Original subtitles

Hi, Grandpa.

Today, I want to do something really special for both my grandpas.

I thought a family fun day would be perfect.

I love them, but they are constantly fighting for my love and attention.

Not that I'm mad about that.

I kind of like all the attention I get from them.

But lately, I've noticed them looking at me differently.

I can't blame them.

I know they're both pretty lonely since neither of my grandmas are around

anymore.

Today, I want them both to know I love them equally, and I'll do whatever it

takes for them to realize that.

planning a little family fun day. You know, you, me, that my dick.

Maybe some friends?

I'm quite split there, Alex.

Do you need any help?

And have you ruined the surprise?

I don't think so.

Hey.

Ah, dick.

What are you two scheming over here?

I'm thinking making a little family fun day party for us.

Oh.

Okay, well.

community ideas.

I've got some great ones.

I mean, I am the fun grandpa.

Unlike Grandpa Jack over there.

He's getting a little up there.

Well, if you think you can help, do you want to look over the guest list with

me? I was thinking maybe we would just keep it kind of small.

Friends and family only.

Be more personal.

Are you kidding me?

Come on.

It's a party, right?

Go big, okay? You gotta go big.

Make it a night to remember.

Okay, well, both of these are good ideas. I'll consider them both, but for

I need some quiet business planning.

Tell you what, why don't we go to coffee?

My favorite?

Coffee?

Really? Come on. You know what? Let's get you a snack.

Okay? Let's get you a snack.

Okay? Okay.

Why don't I get my own coffee and you guys just sit tight and we'll see you

later.

Well, my granddaughter turned out to be quite the young woman, isn't she?

You know what I'm talking about.

I mean, I'm one really big fella.

Your son has told her that she's adopted.

Not that I know of his daughter.

Look, if your son has not told her by now that she's adopted, I'm sure that

my daughter has.

God, why are you asking me this? Come on.

Jack, come on. The way you look at her.

Don't tell me you have a daughter.

wrapped around her face like a fucking compact machine.

What? No!

I mean,

I have thought about faking a stroke just to see if they'll pull my dick

take a piss. Yeah, exactly. See? I mean, not like, you know, years ago, but now

it's a little different. You know, she's all grown up now.

Mm -hmm.

I'm sensing a little competition here.

Well, look.

Now, do you?

It's just like, I'm just going to outclass you.

Okay?

So, yeah, this has a little bit of competition. That's what I'm putting out

there. All right. So what?

First one to get her to go to first base means buffet Sunday at the church.

Okay. Early bird special? Yeah, maybe Sunday's best.

We'll see you there. Why don't you go see what she's doing?

It's the easiest, freest thing I've ever made.

Here's some more stuff for you. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, can I give you a hand with anything?

Sure, will you help me with these pillows? Oh, thank God.

Oh, no.

Let's get this one right. That one goes back there, sweetheart. Way back there.

Oh, way back.

I think it's right there. It's good. Yeah.

Well, come here. We're not actually sick. Grab a seat. Grab a seat.

Oh, you're working so hard.

I think we're going to have fun, though. Yeah, you know. You're exhausted.

You're tired.

You want to... Let me rub those feet of yours again.

Oh.

You know?

Oh, that feels nice. Thank you. Yeah, you like that? I like Grandpa.

I'll help you out here.

You're so good to me. You work so hard, darling.

I think it's going to be a good party.

Yeah, I think it's straightened up to look pretty decent so far.

Yeah, I think we're going to have a good time.

How does that feel?

It feels really nice.

Does it feel nice?

Yeah.

Oh, what's going on here?

Oh. Hi, President.

Dick, well, what do you think?

Elegant? Sophisticated?

We're ready for a party, aren't we?

Horseshit.

Don't you let our girl do her thing, okay?

You old fucking vulture.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Oh, that's so nice.

You haven't been the same since your stroke last summer. You know, I'm

you remember I had a stroke last summer. What, is that another dementia joke?

Oh, my God, enough!

Yeah, well, you know what? I'll tell you. How's your knees doing? Are you

to walk up all the way up to the top of the stairs in the big boy plane? Fine,

I'm going to my operation. Okay, enough, enough.

together sometime oh yeah come on why don't you just both oh help me we can we

can work together oh god that's so good oh anything you say whatever you

want thank you anything oh that's so good okay i'm gonna go grab the lemonade

and uh yeah okay yeah yeah you guys just work together help me out here

The hell was that?

What? Are you just going to come barging in every time I'm trying to get

somewhere? Uh, yeah.

I mean, if that's the way it's going to be. That is the way it's going to be.

That's cheating.

That's not cheating. That's good sportsmanship.

