Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:03,837
♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,429
Sir, we just
wanna donate sperms.
3
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,496
Yeah.
4
00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:33,066
Don't come back.
5
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,834
Cody said this
was a sperm bank,
6
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,370
but I think it's just
like an Italian restaurant
7
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,471
or something.
8
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,474
In vitro!
9
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,842
Yeah.
10
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,880
Dammit.
We gotta find a sperm bank.
11
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,413
Yeah, really.
12
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:50,449
I'm tired of spanking
my monkey for a hobby.
13
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:51,984
I wanna go pro,
you know what I'm saying?
14
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,622
Uh, what have we here?
15
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,859
Uh, spuh-- spuh--
16
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:00,927
Spuh--
17
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,462
a place to spank your monkey?
18
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,397
Spuh-- sperm--
19
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,298
uh, bank!
20
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,867
Sperm bank.
21
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,603
Whoa!
22
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:10,938
That must be why its logo
23
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,072
looks like a schlong, wow!
24
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:18,111
Well, Beavis, let's go
in there and spank our monkeys
25
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,613
and get paid for it.
26
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,847
Yeah.
27
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:23,049
Boi-oi-oi-oing!
28
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,323
♪ Your mama ♪
29
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,092
Whoa.
30
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:38,430
Your mama.
31
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,466
These are generations
just sitting
32
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:43,536
around the campfire telling
stories about your mom.
33
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:48,374
Shut up, Butt-Head!
34
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,576
Uh, look at that, Beavis.
35
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:54,013
It's a mom who
cares about her son.
36
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,215
This song is not
about your mom.
37
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,986
Eh, c'mon, Butt-Head.
C'mon.
38
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,689
'Cause if it was, it'd be--
39
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,190
♪ Your mama ♪
40
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,524
♪ Went to the store
to get the Plan B ♪
41
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:08,961
♪ Then did drugs
during her pregnancy ♪
42
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,833
Shut up, Butt-Head!
43
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,435
♪ Your mama ♪
44
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,303
♪ Likes to have sex
with lots of dudes ♪
45
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,706
♪ And leave you in a hot car ♪
46
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,309
Oh, well, that's true.
47
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,879
♪ Your mama ♪
48
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,879
♪ Got in a fistfight
with her caseworker ♪
49
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,816
Oh, yeah.
50
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,720
I'd rather have that than one
of these moms that, like,
51
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,590
cares about you, and she,
like, is always around
52
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,426
'cause that turns you
into a wuss.
53
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,994
Uh, oh, yeah.
54
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,797
Moms like that suck.
55
00:02:43,798 --> 00:02:47,333
They're always like,
"Uh, I'm Jeremy's mom.
56
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,268
I came to his play, uh."
57
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,903
Oh, yeah, yeah.
58
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:54,507
"The play's so good,
and Jeremy's the best part.
59
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,976
Uh, Jeremy, I love you."
60
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:02,515
If my mom ever said that to me,
I'd kick her out of the house.
61
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,451
Yeah, really.
62
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,753
In fact, it's kind
of weird that you
63
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:07,754
just said it, Butt-Head.
64
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:08,888
Don't ever do that again.
65
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,356
I'll kick your ass.
66
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,828
You shouldn't even joke
about stuff like that, yeah.
67
00:03:14,829 --> 00:03:16,263
Beavis.
68
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,530
You seem upset.
69
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,432
Does this video
bring up issues?
70
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,367
Shut up, Butt-Head!
71
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,169
Do you want
to talk about it?
72
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,074
I'm here for you if you
want to talk about it.
73
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,041
Eh, c'mon, Butt-Head.
74
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,010
You know who's
not here for you?
75
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,712
♪ Your mama ♪
76
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,682
Shut up, Butt-Head.
77
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,018
This sperm bank
is pretty cool.
78
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,487
It barely looks
disgusting at all.
79
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,188
Yeah, yeah.
80
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:47,428
So, um, where do, eh, you
know, make our contribution?
81
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,265
Uh, looks like we
gotta get in line.
82
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,668
Eh, so we have to
wait for all these guys
83
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,103
to spank their monkey?
84
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:02,074
Ugh, that old guy's
probably gonna take forever.
85
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,343
Yeah, really.
86
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,713
Well, pull up
a chair, everybody.
87
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,816
Next, please?
88
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,117
How can I help you?
89
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,488
Uh, we wanna,
like, get some money.
90
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,489
Yeah, yeah.
91
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,756
Boi-oi-oi-oing!
92
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,859
You can use the ATM machine.
93
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,527
- We can?
- Sure.
94
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:22,896
It's right out in the lobby.
95
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,668
Um, Butt-Head, what do we do?
96
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:33,973
Uh, I think the sperm
goes in this thing.
97
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,945
Whoa, it holds a lot.
98
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,180
Eh, I don't think I can reach.
99
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,548
Maybe if you give
me a boost, I--
100
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:43,850
Ah!
101
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,084
Dammit, Beavis,
I'm not gonna have my hands
102
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,420
anywhere near you
while you spank your monkey.
103
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,455
Leave me out of this.
104
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,825
I guess I could just
climb up and then just kind
105
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,362
of pull my pants down.
106
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,970
There's too many
people around.
107
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,972
This is weird.
- Dammit.
108
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,442
This sperm bank sucks.
109
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:13,079
Uh, that ATM
didn't work at all.
110
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,314
If there was more privacy,
I could probably swing it,
111
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,650
but no, thank you.
112
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,286
Do you have
an account with us?
113
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,888
Uh, no.
114
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,258
We just got here
five minutes ago.
115
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,594
Well, you'll need to
make an initial deposit.
116
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,394
How would you like
to do that today?
117
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,829
Eh, I don't know.
118
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,232
With my hand, I guess.
