Original subtitles

[alarm blaring]

[alarm stops]

[gasping and screaming]

Ooh! Aah!

Ooh!

[retches]

Ooh! Ooh!

[screams]

LOIS: Hal!

I'm late for work!

[screaming]

When your TV privileges are taken away,

you have to do something for entertainment.

This is totally a trade-up.

[screaming]

♪ Yes, no, maybe

♪ I don't know

♪ Can you repeat the question?

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪

♪ And you're not so big

♪ Life is unfair.

Well, I've solved two mysteries:

Why the toaster was stinking up the house

and where Dewey left his goldfish.

Hal, would you put on a decent shirt?

Stevie's here.

So?

So, I like having him around.

Look, he's actually got the boys reading the newspaper.

Wait.

I haven't... finished yet.

Hey, check it out--

the county fair.

Look at that-- they got a roller coaster,

a side show, knife throwers.

Your name...

written on... rice.

Oh, man, this is the last weekend.

We've got to go.

Yeah, like Mom will ever let us go.

Why does...

she have... to know?

You got an idea?

Maybe... you guys...

could come... for a sleepover.

Your parents aren't going to let us go to the fair.

They'll think... that I'm...

sleeping... at yourhouse.

Double alibi.

It's a classic for a reason.

Can you... talk your mom...

into... sleeping over?

Mom, can we sleep over at Stevie's tonight?

Sure!

Now for... my parents.

A sleepover?! At someone else's house?!

Don't you like sleeping here, son?

I don't think this is a good idea, Steve.

I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't have a HEPA filter air purifier

and God knows how outmoded their alarm system is.

They probably don't even have motion detectors.

Be honest, son.

Is it my snoring?

You have a perfectly good

hypo-allergenic mattress here to sleep on.

I just don't see the point.

I would help... me feel...

normal.

Fish... in a barrel.

All right. See you there.

Stevie's in. We're all set.

He's going to meet us at the bus stop in half an hour.

We take the 37 express to the fair

have fun for a little while, and we're back home by midnight.

[door creaks]

You little creep!

Let go!

What did you hear?

Everything.

I want to go to the fair.

No, Dewey. You're too young.

Take me or I'll tell Mom.

If you do, I'll just stomp the crap out of you.

Go ahead. I'm still telling.

Dewey, you're not going and you're not telling.

If you blab to Mom, we'll take every pet you ever get

and set it free.

We'll destroy every toy, every game,

everything you ever love.

Do what you have to.

Dewey's going to go with us to Stevie's.

Why?

Because we like him.

I'm just fun.

And Stevie's mom is okay with this?Yeah.

Maybe so, but she has no idea what she's getting into

with the three of you over there.

I should give her a call...

Uh, honey, Kitty can speak up for herself.

I mean, she's made a decision.

I don't think we should be second-guessing her.

What?!

Though with Dewey gone, too,

we'll have to try to think of something to do...

on our own... alone.

Okay, boys, have fun.

Bye, now.

♪

Oh, Hal...

we got the whole night.

Here-- heat up the rolls.

[gasps]

Daddy'll just kill me if he catches me

with one of the field hands.

[passionate gasping]

[phone ringing]

Let the machine get it.

[phone beeps]

Hello, it's Francis.

Mom, Dad, pick up.

I'm in the emergency room

and the doctors think they can save my leg, but they--

Francis, are you okay?

Ha! Screening your own child.

Fine parents you are.

Honey, what's wrong?

The fact that I have to resort to lies

to get you to talk to me-- that's what's wrong.

What do you want, Francis?

I don't know. It's Saturday night.

I thought I'd call and say hi.

Can we call you back later? Your dad and I are kind of busy right now.

All right, let me talk to my brothers.

They're not here.

Then what are you...?

Ew!

Ugh!

♪

Ugh!

Ugh!

STEVIE: Where is everybody... going?

REESE: They're leaving!

This place is closing in 15 minutes!

We would've been here two hours ago

if we didn't have to get off the express bus!

I had to pee!

You cost us two hours!

Just for that, you don't get to see the Siamese pigs.

No!

Can we...

stop fighting...

and start... living?

Okay, we only have time for one ride

so we need to make it count.

How about the Chamber of Terrors?

It's on the other side of the midway.

Ride's closed.

What?! We've still got five minutes!

Not according to my watch.

Hey, you have to let us ride.

This is a countyfair.

It belongs to the people.

I mean, what are our tax dollars paying for, anyway?

The cops, who I'm going to call

if you don't get the hell out of here.

Ride's closed!

That sucks. He's just picking on us because we're kids

and we can't do anything about it.

I know. This is unfair.

He could've let us through.

He just has an attitude problem.

What happened... to customer service?

Are you sure we should be doing this?

