Original subtitles

You're a boy and you're acting ridiculously.

Earning a big salary and allowing yourself to be sued over a dress your

bought. You can pay the bill. I have a lawsuit over it.

Judge Hardy, can we talk alone?

Certainly.

Court's recess for 15 minutes.

Bill.

So, I... I want to live at the hotel.

Oh, I know I'll have to pay for this dress, but...

I'll put Susan on the witness stand and people in this town will know all about

her crazy extravagance.

She's starting to sue me for divorce, but I'll have my innings first.

Mrs. Bowen, Judge.

Judge, did you send for... Just a minute, just a minute.

Susan, come here.

Well, let's have this out.

What is all this extravagance Caleb talks about?

One little new dress made him act like a madman. And one little coat and one

little negligee and one little suit.

Well, ever since I got that raising salary, she... Order in the court.

Well, I remember your wedding.

And two more honestly in love young people I never did see.

Oh, marriage is a cooperative institution. You must give and take.

and she takes. Oh, quiet, Caleb, quiet.

Soon, suppose, after all the living expenses are paid, suppose the rest of

Caleb's salary is divided equally.

50 % to you, Susan, and 50 % to Caleb.

That's fine with me.

That's what you say now. Now, Caleb agrees.

Do you?

Of course.

That's all I've been asking, a square deal.

What I'm entitled to. Good.

Well, that's settled.

But, Susan, according to these records, last year you spent a lot more

than the half you're going to get now.

Susan,

I love you so much, I went in debt for you.

Oh, Caleb.

I've been so miserable.

So have I.

No, no, honey, honey.

I'll send a check for the dress judge.

I'll wear sackcloth and ashes if he wants me to, Judge Hardy.

Susan, you'll find...

that what a generous husband gives is a lot more than you're entitled to in a

square deal.

So run along, you two. Run along. Don't clutter up my office.

Thank you, Judge.

I'll remember.

A gentleman to see you, Judge.

All right. Show him in.

Good afternoon, Judge Hawley. My card?

Now, Mr. Brownell, sit down.

What can I do for you?

Judge, are you the great -great -grandson of Colonel James Standish

well -known figure of the War of 1812?

So they've been telling me for a good many years.

Why? Well, if you can prove it, you're the heir to something more than $2

million.

$2 million?

That's a lot of...

Two million dollars? Are you crazy?

I didn't come from Detroit to establish insanity.

Did you or did you not say two million dollars?

Two million dollars.

That's what I thought you said.

Judge, I just got a telephone message from the football field.

We're taking a beating. It's the last quarter. The score is Olympia six,

High nothing.

This is a funny world, Mr. Brownell.

I doubt it for my son, Andrew, whose allowance is a dollar and a half a week,

even two million dollars to make up for losing his first real game of high

school football.

Polly!

Polly! Woo -hoo!

Thank Polly!

We won, we won, Polly. Made a touchdown in the last three minutes. Oh, that's

wonderful, Andy. Why didn't you come to the game like you promised?

Well, I'm sorry, Andy, but I had an unexpected guest.

You know that boy I met on my vacation last year? One from the Boston school.

Come on in.

Come in, Andy.

Mr. Hardy, Mr.

Bannersley. Very happy to meet you, I'm sure.

Oh, happy to meet you, I'm sure.

Say, Polly, you should have seen that touchdown. It was... You leaving?

I've always heard it said that the gentleman remains standing until a lady

seated. Oh, gosh, excuse me, will you, Polly? But, gee, I can't ever think of

you as being a lady.

Well, I don't mind saying I'm famished. Me neither.

Me neither.

Here, let me help.

Here you are, Hardy.

Thank you.

This one's for you, Dick. And this is for me.

Won't you have some cookies?

Oh, boy, homemade raisin cookies. I love them, Polly. I love them.

Mind if I smoke, Polly?

Of course not.

Cigarette, Hardy?

No. Don't smoke, eh?

Me? Oh, sure.

Oh, you don't either, Andy.

Yeah, a lot you know.

But I'm very particular what brand I smoke.

Oh, these aren't bad.

I have them made especially for me in a little shop on Beacon Street.

Beacon Street's in Boston, Andy.

Anything else you'd like, Dick?

Well, I could improve this lemonade with a shot of gin.

Oh, gin.

Oh, I'm afraid we haven't any in the house.

Gosh, haven't you ever seen any of those pictures in the physiology books that

show what the gin and whiskey does to the lining of your stomach? Oh, you

take that bosh seriously, do you, old man?

Oh, me? Sure, I'm in training football.

Say, I didn't tell you about that touchdown, Polly. It was terrific.

Forty -eight yards and eight plays. Oh, that's swell, Andy. Cut through the

interference, a touchdown.

My governor won't let me. According to him, all I'm going to school for is to

get poised.

Well, poised will be poised.

You get that one?

Poised, poised, poised, poised. It just doesn't make me laugh.

But definitely.

Better try again, Andy. You know, a pun is the lowest form of wit.

Well, I can think of things a lot lower.

Look, I gotta go. Can I see you outside alone, please, for a minute?

Oh, yes.

Excuse me, please.

See you later, bud.

Nice to have met you.

But definitely.

Andy, what is it?

Why, have you forgotten what you promised if we won the football game?

Oh, yes, I did promise, didn't I?

Say, what goes on?

You act like I never kissed you before.

Andrew Hardy, must you always be so crude?

I don't get this.

Can't you be a little more subtle?

Can't you approach a girl with just a little more finesse?

Finesse? Like Mr. Fancy Pants in there, I suppose, huh? Well, not me.

Oh, I get it.

I'm all right till some la -di -da Lizzie like that comes along, huh?

That's not it at all. But I should think you'd rather model yourself on a man of

the world instead of a hoodlum.

Hoodlum? Why don't you try going steady with Fancy Pants instead of hoodlums?

Well, I certainly might prefer anybody to someone who goes around grabbing

in dark halls and kissing them.

Andrew, your father phoned from the courthouse. You're to go home at once.

Yes, Mrs. Benedict.

Then good afternoon, Mr. Hardy.

Can I be a man of the world on a buck and a half a week?

Bullpig! Emily, look at me. Do I look different?

James, I couldn't understand a word you said over the phone. I don't mean that.

I mean, do you see that I'm a different man?

I am different.

Come and sit down, dear. You'll feel better in a minute. Emily, in me you see

man who has miraculously watched his dreams come true.

The most amazing thing. Oh, Pa.

Andrew, how would you like to go to an exclusive Eastern school?

Not me. I hate rich kids. James Hardy, what is the matter? You're talking

foolish. What's all the excitement, James?

Millie, would you call your brother -in -law foolish if he told you the moon

slid out of the sky and landed smack in his lap?

Hello.

Marion, how would you like to have an ermine coat?

An ermine coat, James, dear? Please, please come and sit down.

