Original subtitles

How about your hair? You got a hair dryer?

Why not?

Nobody can see.

Besides, when you married me, it wasn't for better or for worse. Yes, but... No

buts.

Ain't to be any different in there than it is out here.

A good chance.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, I hope you don't mind Mr. Coffee.

No, I don't mind anything.

By the way, have you told Carlos what to expect tonight?

Well, not exactly. He's kind of a square about things like that.

So I've noticed.

His idea of a swing and parade would be to play post -op.

Well, I'm sure after a couple of drinks he'll loosen up a bit.

I don't know about that either. He's not much of a drinker.

Well, we can handle that.

By the way, what kind of man were you looking for tonight?

One that knows what he's doing.

Well, don't go around my husband.

You wouldn't believe what allows you to lay down and listen to that.

Thanks for the tip.

You should have... You'd think a man would learn how to turn a woman on.

Shit, I stay in that way all the time. Thinking I'd never get a woman.

You know, there's different avenues of sex besides slam -bam, thank you, ma

What do you mean? Well, doesn't it say the reason that one woman would know

it takes for another woman to turn on?

It sounds logical, but I imagine it's a whole lot different.

You bet your sweet little ass it's different. I could tell you've never

with another woman before.

Right.

Well, you know what they say.

If it feels good, do it.

Is that what they say? In some circles.

I don't know. It seems kind of, uh... Kind of wrong?

Well... Well, just think about Ben's party tonight.

And all those guys wanting to ball you.

What the hell do you think I've been thinking about ever since you got us

invited?

Well, let me show you something.

I see what you mean. You can't do anything on your own, Sam.

Better yet, let's put the zipper down.

Thank you.

I see that you know what you're doing.

Oh, hi, Gary. Come on in.

Hi. I just came over to see what time you want me to come all over tonight.

About 7 .30 or 8.

Oh, do you and Mr. Martinez plan to be late tonight?

From what I hear, it may be all night.

Oh, I just need to know what I can bring.

I feel almost guilty about asking you to babysit for the kid on a Friday night.

Oh, that's all right. I can use some money anyway.

I bet you can use the money.

What with all your girlfriends?

Uh, now and then.

I'll bet more than now and then.

Oh, come on. If it went like that, you must have all the girls after you.

Not really.

Oh, relax.

It's all natural.

I told you, honey bun, it's as natural as the day is long. But it works both

ways.

Both ways?

You do me a little, I do you a little.

I don't know how.

Relax. I'll teach you everything you need to know.

When I'm clearly here, you'll have all the girls running after you like they're

made of gold.

Now we can't place it.

Oh, come on, Gary.

No, no, no, no, no.

Honey, could you get that? It's Gary.

Come on in, Gary. It's open.

I haven't seen Mrs. Martinez in a minute yet.

Well, what have you been doing lately?

Nothing.

Nothing to talk about.

Is that a fact?

You ready?

Finally.

Baby's asleep.

I don't think there'll be any problem, but if there is, the phone number's on

the table by the phone.

Yeah. They finally left. You want to come on over now?

Good. See you in a few minutes.

Hello, you smooth -talking fool.

Well, now.

I didn't know you were going to make it or not.

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

When the hell are you going to get here?

Oh, as soon as my heart's thinking through.

That's right.

I heard you married yourself to a young stud.

He won't mind sharing you tonight, will he?

Oh, don't you worry about that.

You just keep yourself all wound up for me.

We haven't seen each other for a long time.

Yeah.

It was just a few days before your first husband kicked off.

Oh, let's forget about that.

I'll see you in a few minutes.

Bye -bye now.

Aren't you ready yet?

Can I help you if I'm particular in the way I look?

If you're quite ready, we... I'm ready, but... I'm not very willing.

What's with you?

Oh, Mary, and you know very well I don't need this kind of party.

Well, I do.

I just think it's in very poor taste.

Poor taste?

Now, look, I kicked you off in a run -down bar in the Caribbean six months

Don't be so foolish as to think that I married you because you're irresistible.

Now, Marion, I've often wondered why you ever did marry me.

Convenience, dear boy, my convenience. And don't you forget, I bought you those

fine clothes you're wearing. I bought you a stable full of horses.

And I brought you those fancy cars. And I brought you.

And you are coming to the party tonight.

And some cute little thing is going to flip all over you. And you'll make it

with her.

And I already know what I'm doing.

Have you got that?

Yes, mother.

The name in the mailbox is.

Well, where's Carlos and Stacy Martinez?

Hi, Stacy.

How are you?

You know these people?

Sure. Don't you remember me telling you?

Yeah. Yeah.

