Original subtitles

Good evening, London.

This is your libido calling.

I'm Erica Eros, and this is Naughty Talk.

I want to hear from you, but only if you

have something naughty to share with us.

Ah, we have our first caller.

Mary.

A little bird who... who has trouble getting a head start.

Yes, Erica, I, um... You're among friends.

It's me husband, Erica. He wants me to... He wants me to do things with his

dickie. You know, put it... put it... Are we talking about the taboo subject?

Oral... sex?

Mary, I can hear you blush.

You know, there's nothing wrong with fellatio.

Fellatio.

Just the sound of it makes me wet.

But isn't that dirty?

Oh, no, Mary.

Not if the guy has good hygiene practices.

Well, that's not what I meant.

Oh, you mean that kind of dirty.

Well, abnormal.

Mary,

Abby Norman is a spinster of a sub -librarian of Kent.

I don't think we should be relying on her for sexual advice.

I've got a maidenhead as tough as rhino hide.

It's all in the technique.

You wrap your fingers firmly, but not too tight.

around his cock and rub up and down the shaft

of his beautiful cock.

Then you take your mouth and

you wrap that too around the head of his cock.

I love you.

There used to be a time, Lionel, that you liked to see me naked.

How is Mr. Pecker, by the way?

You're a cocksail away from being sacked!

You can't do that.

And why not?

Because of Madam X.

Good evening, Madam X. This is Erica.

How are you?

Oh, I was worried you wouldn't be there.

Well, you know, these blue noses, these pricks,

yeah, they try.

But they just don't have balls big enough.

I took your advice, Erica.

I wore the leather boots and the crotchless panties.

But Chuck, I mean, Chuck still won't touch me.

I think you and I need to talk one on one.

Do you really believe this loony who calls you every night, this Madame X?

Let's just die.

Yes, I do.

In fact, I set up a little publicity stunt featuring me, Erica Era.

She and I will meet in a discreet, quiet place with a camera crew, and we'll

capture everything on film.

I'll be so famous.

What do you think about that, Mr.

Pecker?

If this blows up in your face, you'll see what a big pair of balls I've got.

I'll unplug you, and I'll see that you never work here again.

You better be right about this. I am right about this.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Oh, my God.

Okay,

now. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Live, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome, Princess Di.

Hello, Erica.

I'm Madame X.

How about a little wink?

Bye -bye, Erica.

Good afternoon.

This is Dorothy Wexler with the noon news.

The city council tonight will discuss a poop -use -scoop law for pet owners.

Councilman Owen Snapp says if a goram... No, quorum.

Excuse me.

Councilman Snapp said if a quorum is not present, the poop will be tabled.

And now for the weather.

It's one of those real scorchers.

She was real cheap.

Is that what you think of me, Owen?

See, that's all.

Not the future Mrs. Knapp.

You're going to be governor's wife someday.

Why is it hot today?

It's getting hotter.

Remember, Owen, that's the test you gave me when you hired me.

Uh -huh.

I remember that.

Some men are pussywhipped, Owen.

Others are... And I want you to always remember that.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Where is Mark's private?

I don't know.

I thought this was a radio station, not a knocking shop.

What is it you want?

I've come to save your arse.

What do you mean, my arse?

I'm Erica Eros, and I have a program that's going to save this creepy little

station.

Well, I've heard of you, Miss Trouble.

And now it's time for Heartstrings.

Advice to the lovelorn from Cousy's own Susie Sweet.

This is Susie Sweet.

And I want to talk.

Love talk tonight.

Go ahead, call one.

Susie.

Susie Sweet.

That's what I said.

I have a problem.

Aren't you special?

Why don't you tell me about it, love?

I'm 36, and I've never been with a woman.

Who? A virgin.

I specialize in virgins.

You do?

Hey, you sound cute to me.

How well hung are you, huh, darling?

Try picking up birds at the supermarket.

Good luck.

Hi, this is Susie on Heartstrings.

Susie, Miss Felatio here.

The best little cocksucker in the county.

I'm down here at the Friends and Lover Motel getting ready for a little suck

-off. Just wondering if you could join us later, Susie.

I've got two big dicks here ready to explode.

Oh, yeah?

How big.

Welcome to Heartstrings.

This is the coolest dude of them all.

Mr. Doug.

Hello, Mr. Doug.

Don't tell me you're a virgin too.

No way.

So you're calling to tell me about your conquest?

Nah. Now, listen, I'm just calling to find out if, if you ever

got any black meat in London.

Black meat?

Maybe I did.

Maybe I didn't.

You know what?

I've got some prime time U .S.

black meat for you to try, baby.

Go to commercial now!

you to cut it off.

I guess I just got carried away.

Well, you know, you're this close to being fired.

Would you say a cunt has close?

Hey, you don't like being teased?

Hmm.

I wonder what was up with him.

I thought you were really neat myself.

You did? Yeah.

Thanks.

So, was it real?

Was it real?

Well, my pussy said it was, but it's not really. It's just an act, you know.

But that black guy.

Hmm.

Well, maybe you could meet him sometime. You know, this Mr. Stud guy.

Meet him?

Oh, no. There's one rule I have, and that's never, and I mean never, To date,

any of the callers.

So have you, um, you found a place to stay at?

Place to stay?

It's funny, I haven't even thought about it.