Oh, dear, you're all feverish. Millie, have we got any quinine in the house?

Oh, no, we haven't. Well, I... I am delirious. I am feverish. Oh, dear,

dear, don't take on so. We all love you. We'll take care of you. No, no, no,

Mother, you just sit down. You and Andrew and Marion, brace yourselves.

Now, I've just learned that I'm the sole heir to an estate of $2 million, left

by a man named Leeds in Detroit.

$2 million?

Pop's gone haywire. Mom, shall I phone for Doc Jones?

But, James... No, no, Lisa. You and Mother don't argue with him. Wait, wait

minute. It's all true, and I've got to go to Detroit to support my claim. If I

do, they'll give us the money.

Dad. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Well, isn't that nice?

And I've been worrying about trivial little matters like small -town clothes.

Jesus sure is going to make a big change in my plans. Oh, Mother.

Oh, Mom. Oh, Mommy.

Hold this hat.

Hold everything. Come on. You all right?

All right, Mother?

Yes. Well, the miracle has come our way at last.

Do you all realize how much $2 million is or are or is?

Well, I realize it's a great deal of money.

Will we be able to pay off the mortgage on this house?

This house? Why, Mother, in the Leeds estate, there's a mansion in Detroit.

It's got 12 bathrooms.

Oh, but that's ridiculous. We couldn't possibly use more than three.

One for you and me and one for Marion and one for Andy.

Oh, and... Millie would like her own. That's four.

Well, we'll lock up the other eight and keep them for company.

But who left us the money?

Whoever these relatives were with the two million bucks, they certainly kept

themselves strangers up till now.

Well, it all dates back to my great -great -grandfather, Colonel James

Leeds. You often heard me mention him, Andrew. That gallant soldier of the War

of 1812.

Two million bucks.

Gee, I'm going to start insulting everybody I know.

Why, I'll buy myself a big yacht and...

And maybe a string of racehorses.

I hope we'll all know how to act in our new position in life.

Well, now, wait, wait just a minute. I wouldn't tell anybody about this yet

because there's just a chance we may not get the money.

Oh, but, Pop, that's just your natural conservatism. Look, let's make a deal.

Fifty -fifty. You worry about getting the money and I'll worry about spending.

Andrew Hardy, millionaire playboy.

Gee, that's me from now on.

Mr. Davis.

Mr. Davis.

Well.

If it isn't Aunt Millie. I'm no aunt of yours.

Some quinine for the judge, and it's an emergency.

No case that needs quinine is an emergency.

When I want medical advice, I go to a doctor. Hurry. Now, now, don't talk to

like I was one of your schoolchildren.

Why, I'm almost as old as you are.

Why, you're a good ear older.

May I have some quinine, Mr. Davis?

Be calm, Auntie.

Be gentle.

Be charming.

If a woman hasn't got charm, what else has she got?

She's got a good mind to get another druggist.

Charge it.

We can keep this quinine as a souvenir.

Emily just told me.

I'm awfully happy for you, James.

Happy for all of us, Millie.

Would it be an imposition?

If I went to Detroit with you, I can afford it. I have $4 ,000 saved.

Why, Millie, do you think I... James, I'm an old maid.

I met Millie Forrest, a schoolteacher.

Why, it'd turn this town upside down if I even got a permanent wave.

Ah, steady, Millie, steady. You've always been my good right arm.

No woman wants to be a good right arm except her own husband.

I don't want to teach school.

I want to cut loose. I want to see things and do things before I get too

Do you understand, James?

Or am I crazy?

Yes, Millie.

You're crazy.

But it's the kind of craziness that's too human to be criticized.

Now, when we do get to Detroit, you do whatever's in your heart.

I've been silly, haven't I, James?

I'm all right now.

I'm not worried about you, Millie.

I'm not worried about myself. I'm not worried about Emily. But I am worried

about... Dad, Marion says now that we're rich, she ought to have her own sitting

room. And if she does, then I ought to have my own bachelor apartment.

Your own bachelor apartment?

Well, I wouldn't be too hasty about that because you might want to get married.

Married? What do I want to get married for and make one woman miserable when I

can stay single and make a lot of them happy?

Well, we'll go into the bachelor pop and question in due time.

Okay, Dad.

Say, Dad, I'm glad you're a judge and up on the laws of breach of promise

because the way I feel, I'm a cinch to get sued.

Well, you see what I mean?

I beg your pardon?

Yes? Having a little trouble getting set for the trip?

It's my first flight, and the wing seems to be obstructing my view.

I don't suppose you could have it removed.

Well, why don't you take my seat? Then you can just look at all the scenery you

like. Oh, thank you.

It's all just a big map to me anyway, and I never did like geography.

Or maybe it was just my teacher I didn't like.

He looks nice, doesn't he?

Seems to like Millie.

Oh, Mother, you're incorrigible.

Well, can you blame me if I want Millie to have as rich a life as we've had?

Thirty years of it, Mother.

James, if we come into all these millions of dollars, there's one thing

simply have to do for me.

I'll do anything.

What do you want?

I want you to wear a high silk hat to church on Sunday.

Ah, James, I've never forgotten how beautiful he looked when he led that

in 1911.

Now, don't say a word. I want to put my foot down.

Well, I can very plainly see if we're going to get this money, I'm going to

it.

High silk.

Mr. Hardy.

Goodbye.

Thanks again for your kindness.

Oh, not at all. Thank you for your company.

May I leave a card?

Nice name.

I'm Miss Mildred Forrest.

Delighted. Will you be in Detroit long?

I don't know. I'm with my sister and her family. Oh, well, if I can be of any

service.

Goodbye.

Why not stay here?

Except for these technicalities, this place is yours.

Oh, Dad.

Gosh, Dad, why don't we stay here for a while anyway?

I don't know about that. Oh, certainly we'll stay here.

I always wanted to see how a millionaire lived.

I guess we'll stay.

Call me at the office when you're settled.

I'll start going over your papers at once.

And if there is, you say, which I don't doubt, you can officially claim the

estate.

Good day to you all.

Good day.

Good day.

Holy smoke, Dad. All I want to know is when we're going to get the two million

bucks. Andrew, I explained that to you before. It's necessary to legally

establish the line of descent from Colonel James Stanish Leeds.

Dad, do you suppose Mr. Brownell is trying to cheat us out of our money?

Marion, now look here, you two children.

We agreed to consider all this a dream until it came true. Now, if that's going

to be too much for you, well, you can go back to Carvel at once.

You understand?

Oh. All right.

Okay, Dad, but all I can say is that you don't know how to treat two million

bucks with the proper respect.

Well, I'm hungry. Where's the butler?

Every place we go, Mom. Yeah, just like you were born there.

Andrew, summon the butler.

Summon the butler.

You were looking for me, son?