Go on in.

Everybody's walking here. It doesn't make any difference. You know, we're all

friends. All right, then.

I'll sit here.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

I want

you

to meet a friend of mine. A young man who everybody knows. I was a tan.

His name is Carlos. My name is, I think, his wife, Stacy.

Yeah, listen, honey, get him a couple of drinks, and we'll be back soon.

A little vodka, a little, uh... A little vodka. A little vodka.

A little vodka. A little vodka. A little vodka. A little vodka. A little vodka.

A little vodka.

This is Missy, and this is Carl Martinez.

What the hell is that? Carlos Martinez.

How are you? And this is his lovely, magnificent wife, Marion. How do you do?

pleasure. Not too close.

Excuse me, I was about to... What time are you going to be training?

Go ahead, have a drink.

Get yourself a picture. It's all right.

I have got some pictures here.

It's a movie that really ought to be proved interesting.

You know what I mean?

I want you to get your... Oh, man, pick these things up and see if you want

them. Oh, no, I got it. That's enough.

Hey, get it.

Take the hose, huh? You know what I mean?

I'm going to show you some pictures. Hey, come on, come on, fight.

Sit down. Grab a pillow.

Come on, sit down. Get yourself another drink.

Hey, why are you taking a lot of it?

Life is a party.

Oh,

I've got some pictures here from Tijuana.

I'll be all about that.

You know what I mean? Sit down, come on.

Come on.

All right, I'll relax.

We're going to get the light, okay?

Yeah,

how about that, huh?

You showed us good.

Look at that. Yeah, how about that, huh?

Yeah, what are you talking about?

This is brand new. That's what we were talking about yesterday.

Look at that.

That reminds me of something.

That's bad.

That's awful.

Thank you.

One more minute please.

for me, honey?

How about that? You like that, huh?

Nancy, how about the drink now, please?

I really need it after that last milk.

Hey, honey, get me a beer. A beer, all right?

I'll have one, too.

Let's see you do a little drink for a change.

A little American food, that's all we got. We got plenty of them, you know?

Ben, I'm glad to see, surprisingly enough, for you, a little ethnic

Look, you don't have to use a dollar with me, you know what I mean?

Take it easy on this dick, huh?

It's all right with me. It's all right with Gloria. It's all right with you.

Ben, you've known me for a long time.

Have you ever known me to be prejudiced?

No.

No, it's one of the reasons I love you. You know that?

You're just like me. Just exactly like me. There's two things I hate in this

world. One is prejudiced people. The other one's niggers. You know what I

Hey, fancy, where's that beer?

Okay, it's time for the nitty -gritty. Down to the nitty -gritty. You know what

I mean?

What?

Wait, wait.

A little bit of poker, huh?

Come on, give me a hand. Come on, come on, come on.

Just a minute, I've got to move the table.

Will you give me a hand, please? I want to move the table out a little bit.

Thanks. Thanks, man.

Of course we get a line.

Hey, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

I see.

Greenheart. Come on.

Oh, man.

Well, sit. Come up here and sit down. Oh, is this good?

Is that a lion? Come on, sit. Yes, it is.

What about your hair? You know that?

Start right here. Move down. I can't sit down, will you?

Oh. Okay,

sit down. Come on, sit down.

Are you ready?

Ready? Oh,

man.

Come on, come on.

Here we go.

So what's wrong with strip poker, huh?

Now the object of this game, ladies and gentlemen, is to see. Now go ahead and

take a look.

The loser, as you know, has got to remove...

One article of clothing.

One article of clothing.

Don't worry about it all in this game.

Yeah, yeah. Well, who can't get that? It's back to the showdown.

Well, I don't know that.

Oh, come on, come on, come on.

Let's go.

You don't think when you... Well,

I guess.

I lost this time.

Okay, Ben.

I'm playing your game.

Can't we get together next week?

It's really important.

I don't want to steal it.

Take it off.

Take it off.

Turn him up. Turn him up.

Three times.

Oh, Marion.

Oh, Marion.

Marion loses.

Now we get to see all of Marion. Come on, sweetheart.

Oh, no, he doesn't. Come on, sweetheart. Come on.

Hey, baby.

Hey. Hey, come on, baby.

Come on, sweetheart.

Hey, come on. Hey, Pedro. Come on.

Come on. Oh, yes. Come on.

Marion, you lost the game. You know it. Come on, girl.

Oh, yeah.

Don't let them badger you, dear.

Very nice.

Hey,

what do you think?

Hey, come on. We'll help you.

Come on. You're going to play with me.

Come

on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

You don't have to be educated to play this game. Anybody can do it.

