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1
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,081
Oh...
2
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,051
Aha.
3
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,258
(squeaking)
4
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,199
(sighs)
5
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,838
(engine knocking)
6
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,608
Hal, could you replace
that light bulb in the kitchen?
7
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,444
What does it look like
I'm doing?!
8
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,216
* Yes, no, maybe
9
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,751
* I don't know
10
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:54,021
* Can you repeat the question?
11
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,290
* You're not the boss
of me now *
12
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,692
* You're not
the boss of me now *
13
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,095
* You're not the boss
of me now *
14
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,131
* And you're not so big
15
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,633
* You're not the boss
of me now *
16
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,635
* You're not
the boss of me now *
17
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,204
* You're not the boss
of me now *
18
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,973
* And you're not so big
19
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:17,345
* Life is unfair.
20
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,151
Here we are, Bernard.
21
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,085
This is my cage.
22
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:29,089
Are you serious?
23
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,658
Mom, Dad...
24
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,759
This is Bernard.
25
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,294
He's the hamster
from my class.
26
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,729
Remember? It's my weekend
to take care of him.
27
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,798
Dewey, please.
This isn't a good time.
28
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:40,301
I just want you to see how good
I could be at taking care him.
29
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,603
Just like how good I would be
at taking care of a dog.
30
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,971
I don't know
31
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,773
if I mentioned
that all the other kids
32
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,508
in the neighborhood have dogs.
33
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,810
Honey, your father and I
need to talk.
34
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,613
I saw a nice one
at the pet store.
35
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,448
He's half Great Dane
and something else.
36
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:55,616
I could name him Jeff and...
37
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,285
Go play in your room!
38
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,686
Okay.
39
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,026
I'll put your cage right here,
Bernard.
40
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:09,830
Sorry I talked about wanting
a dog in front of you.
41
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,333
Is your brain big enough
to get your feelings hurt?
42
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,101
Me neither.
43
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,704
But don't worry, I'll still
take really good care of you.
44
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,508
Bernard?
45
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,551
(squeaking)
46
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,692
But, Hal, I thought you were
just getting a routine check-up.
47
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,961
That's when they usually
find these things.
48
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,396
Can't they
do anything?
49
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,832
No, not until they get
the biopsy back.
50
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,070
There you are.
51
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,641
You can't call
that a shortcut!
52
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,543
A shortcut has
to be shorter!
53
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,910
REESE:
Says who?
54
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,679
Says the word!
55
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,215
No, a shortcut is just when
you don't use regular streets.
56
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,483
So, according to you,
57
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,151
if it took 150 years
to cross the street,
58
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,854
just as long as you went
through some bushes and trees,
59
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,322
that would qualify
as a shortcut?
60
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,258
God, you hate being wrong.
61
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,859
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
62
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:14,862
What is wrong
with you?!
63
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,096
Look at that floor!
64
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,498
Oh, sorry.
65
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,267
How many times
have I told you
66
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,068
don't track mud
into this house?!
67
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,169
We'll clean it up.
68
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,170
That's not good enough!
69
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,372
You're grounded
for a week!
70
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,706
What?!
You can't do that.
71
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,107
It's just some
stupid footprints.
72
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,609
You want to be
grounded for two weeks?
73
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,543
Dad?
74
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,711
You heard your mother!
75
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:31,679
This is ridiculous!
76
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:32,913
You're being totally unfair!
77
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,848
Just because Malcolm
got mud on his shoes
78
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,884
and thoughtlessly
tracked it through the house
79
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,586
doesn't mean he should
be grounded.
80
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,988
Go to your room. Now!
81
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,692
What is her problem?
82
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,460
Mom and Dad--
their lives are so boring
83
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,896
they have to invent
stuff to be upset about.
84
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,537
Are you the biggest idiot
to ever walk this Earth?
85
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,938
Good morning.
86
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,274
What'd I tell you
to do, jackass?
87
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,743
To paint the kitchen.
Which I'm doing.
88
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,446
What kind of a moron
paints a kitchen white?
89
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,448
You want to see
all the dirt?
90
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,249
What do they teach you
in college, anyway?