Oh, yeah. My ma, she wants... I mean, Mrs. Hardy, she wishes you.

I'm Dobbs, madam, at your service.

Mr. Brunel has given me my instructions.

Oh, well, serve luncheon, will you?

Later I'll go over the whole household situation with you. Thank you, Mrs.

Hardy.

Luncheon will be served in five minutes in the small dining room. Thank you.

Thank you, Mrs. Hardy. Luncheon will be served in five minutes in the small

dining room. Gee, Dad, I guess I was just born to be rich, huh?

Say, Dad, maybe we're in the wrong house, huh?

Good afternoon, and excuse me. I'm so used to coming in with my own key, I

forgot this time.

I didn't know that... But I'm afraid you do know me by hearsay.

Philip Westcott, Mr. Leeds' adopted son, at your service.

Oh, yes, Mr. Brunel told us about you. Oh, you must be Cousin Marion. Mr.

told me about you, too.

But he was wrong. He said you were pretty.

You're not pretty. You're beautiful.

And this must be Mrs. Hardy. Yes.

I'd love to call you Aunt Emily, if you'll permit.

Of course.

Miss Forrest, of course.

Thank you.

Cousin Andrew, I'm happy to know you.

Happy to know you, Cousin Phil.

Judge Hardy, welcome to Detroit.

Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Westcott.

How can I ever thank you? It's the first time I've had flowers from a strange

man since I was a girl.

Sit down, mister.

Philip, to you, please, sir.

Oh, sit down. Sit down, everybody.

Well, Philip, you embarrass us with your kindness.

After all, Mr. Brownell told me we... I mean, we... You mean if it weren't for

you, I might have inherited the Leeds estate.

I did anticipate your hiding in a bush with a shotgun to pick me off.

Nonsense, Father. I mean, my foster father set aside a trust fund to provide

me. Didn't Brunel tell you?

Yes. Well, I'll have to be going and let you unpack. I merely came by to offer

my services.

Ladies, I'm a contendium of shopping news.

Andrew, a trip to the Leeds Automobile Factory.

The estate owns considerable stock, and I thought... We do?

Well, I'll have to give that factory the once -over. You looking over.

By what right have you... Now, look, sis, you don't have to be like that.

Children a little excited.

Two million dollars, quite a novelty in our family.

Of course.

How are you descended from Colonel James Standish Leeds, Judge?

Through the oldest son, Andrew Leeds, whose daughter Martha married my

grandfather. The older son, Andrew?

Yes.

Of course, of course.

Well, the butler has my phone number. Command me all of you.

Good day.

Dad, how many derby hats can you buy with two million bucks?

The Carvel Daily Star, sir. I sent downtown for it earlier.

Oh, thank you. That's very thoughtful of you, Dobbs.

If I may be permitted to say, sir, Mrs. Hardy made quite an impression on the

servants yesterday.

Knows how to run a house, doesn't she? Cook swears by her already.

And Cook is not exactly easy to please.

Cook is my wife, sir.

Oh, somebody already had their breakfast?

Miss Marion called for breakfast in bed, sir.

Bed? She'll?

The younger generation are quick to make use of new advantages, sir.

Oh, I see. New advantages. Breakfast in bed.

And Miss Forrest also asked for breakfast in bed, sir.

Dobbs, for years my sister -in -law has been leaping out of bed at 6 .15, and

now... Well, Mrs. Hardy will be down any minute. You can bring her coffee.

She doesn't like it too hot.

Yes. Good morning, Pop.

Morning, son.

Good morning, Dobbs. Good morning.

Just a moment, Annie, just a moment.

Mother usually sits at the foot of the Harley table.

Not this morning. She told me to tell you she wanted her breakfast in bed.

Mother must be tired out from the trip.

Tired? No, she's raring to go.

And boy, is she going to knock those department stores for a row of charge

accounts today.

An article here in the Carver paper might interest you, Andrew.

What's that, Dan?

Polly Benedict's giving a hayride Saturday night.

A hayride.

Gee, small -town stuff, Pop. What do you think we are, country bumpkins?

I want a half a grapefruit, three soft -boiled eggs, a half a dozen hunks of

pieces of bacon, some French fried potatoes, hot rolls and coffee, please.

Oh, and two or three kinds of jam, too, huh?

Pretty good.

Do you intend to eat all that?

Well, what I don't eat, I can just toy around with that. After all, we are

aren't we?

Not yet.

Gosh, why didn't I order a stack of buckwheat cakes, too?

Gee, I've got to put on eight pounds and two inches if I want to be a fullback

on the football team.

Now, if that isn't silly, worrying about unimportant things like football.

However, Dad, there is a serious question I'd like to ask you.

I'd be very happy to answer it.

Pop, don't get worried. All I want to know is that when a man approaching

maturity, like me, I mean, when is he old enough to start smoking cigarettes?

Have you been smoking?

No, no, not... Not real cigarettes.

What was it, corn silk or dried grape stems?

How'd you know?

Believe it or not, I was 16 once myself, Andrew.

Now, about real cigarettes, I think a man's old enough to smoke when he's old

enough to decide for himself that he's old enough to smoke.

Gosh, Dad, you couldn't occasionally just come out and say what you mean,

you? And you know I'm not a lawyer, you know.

Hello. Oh, you're late, darling.

I'm sorry, dear. Some important business came up.

Oh, could we look at a larger assortment of these? Sure thing.

Did you find out something about the Hardys? Nothing yet, but I'm still

old man Lees told me the original Colonel James Standish had only one son.

Phil, do you suppose that Judge Hardy invented that other son, Andrew?

No, he's too smart to pull a trick like that, and too honest.

Well, maybe the old boy adopted an extra son.

That might be it, but then again, how could I prove it?

The judge is so honest, you could put a bee in his ear and see what happens.

I'm ahead of you.

If he had the slightest suspicion he wasn't entitled to that money, he'd come

out and say so.

What do I get if my idea works?

And maybe that wouldn't ruin the other girls in the chorus.

Oh, what was the important business?

A young Mr. Andrew Hardy phoned me. I'm to take him to the automobile factory

this afternoon, so I'll run along.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

That machine drills crankshaft oil holes.

Oh, boy.

Cigarette ending?

Yeah, I don't mind if I do, Phil, old boy.

Awfully clumsy of me. Excuse me, Phil. Well, that's all right.

Say, that's some swell case you got there.

Neat, but not gaudy.

Boy, I got a sore throat, Phil.

You've got a cigarette throat, Andy. You're smoking too much. Better lay off

a while.

Yeah, it comes from smoking before breakfast.

Yeah.

How's your father enjoying the millionaire's life, Andy?

Oh, he spends most of his time in the library trying to decide what book to

read.

While I was waiting for you in the library today, Andy, I spotted some

think he'd like.

Tell him to look up Cardinal Leeds' history of the War of 1812.

