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1
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:04,638
Come on!
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,408
You said I could play.
3
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,015
You have to go
down there again.
4
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,484
No.
5
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,319
Come on, you're the
only one that'll fit.
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,220
No.
7
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:20,388
I always go get it
8
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,256
and you never
let me play.
9
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,491
We'll let you play.
10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,093
We promise.
11
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,232
Come on, throw it here.
12
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,232
You promised.
13
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,234
No way.
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,735
You promised.
15
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,770
The first 50 times he got it,
it was funny.
16
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,072
Then it was just sad.
17
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,907
It's not fair!
18
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,175
It's my turn!
19
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,711
Now it's funny again.
20
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,416
* Yes, no, maybe
21
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,951
* I don't know
22
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:54,288
* Can you repeat the question?
23
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,590
* You're not the boss
of me now *
24
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,227
* You're not
the boss of me now *
25
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,429
* You're not the boss
of me now *
26
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,464
* And you're not so big
27
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,966
* You're not the boss
of me now *
28
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,236
* You're not
the boss of me now *
29
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,471
* You're not the boss
of me now *
30
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,274
* And you're not so big
31
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:17,445
* Life is unfair.
32
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,785
Dad, Francis has to go
back to school tomorrow.
33
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,787
Can't we at least
watch what he wants?
34
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,256
This is educational.
35
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,125
It's a celebration
of the human spirit.
36
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,793
It shows we can
always find
37
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:33,894
a way to persevere
38
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,663
no matter how many times
we're defeated.
39
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:36,997
(cartoon music and explosion)
40
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,732
No, don't put on
the rocket skates.
41
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,134
Hal, can I see you
in the bedroom?
42
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:41,635
Yeah, yeah, just a second,
honey, the coyote...
43
00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:42,836
Hal.
44
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,310
All right,
who did what now?
45
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,645
You did.
I'm two weeks late.
46
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,947
What?
47
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,816
No.
Yes.
48
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,252
Wait... no.
No, you can't be.
49
00:01:58,286 --> 00:01:59,253
You can't be.
50
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,654
We've been
very careful.
51
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,590
How can you let
this happen?
52
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,625
How could I let this happen?!
53
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,360
You're kidding, right?
54
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,162
I'm just saying,
you're the woman.
55
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,497
What is that supposed to mean?
56
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,633
You know that I can't
be trusted with these things.
57
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,436
I mean, you're the gatekeeper!
58
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,272
LOIS: That is the stupidest
thing you have ever said!
59
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,240
HAL:
Not even close!
60
00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:21,675
How long does it take
to get me a soda, Dewey?
61
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,344
Mom and Dad are fighting.
62
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,612
Really?
63
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,679
Well, don't
worry, chief.
64
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,947
Everything will be fine.
65
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,349
Trust me.
66
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:30,851
You know what will
take your mind off it?
67
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,187
Making me a sandwich.
68
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,489
HAL: I'm sorry. It's just
that this is upsetting.
69
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,358
LOIS: Well, it's upsetting
for me, too.
70
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,460
You cannot
be pregnant.
71
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,994
We're not ready
for this.
72
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,964
When have we ever been
ready for this, Hal?
73
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,866
(loud groans)
74
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,205
Okay, go ahead.
75
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,806
The blessed state
of matrimony
76
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,907
is a sacred place...
77
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,709
(groaning):
Oh, God!
78
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,645
Maybe we should get
you to the hospital.
79
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:01,415
No! I will not have our baby
born out of wedlock!
80
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,251
I don't understand why
all of a sudden
81
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,552
you're so
hung up on this.
82
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:05,853
Up until last week
83
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,121
a marriage certificate
was just a piece of paper.
84
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,159
I changed my mind!
85
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:16,297
(choking):
And it made me the
happiest man in the world.
86
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:18,899
(laughing)
87
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,334
Welcome home, Francis.
88
00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,168
Yeah.
89
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,203
This place is beautiful.
90
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,238
Oh, thanks.
91
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,706
I can't take any
credit for it.
92
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:26,940
The decorator
did everything.
93
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,208
Let's see...
94
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,410
Oh, look, just
keep the change.
95
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:30,511
One second.