Well, um, you could, you know, I mean, if you like.

Well, you could stay at my place until you find a place.

See you're a doll.

Thanks.

Hey, babe.

I got my hog out.

How's it going? You want to go for a ride? Maybe go have a few beers, go back

my place? What do you say?

Um, I don't think so.

I felt like dating an inanimate object.

I'll give you a call.

Otherwise, I'll take a rain check.

Well, I hope we didn't hurt Clyde's feelings too much, you know.

What, him?

I don't think so.

Cinema cowboys like him don't get hurt.

They need to be taught a lesson by a woman.

Anyway, you're kind of sweet in him, aren't you?

Well, yeah, I am kind of.

But he really doesn't even know I'm alive.

Well, of course not.

What do you mean, of course not?

I mean that I've never seen such a tragic case of wasted pussy power.

If you want to get Clyde's attention, you have to change your image.

But before that, where's the loo?

The loo? The loo who?

The bog. Wash closet.

You know?

Oh, the bathroom.

It's just over there. Make yourself at home.

I'll be back.

Oh, my God.

I see you've been introduced to Big Ben.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Be curious.

I mean, you've got to be curious if you want to be a good reporter.

Do you think I could be, really? I mean, like a real reporter?

Oh, yeah, definitely. But I think you have more other pressing needs.

Don't be alarmed.

I always look like this.

Except when I have company.

Well.

Well.

Well, please, please.

Oh, shit.

I tell you what, if you don't like him, we'll stop.

Deal?

Deal?

Deal.

Keep fighting.

Keep fighting.

Thank you.

I know what you are thinking.

Oh, God.

You set my head on fire.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Okay, let me try.

Yeah.

Fun?

You wanna be asked?

Hmm.

Whoa. Fuck me.

Oh,

yeah.

When you go.

Fuck you That was so good

Yeah.

I know you're one of our largest advertisers.

I know it was completely faceless.

I assure you the show has been canceled.

Yes, sir.

I understand.

Goodbye.

Damn it.

I think twice about that.

Twice? You mean canceling Erica's fucking show?

Arbitron rating.

Cougar.

Really?

I've got a real winner on my hands there.

You know, fuck being governor.

I could syndicate the show.

Be a real media mogul, you know?

You're not a real media mogul yet, asshole.

Keep them off.

Oh, really?

No, what we need now is something to ignite it.

I've got an idea. A private investigator I know might help.

Bonnie here.

Shug, how would you like to manhandle my knockers real soon?

Great, but I need a favor first.

You got an in at the phone company, right?

You could track a call for me, say, if it came into the station tonight?

Uh -huh.

Great.

Hey, Fred, these boots are yours.

Helmy, you really won't let that man get at your boobs, will you?

Only if he comes through for me.

Here's the copy for that new auto dealership, Clyde, that you wanted.

Clyde. Clyde.

Good evening.

I'm Erica Eros, and this is Naughty Talk USA.

I see we have some pent -up desires out there, so let's get to it.

Caller number one.

Do you know who this is?

Something told me it would be you, Mr. Stud.

I can touch death.

When will pretend ever end?

do is watch.

Fred traced the call. It came from the library research department.

The librarian on duty tonight is named Milo Ormsby.

Yeah. So, Mr.

Dead is really a fucking librarian named Milo Ormsby.

Yeah, what are you getting at?

So, we've got our break, you asshole.

We'll set up a surprise meeting between Eric and this Milo down in the library.

She can fuck his brains out and we'll carry it on the air live.

Or blow the top off the ratings, asshole.

Hmm.

So how do they look?

They look great.

Really good.

Hmm.

So where you going?

Break time crew.

I'm so boring.

What do you say?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

We can take a look at those later.

Yeah, you're right.

Later would be a much better time.

So, uh, preoccupied.

Yeah.

I like that whole line.

I love you.

Mmm.

Ugh.

Oh yeah,

that's

it.

Oh yeah.

Mmm.

No.

Yeah, well, money to look.

Yes, indeedy, and a $5 ,000 bonus I just gave you at the beginning.

Let's go, Bonnie. Let's call it for our celebration of some bubbly.

Hey,

honey, I think you need this.

Put it to give you something that you love.

I can't believe you're doing this, Erica.

I mean, you said you never meet callers in person.

What about this poor Mr. Stud Guy? I mean, what's going to happen to him when

finds out he's on the radio live?

What?

Well, it won't be Mr. Stud Guy and me on the radio.

It'll be Fonny and Owen.

No! No!

Yeah, yeah. Put a wireless mic in the dildo.

Good

evening.

This is Erica Eroth with Naughty Talk USA.

Here tonight with a very special treat.

A meeting as newsworthy as when Stanley met Livingston, but more fun.

Well, I guess this is our big moment.

Erica, am I on?

It's me, Mr. Studd.

Here I am.

We meet at last.

Hope I'm not disappointing.

No way.

No way am I disappointed.

Thank you again, God.

To the media mogul. And the tips behind them.

Time for the Owen and Bonnie show.

Get those pretty tits in line.

Oh, God, I'm so hard.

No, it's not. No, it's not.

It's not what?

It's not what?

It's not hard for it.

It's softer than butter.

It's not Georgia asphalt.

Well, maybe it's the champagne.

Do you hear an echo in here? Do you hear an echo in here?

Yeah.

Yeah.