91
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,952
For your information,
I'm a high school dropout.
92
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,121
And I used the paint
that you set out for me.
93
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,389
I moved that paint
94
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,790
so you could get
to the green, idiot.
95
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,291
Now, you're going
to do this over.
96
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:20,428
I don't care if you're
here all night doing it.
97
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,162
What?!
That paint you wasted
98
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,798
is coming out of your pay.
99
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,166
Maybe I should
100
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,436
just paint it the same color
as your dye job.
101
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,107
What?
102
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,476
He didn't say anything.
103
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,578
I said...
104
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:41,281
maybe I should just paint it
the same color as your dye job,
105
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,584
you sagging, leathery,
hatchet-faced,
106
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,619
dried-up old hag.
107
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,821
All right, college boy,
108
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,457
you want it, you got it.
109
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,291
I'm going to kick your ass.
110
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,292
Excuse me?
111
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,627
I'm kicking your ass.
112
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,029
You don't ever
disrespect me like that.
113
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,465
Francis, what
are you doing?
114
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,699
You can't challenge
Lavernia to a fight.
115
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,967
I didn't
challenge anybody.
116
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,436
Hey, Lavernia's fighting
college boy!
117
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,437
(men shouting)
118
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:04,638
MAN:
We got an opening
119
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,440
Sunday at 2:00
before Mass.
120
00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,710
Sunday, 2:00--
your ass, my foot.
121
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,011
This is insane.
122
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,312
There's no way
I'm going to fight a woman.
123
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,682
If I don't mind,
why should you?
124
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,517
(men oohing, laughing)
125
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,352
Did you see
what she did there?
126
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,388
She as much as
called him a woman.
127
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,155
It's going to be
a bloodbath.
128
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,525
(men laughing, cheering)
129
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,032
(squeaking)
130
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:43,744
Yeah, you're right, Dewey.
131
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,847
When was the last time
we played ball?
132
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,582
I don't know.
133
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,018
Sometimes life just
gets away from you
134
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:54,021
and you forget the things
that are really important.
135
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,458
(yelling)
136
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,326
This is crazy.
137
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,028
I have enough
on my mind
138
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,397
without worrying about you
boys and your shenanigans.
139
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,533
But, Mom...
You and your brother
are not to leave this room.
140
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,701
I don't want to see you,
I don't want to hear you,
141
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,871
I don't want to so much
as sense your presence...
142
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,006
For crying out loud, Reese!
143
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,175
There's a mirror
right there!
144
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:19,379
Believe me, I am going
to watch that door like a hawk.
145
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,117
What's her problem?
146
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,753
This can't just
be about the mud.
147
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,220
There's something
else going on.
148
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,889
What have you
done lately?
149
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,391
The Richardsons' fire,
the Blodgets' windshield,
150
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,461
the Sampsons' fire,
the Jacksons' fire.
151
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,362
Nothing she knows about.
152
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,130
This sucks.
153
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:41,201
Well, if you can't do the time,
then don't do the crime.
154
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,736
See you Monday.
155
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,037
Hey, moron.
156
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,773
Do you know
what tomorrow night is?
157
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,140
Christine Maxton's party.
158
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,109
What? That's this weekend?
159
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,044
Yeah, and her sister Gina's
bringing all their friends
160
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,112
from Catholic school.
161
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,113
I love those girls.
162
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,147
I hear they tongue kiss
163
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,415
whether they like you or not.
164
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,917
It's like
shaking hands to them.
165
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,752
It's some kind
of cultural thing.
166
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,320
We have to go.
167
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:04,424
Reese, if I show you a way
we can go to the party,
168
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,960
do you promise never
to let anyone find out,
169
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,729
even though
you're an idiot?
170
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:09,730
I swear.
171
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,465
Okay.
172
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,136
I was saving this
for a life-or-death emergency.
173
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,306
Or a really, really good party.
174
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,808
Tell me!
175
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,749
No way. I'm not
hitting Mom with that.
176
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,985
Reese, tomorrow night, after
everyone's gone to bed,
177
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,353
we take out the floorboard
178
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,455
and sneak outside
through the crawl space.