96
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,346
One second.
97
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,881
I forgot something.
98
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,249
I am so rattled.
99
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,950
There...
100
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,185
Have a cigar.
It's Cuban.
101
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,453
Thanks.
You're welcome.
102
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,358
Wow!
103
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,193
Hey, Mommy.
104
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,695
(both laughing)
105
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,963
Hal, we have a baby.
106
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,965
Yes, we do.
107
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,070
The baby.
108
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,141
Fragile...
109
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,209
helpless...
110
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,711
little baby.
111
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,712
He's beautiful.
112
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,314
Oh, we're so lucky,
aren't we, Hal?
113
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,382
Huh? Yeah. Lucky.
114
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,750
You think we're going
to be good parents?
115
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,118
You kidding? The best.
116
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,986
Do you think it's going
to change our relationship?
117
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,755
Our what?
118
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,089
No. No.
119
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,425
'Cause we get along so well now,
120
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,260
and everybody says a baby
really changes things.
121
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,597
Oh, I better feed him.
122
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,832
Why?
123
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,635
Frankly, I think
he's getting kind of fat.
124
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,937
Hal, the nurse said I should
feed him every four hours.
125
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,839
Yeah, well, did you get
a look at the nurse?
126
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,476
Hal, where is the baby?
127
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,411
I don't know how
to say this exactly,
128
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,779
but I think the baby's...
129
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,080
(baby cries)
130
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,415
...in the closet!
131
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,850
(nervous laughter)
132
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,353
Whoo!
133
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,354
Here he is.
134
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,488
Perfectly safe.
135
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,257
You put the baby
in the closet?
136
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,026
You left the milk
out on the counter.
137
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,630
Come here, Francis.
138
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,705
I'm never going to let you
out of my sight again.
139
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,675
Hey, Mom, is it okay
if I have the...?
140
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:08,876
LOIS:
Go away!
141
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,511
All I'm saying is
that you were the one
142
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,613
who wore those
jeans with that rip
above the knee.
143
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,483
Hal, if I got rid of everything
that made you hot and bothered,
144
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,317
I'd be running around
with a handkerchief
145
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,520
and a baseball cap.
Stop it.
146
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,954
What do you want
from me?!
147
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,222
I'm only human.
148
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,025
Oh, please. The minute
you cross that threshold
149
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,828
into the bedroom,
you become more beast than man.
150
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,963
HAL:
Fine, everything
is my fault!
151
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:33,100
LOIS:
Oh, great. Here come
the waterworks.
152
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,036
Stupid bug.
153
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,038
What's wrong with Mom and Dad?
154
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,039
Aw, just wait.
155
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,074
In an hour they'll be
all lovey-dovey.
156
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,176
It's disgusting.
157
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,513
Stupid bug.
158
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,583
Ow!
159
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:50,884
You stupid...
160
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,654
Ow! Ow!
161
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,656
Ow! Ow!
162
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,025
God, Reese, give it a rest.
163
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,327
Okay, Francis is down
for his nap.
164
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,829
I emptied the dishwasher,
165
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,564
put another load
in the laundry.
166
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,666
Didn't have time
to scrape the pudding
167
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,000
out of your hair dryer.
168
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,235
Maybe tomorrow.
169
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,470
Bye.
170
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,007
(yells)
171
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,108
When will you be home?
172
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,511
I don't know--
5:00, 6:00... 9:00...
173
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:18,779
Did you say 9:00?
174
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,681
Honey, I canceled
another appointment
175
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,749
to come home for lunch.
176
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,083
I have to get caught up.
177
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,518
Hal, this is ridiculous.
178
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,286
You're working 14-hour days.
179
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,856
This baby's trying
to beat me to death
from the inside
180
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,357
and Francis
is out of control.
181
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,760
Something has got to change.
182
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,027
Okay, I'll talk to my boss.
183
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,262
Yeah, you said
that before.
184
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,030
Well, yes, and then
the Collins account
185
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,031
was dumped into my lap.
186
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,299
It wasn't a good time.
187
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,434
Now is better.
188
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,302
Okay?
189
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,904
Love you.
190
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,881
Marty, I have been
the leader in sales
191
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,083
for this company
for five years running.