Stevie might get mad at us just dropping in on him.

We're not doing anything wrong.

We're his parents, and we happen to be in the neighborhood.

You just want to kiss him good night.

So what if I do?

I've kissed that boy good night every night since he was born.

It makes him sleep better and it makes me sleep better.

[sighs]

What is taking so long?

You know those boys--

they're probably watching ninja movies

and eating full-fat crackers.

[loud crashing]

Hello?

Is everything okay in there?

[muffled whispers]

Oh.

Kitty, Abe... uh, what are you doing here?

Hello, Hal.

Is everything okay? We heard a crash.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

We're just, um... moving furniture.

So, what-what brings you by?

We just came by to see Stevie.

Stevie?!

Stevie isn't here.

I thought he was with you.

What-What are you talking about?

Where's my baby?

Abe, Kitty, what-what are you doing here?

We came to see Stevie.

He's not here on a sleepover with your boys?

No! They told us they were spending the night

at your house for a sleepover.

Oh...

Hal, get my bra.

I guess I should be scared, but I'm not.

Fake blood.

That's... a zombie?

Rubber guts.

Okay, if I had paid for this ride, I'd be really pissed.

Stevie! Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!

Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie!

Kitty, you have to leave a little room between your "Stevies"

or you won't be able to hear him yell back.

I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous.

I don't have as much experience

with my child being in mortal danger.

Okay, just calm down.

You have to focus on something positive...

like how we're going to punish them.

How can I focus on anything

when Stevie's out there, lost and scared?

I understand what you're feeling, Kitty.

I'm concerned, too. We're all concerned.

Abe, this van is a palace.

What does a rig like this set you back?

Eh, not as much as you'd think.

When I sprang for the DVD player and flat-screen monitor,

they threw in the GPS system for free,

so it's really a...

Stevie!

Stevie! Stevie!

REESE: Where the hell's the exit?

We've been wandering around here for 20 minutes.

DEWEY: This place is creepy.

MALCOLM: Hey guys, we're right back where we started.

This is the car we were riding in.

I can feel where Dewey was chewing on it.

REESE: Okay, I think we're out of options.

We have to start a fire.

Just calm down.

We can find our way out of here.

We just need to stay together and hold hands.

Reese, give me your hand.

I thought I washolding your hand.

[screaming]

Uh-oh.

This is like the beginning

of every horror movie I've ever seen.

I think we should all split up.

This place is like a cemetery

with a Ferris wheel.

Are we in trouble?

No. The last bus leaves in 20 minutes.

We just have to get outside and wait for it.

Hey.

Let's ask... for help.

No, we'll get in trouble.

Let's climb the fence and get out of here.

The fences are, like, 12 feet high.

What about Stevie?

We do it in stages.

We drag his chair to the top,

toss it over, and then

do the same with Stevie.

Hello?!

Lost brother?

Go for it.

Uh, hi.

We're really sorry, but our brother got lost

and we kind of got stuck in here after closing.

Would you mind unlocking the gate

and letting us out?

We only live a block away.

So, we won't be any more trouble.

You think the rules don't apply?

Excuse me?

My boss finds you pissants sneaking in...

it's my ass!

Is he mad?

I don't know.

He looks a little...

[boys screaming]

Oh, my God-- sidewindow defrosters.

I've never seen that before.

FRANCIS: Hello?

Francis? Hang on.

I'm putting you on speakerphone.

Who's this?

Francis, it's Mom. We need to talk.

You know, with the images I have in my brain,

I think the best thing for me right now

is a little distance and about 15 hours of public television.

Francis, would you quit clowning around?

The boys are missing.

What are you talking about?

[loudly]: We were hoping you can

give us some ideas of where to look for them.

Over.

Hal.

If you could give us some leads,

it might really speed things up.

See, he doesn't know you've stopped talking.

No, just you're kind of putting me in an awkward position.

I mean, you're asking me to rat out my brothers.

Francis, we're just worried about the boys.

They're not going to get into trouble.

Oh? When did they get new parents?

Listen, you little miscreant,

you better tell me where they are

before I jump through the phone

and rip that smart mouth off that damn face!

Who is that?

My name is Kitty Kenarban,

and my little boy Stevie is out there lost.

His inhaler is running out,

and he's got poor night vision.

Wait, Stevie's with them?

Okay, you didn't hear it from me,

but I'd check out the old paint factory.

It's fun to blow up the old cans of varnish.

Oh, and the knife store on Fifth has a back door that's loose.

If Stevie could swim...

then I'd guess they'd be 40 miles downstream by now.

Look, just start at these places.

The others are too alarming,

and there's no sense in needlessly scaring you.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

Puppies, ice cream, fat people falling down.

I think we lost him.

Where's... Dewey?

