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1
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,269
# Stick a pony in me pocket
2
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,917
# |'lL fetch the suitcase from the van
3
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:14,153
# ‘Cause if you want the best ‘uns
But you don't ask questions
4
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,039
# Then, brother, I'm your man
5
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,918
# ‘Cause where it all comes from
is a mystery
6
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,514
# It's like the changing of the seasons
7
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,671
# And the tides of the sea
8
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,957
# But here's the one
that's driving me berserk:
9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,317
# Why do only fools and horses work? #
10
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,750
Thanks. You got me out of
@ very awkward situation.
11
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,275
(GRANDAD) The first time | saw this film
12
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,431
was in the middle of the war.
13
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:55,196
Halfway through it, there was an air
raid. We had to run for the shelter.
14
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:59,035
Yeah? Bet you all hated the Kaiser
that night, eh?
15
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,749
What's the matter with you,
you moanin’ little git?
16
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,514
What's the matter wi...? Ill tell yer!
17
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:09,753
Grandad, it's Christmas night
and | am stuck in here with...
18
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:14,789
| am stuck in here watching a film
that the Germans tried to bomb!
19
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,629
| know what you mean, Rodney,
| feel exactly the same.
20
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,075
— | thought you liked the film.
=I dol
21
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,074
It's Christmas night
and I'm stuck in here with YOU!
22
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,915
— Oh, thank you very much (!)
— Why don't you stop whining?!
23
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,435
| dunno why you didn't go out with Del.
24
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,068
He's seeing Lassie again, isn't he?
25
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,472
“Ere, don't you let Del hear you
refer to her as a dog.
26
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,872
Well, he MUST know!
When she come back from Tenerife,
27
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,157
it him took two weeks
to get her out of quarantine!
28
00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,959
(DOORBELL)
29
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,237
Was that the bell, Rodney?
30
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,038
Sounded very much like ft, Grandfather.
31
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,998
(DOORBELL RINGS INSISTENTLY}
32
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,357
There it goes again.
Whatever could it mean (?)
33
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,559
It means there's someone at the door,
you lazy little toe—rag!
34
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,918
Go on, Rodney. It might be Del
popped back for something.
35
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,149
| suppose you've run out
of Bob Martins again, ‘ave yer?
36
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,159
— Oh. Yeah?
— Oh, good evening, sir.
37
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,757
— Oh, me.
— I'm sorry to bother you.
38
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,956
| wonder if you could help me.
39
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,509
— Yeah, hang on.
— No, no! ‘
40
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,671
| don't mean like that, no.
41
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,832
I'm looking for a family
called the Trotters.
42
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,991
The Trotters?
43
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,357
What makes you think
the Trotters live ‘ere, then?
44
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,670
It's written on your bell.
45
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,999
Who is It, Rod...? Reggie!
46
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,993
Hello, old ‘un. How are you diddlin'?
47
00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:01,188
— It's really you!
— It's me, all right. Long time, eh?
48
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,158
Oh, too long, Reggie!
49
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,311
Too long!
50
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,870
Oh, it's good to see you, it really is!
51
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,350
You two have met before,
then, have yer (?)
52
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,512
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me introduce you.
53
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,671
Reg, this is Rodney.
54
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:23,436
Rodney, I'd like you to meet...your dad.
55
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,074
— Where is he?!
— Oi! Just calm down, Del!
56
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,358
Before you go in there, you just
remember, he's still our father!
57
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,637
You could be spending
the night in the orphanage!
58
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,357
| know you've told me
he was a right jack—the-lad,
59
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,875
flashy shirts and gold cufflinks...
60
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,237
Well a bit like... Er...
61
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,233
Well, a bit like
some of the lads down the pub,
62
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,391
but he's old now, DeL
63
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,109
He... He's dishevelled, he's pathetic.
64
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,078
He seems sort of...frightened.
65
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,028
Now, just bear that in mind,
66
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,509
All right, Rodney. Yeah, all right.
67
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,519
Del Boy, good to see you, son!
68
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,671
Pour yourself a drink!
69
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,636
| used to have a shirt like that!
70
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,598
Del, your dad had a bath and a shave,
71
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,752
then he found
he was a bit low on clothes.
72
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:36,118
He'll get a bit low on teeth
before he's much older! Sling yer ‘ook!
73
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,272
If you wanna talk it over...I'm listening.