192
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,785
No one has ever
done that before.
193
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,052
And all
I'm asking
194
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,321
is to cut back
on my hours just
a little tiny bit
195
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,956
so I can help out at home.
196
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,592
You have kids.
You know how it is.
197
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,293
Absolutely, Hal.
198
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:09,463
Don't worry, we'll find
a way to make this work.
199
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:13,767
Hey, Hal.
200
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,803
Hey, Phil.
201
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,511
(phone ringing)
202
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,146
Hal... and Supplies.
203
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,649
What?
204
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,618
I trained that guy.
205
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,953
I gave him
half the names
in his Rolodex.
206
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,523
And you know what
he said to me
this morning?
207
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:36,790
"We need more toner."
208
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,992
And he didn't even
need toner!
209
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,327
Ow!
210
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:41,995
Another contraction?
211
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,431
No! He's kicking me
in between contractions.
212
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,033
What the hell
is with this kid?
213
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:46,867
Well, are we
214
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:47,901
having fun yet?
215
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,171
Okay, let's take a look
in the oven.
216
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:52,506
Ow!
217
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,874
God!
218
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,008
How far along am I?
219
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,210
'Cause I swear to God,
he's biting my kidney.
220
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,779
You're only
two centimeters dilated.
221
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,948
I think you've got
four or five hours at least.
222
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,650
No.
223
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,152
Honey, the doctor...
No! He is coming out now!
224
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,520
I have had it with this!
225
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,657
You are coming out
right now, mister!
226
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,494
Ah, ah, ah, what
are you doing?
227
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,897
It's not time to push.
228
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,499
You're just going
to prolong your labor.
229
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,469
Oh, great.
Make it a challenge.
230
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,705
Lady, you're just going
to tire yourself out,
231
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,506
and when it comes
time to really push,
232
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,342
you're going
to be exhausted.
233
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,645
Look, all I'm saying is, she can
try to force this all she wants.
234
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:32,813
It's just not going to...
235
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,347
Oh, my God! Nurse!
236
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,150
(panting)
237
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,652
Okay, honey, you're doing
great, you're doing great.
238
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:40,754
Just remember to breathe.
239
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,756
Hal... God, do you think
we're really ready
240
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:43,857
for a second baby?
241
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,826
We're going to have
twice as many kids
242
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:46,894
and half the money.
243
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,762
What's it going
to do to us?
244
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,397
We-We'll, we'll find a way.
245
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,066
You know, we love
each other.
246
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,568
We-We'll adjust.
247
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,569
We'll make it work.
248
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,071
I mean, they're just kids.
249
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,372
Here he comes.
250
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,708
Ow!
251
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,644
My God, he kicked
me in the nose.
252
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,814
We'll be fine.
253
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,556
What took you so long?
254
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,925
I couldn't very well go
to the Lucky Aide
255
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,092
where you work,
now, could I?
256
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,628
Oh, what, so you drove
clear across town?
257
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,095
Yes, you want to go
over the route I took
258
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,597
so you can
criticize that, too?
259
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:24,798
Damn. Who's in there?
260
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,399
FRANCIS:
I'm busy.
261
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,400
Backyard.
262
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,269
Are you out of your mind?
263
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,772
Let's go-- I'll let you
choose the most direct route.
264
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,577
Are Mom and Dad
getting a divorce?
265
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,713
What are you
talking about?
266
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,549
They're really
mad at each other.
267
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,751
Don't worry about it.
268
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,218
Everything will be fine.
269
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,419
How do you know?
270
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,255
Look, it used
to scare me, too
271
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,423
but they just have a way
of working things out.
272
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:51,491
How?
273
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:52,926
I don't know,
they just do.
274
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,728
But how?
275
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,930
How do I say this
so you'll understand?
276
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,632
Shut up.
277
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,006
Ha, ha!
278
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,841
Does Reese want the bear?
279
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:11,344
Reese wants the bear,
Reese wants the bear.
280
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,781
This place is so much
smaller than the apartment.
281
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,015
So you keep reminding me.
282
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,349
What choice do
we have, Lois?
283
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,417
Yes,
it is smaller.
284
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,518
And cheaper.