That's not good sportsmanship in the least.

Well, you know what? My name is Dick.

Okay, so get used to it.

you

Want to ask me what

Hi, Grandpa. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Sorry I'm running late, but I'll be out in a second. Do you want to come in?

Absolutely. You good?

Yeah. Okay.

Hey, look.

Why don't we sit down? Okay.

So, I just wanted to kind of bring something up that's been on my mind.

Yeah?

So, you notice that, like, you know, your Grandpa Jack's been...

Kind of being a little different lately.

I mean, have you noticed that? I mean, it seems like he's kind of hovering

around you, kind of getting a little weird.

I mean, when you were little, I mean, we bounced you on our knees and

everything. But, I mean, come on. He's, like, giving you a foot rub now?

I have kind of noticed that he's been looking at me a little bit differently.

When I walk by, he kind of does this, like, cross -hunch thing.

I don't know if he has, like, a stomach ache going on.

Well, I mean, honestly, it's like you and I, like, we have a little bit of a

different relationship. I mean, ever since the car accident.

Yeah, I mean, your dentures fell in my mouth. Well, I mean, you've saved my

life. You gave me CPR.

You gave me mouth -to -mouth. I mean, it was kind of weird that, like, you know,

I woke up coming back from the light.

there's your lips on my mouth. It was a little weird.

Yeah. By the way, you should probably clean your dentures a little bit more. I

sometimes forget to take them out at night. I'm sorry.

You weren't expecting to die. But I mean, you know, it's, you know, we have

a little, I just wanted to make sure that like, you know, Grandpa Jack isn't

getting a little too, making you feel a little, you know.

Uncomfortable. It's getting a little Freudian.

What the hell is going on in here?

I can see what you're doing. You're trying to turn me against one. What are

talking about?

It's just Claire's day. I was walking down the hallway. What are you talking

about? Oh, come on, Jack. Where are you talking? Get the hell out of here. You

accuse me of all kinds of things. I'm not accusing you of nothing that you're

not doing.

You're trying to fill all this head up with all kinds of crazy ideas like I'm

trying to be inappropriate.

Oh, come on.

You are being inappropriate.

You're over here. One of my fingers were here.

What the hell? What do I have to do to get you guys to get along?

Come on. You're like animal.

Moana.

I suppose there's something we ought to tell you.

Okay. What?

Sure. Yeah. I mean.

What?

Dick and I kind of had a little friendly wager, a little bet.

You both have gambling addictions. We don't need to be doing this. What was it

about? No, no, no, no. It has nothing to do with the 401k that I lost, okay? It

has nothing to do with that. You gambled away.

Yeah.

Okay,

what was it about?

Damn Native Americans.

But anyway.

What was it about?

Well, kind of.

You know what? Why don't you sit down?

want to sit down. I want to know what the hell you guys made a bet about.

Kate. Sit.

Alright,

spit it out.

Dick and I had a little wager, a little friendly bet amongst each other. You

know, it's been quite a while since we've been in the company of a woman.

We've been a little lonely.

So we made a bet that... A couple years for me.

We were fighting for your attention, essentially.

Seeing which one of us could... I don't know how to put this. Oh, my God, you

guys had a bet on fucking me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We just made a

that we would, you know, make this a first base. I mean, you can't do this.

It's in its age, honey, and, you know, it's been so long. You know, like, like,

your grandmother's been gone from, like, I've been so alone for such a long

time. It's a stupid bunch of couple of old perverts, you know?

Harmless sweetheart? Sorry.

Oh, you pieces of shit.

Oh, I... Okay, no, okay. You know what? Fine.

What?

We have 45 minutes until the guests come, and I really need to fucking come.

What? So, I'm going to give you guys a little Grandpa's Day present, and you

guys and me can come. And we're going to fuck, okay?

Come on.

Okay.

Come on, Dick. Come on. Come here.

But I got to say, I got better dentures now.

Oh, God.

I suppose I haven't been cheating either.

Well, I mean, I am a widower.

Come on. I need to come now.

Well, you know what? I've already had those lips. I want those lips. Mm -hmm.

Why don't you let me get your weight, baby?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my

God.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, fuck.

There you go.

That's it.

One, two, three.

One, two. You got it.

Come on. You can keep sucking this.

This is so better than Grandma's gummy blowjobs.

Fuck, this is so good.

Oh, yes.

Fuck,

yes. Yes, yes.

Fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wait.

Oh, there you go.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

jeez. Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's a fucking good.

Oh, my

God.

Oh, my God.

He's fucking perfect.

Have a heart attack, right? No, no, no, no, no. Just making sure I'm in the

will. You got the golf cart?

