Original subtitles

THE VERY MERRY WIDOWS

A CATHERINE CORSINI FILM

Claude...

Goodbye, darling.

Hello. Miss Laurence Berthelot?

It's Granget. Are you there?

OK.

I'm calling because I have news about your grandmother.

It's a miracle after this long,

but I finally found her.

- Hello, Mrs. Harot. - Hello.

My condolences.

Thank you. Come in.

As I said before, three months ago, Mr. Harot

designated you the beneficiary of his life insurance policy.

It comes to 500,000 euros.

That'll help. You must have meant a lot to him.

Yes.

Dying from heatstroke is just... so silly.

Yes, and after only three months of marriage.

Are you going to stay here?

No. This was his house. There...

- Yes? - There are too many memories.

I'll need the address of your new residence

to inform the tax department. The payout is taxable.

You do know that?

But I'm a Swiss citizen.

I pay my taxes there.

OK.

Sonneville and Grant is very loyal to you.

Excuse me?

I saw that you already received

life insurance in 1976, from a Mr. Defonte.

- A former husband. - It wasn't much.

It was awful.

- It's nice of you to come to me. - I'm used to it.

Remember to call my hotel

when you have all the papers.

I'll be there till tomorrow.

In the meantime, enjoy the fine weather.

A little sun would do you good.

You're a bit... olive.

Goodbye.

Hello?

- Sonneville and Grant? - Yes.

Claudia, it's Thomas. You OK?

Fine. What's the news?

The Harot widow is pretty particular.

OK, go on.

Do you think my skin is olive-tinted?

Did she say that to you? Old bitch.

Huh?

I reminded her that she already

got a payout from a Mr. Defonte in 1976,

- and she didn't like that. - Really?

She was icy.

She's an old bag. It's to be expected.

I'm meeting her tomorrow.

Good. Don't screw it up.

I'll be good.

OK. Call me later.

OK, honey.

Ms. Harot?

Ms. Vargas?

Ren e Berthelot?

Grandma?

Grandma, are you there?

Grandma?

Grandma?

Anyone home?

Grandma?

Grandma, are you there?

I'll have another.

Is it strong?

I hate whisky.

I hate myself, too.

There's no reason to.

No reason to?

I just drove 600 miles

to try to see my grandma

and she didn't even open the door.

She's my only relative. I was so happy to see her again.

Is that her in the photo?

She was beautiful. Is that you?

I was four.

And you haven't seen her since?

I had to hire a private eye to find her.

Really?

She spent her life moving.

She's lived at least once in every department in France,

and abroad, too... in Switzerland, in Italy, in Spain...

But do you know why?

She's racked up quite a few husbands.

That's amazing.

I found out from the detective.

That's really something.

CAF

Want to walk a little together?

I'm at a hotel by the train station.

Mine's up there.

Are you all right?

- Shall we? - Yeah.

Writing is really time-consuming.

I travel all the time to get inspiration.

It's nice to have ideals in life.

It's essential.

That's what Goth Wlochoski,

a Batavian writer, said.

And what's your ideal?

Oh, me...

A man, a marriage and children...

And a house by the water.

- And ducks. - Ducks? OK!

No, no, not too much alcohol.

- I don't need much to... - I like it.

The more you drink, the closer you get to me.

Oh? Then I'll stop.

OK.

All done.

So... You're single?

Yeah.

I shouldn't drink.

I ask you questions...

I ask you totally personal questions.

- I'll stop. - I was engaged, but...

He just left me. It only lasted three weeks.

You have been warned.

He married his co-worker.

I asked him why her and not me.

At first, he didn't know what to say.

All he could come up with was, "you're ugly."

- Did you believe him? - Yes.

Don't put yourself down!

He didn't know how to see you.

You're charming. Very pretty.

I don't scare you?

I think I scare the guys I date.

No. I'm not scared.

You're direct. That's nice.

- Are you single? - Absolutely.

Oh, my love!

- I love you! - Huh?

I love you! I love you!

I love you!

Babe? Sorry, I know you're asleep.

Hang on. This is important. I've got news.

I'm not kidding, Claudia! This is huge!

Really? OK.

- The Harot widow had six husbands. - What?!

Yeah.

Call up all the insurance companies tomorrow

to see whether she had policies

for Fonsac, Aymeric, Salagnac, Claven, and Perret.

Let me get a pen!

Hey, wait!

You don't want to come with me?

She's your grandmother, not mine.

She might have some inspiring stories to tell.

You can tell me tonight. I can't.

- Can I call you first? - Yeah, yeah.

I'll miss you.