74
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,193
He only wants to stay for one night, Del
75
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,477
When he closed that door in 1965,
he closed it for good!
76
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,076
— Have | got a say?
— Let's hear what Rodney's gotta say.
77
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,674
— You know what he's like!
— No, | don't!
78
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:55,276
— I've told you often enough!
= Yeah! That's ALL | know!
79
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,910
| wouldn't mind the opportunity
of judging him for myself.
80
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:03,358
| never raised a hand to your mum,
Rodney, except in self-defence.
81
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:07,832
Judging him?! He deserted you
when you were five years old!
82
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,195
And he walked out on his own father!
83
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,917
What, after 18 years?!
Did his watch stop (?)
84
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,633
Stone me, Rodney, we see
more of Halley's comet than we do him!
85
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,791
Go on, just go, will yer!
86
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,714
Look, Del, whatever you may
think of him, he's still my son.
87
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,235
He only wants a bed for the night.
88
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,392
| just don't believe it!
| just don't believe it!
89
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:37,350
Can't you see he's playing on your
sympathy, playing on your loyalty?
90
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,511
That man is...evil!
91
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,069
That is the devil standing there!
92
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,118
Don't be so stupid, Del,
that's your own father!
93
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,670
He sold his soul
for an ounce of Old Holborn years ago!
94
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,956
Give me one good reason, just one,
95
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,634
why | shouldn't chuck you out of here?!
96
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,791
| can't think of one, Del Boy.
97
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,951
I'm not proud of what | did.
98
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,829
I'm ashamed. Ashamed and...sorry.
99
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,516
Recently, I've been laying
in that hospital bed, night after night,
100
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,877
reliving the moment
| walked out of here.
101
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,828
It hurts, Del Boy...it hurts.
102
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,197
What's wrong with you, Reggie?
103
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,831
— Something serious, | hope?
— Del, wrap up for five minutes!
104
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,195
Don't be fooled by him, Rodney!
105
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:29,275
He's had everything from galloping
lurgy to Saturday night fever!
106
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,638
Once when | was doing my homework,
| asked him what a cubic foot was!
107
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:39,158
He said he didn't know, but he'd try
to have a week off work with it!
108
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,518
What's wrong with you?
Come on, you can tell me and Rodney.
109
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,592
A few months back,
they took me into hospital
110
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,069
Just for a few routine checks.
111
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,629
Yeah (!) # Jackanory, Jackanory! #
112
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,395
I'm telling the truth
this time, Del Boy. Look.
113
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:00,830
What's this? "Newcastle Infirmary.”
114
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,753
I've been living up there for the last year.
115
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,956
What's been the matter with you?
116
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:11,478
Well, they discovered
that | had this...hereditary blood disease.
117
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,792
It's called.... Oh, it's a medical word!
118
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:19,748
— Along one, Reggie?
— Ooh, yeah, Dad, yeah.
119
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,270
— Well, can they cure it?
— They're not sure.
120
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:30,468
| just live in hope.
Hope's about the only thing I've got.
121
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,633
Oh, come on...Dad.
122
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:39,190
These doctors,
they can perform miracles nowadays.
123
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:43,148
Yeah, you've
got gotta be
Just be... reves
124
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,675
wHereditary?
125
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,831
Eh?
126
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,309
You said it was hereditary.
127
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,313
That means | could have it!
128
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,868
And ME!
129
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,349
This is half the reason | dashed down!
130
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,796
The doctor said
| had to warn my children immediately.
131
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,713
What have they to do? Go for blood tests?
132
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,871
As soon as possible.
133
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:15,033
I've done my best by you
this time, ain't |, Del Boy?
134
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,395
Oh, yeah, thanks (!)
135
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,949
Well, I-I'm feeling a bit weak.
136
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,509
| think I'LL..climb in.
137
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,195
— ‘Night, boys.
— (ALL) ‘Night.
138
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,717
Oh, and..er...Merry Christmas.
139
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,474
Merry Christmas?!
140
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,960
Will | have to have
a blood test as well?
141
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,954
No, it's hereditary.
It means it's passed on, not back!
142
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,675
You're most probably the carrier!
143
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:55,553
A right blinding Christmas
this has turned out to be, innit?!
144
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,632
SOME people get wise men bearing gifts!
145
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,360
We get a wally with a disease!
146
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,510
You should get
down to the hospital after the holidays.
147
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,558
With National Health cuts,
we could wait for ever!