179
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,992
Wow. Tunneling out
of our own room.
180
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,161
She can't
lock us in anymore.
181
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,596
Mom's powerless.
182
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,865
Yeah, now she's just
a crazy old lady
183
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,634
we happen to live with.
184
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,357
Thanks, Dewey!
185
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,696
There's Dewey.
Let's hurt him, fellow idiot.
186
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,331
Yes, I hate him for
his handsomeness.
187
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,219
Hi, Dewey.
188
00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:40,520
Hi, Lance.
189
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,222
Well, what do you know.
190
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,323
It's Bernard.
191
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,357
Let me see him.
192
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,659
You can't have him.
193
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,695
That's all right,
I can wait.
194
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,163
Next week is
my turn to have him.
195
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,934
We're going to have
a lot of fun.
196
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,239
You cannot keep the hamster.
197
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,708
He belongs to the class.
198
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,910
But he won't be safe.
Dewey, I know you take
199
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,778
good care of him, but
you have to share him
200
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,879
with your friends.
201
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,380
Lance is not my friend.
202
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,517
He tore Billy's shirt off
after school, and...
203
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,052
(phone ringing)
204
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,122
Hello! Yes, this is he!
205
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,024
He killed a frog
and brought it
206
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,525
to school and showed everybody.
207
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,027
Dewey, I said no!
208
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,129
Do you want to be grounded
like your brothers?
209
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,564
No.
210
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,969
Man, I've never seen Lavernia
this worked up for a fight.
211
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,437
You mean she's done this before?
212
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,239
In the two months
I've been here,
213
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,041
she's fought five guys.
Consider yourself lucky
214
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,408
you got some warning.
215
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,245
You know Big Don
from accounting?
216
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,379
The guy with one ear?
217
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,081
Yeah. He was going to the privy,
218
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,617
and she dropped on him
just like a spider.
219
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,218
What is wrong with her?!
220
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,320
We were just having
a stupid little argument.
221
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,289
How did it suddenly
turn into a fight?
222
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,891
That's how we
settle things up there.
223
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,126
There are three other fights
scheduled for tomorrow.
224
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,594
Four.
225
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,297
Ned cut in front of Daryl
at the mess line.
226
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,598
Well, I hate
to disappoint you guys,
227
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,133
but I'm not fighting Lavernia.
228
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,735
Really?
229
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:02,936
Are you sure?
230
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,072
No, no, he'll fight her.
231
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,774
No, I won't.
232
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,475
Thank you!
233
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,477
Hey, fellas, looks like
234
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,445
we're going to have us
a coward's cotillion!
235
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,681
(men cheering)
236
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,748
I'll get the dogs ready.
237
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,249
I'll sharpen
the pig-sticker.
238
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,318
Wait-wait-wait.
What are you talking about?
239
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:21,088
Look, fighting's the only
entertainment we get up here.
240
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,489
You've seen our TV reception.
241
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,325
So if somebody cheats
the boys out of a fight,
242
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,327
they have a
coward's cotillion.
243
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,596
What the hell
is a coward's cotillion?!
244
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,431
Oh, it's always
a little different.
245
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,266
You never know
what kind of animal
246
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,002
the blood's going to attract.
247
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,370
So my choices are,
I have to fight a woman
248
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,472
or do this stupid
cotillion thing?
249
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:40,708
Well...
250
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:45,545
there's always
the howdy stranger.
251
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,219
(squeaking)
252
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,806
How can they make us
wait another 24 hours?
253
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,208
Apparently they're
shorthanded at the lab.
254
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:18,011
Don't they realize
this is someone's life?
255
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,818
Don't worry, Bernard.
256
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,386
This is for the best.
257
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,587
I'm setting you free.
258
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,856
You won't have to worry
259
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,191
about anyone being mean
to you anymore.
260
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,763
Come on, Bernard, run.
261
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,697
Run like the wind.
262
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,238
You have to do this, Bernard.
263
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:48,175
It's for your own good.
264
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,377
I'll be okay.
265
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,518
Go on.
266
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,587
I don't want you anymore.
267
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,955
I don't like you.
