All language subtitles for Beavis and Butt Head s11e12 Oldholio

This line sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

But the doctor says I need medicine for
my arthritis and the cholesterol, and

now he says I have diabetes for some
reason.

Doctors don't know everything.

No, sir.

Remember when every time you ate a lot
of sugar, you'd go crazy?

Did I?

I don't remember.

Yeah. You'd, like, run around and pull
your shirt over your head.

My shirt over my head?

No. No, it doesn't ring a bell.

Yeah. And then you'd, like, scream stuff
about your bunghole.

My bunghole?

No. Are you sure you're not thinking of
Stuart?

You know, the blonde kid?

Yeah,

maybe it was Stuart.

She's a wuss.

Well,

whoever it was, that was a long time
ago.

Those days are over.

Next.

My name's Beavis.

Can I have your prescription?

No. All I have is this piece of paper
from the doctor.

This is from the unemployment office.

Well, that's what I got.

Wait, are you going to give me a job?

No. Oh, good.

That was close.

I can look you up in the computer, Mr.
Beavis.

Looks like you have prescriptions for
diabetes, arthritis.

High cholesterol and prostatitis.

What's that one?

Do you wake up in the middle of the
night a lot to urinate?

No. Most nights only like 15 or 20
times.

Let me get these for you.

You're going to need a prior
authorization.

Well, how do I get one?

You'll have to call your insurance
company, sir.

You've got to do everything yourself in
this place.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, you do.

Never come in here again.

Oh, okay.

So, um, do I have to get my medicine
myself then?

Eh, I guess so.

I think it's like self -serve.

Okay then.

Let's see.

Where to begin?

I'm going to try one of these.

Huh, pretty good. How about some of
these?

Well, a couple of these.

I feel young again.

Come on.

More! More!

More!

I

am

Cornholio. I need tippy for my bunghole.

Is this one of those videos where they
show everyone who died during the year?

Uh, oh yeah. I think it is.

It's like one of those in -memor -bub
-memoritorium.

So all these people died this year, huh?

I thought that guy died years ago. Wow.

He might as well have.

He kind of looks like that room mom, you
know, in kindergarten that used to

give, like, juice boxes to everybody.

He drives a Subaru.

How come there's all this fire around
him?

I think that means that all these people
went to hell.

Well,

good for them.

You know, I've heard good things about
hell, you know.

Yeah.

I've heard they have fornication.

And fire, too.

Fornication and fire.

Yeah, it's like a Benihana's down there.

You know, but I'm always afraid I'll see
one of these, and then I'll see myself.

And that's how I'll find out.

And I'll be like, wait a second.

I must have died this year.

Don't worry, Beavis. You'll never be in
one of these.

No one will notice when you've died.

Shut up about it.

You could be dead right now, and I would
not know or care.

Shut up about it.

You're freaking me out. Come on.

I'd just step right over you.

Shut up about it.

You'll be in the section of the show
called Good Riddance.

And now, a look at the people we lost
this year, who sucked.

Sir,

you can't be vacuumed.

Are you threatening me?

No, but this area is for pharmacy staff
only. I need pharmacy for my bunghole.

And my prostatitis.

You will give me all your diabetes.

Would you like to see my cholesterol?

My cholesterol is in my bunghole.

Yes, we have an older gentleman here who
took a lot of geriatric medication.

My bunghole demands arthritis.

You will give me all your arthritis now.

You'd better send the police right away.

I have no copay for my bunghole.

You must give me your copay.

Side effects may include my bunghole.

My bunghole is old.

I am old Julio.

I must take a load off my bunghole.

My bunghole shall nap.

It shall rust now.

For it is weary.

Bunghole. Coronholio.

Bunghole.

Prior authorization for my bunghole!

I demand pharmaceuticals for my
bunghole! Do you have a

copay?

I demand to see your copay.

Get out the scooter. You're under
arrest.

I have a prescription in my bunghole.

This is your last warning.

Are you threatening me?

Yes, I am. You will not threaten the
almighty old holder.

