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RADIO ANNOUNCER: Well, it looks like and it could be

and it probably is a little after 7:00 A.M.

on a sleepy Saturday morning in Kenosha,

which, right now, is as lively and exciting

as any other town in the world at 7:00 A.M.

Except here, this cool, cool jock

without hard rock,

namely me, laid-back Larry,

in fine and mellow middle America,

happening now for all you early-rising lovers

of life, love, and the pursuit of music,

come rain or come shine.

And the rains are coming.

Light showers predicted, clearing this afternoon.

Now at the top of the charts, the beautiful...

Darcy, Lila's here.

Hi, Mrs. Elliot.

Bonjour, Lila.

Comment a va?

Darcy, we're going to be late.

I know, I'm almost done.

Is that your article on Senator Proxmire?

Uh-huh.

I thought you mailed it yesterday.

Oh, I'm so excited for you girls.

A weekend at a real college.

You didn't mail it?

I was going to,

but that press conference last night

just changed everything.

Damn, I hate this stupid thing!

Are you through with this?

Oh, I know Darcy would love for me to come,

but I have to work if Darcy

and I are going to go to Paris in style, huh?

That's what she told me. Come on, Darcy.

Okay. Done.

I'll mail it on the road.

Oh, you know, the news said it was going to rain.

But I don't know. It looks nice out to me.

So, you're going to be staying in a dorm, huh?

Not that I'm prying.

You're entitled to your space.

Mother. Hmm?

You're standing in my space.

Oh, okay. Give me a kiss.

Come on.

Mm.

Have fun. Bye.

Well, maybe you'll meet

some of those university men, huh, girls?

All right, Mom.

Actually, I wouldn't mind you meeting some new boys.

There, I've said it.

Uh, Mom, what time do you have to be at work?

Oh, yeah, I guess I'd better get going.

You drive carefully, Lila.

Why didn't I think of that?

Au revoir.

Call me if you meet someone special!

You guys, this is so romantic,

you two going off together,

spending the night together.

Got the map?

Got the map.

Alone together for the first time.

Got the tapes? In the car. Thermos?

Full.

Oh, thanks for covering me.

Don't worry about it.

See you tomorrow, pal.

Bye, you guys.

So how long do you think it's going to take to get there?

Mm, about two hours.

If we don't, you know, stop.

What if we do, you know, stop?

We may never get there.

Hmm.

Maybe we shouldn't have stopped.

Mm, yeah.

Oh, but what if I'm late?

I won't let you be late.

Well, I guess a little late

wouldn't hurt, huh?

Uh-uh.

I love you, Darcy.

I love you, Stan.

Oh, I'm so nervous.

What if he doesn't like my stuff?

Sweetheart, he's going to love your stuff.

You know, they say this guy's

the toughest editor they ever had.

And you're the best writer.

They say if he doesn't ask you

to send what you write in senior year,

you can just forget about working on the paper.

He's not going to ask you. He's going to beg you.

He's going to get down on his knees and he's going to say,

"Oh, Darcy Elliot, please send us every word you write."

Well, yeah, what if he doesn't?

God, my socks are still wet.

Fascinating.

You mean, your state representative

actually spoke at your school assembly?

Uh-huh. Well, did you read what he said?

I mean, he really gave it to our mayor.

"Swampy Soccer Field Flooded with Frogs?"

Well, yeah, there were a couple thousand of them.

You see, I checked with the Department of Agriculture,

and the water table had risen

so their eggs didn't dry up like they were supposed to--

That's, uh, quite a story.

I hope The Washington Post Àpicked that one up.

Okay, look, Donald.

I'm sure this sounds like small potatoes

to both of you--

Uh, it's Ronald.

Excuse me, Ronald.

But these frogs were very big news at my school

and very big news in Kenosha,

which is where I live

and where I find my stories.

Do you know Mike Royko?

He writes about Chicago.

Fran Liebowitz writes about New York.

I write about Kenosha.

Tell you what.

Send me what you write on your paper this year.

Let's see what we can do.

I like your passion.

Thanks.

Are you going here too?

Caltech, architecture.

If my scholarship comes through.

He'll get it.

So you'll be here

and he'll be in California?

We'll manage.

Live for holidays and vacations, right?

You know it.

That's right.

Thanks, Ronald. Thanks, Beth.

Bye.

To be young again.

Piece of shit.

It's so incredible.

I mean, I can't believe

it looks exactly like your design.

My mom did all the hard work,

all the stitching.

And I can't believe you added a skylight.

And...

It's removable.

I wish we had some marshmallows.

Yeah, so do I.

But I do have a surprise for you.

You have a surprise?

Yeah. Close your eyes.

Oh, I love surprises. What is it?

I can't tell you or it wouldn't be a surprise.

Can I open up my eyes?

Not in this forest. Can I open up one eye?

Uh-uh. Can I have a hint?

Put out your hand.

Oh, that's so sweet.

When'd you get them?

Before we left.

You're so romantic.

Here's to forever.

And always.

* And if I had the chance

* I'd never let you go

You know, maybe they were right...

About us.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know. I mean, I don't know.

Maybe it's not going to work out.

Why?

People change and drift apart.

Not us. We're different.

Yeah.

You bet, yeah.

* Be my be my Be my little baby *

* My one and only

Do you think we could live in a tent?

Huh?

I mean, not forever,

just on a permanent basis.

You and me?

Yeah.

I think we could live anywhere.

As long as it had a skylight.

And maybe a Jacuzzi.

* I'll make you happy, baby Just wait *

I've never seen so many stars.

Beautiful.

Did you see that?

Uh-huh.

Did you make a wish?

Uh

Uh-huh.

* ...From the day I saw you

*I have been waiting for you

* You know I will adore you

* Till eternity...

Can you think of another way to say hygiene?

Uh, "Hello, Gene?"

Tsk.

Cleanliness. That's good.

Can I have half?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mm. Teenage lust.

Uh-oh, sex patrol.

When you start to like boys,

do you have to chew their gum?

Well, you know, your brother's gum

is the first gum that I ever chewed.

Is that what love is?

It's a start.

But you're pals too, right?

Yeah.

What's a panimonial suit--

MAN: We're home!

Thank God.

Your daughter wants to know

what a palimony suit is.

Where does she get that stuff?

Dr. Ruth.

Why do you let her watch Dr. Ruth?

I don't let her watch.

You let her watch.

That Dr. Ruth is funny.

I'll tell you what palimony is, Mary.

I'll handle this.

Palimony is when a man gives a woman

the best years of his life

and then she has the nerve to want money for it.

It's not just the women.

I read about this man in Beverly Hills, California,

who sued his girlfriend for half of her tanning salon.

Stay for dinner, Darcy.

We're having glumpkies.

Oh, I'd love to, but it's Thursday.

Oh, yeah. French night.

French night. French night.

Ooh-la-la. Ooh-la-la.

Come wid me to ze Casbah.

What's a Casbah?

We have French Fries.

French dressing.

Oh, ze French toast.

And for dessert,

we've got ice cream, French vanilla.

And French kissing, with gum.

Mm!

Oh, come on, Darcy.

There's more to life than Big Macs.

Well?

Your job is looking out for your mom.

Okay, it was red and now it's pink.

Okay.

"If there's any change

from the original intense red color

this indicates a positive result."

Positive! So it's positive.

Not positive, good.

Positive, bad.

It's just defective. That's-- We'll just take it back.

We'll just get another one and we'll just do it again.

Darcy, it's not defective.

Look, my dad's a doctor.