Oh, yeah, no, don't worry.

You're in the will.

Oh,

God.

Smack.

Yeah? There you go.

Good. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again.

Yeah? That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

How bad do you want to be in the world, huh? How bad do you want me to be in my

world? I want that stupid fucking golf cart. Yeah, you do. Yeah.

You want my house in the keys, too, huh? Yeah, I do. Yeah?

I'm going to turn around here.

I'm going to get some of that pussy in my mouth. I might actually do it to you.

Mm -hmm.

I forget how experienced you guys are.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You tell me when.

Right now?

Yeah.

Grandpa, I'm coming.

Grandpa, I'm fucking coming.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my

God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Wow, you can't see for shit.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, my God, yes.

Did my tights remind you of those hookers from the 70s?

Kind of what I was going for. It reminds me of war.

I don't know who you went to the war with.

You fucking found it.

Switch.

Come.

Come here.

Oh, your balls are huge. I'm going to have to go to your doctor.

You two will get these checks.

Oh, my

God.

Are you going to come with Grandpa Jack, or are you just going to come with

Grandpa Jack?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, we're going to go.

Yeah.

Squat.

Break a hip, honey.

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh shit.

Get in there for yourself, because I want her for a minute.

Whatever you do, do not tell my dog.

But you can tell my son -in -law.

Switch. No,

I want you both right here.

Right now.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Eat that thing like it owes you money, honey.

Maybe we're going to call everybody and fucking just fucking cancel this fucking

call. Yeah, I'll have to fucking call you.

Put your fucking knees back up. I'm talking from behind now. Yeah. Yeah,

it.

That's it.

Back that ass up. Yeah.

Back that ass up right to me.

Right to me, right to me.

Yeah, there we go.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh, fuck. Oh,

fuck. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Sparks.

You fucking tighten up on me.

Oh, my God, you little fucking slut. Oh, I knew you were this fucking good.

Oh, man.

All those years, I fucking knew.

Huh? Huh,

Grandpa Jack, huh?

You knew all those years. You were gonna be this fucking good.

Whoa.

Oh,

fuck.

I told you.

I told you I'd outshine you.

Fuck you.

My turn. Come here, sweetheart.

This way?

You know what? Let me see.

There we go.

That's it.

There we go.

Oh, it's him.

Oh,

your hips hurt.

Get your hip up.

Oh, thank you.

I got shit hips and shit knees over here.

Nobody's going on a hike with me.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God, yes. Fuck, don't stop. Don't stop. I'm going to cum.

That's it. That's it. Make her fucking cum.

Come on, Jack. Fucking do it.

Fuck,

yes. Fuck, oh, my God. I'm fucking going to cum.

Oh, my

God.

Yeah, you want to see my ass too?

I just want to see the part of your ass.

There we go.

One leg under, one leg under.

No, no, no, one leg under. There you go.

What are you teaching me? Oh, I'm teaching you something really. Oh, you

little jerk.

Grandpa Jack, just sit down. Just sit down, bro.

Oh, sit down.

There we go.

You guys did this in the war too?

Yeah, but there weren't very many girls around.

Oh,

yes.

Fuck, yeah, that's it. Just use me, you little fucking pervert.

You don't want to keep going?

The last time you got a girl's panties.

Three years?

They didn't look like that.

Was it 93?

No, that was in the 20s.

That was back in the 1900s.

Come on, eat my birthday.

I want to come again.

Right here. Let's lay down.

This is large.

Here we go. Why don't you hold your head up?

Hold your side.

No, no. You know what? You know what? Give me. Hold my neck.

Hold my neck. Here we go.

Yeah.

Here. Let me grab it for you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you take out your dentures for that?

Fuck,

I'm gonna cum.

Yes, you can.

Here we go.

Thank you.

There you go, just like that.

I'll get in close.

Come on, Shortcake, as fast as you can go. Come on, here you go.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

That's it. That's it. All the way down, all the way down.

Here you go, here you go.

Oh, keep going, keep going. Cheer us like that.

Oh, yeah.

Loosen up, loosen up, loosen up.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck, yeah.

Oh, fuck,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh my god, yeah.

Oh my

god, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

thought your guys' dicks were just going to cough up dust, but... That was a

really good family fun time.

I love bonding with you.

Oh, sweetheart.

Can you get me the heating pad, honey?

Yeah, you guys think you can finally fucking get along now?

Can you get me the heating pad?

Yeah, I think it's hit the wall again.

But, you know, hey, pumpkin.

Granddad's Day.

ever. Best granddad's day ever. Thank you so much.

Careful. It's your trophy.

You fucking pervert.