148
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,315
It'll be OK. I'll ring Dr Becker
first thing in the morning.
149
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:18,519
— He won't see us on Boxing Day.
— He will. He owes me a favour.
150
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,433
His son thinks that bike he got
fell off the back of a sleigh.
151
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,591
Mr Becker and | know better.
152
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,911
"Ere, just a minute.
153
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,072
— Where is he sleeping?
— | offered him MY bed.
154
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,276
You are a great big softy, ain't ya?
155
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,431
Well, he's not very well.
156
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,717
You'd have done exactly the same,
wouldn't you?
157
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,871
— Yeah, ‘course | would.
— Yeah.
158
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:48,431
Good, ‘cause he turned my bed down
and took yours.
159
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:58,795
Where's the ghost of Christmas past?
160
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,269
— He ain't here, Del.
— He's gone?
161
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,556
Down the pub for the New Year's do.
162
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,517
It was too good to be true!
163
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,070
You talk about your father
as if he's an alien.
164
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,789
| mean, you seem to think of him as ET.
165
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,078
No, | don't, Grandad. ET went home!
166
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,312
Oh, a couple
of letters arrived for you two.
167
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,914
| think it's the results of your tests.
168
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,711
These have been opened!
169
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,713
— Your dad must've done that.
— The saucy git!
170
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,475
You can't blame him.
| suppose he was too worried to wait.
171
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,631
Oh, well, all right, then.
172
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,997
Come on, then, Rodney.
See what yours says.
173
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,073
AIL clear. It's all clear!
174
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,629
| got an all clear, my son!
175
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,468
Don't look TOO cheerful about it, Del!
176
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,631
| haven't seen mine yet, have |?
177
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,791
Oh... Oh, no, I'm sorry.
178
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,876
What's It say, Del?
179
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:19,034
The results...of my tests...
180
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,709
ware negative,
181
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,151
Negative?
182
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,915
That means
all clear as well, you plonker!
183
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,437
Does it?
184
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:49,275
Oh, my Gawd, | thought
it was a medical term for curtains!
185
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,352
don Why the hell
‘t they say all clear, then, eh?!
186
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,715
We can have a drink to celebrate!
187
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,475
— Yeah, I'll have something!
— I'l. go and get changed!
188
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,837
— Oh, dear!
— That's funny.
189
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,276
— What?
— Your blood group's AB.
190
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,431
Rodney's is just A.
191
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,354
— We'd both have the same blood!
— That's what | thought.
192
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,796
No, look, come here.
Look, give us them ‘ere.
193
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,155
Look, there you are, you see.
194
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,515
My blood group is AB...
195
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:23,274
wand Rodney's blood group is A...
196
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:29,838
How did that wally manage
to get himself a different blood group?
197
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,833
We're brothers —
we both have the same blood!
198
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,993
We've both got
the same mother and the same fa...
199
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,111
What are you suggesting?
200
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,919
Rodney's got a different...dad?
201
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,275
| ain't saying nothin’, Del Boy,
202
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:51,035
but | always remember Maisy Turner.
203
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:55,113
Maisy Turner?
Who the hell is Maisy Turner?!
204
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,114
She married Bernie —
he pulled the stall out down the market.
205
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,669
— Yes. What about him?
— She had two boys.
206
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,432
One by Bernie,
207
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,354
the other by a bloke she met
on a charabanc trip to the lights.
208
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,318
Bernie found out and he divorced her.
209
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,597
| see. How did he
find out? By blood tests?
210
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,991
No, the youngest boy was half—caste.
211
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:22,189
| ain't saying nothing
about your mum, Gawd rest her soul,
212
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,954
but if you put two and together...
213
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,998
You come up with Rodney.
214
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,835
Just before your mum announced
that Rodney was on his way,
215
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,798
she and your dad was havin" lots of rows.
216
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:39,351
new friends.
217
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:44,355
— That trumpeter from the Locarno?
— | thought he played the saxophone.
218
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,511
No, that was the other one.
219
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,478
| can see it all.
It's beginning to make sense.
220
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:54,953
When Rodney joined the Boys" Brigade,
he was a natural with that bugle!
221
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,954
Yeah, and when you look at him, Del,
| mean, he's sort of...
222
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,038
Oh, why did this have to happen, eh?
223
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,589
This of all things, eh?
224
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,031
All right, then?
225
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,751
— Yeah...yeah, wonderful, Rodney.
— Couldn't be better, Rodney.