You again!

- What are you looking for? - You.

- What do you want? - Nothing!

Then goodbye.

But I'm your granddaughter. Mathilde's daughter.

I thought so.

Bad timing. My poor husband died two weeks ago.

- I heard. - You should go home.

I came a long way,

and it's not healthy to be alone at a time like this.

I have nothing to say to you.

It's nice of you, Laurence, but you're stubborn!

Did your mother send you?

Mom died ten months ago.

That's how I found out about you.

- How did she die? - She had a weak heart.

And yet she used it so sparingly.

You didn't like her much, eh?

What do you expect? I never had maternal instinct.

I had Mathilde at 16.

I wasn't at all interested in her, and that didn't change.

She hated the way I lived.

I think I'm the only person who does.

Do you miss her?

Of course. We didn't speak anymore,

but it was still something.

I'm used to death.

- How old are you? - Twenty.

- Married? - No.

- Divorced? - No.

- Are you living with someone? - No.

- Do you have kids? - No.

That's something!

- Do you need money? - No.

Why?

Go on, be honest. We're family.

I didn't come for money.

It's always the same, these big families.

The first generation strikes it rich.

The second generation saves.

And the third spends it all!

Excuse me, but I have to go out.

I thought you were sad.

When I'm depressed, I need to forget.

Goodbye, Laurence.

It's me, Laurence.

I miss you,

and I hope you miss me, too.

Call me back soon. I love you.

I called Thomas.

He writes adventure novels. I'm in love.

He writes novels, huh?

How original. Did he give you one?

No, not yet.

You barely know him, then?

- We met yesterday. - Really?

So it was love at first sight?

Exactly.

And he's not here with you, doting on you?

I'm seeing him tonight. We're in love.

You're in love. Clearly.

Can you wait for me at the bar? I'll be five minutes.

Can you call Mr. Milcaux for me?

Look at this. Incredible.

Yeah... Fell down the stairs...

Indigestion. Really?

That's not all, babe. Get this.

A hang-gliding accident, a fall from a horse, and a drowning.

It could have been dozens

with the same end:

No proof, and they were all very typical deaths.

She really thinks of it all.

- Mr. Milcaux? - Yes.

Ms. Harot is here.

In the private room.

- OK, thanks. - He'll be right there.

Or we need to catch her in the act.

- I agree. - OK.

OK, she'd better not see me.

Yeah.

I'll go to your room?

- OK. - Be quick.

See you soon.

Jesus!

This is just like him!

So?

Everything's going well.

She gave me her bank information.

Her granddaughter might give me some more info later.

Come here! Speaking of your little dunce...

I haven't forgotten.

This is going to be your party!

What are you doing?

- Getting my handcuffs. - Already?

Handcuff time...

Don't act innocent.

- We've got some things to say. - Really?

I want to know if you slept with her.

I won't tell you anything. And "little dunce," really?

Oh, you won't? In that case...

I didn't do anything!

Pull me hair! Yes!

You're crazy!

React! Hit me!

That's it! Choke me!

Is that what you want?

Yes!

- You're a quick learner! - Like that?

Spit on me! Go on!

- Tell me you love me. - I love you.

I love you.

- What's that? - Something smells funny.

- Shit, Claudia! - What? Shit!

The bed's on fire! Un-cuff me!

- Figure it out yourself! - Shit!

Un-cuff me!

Shit!

What's she doing here?

Someone's here?

- Who? - This red-head

who looks like a gnome.

Fucking handcuffs! Help me!

It's your little dunce!

Take that!

Stop! Laurence!

Stop it! Claudia, help!

- Let go of him! - Bastard!

Get off me, dungeon master!

- You little prick! - Laurence!

Asshole!

- Laurence, no! - You deserve it!

Wait!

Laurence!

Laurence!

Let me explain. Don't leave.

Claudia works for the police!

She's helping on a new book.

That was work talk.

You're not a novelist.

Wait!

Why?

I'm sorry.

I was honest about

last night. It's not what you think.

I hate you!

Sorry about Claude but you'll cope.

How cruel!

I've always had kind feelings... more than kind...

Henri Paul, a friend of my deceased husband's.

Laurence, my granddaughter,

who was kind enough to keep me company

during these trying times.

Miss.

Dear friend, I would love

to host you in Meg ve this winter,

and if this charming young woman wanted to join...

We'll think about it.

I'll call you, rest assured.

I'm counting on you.

Goodbye, Miss.

You really had an effect on him.

Where did you disappear to?

I assumed you were chasing your novelist.

He's busy. He canceled our date.

Already?

If a guy says he loves you after one day,

he's a liar.

He took you for a ride.

Oh, I mean...

He's having an affair.

Or I'm his affair. I dumped him.

An affair? With who?

Some kind of S-and-M porn star.

Forget about him, honey.

He's a pervert, and perverts are unbearable.

He took advantage of me.

You know what he called me?

His little dunce...

That's tough.

I thought he'd be different,

but it's always the same.

I'm such an idiot.

It's not what you thought it was. A great love...

I was wrong.

I'll believe you now. I'll listen to you.

Do you think you could help me?

You and I are quite different. What would you do with me?

- No one cheats on you, right? - Never.

Come on. It's not worth making a scene over.

Come on.

When you fall off the horse,

you have to get right back in the saddle.

- Right away? - Right away.

How do you manage to be so strong? It's human.

I simply refuse to sabotage my life.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

I feel like I'm going to make a mistake.

Ren e, don't leave me. You're all I have left.

You're the only person I can count on.

OK! Don't push it.

I know all about the sobbing bit.

Where's your hotel?

Near the train station.

Saint Plot Hotel.

Sir, the Saint Plon Hotel.

We need to be at the airport by six o'clock.

OK.

Are you taking me?

I have an apartment in Juan-les-Pins I inherited.

We're going to have ourselves a good time.

Really?

The men on the C te-d'Or are so handsome...

Men of action with hearts of gold.

You seem to be in the perfect state of mind...

Is it ruined?

Even if we did investigate, it would take years.

She moves up the time of death of a few old men,

and the money she steals was already lost.

If you want to be hired,

you need to sell contracts.

I don't agree.

I almost think the little dunce has affected you.

- So? Are you jealous? - Not in the slightest.

It's just that the old lady might well kill her.

You're really starting to bore me!

- Intern or not... - What?

Whatever.

- You're fired! - Great. See ya.

Thomas?

The novelist. Give me that!

What do you think?

A bit bold for a widow, isn't it?

No... It's black.

I was the same as well but I ran faster...

Perhaps I could give you my number.

Yes, I would be very pleased...

Shit...

- My number is here. - I imagine you...

Yes.

Good to see you.

Good to see you too. Bye!

You're beautiful!

Look at yourself. Finally your breasts are on display.

Look how different you look!

Yeah. I feel a little slutty, though.

"Slutty," what an expression...

You're hiding your potential.

Stand up straight.

Imagine you see the man of your life on the street.

He's riding a Vespa, and you're on the bus.

He needs to notice you in a split second,

jump off his scooter, and get on the bus,

or else all is lost!

That kind of thing never happens!

It does to me.

That's how I seduced your grandfather.

I want to be loved for who I am.

But your body, your appearance, that is you.

If you think you'll find a guy who's worthy of you

by wearing a garbage bag, excuse me...

Miss!

This dress, this one, this one, and this one.

And she'll be wearing the green one.

I can't go out like this!

Yes you can!

Smile a little.

Make an effort.

Is it the novelist?

He's not worth the trouble.

You knew him two or three days.

That's enough for me.

Even one night, sometimes.

You'll get old before you should.

Look at me: I preserve myself.

I'm still as fresh and healthy.

But the men around you don't last long.

You're so mean!

Sorry.

I got you again! You fell for it.

You can be so gullible.

What you need is an actor, or a bored prince.

If you knew how easy it is.

I don't know them.

No. They don't know you.

If you can get yourself invited by one of these men,

I'll give you a check for 2,000 euros, OK?

No, not A3. C2.

- Cheat! - Come on, Jules!

Thanks.

He's a sore loser?

Because he rarely loses, especially not to me.

He's my nephew. Well, the nephew of my...

Want to play?

Gladly. White or black?

White.

You owe me 2,000 euros.

No. You found him on your own.

That doesn't count.

But he's not bad.

And you weren't surprised by anything?

Something vaguely strange.

Like his wedding ring?

Jean-Daniel always wears his.

- Jean-Daniel? - Yeah.

He keeps his wife's in his wallet.

He showed it to me. She's dead.

That's what he led me to believe.

Oh, the poor man!

And what does he do for a living, this poor widower?

He's a doctor.

Doctor...

- A surgeon, I think. - Oh?

Yeah. He does plastic surgery.

That's good.

Specialists are always best.

Now we can begin our second lesson.

- What's the second lesson? - Learning how much money he has.

I'm not going to look after you for centuries.

This will be great for tonight.

What is it?

Yesterday, I was just charmed.

Now I worry he'll break my heart.

Already?

I've wanted to love him since the moment I saw him.

Are you like this every time?

Yeah.

You have to stay distant

in order to keep him stimulated!

How do I put this...

Don't think about him. Think as though you were him.

When he sees you, his heart has to leap from his chest.

Run to him as though everything were normal.

Charming, elegant.

If he kisses your hand give him it,

but pull away as though he were too brusque.

Make yourself seem inaccessible.

If he sees that you're distant, he won't get too comfortable.

Want some champagne?

Yes.

His adrenaline spikes.

He gets worried. He thinks about you.

He focuses on you. He obsesses about you.

You use your appearance. You smile mysteriously.

I've not eaten

with anyone on this boat in a long time.

Do you like the sea?

Yes.

I crossed the Atlantic on this boat.

Listen to him. Men love being listened to!

If you want, one day, I'll take you to the Bahamas.

Let him talk.

I love the sea.

The more he talks, the more he opens up.

I love the sea-spray, the solitude...

And the more his ego will stop him from backtracking.

The endless sky...

If he takes your hand, as though inadvertently,

act as though it were clumsy.

And when he doesn't know what to do, let him dig himself deeper.

You must have someone...?

A boyfriend, I mean.

Then you nail him to the wall.

You think I'd have come here?

Maybe I don't please you...

Perhaps I should go.

No, no. I'm sorry. That was clumsy of me.

I don't want to be alone.

Stay. Please.

But on a first date,

never kiss him!

Be mysterious, fascinating,

but stay distant and classy.

Inaccessible. Easily scared off.

If he sees that you want him,

he thinks, "she wants me,"

and he can lose the sensation of urgency,

and then you're headed for disaster.

Sorry. I can't.

Not yet.

I'm sorry.

It's the first time I've

forgotten her for over an hour.

And then, kissing you...

I can't do it.

Keep him simmering.

I'll wait till you're ready.

"I'll wait till you're ready."

"I'll wait till you're ready." "I'll wait till you're ready."

What in the world made you say a thing like that?

It seemed right.

This will take years!

Do you want to wait years?

OK.

Can you introduce me to this widower?

She died instantly?

Talk to me. It'll help you, I'm sure of it.

I'm the gloomy, inconsolable widower.

"My only star is dead."

Madeleine... She was in the back seat of the car.

I hit the brakes, and she went through the windshield.

"And my constellated lute Bears the black Sun of Melancholia."

The only thing I still enjoy is gambling.

Gambling?

At the casino.

- Do you want another drink? - Let's stick to whisky.

Gambling...

Let's go!

Why? Where?

- We're out to sea! - Your surgeon lied to you!

It's a waste of time.

He lost his money gambling. He's riddled with debt.

He won't pay them off for decades!

And the yacht is mortgaged!

Wait! My shoes!

Madeleine!

Madeleine!

Jean-Daniel!

Shit! He jumped!

Language, please!

What are you doing?

Grandma!

Grandma! The rope ladder!

Quick! He fainted!

He jumped on his own, he can climb up on his own.

Grandma, please!

I've asked you a hundred times not to call me that!

There's no point, honey.

It's the undertaker's job now.

Grandma, please! Grandma!

Grandma!

Grandma!

Do you believe me?

Will they find him?

Don't worry. We'll help you.

Sweetie...

We're going to go away from here.

There are too many memories.

Thank you, sir. Yes...

Could you stop whistling, Grandma?

The one time I meet a decent man...

Decent, decent...

He kissed you and then abandoned you, just like all the others.

But he's dead.

So? That was his choice, right?

What do you expect? Everyone goes sooner or later.

Folk are born and die.

That's the only democracy there is.

Laurence, and I know you're here!

Open the door, Ms. Harot!

The insurer?

Laurence, I acted like a lout.

The novelist!

I've followed you from Lyon. I was just at the harbor.

What were you scheming with him?

You were plotting!

I had no idea.

I'll count to five and break in.

I'm serious! One, two...

Laurence, if you stay with your grandma

you could be in big trouble.

I'll handle him. He's my problem.

Not sure I can trust you anymore.

...Four...

I didn't know.

Come with me before it's too late.

I'm getting the heck out of here.

- Laurence, open up! - Five minutes.

Five!

Wait for me!

The woman in hotel room is my manager.

I couldn't say no to her.

Shit! Laurence, I hurt myself.

Open up...

I'll take you back to Paris.

Laurence?

Laurence?

Where are you? I can't see a thing.

I'm here.

I'm here.

Where?

Here.

Did you come for her or for me?

What happened on the boat?

Nothing. A guy drowned himself for me, out of love.

Are you impressed?

You wouldn't do that for me.

I was really afraid for you.

Laurence!

Laurence!

I'll find you!

Wait for me!

Hurry up!

The insurer... That really takes the cake.

If I'd known he was the insurer

I'd not have spoken to him.

About me?

I think Thomas found out a bit about you

through the detective I hired.

Well now, that's some news!

Did you know these things?

He has no proof. He's waiting for an error.

But I'm sure my grandma's innocent.

She wouldn't do that stuff.

Look, the guys I meet are always on the edge of the cliff.

I don't push them. They fall.

Classic male.

Don't you think you speed things up a little?

Some of them even asked me for a hand in the matter,

but no one would believe that.

- I believe you. - Thank you.

Hand me my glasses please.

I really can't see well.

It's trashy here, isn't it?

Him.

No! He's too old.

Please, darling. He's barely older than me!

No.

Allow me to introduce myself. Maurice.

Maurice Donnay, like the tennis rackets.

Thanks, but I'm spoken for.

- I'm interested in your mother! - My grandmother?

She doesn't look like it!

Do you have a depressive side?

Pardon?

Morbid thoughts? Suicidal tendencies?

Not the Maurice Donnay I know!

Then if I were you, I'd keep a safe distance.

Why? Does she bite?

No. No. She kills.

She's ill. She's a pervert.

- A pervert? - In the clinical sense of the term.

She hasn't progressed past the child-king stage.

You seem to know a lot.

Say,

does she like to tie people up?

Excuse me?

With ropes. That sort of thing.

The clinical sense, I said!

Do you think I have a chance with her?

No! Forget it.

Isn't it beautiful?

Excuse me.

Maurice Donnay. Maurice to my friends.

Charmed.

What do you think of him? Isn't he handsome?

I didn't think he was your type.

I haven't danced like that in years.

Dancing is a very good test.

Ren e, here are some flowers

Ren e, to open your heart

The door is locked Give me the key

Hear him knocking

Ren e, I'll follow you everywhere

Ren e, like an old dog

All alone

A dog with no collar Hear him howl

Ren e, listen to my heart

Ren e, my heart is crying out

It stopped when it found you

It woke up, boom boom boom

Ren e, don't be scared

Ren e, welcome the happiness

Life is happy Don't deprive yourself

What's the good of singing

Say, Laurence...

Could you give us a moment?

An hour, maybe two. OK?

OK...

- What's wrong, Grandma? - Nothing.

Did something go wrong?

- Did he hurt you? - No.

Tell me, Laurence...

You have had sexual experiences

with... with men?

Well, yeah.

And with them...

Did...

What?

He made me come! There, I said it.

That's never happened to me.

Not since your grandfather.

You mean, none of them you've been with have...

I stimulated. I mean, I simulated. I faked it.

Do you think it's normal

for this to happen to me now, at my age?

Well...

Fireworks, darling.

Well, enjoy it.

And eat something.

Maurice, no!

Hello...

It's me.

Alexis.

You're... Marie?

Pardon?

Marie Brimaux, Marie Gri... Marie Tri...

Ma... Marie Rimaux?

No, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Because you're a redhead, and you're reading the Nice paper.

I'm not Marie,

but you could still buy me a drink.

I don't want to bother you.

You're not bother at all. I'm as a free as air.

There's your Marie, I think.

You're thinking you might miss

the chance of a lifetime?

You'd need a few minutes,

but sometimes you don't have a few minutes.

You have to make a decision in a split second,

right?

Just say the word.

- Which word? - The word "yes."

Yes!

Hide the papers!

That was just to help you.

Don't get any ideas.

Of course. Excuse me. Sorry.

- It was an emergency. - Right.

Can I buy you a drink?

Why not?

Is there any...

So...

Not only is he kind,

but he owns pretty much the whole town.

And he has exclusive rights for BMW in the whole region.

That's good.

What do you think of this one?

It's for Maurice, to hide his...

Right, his gold chain.

I'll take this one and this one.

How many do you have?

Three.

I'll take three of both, then.

Did you find anything for... Alexis?

No.

Belts! Why not belts?

Why?

I thought it was his job to buy gifts.

Oh, you can make an exception!

DERVIN AUTO

Hello!

How are you?

I'm glad you came.

I've never met a girl as beautiful as you.

I have something for you in my pocket.

Could you...

A necklace.

I designed it. It's solid gold.

Do you like it?

It's beautiful.

- But... - What?

If you don't like it, we can change it.

It's just a bit heavy.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

How could I not have thought of that? I've got an idea.

Wait for me? I'll get changed.