I know about these things.

I can't believe this.

I've been taking the pill forever.

What am I going to do?

Yo, Stan, thanks for the cleanup.

I owe you one, kid.

Hi, Mr. Bobrucz.

Oh, hey...

Darcy Elliot, Kenosha's star reporter.

What are you doing,

one of those expos stories

on bunions across America?

Hey!

No smooching back there, now.

It'll set off the sprinklers.

Good night, Dad.

I'm going, I'm going.

Boy, you look happy.

You know, I bet

if I put your smiling face

outside the front of the store

I'd get a lot more customers.

I know.

You got a B-plus

on your French exam, right?

Now, it can't be that bad.

It is that bad.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

When was your last period?

Two months ago.

Two months?

I thought you were taking the pill.

Well, I'm irregular, okay?

I mean, that's why I started taking the damn pill

in the first place,

to regulate my periods.

My doctor put me on it when I was 14 years old,

and once I forgot,

and then I doubled the next day,

just like I was supposed to.

You told me--

You said you started taking it for me.

Well, I lied, okay?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you.

I mean, I would've started taking it for you

if I wasn't already taking it. I just didn't want to tell you

that I was already taking it, because I didn't want you

to think that I was cheap and easy, because I'm not.

You made me wait two and a half years.

Why would I think you were easy?

God, this is all my fault.

Hey...

It's not like you were there

by yourself, you know.

I never thought it would happen like this.

I mean, I knew it'd be you.

I knew that much, but like this?

Surrounded by Hush Puppies.

Lisa Jordan had two already.

I heard Marilyn Monroe had 13.

Who's Lisa Jordan?

She sits behind you in Calculus.

Well, look, still, it's no big deal.

Look, this is Darcy's decision.

It's her life.

Oh, her life.

It's her body.

Look, Stan and I are supposed

to go to California next year.

Shh.

I mean, what's he supposed to do with his body?

Stay home and babysit? Cute.

We could always give it up for abortion.

You mean "adoption."

That's what I said, adoption.

Yeah, that's what he said, adoption.

No, he didn't. He said abortion.

No, I said adoption.

I heard you, Stan.

Loud and clear.

Well, you heard me wrong, okay?

Okay.

GIRL: You went out with Stan Bobrucz?

So?

You're lying. I am not.

We were in seventh grade.

We were children.

Yeah, weren't we all?

But since then, he's gotten so mature,

so deep.

Michaela, you're so bad.

You want to know bad?

It's tying a guy down

before he's old enough to buy a girl a drink.

Yeah, well, I bet you won't read

about Darcy getting knocked up

in her precious little paper,

so I'll just write it on the wall in here.

I love it when the smart kids turn out to be so stupid.

I'm almost into my second trimester.

Stan, we've got to tell them something.

It's not going to go away.

Don't worry. We'll figure it out.

It doesn't make any sense

to tell them anything

until we decide what we want to do.

Besides, it's Thanksgiving.

How can you tell them on Thanksgiving?

Well, I was thinking along the lines of,

"I'm pregnant. Can you pass the turnips?"

Look, we'll talk about it--

Come on, kids. Dinner.

That's a beautiful looking turkey, Mrs. Bobrucz.

Hey, Stick. Do you know what your cousin Jimmy says

about that Caltech?

What'd he say? What's he say?

He says every one

of those architect students

has his own computer.

Do you believe that?

Boy, it sure wasn't like that when I didn't go to school.

I hope you like my stuffing.

Oh, well, the French do a wonderful thing

with their stuffing.

Apples, grapes, and raisins. Right, honey?

Mm-hmm.

How creative.

Yeah, except in this country,

we don't call that stuffing.

We call that fruit.

Honey? Grace.

Grace.

Anybody can do it.

Only a doctor can do it.

Whoa!

No talking during grace, huh?

I'm just trying to tell Mary

that only a doctor can do an abortion, and not--

That's not true!

Right, Daddy?

Hey, where'd you hear a word like that?

Mary said it. Lou said it.

You know the rules in this house.

No lying.

Where'd you hear that?

Well, all right.

I'm going to ask you one more time.

Where'd you hear that word?

I'm pregnant.

Can you pass the turnips?

Abortion is not a dirty word.

It's a simple medical solution.

Hey, you can just forget about abortion,

because this kid's going up for adoption,

and that's that!

Well, obviously, you've never heard of the word "choice,"

but then, why would you?

It's not a four-letter word.

What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Look. I know you think that you're in love.

Yeah, I thought I was in love once too.

When was the last time

we saw your goddamn father,

let alone a check?

Honey, promise me

you're not going to have this baby.

Right now, the whole world is your oyster.

Oh, yeah?

What about my son's oysters, huh?

He's got this brilliant career

ahead of him,

designing schools and churches and shit!

Darcy and I are going to Paris next summer.

Look, if we could all just discuss--

Butt out! We're trying to decide your future here!

Oh, look, honey.

Do you know how many people'd just love

to adopt a cute little baby?

Don't be stupid!

That takes care of Stan. What about Darcy?

Hey, call your daughter stupid!

She's the one got herself in trouble.

Dad!

Oh, she got herself pregnant!

Well, hallelujah!

It's another virgin birth!

Let's not drag the church into this.

Why not?

Your husband wants me

to hide my daughter away in some convent

so she won't embarrass your family.

Are you going to do this

every time Stan gets someone pregnant, huh?

Mother!

Why don't we just keep it? Grow up!

You had a gerbil last year.

You forgot to feed it. It died.

This kid's going up for adoption, period!

No, Darcy is not going to lug this baby around

for nine months and get stretch marks

so you can give it up to Catholic charities.

Mom, what are stretch marks?

Stretch marks are the badge of a real woman.

You are an unreasonable, uncivilized peasant.

And you, Fifi,

can take your French fruit

and stuff it

up your big bird.

Okay, that's it.

This family has made its decision.

We're calling Dr. Barrick

and having this taken care of

first thing in the morning.

There. Done. Darcy?

Thanks for dinner.

Darcy!

Mom?

You never told me Stan's gerbil died.

You said he ran away!

This is the smartest thing you've ever done, honey.

It leaves all the options open.

Now, I'm going to get off work early

so I'll be here when you get home, and...

We can pretend

this whole thing never happened.

I still think

I should go with you, though.

Mom, we've already settled this.

Lila's going with me,

and Stan's picking me up,

and Stan is taking me to the clinic.

Oh, great, Stan. Okay.

Well, you'll be in and out of there, honey.

You'll see.

Come here.

You okay?

You just thank God you got

such an understanding mother, huh?

Bye.

So this is the right thing, right?

We said we wanted to do what's right.

Right?

Guys?

I got to go.

Call me when you get home.

I'll come over, okay?

Okay.

Everything's going to be just fine.

I know it.

I love you.

I love you too.

Okay...

It just doesn't seem to want to fit, Mrs. Sitwell.

Are you sure this is a five

Oh, definitely, Mrs. Sitwell.

Maybe we should try a size six, huh?

Not on your life!

I wear a five-and-a-half.

Oh, I remember, Mrs. Sitwell.

You know...

There must be something wrong with that shoe.

Wrong with it?

Maybe.

Let me see if I can't find you a larger five-and-a-half.

Be right back.

I'm in a bit of a hurry here.

I'll be back in a jiff, Mrs. Sitwell.

I was thinking about it all day.

Having a kid didn't sound so bad,

you know?

And someday, we're going to do it.

We're going to get married, have a--

I didn't do it.