Oh, no, no, no. You do that. I don't dare bring up the subject again.

Why? Did you have an argument with your father about the great war hero?

No, I just asked him if Colonel Leeds won the war all by himself, and he

right down my throat.

Of course, all I didn't know was that Marion was just in and asking did he

a girl could dress right on $10 ,000 a year.

All she thinks about is buying clothes.

Isn't that dumb?

I suppose all girls are.

Even girls should think it has some sense.

You having a little heart trouble, Andy?

Oh, me and my girl, we split up over a fancy pants.

But the cure for one woman is another woman.

A woman like this, say.

You ever been to this here paradise place?

Been there? They have the most beautiful girls in the world there.

Would you like to meet one?

Would I like to meet a beautiful chorus girl?

Sure I am with love in my heart, millions in my pockets, and you ask me

Shall we say Friday night?

Friday night.

Andy Hardy.

The chorus girl's plaything.

Andy. Excuse me, Bo.

Mother. You sure Millie's all right?

Well, she sounded awfully funny on the phone, but all she said was not to wait

for her.

Are you worried, James?

Oh, no, I'm not worried about Millie.

Well, folks, how does Detroit compare with Carmel?

Detroit's heaven.

You know, I can't understand how I managed to get along in such a small

my life.

I'm worn out. I think I've been in every store in town.

Mother, you're frightening me.

When did the truck start driving up with your purchases?

Oh, I didn't buy anything, except an iron frying pan.

An iron frying pan?

Mother, don't you realize that you're above frying pans now?

Gosh, I bet if you put Mom in the middle of one of the biggest jewelry stores in

the world and told her she could have her pick free, she'd ask the man for an

egg beater.

I've been... to get an old -fashioned frying pan for six years.

Now I'll be able to cook a decent piece of steak.

Look, Mom.

Look, get a load of that.

It's Aunt Millie all done up like a plush horse.

Oh, yeah.

Millie.

Aunt Millie, you're beautiful.

Millie, darling.

Oh, my little sister.

Oh, Millie.

Oh, everybody.

I'm so happy.

I think I'm going to be foolish.

I think I'm going to cry.

There, there, mother.

Oh, Mom, don't cry. Emily, don't cry.

Emily will make herself ugly again if you want her to.

Won't you, Aunt Millie?

You go ahead and cry if it'll make you happy.

I don't know what's the matter with this family.

Just because I choke up a little, I don't see any reason for all this

Well, come on, everybody. Won't you need to get cold?

Millie, I want to congratulate you.

All of us.

We have a lovely new one.

That's the smallest dress.

And your hair is stunning.

Millie, with what you got now, I'm going to date you up some night and take you

out and teach you how to swing it.

You don't think it's a little too daring?

Oh, nonsense, Millie.

Andy, what are your plans for tonight?

Oh, me? I think I'll just go and take a little walk. You know, in Carville, they

take up the sidewalks at 9 p .m.

And you, Marion?

I'm simply exhausted after a glorious day.

Philip has a business appointment.

An old boy. Does that Philip know his business?

Nobody's asked me what I'm going to do tonight.

Well, just how are you going to paint the town red, Millie?

I have a date with that nice Mr. Archer we met on the plane.

I was with him today.

Millie, dear.

You see, Marion, you're not so hot. Millie's got a date and you're just a

wallflower. I could have a date with Philip if I wanted to interfere with his

business. You have too many dates. A girl of your age should stay home at

once or twice a week and improve her mind.

Father, can't you make Andrew show me some more respect?

Well, Marion, I find that when you command respect, you generally get it.

And as for you, Andrew, you'll allow me to still be the father and make the

rules for the family?

Father, don't you think we ought to have the child psychoanalyzed?

Marion, in darkest Africa, women sell for as little as 50 cents apiece. And

say that those natives aren't civilized.

Andrew Hardy, I'll skin you alive.

And sisters frequently sell for as little as a dime.

It's a Paris model, of course.

Naturally, you wouldn't dare be seen in a copy.

Yes, that would be horrible, wouldn't it?

You really have a most sophisticated eye for clothes.

Have I?

Wherever you go, you'll be noticed.

How much is it?

Two hundred and sixty -five.

Two hundred... Why, that's fantastic.

But it's an original ciré.

Now, why don't I just charge it to your account?

Oh. But I wouldn't dare.

I see.

I misunderstood.

It's too bad, as the gown was really designed for your type of beauty.

Do you really think so?

I must admit I do.

But shall we take it off and look for something cheaper?

No.

I'll take this one.

Charge it to Judge James K. Hardy.

Why, it isn't the younger generation this country looks up to.

No, sir.

It's women like you, Miss Forrest. Women of dignity.

Dignity is a mighty fine and mighty rare quality nowadays.

Hardly a fascinating quality, is it?

Well, you make it fascinating.

No, I insist.

And I insist.

You being so kind to me gives me courage to mention something.

Yes? I'd like to spend an evening with you in your home, just talking.

I'd love to.

I have something rather particular I want to discuss with you.

Gee, you're awful nervous tonight. What's the matter?

Nervous? Why, of course not, Andrew. I just... Well, you know, schoolteachers

always feel jumpy by Friday night.

This package just arrived for you, Miss Hardy.

Package?

Yes, of course.

Package for me.

Oh.

What is it, Marion?

Oh, it's just a dress.

I bought it out of my allowance.

Marion's got a new dress because Marion wants a new boyfriend.

Don't be vulgar, you horrid little boy.

Andrew, don't tease your sister.

Remember, she's older than you are.

Remember, I've been trying to forget it all my life.

And I did.

Well, what is it?

Something wrong?

Of course there's nothing wrong. Just bought a new dress. Said I was going to

pay for it out of my allowance, didn't I?

Is there anything wrong in that?

You seem a little upset, my dear.

Oh, of course I'm upset. Why are you cross -examining me? You don't seem to

understand that we're not in Carville and you're not a small -town judge

anymore. All this talk about our not changing doesn't all have the fact that

we've got to change.

We've got to change, Marion?

Of course we've got to change. If you and Mother are sticking with us, I'm

This is for you, sir.

It came with Miss Marion's package.

Oh, thank you.

I suppose you've made a date for this evening.

I hope not. It's about time he stayed home. You know children, Emily.

Children, Aunt Millie.

Et tu, Brute?

What is it, Friday?

No, I haven't got a date.

I think I'll go to bed early tonight.

Isn't it lovely having a nice, quiet evening together?

None of us with a trouble in the world.

Isn't it, James?

Huh?

None of us were the trouble in the world.

You wouldn't consider all going to a movie or something.

Ellie, you're not by any chance trying to get rid of us, are you?

Well, Mr. Archer's coming to call.

And I just... Really?

Come on, James.