268
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,091
I never did.
269
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,427
Go on.
270
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,430
Go on, you dumb old hamster.
271
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,572
Bye, Bernard.
272
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:31,584
Booby-trapped?
273
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,553
A broom handle
tied to a string of tin cans.
274
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,788
A classic.
275
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,589
You know,
if Mom ever trusted us,
276
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,892
I think she'd be
pleasantly surprised.
277
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,761
Yeah, we're basically good kids.
278
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,296
She's so unreasonable.
279
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,066
You almost ready?
280
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,167
Just a sec.
281
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,369
Will you come on?
282
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,882
Remember, if anyone asks,
I'm a junior in college.
283
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:07,654
(faint pounding)
284
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,665
(grunting)
285
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,026
My boys.
286
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,568
You don't know
how lucky you are.
287
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,904
Everything is new.
288
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,805
Everything is open to you.
289
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,741
Please don't ever
take that for granted.
290
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:05,012
Make every moment
the best you possibly can.
291
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,350
God, I am so proud
of all of you.
292
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,455
You kids are the best thing
I've ever done.
293
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,527
You'll never know
how much I love you.
294
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,199
Maybe you're not supposed to.
295
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,406
Sleep well, my little angels.
296
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,607
(shrieking)
297
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,677
(screaming)
298
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,112
(shrieking)
299
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,416
This was amazing.
300
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,352
I made out
with a sophomore.
301
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,420
I am so far
ahead of schedule.
302
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,190
Did you see the TV set fly
off the roof into the pool?
303
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,392
That was me.
304
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:59,632
Man, I hope we get
grounded next weekend.
305
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:06,940
(boys screaming)
306
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,746
How dare you?!
307
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,382
How dare you defy us like that?!
308
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,450
Well, we wouldn't have
had to if you hadn't been
309
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,286
ridiculously hard over a
little mud on the floor!
310
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,554
You two
are the most ungrateful,
311
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,791
badly-behaved,
inconsiderate boys ever born!
312
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,994
How could you
be so heartless?!
313
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,129
What is heartless
about going to a party
314
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,763
with a bunch
of slutty girls?
315
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,764
Be cool.
316
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,566
You were at a party?
317
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,335
While we were
here worrying?!
318
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,570
Can I have a napkin?
319
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,772
I cannot believe you two!
320
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,608
All right, that's it!
321
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:44,844
You are grounded for the rest
of the school year!
322
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:45,845
You can't do that!
323
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,347
You're crazy!
324
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,782
You do not talk to your
mother that way ever!
325
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,751
You will show her
nothing but the love
326
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,155
and respect she deserves,
whether I am here or not!
327
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,356
This family sucks!
328
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,258
You are ruining our lives!
329
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,892
I wish you were dead!
330
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,469
What was that
all about?
331
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,937
I don't know.
332
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,474
She usually just says,
"I'm taking you with me."
333
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,846
Lavernia, I want
to tell you something.
334
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,314
We'll talk at 2:00.
335
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,616
No, I'm going to tell you
this right now.
336
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,651
I hate your guts.
337
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,519
You are the most horrible person
338
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,987
I have ever met.
339
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,723
You are mean, sadistic,
twisted and spiteful.
340
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,525
And I owe you an apology.
341
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:34,894
Because what I said to you
342
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,329
didn't have anything
to do with that;
343
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,031
it was just a cheap shot
about your looks
344
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,533
and you don't deserve that--
no one deserves that.
345
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:44,003
You're right.
346
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,872
Thank you.
347
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,075
What the hell are we
doing this for, anyway?
348
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,009
This isn't going
to solve anything.
349
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:53,080
We're just putting on a show
for bunch of slack-jawed idiots.
350
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,382
I don't know if you think you
have to prove something to them
351
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,983
because you're a woman,
but you don't.
352
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,718
You came up here
all alone
353
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,653
and you built
a successful business
354
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,021
in this god-awful place.
355
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,656
You have accomplished plenty.
356
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,825
Oh, my God.
357
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,560
You're coming on to me.
358
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,761
What?
