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♪ MTV ♪
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Uh, we're here to pay
our parking tickets.
3
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,895
Yeah, let's make it quick.
Yeah.
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Guys, this is a church.
5
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,467
The courthouse is two
blocks down the street.
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Huh?
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Huh.
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Well, Your Honor,
if it's not a courthouse,
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what are you doing here?
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No, I'm not a judge.
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I am a priest.
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Oh, I get it now.
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Yeah, a priest.
I see.
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Easy mistake to make.
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So, Your Honor,
how much is it gonna take
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to make these tickets go away?
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Yeah, maybe get
a little something nice
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00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,024
for yourself, you know?
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Some more of those
beads, maybe?
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Damn it.
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00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,730
We come here every day, and
that guy never takes our money.
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Well, that's the government
for you, Beavis.
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Nobody wants to work.
24
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,637
Hi, I'm Richard.
25
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I've noticed you two
spend a lot of time here.
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It's a wonderful
community, isn't it?
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Yeah, we're here because
we parked in a zone.
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Yeah.
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Well, the congregation
has organized
30
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a mission trip to Mexico, and
we'd love to have you join us.
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Uh, you guys are
going on a mission?
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Sure are.
33
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We're going down there for the
day to fight structural poverty
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and combat homelessness.
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Well, combat is cool.
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Yeah.
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00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,832
Yeah, I wanna fight structures.
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Yeah.
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Uh, can you excuse us, sir?
40
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That guy wants us to go
41
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on a combat mission for,
like, the army or something.
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00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,744
Yeah, remember we
wanted to join the army
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after high school,
but they said we were
44
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:55,483
like, mentality or something?
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I wanna blow stuff up
with a tank.
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And I would like
a flamethrower, please.
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Yeah.
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00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,958
You boys have
a high school diploma?
49
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,527
Is that that thing
they give you when
50
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,829
you drop out of high school?
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I lost mine.
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Yeah, he told us
the army was full.
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See, maybe this
is our chance.
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I always wanted to serve
my country with a flamethrower.
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Yeah.
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We'll do it, Sarge.
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We're ready to go
to war, sir.
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Ha!
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Always great
to have some volunteers
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,317
with a sense of humor.
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00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,520
See you on the bus.
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00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,520
We're silent but deadly.
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00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,929
Most guys in their 30s,
40s, and 50s or beyond
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seem to have
a huge misconception
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about dating younger women.
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00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,067
And if you fall into that--
- Uh-huh.
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Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah.
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In your dating life and
keeping you single
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00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,576
and not dating hot,
young women.
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So in today's--
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Okay, I'm all ears.
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00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:04,116
Don't know is that they can
actually turn their age
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00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,621
into an advantage with women if
they do just one simple thing.
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Uh, wow.
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00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,959
You know, like, I always
thought the reason
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00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,626
I don't score is
'cause there's just
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00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,795
one simple thing I don't do.
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And now she's
gonna tell us what it is.
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00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,301
Yeah, yeah, me too.
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00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,201
You know, it's like,
man, chicks look at me,
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and they're like,
you know, he's just
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only doing one thing wrong.
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Otherwise, I'd score with him.
85
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,178
You see, most younger girls
can fall in love
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with an older man very easily.
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00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,549
In fact, not only can I say
that from my own experience,
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00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,917
but there have--
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00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,487
She's like, I have two
100-year-old husbands.
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00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,791
older men as
more confident,
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00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,793
assertive, and masculine
than guys their age.
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And that's incredibly
sexy to a woman.
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00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,397
So if you as an older guy--
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This chick is great.
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Yeah.
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00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,037
She's like, not afraid
to say the things
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that I wanna believe
is the truth.
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00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,843
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,377
Yeah, yeah.
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00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,012
As an older guy, you don't
want them to be impressed.
101
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,980
You want them attracted.
So this is a huge mistake.