What? I didn't.

I tried about 10 different times.

First, I tried to be real, you know,

practical about it,

and then I tried to be casual about it,

and then I tried to pretend like I was in a hurry,

but just nothing worked.

So now I'm here. So you didn't do it.

I know it makes sense to do it, but I just, I didn't feel like

I thought I would feel about it, you know?

I mean, I know it's not a bad thing,

but when I think about you and me, I just want to have it.

What do you think? I mean, I can go back.

I can go back tomorrow--

No way. We're going to have this kid, Darce.

You and me, a little Bobrucz

with red hair and your lips.

We can have everything, right?

I mean, how did Hemingway put it?

"You just have to grab for the gusto."

That was a beer commercial.

Well, he said it too.

I love you, Darcy.

You really think we can do it?

Of course we can do it. Our parents did it.

Everybody's parents did it.

We were going to do it anyway. So we'll just do it sooner.

Right!

What is this, the Sonny and Cher Show?

Mrs. Sitwell would like her other shoe back...

So she can leave.

So, when do we tell our folks?

Do we have to tell them?

Probably.

Okay, soon.

The sooner, the better.

* Deck the halls With boughs of holly *

* Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la *

*'Tis the season to be jolly

* Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la *

Hey, what do you think of that, Donna?

You'd better like that.

Like it?

I'm stunned.

Yeah, that's the Eiffel Tower.

You plug it in.

It lights up,

just like the real one.

Yeah, I know just where I'd like to put this.

Thank you for the belt, Mrs. Bobrucz.

Well, I saw that in the store,

I said to myself,

"Now who has a waist that little?"

Our Darcy.

Yeah, well, she gets that type of a figure

from her mother.

Now, Donna...

Merry Christmas.

And now...

We're going to have a toast.

Thank you.

Dad, what about us?

Are you kidding?

Sure, I always get my children loaded

on Christmas.

He's so funny.

There's yours.

There's yours.

Go out to the ice box.

Get yourself some ginger ale.

You know, it's great

that Stan and Darcy got us together like this

because, today,

we're going to let bygones be bygones.

I think even Donna will go along with me

on this one.

There is nothing,

I mean, absolutely nothing,

like family.

Hmm?

Darcy

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Stan.

Merry Christmas, Stan.

Okay.

To family.

After all, this was the day

when Mary and Joseph

started their little family.

That's-- That's funny you should mention that, Dad.

Here-- here's the thing.

We're going to have one too.

What?

A family.

Darcy and I.

Oh, well, yeah. Good, great.

You know, God bless you.

Some day.

I mean now.

What the hell are you talking about?

What Stan is trying to say, is, um...

We've decided to keep the baby.

You lied.

No, I didn't lie!

When I came home from the clinic,

you asked me how it went, so I said it wasn't so bad.

But you didn't do anything.

Oh, yeah, that's why it wasn't so bad.

We haven't worked out all the details yet.

Work out this detail.

Your whole future's

going right in the toilet.

We were going to do it anyway.

It's just that we're starting our future now.

Future

We got married young.

Yeah, we got married young,

because we were kids!

MRS. BOBRUCZ: Maybe we could raise the baby

until the kids got out of school.

What are you, nuts?

We want to raise our own baby.

And we're going to get an apartment by ourselves,

and we're going to fix it up really nice.

Uh-huh, and Stan won't go to Caltech.

He'll spend the rest of his life

stuffing fat feet into little shoes.

It's not going to be like that, Dad.

You're blowing the chance of a lifetime.

Darcy Elliot, this is an act of defiance.

Mother, you don't understand, okay?

We love each other. It's not what you think.

Young lady, you've got to learn how to keep your mouth shut

and your legs crossed.

You bastard!

Don't you ever talk to her like that again!

You get out! You get out of my house!

I left!

You didn't throw me out. I left.

And don't come back here looking for a handout!

Get away from me!

Darcy, I knew I should have forbid you to see him.

Mother. Mother. Mother! It was a mistake coming here--

And now what are we going to do about Paris?

Mother, shut up! Darcy, you come back here!

You are grounded!

Hey, wait up.

And where do you think you're going?

With you.

Where do you think I'm going?

You'd better get back in there

before you get in more trouble.

I can't.

I just told my mother to shut up.

You told your mother to shut up?

I did. I swear.

Get in the car.

I wish I had a Polaroid of her face.

All right, with cash, both savings accounts...

My Sweet 16 card from Aunt Renee...

Mm-hmm, and my Christmas Club.

Six gift certificates to McDonald's.

We got, mm...

$927 and six Big Macs.

$927?

Mm-hmm.

We're practically rich!

Ohh!

What more on this entire planet

can we possibly need?

More money.

More money?

Mm-hmm.

No pets, no loud music.

Any parties after 10:00, you're out.

Rent's due first of the month.

I don't get it, you're out.

No drinking, no drugs.

I catch you with drugs, you're out.

Any questions?

Yeah. What's that?

A Jacuzzi.

So, uh, what do you think?

It's different.

It's big.

Big.

All it needs is a little paint...

A little imagination...

And a bed.

Come on, come on, grab the bottom and lift.

This thing's heavy.

Look, you said this was going to take five minutes.

We've been here a half an hour. We're almost there.

What do I got to do next? Actually, there is something.

I want you to be my kid's godfather.

Godfather? Yeah.

Oh, no. You just want me

to change the dirty diapers, huh?

Don't worry. As soon as that little sucker pops out,

we housebreak him.

Oh, good.

Oh, great timing.

Oh, no.

Off the truck with the bed.

Oof.

What are you talking about?

Hi, Mr. Bobrucz.

Hi, Chris How you doing

All right, let's go! Let's go.

It's my bed!

Oh, oh, yeah, it's your bed, huh?

Is it your bed? Did you pay for it?

You wet this bed.

I wet on the bed that Lou got!

I did not wet on this bed!

All right, you go ask Darcy's mother for a bed.

Ask her in French!

You want the bed? Give me this!

Take the goddamn bed! I'll buy my own bed! With my own money!

I'm a bastard, right?

I love you, Dad. I love you.

You're great, though.

I'm a bastard who's got his own house!

When the hell did they stop putting handles

on these son of a bitches?

Ah!

Happy New Year!

Oh, no! Put me down!

Put me down!

Let me go back and get him!

Let's get us some coffee!

Huh

Happy New Year, man.

Oh, uh, I-- I'm covered.

Hey, Happy New Year anyway.

* ...Just one look at you

* My heart grows tipsy In me *

* You and you alone Bring out *

* The gypsy in me

* I love all

* The many charms About you *

* Above all I want my arms about you *

* Don't be a naughty--

What's wrong? What's the matter?

Nothing, nothing.

It's just that I've never seen you, um...

Naked.

Naked?

Well, you know, I mean, we did it,

but I-- I just never actually looked at it.

Come on, we did it six times.

Five times.

The car, the car, the garage,

the tent, the basement.

Does that count?

Of course it counts.

Okay, still, that's only five times.

The rain.

Oh, yeah.

But, still...

I never actually checked it out.

Oh, well, you don't have to look.

No, I want to.

Well?

It's cute.

It's cute?

Smurfs are cute.

Okay, well, what?

I don't know. Not "cute."

Magnificent, maybe.

Awesome?

I know it's a bit overused,

but on this occasion, awesome wouldn't be bad.

I'd settle for big.

Okay, okay, let me see it again.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my God!

My God! It's huge!

It's monstrous!

It's a giant boa constrictor!

Get that thing away from me! Get it away!

