Original subtitles

That's what I told him.

Yeah.

No, the whole night.

That's what it was going on about.

Yeah.

No, it became like the running joke everybody's talking about.

Hang on. I got a text.

Wait, wait.

I'm going to call you back.

Yeah, this is an important text message this month.

All right.

I'll speak to you soon.

We have a response.

Ah, we might have it here tonight or tomorrow.

Maybe I should wait to reply. I don't want to look too eager about it.

What if she gets all moody again?

I'll have the worst day of my life and I - I'd order a guilt, please.

Oh yeah, let's do it. I'm gonna go scan her.

What the hell were you doing in my house? I'm your guardian angel.

What are you doing?

Cool outfit, by the way. It's my work uniform.

I have to wear it when I'm around you.

Okay.

I was going to go see my ex -girlfriend.

When is that ever a good idea?

A little bit. This is weird. I have to explain it to you.

I just wanted to... Go fucking.

She cheated on you last time.

How do you know this stuff? I'm your guardian angel. I know everything about

you.

Sure.

Well, I haven't got any better options right now, so that would be awful.

What do you mean you don't have any better options?

You have better options. Like what?

What do you mean like what? Did you even do your daily chores today?

Do you have any bills to pay?

How about your garden? It's looking a little rank right now. You could be

putting all of your energy into that instead of going off and fucking some

Like, that's just a bad idea.

Oh, the fucking is so much fun.

The computer stuff isn't fun.

The work in the garden isn't fun. Working out isn't fun.

Yeah.

You just need some endorphins going. You just need to calm down.

You're too focused on pussy right now. If you were to work out and maybe just

chill out, it wouldn't be that bad. You'd probably have more self -control.

So, come on. Let's just... I'll help you with your bills.

We'll go on your computer.

We'll go through everything. I'll just help you.

Because I can't have you messing this up right now.

Okay. And then, after that, you'll go away?

Maybe.

So I have to do this?

Get work done?

Well, yeah, I guess it'll be better to be paying your bills and being a

responsible adult than be distracted by her.

I'm not mad about this.

This is good.

It's about time you're actually kind of doing something productive right now and

not in the name of pussy.

Look at me, paying my bills.

Jesus, that's expensive. How much water do you use?

Look. Is that, that's unusual?

That's a really high bill for like one person.

How about... How many unread emails do

you have? Maybe we should go through that.

No one checks emails a lot.

It's probably why you have 3 ,000 unread emails.

It's falling down your computer and everything.

I can just get a few more useful things done.

I feel like we're making progress and then I'll feel good that I, you know, I

did stuff today. I've got things done.

Well, yeah, you're not doing so bad.

Um, oh.

I'm going to click on that.

What the fuck is this?

She kind of looks like my ex -girlfriend.

She's hot.

You're so dumb right now.

Really? This is what boys do.

You're being ridiculous right now. Are you fucking serious?

It's always weird when you watch me do this. So you can't even go back to

your bills right now? You just have to bring your cock out every time?

You can't even go on your computer for five minutes without looking at boobs?

Wow, they're nice boobs.

And she does, I like looking at girls who kind of look like her, you know?

To make me find some.

Yeah, I love jerking off to girls who look like the girls who give me crabs.

I'm going to bookmark this one.

Just, like, stop. Just stop.

Why can't... Just stop it. Get your hand out of your pants.

Why don't... Just close out of this.

Why don't you just, like, go garden? That's what we do in heaven. We just...

When we need to, like, clear our head, you know, we just go garden.

We need to go outside. You need to cool off.

You really do ruin these sexy moments.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Go gardening. That's your best suggestion.

Yes. We're going to go trim some trees.

Trimming trees. I guess it's good to get out in the sun. Yeah.

Vitamin.

This is too distracting. I don't know why you said go on the computer. You

I'm going to click on the pop -up thing. Well, I didn't know that you didn't

have enough self -control to be on a computer and not look at porn for five

minutes. Boobs. I saw the boobs. You've got to click on the boobs when you see

good ones.

Alright, let's not do computers.

Yeah, I think that you can't do computers.

Alright, yeah, I'm trying to take my mind off it. Uh, trees, let me get

and get in the gardening, get my gloves and stuff.

Yeah, we'll get water, we'll get everything.

Like, we just gotta go outside.

You're done here.

One more look.

Oh, are you fucking kidding me?

Just one more look. I'm gonna unplug it.

Let me just say that I'm gonna bookmark it for when you're not watching me.

I'm always watching.

Yeah, you're really weird.

Come

on,

isn't this so much better?

I do appreciate your encouragement. It feels nice energy, good vibes out here.

But it's not quite the same as doing some banging, you know?

