Original subtitles

Hey.

Hey.

How's your tour going?

It's fine.

I mean, some of the shows have been good and some have sucked ass.

Whatever.

Well, I have something to cheer you up.

Yesterday, I got rid of our old growth couch and I got us a new one.

You got rid of my favorite couch?

Yeah, it's sitting on the street.

I did you a favor.

Seriously.

I feel bad for whatever homeless person comes and picks it up, honestly.

I've had that couch since I was in high school.

You're not supposed to have couches for that long.

That was my special couch. All the grooves and the holes were in the right

place. I was so excited to come home from tour and sit on my couch, and now I

have nothing to look forward to. My life is empty and full of darkness.

Oh, my God. You're being so dramatic.

I had a lot of memories on that couch.

You mean, like, sex with people and sometimes watching TV?

Don't you remember when you first met me? I lived in the band house with all

other guys.

Yeah, how could I forget?

Yeah, well, my couch was the sex couch.

All sex happened on that couch. It was a rule with everyone and all the sex.

Well, it's time for some new memories on a new couch. I mean, look at it. It's

really nice.

See? I don't touch that couch.

I gotta go.

It's time to make the memories on a new couch.

Hold on.

I'm good.

What's up, um, with the camera?

Oh, I'm, um, I'm making a little video for Aaron.

Ooh, hey, daddy.

How you doing?

Wait, what are we making this video for?

Oh, um, come here. Let me show you. It's kind of hard to explain. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

They got a new couch?

They did, yeah.

Aaron's actually, like, kind of upset about it. I don't know. He really likes

his old couch, and he doesn't trust this couch.

Well, I say let's test it out.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. It's getting real. Oh, yeah. I'm taking off the shoes. All right.

Yeah. You should put the camera down.

Whoa. It's holding up pretty well.

This is a good couch.

It is a pretty good couch. This is a really good balsa bed.

Why

not?

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

My nose.

When they put my nose at home. Of course.

I don't know. When your friend invites you to lose her couch.

And it's ratchet.

Why not?

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

When life gives you lemons, you masturbate.

So y 'all are very cooperative.

You know what?

I feel like it's not as hard as it should be. Yeah, right?

What is this?

that I seem to do the job.

Uh, no.

I'm not really.

You know what?

What?

I need some real cock to break in this couch.

Yeah, I wish I had one.

I thought that was good enough with the flimsy dildo. Come on, bitch, you know I

take real dick.

Aren't you dating, like, A bunch of different guys. Should we call one of

New couch, new dick.

We know this.

That's a really good point.

What to do. Hold on. You keep doing that. I'm going to post a picture on

my Twitter and say there's a really horny girl on my couch and I'll see who

responds.

The fucking guy that sold me this couch.

What? Yeah.

Who sold you this couch?

I don't know. It's kind of creepy, but kind of charming old guy that I, you

know, found on Craigslist. He lives down the street.

He said that he is also really horny and he knows a lot about the couch.

Oh, my God.

It was his.

That is so hot. Oh, I am so fucking horny. Bring me that cock.

Tell them to come now.

Really? Yes. You are a total stranger on this couch.

Uh, we need a freaking little couch.

No.

This isn't doing it.

All right.

Keep doing that.

Hey,

Donna. Hi.

You're on.

Good to see you again. Your name is Steve, right?

Yes, I'm Steve. Hi.

Hi. Thanks for coming here.

What can I help you with?

Oh, yeah, well, I have a really horny girl upstairs, like you saw

in the picture I posted, and she needs some help breaking in the couch.

My husband, he doesn't trust the couch. It's kind of a long story, so I just

want to film you guys using it.

I can make you trust the couch. Can you? It's a great couch.

Yeah, you sold it to me. Yeah, yeah. I figured you... Yeah, thanks so much for

coming over. I had no idea.

Yeah, come and meet my friend.

She's here to come, yes?

Yeah, she just died. She needs more guidance.

I don't know about charming, but creepy, yes.

This is a very, very nice couch, but I must say, my friend's a little

worried that we might not be able to fuck on this couch.

Oh, don't worry.

Yeah, he's crazy.

He doesn't trust the couch.

Had so much sex on his old couch, he doesn't even know what he can do on this

couch. It's really weird. Listen, I had a lot of sex on this couch. You might

tell from the spots around here.

So it's actually great for all kinds of things.

All kinds?

Yeah, masturbating is great.

I'd love to masturbate on this couch.

I understand. I mean, this is a very nice couch to masturbate on.

Yeah, and it's a great combination. I love...

Look, that pink tongue to that red coat.

Beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? Oh, it matches.

Yeah. Is that why it's red?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And also, when you have menstruation, it just

doesn't... Just blends in. Just blends in.

You know, ladies.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Makes life easier that way, doesn't it?

But if you want... some, like, interaction, I'm happy to help. Please

demonstrate. Show me.

She's ready.

It's perfect.

Like this, I think.

Is this how we do it on the couch?

Oh,

I mean, oh.

I hung my butthole first.

You haven't even taken me out to dinner yet.

Oh, Jordan, I think this couch is actually pretty nice. Is that always the

that you use on the couch? Yeah, especially when I have guests, so they

some visuals.

Oh, this is our, we are the guests.

You are guests.

It's actually very good for all kind of oral sex.

I mean, if you want to try.