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00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,683
It makes you come off
as a needy try-hard
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00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,917
and shows that you really
don't trust
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00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,353
in your own value as a man.
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00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,522
So she's saying the problem
is we're trying too hard?
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I don't know how much not
harder I could try, you know?
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00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,031
I mean,
that might be impossible.
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Uh, yeah, really.
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00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,136
We're sexy
'cause we don't care.
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Number one, you make
strong eye contact.
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And this seems--
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Uh, yeah.
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I make strong eye contact.
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With their butt.
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This is such a neat, little
trick, I guess, that guys do.
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All you have to do is
call a girl by a nickname
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that you gave her.
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Chatterbox if she talks a lot--
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Nickname?
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Okay, I guess I could do that.
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00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,763
I mean, what's a cute,
fun nickname?
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Hello there, asswipe.
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Nice to meet you.
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00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,671
Can I buy you a drink--
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00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,508
My little asswipe?
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Also, you talk too much.
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00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,880
I've noticed you've always
got your nose in a book.
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00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,883
So I'm gonna
call you butthole.
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00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,488
Number four,
small disagreements.
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So you see, another mistake--
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Oh.
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Wait a minute, Butt-Head.
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Everything she's saying
is stuff you do to me.
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00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,464
You, like, disagree with me,
and--and you call me names.
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00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,999
And--
- Damn it, Beavis.
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00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,601
No, I don't.
- See?
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00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:35,901
See, you're doing it
right there.
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00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,137
You're disagreeing with me.
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00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:38,804
Damn it, Beavis! Shut up.
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00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,840
Butt-Head, are you
trying to score with me?
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00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,441
Damn it, Beavis,
if you say one more thing
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like that, I'm gonna
beat the crap out of you.
143
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,946
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, take it easy.
144
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,481
Kind of coming across as a
little bit
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00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,984
of a desperate trier
or whatever.
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00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:52,685
- Damn it, butthole!
- Yeah, see?
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00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,820
See, there--there's
with the nicknames.
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00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,656
Look, Butt-Head, I mean,
not that there's anything
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00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,427
wrong with it, but,
um, I just, uh,
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00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,128
my tastes don't run that way.
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00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,497
Agh!
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00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,732
- Damn it, Beavis.
- See, physical touch!
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00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,034
I know you're desperate.
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00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,805
Damn it, Beavis,
I'm not trying to--
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It's not your fault.
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00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,774
There's just one simple thing
you're doing wrong.
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00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,377
You--you have a schlong, see?
Ow.
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00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,479
Thank you for watching
this video.
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00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,186
all: ♪ Michael,
row the boat ashore ♪
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00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,322
♪ Hallelujah ♪
161
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,092
♪ Michael,
row the boat ashore ♪
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00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,460
♪ Hallelujah ♪
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I can't believe it,
Butt-Head.
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We finally joined the army,
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and now we're going
into combat, yeah.
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They say killing
changes a man.
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It sure changed
these poor bastards.
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Look at 'em.
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Hardened killers.
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Yep, look at their eyes.
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Their souls are gone.
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Just a bus full of
tough sons of bitches
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with one-way tickets to hell.
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00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,430
Wow.
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00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,768
So this is the jungle.
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00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,904
Yeah.
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00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,207
Uh, these weapons suck.
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00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,843
How are you supposed to
kill someone with a hammer?
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00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,178
I don't know,
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00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:26,913
probably if you threw it
at somebody really hard.
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Agh!
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Ugh.
- See?
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00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,919
You're still alive.
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00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,386
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
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00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:36,055
Damn it.
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00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,525
Uh, sir, we wanna like,
see some action already.
187
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,761
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, lock and load.
188
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,196
You got it.
189
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,263
Why don't you take
these two nail guns
190
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,198
and go help out Victor?
191
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,268
Yeah.
Yeah, now we're talking.
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00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,469
Yeah.
193
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,405
Let's get it on, Beavis.
194
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,872
Time to go wax that dude.