119
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,433
Unless you have someone
who can help a guy out,
120
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,669
if you know what I'm saying.
121
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,907
I am going to need a deposit
before I can open your account.
122
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,844
OK, but, um, can we do
it in the bathroom, maybe?
123
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,947
You need the bathroom,
it's right over there.
124
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,482
Do they have
anything to look at,
125
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,785
you know, like,
to help things along?
126
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:56,557
Uh, they've got
these little magazines.
127
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,158
Let's see here.
128
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:03,930
This is just pictures of people
standing in front of a house.
129
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,731
Uh, it's not bad, you know?
130
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:08,234
It'll work.
131
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,103
Hey, baby, whatcha
gonna do in that house?
132
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,338
Oh, yeah.
133
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,607
The hay-ouse.
134
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,608
Yeah.
135
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,774
I'll just go in here.
136
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,280
Banking is cool.
137
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,120
Now, where's our money?
138
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,222
Yeah, I deposited
all over that place.
139
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,325
Yeah.
140
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,226
Yeah, me too.
141
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:36,697
Then I took a little nap
on some guy's desk.
142
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,765
I'll just need cash
or a cashier's check,
143
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,866
and we can get your
account opened right up.
144
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,736
We have to give him money?
145
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,070
Dammit, Beavis.
146
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,273
At least act like you
know what you're doing.
147
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,442
You got to spend money
to make money.
148
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,210
Don't embarrass me.
149
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,579
Oh, OK.
OK.
150
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,146
OK, fine.
151
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,648
Here you go.
152
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,218
OK.
153
00:06:58,219 --> 00:06:59,953
This is gonna be your
temporary checkbook.
154
00:06:59,954 --> 00:07:01,487
What?
155
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,689
And just give me a moment.
156
00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:05,191
I'll be right back
with your ATM card.
157
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:06,693
Hey, where's he going?
158
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,828
That butthole just
took all our money.
159
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:13,600
And look, they made a baby
out of our sperms already.
160
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,234
That's not our baby.
161
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,105
It takes like a month, dumbass.
162
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,706
Oh, yeah.
163
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:23,676
Yeah, but maybe because there's
two of us, it's faster, see?
164
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,813
Uh, oh, yeah.
165
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,082
Hey!
166
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,415
Undo this baby.
167
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,018
We want our sperms back!
168
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,686
Yeah, you stole our sperms.
169
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,823
At least pay us
for the baby we made!
170
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,860
Uh, he's gone.
171
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,266
I guess that's our baby, huh?
172
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,505
So what do we say?
173
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:55,742
Uhh--
174
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,677
We did your mom.
175
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,048
Eh, come on, Butt-Head.
176
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,151
C'mon.
177
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:09,589
So I guess, um, we're like, uh,
your dads or something, yeah.
178
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,358
Yeah.
179
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:12,860
Sorry, we can't stick around.
180
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,429
Yeah, it's been real,
you know, but, um, we gotta
181
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:19,199
move on and stuff, you know?
182
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,735
Uh, I guess before we
go, we should, like, give
183
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,638
it some advice or something?
184
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,873
Like, about life?
185
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,008
Oh, yeah, yeah.
186
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,942
Yeah, yeah, we should, yeah.
187
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,210
OK, let me see, um.
188
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,512
Oh, oh, I know.
189
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,380
You can donate
sperm at the bank,
190
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,716
and they'll give you money.
191
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:37,783
No, they won't.
192
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,820
Dumbass, it didn't work.
193
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,220
Oh, yeah, yeah.
194
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,655
OK, never mind that, yeah.
195
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,492
Yeah, sorry.
196
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,960
Uh, try not to suck.
197
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,998
Yeah, yeah.
198
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,032
Good enough.
199
00:08:52,133 --> 00:08:54,133
Let's go home, yeah.
200
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,750
Vietnam.
201
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:13,319
America was fighting not
only the wily Vietcong,
202
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,488
but controversy here at home.
203
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:19,159
After three tours
of duty, I myself
204
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,828
became disillusioned with
the war and left the army
205
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:27,133
and soon found myself in San
Francisco in what they were
206
00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:31,170
calling the Summer of Love.
207
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:35,942
Hey, cats, let's head on down
to the free love festival, man.
208
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,376
Yeah, groovy.
209
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,746
Psychedelic.
210
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,179
Far out.
211
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,250
Now, hold on just one
minute, Flowerberry.
212
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,652
That bong you got there
ain't gonna work right.
213
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:51,157
You see, the gasket on the
down stem isn't sitting flush.
214
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,193
And that's gonna
let in unwanted air.
215
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,496
Man, there's a
free love festival--
216
00:09:56,497 --> 00:09:59,265
You see, your lungs
create negative air
217
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,200
pressure that
pulls the marijuana
218
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,669
smoke through the water.
219
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:05,471
But with a bad seal like
this, you're just gonna
220
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,606
be pulling in regular air.
221
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,777
And I don't know about you,
but I call that a bummer.
222
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,779
Man, there's a
free love festival--
223
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,082
Huh!
224
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,650
Now, Flowerberry, you can
end the war in Vietnam
225
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,386
by making love
to your old lady quick.
226
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,555
Or you can end
the war in Vietnam
227
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,259
by making love
to your old lady right.
228
00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:30,263
So how about let's have
a look-see at that bong?
229
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:33,899
Do you have
a socket wrench set?
230
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:37,136
The next day, I returned
to Vietnam, where I did
231
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,406
another seven tours of duty.
232
00:10:39,407 --> 00:10:43,209
But I'm guessing you wanna know
more about Flowerberry's socket
233
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,578
wrench set.
234
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,646
But it'll have
to wait for the next
235
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,982
"Tom Anderson's War Stories."
15905
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof