Original subtitles

Thank you both very much, and congratulations.

I know you two will be very happy together.

Looking for anything in particular?

No, actually, I'm looking for a black guy, about 6'1".

For that, I suggest you try 125th street.

Wise guy, huh?

But if you want to buy a wedding ring,

you've come to the right place.

We'll give you the ring if you give us the finger.

Thanks, but I'm not looking for a wedding ring.

Are you sure?

Because I see you're not wearing one.

Well, that's because I'm not married.

Then let me show you some engagement rings.

Hey, bud. Sorry I'm late. I had to stop by Bloomingdale's.

Rema and I forgot to register for a candle snuffer.

No home is complete without one.

Can we go to a different store?

Why? Larry King said it was the best place in town.

He buys all his wedding rings here.

Show me the most expensive wedding bands you have.

My honey deserves the best.

You can never spend too much on a ring,

especially since I work on commission.

Oh, you're a riot.

So, Bud, when are you going to buy one of these?

That's what I wanted to know.

I haven't even thought about it.

Yeah, right.

Seriously, Judith and I are perfectly happy with the status quo,

- and I have no intention of-- - Messing things up.

- Changing things. - If I may.

From my experience, when a guy says, I'm happy with the status quo,

that means I'm waiting till something better comes along.

But when a guy buys an engagement ring

that says, I love you forever, hmm?

Am I right?

He's right, bud. So what's the problem? Is it the money?

No, no, it is not the money. No thanks for your concern.

Both of you, but I've never been happier.

You rang, your majesty?

Toby, I'm going to be out of the office next Friday for Eddie's wedding.

I'm gonna need you to finish up the Chenfeld galleys.

I can't. I'm gonna be out sick next week.

Oh, really? With what?

I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Fine. Fine, fine. Do whatever you want.

I'll finish them myself.

If you must know, I gotta pack.

I'm moving in with Irwin Bader next Saturday. Can you imagine?

Congratulations. That's a big step.

My priest says I'm going to be living in sin,

but I figure since I'm four months pregnant and not married,

that's the least of my problems, Jesus wise.

Yes, well, good for you.

Since we're sharing, what's up with you and the ex-wife?

I haven't been overhearing much lately.

Are you going to make an honest woman out of her?

Shut up. Shut up.

Actually, I'm very happy right now with the status quo.

Status quo? Is that your word or hers?

Mine. Why?

Well, I've been reading this book called Relationship Double Talk.

According to the book, when a man says status quo, that's natural.

Men are afraid of change. But when a woman says it--

Could you stop that please?

Look, could you just make it last till the 10th?

That's the date I bet on in the office pool.

What a screwy dame.

You know, I think everybody in the city has asked me what's going on with us today.

You too? Donco, the doorman grilled me for half an hour this morning.

You know... What do you say?

You know, when people ask about us?

We're going to be married.

Well, I just tell them that everything's going great

and that for now we're very happy with the status quo.

- Don't say that. - Status quo.

- Status quo as in-- - Standing still?

- No, not standing still. Just not. - Moving forward.

Not rushing forward.

Why? What do you say?

The same thing. Status quo. Laissez Faire. One day at a time.

I mean, you name the language, I've said it in it.

Good. I'm glad we're on the same page.

I need an engagement ring.

ASAP. I mean, like, right now.

I'll get you the rock. And let's roll.

Whoa! What's the deal?

I thought you were happy with your status quo.

Well, I thought about it and I decided it was time for me to--

Open the door!

...move things along, because if I wait too much longer, Judith will...

- Marry someone else. - Be in her 40s,

and it's not fair to me to just string her along.

Here you go. I call this the closer.

That's pretty big. How much is it?

You don't care about that, because when you pop the question,

you want to guarantee a yes.

And nothing says don't dump me like this baby.

Go on, put it to your ear. Go on.

Don't dump me. Don't dump me.

Do you have anything a little louder-- uh, bigger?

In my opinion, Rema, I would definitely go with those.

The eggshell is so much cleaner than the ivory.

Actually, I'm wearing one of each now.

- Really? - Yeah.

Well. What the hell do I know?

Anyway, what were you saying about Martin?

Well, the great thing is at this time he's not trying to force things.

He's just so much more relaxed.

Okay, look, here's my plan.

I make a video of my proposal, right?

Then I get the airline to play it on the flight back from your wedding.

Oh, and then the stewardess brings out champagne for the entire plane.

So basically, you're putting her on the spot.

So there's no way she can say no.

- Bingo. - No, not at all.

It's just a very open expression of my love.

Besides, she is not going to say no.

I don't know what I'd say.

It's irrelevant because he's not going to propose to me anyway.

We both ruled that out for now.

There are so many things I want to say to you.

First of all, Maybe I should take the lens cap off the camera.

Cut.

And these last six months have been what--

Damn it.