Oh, my God.

Where is he?

Look, I say we get out of here.

We can cover for Dewey. He's quiet.

Mom and Dad will never know he's gone.

You don't leave...

a fallen... comrade.

Shut up. We wouldn't be in this mess

if you hadn't called for help.

Keep... pushing me... dumb-ass.

Look, we can find Dewey.

We just need to start on one side of the park,

work our way through

and stay the hell away from that guard.

REESE: No way, no way!

We stay right here.

That maniac's out there somewhere...

waiting for us.

[burps]

[boys screaming]

Save... yourselves!

Oh, man, he's got Stevie.

We got to do something.

Why? Maybe it's his time.

Who are we to play God?

Reese!

What is taking him so long?

How many places could the boys hide in an impound lot?

[large dogs barking]

[screaming]: Start the car!

Start the car!

Go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go.

[tires screeching]

[laughs]

Eat our dust, you stupid dogs!

Hal wins again!

[chuckling]

Well, they're not there.

How can this be happening?

Stevie never used to do things like this.

He used to be such a good boy.

He used to hold my yarn while I knitted.

And I would hold his yarn while he knitted.

He made this sweater.

LOIS: Kitty, I am so sorry.

This is all my boys' fault.

They turn everyone they come in contact with

into scheming delinquents.

They're like a virus.

Oh, look, we don't blame your boys--

well, we do--

but the thing is, Stevie has had a hand in this.

I mean, he's changed.

Ever since he hit middle school,

he's just snippy and secretive

and just shuts himself up in his room.

We should never have let him have that door.

I guess we're in for a few rough months.

Few months?

Well, when he gets older

and realizes how much he's hurting us, then...

Then he'll be even better at it.

Let's face it.

Teenagers are thoughtless, inconsiderate, eating machines

dedicated to putting us through hell

and sending us to an early grave.

These kids just don't know how much we suffer.

[buzzing]

What's that buzzing sound?

Oh, it's a massage feature.

I'll turn it off.

You kids didn't know who you were messing with.

You caught a kid... in a wheelchair.

Kudos.

Shut up!

You talk when I say.

I'm shaking... in my chair.

[thuds]

Don't go anywhere.

I think we should run and jump the fence

and get the cops.

No, we should stay right here.

This is good. This is smart.

[rustling]

We're out in the open.

We've got to move.

No. This guy's a psychopath.

He's probably got bodies buried all over the country.

The fair comes to town, he kills a bunch of locals,

then packs up and moves on to the next bunch of victims.

Shut up-- we're going to be fine.

[rustling]

Look, I just want to let you know

I've always tried to be a good brother.

If I ever hit you or broke your stuff,

it was because you deserved it and it was fun,

but that doesn't make it right.

Reese, please stop talking like this.

We're going to be fine.

[screaming]Take him!

Hey, guys.

Dewey, that's not funny.

Where's Stevie?

The guard grabbed him.

Yeah, he locked him up in his trailer,

and he's doing who knows what to him.

Maybe my friends can help.

What friends?

We come in peace.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, it's me-- I talked to Richie.

He has a couple ideas if you want to hear them.

Roger that, Francis. Over.

First off, he said the porno shop on Radford

is having a parking lot sale.

Oh, yeah, and the county fair is in town right now.

All right.

Of course, the fair.

[tires screech]

Your friends think they can hide, huh?

I'll teach them a little lesson.

They already know...

how to make..

six bucks... an hour.

Shut up!

Lothar, go.

[banging]

Phil, let's be reasonable about this.

Why don't you let the little boy go?

Get out of here, Gorak.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm in charge of security.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I understand that,

and you're doing a terrific job,

but... I guess what I'm asking for here

falls under the category of a favor.

Can you do me a favor, Phil?

Why should I do you a favor?

You never do me any favors.

Is this about the birthday party?

No.

Phil, I told you.

I was trying to keep it small.

If I invited you,

I'd have to invite the concession people,

the ticket takers, even the transportation guys.

I can't afford that.

It was nothing personal.

Really?

Look, we're having a poker game this weekend.

Why don't you join us?

Can I deal?

[others chuckle]

Of course you can deal.

Thanks for looking after our boys, Gorak.

We hope they weren't too much of a bother.

Hey, I know how kids can be.

I got two little monsters of my own.

And, Hal, don't forget,

poker this weekend.

Absolutely.

Too bad the boys didn't get to see our show.

Next time we're in town, we'll get them backstage.

Only if you take me up on that home-cooked meal.

You got it, Lois.

These boys have had a rough night, so...

take it easy on them?

Right now all I'm worried about is getting them home.

[horn honks]

This sucks.

This would've turned out perfect if Francis didn't rat us out.

What are you smiling about?

Gorak gave me one of his babies.