285
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,654
That apartment was
no place to raise children.
286
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,522
There was nothing
there but museums
287
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,093
and nightclubs
and trendy restaurants...
288
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,028
Well, at least
we'll have
289
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,429
a yard to putter
around in, huh?
290
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,431
I can't wait to get
my hands on this lawn!
291
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,800
Ow!
292
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,035
Oh, okay, okay,
boys, enough playing.
293
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,837
It's time for Reese's lessons.
294
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,539
What'll it be today,
son, huh?
295
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:41,041
Russian literature?
296
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,510
Or should we brush up on
the circulatory system, hmm?
297
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,547
Circulatory system it is.
298
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,349
Yeah, great.
299
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,384
Just ignore the eight
months pregnant woman
300
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,286
carrying the boxes.
301
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,989
* Art! Mona Lisa
was by da Vinci *
302
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,325
* Science! The radio
was built by Marconi *
303
00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,459
* Math!
304
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,561
* Nine is the product
of three times three *
305
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,131
* Natural History! Darwin said
we all come from monkeys *
306
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,666
* But not
307
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,002
* Literally.
308
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,637
Hal, will you stop it!
309
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,372
Lois, we have
got to do this
310
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,341
35 minutes,
three times a day.
311
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,844
All Reese does is sit there.
312
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,345
He's a thinker, Lois.
313
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:21,648
He's an intensely focused,
peerless thinker.
314
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,183
He's absorbing information.
315
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,552
Studies show that
developing young minds
316
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,687
absorb information
at a phenomenal rate.
317
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,189
Hal, he's two years old.
318
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,357
He calls you "phone."
319
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,059
I don't know who
you think this
320
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,460
is helping,
but it's not Reese.
321
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,365
Oh, my God, he just hit
my trigeminal nerve!
322
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,267
(laughing)
323
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,435
We've been working on the
nervous system all morning.
324
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,372
Oh, Hal, will you come
down to reality
325
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,240
long enough
to help me unpack?
326
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:48,441
Lois, did it ever
327
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,543
cross your mind
that it might be nice
328
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,545
to support what I am doing here?
329
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,381
You know, that's
a good question.
330
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,783
What are you doing here?
331
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,084
Because I'll tell you
what you're not doing,
332
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,118
and that's helping!
333
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,753
You know, I think...
334
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,723
...that I should
go for a drive
335
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:05,658
before I say
something
I'll regret.
336
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,899
Phone go bye-bye!
337
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,302
Oh, honey...
338
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,304
Oh, sweetheart,
it's okay.
339
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:20,640
Mommy and Daddy
are just having a tough time.
340
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,976
(car door closes)
For the last few months.
341
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,812
(car engine starts)
But don't worry... Ow!
342
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,314
Oh, oh...
343
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,782
Oh, oh, no.
344
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,650
Oh, no, not now.
345
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,252
(tires screeching)
346
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,888
Hal!
347
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,423
Okay, we're going
on a little drive,
348
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,625
and Daddy will figure out
where we are eventually,
349
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,593
and we'll all be together
at the hospital.
350
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,163
I don't need
to go to the hospital.
351
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,264
No, honey, it's for me.
352
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,099
You're lying. You want to
give me a shot.
353
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,601
No, honey, that was last time,
and I already apologized.
354
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:49,602
Now get in the car!
355
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,071
* Mommy's a liar
356
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,772
* Mommy's a liar.
357
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,680
Francis, unlock the door.
358
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:01,614
Ha, ha!
359
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,116
Unlock the door
right now.
360
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,451
You're a liar!
361
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:05,518
You stay out!
362
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,619
Francis, please.
363
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,455
Mommy has to go
to the hospital.
364
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,957
Say you're sorry!
365
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,191
Open the door!
366
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,692
Say you're poopy!
367
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,028
I will not say I'm poopy!
368
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,663
Open that door!
369
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,133
I'm having a baby!
370
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,734
Congratulations!
371
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,883
What's going on?
372
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,951
Your wife just gave birth
on your front lawn.
373
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,953
Congratulations, I guess.
374
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,321
Oh, my Lord!
375
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,190
(stammering)
376
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,964
Want the rest
of my Slurpee?
