Well, today's the day, Beavis.

We got some weights, and we're finally gonna get swole.

Yep.

We're always talking about getting ripped.

Finally time to do it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Ugh.

Oh, yeah. There we go.

Getting some gains.

I think I'm already pretty jacked.

Excuse me, I live downstairs. What is that noise?

Uh, what noise?

Yeah, we might be, like, too swole to hear it.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, could you just please be quieter?

I work from home. - Whoa.

You work from home?

So you, like, live at your job?

Right, so it's important that it's quiet so I can work.

Then it's a good thing you live at your job

and not downstairs 'cause these weights

probably make a lot of noise.

Just please stop with the noise.

Did you hear that, Beavis?

That butthole lives at his job.

Lucky son of a bitch.

We have to live in this apartment that sucks.

Yeah, really. It's a mess.

No one ever does anything about it.

Yeah, yeah.

It didn't look like this when we moved in.

Somebody pulled a fast one on us.

Yeah.

Wait a second, Beavis.

If we had a job in a place that's better

than our apartment, we could live there instead.

We used to have jobs at Burger World.

There was always food there, as I recall, yeah.

I bet we still have our old uniforms.

So I looked at your applications,

and your names are already in the system.

Look, I'm in a bind here.

Can you take the shift right now?

Reuben and Andre flaked.

Uh, yeah.

And we brought our suitcases, yeah.

I'll go get your paperwork going.

Well, Beavis, let's move in.

Yeah.

Now we're talking.

Home sweet home.

♪ Walk on by ♪

Whoa. Whoa, what is that thing?

Uh, I think it's, like, from Dr. Seuss or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know, the thing about Dr. Seuss is,

he's not very good, you know?

It's like, he'll say, like,

"There's a cloothplush on my toothbrush,"

and he just draws a fake animal, you know?

Anyone could do that.

Dr. Seuss sucks.

See, it's like that chick there,

you know, I could say, "Oh, that chick is named Zood,

and she gives me wood, see?"

Uh... whoa.

That was pretty good, Beavis.

Whoa, we should write a children's book.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's easy, you know?

Anyone can do it.

Uh, we'll call it "Zong and His Schlong."

Or I know, I know.

Is this the land of Zoing?

That's where I'm going.

Because the chicks there make me go, boi-oi-oi-oing.

And then, like, that animal there,

we could call it a Lumbass.

And then, like, someone could say, "What is that?

It is a Lumbass, you dumbass."

Next thing you know, we're beloved by children.

Yeah.

There once was a Kwut who looked like a butt.

When he stood up, people said, uh, what?

Or something.

Yeah, yeah, see? See?

That's like-- that's like 10 pages right there.

Oh, yeah.

OK, Beavis, get to work drawing a Kwut.

OK, yeah.

Yeah, OK, what does it look like?

Uh, I already told you.

He looks like a butt.

You're just like the Lumbass who's a dumbass.

Oh, yeah.

I love that guy, yeah.

OK, let me put that in there.

Wait a minute.

You know, "Lumbass the Dumbass" could be a whole other book.

We could have two books.

Uh... oh, yeah.

I mean, you could do a whole series, you know?

You could do, like, um,

"Kwut the Butt Goes to the Doctor."

Yeah.

His name was Dr. Zucks, and he sucks.

Boy, this stuff just writes itself.

Yeah.

He had a friend named McVestibles,

who looked like a pair of testicles.

Yeah, we'll probably even, like,

win an award for, like, teaching kids about their--

you know, their body parts. You know, we make it fun.

The award was called the Schnads,

and it looked like a pair of golden nads.

Oh, oh, and then maybe someone

will make it into a movie, so we don't have to read it.

Yeah.

Th-- that would be cool.

You know how people always say the book

was better than the movie?

No one will say that about this movie.

Yeah, it's gonna be cool.

It doesn't get any better than this, Beavis.

Yep, we should have lived at Burger World years ago.

Hello? Does anyone work here?

Yes. And we also live here.

Yeah.

Someone's at the drive-thru.

Can you get me a BW Junior Meal?

- Can you get me some beers? - What?

Yeah, see, um, we actually live here,

so we need some beers. You've got a car, right?

Don't you work here?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying,

but we also live here.

So can you get us some beers?

We only have six left,

and we're taking them down pretty good.

Thank you. Drive through.

Some chick at the drive-thru

is going to make a beer run for us.

Well, as long as we're hanging out at home,

let's get swole. - Yeah, cool.

Between the new place, the new job,

and getting in shape, things have never been better.

Yeah, we're, like, getting our lives together.

Let's just go.

Hey, I hate to do this to you,

but Annabelle called in sick.

Could you possibly do the closing shift

and count the register? - Yeah.

We're not going anywhere.

Yeah, we live here.

Yeah.

You practically do.

You guys are gonna go far with that attitude.

Uh, I forgot who that guy is.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You know what, Beavis?

Let's celebrate our first day in our new home

and go out for dinner.

Good idea, Butt-Head.

Yeah.

Let me just borrow some money from the register here.

Yeah, look at this.

We live close to so many great places to eat.

It's all about location.

Two taco grandes, please.

We're your new neighbors.

We just moved into Burger World across the street.

Yep, we live there.

Yeah.

There's this chick coming by with beers

later, too, yeah.

We left the door open for her.

So you just left the Burger World empty

with the door unlocked? - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she's really cool. She's got a car.

Did you lock the cash register?

Uh, no.

If I lock it, it's harder to take the money out.

Yeah, we left it open so you can take the money out

real easy, you know.

It's a lot of money in there.

You just open the drawer and take it.

It's pretty cool. Neat system, yeah.

Well, here's to work from home.

Yep.

That's the way of the future.

Uh-huh.

I wonder if they're gonna have scoring from home.

Probably with computers, you know?

Yeah.

We'll be dead by then.

Whoa!

Looks like there's a party going on in our Burger World.

Look.

Uh, that chick must have shown up with the beer

and started without us.

I like her style, yeah.

Whoa.

This neighborhood knows how to party.

And all the money's gone from the register.

That's OK.

We'll make it all back tomorrow.

Our place pays for itself now, Beavis.

We finally turned our life around.

Good night, Beavis.

Good night, Butt-Head.

"Lumbass the Dumbass,"

by Dr. Beavis and Dr. Butt-Head,

because Dr. Seuss sucks.

Way down in the land of Ziggity-Zutthole,

there lived a guy who was kind of a butthole.

He was a weird-looking guy whose name was Lumbass.

He sucked. He was a real dumbass.

Lumbass the dumbass sat around and ate smachos,

which was a food pretty much exactly like nachos.

Lumbass knew a chick in the hood

named Zanktis Zunkey.

She gave him wood, so he spanked his monkey.

Yeah.

She had an even hotter friend

named Zoing-oing-oing-oing.

Lumbass took one look at her and said,

"Boing-oing-oing-oing."

And there was this other hot chick

whose name was Jutt-Head.

And she was like, "I want to score

with Butt-Head."

She lived in a town called Shmeavis Blucks.

Yeah, that's a cool name.

Where everyone liked to say,

"Beavis sucks." Hey. Wait a second.

Who wrote this?

What happened to the part about me

scoring and drinking gleers?

Uh, what are gleers?

They get you drunker than beers.

You have to leave.

You can't keep coming back in here.

Uh, can we at least use the computer

to look at some websites?

Yeah.

- Get out. - This sucks.

Yeah, my tax dollars pay for this library!

Uh, we don't pay taxes.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, we get taxes or something.