Put it away before it kills somebody!

Want to get married?

We don't have to.

I know.

I want to.

Don't you?

What's the matter?

Darcy Elliot,

will you do me the honor

of being my lawfully wedded wife?

IN THICK ACCENT: Please give to Darcy the ring.

The ring.

Please to say after me.

I give you this ring as a sign of our faith, hope, and love.

WHISPERING: I give you this ring

as a sign of our faith, hope, and love.

I give you this ring

as a sign of our faith, hope, and love.

WHISPERING: Give me the ring.

Sorry.

May it bind our hearts and lives.

Excuse me, sir?

May it bind our heart and lives.

May it bind our heart and lives.

Oh, that's nice.

Say it.

May it bind

our hearts and lives.

What's the matter?

My ring's bent.

I'm sorry.

I'll get you another one as soon as I can.

Really?

I promise.

Okay.

Are we married yet?

Excuse me, sir.

Are we married yet?

Married?

Yes, married.

Hey, Slim.

How's the alien?

You scared?

A little.

Are you lying?

A little.

You know, I had this doll once, a long time ago.

Her name was Wendy Wets and she peed.

She peed? No.

She did. No, she did.

She had these little diapers and everything,

and I had this other doll.

Her name was Tiny Tears, and she cried.

It was real tears.

And then there was Chatty Cathy,

and you pulled a little string on her back,

and she started to talk.

But the thing is, is, um,

I never had one that did everything all at once.

You know?

I felt it.

It moved.

Inside you.

It's you.

It's you inside me.

Let's see now, young fellow.

Do you have any shoe store experience?

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, five summers and a lot of weekends.

Oh.

Well, I'm always looking for experienced help.

What's your angle on selling shoes?

Treat the lady like a queen.

Don't pull anybody's chain.

Keep the horsing around

where it belongs, out of the store.

Bobrucz.

Are you Vic Bobrucz's--

Yes, sir.

Well, why do you want to work for me?

My dad sort of fired me, sir.

You start Friday.

Uh, thanks.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Kolby.

You're welcome.

Hey, Bobrucz.

Your old man is really going to be pissed. Whoo!

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know too.

Look, Darcy, we have always been straight with each other.

I just think leaving now

and starting night school's

the best idea for you, for everyone.

Oh, damn. I got to run.

Well, just wait a second, okay?

You don't understand.

After I have the baby, I still want to go to college.

I want to be a journalist. How can--

Good. Do it all.

Night school's not going to stop you.

Let's pick this up in the morning, huh?

Be here at 8:00.

Miss Giles?

Miss Giles, I don't think

you have any right

advising someone to quit school.

I think it's unethical and unconstitutional.

Look, can we do this tomorrow?

Oh, God forbid the school should be embarrassed

by letting a pregnant girl walk around.

I don't give a damn if the school gets embarrassed.

Look, I could get fired for this.

The school is not asking you

to drop out, Darcy.

I am.

You are?

Yes. This is a small town.

You are editor of the school paper.

You are popular.

I see girls every day who want to be like you.

I've seen it happen, Darcy.

Pregnancy is contagious, like suicide.

Oh, give me a break.

I'm only having a baby.

How many teenage girls in this country

do you think get pregnant every week?

20,000.

Oh, so I'm supposed to feel guilty?

It's all my fault

if 20,000 girls go get knocked up?

Nobody's asking you to save the world, Darcy,

just to do the responsible thing.

Think about it.

Well, after she explained it to me,

I thought about it and I figure it's not going to be so bad.

They cannot make you quit school. We could sue them.

They're not making me do anything.

I don't care. It still sucks.

It was getting weird around there anyway.

I'm just going to go to night school.

To night school? What do you mean, night school?

Yeah, I'm going to go to night school,

and I'm going to get a job too.

Oh, no, my wife is not going to take a job.

Great, Stan, you sound just like Fred Flintstone.

Hi. I'm Darcy Elliot. I mean Bobrucz, Darcy Bobrucz.

I think Miss Giles--

Oh, yes, I was expecting you.

Uh, class, we have a new student.

Say hello to Darcy.

Hi, Darcy.

Hi, Darcy.

Hi, Darcy.

Another one.

Uh, Darcy, would you like

to come here and sit with us?

Hi.

Hi.

How far along are you?

Hmm?

How far along are you?

Oh, halfway through senior year.

No, we mean the little stranger.

Oh. Six months.

Okay, class, time's up.

Papers to the front.

I don't know.

No, I think I need something bigger.

You know, size is very important to me.

Come on, Michaela.

So how's married life?

Good. Good.

It-- It's good.

Are you busy later?

My parents are sort of out of town.

You're not making me look good, Michaela.

My boss is watching

and we're closing in five minutes.

Well...

Maybe next time, Stan.

I'm sorry.

What happened?

She's sort of, uh, a problem.

Now she's a problem.

A minute ago, she was a customer.

Oh, lookit. Your friend's here.

Hey, Darce.

Is that what you're wearing to the prom?

Oh, my God.

Michaela, you're really so mean.

I'm just kidding.

Darce?

I'm in the Jacuzzi.

Oh, there's a letter for you on the table

from Caltech.

"Congratulations.

"You have been awarded a full scholarship

"in architecture.

"Your scholarship covers

"both tuition and dormitory costs.

"You will be required to perform 30 hours a week

"of work-study.

"In response to your recent inquiry,

Caltech does not provide freshman married housing."

What'd it say?

What are you doing?

I didn't want the goddamn thing anyhow.

You mean you didn't get it?

I didn't want it.

Oh, but still, you would have felt better

if you had turned them down, huh?

No, I wouldn't.

You're the world's worst liar.

I'm sorry.

Darcy.

I want to talk to you in my office now!

Wilma... Yoo-hoo, I'm home.

It's me, Fred. Fred Flintstone.

Your Bedrock lover.

Yabba-dabba-doo.

You don't like it.

Yeah, I like it.

It's...

I'm just not used to it yet.

I tried on my dress today,

for the prom.

I look like a Thanksgiving Day float,

and I also itch everywhere,

my ankles are fat,

there's something hanging out of my butt,

the article's not going well,

and now I have to get a haircut.

There's something hanging out of your what?

When you're pregnant,

sometimes you get hemorrhoids, okay?

Bummer.

Oh, I got fired.

You were going to quit anyway.

You know,

I hate to say this,

but there's something else wrong.

What?

Your foot.

What?

Yeah, there's some-- there--

It's just missing something.

What's wrong with my feet?

For ze prom.

No, Stan, I can't go to the prom.

They'll have to rent a bigger gymnasium.

You know, my cherie, Àif ze shoe fits,

you must leave everything behind,

move to the castle

avec moi...

and live happily ever after.

It fits.

So what do you think?

I don't know.

I can't see them.

I can.

And?

It's perfect...

just like you.

You got to hurry. It's fantastic.

You've got to see it.

It's a whole new approach to safe sex.

I left it in the trunk. It's a stuffed animal.

It's not a stuffed animal. You're going to love it.

Hey, Darce. How are you doing? Hi.

Bobrucz, remember, the tux turns into a pumpkin at midnight, huh?

I owe you one, buddy. All right. Come on.

I can do this, right? I mean, I can just--

You look beautiful, and sexy too.

Darcy, your hair looks great.

Oh, thanks.

You look so French.

Stan, it took me 10 minutes

to get out of the car.

How am I going to make it on the dance floor?

Simple. I rented a forklift.

Okay, now, if you two

will just stand on the white tape.