377
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,233
Leave me alone, Hal.
378
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,402
Need any help?
379
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,237
Leave me alone, Hal.
380
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,338
Take this.
381
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,073
Couldn't spring for
the one-minute test.
382
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,308
This one takes five.
383
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,743
Four more minutes we get
to spend together, dear.
384
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,412
Don't take that tone with me.
385
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,314
I'm sorry, this is
the only tone I have.
386
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,983
It's my "I'm panicking
about our future" tone.
387
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,351
How can we afford this?
388
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,186
Have you even
thought about that?
389
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,188
No, I've just been enjoying
peeing in the yard so much,
390
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,556
I haven't thought
about anything!
391
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,091
Another snappy comeback!
392
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:19,492
That's very helpful!
393
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,928
I'm not being helpful?!
394
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,395
Let me give it
to you straight, Hal!
395
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,763
Why don't you
take that stick
396
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,032
and shove it up your...
397
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:30,938
(child yelling)
398
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,206
Reese, Reese,
please just sit here
399
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,108
for five minutes,
please, I'm begging you.
400
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,709
Play with this.
401
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,249
Malcolm, would you please
pick up your stuff?
402
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,716
And what is
a four-year-old
403
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,885
playing with
a microscope
for, anyway?
404
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,055
I see you still haven't
moved the microwave.
405
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,223
As I have pointed out
to you several times,
406
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,960
this is the only socket
in the kitchen that works.
407
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:53,961
Perhaps we could afford
408
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,562
the extravagance
of an extension cord!
409
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,564
We have extension cords,
410
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,132
but they're all being
used right now
411
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,968
to power the space heater
in the bedroom
412
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,235
because somebody gets chills.
413
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,137
Well, perhaps you'd
like to share your bed
414
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,373
with someone who
doesn't get chills.
415
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,475
(doorbell rings)
416
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,313
Hi, Lois.
417
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,982
What did he do this time?
418
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,583
He took a joyride
in a street cleaner.
419
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,651
Get in here.
Francis.
420
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,087
Here's the summons.
421
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,754
Your juvenile court date's
on the 12th,
422
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,323
and, well,
you know the drill.
423
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,691
Thank you, Officer.
424
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,795
They caught you
425
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,097
on a street cleaner?
426
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,598
What were you thinking?
427
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,100
That it went faster.
428
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,301
Go to your room.
429
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,835
Are you happy now?
430
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,338
Me? How is this my fault?
431
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,739
You are always
regaling him
432
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,274
with tales of
your wild youth.
433
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,610
Those are cautionary tales.
(glass shattering)
434
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,278
Cautionary tales
do not end with
435
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,280
"It was so cool."
Mom,
436
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,616
I think I broke
my chemistry set.
437
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,517
In a second, Malcolm.
438
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,651
All right,
do me a favor, Lois.
439
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,454
Make me a list of pre-approved
childhood memories
440
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,589
so I know what I can
and what I can't
441
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,824
share with the boys.
442
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:00,027
(muffled yelling)
443
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,628
Oh, for God's sake,
hold still.
444
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,031
Hal, that's not
going to work.
445
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,765
Just drive him
to the emergency room.
446
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,767
We do not need to go
to the emergency room. Ah.
447
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,502
Mom!
Hal, you're
forcing it
448
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,205
further in his mouth, and
he's going to choke to death!
449
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,473
For once will you stop
450
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,642
telling me how wrong I am?
451
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,777
And will you stop
telling me what to do?
452
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,346
(coughing)
453
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,780
What the...
454
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,882
I tried to make invisible ink,
455
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,052
but I think I made chlorine gas.
456
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,353
Come on, everybody out!
457
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,820
Out, out, out, out,
now, come on, out!
458
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:28,788
LOIS:
Go!
459
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,857
(all coughing)
460
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,195
Okay, we all here?
461
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,164
Okay, good.
We're fine.
462
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,966
We'll just let the
house air out, and...
463
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,135
(thunder cracks)
464
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,704
Rain, yay!
Yay!
465
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,144
Okay, let's hear it!
466
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:54,414
This has got to be
my fault somehow.
467
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,748
So go ahead.
468
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:56,983
Say it, come on!
