Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

We have beers.

We're gonna party.

Yeah.

It's gonna be cool.

Whoa. Beavis, check it out.

- Eviction notice. - It's our landlord.

Maybe she heard about our party.

Yeah, it's about time she lightened up a little.

Yeah.

Uh...

hey, baby.

Cut the shit.

You have 30 days to pay the rent,

or I'm gonna come back here and throw

your fat ass out the door.

Yeah, if his ass even fits out the door.

Ah.

This sucks, Butt-Head.

They're gonna throw us out of our apartment

if your fat ass fits out the door.

Wait a second, Beavis.

That gives me an idea.

Yeah, we could, like, work and make some money

so that we can pay the rent--aah!

No, dumbass.

What if, what if, Beavis,

what if my fat ass doesn't fit out the door?

What if I get so fat, I can't fit through the door,

not my ass, not any part of me, not even my fat face?

Then we can stay here forever.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

That's really fat.

It will be a great challenge, Beavis.

But I know I have it in me.

You said "in me."

Ice.

Let's get some fruits in this bad boy.

"Let's get some fruits in this bad boy."

Fruit sucks.

Rum!

He's like, um,

"Well, this rum should kill the taste of the fruit."

Yeah.

If he didn't put that fruit in there,

he wouldn't need any rum.

Uh, yeah, he would, yeah.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Uh, why's he doing this?

What is this? - Uh...

I think this is for, like, a five-year-old's

birthday party or something.

And the theme is alcoholism.

Yeah.

And then the piñata is just gonna be, like,

a drunk guy passed out on the sidewalk.

Whoa.

That's gonna be a good five-year-old birthday party

right there.

And then they'll have, like,

a bouncy homeless shelter.

You know, Butt-Head, um, all kidding aside,

I just want to say, um, you know,

underage drinking is a real problem, you know?

Exactly, Beavis.

That's an important message.

But the sad truth is, most young kids these days

aren't cool enough to underage drink.

Yeah. Yeah, stick to milk, losers.

Let's save the wine for last,

OK, 'cause it's a special...

You know, um-- you know, it's cool

that this guy is, like, making drinking fun again,

you know, 'cause, um--

'cause usually I just think of it

as something that I have to do, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, it's like, "Eh, I don't want the shakes.

Got to do this again. Oh, boy."

Yeah.

I drank, like, the first six beers because I have to.

And then the rest is for me.

Yeah, it's about 12 for me.

Box wine!

This video cost him custody of his children.

It's like, how did I know when I hit rock bottom?

Well, I have a video of it.

Here it is.

Oh, yeah.

Rock bottom is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I want to hit rock bottom, yeah.

I feel like I'm close.

Oh, you will, Beavis.

I have faith in you.

Uh...

are you drunk right now?

Well, um, well, my head doesn't hurt,

so, um, I guess so, yeah.

Cool.

Life is good, yeah.

I appreciate that. Later!

There you go.

30 days to make you so fat,

you can't fit out the door.

And so it begins.

It's hero time.

You can do it, Butt-Head.

I believe in you.

Oh, yeah.

Huh. Now I'm a little hungry.

No, Beavis.

This is all for me.

But, um, I just, like, um--

I haven't had lunch yet 'cause I was, um--

I was buying hot dogs and putting them in a bag.

Beavis, if I don't eat all this food,

I won't get fat enough.

Do you want us to get evicted?

No, but, um, just 'cause you need to get fat

doesn't mean I can't eat.

Yes, it does.

Every bite of food you eat is one less ounce of fat

jamming me in the doorway.

Eh, I guess that's true, but--

I'm eating for two now, Beavis.

And you're eating for zero.

I can't do it, Beavis.

I'm full.

You're full when I say you're full!

The landlord's gonna come evict us tomorrow, Butt-Head.

Look how fat I am.

I'm never gonna fit.

Eh, yeah, that's cool, yeah.

Kick-ass, yeah.

But, um, so I was thinking, since you're, like,

so fat now, maybe I could eat a little bit of your food?

Damn it, Beavis,

what if tomorrow I don't get a big enough breakfast

and I lose weight?

Then that sheriff will put us out on the street.

Uh, I know,

but I'm, like, really hungry.

I've been living off crumbs I find on the ground.

God damn it, Beavis,

those crumbs are for me.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Now, I'm going to bed.

You better not touch my breakfast.

Hey, Beavis.

Get up and help me eat my breakfast.

We got to--what the hell?

Huh?

Where did the food go?

No one knows who ate it. Yeah.

Beavis, you backstabbing son of a bitch.

I better not fit through that door.

Damn it. Nice job, butthole.

I'm not fat enough.

Oh, no.

It's the landlord with her cowboy friend.

Damn it, Beavis.

And now we're out of food 'cause you ate my nachos.

Wait a second.

What about that case of beer you were saving

so you could party with the landlord?

Keep 'em coming.

Come on. Keep drinking beer, Butt-Head.

It's our only hope.

Shotgun it, Butt-Head. There's no time.

Open the door, Beavis.

We have nothing to fear.

Hey, how's it going?

Your 30 days is up.

You're out of here.

Oh, am I?

Good luck, buttholes.

Come on, push.

Try turning him sideways.

Go ahead.

Be my guest.

Care to try me upside down?

If the butt doesn't fit, you can't evict.

We did it, Butt-Head. You didn't fit.

Beavis, this is the greatest thing

anyone has ever accomplished.

Um, what's that noise, Butt-Head?

There he is.

I'm putting the strap on him!

He said "strap on."

Whoa!

We failed.

Yeah.

- ♪ Swipe right ♪ - ♪ With David Van Driessen ♪

- ♪ All night ♪ - ♪ With David Van Driessen ♪

♪ Hold tight ♪

♪ 'Cause David Van Driessen's ♪

♪ Gonna make things out of sight ♪

"Swipe Right with David Van Driessen":

the dating adventures of Highland's

most eligible vegan bachelor.

This tofu is really--

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Oh, yeah.

Mention my name. You'll get a good seat.

Uh-huh.

♪ Swipe right with David Van Driessen tonight ♪