Good, good.

Okay, kids, look at the camera.

We want to look at each other.

I do this a hundred times a night, honey.

Come on, over here.

Come on, look at the camera.

Take the picture, please.

You're looking pretty foxy

in that tux, boy.

Darcy, hi.

I haven't seen you in so long.

Oh, my God...

You are huge.

Honey, you are lighter than air.

Oh, yeah, so's a blimp.

A blimp can't dance.

You know, I think this

is the best senior prom that we've ever been to.

It's the only senior prom we've ever been to.

I know.

That's why it's the best.

I sure hope Junior has your eyes.

Oh, wait a minute now.

What?

Who says this is going to be a junior?

All right.

What's the female word for junior?

Um, well, they say...

It's...

I don't know.

I guess they haven't invented a word yet.

We should invent one.

No, we got to invent a name.

Oh, you're right.

What were we on last night?

S's. S's?

Yeah.

Sara.

Stewart.

Nah.

No?

Stephanie.

S...

Sting.

Oh, yeah.

Sting. Definitely.

Sting Bobrucz.

Sting Bobrucz, that's beautiful.

What's happening?

I think the baby wants to cut in here.

My water broke.

Okay.

We're-- we're fine.

We're going to do it just like the book said, okay?

We prepared for this. Nice and easy, right?

Okay.

Okay.

All right?

Okay.

Come on, honey. Don't stop.

Can I have a pain killer? Please?

It'll hurt the baby right now.

You're doing fine. You're doing fine without it.

But I can't take it!

It's okay. It'll be over soon.

I can't take it!

Come on, do the pattern breathing.

NURSE: You're doing great. You're doing great, Darcy.

That's good.

Do the pattern breathing, come on.

Screw the pattern breathing!

I want a pain killer!

Come on.

Okay now, push down.

Push down. That's it.

A little harder. Push.

Little harder.

Push against my fingers, now.

Push against my fingers.

Real hard, now. Real hard.

Real hard. That's it. That's the way...

It's ripping! Ow! It's burning!

Keep it coming. Keep it coming.

Keep pushing.

That's it. That's it.

All right. Good! You got it. Push harder.

Come on, you can do it. I can't!

Push, push, push.

Now take a deep breath. Real quick breath.

That was a good push. That was great.

Baby's coming out.

Real quick breath.

This is close, guys. Push.

Real quick breath. We're getting close.

Push, push, push, push.

Okay, baby's head is out now.

Don't push.

Take a nice slow breath.

Good, Darcy. Oh, my God! Look at it!

Just breathe, okay?

It's a girl!

There she is.

Take a look at her. She looks great!

She's beautiful. That was terrific.

You're a brave girl.

Perfect.

Stan, would you like to cut the cord?

Isn't there someone a little more qualified?

Darcy, would you like to hold your daughter?

She's nice.

I want my mother.

Stan, would you get my mother?

Yeah.

DOCTOR: Let me suction her out a little bit more.

Doctor Dessick, Doctor David Dessick, line two.

Down right here, to the right.

If you could just speak to her calmly,

with sensitivity, she--

Mrs. Elliot, I've been an adoption liaison

for 10 years.

If she decides to give up her child,

she still has six months to change her mind.

No, no, she'll be in Paris by then,

and after that, college.

Um, excuse me.

I'm Mrs. Elliot, Darcy's mother.

Elliot?

Bobrucz. Darcy Bobrucz.

Oh, sure. Around the corner.

Three-C. Thank you.

And has Darcy seen her baby yet?

Has she seen her baby yet?

Well, I should say so.

Say hi to Grandma.

Oh, my God. We lose a lot of them this way.

Bye-bye.

Hello...

My God...

Dr. Latano, Dr. Jack Latano to Emergency.

Hi.

Hi.

How's my girl?

I saw her.

She's beautiful.

You cut your hair, huh?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I like it.

You know, I don't know why

I didn't think of this before.

We can all go to Paris.

Oh, you know, the Europeans

are so fabulous with babies.

They take them out to restaurants

11:00 at night, they give them wine when they're a day old.

Mom?

We'll stay in some quaint little hotel,

and we'll order up room service,

and we'll talk--

Mom.

Just forget the trip, okay?

Just-- Stan has to work.

No, I'm not talking about Stan.

Just you and me and the baby.

It'll be three generations of Elliots.

Mom, Stan's my husband.

I'm married. Well, what--

God, why can't you just be my mother?

Why can't you just crawl in bed with me right now

and put your arms around me?

Just what is it you want?

Just don't be my friend, okay?

But I am your friend.

No, I don't want that.

I... I can't.

It comes with all these strings.

When you're a mother, you just love somebody.

That's it.

Why can't I be your friend?

Just get out.

Darcy...

Just get out.

Leave me alone.

Okay.

I don't want to be your friend.

Shh.

Excuse me.

We only had one baby.

Oh, I know.

It does add up.

Here you are.

$750?

Mm-hmm.

We're on a payment plan.

Those are extras.

Extras?

Oh, wait, there's more.

Let me have that back.

You sure you don't want to hold her?

How could you name a baby Theadocia?

I mean, we kicked around names

like Jennifer and Leslie and Elizabeth.

I named her after my grandmother, okay?

I know, but Theadocia?

It sounds like a Greek fishing boat

or a crater on the moon or something.

We needed a name for the birth certificate.

I asked you what you wanted.

Look, call her anything you want.

Mr. Richard Lewis...

Just call her something, for Christ's sake.

Uh, Mr. Bobrucz?

...To emergency ward.

Sure you don't want to hold her?

Extra extras.

This is Jeopardy!

Now entering the studio, today's contestants...

A plumber from Antlers, Oklahoma,

let's welcome Johnny Lee Bartlett!

Is she breast feeding?

She doesn't even want to hold the baby.

The doctor says it's just a phase.

Her age, all the changes.

Hey, don't worry.

The natural tendency to mother will kick in.

I mean, it's a genetic animal instinct.

Like what? You mean, like "Wild Kingdom?"

Mm, sort of.

I don't know, man.

Maybe she didn't get enough oxygen to her brain

during the delivery.

Maybe she wanted a boy.

Because, you know, in China...

Oh, shh.

They only allow one kid per family,

so sometimes, if they have a girl first,

they'll kill it.

Retro! It's true!

What, do you want me to lie?

Stan, this is a complex manifestation of jealousy.

You're paying too much attention

to the other woman.

I didn't know you could pay too much attention to a baby.

Oh! Is that my niece?

Say hi to your Aunt Mary.

Oh. Hi, honey. How are you?

Oh, let me have that baby.

Oh, don't be upset.

Look at those teeny-weeny feet.

Look at those teeny-weeny feet!

Look at those ears!

Does Dad know you're here?

Are you kidding?

Where's Darcy?

She's in the bedroom.

Isn't she beautiful?

Oh. Oh...

First clue in this match

is the most famous son of the...

Hmm. Postpartum depression.

How did Stan and Darcy get the name?

What?

Did Stan and Darcy

name the baby after Grandma?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

How did Grandma get her name?

Oh, well, from her mother, of course.

My grandma, Theadocia.

Oh.

Grandma was nice.

I wish she wasn't in heaven.

Yeah, me too, Mare.

Was your grandmother nice?

Oh, nice?

Hey, my grandmother was the best.

Gee, I remember one time,

I was just about your age...

I broke a window at school

and my mother was away somewhere,

I don't know where.

Anyway, the principal called my grandmother

down to his office.

Did you get in trouble?

