Original subtitles

Magnet fishing kicks ass.

Yeah.

Now, pull up something good this time, dumbass,

like a rusty gun or, like, gold.

Whoa!

Whoa, Butt-Head.

I got something big.

Ahh!

Augh!

Butt-Head, it's crushing my--

my ribs.

Stop fooling around with the magnet, dumbass.

We're trying to make some money here.

Guh!

Uh! Uh!

It's stuck to my pacemaker.

Whoa, cool.

I don't feel so good.

What's a pacemaker even do anyway?

Where am I?

All I can see is a dot.

Ugh.

Come on.

Quit hogging the magnet.

Whoa.

Whoa, I got something good, Butt-Head.

Whoa!

Whoa, check it out, Butt-Head.

This is my bike from when I was a kid!

It was a present from my mom's new boyfriend

so I wouldn't tell her about his other family.

Yeah.

Here's where I scratched my name on the paint.

See?

Beavis.

You liked it too, remember?

It sucks.

You're just jealous because I got a present.

No, I'm not.

I'm, like, happy for you or something.

And then one day, someone stole it.

Someday I'm going to find out who it was.

And I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life

to kicking their ass.

Yeah.

Beavis, I have something I need to tell you.

Yeah?

What is it?

It was Stewart.

Stewart.

♪ Can we go back to how it was ♪

♪ Before my pride got ♪

What's going on with this girl?

She looks kind of weird.

Uh, that's not a girl.

It's Kid Laroi.

No, I mean the other girl.

The blonde one, you know?

Something's, uh-- something's going on.

Uh, I think, like, this is LA.

And they say, like, people in LA are all plastic.

They get their faces shot full of brobloxin.

It works, though, because I bet she's, like, 50.

Whoa.

I think she's, like, not real.

Uh-- oh, yeah.

She's, like, a love doll.

Oh, really?

What do you mean?

Yeah, she's just, like, a life-sized doll.

And you can do whatever you want to her.

Whoa.

So you can do whatever you want?

Yep.

Wait, wait.

This is against the law, right?

No, I don't think so.

And how much does one of those things cost?

Uh, I don't know.

I think they're expensive.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Yep.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I could, like, make one.

What are these things made of?

Uh, I don't know--

plastic or something?

Yeah, yeah!

We could, like, get a bunch of plastic and melt it all down

and make one of those things.

It can't be that hard.

Uh, it seems pretty hard.

You've gotta, like, mold a bunch of plastic

into something that looks like a chick.

It doesn't need to look that much like a chick.

In fact, for what I have in mind,

it doesn't need to look like a chick at all.

All we got to do is, uh--

well, let me see.

All it really needs is one thing.

Get this here.

OK.

Yeah, see, we got all these plastic bottles.

I knew there was a reason we didn't recycle.

Yeah.

Where'd you put the scissors, Butt-Head?

Uh, I don't know.

Get these.

A drill maybe.

Drill.

Beavis, if you're going to put a hole in this couch,

I'm kicking your ass.

Oh.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, I'll think of something else.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the microwave.

Yeah, check this out.

Uh, Beavis?

It smells like plastic's burning.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it is.

It's melting.

Check it out.

Fire! Fire!

I'm just gonna take this.

Just set this here.

Let me get my pants.

Now, just, uh-- just shape it to my schlong, see?

Come to papa.

Ahh!

Dumbass.

Ow.

Ah!

God damn it.

There's Stewart's house.

Goddamn dirty butthole.

Stupid son of a bitch.

Stole my bike.

That's right.

He sure did.

When he opens this door, you should kick his ass.

Beavis and Butt-Head?

You finally came over to visit.

Damn you, Stewart!

I'm going to kick your ass because you stole--

You want to come in for a beer?

A beer? Yeah, OK.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

Sure, yeah.

Beer would hit the spot, yeah.

This is what it's all about, right?

Mmm.

Beers with your best friends from high school.

I mean, I'm not a big drinker, but Kaitlyn made some

of her famous cucumber water.

Are there any more beers?

No, uh, sorry, guys.

I think that's it.

That's enough, Stewart!

There's a time in a man's life when he's

not going to take it anymore!

So today, I'm going to kick your fat ass--

This is just like old times.

Let's get some pizza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, pizza sounds cool.

Yeah. OK, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buy us some pizza.

Man, we had some good times.

Hey, remember when you locked me in the closet

and forgot I was in there?

You guys, always giving me the business--

Shut up, butthole!

It's finally time to kick your ass--

Oh, Kaitlyn's home from the pool.

OK, yeah, let's check out what your wife looks

like in a bathing suit.

That'd be cool. Yeah.

Ooh, good idea.

Kaitlyn, honey, look who finally came over to visit me.

Oh, you must be Beavis and Butt-Head, Stewart's friends.

Stewart's told me so much about how you were the three amigos.

You know he talks about you constantly?

So, what brings you by?

Um, wait, why would we ever come here?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Stewart, you stole my bike.

This bike?

That's right, butthole.

Yeah.

Kick his ass.

Oh, no, you're misremembering.

That's not what happened.

Check out Beavis's bike.

I'm going to throw it in the river.

But that's friendship, huh?

People giving you the business.

Damn it!

I'm gonna kill you, Butt-Head.

Ahh!

Damn it, Beavis, I'm gonna stick that

up your butt sideways.

You like that, damn son of a bitch?

I've hated you for 30 years!

I'm gonna kill you! Ahh!

- Damn it, Beavis. - Ahh!

Don't worry, Kaitlyn.

I'll kick--

Guys, do you want some mini quiches?

Kaitlyn made them for her book club,

but you can have them if you want.

What? Huh?

Oh, no, no.

No, I'm stuffed.

We ate a bunch of those little cheese pies in the fridge.

Yeah.

They sucked.

- Ahh! - Ugh!

Guys?

Hey, guys.

Honey, I'm trying.

Damn it.

Uh, sorry about that.

Do you have any more beer?

Is it OK if I sit in the back with Beavis and--

No.

Thank you, Stewart's wife.

Drive through.

Listen, Kaitlyn and I are really upset about the--

mostly great hang, guys.

Maybe next time at your place.

Uh, no.

Classic.

You guys.

Stewart sucks.

Yeah, really.

Hey, Butt-Head, I think

we got enough coins out of the river to get the bike fixed.

Uh, that means it's enough money to buy beer

with, dumbass.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, beer rules.

You're a good friend, Butt-Head.

You're damn right.

Chirp.