359
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,097
Well, you better
peddle your sugar
360
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,499
to somebody else, 'cause
this bee ain't buying.
361
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,599
What?!
362
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,068
The last thing I need
363
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,569
is some young punk
frolicking in my nethers.
364
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,439
You don't listen to...
365
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,340
I try to talk to you...
366
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,276
Ew!
367
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,114
Do you hear anything?
368
00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:28,581
Mom's still crying.
369
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,517
Did she ever
go to sleep?
370
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,686
Around 3:00, she went from
sobbing to a quiet whimper.
371
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,389
I'm telling you, she's just
trying to psych us out.
372
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,390
I don't think so.
373
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,192
I mean,
when was the last time
374
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,094
you heard Dad yell
and Mom cry?
375
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,362
You're right.
376
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,297
Something really
weird is going on.
377
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,766
They've been
whispering a lot, too.
378
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,501
I just figured it out.
379
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:53,373
Oh, no... oh, no!
380
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,741
(crowd cheering)
381
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,277
(grunts)
382
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,811
Come on. Come on.
383
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,413
Big hit. Big hit.
Oh, come on.
384
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,984
(crowd cheering)
385
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,753
(laughs)
I've never seen
her like this.
386
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,954
What do you expect?
387
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,556
The boy tried
to jump in bed with her
388
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,324
without so much
as a "howdy-do."
389
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,393
Dude, she's killing you.
390
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,427
Do something.
391
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,796
I will not hit a woman.
392
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,930
Well, then here, take this.
393
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,566
What is it?
Screwdriver.
394
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,833
Jab and twist.
395
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,835
I'm not using a screw...
396
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,271
(yelling)
397
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,510
Fight... back.
398
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,644
Fight...
399
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,413
back!
400
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,014
Lavernia, ease up on the boy.
401
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,816
His only crime was loving you.
402
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:37,917
(whimpers)
403
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,152
You disgust me.
404
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,621
You better run
home to mama
405
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:42,855
so she can kiss your tears away
406
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,024
and make you cocoa
and tell you...
407
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,326
(crowd cheering)
408
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,495
For your information,
409
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,630
my mother's a tormenting
control freak,
410
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,800
and it would never even
occur to her to make me cocoa.
411
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,015
You're going down,
college boy.
412
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,718
Bring it on, you toad.
413
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,235
(both grunt)
414
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,526
(crowd cheering)
415
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,094
Ed, Daryl, you're up.
416
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,764
Somebody help me
clear this floor.
417
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,906
(sighs)
418
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,576
All right, I'll get the camera.
419
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,015
Remember,
if anyone at school asks,
420
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,517
you're name's Bernard.
421
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,887
You like carrots
and having your tummy scratched.
422
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:24,357
HAL:
Well, I need to know.
423
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:26,058
No. We have been
waiting for hours.
424
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,695
Now, please...
425
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,697
Negative?! Negative!
426
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,932
That's the good one, right?
427
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,768
Yes! Thank you. Oh, God.
428
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:44,577
If Mom does a load of blankets,
I'll bring you a friend.
429
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,615
Mom, Dad,
we have something to say.
430
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:51,951
We know why you've been
crying so much lately.
431
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,953
You don't have to
protect us from this.
432
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,255
We think getting a
divorce is a great idea.
433
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,391
What?
You don't
have to stay
434
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,892
together for us--
we've known for years
435
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:00,893
your marriage was a sham.
436
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,094
REESE:
I mean, clearly
437
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:03,963
your relationship
isn't working.
438
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,333
Mom, you need someone who's
going to control you better.
439
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,800
And Dad needs
someone younger.
440
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,636
MALCOLM: You both
deserve some happiness.
441
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,938
In fact, I think
we all do.
442
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,272
Amen to that.
443
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,508
So I guess we
should be going
444
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,909
to a motel with
Dad or something?
445
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:17,977
Our bags are packed.
446
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,111
And don't worry, Mom,
447
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,580
you'll still be
part of our lives.
448
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:21,981
We'll see you
every other weekend,
449
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,983
and feel free
to call us anytime.
450
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:30,357
We've already discussed it.
451
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,925
I get full custody.
29158
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