You can pick anything at the jeweler's.

Anything. It's for you, OK?

OK.

Can I keep it?

Yeah, yeah...

Ren e...

I love you.

Grandma!

Grandma!

End of lesson number three. I'm engaged.

- Engaged? Seriously? - Yes.

I think it's love.

Congratulations. Are you pulling my leg?

Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't wasting my time

marrying all those imbeciles.

You saw his blue eyes, and his tender hands...

Hang on, Grandma. Is it the twilight zone?

What's going on here?

You made a commitment to me!

Yes, I know, sweetie.

- Get a grip! - What's up?

I'm hungry!

I'm coming!

I'm coming!

No!

I'm coming!

My first chamois.

Cheese!

To the happy couples!

This is the happiest day of my life, Grandma.

Call me Ren e.

I feel like it's my first wedding.

Alexis, you'll spoil her for me, won't you?

I plan to!

Alex!

Be right back!

He's perfect.

I've had enough already. Don't go, please.

What? Are you insane?

- I'd never leave you. - Ren e! My love!

This is for us. La ultima cuerda.

He's so handsome...

I'm going.

Shit!

Laurence...

Laurence...

Laurence...

I love...

I adore...

I adore your asshole...

Your cute little asshole...

Your cute little asshole...

Sorry, was I snoring?

What's wrong?

I can't do this anymore.

What?

I'm sick of you.

We've only been married a month!

You're too nice, Alexis.

It's not normal. It's inhuman.

It's driving me nuts.

It's because I love you.

I don't care! I can't take it!

- Take a lover. - What?

Yeah.

I'll be quiet about it.

I'll let you sleep with him in our bed,

and I'd sleep on the couch.

And in the morning, I'd even bring you croissants.

He and I could share you.

We'd each have our days.

What if I said I was leaving you?

That's not possible.

I can't live without you.

- Things would happen. - Things?

I might kill myself.

Yes, I think I'd kill myself.

But I'd kill you first.

- Are you joking? - Do I sound like I'm joking?

No, I'm not joking.

Your little asshole...

Your charming little asshole...

I'll take good care of it.

Your charming little asshole.

Alexis!

Alexis!

You get up, you turn the light on, and bing!

You've got coffee and toast.

We agreed that wouldn't mess with the wiring anymore.

But it was an easy job.

Even when it's easy, you ruin everything!

You're bad at electricity!

We told you before.

Asshole.

You've gotta stop, Maurice.

Otherwise, you're Fanny.

OK, I'll be quiet.

He's busting my balls.

Too bad.

How do I make up for a play like that?!

If you can't play, don't!

I'll teach you.

You need to learn a few things.

I play just fine, but you don't know how to throw.

You're really something, Mrs. Know-It-All.

Another round, Maurice?

If we change teams.

This is unfair.

Very classy of you!

- I'll play with you, Gran. - Thanks, dear.

There.

- Let's do it! - OK.

Get that outta here.

If she wants.

Don't you want a taste?

Kiddo.

- We're lucky men. - Yep.

Yesterday she said, "Which do you prefer,

"beautiful women or intelligent ones?"

I told her,

"Neither, darling! You know I love you!"

I never thought you could grow to hate someone so quickly.

- Me neither! - Really?

I thought it was great with you two.

He gets on my nerves.

He's started pinching pennies.

At first it was discreet, but now...

We don't drink champagne anymore. We drink sparkling wine.

And he's started stealing the little jars of jam

from the breakfast baskets.

And now we split the tip at restaurants!

What do you expect? Time has done its work.

Didn't we miss something

between lessons two and three?

We have to rework your theory.

Living with a stingy man is beyond me.

To think I could have died without ever meeting her...

Do you realize what life is?

Yeah.

The poor thing. She hasn't had much luck in the way of husbands.

There's always number four.

Number four?

I'm not sure you're ready for lesson number four.

I do have one regret:

that Mom never got to meet her.

What are you doing here?

Come in.

I went to your old place.

Your landlord showed me the wedding announcement.

He's very happy for you, and he says congrats.

Nice place you've got here!

Very bourgeois.

He must be a nice catch.

I married him out of love.

Oh yeah?

I see.

That's fascinating.

Life-insurance payouts for old people

are already small, but the younger the guy is...

That's low of you.

Are you happy?

- You're jealous? - I was.

Then I got here...

Unfortunately, I don't have a life-insurance policy.

Neither does Alexis! You ruined everything.

You opened my eyes.

You got carried away before I even had time to...

- To? - I don't know.

To think...

You want an apology? I'm sorry.

I don't know why I came.