Ah! Ah!

All right, cut.

What I'm trying to say is I love you very much.

Jude? Jude. Why are you home? It's only 10:30.

How did that happen?

Well, the little hand moved to the ten and the big hand moved to the six.

What are you doing?

Brushing my teeth there.

I just wanted to see how my tux fit.

Oh. Did you consider using a mirror?

I wanted to see how it fit in back.

It's very handsome. And what's the champagne for?

Champagne?

Oh! I'm practicing my toast.

Oh. Can I hear it?

Well, it is--

No, no. Just let me hear what you have so far.

To a new world of gods and monsters.

To Glen and Helen who serve the best food in town.

To life. To life. L'chaim.

- It's a little derivative. - Good point.

See, that's why I'm practicing.

Anyway. It's only pretty-- Why don't you go out with Rema?

- Because I already did. - Well, I know, but--

I want to finish my opera.

She's getting married in three days.

Maybe you should take her to some strip clubs.

Oh, well, as appealing as that sounds, I think I'll just...

Something burning?

Pickup. Tuxedo. Did that. Stop by Martin's office?

Did that. Give Martin nugs.

Nugs.

I think that says rings.

Rings, right. Did that.

I don't want to see those or think about them till Saturday.

Don't forget to bring your racket.

I have reserved a court for Saturday morning.

Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.

I can't leave until Saturday morning.

What?

How can you leave Saturday? The wedding is Saturday.

- Yeah, I know, but-- - I want to finish my opera.

I have to have some fluid drained from my lungs

and I have to wait 48 hours before I fly.

Otherwise my chest could just explode.

This is about your proposal, isn't it?

No, it's a viral thing. But I'll be fine.

Actually, works out best for everybody.

This way. My lungs don't explode and we won't be in your way all weekend.

This is a bad plan.

I can't help it. I promised my father I'd take him out for his birthday tomorrow.

His birthday is in December.

Right. I put it off for five months. I can't cancel him again.

For God's sakes, Judith, I'm all he has in the world.

You're cutting it too close.

Why? It's not like we're traveling by oxen, you know. It's a two hour flight.

We take off at 8:00, we get there at 10:00. The wedding starts at 2:00.

Yeah, well, I just don't feel like rushing, I have to do my hair, my makeup.

You don't need makeup or hair.

Come on. You're a natural beauty without them, you know?

Come on. Just trust me. Everything's going to work out great.

Well, there we go. We're taking off. Right on time.

In 7 hours, Eddie will be married.

In 36 hours, you and I will be...

- engaged to be married. - Back in New York.

Isn't technology wonderful?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain.

We're having some technical difficulty with the fuel gauge.

We'll have it fixed in a flash,

so just sit back and enjoy the Runway.

We're sorry for the delay.

It seems we have to replace the fuel gauge.

We're waiting for the part and we should be taking off within the hour.

Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we don't have the part here,

so we're going to need to fly it in from Denver.

Should be arriving on the next flight in, which is scheduled to land at 3:55.

This doesn't look so good to me.

Well, I hope you're happy.

No, we are not missing this wedding.

Oh, really? Did you happen to pack a time machine in your carry-on bag?

Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll take care of everything.

Excuse me. Could I have two aspirins and a Manhattan, please?

Wait a minute. Make that one aspirin and two Manhattans.

We can fly without a fuel gauge.

We have enough gas to get to Cincinnati.

FAA regulations prohibit us from taking off

with a malfunctioning part for obvious safety reasons.

Okay, then I want to get off of the plane.

There are plenty of other airlines.

I'm sorry, but once we've left the gate FAA regulations prohibit anyone

from getting on or off the aircraft for obvious security reasons.

Otherwise, you could plant a bomb on board and then escape to safety.

Do I look like I planted a bomb?

Sorry, but that's for the FAA to decide, not me.

Nana, could you get the phone?

- Hello? - Hi, is Eddie there? It's Martin.

- Martin's not here. - No, this is Martin.

Martin, get your skinny butt on over here because Eddie's looking for you.

Could you just put Eddie on the phone, please?

He's putting his pants on. He'll call you right back.

I'm sorry, but FAA regulations prohibit the use of cellular phones

on all aircraft prior to takeoff.

First of all, we're not even close to taking off.

This is not an aircraft. It's just a very narrow waiting room.

Hey, look, just tell Eddie.

Hello? Hello?

Was that Martin? What'd he say?

I don't understand them white folks talking all that nonsense.

I don't know what the hell he said.

You know, I'll get you your cellular phone back as soon as we land.

I mean, it's no problem.

Well, couldn't you try a little harder?

Since we're going to Cincinnati, let's make a romantic weekend out of it, okay?

That way we'll be in a better mood for...

- My proposal - ...Monday.

I don't want to stay in Cincinnati.

We have no reason to be in Cincinnati tomorrow.