226
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,911
— What's wrong?
— Nothing!
227
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,674
No, everything's, you know, brill.
228
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,310
Good, good. | wonder where Dad is.
229
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,916
Exactly what me and your
grandfather were wondering.
230
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:40,074
What | mean is...there's no telling
which pub he'll be in now, is there?
231
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,038
— What?
— | was just admiring your suit.
232
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,236
Lovely! It's a new one, is it?
233
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:56,313
No, | bought it five years ago
and it weren't new then.
234
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,710
Come on, something's up, innit?
Are you gonna tell me?
235
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:05,670
| suppose you got a right to know,
ain't yer? Come on, sit down.
236
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,674
tt won't make a blind bit of difference!
237
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,877
Everything will stay EXACTLY the same!
238
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,432
See, the thing is, Rodney,
239
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,798
that man that you call your dad...ain't.
240
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,910
— Ain't what?
— He ain't your dad.
241
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:32,831
— What, is it a joke?
— | only wish it was, Rodney.
242
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:37,992
| don't get you. ‘Course he's my dad.
243
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,988
Well, he must be!
Grandad introduced us!
244
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,072
Let's say no more about it
and leave it at that.
245
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,231
| won't leave it at that, Del!
246
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,551
Are you trying to say
that man is not our father?!
247
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,517
No...
248
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,875
w Just isn't YOURS.
249
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,310
See, you've got
a different blood group, Rodney.
250
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,308
So...I've got a different
blood group. What's that prove?
251
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:13,712
It proves that you're a whodunit.
That's not the only thing.
252
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,475
You see, when...
Just before Mum fell for you,
253
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,598
she met this, like...new friend.
254
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,718
He was a trumpet player from the Locarno.
255
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:28,112
— And a saxophone player.
— All right, Grandad, all right!
256
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,479
Are you trying to tell me that my dad...
257
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,437
was a band?
258
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,229
No, Rodney, no!
259
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,669
Just the brass section.
260
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,071
No, | don't believe you.
261
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,038
Mum would never do anything like that!
262
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:56,274
She wouldn't normally.
This must've been just a...one—off.
263
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,117
Great.
264
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,989
Well, | can't wait to fill in
my next passport application form.
265
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,435
Mother's name — Joan Mavis Trotter.
266
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,388
Father's name —
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass.
267
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,669
Been for a drink, Reggie?
268
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,719
Yeah, I've been for a drink, Dad.
I've got damn good reason to!
269
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,156
— What are you moaning about?
— | can read, Del Boy!
270
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,312
This morning,
| noticed them medical reports.
271
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,472
| thought "That's funny —
different blood groups.”
272
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,552
Just to be on the safe side,
I checked MY group,
273
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,679
then | checked your Grandad's group
with his old army records.
274
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,435
What do | discover?
We've got a Lone Ranger in the family!
275
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,036
Fd just like
to know who the old Tonto was!
276
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,873
If your mother was alive now, I'd kill her!
277
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,354
Try to see it from my point of view!
278
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,149
How would YOU like to have
a son who you loved and cared for,
279
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,551
only to find,
years later, that he's a mystery?!
280
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,711
Loved and cared for him?!
281
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,678
You walked out on Rodney when he was five!
282
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,877
You didn't care
whether he had food in his belly!
283
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:15,034
Dunno what you keep bringing Rodney
into this for! YOU'RE the mystery!
284
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,951
"ABR"
285
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,678
Why?
286
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,876
— You all right?
— Yeah, darlin’.
287
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:33,033
| thought you'd have been in
on New Year's Eve. Your family were here.
288
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,873
Were they? | got involved somewhere else.
289
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,715
— Your dad's a giggle, ain't he?
— That man is one long grin.
290
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,792
He got up and started singing
Adam Faith songs.
291
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,111
— He's still doing Adam Faith?
— He was good!
292
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,717
He sang “What Do You Want If You Don't
Want Money?" What was the other one?
293
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,474
(BOTH) “Someone Else's Baby.”
294
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,151
— Do you want another one?
— Yeah, give me a top-up.
295
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,756
Grand Marnier
and grapefruit juice, please.
296
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,912
— Oh, leave it out, Dad!
— It's true, | tell you!
297
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,277
— He didn't know it were you?
— He didn't have a clue!
298
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,035
| saw him years later
and he still had the scar!
299
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,235
— All right, Del?
