Original subtitles

Eh, this place sucks.

We should go somewhere else.

Uh, every other place sucks too.

Yeah, that's true, yeah.

Oh, check it out.

It's that old butthole.

Hey, old butthole.

What are you doing?

What was that, boys?

Sorry, I'm just looking for buried treasure

with my old metal detector.

So far, I found 63¢ in change,

an old belt buckle, and a doorknob

that'll be good as new once I polish the rust off of it.

So are you gonna, like, polish your knob?

Why, yes, I am gonna polish my knob.

I'm gonna polish it up real good, I'll tell you what.

Now, ordinarily I'd ask my wife to polish it for me.

Well, she wouldn't mind doing it.

It's the sort of work she enjoys.

I bet she does.

But in this case, I think it'll feel

especially satisfying to polish my own knob.

Do you know what I'm talking about, boys?

I do, yeah. Yeah, I sure do, yeah.

He really does, sir.

Beavis spanks it 24-7.

You boys mind watching my stuff while

I get a cold one?

I'm just worried about those two bad kids

who live around here, Blovis and Bustamante.

Bustamante.

Well, thank you kindly.

Is that old guy gonna go spank his monkey now?

Of course he is. That's all he can talk about.

Come on, let's find some treasure with this thing

before he finishes spanking his monkey and comes back.

Well, we better hurry, 'cause, um,

he seemed really excited about it,

so he probably won't take too long, you know?

Well, hello there, friends!

Without a shadow of a doubt, one of the first vegetables

I fell in love with.

Whoa, he fell in love with vegetables?

Creamed spinach...

Yeah...

He was like,

"You know, like everybody, you know,

"I did it with a lot of cabbages, you know.

But then when I met the spinach, ooh."

"But when I met-a the spinach,

"my heart go boing, boing, le boing,

b-b-boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing."

What's this guy making?

He's making a dish called spinach and water.

It sucks.

Uh, wait a minute. Is spinach real?

I thought it was that stuff in the cartoon

that makes Popeye's right arm really huge.

Well, that's what they tell you.

But it's something else that makes Popeye's

right arm really huge, Beavis.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know Popeye spanks his monkey a lot

'cause his girlfriend's name is Olive Oyl.

"Your name is-a the same thing

that I put on my wiener."

"I love you."

We have beautiful, beautiful green spinach, you see?

This guy would never make it at Burger World.

He'd be like,

"Would you like a side of-a spinach with the spinach?

"For $1 extra, I give you some more spinach.

A-thank you. Drive through."

"We have a new menu item."

It's called a spinach, a spinach, a spinach, yes."

"What, you want-a french fry? No way."

"I don't make-a french fry."

"I'm French. I make-a spinach.

"OK, I read your order back to you.

"A spinach, a spinach, a spinach,

and a spinach à la spinach," yeah.

And then we're gonna put the cheese.

He's just, like, gonna keep adding cheese and cheese

and butter and cream until he kills off

the taste of spinach.

Why is he even putting spinach in it?

Uh, because he's in love with spinach.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Add bacon bits to it.

I mean, you can do so many things with this, friends, huh?

"I don't care.

"Sometimes I throw the bacon bits in the spinach.

"I throw the dirt in the spinach.

"I throw the spinach in the trash can.

I don't care! I'm crazy!"

"I miss you so much, spinach."

"I want to score with you again!"

"Why you leave me, spinach?"

I'm not gonna eat all this, see?

'Cause this is a little too much...

"Yeah, I'm not gonna eat all this, see?

I'm gonna go spank my monkey to it, yeah."

Now let's find some treasures, butthole.

When I find metal, you dig it up with the shovel.

Metal.

Um, it's one of those things with numbers on it.

Numbers suck.

Metal.

Whoa!

Uh, this money is old.

We need, like, new money.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, Butt-Head, do you think it can detect your braces?

They're metal. - Uh...

let's see.

Metal.

Damn it, what'd you do that for, dumbass?

Uh, it beeped.

I thought there was treasure in your mouth or something.

Yeah.

If you try to dig for treasure in my mouth

one more time, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Yeah, sorry, sorry.

My bad, yeah.

We got to detect some goddamn metal treasure

around here somewhere.

Metal.

Whoa.

There must be treasure in here.

Let's see here.

Metal.

Whoa, cool.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Metal.

You're supposed to dig, dumbass,

not just hit it with a shovel.

Well, you can't dig a chair, Butt-Head.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Metal.

See, there's more metal now than before I hit it.

Uh, that metal's all dirty and stuff.

It's got to be shiny to be treasure.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's got to be shiny, yeah.

Metal.

Now look what you did, dumbass.

Well, maybe there's some treasure in the window.

Yeah.

Uh, oh, yeah.

I heard a beep.

Well, we better get in there.

You said "in there."

No, sir, there's nothing like a cold one and a hobby,

I tell you what.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

Do you think there's treasure in here?

It looks like someone's house or something.

Well, there's only one way to find out:

with this metal detector.

Maybe there's treasure in here.

Got to stick with it, Beavis.

Yep, that's right.

No substitute for hard work.

Uh, hmm.

I don't think there's any--

Uh, what'd you do that for?

It didn't beep.

Eh, you can't be too sure, you know?

This thing doesn't work.

Yeah, it sucks.

There was no treasure, and we didn't get rich.

What in the hell? What happened to my lawn chair?

Whoa, that old guy is coming over here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we better go before he comes in here

and starts spanking his monkey all over the place.

If I find out that Blovis and Bustamante

had something to do with this, I swear to God--

oh!

What the hell happened to my house?

Good God Almighty!

I can hear him spanking his monkey already.

Oh, God.

- Really getting into it. - My commemorative plates.

Ah-ah! - Come up for air.

I'm gonna kill somebody over this!

Jesus Christ.

Yep, that guy is a real pervert.

Good God, it's everywhere.

Damn it!

Marcie, where's my gun?

Chirp.