Come on. Come on. We can go to a Reds game.

I've never been to Riverfront Stadium.

And they say it's there on the river.

Martin, I just want to go home and forget this whole day.

Well, how about Hawaii? You love Hawaii.

Think about it.

Sweetheart. I'm sure Martin has some reasonable explanation.

Yeah, he's an idiot.

Baby, now, come on, you cannot let him spoil our day.

Just ask your father to stand up for you.

There's only one problem. The idiot has the wedding rings.

Oh-- oh-- oh-- Okay.

Well, then we'll just have to get married without...

...without wedding rings.

He's an idiot.

Shh! It'll be fine. We'll just improvise.

Edward, would you place your ring on Rema's finger, please?

Rema, would you place your ring on Edward's finger?

I'm okay. I'm fine.

You're bleeding. I made you bleed.

It's okay.

Oh, no.

I'm gonna kill him.

Dream On will be right back.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain.

We've got ideal flying weather and a wind at our back,

so we should arrive in New York's LaGuardia airport at 10:03 PM.

Enjoy the Big Apple, and watch your wallets.

This was not my fault.

There is no way you can plan for an eight hour delay.

Otherwise, you'd have to leave for work the night before.

There is nothing you can say or do convince me

that this is not the most irresponsible thing that you have ever done.

- There's only one thing to do. - Well do it.

Hi.

I'm sorry if we got off on the wrong foot.

That is a lovely outfit.

On a lot of people, that would look like a uniform,

but on you, I mean, it's an ensemble.

Thank you.

There's probably some kind of an FAA regulation against what I'm about to ask you.

It never hurts to ask.

I need you to play this videotape on your inflight system.

I'm sorry, but that's against FAA regulations.

But we will be showing a short subject about bass fishing

that you should find most enjoyable.

I'm trying to propose to my ex-wife.

And the proposal is on this video. It was all set up for tomorrow.

Sir, if I did that, I could be fired and possibly face federal charges.

Here's $100 bucks.

I'll start it after the Bass fishing video.

And thank you for flying Global Atlantic Air.

The wedding bells are ringing.

Excuse me. Do you think we could switch seats, please?

What a jerk.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Trying to decide if this is the worst day of my life.

No, there's been much worse.

There was our divorce and when Richard died.

My point being, I think things are going to get a lot better. Really.

Hey, I've got a great idea. Why don't you watch the video?

I don't want to watch the video.

But... I really think you should, because--

It's an irresistible speech.

If you heard it, you'd fall right into my arms.

It could save your life in the event of a water landing.

I'll take my chances.

You know, I think I've been using the wrong tactics.

Stop it. Stop it. What's the matter with you?

Where are you going?

- Get some air. - Where, on the wing?

Look, I'll just turn this on.

Ooh, look. It's like a typhoon in here.

Sir, I don't doubt that you read it somewhere,

but we don't have any peanuts that promote weight loss.

Peanuts? There's a big bag right back there. Yes.

There you go. You've got to stop that video.

I'm sorry, but according to FAA regulations--

- Okay, here's another 20. - Thank you.

Come on, come on, come on.

- Don't go. - I still can't stop the tape.

Other people are watching.

You are not the only passenger on this plane, you know.

Oy vey!

Hey, give me my plane!

You... I thought I heard your voice.

Oh, I was afraid of this.

Congratulations.

You have no idea how pissed off I am at you.

I know, but you are not 1/10th as upset as I am,

because I'm the one who missed out, Eddie.

You got to experience the happiest day of your life. And I didn't

Look, I'm right in the middle of proposing.

If she says yes, you can be my best man.

Then you can miss my wedding. You'll see how it feels.

Here. Never, never, never trust me with anything important.

Sir? These are the only beverages we have.

If you want a Slim Fast, you'll have to wait until we get to New York.

Excuse me, sir. What are you--

I'm looking for a tall, thin, brunette, with very, very long legs.

Who isn't, huh?

Hey, that's you. You're that wild and crazy guy

with the tape Heidi was telling me about. You're wild.

And crazy. Look, here's a picture of her.

It's very, very important that I find her.

Oh, the widow Stone.

You're proposing to the widow Stone?

Yeah, that takes a lot of cajones trying to fill Richard Stone's boxer shorts.

- I mean-- - Have you seen her?

She went to the bathroom right there.

Thank you.

Jude. Jude, it's me.

Jude.

Jude. Jude, if you love me, even if you just like me, you know, just a little...

Please. Please... look at your screen.

Please.

That's you. What movie is this?

If you'd had your headset on you know I'm asking you to marry me.

So...

Please! Please?

So. Will you marry me, Jude? Again?

I've got a ring and everything.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Open it.

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Eddie's got it. Look, it's a long, long story.

I don't want to pressure you, but if you could just give me an answer,

you know, preferably a yes, I'd really, really appreciate it.