469
00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:01,354
I'm the cause of all
that is bad in the universe!
470
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,757
Everything that I touch
turns to crap!
471
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:08,361
And now I bring you rain!
472
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,762
Oh, you'll feel better
473
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,031
once you get it
out in the open, Lois!
474
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,166
Come on!
475
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:17,770
I'm having the baby.
476
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:26,512
Oh, well, that's good
477
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:30,717
because the car keys
are inside the house.
478
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,052
So, I can either suffocate
479
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,521
by going back in there
to get them
480
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,623
or you can have another baby
out here on the lawn!
481
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,125
Try the azaleas!
482
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,992
Maybe they'll finally bloom!
483
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,729
(moaning)
484
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,565
(boys yelling)
485
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,243
We can't do this!
486
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,547
We are not having a baby
with us like this.
487
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,650
We have to figure out
a way to fix this.
488
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,585
Well, I guess I can get
a night job, and...
489
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,088
No, we have to figure out
a way to fix us.
490
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,324
And I don't mean just now
491
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,460
because we're always going
to have hard times.
492
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,628
We have to figure out a way
to get through this
493
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,929
without us killing
each other.
494
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,831
Well, I'm open to suggestions.
495
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,971
Okay, here's what
we're going to do.
496
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:28,975
You're going to tell me
three-- no, five-- no, seven!
497
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:33,980
I want you to tell me
seven things you love about me.
498
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:37,484
Seven reasons why
this is all worthwhile.
499
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:40,019
Seven reasons why
we're still here.
500
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,855
Seven?
501
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,192
Seven. And I have to
believe every one of them
502
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,126
and you have to say
them all right now.
503
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:47,994
Seven?
504
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:49,529
Oh, just please.
505
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:50,763
Just do it.
Okay, okay, okay.
506
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:51,864
Okay, okay, okay, uh...
507
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,534
I, I-I-I love,
508
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,970
I love how your neck
smells in the morning.
509
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,372
Okay.
510
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:01,007
That's one.
511
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,612
I love how every one
of your toes
512
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,814
looks like it came from
another person's foot.
513
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,516
Oh, God.
514
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,019
And-And-And I love how you're
honest and-and fearless
515
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:16,889
and, and how when I'm sick
you treat me like a baby.
516
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,560
Okay, that last one
counts for two.
517
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,195
You got three more to go.
518
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,763
Okay.
519
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,736
I can tell you
that I just adore this.
520
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,339
The way your forehead
gets all crinkly
521
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,073
when you're worried.
522
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:37,410
And I love the way you cut
your crust off your toast
523
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,412
even though you end up
eating both anyway.
524
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:43,583
I love your loyalty
and your kindness
525
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,652
and that you still
suck in your gut
526
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,254
whenever I walk
into the room.
527
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,355
(laughing)
528
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,856
I love how you
didn't dump me
529
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,591
when you found out that
I was in love with you.
530
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,160
I love that you
still married me
531
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,995
even after you
met my parents.
532
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,865
(laughing)
533
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,567
And I love that
nothing in my life--
534
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,103
not cribbage with my dad,
535
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:07,073
not a... a new
Van Halen album--
536
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,676
not even an old Van Halen
album, for that matter,
537
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,110
or any of their
solo albums...
538
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,345
Hal, Hal.
539
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,715
I love that nothing
in my life is complete
540
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,817
until I've shared
it with you.
541
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,388
(boys yelling)
542
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:36,769
I love how you send
the boys to their room
543
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:39,238
just so we can have
some alone time.
544
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:41,608
I just love you.
545
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:44,744
*
546
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,515
That's my sandwich.
547
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,150
(both yelling)
548
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,789
(all yelling)
549
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,664
You know, I wouldn't give
up a single one of them.
550
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,433
They're our boys.
551
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,335
No one else
can say that.
552
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,504
They're our boys.
553
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:12,839
Negative.
554
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,041
All that worry
for nothing.
555
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,777
A girl would have
been nice, though.
556
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:18,978
Are you kidding?
557
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,847
We've got you outnumbered
five to one now
558
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,715
and we're still losing.
559
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:38,365
Boys, go to your room!
35355
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