— Yeah, triffic, Rodders!
300
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,678
Why didn't you come down last night
for the New Year's Eve party, Del?
301
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:29,638
| had a bit of business to attend to.
302
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,791
Um...can | get you a drink?
303
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,952
That's very nice of you,
but I'm with my family.
304
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,999
Perhaps | can get
your family a drink as well (!)
305
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,197
Karen, give THOSE people
a large brandy each.
306
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,715
Cheers! Let me finish the story!
307
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,871
I'm gonna have a chat with Del
308
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,237
Oh, all right, Rodders.
Don't be long, eh?
309
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,876
You didn't come home last night.
310
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,237
No, well, | stayed the night
at Trigger's place.
311
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,834
| got fed up kipping on that settee,
312
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,551
— Is that the only reason, Del?
— Yeah, ‘course it's the only reason!
313
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,711
(REGGIE LAUGHS LOUDLY)
314
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:14,077
You seem to be seeing
a lot of the old man lately.
315
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:19,030
Yeah...well..| think he's trying
to make up for all the lost years.
316
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,071
— Here you are,
— Ta.
317
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,391
— Been out this morning, have you?
= Uh—-hm.
318
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,198
Yeah. He took me to the zoo.
319
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,231
All right, was it?
320
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,871
Yeah, it was all right.
You know, there was animals and things.
321
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,316
| don't wanna spoil the surprise.
322
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,632
| saw him up Selfridge's on Friday
looking at the Action Men!
323
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,594
Why don't you just come home, eh, Del?
324
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,752
Nah. No, | won't. Not with him there.
325
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,480
He won't let me forget I'm a “Lone Ranger”.
326
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,916
— He has not mentioned it, honest!
— Maybe not to YOU.
327
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:09,393
Every time | see him on the landing,
he always shouts, "Hi—ho, Silver!"
328
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,797
You know, at school once,
during a biology lesson,
329
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,996
the subject of genetics come up.
330
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,958
The teacher said
children with the same parents
331
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,236
can have different blood groups!
332
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,597
You're trying to cheer me up.
You're a diamond.
333
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,751
No, | mean it!
334
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,957
Why don't you get
some advice on the subject, eh?
335
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:32,793
— Go and see Dr Becker.
— No, | can't ask him.
336
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,394
— Why not?
— He’ ‘
'd know everything then!
337
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,551
He's the family doctor!
338
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,678
He treated Mum when she was ilL
339
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,037
| don’t wanna
have him thinking THAT of her.
340
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,031
No, it's clear-cut, innit?
341
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,830
| am, as the French say,
“oeuf sur le plat".
342
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,549
Yeah, the family is A...and | am AB.
343
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,711
So? What's that matter?
344
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:03,351
That's nothing, is it?
You're only one letter out, eh?
345
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,637
Look, the only difference
between us is a BI
346
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,758
Yeah, and we all know
what B stands for, don't we?
347
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,515
RODNEY! You gonna play cards with us?
348
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,830
Yeah, in a minute,
349
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,195
— Do you want a game?
— No, Rodney.
350
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:22,148
— He'll find a way of winding me up.
— No, he won't, DeL
351
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,995
Del, if you just sit here on your own,
352
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,152
he's gonna think he's beaten yer!
353
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:33,632
Oh, come on! He who dares, wins!
354
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,309
— Yeah, OK, then. Come
= Yeah! om
355
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,951
Take a seat, Rodney.
356
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,873
Does your friend want to play as well?
357
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,071
You just lay off him, Reg.
358
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,630
— Don't you say nothin" to annoy me!
— As if | would!
359
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,509
He's touchy, ain't he?
Dunno who he gets it from.
360
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,830
All right, what shall we play?
361
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,595
Before you say it,
we don't wanna play Happy Families.
362
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,751
Right, we'll play pontoon.
363
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,637
— You got any money?
— | give you my last fiver.
364
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,360
— Dad?
= You know I'm skint.
365
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:28,672
— Why not nip Del for a few quid?
— | can't, after what's happened.
366
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,912
No, | don't suppose YOU can.
Rodney could.
367
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,315
All right, Grandad? Rodders?
Evening, Reginald.
368
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,870
Grandad, stick me
a pizza under the grill, will yer?
369
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,589
— You in for the night, Del?
— Yeah, I'm in for the night.
370
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,799
Good! We can all have a family
sing—song together this evening!
371
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,349
YOU can join in if you like!