Then leave.

Thomas?

Asshole!

Thomas, it's me, Laurence.

Sorry I called you an asshole.

It just came out.

I was wrong about Alexis.

If you still think about me,

then come. I'm afraid of making a mistake.

I put your grandmother in the kitchen.

Restaurants are dull, don't you think?

A nice cook in the kitchen,

there's nothing better to make a man happy.

Here.

She needed to put some weight on.

A little fattening up wouldn't do you any harm, either.

Maurice!

Oh!

Oh, no!

Did you...?

If I had,

do you think he'd look that happy?

Oh, no!

Maurice!

Don't move.

I'll go get help.

Maurice...

Shit, shit, shit!

He didn't deserve that.

The one time the guy kicks the bucket

all on his own, like a grownup.

No problem.

It'll drive like butter now.

Can I help you?

I'm looking for Laurence Berthelot.

It's not Laurence Berthelot anymore.

It's Laurence Dervin now.

- She's my wife. - Right, I know.

I'm a friend of hers.

An old friend.

Oh yeah?

Yeah. I came about...

- I remember! - Excuse me?

No, I'm aware.

You're the lover.

Nice to meet you. Alexis.

It was my idea. Come on.

Not bad. Thinner...

You really got him good.

Good thing your husband has an auto shop.

What's going on?

You suck!

Don't accelerate like that!

Do you want to alert the whole neighborhood?

It's never supposed to happen like this!

I think you're bad luck.

You're doing it on purpose!

You pushed and pushed...

No! Don't put this on me!

Believe me, I didn't have to push him.

I take that as an insult.

It's your husband.

- Hello? - Hi, honey.

Guess who's over here?

Well...

Thomas. Thomas Milcaux.

Thomas, Thomas Milcaux, your friend.

I was thinking, since the picnic should be done,

and your friend's waiting for you,

I wanted to know what was up.

Get him out of the trunk!

Alexis is coming with the insurer! He thinks he's my lover!

You're really bad luck.

We just have to wait for it to pass.

To think poor Maurice is there

in the trunk of that car,

and he'll never be able to do anything again...

Hello, Grandma!

How'd you get stuck in that hole?

Ask Laurence.

We've been waiting an hour. She's freezing.

Look how pale she is.

Thomas!

I remember you!

He was always getting her in trouble.

Kids can be so mean to each other.

Remember

when he tied you to a tree to cut your hair?

The strapping young lad.

The axle's all right.

It's the wheel that's the trouble.

Cute.

I must open

the trunk to look for the spare.

Otherwise we'll have to take it in.

Grandma, do you have the keys?

Shit.

- I just got a little cold. - You all right?

Don't move.

Don't move.

- You need soup and rest. - Yeah.

There.

Hey, man! Come help my wife.

Do you need me?

I don't feel well. Can we talk about this later?

I found a new job. The pay's better.

I'm a headhunter for a Canadian multinational.

I leave in two weeks.

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

It was kind of thanks to you.

Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Yeah.

This car isn't going anywhere. The silencer's gone bang.

Where's Maurice?

He left. Please, get us out of here.

I can't drive.

We'll put the car at your place,

and then we'll come get it later, with the trunk.

With the trunk?

That's what I just said!

Obviously, with the trunk.

60 miles for a picnic,

just for lunch...

Too bad for your friend. We'll tell him to come by later.

Yeah, that's right.

He looks clever.

His sense of smell can't be the best!

She's real drunk, eh?

No...

You're not leaving me alone with him in the trunk.

Maurice is waiting for me!

Alexis, can I use your phone?

Of course.

What?

Alexis,

Grandma's going to stay for dinner and sleep over.

Of course.

Speaking of which, Grandma, how's Maurice?

He must be at his massage by now.

Massages are killer.

I'll still need the key to the trunk

to check whether there's a spare, just in case.

What's the point?

If you break down, you call a repairman.

A guy like you.

- Can you see me changing a tire? - No, but Maurice knows how.

What if you're stuck somewhere remote,

and you forgot your phone,

or there's no service,

or you don't have a phone? Then what?

We don't care about the spare!

You know I never shout,

but this can be our first fight.

As a repairman, listen to me:

It's not chance

that I have BMW rights!

You know that?

It's because I have professional ethics,

especially when it comes to Maurice and Grandma's car.

So tell me where the damn key is

that should be on this keyring.

Who took the fucking key?

Thank you.

I got a bit carried away.

He's really something.

What are you doing?

- What about the spare? - Later.

This will take five minutes.

I have to take it down. Careful.

Shit, the remote. I forgot

I tried to improve it.