You will not threaten my bunghole.

No.

It is my bunghole!

He just took 50 ,000 bolts like it was
nothing.

He took so many pills, he must be
completely impervious to pain.

The way those drugs are interacting, he
could be capable of anything.

You must bow down to the flames of my
bunghole!

My bunghole -io is an inferno!

The suspect is wanted for felony theft
of prescription drugs, reckless driving,

and first -degree arson. And one time I
caught him spanking his monkey to a

cartoon about a train.

Get him.

Something's coming.

Old Julio, I have no bunghole.

What could possibly cause a man to do
this?

Well, I think it's because he never
scored.

I demand TB.

You must give me all your TB.

For my bunghole.

What's he saying?

You will not disrespect my prostatitis.

For I have prostatitis in my bunghole.

Prostatitis? Doctor said I got that too.

I must have prescriptions for my
bunghole.

Do you need prescriptions for your
bunghole?

Yes, I do.

Me too, Chief.

Me too.

Let him go.

I'll pay for the medicine he stole.

But, Chief... If it weren't for the
grace of God, that could be me out

That could be me.

You can take my bunghole with or without
food.

My bunghole isn't wiggle.

He's going straight to hell anyways.

Ask your doctor if your bunghole is
right for you.

That is humorous, yes.

Very humorous, yes. Quite jocular, yes.
Droll, very droll, yes.

Whimsical, yes, yes. Quite absurd, yes.
Quite whimsical, yes. Priceless wit of a

satirical bit, yes.

Behold... Oh, dim -witted humans, I am
Smart Butthead. And I am the one they

just call Smart Beavis. In the past, we
have come to you to chronicle the

mysterious events of a distant universe
where Beavis and Butthead are not

teenagers, but in middle age.

At the height of their powers.

But today, we bring you a different
tale. A tale about ourselves.

The legend of how we came to be known
across the cosmos as... The Discoverers.

Our legend begins the day we were called
before the Supreme Leader.

Smart Beavis and Smart Butthead, we have
for you an important mission. The Smart

Council has decided to invade Earth One,
the planet they call Normal Earth.

The humans who live there are too stupid
to have their own planet.

And so they must be terminated.

Okay. Your mission is to go to Earth -1
and place a navigational beacon to show

our space fleet precisely where to
attack.

Ah, yes.

You chose us because of our deep
understanding of normal Earth.

And wisdom in the art of war.

No! We chose you because you will
probably die!

You were the most expendable people we
could think of. And we are extremely

at thinking.

Quite right, smart Todd.

Now go. May science...

Be with you.

Very well. We shall go to normal Earth.

And we shall be its doom.

Indeed. Doom.

Yes, yes, quite jocular. Chuckle him,
yes, yes. Amusing, jocosity.

Yes, yes, waggish and particle as well,
yes.

Interesting, quite interesting, yes.

Yes, yes, very interesting.

Thank you, bitch.

People less sophisticated than ourselves
might assume that this is a man

stumbling around intoxicated in his yard
and should be handed over to the

authorities. Yes, but we know better.

These are sophisticated dance moves with
great meaning.

Yes, it will take our scientist many
centuries to interpret what he is saying

through the language of dance.

Yes, yes. The probability of him
urinating in his own pants is zero.

Did you catch that, smart butthead?

He is expressing his earthly desire for
fornication in a carton of smokes.

Ah, yes, yes, indeed.

Oh, look at this.

He is paying tribute to the god of
fertility.

Yes, yes, by placing his hand near his
earth penis. I believe this is how they

pledge allegiance.

Yes, yes.

The earth penis is a much less
intelligent organ than our faith penis.

Yes, yes.

Primitive 16 -bit earth penis, yes, yes.

I do not understand what he appears to
be doing now.

What is the meaning of this, smart
butthead? He is performing the ancient

necessary before immersion in the basin
of purification.

Ah, yes, indeed, yes, I believe you are
correct, smart butthead, yes.