Whoa!

See, that's the thing of it.

The thing was,

not only did my grandmother pay for the window,

she didn't tell my father.

because if she had told my father,

I still wouldn't be able to sit down right,

you know what I mean?

Yeah.

See, that's the thing of it, Mare.

Grandparents, they love you so much,

that even when you do something wrong, you know,

they don't even see the wrong in it.

Dad.

Yeah?

Are you a grandparent?

Here, wear this

if you're going to be out in the sun.

Back with a third straight week,

our returning champion, a plumber

from Antlers, Oklahoma, Johnny Lee Bartlett.

Whoo!

Honey, baby, that stinks.

Whoo!

Oh, oh, my God,

we're talking Guinness Book here.

Whoo!

We're bronzing this one.

We are going to have to call the fire department

and hose this girl down.

Oh, you know, Mommy's not feeling well today.

You're going to have to tell her some of our funny stories

and make her laugh, okay?

How did that feel?

Mm... My princess.

Oh...

My little girl is squeaky-clean.

Mm...

Your daddy loves you so much.

Daddy's going to miss you tonight.

That's right.

Oh, you smell so good,

I think I'm going to have you for dinner when I come home,

you know that?

You want to hold her for a while?

She misses you, you know.

Hey, little girl,

your daddy loves you so much.

Here's your blanket.

Take care of Mr. Blondie for me,

all right?

And don't you pee on Mr. Pinkie.

She's all clean

and the formula's in the fridge.

I'm late.

I got to go back for inventory before Kolby kills me.

Um, I'll-- I'll lock up.

Bye.

Hope you feel better.

"I felt like

"when she was being ripped out from inside of me,

"everything I loved about being young

was being ripped out at the same time."

If I could just learn to understand her.

Hi. There's a man outside on my fire escape.

Outside of my window.

I live at 408-and-a-half North Vicker, second floor.

Darcy Bobrucz.

But can you please hurry?

B-O--

Look, I'm about to be murdered. Spell it any way you want.

It's okay, Thea.

Mommy's here.

Nobody's going to hurt my baby.

Yeah. Nobody'll hurt you.

It's okay.

Please, go away.

I just talked to the cops and they said

they're going to be here any second.

Besides, we don't even have any money.

We just got our second notice on our electric bill.

So go away. Please.

He's gone now.

That bad old man is gone.

You know, Mommy wouldn't let him hurt you.

Come on, now, Thea. Dinner's over.

It's time to go to sleep, Thea.

Your daddy's going to come home and he's going to be so happy.

Yeah, he loves you so much.

Mrs. Bobolitz?

Police.

Okay, just a minute.

It's the police.

Things are going to be just fine now.

Everything's going to be all right.

I'm coming.

Yeah, we got the guy you called about.

Oh, thank you.

There's only one thing, lady.

He says he knows you.

He knows me?

You want to press charges,

Mrs. Bobolitz?

Bobrucz.

Uh, no. No, no, thank you.

Would you like to come in?

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Thank you, officers. All right.

Thank you, officers.

I didn't mean to scare you or anything.

Would you like to see Thea?

She's in her crib.

Yeah.

I got some fresh oranges

and fresh apples and fresh pears.

Thea... Thea.

Fresh lemons.

Hello.

She's beautiful.

Thank you.

Would you like to hold her?

Yeah.

Here.

Oh, why don't you put that down first?

Oh.

Say hello to your grandpa.

I'll tell you one thing.

I don't care if she is a girl.

This kid's going to Caltech.

Um, secretary, secretary, secretary, medical--

Ooh, this looks good.

"Big bucks.

"Housewives, make extra cash in your spare time.

Telephone sales."

That means I could take Thea.

Darce, that's Thea's thermometer.

Hey, honey. Hi, Lila.

Hi, Bobrucz.

Hey, there's Theezer.

So what do you think of your old man, anyway?

Next week, he's a high school graduate,

and right now,

he's late for his roofing job

and he's got to change.

Wait a minute.

I got night school.

Besides, I thought your roofing job started next week.

They changed it. We need the money.

Come on, Darcy, I can't blow this gig.

Well, I can't blow night school, then I won't graduate.

This is really important.

Well, you, what,

you think graduating isn't important?

Come to Auntie Lila.

I'll read her a bedtime story. Oh, great.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, there's two bottles of milk

in the fridge,

and, uh, those are her diapers right there.

I know.

I love you lots. Bye, honey.

Okay. Don't worry about it.

Oh, Thea...

Thea, come on, sweetie.

"Once upon a time

"in the land of abnormal psychosis,

there lived a grand mal seizure..."

This is a real shit job.

The pay's bad, too,

but it's steady work,

and it cleans all the snot out of your nose.

I've been doing this for 20 years,

and I still love that smell of tar on a hot roof.

Ooh-la-la.

Someone's feeling very sexy.

They cut off the electricity, Stan.

What do you mean,

they cut off the electricity?

Didn't you pay the bill?

Of course I paid the bill,

but the check bounced because we had to make

a double hospital payment this month.

And what about these?

You don't take care of bills

by stuffing them in a shoe box.

Well, we didn't have the money to pay them.

What do you expect me to do?

We're in deep shit, Darcy. No kidding.

We have to do a little belt-tightening, that's all.

We're going to have to do more than that.

Hopefully, I'll have a job by next week, and maybe

it's just time that we asked your dad for some money.

What? I do not take handouts.

Oh, sure, better let Thea starve

than hurt your precious pride.

We'll do less entertaining,

and there's no reason in God's green earth

that we have to have chocolate milk

in the fridge at all times or French goddamn-roast

goddamn coffee with goddamn cinnamon.

You know, Thea's medication is costing us a fortune.

Now Dr. Barrick is hounding us for his bill,

and you know we spend $35 a week on disposable diapers?

Why in the hell

are you buying disposable diapers?

What's wrong with the cloth kind,

like my mom used on me, huh?

You know, you sounded exactly like your father

when you just said that.

I don't have a father.

Stan, this is not getting us anywhere, okay?

We got to do some planning.

What about college?

How are we going to pay for college?

College? What are you, in outer space?

We can't pay our electric bill!

Forget college, Darcy.

We're not going.

Wait, let's think about this, okay?

I mean, what about next year?

Maybe we can save up.

We're going to be here next year,

and the year after that.

This is it, home sweet home.

I'm a roofer.

And you, if you're lucky,

you'll go to beauty school.

We really aren't going, are we?

We're really not going to go anywhere.

Oh, yeah?

I am.

I'm going out for a beer.

Oh, well, good.

Well, why don't you just rob a bank

while you're at it?

You shouldn't leave your baby alone.

I didn't leave her alone.

The kid's been crying all afternoon.

Somebody ought to turn you in.

You can't leave a baby alone like that.

I didn't!

That's it. End of the month, you're out!

Stan, what are you doing?

I fed her.

I changed her. I rocked her.

I tried everything.

Well, maybe she's sick. Did you take her temperature?

Oh, my God, she's burning up.

Feel her forehead.

Feel her goddamn forehead!

I'm calling the doctor.

We don't have a phone!

We don't have a phone because we couldn't pay the bill!

Dr. Sloan, Dr. Herbert Sloan, line seven.

Dr. Slatches, Dr. Harvey Slatches, maternity.

Dr. Benrob, Dr. Joyce Benrob, line 27-B.

Mr. Bobrucz, your baby's fine.

Doctor gave her

a little shot of penicillin.

You can take her home in a few hours.

I was just wondering. Who will be taking care of the bill?

