Original subtitles

Sorry. Me. Rog.

Me. Kinga.

Uga.

Uta?

Thank you.

Ugh.

Dr.

Carter, control yourself.

Calm down. Tell me your problem.

I'm in love.

That's quite normal.

No, you don't understand.

I'm in love with an older woman.

That's also quite normal.

Anything goes these days. Believe me. No.

You still don't understand.

I'm in love with a woman that's 8 ,000 years old.

You do have a problem.

Yes, I have a problem.

It's just a little problem.

I touch her.

I kiss her bluish lips.

I take her temperature with this device of my own design.

I have to admit that I...

I get a certain amount of sexual satisfaction from it.

From taking her temperature?

Yes. I'm addicted, I tell you. I take it eight, ten, twelve times a day with my

dildometer.

Dildometer?

Yes.

It's the cross between a rectal thermometer and a dildo.

I insert it and...

Well, I won't bore you with the details.

Bore me, bore me.

I found Kinga. I came across her left breast in the Tyrolean Alps.

Kinga? Yeah, that's the ice woman's name.

You named her that, Doctor?

Well, it's not a real name.

It's not the name her parents gave her, 6 ,000 B .C.

I see.

No, I don't.

Look, I know this sounds crazy.

But in my former life... 6 ,000 B .C.? Yes.

I was a hunter named Rod.

And I came across the cave with Orton and Kinga. And they were making

love.

You found your long -loved love.

Congratulations.

No.

No.

Sherry's my girlfriend.

Disgusting. She's always wearing these slutty clothes.

Always exposing her vulva to me. Always wanting to have sex.

She's complicating things.

She's jealous.

Go on, go on.

Last night, she wanted me to have sex with her. And I wouldn't.

So she buried my penis in ice.

Poor man.

I haven't told you the most bizarre yet.

I know it's impossible.

I know she's dead.

But she's getting aroused.

What?

She's been dead for thousands of years.

Scientifically impossible.

But her pussy is pink.

And moist.

And she's experiencing clitoris erectus.

Lucky girl.

Lick my boot, worm.

Careful with that thing.

Does your nasty mistress make you hot?

Sherry? Sherry!

I command you to ball me, slave.

Sorry.

Come on, Alan. It's nice and hot and juicy down here and tight, too.

Sorry.

All right, this is your last chance. I want you to fuck me and fuck me now.

Come on, you're going to sleep on the couch tonight or I'll move out tomorrow.

That's the way you want it.

This monster has you pussy whipped and you won't even fight about it.

You could have the Subaru, too, if you want it.

No, no, no

There'll be no more, Miss Kinga.

Going back to the frosty pit.

What a girl won't do for a girl.

Dr. Werner?

Dr. Werner?

I know I'm early for our appointment, but... The Ice Woman.

So you do exist.

You're beautiful.

Mmm. Do you like that?

I know I would.

Ah!

Let go!

Nick, Joe, Claudio, Murano!

Say what?

Would you mind putting that thing back?

No, not there.

objectivity.

What have you got to say for yourself?

Hey, Doc!

Doc! Doc, she's over here!

Now, get down.

My God, she's magnificent.

As beautiful as you said, Doctor.

I think it's time for her temperature.

Stay cool.

Crystal, I want you to go out to the porch and check the fuse box.

Diane, I need you to help me. Right here.

Oh, shit, the freezer's off.

Her internal organs are still frozen, but her skin is thawing. Is that bad?

Somewhere here, call for the Iceman.

Bob, what are you doing here?

Diane. You'll give to anything to get a story.

Never mind that.

If we don't equalize her pressure, she's going to implode.

What can we do?

There's only one thing we can do.

We have to give her heat injections.

Bob, you take her oral cavity.

I'll take her vaginal canal.

Diane?

So much for professional objectivity.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Oh yeah.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Well, I guess Crystal found the fuse box.

Oh!

I guess you could use it as an ecstasy.

I just want him mad with a big cock.

I don't even care if he doesn't have a brain.

It's better if he doesn't have a brain.

Just a cock.

Someone who I can mold to my way for once.

Hurry, ladies.

Hurry. We have no time to lose.

Have you achieved penis erectus, Bob?

Good.

Good. Here we go.

Let's do it. Thanks, Diane.

You're so perfect. You're the man I've always dreamed of.

With this kiss?

Arise, my love.

Arise.

What is she doing?

I don't know. We better get the hell out of here. She's a monster. No, she's not

a monster.

Kinga. Kinga.

Do you recognize me, Kinga?

What is he doing?

What are you doing, Kinga?

Huh?

That's funny.

Kinga! You spoke English!

I can do a lot of things.

Let's take a trip.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Bye -bye.

you you

Oh.

Yeah.

I love you.

If you don't mind, I think I'm going to call my decorator. Just a few touches

here and there.

Surprise!

I wanted you all to be the first to know. We just got back from Vegas.

Oh, congratulations.

Let me be the first to kiss the lucky bride.

Alan,

be a dear.

It's the red button.

Say cheese.

Archaeologists from the university today unearthed seven ice people, four

females and three males from a cave in the Tyrolean Alps.

We now go live via intercept satellite to that site.

Carbon dating indicates these mummies date back 3 ,000 years to 1993, the time

of the great Tyrolean earthquake.

The positioning of the mummies indicates they were engaged in acts of physical

sex. long ago abandoned when the technology of virtual sex was achieved

computerized, orgasm machines came into vogue.

Historical researchers claim the human species used to derive great pleasure

from such primitive practices when male and female genitalia actually came into

physical contact.

Such sex practices, which spawned colorful yet now extinct language like

fuck,

and How About a Little Head Baby are now considered counterproductive and

politically incorrect.

More news at 11.

Thank God for long life batteries.

My name is Diane Stevens.

I am, or was, a past life therapist.

That's a joke here in this place.

Beyond time and space.

But if there is anyone out there listening, I think you should know that

Diane Stevens,

have made an incredible scientific discovery.

The only thing that lasts in this universe is love.

Why, I even know one love that lasted 8 ,000 years.