Humans must reach the exalted state they
call crunk before immersion into the

pool of infinity.

Yes, yes, that pool, like the wisdom of
Post Malone, is infinite.

Second verse, second verse, yeah, second
verse.

This is very good, smart butthead. Yes,
yes, very good.

I do not understand why it was not
nominated for the Space Oscars.

Ah, yes, yes. It is a travesty.

Post Malone has become quite wealthy
doing this. Yes, yes. It is no wonder

the Earthlings have made him their king.

What do those words on his face mean?

They mean one thing, smart Beavis.

Kidnap me and probe my anus. Yes, yes.

Perhaps we should lure him into our
spacecraft with a 40 -ouncer and a pack

cigarettes. And take him to our home
planet for study.

Yes, yes.

40 ounces is the optimal volume for malt
liquor.

32 ounces does not get you messed up
sufficiently.

And 52 ounces is too heavy to hold.

Yes, yes.

Do you think he would mind being probed?
I do not think he would mind or notice.

Yes, yes.

Look upon these foolish humans, unaware
their destruction is nigh.

Let us place the beacon here, in this
temple of Comoros.

How primitive!

Yes, the convenience stores on our world
are far more advanced.

Yes, yes, very primitive, yes.

It appears to be an obsolete form of
nachos. Yes, quite archaic, yes.

Where is the space cheese?

Then look at this.

Primitive analog pornography.

Fascinating. We must take it for our
research.

Now let us place the beacon to guide our
space fleet to its prey.

But where shall we place it, Smart
Beavis?

These days you gotta take out a mortgage
just to buy some cold ones, I tell you

what.

Let us put the beacon in this chamber.

It should suffice. Yes, yes, a
felicitous location, yes.

Well, hold on there, boys. You can't
just take those magazines and go whack

in the bathroom.

I do not understand.

What do these words mean, whack off?

You know, choking the chicken, beating
your meat,

spanking your monkey.

Son, I'm talking about masturbating. We
have never heard of it. What is

masturbating?

You really don't know?

Oh, boy.

Well, all right. I guess I'll explain it
to you then.

You see, sometimes a man... And that's
pretty much the long

and short of it.

Fascinating. Your own schlong?

Quite fascinating, indeed.

We must try this immediately for
research.

Indeed. We shall return immediately
afterwards and place the beacon.

The research was a success.

Indeed. The old man's analysis of
spanking your monkey was correct.

Quite accurate, yes. Let us go now and
place the beacon.

First, we should conduct the research
one more time.

Very well.

Research complete.

Let us place the beacon.

Or, we conduct the research one more
time.

Yes. Yes, I agree, one more time, yes.
We must be thorough, yes.

My slong hurts.

As does mine.

It is finally time to cease our research
and plant the beacon.

Agreed. But first, one more time.

Set course for the navigation beacon.

I'm not detecting it, sir.

That's not possible.

We sent a team to plant it a week ago.

It was never turned on, sir. We have
zero navigational data. No matter.

I became smart admiral because I am
expert in navigating with that.

Smart Beavis and Smart Butthead, you
failed to place the beacon. As a result,

our invasion fleet crashed into the
moon, destroying over 40 ships and

Admiral Smart Van Driessen in the space
emergency room.

You have disappointed us for the last
time, okay?

Do you have anything to say before we
pass sentence?

In our defense, Supreme Leaders, we have
discovered something.

Indeed we did.

Something unknown to our planet called
spanking your monkey. I will beam you

it works Very well, we will consider
this

spanking your monkey in return with our
birth

We will now vote on your sentence.

Death. Give them a billion dollars.

Throw them a parade.

Give them two billion dollars.

Rename the planet in their honor.

Sing songs of their triumph at every
public gathering.

Let us consider the evidence one more
time. Yes.

Agree.

You've got to be kidding me.

wish more people had come to our parade.

They're all at home, spanking their
monkeys.

Thanks to what we learned from that old
man, Earth -327Z would never be the same

again.

And that is why we are known as The
Discoverer.