My mother's going to pay for it.

All right, I'll make a copy.

Thank you.

Your mother?

Yeah, I just talked to my mom.

What'd she say?

Here's the thing.

We're going to move in with her.

I really, really think that's a bad idea.

Well, I really don't care

what you think right now, okay?

Mrs. Bobrucz?

Dr. Orsham, Dr. Ed Orsham, code nine.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Oh, yeah? Okay.

Um, hold on for a second. It's Lila. She says that,

uh, everybody's going to go to the lake tonight.

She says that she'll come by and pick us up if we want her to.

I don't want to go.

Why not?

Come on, it'll be fun.

We can say goodbye to everybody

before they go off to school.

You go. I don't want to.

No, I guess not.

No, I know,

but we have a lot of stuff

we need to do around here.

Yeah.

Okay, well, you have a good time, okay?

Say goodbye to everybody for me.

Yeah, I'm all right.

Call me when you get back.

Bye.

What's she doing here?

I thought she was with her French club buddies.

I don't know.

I thought so too.

Stan, come on, put your shirt on, okay?

Do me a favor.

Do not start with her today, okay?

It's hot in here.

Hello, I'm home.

Oh, you're eating, good.

I threw that old stew in the crock pot this morning.

How'd it turn out, huh?

Magnifique.

Oh, you're so sweet.

It's probably awful, huh?

Hi, baby girl.

Oh, my, are we shy, Stan?

Come on.

We don't have any rules in this house...

And we drink wine with our meals.

Cabernet Sauvignon, of course.

Right, Darcy, huh?

Mm-hmm.

You know, honey, I've been thinking

about what you said,

and you're right.

There's no reason why I can't be your mother

and your best friend.

We can talk about this later, okay?

Yeah, I approach everything as a learning experience.

We just have to juggle all of the roles,

don't we, Thea?

Yeah, and as a special treat tonight,

I'm going to put the baby in my room

so you can get some rest.

That way, Thea can sleep with me

just the way Darcy used to, huh?

You won't have to listen to that old daddy snore, huh?

Yeah.

I don't want beer in this house.

The smell reminds me of your father.

Tell him to use a coaster, would you, honey, please?

She's driving me crazy. Shh.

Last week, she told you you had too much lipstick,

and that pissed me off.

She's a mother. They do that.

Oh, yeah?

They put notes on the toilet

telling you to put the seat down?

Okay, fine, we'll move in with your dad.

Oh... Shh.

Oh, great, now we can't even talk.

We can talk.

Just don't make that noise.

It sounds like we're making love.

Oh, it's so cute the way you say that--

"making love."

How about making hot, sweaty, stinky sex?

Oh, Darcy, baby, do it to me.

Oh, Stan, shut up!

Oh, Darcy! Oh, faster!

Shh!

Faster, faster!

Please, honey, don't do this to me!

Stan, get down! I mean it!

Oh, where'd you learn that?

I cannot believe you.

Oh, that's great! That's great!

This is really disgusting.

Oh, you want more?

Oh, you are something, Darcy.

Oh! Oh! Don't do this to me!

Stan, come on!

You love it! You know you love it!

Oh, Darce, oh, do it faster!

Stop it right now, please.

Don't pound so hard.

Oh, yes!

Stan... Come on!

You love it. You know you love it.

You're going to break the bed!

Oh, oh, oh...

This is really sleazy.

I can't believe you.

You are something.

Oh, you are out of control.

Stan, get down!

I am getting down.

Get down right now, Stan.

This isn't funny.

Excuse me, you wouldn't happen

to have a cigarette, would you?

Uh, no, I-- I don't smoke.

Oh, well, thanks anyway.

Goodnight.

Huh?

Goodnight.

Oh, my God.

She doesn't smoke, she says.

Where are you going?

I'm going to sleep with my mother.

Good. Good.

I always thought

somebody should be sleeping with your mother.

Now where are you going?

The same place I always go. Out.

Nice.

Nice.

Excuse me, fellow.

The lady wants to buy you

a box of Pampers.

My treat, Stan.

So everybody's heading out next week, huh?

Hey, it's okay.

You don't need to keep up the conversation.

You don't have to talk

or worry about any bills you have to pay.

* I had it all

Stan, you're a kid.

I think you forgot about that for a while.

* You were my love

What Darcy did to you was lame.

Really lame.

* And nobody else

Do you know how long I've been listening

to my Dad rave on about Caltech?

Since I was 10 years old.

I even learned their goddamn fight song.

You'll never know how I felt

when I was accepted.

How'd she talk you out of that?

She never even knew I got in.

But you know what?

When it all came down,

getting married, the baby, all of it...

* Now my life's...

I found out that...

the feelings I had for Darcy were stronger than...

I could've had for just about anything.

You see, it wasn't lame.

It was... it was love.

I've got to go.

Thanks a lot.

Welcome to the Pork Pit. May I take your order?

I'll have, uh, two slabs of baby back ribs

and an order of coleslaw.

Two cages and a side of slaw.

You're a new little piggly-wiggly,

aren't you?

Now, you sit down and waitc for your number to be called.

Oh. Okay.

Hi, Darcy.

You know, Stan and I had a couple of beers

the other night, but he didn't mention

you were learning a new trade.

Ribs or rinds, Michaela?

Unfortunately, nothing happened,

but he did mention

how excited he was when he got accepted to Caltech.

He didn't get in to Caltech.

Do you want to order, or what?

Come on.

Of course he got in,

but he turned it down because of you.

How could you believe he didn't get in?

He was an A student.

How can you be so smart and so dumb?

I wish I had a guy like Stan who'd blow away

the rest of his life for me.

Ha. What a waste.

Excuse me?

Is my order ready yet?

Here you go, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, Bobrucz.

That's right.

Oh, so the scholarship's still good?

He can still go?

Okay, great.

Yeah, you just go ahead and enroll him.

Yeah, he'll be there.

Okay, thank you very much.

Goodbye.

So that's it?

That's it.

Somebody cancelled.

So are you thinking of going with him?

Nah, there's no married housing for undergrads.

He has to put in 30 hours a week work-study

and with no income it just would never work.

I guess that's why he never told me.

So what are you and Thea going to do?

Oh, we'll be just fine.

Yeah, well, what about Madison

and journalism and all that stuff?

Look, I'll worry about that, okay?

You just worry about making sure he gets on a plane by Thursday.

Oh, and make sure that he gets enough underwear, okay?

Yeah, but Darce--

Chris, they write bad country songs about this, okay?

I mean, the wife gets tied down too young,

he ends up hating the wife,

hating the kid, hating everybody,

hating himself.

It's just better this way, okay?

Thanks a lot.

Bye.

Bye.

I've got to take care of his underwear.

Hey, honey, I'm sorry

I didn't come home last night.

You have to go.

I did some thinking.

I got it all worked out.

Did you hear me?

I said you have to go.

I can't go anywhere.

I just got here.

You have to leave.

Stan, you've got to move out now.

I'll apologize to your mother.

No, it's not about my mother.

It's about us!

I'm not happy.

You're not happy.

You don't come home,

and when you do come home, you usually--

We'll work it out, Darcy. There's a lot of stuff now,

and we said that once, that we could--

I want a divorce.

Come on, we just got married.

Fine, I'll have it annulled.

It's not a legal marriage anyway.

Honey, you're tired.

I said, get out!

Darcy, what is eating you?

Now. Get out!

What are you talking about?

This is my house.

Just get up, just walk out the door.