All you're going to have is guts.

Don't let your mouth overrun your little seven -five panic.

I've got enough guts to play any kind of game you want to play.

Good, because you must tell the truth, the absolute truth, no matter what.

If we don't, it's no use.

All right, all right. How does it work?

Well, we all think of a question, and we all answer it one by one.

All right.

How do we tell who the winner is?

Well, there is no winner, actually.

That's stupid.

How could you have a game and you don't know where the winner is?

Sounds like a bunch of crap to me. Listen, we don't have to play it. I

think you'd be afraid.

I have one. How about, what if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

I first wish for Steve, that I had the power to blow all them low -life,

stinkin', commie, fanko sons of bitches off the face of this earth.

You know, people don't know what those guys are up to.

No speeches, Ben.

It's the reason.

I'd close up every college that's infested with those heavy troublemakers.

And I'd like to have a power that would be indestructible.

Hey, let me tell you a lie, Peter.

My first would be that everybody would be the same color.

And that there'd be no difference between anybody except that the green

would have an X.

Right in the middle of their forehead.

And my second wish would be that I could carve that X in the middle of their

forehead.

And my third wish, well, I'll keep that to myself.

You don't know my third wish is that?

My first wish, I wish I knew what his last wish was.

Oh, crap, I lost and wasted a wish.

My second wish...

My second wish would be that Carlos would become governor of the state.

Because that would blow my dad's head.

My third wish?

I'd like to be warden.

Biggest men, pretty.

Anywhere.

My two wishes are, I wish that no little girl would ever have to grow up not

knowing who her father was.

My second wish is, I wish I had a family of my own.

And my third wish,

I wish somebody would love me.

All right.

Okay. I know just how you feel.

This bunch of insensitive animals have no respect for people like you and I,

have real feelings.

Since you and my penis here are getting along so well, why don't the two of you

just sort of go off together, you know?

Okay. Go ahead.

Ben, look.

You've all had your egotistical wishes, all of them personal and highly

emotional. Now, let's get serious, just for a minute, if we may.

You're familiar with my current research project.

You know that I'm about to lose my bullshit. If I had the financing

could, with, of course, the help of my fellow engineers, perfect my two -way

multi -purpose laser.

So for my second wish, I would want to change the time system from a 60 -minute

hour to a 100 -minute hour.

My third wish, I think I would computerize our courts, especially the

judge and jury.

Think of how many criminals are let loose every day that shouldn't be.

Ben, computers don't make mistakes.

Okay, Joe, what do you listen?

First of all, I wish I'd never gotten involved in these silly games.

Second of all, you should make marriage illegal.

Oh, well.

What's your name, Rich?

I wish for...

Three

more.

Quick,

Mike. Well, I'm inclined to go along with you.

And I think that all of us ought to tune in to this classy game.

And I love you.

Yeah, that's great.

Game's on.

Dick, now I'm going to enjoy these parties anyway. I only come because of

Gloria's sake. God.

It's my project. Did you get any suggestions about how I... It's all

Well, I'm losing my financing entirely next week.

I'm going to lose my fellowship, too.

I just don't know where to go. I'm at my wit's end.

I've talked to... Right now, this is the only way to be monitored.

I've been to Dinatown.

Natural. Bigot.

I spent two weeks in San Diego wearing out of bare shoes, of course.

Mm -hmm.

I just don't know.

Do you think maybe Carlos might be able to assist me with something?

If it was just the way that I could meet my payroll next week, I'd be either.

That's so magical.

I'll be ready.

I just don't know what to do. My wit's in.

Oh, maybe I'm going to put it in three.

All right, dear.

But first of all, I've got to use this.

You know, cleanliness and efficiency are all part of our schedule.

I can't breathe, but man, I'm tired of this. Come get on top of me.

I love you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Nothing.

What are you thinking about?

Marianne.

Danny.

Oh, you're upset.

I guess.

A little, maybe.

Maybe even jealous.

How? Why don't you let me switch places with your wife? You switch places

with... I want to switch places with my wife.

Something about that pendant.

Here they are.

Oh, sweetheart, I am getting close.

Oh, wow, that's really wild.

Let me tell you something about Ben. Ben goes both ways.

And when Marion runs him down, you can just work your way to him.

Oh, wait a minute. You... You wouldn't kid me about a thing like this.

Not a chance.

He may put up a front, but he loves it. Believe me, he loves it.

Really? Really.

Good night, baby.

Oh,

baby.

Honey. Honey.

Honey.

Tonight, I'm inviting a whole new group over.

That crowd, they're a bunch of weird creeps.