372
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,751
What's up with you?
373
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,196
Earlier on | showed him
my GCE certificates, right?
374
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,955
And he said he was proud of me
and all that, right?
375
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,590
Then he went and wrote
a bet on the back of one of ‘em.
376
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:17,311
He wrote a bet on the back
of one of your GCE cert...
377
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,710
That man is the devil, Rodney.
378
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,189
I'm beginning to think you're right.
379
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:24,669
| know one thing. YOU were right.
380
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,957
— Was I?
— Yeah. Took your advice.
381
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:30,156
Good, good!
382
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,678
— What advice was that, then, Del?
— I'l tell you in a minute.
383
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,991
— There were four in there!
= You drank ‘em all!
384
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:43,039
Fancy popping to the off licence
to get a few drinks in, Del Boy?
385
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,236
— No.
— Oh.
386
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,198
No, I'm off drink at the moment.
387
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,511
See, | went down
to see Dr Becker this evening.
388
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,717
Yeah? why, what's wrong
with you, Del Boy?
389
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,314
Well for the last week or so,
390
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,677
I've been suffering
from this pain in the arse!
391
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:06,399
| asked Dr Becker if he'd give me
another blood test — to check it.
392
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,473
He said there was no need.
You were absolutely right, Rodney.
393
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,473
A person's
blood group makes no difference.
394
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,552
A mother and father
could have three children
395
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,757
and each kid
could have a different blood group.
396
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,388
Rubbish! what does HE know, anyway?
397
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,270
Oh, he knows quite a lot. He knows
that my blood group is group A.
398
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,115
— Why did he write AB on your result?
— He didn't, Grandad.
399
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,589
Somebody added the B.
400
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,399
Now, | wonder who could've done that.
401
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,711
Must've been someone
at the clinic having a joke!
402
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:44,431
— The envelopes were sealed!
— Until you opened ‘em!
403
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:50,311
| was making sure you two
didn't have the same...illness as me.
404
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:55,031
Yes, Dr Becker was very interested
in your blood disorder.
405
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:59,830
He rang Newcastle to find out what
was wrong. And what do you reckon?
406
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,992
— They'd never heard of him?
— How did you know that?
407
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,833
| must be clairvoyant, Del.
408
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,798
They ran your name through their computer.
409
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,713
They didn't have a patient called Trotter,
410
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,678
but they did have a porter called Trotter.
411
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,638
But he left two weeks ago...
412
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,998
«with 57 blankets,
‘BS pairs of rubber gloves
413
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,948
and the chief gynaecologist's Lambretta!
414
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:31,915
| don't feel all that well
415
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,277
| mentioned that to Dr Becker.
Know what he suggested?
416
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,431
Fresh air, new surroundings
417
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,636
and lots of exercise!
418
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,349
— Like take a long, brisk walk!
— Did he?
419
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,513
Well, maybe he's right. Oh, is that
the time? | must be on my way.
420
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,514
— So soon?
— | don't wanna outstay my welcome.
421
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,671
TlL..um...
422
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,229
I'll get me things together.
423
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:20,911
— The dirty, conniving little...
— All right, Grandad, all right.
424
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,436
Tell you what, | hid
a bottle of Scotch under the sink.
425
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,591
Oh, good boy, Del.
426
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,111
Well, I'm glad HE'S gone.
427
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,750
He made it a right miserable
Christmas for all of us.
428
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,390
It's all right, Rodney.
It's all over now.
429
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,553
Don't worry, we'll all
soon be back to just the way we were.
430
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,678
Del Boy, | burnt your pizza.
431
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,474
See what | mean?
432
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,515
# We've got some half—price cracked ice
433
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:02,276
# And miles and miles of carpet tiles
TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs
434
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,034
# Ball games, gold chains,
what's—their—names and at a push
435
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,510
# Some Trevor Francis tracksuits
from a mush in Shepherd's Bush
436
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,875
# Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
437
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,838
# No income tax, no VAT
438
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,992
# No money back, no quarantee
439
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,357
# Black or white, rich or broke
440
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,911
# We'll cut prices at a stroke
441
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,878
# God bless Hooky Street
442
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,032
# Viva Hooky Street
443
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,998
# Long live Hooky Street
444
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,550
# Cest magnifique, Hooky Street
445
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,917
# Magnifique, Hooky Street
446
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,115
# Hooky Street
447
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,191
# Hooky Street 36516
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