195
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,776
Let's go rack up
our body count.
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00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,343
Yeah.
197
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:58,978
Counting sucks.
198
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,653
♪ Oh, saved and I'm glad ♪
199
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,654
♪ I'm glad ♪
200
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,189
♪ Oh, saved and I'm-- ♪
201
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,791
Oh, my.
That's not good detail work.
202
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,925
Bless their hearts.
203
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,661
I better get a hammer.
204
00:08:16,297 --> 00:08:17,763
Stay frosty.
205
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,965
Well, looks like
the enemy bugged out.
206
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,233
Yeah, that sucks.
207
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,502
We were gonna kick his ass.
208
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,338
Uh, let's kick
his fort's ass.
209
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,342
Sir, yes, sir.
210
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,575
Get some.
211
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,483
You will never
take our freedom!
212
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,518
Yah!
213
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,254
Unleash hell!
214
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,091
Special delivery
from Uncle Sam.
215
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:48,662
Yeah.
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00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,165
By the power of Grayskull!
217
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,571
Well, Beavis,
another win for America.
218
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,740
We just, like,
made some freedom.
219
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,209
Yeah.
220
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,342
Oh, my God.
221
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,411
What the hell did you guys do?
222
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,180
We kept this country safe.
223
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,583
That's what the hell we did.
224
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,650
Yeah, while you were back
there pushing papers around,
225
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,619
we were risking
our lives out here.
226
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,488
Freedom isn't free.
See what I'm saying?
227
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,289
Sometimes you gotta--ah!
228
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,691
Ugh!
229
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,825
Go, out!
230
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,228
- Hey, hey.
- Run.
231
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,328
God damn it!
232
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,230
You can't handle the truth.
233
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,333
You said "handle."
234
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,203
Get back here, you bastards!
235
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,209
That's the problem,
Butt-Head.
236
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,911
The politicians in Washington
won't let us
237
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,080
do what it takes to win, see?
238
00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,015
Yep.
239
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,484
We're just gonna have to
find the enemy on our own.
240
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,620
Yeah, this is cool.
241
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,922
We're, like, going commando.
242
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,190
Yeah.
243
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,660
And Beavis,
if I don't make it back alive,
244
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,563
tell your mom thanks
for supporting my troops.
245
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,369
I banged your mom.
246
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,339
Yeah, wait a second.
247
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:08,909
Shut up, Butt-Head.
248
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,776
Commando.
249
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,546
I banged her for America.
250
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:39,839
Hello, I'm Tom Anderson,
veteran of two foreign wars.
251
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,109
But today, Marcie and I
are on vacation
252
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,246
here at this beautiful
beach resort in Mexico
253
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,348
right there on the edge
of the Sonora Desert.
254
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,818
It is our first vacation
in 15 years,
255
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,923
what with being on a fixed
income from a military pension.
256
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,360
And it is a relaxing one,
I tell you what.
257
00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:03,797
- Beavis, let's kill that guy.
- Yeah.
258
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,565
But no part of it
was quite as relaxing
259
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:09,568
as what happened this morning
at the breakfast buffet.
260
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,905
I approached what appeared
at a distance
261
00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:14,106
to be ordinary waffles.
262
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,144
What the hell?
263
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,914
Like, eat nails or something.
264
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:24,617
Yeah, courtesy of the USA,
you son of a bitch.
265
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,920
Take that, you bastard!
266
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,191
- Hey!
- Hey, cut it out.
267
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,464
Hey, stop.
268
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,034
There now.
269
00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,868
What was I talking about,
Marcie?
270
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,237
Right.
271
00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:47,240
Now, these waffles
had a little surprise in them
272
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:50,043
called chocolate chips.
273
00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:52,645
And one other
secret ingredient,
274
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,513
but that's a tale for the next
275
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,618
"Tom Anderson's
Vacation Stories."
276
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,190
Por favor, un otro?
277
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,360
Let's get out of here.
This place sucks.
19224
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