Andy? Aunt Millie, as one of your male relatives, I think I'd better stick

around here and give this mug the once -over. Oh, no, you don't. Come on,

everyone. We're an upstairs family tonight.

Okay, Mom, I was just kidding anyway. Besides, it's good to get to bed early

Friday night because you can get up early and have a longer day Saturday.

Good night, Aunt Millie. Good night, Andrew.

There's nothing like a home, is there?

No, I'm afraid there isn't.

You've given me some very happy hours of companionship.

Mildred. Thank you.

You have me, too.

That's why I want to talk to you alone tonight. I feel I have the right to.

I have something very serious I'd like to say to you.

Well?

You know, I... I'm worried about you.

Worried about me?

Why, I never felt better in my life.

Oh, not your health. Your future. Oh.

You're a very wise woman. But after all, there are people who would take

advantage of you. You ought to be protected.

Well, I've been protecting myself for some years now.

But what about the years to come?

You know what you ought to do, Mildred?

What I'm here tonight to explain and advise?

You ought to invest your $4 ,000 in real estate.

Did you say real estate?

Now, I'm in the business, and I've got the sweetest little buy for $4 ,800 you

ever saw.

A gilt -edge investment for your old age.

My old age?

When your teaching days are over, when you want to retire, and now is the time

to buy.

Oh, Mr. Archer, I have the most terrible headache.

I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to go. Well, how awful. Well,

I know what headaches are. I have sinus trouble myself.

Did this come on you suddenly?

Very suddenly.

Well, I always put cold claws on my eyes.

Yes. Good night, if you'll excuse me.

Dobbs will show you out

I

Hope you'll feel better.

We'll talk business tomorrow Sometimes an ice pack on the back of your neck

helps. Good night. Good night

What's this?

No fool like an old fool, James.

Well, I wouldn't say that. I've known some pretty good young ones in my day.

You may as well know.

Mr. Archer's interest in me was the sale of a gilt -edged piece of property.

That's a steal at $4 ,800.

Oh, the old pauper's.

But to make such a fool of myself.

Oh, no such thing. No such thing.

Deep down in your heart, I don't believe you ever would have taken him

seriously.

I must admit, I'd hate to have watched him talk with his mouth full three times

a day.

Well, you run on in, Emily.

And you two women take your hair down and talk it all out.

Mr. Brownell is in the library, sir.

Thank you, Dobson.

How do you do, Mr. Brownell? Good evening.

Here are all your documents back, Judge.

I should say about two million dollars' worth of them.

Well, as executor of the state... I believe you've proved yourself the heir.

Officially, there'll be a little more red tape, but you're a millionaire.

There's bound to be loopholes when you go back four generations.

For instance, we never have been able to find the birth certificate of Colonel

Leeds' son, Andrew, my great -grandfather. When you proved that

married and buried his Colonel Leeds' son, I guess any court will accept the

fact that he was born all right, especially in view of your supplementary

evidence. Well, it does seem too bad that Philip... Judge?

If Philip hadn't been mixed up with the wrong kind of people, I believe Mr.

Leeds might have willed him the estate.

Wrong kind of people?

Notably, a young woman named Consuela McNish, the chorus girl who'd set fire

an orphan asylum for 50 cents.

Give you a quarter change.

Forgive me, Judge, but I can't help asking what all this sudden wealth means

you, who'd been a... Yes, yes, a small -town judge.

Well, Mr. Brunel, it means a chance to spend more time with my family,

a warmer communion with my children, and an opportunity to read something other

than law books.

Well, good night, Judge Hardy.

And good luck.

Oh, wait, wait. I'll walk to the door with you. Thank you.

Going somewhere, Andrew?

What?

Yes, I was thinking about it. In all your festive attire?

Well, if you mean my tuxedo and opera hat, that's what I bought them for to

wear, didn't I?

And so, going out with Philip, I presume.

Andy, you think he's a fit companion for you?

Fit companion?

Why, gee, Daddy wears silk underwear Sundays and weekdays.

Oh, I see, I see.

Don't you think it's pretty late to be starting out?

Well, it might be light and caramel, but it's different here.

Do we have to be different?

Andy, I think this would be a good time for us to have a little man -to -man

talk. I don't agree with you, Dad. That sort of thing might have been all right

when I was just a kid in high school.

Have you aged so much in the past week?

Well, look at what I was a week ago and what I am today.

What are you today?

Well, I got a whole new viewpoint on life.

Maybe $2 million don't make any difference to you. You're old.

Well, you've been used to being poor all your life. You couldn't change if you

wanted to.

But me, well, I'm just starting out in life. I've got to meet the people and do

the things I've got a right to do.

Isn't that what you've always told me, is to look forward to the day when I'd

have my own responsibilities?

You know, Dad, someday this money's going to be all mine, and I'm just

ready for it.

But, of course, if you'll forbid me to go out in my tuxedo, I'm... No.

No, we don't forbid things in our family.

Okay. Night, Pop.

Hey, Dad, just put yourself in my place and you'll realize that $2 million makes

an awful difference.

Night, Pop.

Oh, Don.

Yes, sir?

Mr. Westcott told me about some books. The Colonel Lee's History of the War of

1812. Do you know where they are? Yes, sir. Over here.

Here they are, sir. These six volumes. Oh, thank you, Don.

Yes, sir?

Don't say anything to anyone, but be prepared.

We're leaving for Carville the first thing in the morning.

Oh, I hope that doesn't mean that Mr. Brownell brought news that you're not

going to inherit the Leeds estate, sir.

No, I think we'll be back all right.

nightclub, please. The Paradise?

Well, it's only across the street.

Ain't my money good?

Yeah, but... The Paradise nightclub, please, my man.

How

much

is it? Fifteen cents.

Here's a quarter. Give me a nickel back and we both made a profit. Easiest money

ever made.

Hiya, Andy. Hiya, kiddo.

Well, Sylvia, take Mr. Hardy's hat and coat.

Thank you.

See, Phil, that's some chorus girl. That's not a chorus girl, Andy. That's a

check girl.

Hat check girl?

Boy, what must the chorus girls be like?

All set, Henry? Right this way, sir.

Yes,

sir.

Say, is this the class?

Order now, Mr. Westcott. A buttercup fizz, handy?

Make it two.

Yes, sir.

Say, Phil.

The chorus girls.

Well, they should have let us start any minute now.

How many chorus girls are there? Twelve.

Twelve?

Oh, gosh. If I don't see some chorus girls pretty soon, I'm going to bust.

Andy, about that buttercup fizz. Oh, don't worry. One day last summer, I

nine bottles of root beer. It didn't faze me a bit.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I guess you know what you're doing, but that buttercup fizz is

full of rum.

I'm glad you told me it's alcohol, Phil, because I can't touch it. A little

young yet, eh?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's not it. It's on account of my father.

Oh, you promised him not to.

Well, it's a terrible secret, but seeing as how you're one of the family, liquor

is the hearty curse.

You mean your father?

Oh, Pop's been a drunkard for 40 years.

His father before him and his father before him.

No. Oh.

Pop used to come home drunk every Saturday night and beat Mom up. You're

fooling. Oh, you think I'd be fooling when I inherit the weakness?

One little sip of that buttercup fizz and I'd go on a rampage for a month.

I'm a... I'm a dispomaniac.

Mighty few men have your strength of character, Andy.

I have to do it for my poor mother's sake.

Say, Phil, how long has this been going on?

This show, about three weeks.

No, I mean the girls dressed in that.

Oh, that, for years.

Oh, gosh, have I been wasting my time in a country town?

Did you see that, Phil?

I did. That's Consuela McNace. She's the most popular chorus girl in town.

I know, but... Why should she wink at me?

Oh, now, come, come. Don't be modest.

You mean she likes me the first time she sees me?

Don't tell me this is the first time a lady fell in love with you at first

sight. Oh, well, I ain't saying I'm poison ivy to the women, but...

How

do you do it, Andy?

What's in the note?

Will you have supper with me at my apartment, 171 Hunter Street, after the

Consuelo McNish.

Well, you're certainly in luck.

Do you suppose somebody told her that I was going to be here tonight?

No, no, they always have notes like that handy and pick out the man and the

place that appeals to them most.

Well, she certainly is a fast picker.

Where's she going, Phil?

Well, she'll be back in a minute. She's gone to change her costume.

I can't have supper with her. I've only got 95 cents.

She'll be her guest, won't you?

I suppose so.

Say, it'd be a lot better if you could loan me that snazzy -looking cigarette

case. Sure.

You know, that'd give me a reason to start a conversation. You know, I could

say, uh, have a coffin nail, Miss McNeish?

I mean, conswallow old kid, old kid?

Well, some guys have all the luck. Here you're set for a nice private supper,

and I'm left standing up.

Oh, but you're going with me.

Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, but you've got to. I wasn't invited.

Oh, but... I can't go alone. Why not?

I don't know the girl. I've never been formally introduced.

I'm not easy to get acquainted with. I don't open up easy.

I won't go unless you go.

Well, all right. I'll drop in with you.

Boy, oh boy. Tonight I feel as though I was saying goodbye to Carvel forever.

Gosh, fishhooks.

That's her, ain't it?

Boy, oh, boy.

Andy Hardy having supper with a Statue of Liberty.

Woo -woo!

Miss Consuelo McNeish, we're expected.

The name is Andrew Hardy.

I'm popping to wait. Thank you.

Not a bad looking hut, is it?

Not bad, not bad.

You know what I feel like, Phil? I feel like I'm still asleep on Christmas

morning and Santa Claus himself is waking me up.

Mr. Hardy?

Well, Andy, old man, you found the right place. Good night.

Hey, Phil!

Good night.

Please come in, Mr. Hardy.

I will announce you, sir.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Oh, my gosh.

Miss McNish will be right out.

Good evening, Mr. Hardy.

Good evening.

Well, are you disappointed?

You got to excuse me, lady. All of a sudden, I got a terrible pain in my

stomach.

Yes, I'd like to see that there cigarette case, please.

A very good choice, sir.

Conservative, substantial.

Well, how much is it?

$175, sir.

Only $175?

Yes, sir. Gosh, that is reasonable.

I'll take this one. Thank you, sir.

Is it to be charged?

Yes, just charge it.

What name, please?

Andrew Hardy, son of Judge James K. Hardy. We're staying at the Leeds house.

My dad inherits the Leeds fortune.

I see. Any local references?

Yes. Mr. Brownell, the big attorney. He handles all of our affairs.

Just a moment, please.

Here you are, sir.

Mr. Brownell, secretary, says Judge Hardy's credit is unlimited.

You listen to this.

Dear Phil, I am sending back your cigarette case.

I had the jeweler polish it up because I scratched it a little.

We had to go back to Carville on today's plane.

We'll see you soon, Andy Hardy.

Consuelo, it worked.

Just wait till Brunel hears about his dear old honest Judge Hardy.

I told you I was sure Colonel Leeds had only one son and you laughed at me. Then

I planted a phony inscription in a book and promoted the judge to read it.

And where's the book?

It's gone, and so is Judge Hardy.

What you've done is most unethical. Is Judge Hardy being ethical, removing

evidence that might disprove his claim?

Faked evidence. He doesn't know that it's fake. Why didn't he tell you about

Now, I'm going to see my lawyer, and when Judge Hardy tries to collect the

estate, we'll show him what a courtroom looks like from the other side of the

bench. I can hardly believe it.

I'm afraid honesty is only a question of a high enough price after all.

Here I am, practically a multimillionaire and working like a

go back up in the attic and help your mother.

Remember, we're the only men in this family.

I get it. Where there's work to be done, I'm a man of the house.

A noble character like your great -great -grandfather, that big heroic soldier

of the War of 1812.

That high -minded and virtuous patriot, Colonel James Standish Leeds. You

couldn't have a better model.

Yes, sir, like this picture I found of him rolled up in a trunk in the attic.

Yes, sir. Just what I want to be like. Look.

See what it says here? It says, Colonel James Standish Leeds and his favorite

racehorse. You get that pop racehorse.

What else does it say? It says, he bet $25 ,000 in one day on this here horse

and won.

Hmm. Oh, so that's where I get my sporting blood.

Well, it looks like the sporting blood in our family jumped right over your

and landed right smack dab in my lap.

What's this?

Is something wrong, Pop?

No, no, no, no, no. Go on, I'll help your mother.

And another thing, Pop. You might say about that two million bucks that it's

given me big ideas, but it hasn't made me stuck up any. No, sirree, you'll find

me speaking politely to the poor people, just like I did when we used to live

here in the slums.

Yes, yes, yes, Millie.

Just a minute.

Yeah?

What are you locked up for, James?

I didn't want the door open suddenly and make such a draft and blows all these

papers about.

Here's another batch.

Thank you, Millie. Thank you.

Good heavens, what have you done to yourself?

Where's the attractive Miss Forrest? Not here, James.

I don't dare.

Not in Carvel.

I wish we'd never gone to Detroit.

Then at least I'd still have my dreams.

Though I blame only myself for not seeing that Mr. Archer's flattery wasn't

exactly honest.

Honest.

Honest, Millie?

I wonder how honest any of us is if the stakes are high enough.

As for Detroit, well, that put me in a little torture chamber of my own.

Trouble isn't with the two million dollars.

Trouble's with us.

We aren't used to having money.

But we can get used to it.

We can make it our servant instead of our master.

Miller Forrest!

You go fix yourself and that, and you get up and you march right down the main

street of Carville, and you dare anybody to make any cracks.

Now, hop to it. No excuses, young lady.