As a result,

all the buttons make it go down.

All of a sudden, too!

Since you're here, you can help me.

What do I do?

Press the button on the hydraulic thing, there.

Red or black?

Red, obviously.

I think we've seen enough of you.

You're very kind, you helped us with the car,

but we're not inviting you to dinner.

She's right. I feel ill.

I'm pretty tired.

We can talk childhood memories tomorrow, OK?

Alexis is working.

Bye, then.

See ya, man!

You remind me of Derrick.

That empty stare he has.

Very funny, really.

- Press the red button! - OK.

What are you doing?

Press it!

Alexis?

Alexis?

That's lesson number four!

You took your sweet time, but well done.

It's a perfect number four.

How cruel! And the timing!

This is all your fault!

You crushed him!

Ditch them. I want you gone for ever.

You hear me? For ever!

Alexis... My God, how awful!

How are we going to get him out?

We'll figure something out.

One step at a time, OK?

First we handle Maurice.

We need a new trunk.

Then

we put Alexis with him.

All we have is the Clio, and the trunk is too small!

Then we'll sit Alexis up in the back seat

with a pair of sunglasses.

But Alexis is crushed to pieces.

We're in deep shit!

You're telling me!

Shut the door.

We don't want anyone coming in.

Gives you vertigo, huh?

- Are you sure it's deep enough? - Don't worry.

What is it?

Look, he's smiling. It's indecent to smile like that

when you're dead.

It's no time for emotion.

Say your goodbyes and be done with him.

Shit!

He hasn't lost any weight...

- It's hard, though. - Up to you.

- What are you doing here? - Can I come in?

I was tired of men treating me like crap,

so I thought if I married a nice person that I didn't love,

it would work out.

It was a nightmare.

I couldn't stand him, but I didn't kill him.

Why would I have killed him? I could have left him.

You heard him ask me to press the red button, right?

- You heard him? - Yes, yes.

I pressed it and the car fell.

I was so scared I ran off.

I'm just asking you to say you were there with us

in the shop, and

saw him press the remote,

and that the car fell on him.

Yes.

- Do you love me? - Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes...

And Maurice Donnay. He isn't here?

Poor Maurice, I completely forgot.

- He must have joined your exes? - Huh?

Your ex-husbands. Fonsac, Clavery, Salagnac, Defonte, Vargas, Berthelot.

There's no use stirring up the past.

- Monster! - Pervert!

Stop!

I gave you my word, but at a price.

It's her or me.

After the deposition, I never want to see you again.

He's not that clever.

You seem pensive.

What would you say to a nice trip to the islands

with Grandma?

I told him to have it repaired by a specialist,

but he was so stubborn...

Electricity wasn't his thing.

Oh, that's ugly.

His head's soup.

Martineau! Come on!

- Is she gone? - Yeah.

I think I'm in love again.

Oh yeah? With who?

With you.

- That was perfect, right? - Perfect.

- Want to go to sleep? - Yeah.

LAURENCE MILRAUX

Laurence?

Ren e!

The forecast is clear, Countess.

You can take the boat out.

Thank you.

Ren e!

Morning.

Weather's nice, huh?

And a nice breeze just came in.

What are we doing tonight?

Countess,

will I be seeing you tonight at baccarat with the lady?

You know, me and gambling...

But you bring me good luck.

Yesterday, thanks to you, I won again.

I'll increase your rate: 20 percent.

Are you serious?

And my niece?

Twenty for you and ten for her.

You're charming.

- It's agreed, then? - Yes.

I'm delighted.

He's huge.

Delighted to see you again.

Countess, I just got here.

I can't seem to abandon you. I took it as a sign.

You did this on purpose?

Stay! I have a friend to introduce.

I met him on the plane,

and I think he's just your type.

I hope so.

Excuse me. Let's go.

Hello.

May I have the honor of inviting you?

Mr. Suchard just bought this restaurant.

Suchard, like the chocolate?

That's right.

The chocolate is me.

Are you sure there's no shrimp?

Or shrimp sauce?

No, sir.

Thank you, Thomas. As soon as I met you,

I've felt like I've had a guardian angel by my side.

Mr. Suchard is highly allergic to shellfish.

A few years ago, I had an angioedema,

and the next will be fatal, unfortunately.

An angioedema?

You swell and swell...

- And blow up? - Sorry?

No, you just suffocate to death in ten minutes.

It's extremely dangerous.

But you seem so healthy.

It's incredible to imagine that one little shrimp

could bring you down.

You just have to know.

Indeed.

Adam Lozier Subtitling: Hiventy