Of course, I mean, it's only necessary to try.

You must try it.

This couch is terrible.

And also her lipstick matches.

Oh, it also matches. I see.

And it doesn't actually match that one.

And you know,

I've used it before.

Don't worry, you can drool all over it. And it just adds to the

appeal.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Your friend is really pretty.

So you're going to show that to your husband? Yeah, I'm going to show it to

so he can see that he can have new memories on this couch.

Would you do me a favor?

Yeah. Just stand on this couch and we'll see. It's very durable.

Just stand on this couch.

This way?

Yeah, and now just stick your ass right in my face. Oh, I see. This is a new

seating arrangement.

Oh, you're right.

And I feel so, I mean, grounded right here.

I think Aaron's really gonna like this couch.

Do you like that? Oh, I love it. I love this couch.

Oh, that was perfect.

That was perfect.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Do you mind if I get a little comfortable?

Oh, get comfortable.

Can I take off my jacket? I think it's all right. Is that okay if I get

comfortable? Yes, you're getting comfortable.

Oh, you're also getting comfortable.

Don't worry.

Come here.

Chana, if you want to sit here, and now you can take this hand, and

you're going to lend me a hand.

And you see, it's so, so good for group exercise.

It's not just for... This is what friends do when they have to get us on

couch.

We're very happy because it works for all kinds of combinations.

I really like your French. What's your name?

Gina. Gina. It's a pleasure.

That's a joke, man.

French, I see.

I should take you with me when I'm selling couches. I think we would be a

team.

You know what? I just got fired from my old job, so this would really help me

out. Oh, absolutely.

I think it helps me selling a lot of couches.

You know what? Can you help me out, though?

Of course.

Can you help me out and give me some coffee?

Yeah? Yeah.

Use my pussy.

I would love to.

Use his pussy and use the food couch.

Okay. You think that's a great combination?

Just get a little comfortable.

So it can penetrate your vagina.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, Tori, just breathe over here. Just breathe over here.

Yes, yes.

Oh, no, there's a new couch.

There's a new couch.

Yeah, that's how you breathe in the couch.

That's how you breathe in the couch.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Their pussy is wet and wet.

Oh, yeah.

I think it's a little bit of both. A nice couch and a nice penis.

Oh, thank you.

Are you getting all this joy? I am.

I'm really happy. I love

this couch.

You know, is it a coincidence or is it a meaning

that cook and couch both cats would see?

There must be

a

deeper cause in it.

Why don't you do it here?

Sit here.

Sit here.

Oh, my God.

Every part of me.

Oh, fuck.

I show you something.

extra, I mean, you know, the height of this is

perfectly made.

Yes.

Ah,

I see.

Holy God, yeah!

And then, of course, it's also good for watching TV.

And when you watch TV, imagine there's the TV set. Just come.

And then it's a great... Yes, yes, just come this way.

And then it's a perfect...

Oh, this is perfect.

You see, now, the news, and we can watch the news, and... Uh -huh, and

fun at the same time. Fun at the same time.

Do you like to come to the news? Yes, yes, I do like to come to the news.

Or if you're more in a workout mode, instead of going to the gym,

you just relax.

This guy has some really great ideas.

He's very innovative.

It's good for the abs. It's good for your... I have no idea.

It's good for your gym.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh...

If your boyfriend falls asleep on the cow's feet, come and wake him up.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

So, Carla, do you think your boyfriend's going to like that?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You're just squeezing me out.

Oh,

fuck.

Give me, give me, give me water.

And if you really want it nice and tight, you can start more in this count.

That looks like a happy girl and a good couch.

Good couch and a happy girl.

Hey, look.

Wow. Thank you.

Mom,

would you like to have a seat alone?

Of course, of course.

Here,

get yourself a hospital.

Oh, my God.

And just in case for your boyfriend, if one day you are not available or

if there is no neighbor or friend of yours, of course, he can also fuck the

couch without somebody helping.

Wow, that is innovation right there. I mean, just in

case, you know.

I admire you.

But of course it's nicer to share it with them.

Especially friends who are so open.

Let me prove the durability of the couch.

to send couches to the whole neighborhood with you.

Good business idea.

Oh, fuck.

You know what?

Oh, my God. You just keep having to do my pushes like that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, dear. Come on.

I mean, yeah. Yeah, just like that dirty fucking couch.

Come inside of me.

Yeah. Oh, I love you. Come inside of me. Yeah, I love you.

Yeah, yeah.

Where did you want the cow?

Where did you want it? Inside my pussy. Inside your pussy?

You're such a dirty fucking girl. You're going to let this stranger right here

come inside your pussy. He's a shy, creepy old man.

I love him.

Let me have his baby. You're such a fucking dirty girl.

Put your face here.

Okay. And I'm going to put it inside of her. Give the lady what she wants.

Okay. Your Yelp review says customer service. Yes, yes, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Customer satisfaction.

Push it. Push it.

Push it. Push it.

Oh, I see some.

Yeah.

Yes, and more.

Let's pull some out.

So, it's going to be nice couch babies.

So, I hope your husband likes it.

Yeah.

I can't wait to show him. If you need some other help with other friends or

parties, I'm around the corner. Yeah, you're a really nice guy. I think he

a great cab.

Yeah. And I think I would love it. And if Aaron doesn't want it, I'm taking it.

All right.