On his orders, Your Honor.

too much stuff could collect in one attic. Some of this must go back as far

Adam and Eve.

Emily, I... I... There's... Here.

Sit down a minute, Mother. Sit down.

Emily, there's something I want to explain to you.

Oh, well, there's no need going into a lot of legal details.

The gist of the matter of this, Mother...

My great -grandfather, Andrew Leeds, was not born a Leeds. He was only an

adopted son.

What does that mean? Is it important?

Well, it means that legally we are not entitled to the money.

I'm not a blood relative of the Leeds family.

Oh. Well, why did Mr. Brownell think that you were the heir to the estate?

Why, Mother?

Because you and I are the only two people in the world who know I'm not.

Now, Mr. Brownell's ready to give us the money.

All I've got to do is burn that picture and that book in the fire, and we're

rich.

I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be the right thing.

Remember, Mother, it's two million dollars.

If I put that book and that picture in the fire, the money is ours.

Well, then... But, James, wouldn't that be dishonest?

You want me to tell Mr. Brownell we won't take the money?

That's what you've already decided to do, isn't it?

I don't want you to think I'm being noble about this thing.

I want two million dollars, much anybody in the world.

But it's crooked deal, mother.

And sooner or later, murder will out, no matter how safe it may look at the

beginning. Well, of course, dear. Anybody knows that.

Besides, James, we wouldn't ever be the Hardy family with two million dollars.

We'd just be separate people living in the same house.

Mother,

you know what I worried about?

Well, they do say when a man my age retires after a lifetime of work, well,

liable to be dead in five years.

James, don't you dare talk like that. Well, I don't have to anymore. I'm not

going to retire.

That was an awful temptation.

But we're going to get rid of that temptation right now. I'm going to call

Brownell.

long distance, I won't put in a call for Detroit.

What's that, Judge?

Say that again, please.

I said I've discovered evidence which proves I have no right to the Leeds

estate.

What was that?

I'm very happy you called, Judge.

I was afraid you'd fallen into a trap that Philip laid.

What?

He did, eh?

Goodbye. Now, James, don't tell me we can't get rid of that $2 million.

We'll get rid of the money, all right.

Mother, if I ever needed one final proof that honesty is the best policy, I've

got it now.

Why, if we'd ever destroyed that evidence, I stood a pretty good chance

to prison.

But you didn't destroy it.

James, what do you think Andy and Marion will say?

That, my dear, is a real problem. Oh, dear.

How in the world does a man ever tell his children he's happy to say we aren't

going to be millionaires?

Oh!

Ow!

Andy, what are you... Oh, gosh. Dad wanted these papers down from the attic,

I piled them in these here boxes and... Threw me, Mom. He just threw me. Well,

it's a good thing I don't need these papers anymore.

You don't need the papers? I thought you told me you had to have the papers to

get the two million bucks, uh, dollars.

Uh... Suppose we aren't going to get two million dollars.

You couldn't have decided that a half an hour ago, could you, before I wore my

fingers to the bone?

Hey, are you kidding?

Andrew, suppose I could get us two million dollars, but I'd have to do a

dishonest thing.

Commit a crime, as I call it, from my bench in my own courtroom.

Would you want to be rich that way?

No, Dad, not you.

I'm at you.

Well, if we don't get the money, Dad, does Phil get it?

No. No, you see, Phil's adopted father didn't exactly approve of Phil's

blood.

Money goes to a children's hospital.

Well, I think that's very nice.

And now it's all settled, I can start cooking my steaks.

I don't know, Pop. I think I'll go take a walk around the block.

From racehorses back to poverty in five minutes is a little hard for me to take.

I understand.

I've got a confession to make about this dress I bought.

Oh.

You mean about, uh, this?

I've been waiting for you to tell me. I knew you would.

I'm going to send the dress back.

I've never worn it.

But I had to tell you.

It wasn't really me.

It was the $2 million that made me do such a dishonest thing.

And it's the first time I've ever lied to you.

The lie was the only thing that worried me.

I suppose now all my life I'll hate that $2 million.

I wouldn't worry too much about that.

We aren't going to get the $2 million.

We're not going to get the... Well, you don't seem very unhappy about it.

Are you unhappy about it, Marion?

No.

Not really unhappy.

Because, you see, it honestly seems so like a... like a dream.

Well, not a bad dream, thank our lucky stars.

Mother's going to be relieved.

Because ever since this money came up, she's been worried over how you've

changed.

I've changed? Why, Marion, I haven't. She told me the other night.

Why don't you worry about me?

And I know the money never meant anything to Mother.

So just you try and take it as bravely as you can.

Postman just came by. Special delivery for you from Detroit.

Oh, yes.

Don said he'd forward any mail.

Well, Dad, I've just been thinking it over.

If we ain't rich, we ain't rich.

Well, it's going to make a big change in my plans, though.

Two million bucks, just like that.

Well,

easy come, easy go.

Dad, could you increase my allowance just 50 cents a week, please?

We'll see.

This is for you. For me?

Dad. Yeah?

Trouble, Andrew?

Dad, didn't I read in the paper the other day where the government's making

awful easy for a guy to go into bankruptcy?

Yes, yes. Call 77B.

Why?

Well, I... I got in a little trouble, a little trouble in Detroit, and... What

kind of trouble, Andrew?

Well, uh, whatever I'd done.

Did. It was all on account of, well, trying to act like a millionaire's son

not knowing how.

Look, if you go someplace and you ask somebody how much something is and they

say $1 .75, what would you think?

Well, I think the article cost $1 .75.

There you are. Now, you can't blame me.

Well, just a minute. Just a minute. I'm a little confused.

Why don't you start this off at the beginning?

Well, it all started when the Statue of Liberty invited me to her apartment for

supper.

The Statue of Liberty invited you for supper.

I mean, this chorus girl was playing the part of the Statue of Liberty.

Chorus girls, Andrew?

Well, you see, Phil and I went to the Paradise. That's a nightclub. There were

thousands of people sitting around smoking and drinking.

But I didn't drink nothing, even if Phil did order me a buttercup fizz.

You didn't drink anything?

No, sir, not me. I was on a spot there.

Here I am sitting like a big man of the world with a big tall glass of liquor in

front of me.

Well, not knowing how to get out of drinking it without losing my standing

million -dollar playboy.

How did you get out of it?

Well, I told him I couldn't drink it because you were a drunkard.

What?

Well, even then he didn't believe me, so I had to build it up a little bit.

How did you build it up?

Well, I told him that the curse of drinking had put him in the downfall of

Hardy family.

Well, that you inherited it from your father and he from his father and I

inherited it from you.

I told him you used to take one drink and go out on a toot for months.

Even then he didn't believe me, so I had to really start going to town.

I told him we didn't have any food in the house and we didn't have any heat in

the wintertime.