No!

Do you hear me? This is my house!

Get out of my house!

Darcy, come on!

Don't you think you'd better leave?

I knew I would've been a great architect.

You are going to be a great architect,

but you've got to go to school first.

Look, Stan, maybe you should just can

all this family stuff

and get on with what you're supposed to be doing.

Forget it.

Look, I got to tell you something.

I called Caltech and found out

your scholarship is still good.

You did what?

It turns out that somebody cancelled

and you can have their spot.

We've got to be there Thursday.

You called Caltech?

Yeah, and you can go, so don't blow it.

Does Darcy know all this?

How would Darcy know?

Chris?

There's someone here to see Stan.

Who the hell's that?

I don't know.

Maybe it's Darcy.

Hey, Stan, how much underwear do you got?

Stanley Michael Bobrux?

Bobrucz.

I've been authorized by the state of Wisconsin

to serve you with these annulment papers.

What the hell is that, huh?

Hey, I don't want this!

Hey, Stan?

I don't want this!

Take this back!

Yeah, well, that's great, Bucko.

Only one problem. We were never married!

Never married?

What do you mean, you were never married?

I was there. I saw you.

We weren't 18 yet.

We lied. You know that.

So? That's no big deal.

STAN: Darcy!

Darcy, you don't understand!

Oh, my God.

What must the neighbors think?

I'm trying to tell you how I feel, okay?

Please, I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to run out on nobody!

That does it.

I'm calling the police.

Mom, don't!

Well, he needs to go for some counseling.

We were married. We have a baby!

Or did you forget?

I didn't forget, because I love you!

Goddamn it!

And you love me!

You said you loved me, and we had a baby!

Goddamn it!

We have a baby.

Thea!

Oh, come on,

give me one more chance, please!

I'm so fucking sorry.

I'm going to go talk to him.

You stay right there!

You're finished talking to him.

Give me one more chance.

I love you. Please!

Goddamn it!

Please open the door!

I'm sorry!

Well, if you're going to put him in jail,

will you just make sure to tell 'em

that he has to be out by Thursday

because he has to be in school in California, okay?

Oh.

Okay.

Sure, that's no problem.

Okay, Boobcress.

On your feet.

You're getting out.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Thanks for coming down.

Forget it. Let's go home.

Come in.

Oh, hey, you busy?

I'll come back.

No, it's all right.

Oh.

So what are you going to do about Caltech?

I've got to decide by Thursday.

Maybe I should go, huh?

The chance of a lifetime.

Still haven't heard from Darcy?

You love her a lot, don't you?

Oh, God, Dad, she's...

Whenever I try to see

the rest of my life without her,

I can't even breathe.

Well...

Then you're going to have to go for it,

otherwise you'll live with regret.

I remember one time,

I was crazy in love with this girl. She was so beautiful.

I couldn't stop thinking about her,

not even for one minute.

Drove me nuts.

So what'd you do?

I married her, had three kids.

I love you, Dad.

How'd I get such a skinny kid?

Rae Warland?

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Ron Califarro?

Darcy Elliot Bobrucz?

Congratulations, Darcy.

Paul Eshaw?

Congratulations.

Ruth Leigo?

Muriel Gusman?

Lou Comacho?

Congratulations, Lou.

And to Darcy Elliot Bobrucz,

who did the right thing.

Yes, dear, who saw the mountain--

And almost fell right off it.

Be careful.

Oh, we're so proud of Mommy, aren't we?

Now my baby's a big girl, huh?

And you're free to make

all your own choices now.

Darcy!

Darcy!

Excuse me, young man.

May I help you?

Yeah, I'm Darcy's husband.

I don't want a scene now.

Come on. Good night.

Good night.

Darcy, please?

Darcy, will you please wait?

Stan.

Come on, sit in the front.

Darcy, wait up!

I got to talk to you!

Wait!

Wait, please.

Hands off the car.

Come on, Mrs. Elliot, give me a break.

Look, Stan, you're a good kid.

You tried your best,

but if you love Darcy, give her a chance.

I can help her make something of herself.

She was doing fine by herself, Mrs. Elliot.

That really makes you nervous, doesn't it?

Stan, stop it, okay?

We gave it our best shot.

We just couldn't cut it, that's all!

Hey, I love you.

I'll never stop loving you.

Thea, tell her.

Here, these are for you.

There's something inside.

This is for Thea.

Congratulations.

I'm sorry I was late. I went to Madison today.

I put in for scholarships

for the both of us.

Journalism and architecture.

I gave Ronald your baby article.

You did what?

He loved it. He wrote you a letter.

He wants to publish it in the paper.

Here's some stuff on married housing

and childcare co-ops.

You see, she's not crying.

She likes the sound of it.

Stan, please go to California, okay?

They're holding your place.

Don't blow it this time!

Holding my place?

How did you know?

That's why you kicked me out!

That's why you kicked me out!

You still love me, don't you, Darcy?

Darcy, you still love me!

Darcy!

Believe me, honey,

it is just as well that he left now,

because he would have left someday anyway.

Do you remember when Daddy left, huh?

I'm just trying to tell you, honey, that...

That sooner or later...

Everybody leaves.

That's just what love's all about.

Oh, but that's not it, Mom.

That's not what love's all about.

Love is about sticking around.

Did you know that Stan did get into Caltech?

Did you know that?

But he didn't go because he loves me

and he cares and me and he cares about Thea.

Stan doesn't just disappear when something bad happens...

Like I do.

Look, Mom, you have a choice to make.

Either you love all of us or none of us.

You better take this. It's going to get chilly later.

Thanks.

Stan!

Stan?

Stan!

Stan!

Where's Darcy?

Could you give me a hint?

She went looking for you back at the school.

Thanks.

Well, I guess we really blew it this time, didn't we, Thea?

Come on, let's get you home.

Darcy!

Stan?

Darcy! Oh, Stan...

I'm so sorry. I never meant--

Darce, that doesn't mean anything.

Forget Caltech.

That's all you ever talked about.

That's all you ever wanted.

I want you. I want Thea.

Okay, what about my mother?

It's okay, we talked.

Okay, what about, I mean--

Did you look inside the flowers?

This one doesn't bend.

It's beautiful.

See, I was, um...

I was hoping maybe you'd want to marry me.

I guess you got yourself a wife.

Oh, God.

We'd better get Thea home.

It's way past her bedtime.

You know, when this kid's

a teenager, she's going to have a curfew.

Definitely.

10:00.

Maybe 11:00,

if they're really in love.

If they're really in love, 8:00.

I love you, Darcy.

I love you, Stan.

* The night we met I knew I *

* I needed you so

* And if I had the chance

* I'd never let you go

* So won't you say You love me *

* I'll make you So proud of me *

* We'll make them Turn their heads *

* Every place we go

* Come on and be my Be my baby *

* Be my little baby

* My one and only baby

* Say you'll be my darling

* Be my Be my baby *

* Be my baby now

* Oh, yeah

* I'll make you happy, baby

* Just wait and see

* For every kiss you give me

* I'll give you three

* 'Cause from the day I saw you *

*I have been waiting for you

* You know I will adore you

* Till eternity

* Come on and be my Be my baby *

* Be my little baby

* My one and only baby

* Say you'll be my darling

* Be my Be my baby *

* Be my baby now

* Oh, everybody

* Be my, Be my baby *

* My one and only baby

* Oh, oh

* Be my Be my baby *

* Be my baby now

* Oh, yeah

* Be my Be my baby *

* My one and only baby

* Oh...