But this is so much better! And this doesn't come with any, like...

Nasty consequences.

Well, at some point I need to relieve some tension, you know? Then why don't

jerk off?

Well, it's not the same as it gets a bit repetitive, a bit boring after a while.

If you get bored a bit, why don't you just use some lube?

I don't know what to tell you. At least when you jerk off, you don't have to,

like, worry about anything after.

I'm trying to keep you out of trouble right now.

You make it so hard for me.

Well, I don't think it is trouble. I think it's good for human beings to do

sexy time with each other, you know?

Well, I think it's big trouble whenever you're having sex with these girls who

are really toxic and give you crabs and cheat on you.

And I'm trying to keep you out of trouble. I'm your guardian angel, for

sakes. It's my job.

Yeah, but all you have to say is you should jerk off.

You know, just boring.

But this is my job, too. You do realize that every time that you mess up, it

comes back on me, right?

Well... You do know that.

Are you going to give me three wishes or something?

Do I look like a genie to you?

Genies? I don't know. I don't have a lamp for you to rub.

Don't you have some kind of special powers or something?

No, the only special thing I can do for you is tell you don't sleep with girls

who give you crap.

Here we go again.

I'm just thinking, you know, what if we had one wish, buy one, get two free or

something. You know, you have a special offer.

I don't know. I wish I got wishes so I can be like, oh, hey, I wish Clark would

stop, you know, fucking up.

That way he would quit going back on me because I have to hear about it.

When I'm not dealing with you, I'm dealing with them.

My bosses.

For all of eternity.

Fucking tell me about it.

I just, you know, it'd be good if you had some better suggestions, Evelyn.

do that. That's all I hear. It's like I have my mom with me all the time telling

me what to do. Okay, fine.

If you don't want to take the time to garden help out with this, why don't we

try, like, working out? Like, working out some aggressions. It's hot out here

anyway.

To get some endorphins flowing would be a good idea. Yeah, exactly.

Get some dopamine going. Won't be so worried about pussy.

Ready?

All right, let's go.

There you go. Come on. Pump it up.

Pump it up. You're doing good.

This is so much better than going to see her.

It's better than sitting on the couch, too.

Well, yeah.

It looks good in the mirror. See, look.

I could do some fucking like this.

Worry about that later. Come on. Keep pumping it up. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You're getting distracted.

Yeah.

You know what? Show me something else. Do something different.

You're like a personal trainer now?

Yeah, I'm really good. Keep showing something different.

Okay. Keep going.

Get that testosterone pumping.

This is a good testosterone booster.

Yeah, you're welcome.

This will improve my boner power.

All right, keep going.

All right, pump it up. You're doing good.

Pump up my cock for a fucking... No, okay, sorry, carry on.

It's a bit of a waste of all these muscles. What if I never use them for

anything? You're using them right now. Yeah, but that's, you know, banging.

Banging. It's the fucking.

Is pussy really that important to you? It's the most important thing ever.

Are you serious?

Yeah. What's more important than that?

So if you just have pussy, you'll calm down and you'll be fine?

Yeah. Can we do that? Can I go?

Well, how about maybe, like,

Divine pussy.

Hang on. You can touch things?

You can't feel my hands?

Well, I happen to free will a lot.

You... I mean... I feel pretty free and you feel pretty free right now. I'm not

complaining. I just thought you were kind of breaking the rules.

You know, the rules sometimes I feel like you have to sin a little bit in

to do the right thing.

And my boss says you keep fucking up.

My bosses are getting really mad at me, and if I just, you know, help you out

with this, maybe you can help me out. I mean, I have an idea.

You just sit down, relax a little bit, and maybe, like, I can show you some

things. Hmm.

That sounds good to me.

Now this, this is how angels do it.

Oh my gosh. You weren't lying. You are ready.

Oh my god.

Your cock is bigger than what I remembered.

Must be weird having a divine tongue on your cock, huh?

It feels real.

You know not everyone gets to fuck their guardian angel like this.

You're really lucky.

thanks you're welcome

Thank you.

Whoa.

Mmm.

My boss is going to get mad if I lose my hat.

is divine.

students then, huh?

Want to come for a ride?

I guess they teach you this stuff in heaven, huh?

The high closed door.

This is so fucking good.

Oh.

Can you stand up and suck it from there?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Amen. Amen.

listen to me.

Oh my god, you covered me.

That tastes so good.

Don't tell nobody.

This is between us, remember?

You just have to start listening to me now. You can't go run off and fuck your

ex anymore.

Okay, well, that's the deal, right? If I'm horny, I can call on you?

Better me than her. At least I won't give you cries.

Hmm.

Good point there.