And Marion and I had to go to school without any shoes on because you'd

everything in the place to get more money to buy more liquor.

But the thing that really started him winging was when I told him that up to

time that the minister had made you promise to take the pledge, you used to

home every Saturday night and beat up Mom.

Believe me, Dad, after Phil heard that, he wouldn't let me take a drink for a

thousand bucks cash. Believe me, that's what sold him.

That should have sold him. You see, after an experience like that, I wasn't

altogether to blame for what happened next.

Next?

What happened next?

Well... You see, after the Statue of Liberty invited me to her apartment for

supper, well, I had to have a cigarette case, you know, to show her that I was a

man of the world, and I didn't have one, so I just had to borrow Phil's. That's

quite logical, yes. Go on.

Well, just as I was leaving, I lost it.

Just as you were leaving?

Seems to me there's quite a gap in your story.

I understand this is to be man to man, Andrew.

You won't laugh at me, will you?

Man to man.

Well, I... I get up to the Statue of Liberty's apartment.

I'm sitting around there and... Well, all of a sudden it doesn't feel like

going to be as much fun as I thought it was going to be. And... And, well, in

she comes. She comes into the room and she's all dolled up.

She looks beautiful. But awful old.

About 25 or 26.

And, well...

I get feeling like, well, like I'm not a million -dollar playboy and just what I

am, a 16 -year -old kid.

Well, it isn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be like.

Yes, Andrew.

And, well, there I am, and how am I going to get out of it? All of a sudden,

get the answer. I say to myself, there's a way a gentleman can get out of it and

still be a gentleman.

So I looked her straight in the eye and said, will you excuse me, please, ma

'am? I don't feel so well this evening.

Then you made a dignified exit.

Huh?

No, Dad. I told her I had a pain in my stomach and grabbed my hat and ran like

blazes.

Oh, you're laughing at me. I mean, inside you're laughing at me.

No.

No, I'm not laughing, Andy.

My mind went back a great many years.

Only it didn't happen in the chorus girl's apartment.

It was just the dingy front parlor of a country town boarding house, and that's

the only difference.

And I ran like blazes.

Did you, Dad?

Like blazes.

Pop, you weren't backward when you were a boy, were you?

No, certainly not.

I don't know what kids like me do to deserve swelled pops like you. Well, I

know. Because they do just what you've done.

But if that isn't all, there's still the terrible consequences.

Man to man, I need $175.

$175?

I mean, dollars?

Well, you see, as I was running down the street, I lost Phil's cigarette case.

Well, I didn't want to tell him, so the next day I go to this little shop and I

see one just like his, and I ask the man how much it was.

He says $175.

I thought it was $1 .75, didn't you? But, gee, they got a funny way of

in Detroit.

$175 means a...

$175. Obviously, I've got to pay for the cigarette case.

Well, if you take a quarter out of my allowance a week, it'll take me pretty

near 20 years to get even.

I'm afraid I'll have to think up some more drastic plan than that.

Well, whatever you think of, you dish it out and I'll take it.

As for the cigarettes, well, I won't touch them until I'm at least 18, and

liquor I won't touch until I'm 21, and as for chorus girls, I'll be a middle

-aged businessman before I forget how scared I was.

Well, then I'm not sorry it all happened.

Thanks.

Look, as long as I'm going to lead that kind of a life, would it be all right if

I told Polly Benedict a lie?

Oh, not a real bad lie, just sort of a high -class fib.

Something to do Polly any wrong?

Oh, no, sir, to be for her own good.

That is, unless, of course, she'd want your son to be the most henpecked man in

Carville.

Well, it is said that all is fair in love and war.

Well, if that isn't true, there's a lot of people I know around here been

getting away with murder.

Say, I'm going right over now and try my scheme out on Polly. I'll have her

either eating out of my hands for the rest of my life or I'll come home on a

stretcher.

Oh, gosh, excuse me, Mom.

Well, Mother, how does it feel to be poor again?

Poor? I got my iron frying pan, didn't I?

I'm rich.

What on earth are you carrying behind you? Hey, you shut your eyes. What? Shut

your eyes, I tell you.

Shut... Shut your eyes.

Keep them shut.

Now open.

Oh, mother, you blessed idiot.

I can't go around and carvel in this.

Well, you were going to if we got the two million dollars.

And it's better that we didn't. People would think you were wearing a high hat

just because you were rich.

We'll go to church late on Sunday and everybody will see it.

I'm forgetting my steaks.

bottle of Lady Windermere nail polish, please.

What shade, madam?

Why, Aunt Miss... Miss Forrest, I am glad to see you, but you've... I've been

away. The polish, please.

It's two dollars for a small bottle.

I know, but it's all I use.

Yes, ma 'am. What shade?

Fuchsia. The only shade anybody is using.

Thank you, Mr. Davis.

Charge it to my account.

Say, I... that is, I... Would you have a soda with me?

I think that would be charming.

It sure would.

Good afternoon, Miss Benedict.

May I be so bold as to drop in for a cup of tea?

Why, after all, we have known each other since we were children.

Why, yes, yes, of course.

Come in.

Come right in.

When... When did you get back from Detroit?

Yesterday by plane.

Wonderful idea, those air hostesses. The one we had wasn't a day over 22.

Took personal delight in making me feel right at home.

Oh, uh... Won't you have a chair, Miss Benedict?

Well, thanks.

And how are your parents, the good monsieur and madame Benedict?

Oh, they're just fine, thanks.

Do you mind if I smoke?

Andrew Hardy, do you smoke cigarettes?

Oh, foolish habit, I know, but what is life without a few vices?

Oh, but I think that's awful.

These are all right. I had them specially prepared for me in a little

Detroit.

Please. I got a cigarette cough.

Too many cigarettes.

Well, how many cigarettes do you smoke?

About four or five packages a day.

Just a slave to the habit.

Well, I'm not going to let you kill yourself.

At least not in my presence.

Silly little girl, but how she loves me. Who?

The chorus girl that gave me this cigarette case.

Andrew Hardy?

Do you know chorus girls?

Oh, I suggest we better drop the subject right away.

After all, you're just a child.

Miss Benedict, could I trouble you for a drink, please?

I'll get some tea.

Oh, if you don't mind, I'd prefer a slug of gin, please.

Andrew Hardy?

Do you drink liquor?

First time I got a taste of the stuff I was ruined.

Craving for alcohol is in my blood.

You've got to get me a drink right away.

You've got to get me something to drink or I've got to get to a saloon quick.

Oh, no, Andy, don't, please, don't, don't.

Let me go, please. I've got to have whiskey, gin, vodka.

You must bite it, Andy. You mustn't give in.

Please, Andy, for my sake.

Well, you've got to hang on to me tight, Polly.

Oh, Andy, please go back to being a hoodlum and I'll never even speak to a

pants again.

Well, that's more like it.